Categories > Cartoons > Biker Mice from Mars
Rok must create a start up in order to avoid being whacked by Buddy Gotham. (Take My Muffin fanfic)
0Unrated
Take My Muffin
fanfic title:
You Call This A Carnival?
by: Trenton Sands
Cold Opening
Caption Reads: How it all began. 3 weeks earlier.
Buddy Gotham’s house was quiet in the way only expensive houses get quiet—thick walls, plush carpets, and the low hum of appliances that cost more than Rok’s car.
Creeping down the hallway, Rok hunched like a cartoon burglar, clutching a paper bag.
Rok (whispering to himself): Okay, Rok. In and out. Quick prank. Nobody dies. Probably.
Stepping outside the bathroom door. Rok comes from inside, Buddy Gotham’s voice echoed while he talked loudly on his phone.
Buddy Gotham (inside bathroom): I’m telling you, respect is everything. Fear is currency. If people ain’t scared of you, you got nothin’—
Smirking and snickering. Rok can't help himself.
Rok (whispering): Let’s diversify your portfolio.
Reaching into the bag. Rok pulled out a cherry bomb—red, stubby, and way more powerful than anything sold legally. He flicked the lighter.
Fsssss.
The sound made Rok's eyes widen with fear!
Rok: Oh shit oh shit oh shit—
The bathroom door cracked open slightly as Buddy Gotham shifted on the toilet.
Buddy Gotham: Who’s out there?
Panicked and gasping. Rok tries to strategize his next move.
Rok: Think fast!
Then Rok lobbed the cherry bomb like a softball through the cracked door. A plopping sound was heard.
Buddy Gotham (confused): What the fuck was—
BOOOOOOM! The toilet detonated like it had declared war on plumbing itself. Porcelain shards blasted outward. Water, smoke, and unidentifiable debris filled the bathroom.
Buddy Gotham (screams): MY ASS! MY ASS IS ON FIRE!
The bathroom door blew open. Buddy Gotham stumbled into the hallway, pants around his ankles, face covered in soot, hair singed, bleeding slightly, holding what remained of the toilet seat like a broken shield.
Buddy Gotham: WHO DID THIS?! I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL END YOUR BLOODLINE!
Rok stood frozen at the end of the hall, eyes wide, mouth open.
Rok: …Worth it?
Buddy Gotham locked eyes with him.
Time slowed.
Buddy Gotham (low, dangerous): Rok Yen.
Turning and sprinted. Buddy Gotham had Rok in his sights.
Rok: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE—
Slipped on water, slammed into the wall, Buddy Gotham roared in pain.
Buddy Gotham: YOU OWE ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH! FIVE GRAND OR YOU’RE DEAD! DEAD!
Bursting out the front door, Rok finds himself laughing hysterically as he ran into the night.
Rok (breathless, manic): Okay! Lesson learned! Never prank a mob guy while he’s taking a shit! (thinks) But where am I going to get $5000? I know, maybe I'll have Dr. Nopey become a singer!
Scene 1:
At a local failing karaoke club. Dr Nopey was up on stage singing. Or what it seemed like singing. Rok, Draka, Korney, Mojo, and UD12 were all watching him perform. Dr Nopey was singing a Rat Pack song.
Korney (to Rok): He's nailing it! He's going to make it! Record deal here we come!
Dr Nopey (singing): Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room I'm a man of means by no means, king of the road.
The CD player abruptly stops and it was revealed all along that Dr Nopey was lip syncing.
Korney (panics): Oh no! Power outage!
Not only were Rok, Korney, UD12, Mojo, and Draka looking at him in disdain. The other members of the audience was too.
Audience Member: A-ha! You weren't really singing!
Dr. Nopey: Uh uh uh, of course I was!
Audience Member: Okay then, prove it!
Dr. Nopey: Fine I will! One of you change the CD please!
Rok: I'll do it!
Running to the CD player, Rok takes out the Rat Pack CD and puts in a CD of Novelty Songs. Pressing Play, The song Curly Shuffle begins.
Rok: Okay! This is the last chance! Don't FUCK UP!
Dr. Nopey (looking around all nervous): Uh, uh, uh.....
Draka: Sing! Never mind the moves!
Dr Nopey: Uhhh, okay! (sings) When me and my friends go out on the town. We can't sit still and we can't sit down. We don't like to fight and we don't like to scuffle.. But we dance all night doing the Curly shuffle.
Not knowing the other lyrics to the song, Dr Nopey begins to act like Curly which makes the audience throw chairs and broken glass bottles at him.
Audience Member: I knew it! He's not a real singer!
Audience Member #2: After them!
Rok, Korney, Draka, Mojo UD12, and Dr Nopey all ran out of the karaoke club. Far far away from the angry audience mob! Little did they all know that while they were being chased, Mojo threw a bong full of weed at the crowd.
Mojo: Saved our asses back there, hey?
UD12: Fuck! I'm still alive. I was hoping to get killed.
Korney: Sure did! We owe you one man! (to Mojo) Now look at them!
Audience Members: Hey, that's smooth man.....
Rok: Shit! I felt like I was Johnny Depp in that Ed Wood movie.
Draka (giggles): I remember that scene (Bela Lugosi impression): Now THAT was a preimere!
Rok: You really fucked up this time, Dr Nopey! (walking in anger)
Dr. Nopey: Hey! Why not get mad at Korney! He's the one who produced this idea! With that stupid ass 'horn' of his!
Rok: No we're not going to bash Korney just to make you happy!
Korney: What? Did I hear that correctly? Dr Nopey is jealous of me? Since when?
Mojo (to Dr. Nopey): You really need to let go of this jealous you have of Korney man!
Draka: Let's just go back home.
Afterwards, Rok drives Draka, Dr. Nopey, Mojo, UD12, and Korney back to their house. Rok, still mad at Dr. Nopey yells at him some more.
Rok: You were supposed to be singing The Rat Pack and instead you pulled a Milli Vanilli!
Dr. Nopey: I really was singing, honest!
Rok: The hell you were! We didn't even raise one single dime back there! Don't you know what is going to happen to me if we don't get enough money?!
Dr. Nopey: Yeah yeah! I already know. Won't be able to pay off Buddy Gotham.
Rok: And let's all your fault and......
Mojo comes with a bucket of water while imitating a siren and pours it over Rok and Dr. Nopey.
Draka (laughs); Finally happened to you two instead of me!
Mojo: We can sell some of my weed and give the profit to Buddy Gotham.
Rok: He's going to assassinate me JFK style!
Draka: Why are you in debt with Buddy Gotham?
Rok: It's not debt. He caught me a couple of weeks ago planting cherry bombs in his toilet. Then the toilet exploded on him. Once he found out it was me, he told me I need to pay him $5000 or he'll assassinate me.
Dr. Nopey: Well, we're a start up team. Let's come up with something that doesn't evolve jazz singing! And I can get out of it guilt free!
Rok looks out the window and sees the first signs of fall. Brown leaves blowing from a tree. Trying to think of the next start up, but can't think of anything.
Scene 2:
Mojo joins Rok who is still looking out the window. Watches the residents of Palo Alto get ready for autumn. Picking apples, running through pumpkin patches, kids and teens going back to school.
Rok: Nothing fun ever happens in the fall.
Mojo: Even in a warm state like California where we live.
Draka (runs into the room): You got a phonecall Rok!
Rok runs as Draka gives him the cellphone. It was Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig.
Blonde: Rok!
Rok: Oh hi, Blonde!
Leprechaun: We just got a call from Buddy Gotham.
Rok: OKay.....heh heh.
Pig: He told us to tell you that you have 24 hours to give him $5000!
Rok: I don;t really do well with deadlines but...
Blonde: You better!
Leprechaun: He's coming to look for you!
Pig: When you least expect it, you're going to have a bullet in your head!
Blonde, Leprechaun and Pig hung up abruptly.
Dr Nopey: You're the leader, do something!
Mojo: When Rok was looking out the window, he said 'Nothing fun ever happens in the fall'.
Dr Nopey: Care to put a spin around that, Rok?
Rok: I got it! Spring and summer always have carnivals, right? So why not have an Autumn Carnival?
Korney's unicorn horn begins to activate.
Rok: Korney! Save my life and take it away!
Korney: Rok, I’m seeing it—an ecosystem of joy. A scalable fun‑cluster. A carnival that monetizes wonder itself. Picture this: rides that run on adrenaline and questionable engineering. Investors will eat it up Your carnival won’t just entertain. It will disrupt leisure. I hereby bestow upon you the sacred Minimum Viable Carnival. Three tents, one ride, and a business model held together by optimism.My horn tingles with destiny. Build the Ferris wheel first. Everything else will orbit around it. The universe whispers: Start with chaos. Monetize the chaos.
Rok: Okay! That's our answer! A carnival it is!
UD12: Hate to say this, but I called the bank and it says you only have $3000.
Draka: Shit! That means we can't buy that abadoned parking lot across the street.
Rok: Or we can steal it!
Korney: Where are we going to get stuff for the carnival?
Rok: I know a place. Draka, UD, Korney, Dr, Nopey, and Mojo you're all coming with me!
Dr. Nopey: The hell I am!
Rok: What's your problem?
Dr. Nopey: You blamed me for not being a good enough singer! What did you expect when you made me lip sync that stupid ass karaoke? What did you think that was, Puttin On The Hits? The 1980s are over! You're on your own you do this with the others! Goodbye! Sayonara asshole! (slams door)
Rok: Guess we don't need him.
UD12: Just like this world doesn't need me!
Rok: I can tell he's still upset with me. He'll get over it.
Korney: Yeah, just give him some time.
Draka, Rok, Korney, UD12, and Mojo all jump into the car and drive.
Scene 3:
Rok drives Korney, Draka, UD12, and Mojo to some train tracks. Mojo runs around the tracks imitating a train.
Mojo: Chugga Chugga Chugga Chugga! CHOO! CHOO! Chugga Chugga Chugga Chugga! CHOO CHOO!
UD12: this is no time for comedy! Stop that already!
Draka: Train tracks?! What the fuck! What do train tracks have to do with carnivals?
Rok: When the carnival is over, a train that comes by has all the rides to take back to the factory.
Mojo: Do we wait for the train?
Rok: Precisely.
UD12: Can I jump into the train when it comes?
Korney: Hey Rok. Did you bring those muffins?
Rok: Of course! (shows Korney a bag of muffins)
Korney: What is the plan here?
Rok: I'm going to throw one at the train conductor then I'll drive the train back to Palo Alto and bring the rides to the abadoned parking lot!
The train was coming from a long distance. With the horn blowing far away. The muffins Rok had emited some strong fumes that went straight into Korney's nose. Making it look like Korney was getting a contact high. Then Korney begins to have a 'flashback'. The flashback sequence starts when Korney remembers himself as the Unicorn Prince with his father The Unicorn King.
Unicorn King: Come on son! Climb up! All aboard!
Young Korney: A train Dad?
Unicorn King: Yes I am going to teach you how to conduct one so you can give our people tours of our kingdom.
Young Korney: Okay.
On the train in the dream sequence. Young Korney presses the wrong button and the train goes off the tracks and falls down in the grass in circles. The flashback sequence ends.
Korney: I saw my Dad again.
Rok: Forget that for now.
Getting his 'muffins' ready. Rok waits as the train comes closer.
Draka: You going to do some Lawrence of Arabia shit here?
Mojo: That movie is even more fun to watch when you're high.
Rok is getting ready to throw the muffin at the train conductor.
Korney: Ready....
Mojo: Get set!
Draka: GO!
Rok throws the muffin and it lands on the train conductors head. Causing him to fall off the train. Rok, Korney, Draka, UD12, and Mojo all hop aboard.
Mojo: Good work, man!
Rok: Okay! We did it! Fall Carnival here we come!
Korney: No bullets in the head for you!
Driving the train back to Palo Alto, Rok, Draka, Mojo, UD12, and Korney all put their plan into motion.
Scene 4:
Rok drives the train to the abadoned parking lot. UD12 being a robot and the strongest was taking the rides out of the train and setting them on parking lot. Once all the rides were unpacked, Rok sends the train back without a conductor until it falls off a cliff and explodes.
UD12: Is this any way to treat a robot with severe depression? Where is Affirmative Action when you need it!
Rok: Yes! It's all set.
Korney: Now all we need are some people to come.
Mojo: Can I have my own tent where I can sell weed?
A cellphone rings Draka answers it and Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig are asking for Rok again.
Draka: Phone again for you.
Rok: Yes, what is it now?
Leprechaun: Buddy Gotham contacted us again.
Rok: Are his demands getting worse?
Blonde: That's why we called to warn you!
Pig: He says now you have 23 hours! Hope you're planning something that'll attract people!
Rok: Actually we do. We are putting on an Autumn Carnival!
Blonde: Who in the fuck goes to a carnival in the fall?
Rok: Tell you what, why don't you guys come here and.....
Blonde: Yes we are coming there.
Lephrechaun: To see if the rides are safe.
Pig: Tell us where it is.
Rok: Uhh, yes. It's across the street from our house.
Blonde: We're coming.
Leprechaun, Blonde, and Pig were on their way to Rok's Autumn Carnival.
Scene 5:
A half hour later, while Rok, Draka, Korney, UD12, and Mojo were waiting. None of them see anyone coming to their Autumn Carnival.
Draka: It's never a good idea to create a carnival this time of year!
Mojo: Yeah, and on a Monday too!
UD12: That's my favorite Mamas and The Papas Song.
Korney (sees a car): Oh look. Here comes someone now.
The car parks and it's Blonde, Leprechaun and Pig.
Rok: Okay! The show is about to begin! So, all you guys need to do is pay me $5000 and....
Blonde: We do have that money but you're not getting it now!
Rok: Why? Don't you see my life is at fucking stake?
Leprechaun: You brought that upon yourself.
Pig: Yeah, you think we don't know it was you who planted those cherry bombs in Buddy Gothams' toilet.
Draka: You say you want to test out these rides.....
Korney (horn is beginning to activate again): Have Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig test out the rides first. Then if all the rides deem safe. Then you can have them pay you the money.
Blonde: Hmmm, this unicorn seems to know his shit.
Rok: All right. Fine. You guys can test out the rides for safety.
Leprechaun: And then you'll get your $5000.
Pig (points to Rok): If they're safe!
Draka: OKay, which one do you want to ride first?
Rok, Korney, Draka, Mojo, and UD12 were giving Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig the tour of their autumn carnival.
Scene 6:
The abandoned parking lot had been transformed overnight. Flickering lights, mismatched tents, and rides that looked like they’d been assembled by raccoons with engineering degrees from Craigslist.
Rok looks nervously as Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig stood with arms crossed.
Blonde: So this is the “Autumn Carnival” that’s supposed to save your life?
Rok (grinning nervously): Yep! Seasonal magic. Liability waivers are implied.
Pig: Why does that merry-go-round smell like gasoline?
Mojo:That’s ambience, man.
The merry-go-round creaked as Rok helped strap them in.
Leprechaun: Why are there seatbelts on a merry-go-round?
Korney (horn faintly glowing): Because destiny demanded torque.
UD12: If this kills them, can I be next?
Draka: No dying before the test run. That’s rule number three in the book.
Rok flipped a switch. The merry-go-round lurched… then accelerated violently.
Blonde: WHY IS IT SPEEDING UP?!
Pig: THIS ISN’T WHIMSICAL, THIS IS WAR!
Leprechaun: I CAN SEE TIME BENDING!
The horses blurred into streaks of color. Blonde’s hair snapped like a flag in a hurricane.
Mojo (yelling over the noise): HEY! You guys look tense (casually held up a joint.) Anyone wanna mellow out?
Blonde (green-faced): I think I’m gonna—
Pig and Leprechaun vomited simultaneously, the centrifugal force flinging it outward like a Jackson Pollock painting of regret.
Draka (jumping back): HOLY SHIT!
UD12: That was almost beautiful.
Rok hit the brakes. The merry-go-round slowed to a stop.
Pig (panting): I hate autumn.
Korney: Okay! Where to next?
Rok: Where else? The Ferris Wheel.
Although they still had their bearings. Pig, Blonde, and Leprechaun were following Rok, Draka, Korney, Mojo, and UD12 to the ferris wheel.
Scene 7:
Now everyone was at the Ferris Wheel. Rok clapped his hands.
Rok: Save your feedback! Now for our centerpiece!
The Ferris wheel loomed overhead—crooked, rusted, and humming ominously.
Blonde: Why are the seats… padded like asylum walls?
Korney: Full-body restraint enhances perspective.
Leprechaun: That does not reassure me.
They were locked in place, arms and legs secured.
Pig: I can’t feel my wallet.
Rok (innocently): Probably fear.
The Ferris wheel began to turn… then suddenly rotated upside down.
Blonde: WHY ARE WE INVERTED?!
Pig: I’M LOSING CHANGE!
Coins, bills, and folded stacks of cash spilled from their pockets, raining down.
Scramblong below, Rok starts scooping money into a sack.
Rok: Huh. Look at that. Seasonal shedding.
UD12: Capitalism finally makes sense.
Draka: This is either genius or a felony.
Mojo: Why not both?
Feeling his horn pulsed brighter. Korney speaks some more.
Korney: The wheel reveals truth. And loose pants.
The Ferris wheel slowed and stopped.
Blonde (furious): Did you just ROB us?!
Rok: No no no. The ride did.
Draka: Where do you guys want to ride on next?
Leprechaun: Don't you guys have any games around here?
Rok: Nope just rides.
Korney: Then maybe you guys would want to ride on the Roller Coaster that goes into the sky! As we like to call it The Erection!
Pointing to the roller coaster known as The Erection. Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig follow Rok, Draka, Korney, Mojo and UD12 with reluctance.
Scene 8:
Over on the other side of the Carnival. Rok pointed to the final attraction.
Rok: Last ride. Crowd favorite. The Erection!
Pig: That roller coaster is pointed at the sky.
Mojo: Vertical launch, baby.
Draka: OSHA begged us not to do this.
Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig were strapped in again.
UD12: I wish this thing would malfunction.
Rok pulled the lever.
The coaster rocketed upward, bursting through a painted cloud backdrop and into the night sky.
Blonde: ARE WE IN SPACE?!
Leprechaun: I CAN SEE MY CHILDHOOD!
Pig: I’M TALKING TO GOD AND HE’S LAUGHING!
Stars flashed by. Silence. Weightlessness. Then the coaster plummeted, smashing through a flimsy wall and into a room of mirrors. Reflections shattered and multiplied. Blonde saw dozens of herself screaming. Pig punched a mirror and immediately regretted it.
Leprechaun: WHY AM I SHORTER IN THIS ONE?!
The ride screeched to a halt. Smoke. Broken glass. Existential dread.
Mojo (clapping): That never gets old.
Scene 9:
Staggered out of the damage caused by The Erection and Rok's manvuering of the ride. Blonde, Leprechuan and Pig find themselves,covered in vomit, glass dust, and humiliation.
Blonde: Your carnival is a death trap.
Pig: It’s unsafe. That theme park from The Lost Boys looked safer than this bullshit excuse of a carnival!
Leprechaun: And deeply offensive to physics.
Rok swallowed. Then a deep bell chime was heard.
Blonde: You might want to check your clock!
Checking his clock, Rok sees that the 23 hours has passed. Spending all day with Draka, Mojo, UD12, and Korney showing Blonde, Lephechaun and Pig his Autumn Carnival.
Rok (screams): AAAAAHHHH! How did 23 hours pass so fast!
Korney: This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Time Flies When You're Having Fun.
Blonde: We're leaving! Enjoy your last moments on Earth!
Leprechaun: You're on your own.
Pig: We're not getting involved here! Goodbye!
Lephechaun: By the way, this carnival gets 0 stars! We'll be sure to contact Yelp!
Blonde (sees a car): Here comes the guest of honor!
Song: Live's I Alone plays.
The car drives up to the carnival and out comes Buddy Gotham. With a loaded gun in his hand ready to kill Rok. As Blonde, Leprechaun and Pig make their departure.
Buddy Gotham: So I see you were too busy playing little games here!
Rok: I tried to get the money with this carnival and.....
Buddy Gotham: SHUT UP! I'll do the talking around here! I only believe what I want to believe! From what I can see you were more interested goofing off than paying me off!
Rok: That's not true! Tell them you guys!
Draka: He created this carnival so he can use the money to pay you so you won't off him!
Korney: If you're going to kill him. You might as well kill us all too!
Buddy Gotham: Well it's too late now! (points the gun) The only reality that matters is the one I see! So, Rok! Where would you like to be shot? The face or the chest?
UD12 tries to jump in front of Rok but Buddy Gotham pushes him away. Then Mojo tries to intervene by giving Buddy Gotham a cream puff made out of weed.
Mojo: Here Buddy! Have a weed puff!
Buddy Gotham: (throws the weed puff): I don't want no fucking weed puff! (back to Rok): Now lets bring the conversation back to us, Rok! You know!
Korney: Wow! What a killer Jackie Gleason as Buford T Justice impression!
Rok: Go ahead. Shoot me! I deserve it. I never should've thrown that cherry bomb in your toilet!
Buddy Gotham: Thank you (points gun at Rok) You had no right to do that! You did that out of anger! Because you hate me! Any last words before you die!
At the moment when Buddy Gotham was going to pull the trigger and kill Rok. Buddy Gotham gets knocked from behind with a crowbar. Then a bag of money is thrown onto Buddy Gotham's head. Rok goes to open the bag of money it had $5000 in it.
Rok: But, I don't get it. How could this be?
A voice from behind that said, "Here to Snatch Someone From The Jaws of Death." Rok, Korney, UD12, Mojo, and Draka all turn around. And much to their surprise, it was Dr. Nopey.
Korney: Dr. Nopey?!?! But how?
Draka: I thought you gave up on Rok for humiliating you doing that jazz karaoke.
Dr. Nopey: Life is too short to stay mad at someone. Rok, I realized your life was in danger. So after a while of thinking in my lab. I decided it was time for me to step up to the plate and help you.
Mojo (crying): How do you like that guy! Wasted a perfectly good weed puff!
Rok: That's enough, Mojo! Anyway, Dr. Nopey explain your story.
Draka: How did you get $5000?
Dr. Nopey: I have a bank account in Barbados. I get $5000 a year for that porno I made years ago.
Korney: Wow! You really came through for Rok! How did you track us down?
Dr. Nopey: When I was in my lab I watched you guys from my computer.
Rok: Wow, thanks so much Dr. Nopey! Remind me to never force you to sing in karaoke bars.
Dr. Nopey: Friendship is better than grudges. Let's go home.
Draka: Hey, wait a minute? What about the carnival?
Rok: Let's leave that all to Buddy Gotham.
Getting an IPAD, Rok puts the carnival in Buddy Gotham's name. Dr. Nopey takes back his money.
Rok: Boy if he thinks I hate him now.......
Dr. Nopey: Money Is The Root of All Evil My Ass! I say money came through for us! Money Is The Root of all Heroics if you ask me!
UD12: Can I have some of that money to travel to Switzerland so I can get myself euthanized?
Mojo: This calls for a weed party! Weed puffs anyone? The taste and high will blow you away!
Rok, Korney, Draka, Mojo UD12, and Dr. Nopey all go back to their home. Then wait for the next start up idea for them to come up with.
Scene 10 Conclusion:
2 weeks later. Buddy Gotham obtained ownership of Rok's Autumn Carnival. A long line waited for tickets.
Buddy Gotham: Wow! Who would've thought! I get knocked on my head and the next time I know. I have my own carnival! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls—your adventure starts right here! You’ll laugh, you’ll scream, you’ll tell your friends you were brave enough to try!
The line breaks up, and Kylie along with two security guards walk up to Buddy Gotham.
Security Guard: Go home people! Go home! This carnival is SHIT!
Kylie (walks up to Buddy Gotham): Are you the owner of this carnival?
Buddy Gotham: Uhhh, I guess?
Kylie (shows Buddy Gotham an IPAD): Says right here you do own it!
Buddy Gotham: Yeah, so?
Kylie: Are you aware that this carnival is being condemned for safety violations? According to Yelp all of these rides are dangerous!!
Buddy Gotham (shocked): THEY ARE?!?!?!?!?
Kylie: Yes, correct! (holds a megaphone): Crew, take all this away!
A construction crew comes and disassemble all the carnival rides. Buddy Gotham has a tantrum.
Buddy Gotham (screaming at the sky): FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU ROK YEN! One day Rok! One day! When you least expect it! BOOM! YOU ARE DDDEEEEAAAADDDDDD!!!!!
THE END
fanfic title:
You Call This A Carnival?
by: Trenton Sands
Cold Opening
Caption Reads: How it all began. 3 weeks earlier.
Buddy Gotham’s house was quiet in the way only expensive houses get quiet—thick walls, plush carpets, and the low hum of appliances that cost more than Rok’s car.
Creeping down the hallway, Rok hunched like a cartoon burglar, clutching a paper bag.
Rok (whispering to himself): Okay, Rok. In and out. Quick prank. Nobody dies. Probably.
Stepping outside the bathroom door. Rok comes from inside, Buddy Gotham’s voice echoed while he talked loudly on his phone.
Buddy Gotham (inside bathroom): I’m telling you, respect is everything. Fear is currency. If people ain’t scared of you, you got nothin’—
Smirking and snickering. Rok can't help himself.
Rok (whispering): Let’s diversify your portfolio.
Reaching into the bag. Rok pulled out a cherry bomb—red, stubby, and way more powerful than anything sold legally. He flicked the lighter.
Fsssss.
The sound made Rok's eyes widen with fear!
Rok: Oh shit oh shit oh shit—
The bathroom door cracked open slightly as Buddy Gotham shifted on the toilet.
Buddy Gotham: Who’s out there?
Panicked and gasping. Rok tries to strategize his next move.
Rok: Think fast!
Then Rok lobbed the cherry bomb like a softball through the cracked door. A plopping sound was heard.
Buddy Gotham (confused): What the fuck was—
BOOOOOOM! The toilet detonated like it had declared war on plumbing itself. Porcelain shards blasted outward. Water, smoke, and unidentifiable debris filled the bathroom.
Buddy Gotham (screams): MY ASS! MY ASS IS ON FIRE!
The bathroom door blew open. Buddy Gotham stumbled into the hallway, pants around his ankles, face covered in soot, hair singed, bleeding slightly, holding what remained of the toilet seat like a broken shield.
Buddy Gotham: WHO DID THIS?! I WILL KILL YOU! I WILL END YOUR BLOODLINE!
Rok stood frozen at the end of the hall, eyes wide, mouth open.
Rok: …Worth it?
Buddy Gotham locked eyes with him.
Time slowed.
Buddy Gotham (low, dangerous): Rok Yen.
Turning and sprinted. Buddy Gotham had Rok in his sights.
Rok: NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE—
Slipped on water, slammed into the wall, Buddy Gotham roared in pain.
Buddy Gotham: YOU OWE ME, YOU SON OF A BITCH! FIVE GRAND OR YOU’RE DEAD! DEAD!
Bursting out the front door, Rok finds himself laughing hysterically as he ran into the night.
Rok (breathless, manic): Okay! Lesson learned! Never prank a mob guy while he’s taking a shit! (thinks) But where am I going to get $5000? I know, maybe I'll have Dr. Nopey become a singer!
Scene 1:
At a local failing karaoke club. Dr Nopey was up on stage singing. Or what it seemed like singing. Rok, Draka, Korney, Mojo, and UD12 were all watching him perform. Dr Nopey was singing a Rat Pack song.
Korney (to Rok): He's nailing it! He's going to make it! Record deal here we come!
Dr Nopey (singing): Buys an eight by twelve four-bit room I'm a man of means by no means, king of the road.
The CD player abruptly stops and it was revealed all along that Dr Nopey was lip syncing.
Korney (panics): Oh no! Power outage!
Not only were Rok, Korney, UD12, Mojo, and Draka looking at him in disdain. The other members of the audience was too.
Audience Member: A-ha! You weren't really singing!
Dr. Nopey: Uh uh uh, of course I was!
Audience Member: Okay then, prove it!
Dr. Nopey: Fine I will! One of you change the CD please!
Rok: I'll do it!
Running to the CD player, Rok takes out the Rat Pack CD and puts in a CD of Novelty Songs. Pressing Play, The song Curly Shuffle begins.
Rok: Okay! This is the last chance! Don't FUCK UP!
Dr. Nopey (looking around all nervous): Uh, uh, uh.....
Draka: Sing! Never mind the moves!
Dr Nopey: Uhhh, okay! (sings) When me and my friends go out on the town. We can't sit still and we can't sit down. We don't like to fight and we don't like to scuffle.. But we dance all night doing the Curly shuffle.
Not knowing the other lyrics to the song, Dr Nopey begins to act like Curly which makes the audience throw chairs and broken glass bottles at him.
Audience Member: I knew it! He's not a real singer!
Audience Member #2: After them!
Rok, Korney, Draka, Mojo UD12, and Dr Nopey all ran out of the karaoke club. Far far away from the angry audience mob! Little did they all know that while they were being chased, Mojo threw a bong full of weed at the crowd.
Mojo: Saved our asses back there, hey?
UD12: Fuck! I'm still alive. I was hoping to get killed.
Korney: Sure did! We owe you one man! (to Mojo) Now look at them!
Audience Members: Hey, that's smooth man.....
Rok: Shit! I felt like I was Johnny Depp in that Ed Wood movie.
Draka (giggles): I remember that scene (Bela Lugosi impression): Now THAT was a preimere!
Rok: You really fucked up this time, Dr Nopey! (walking in anger)
Dr. Nopey: Hey! Why not get mad at Korney! He's the one who produced this idea! With that stupid ass 'horn' of his!
Rok: No we're not going to bash Korney just to make you happy!
Korney: What? Did I hear that correctly? Dr Nopey is jealous of me? Since when?
Mojo (to Dr. Nopey): You really need to let go of this jealous you have of Korney man!
Draka: Let's just go back home.
Afterwards, Rok drives Draka, Dr. Nopey, Mojo, UD12, and Korney back to their house. Rok, still mad at Dr. Nopey yells at him some more.
Rok: You were supposed to be singing The Rat Pack and instead you pulled a Milli Vanilli!
Dr. Nopey: I really was singing, honest!
Rok: The hell you were! We didn't even raise one single dime back there! Don't you know what is going to happen to me if we don't get enough money?!
Dr. Nopey: Yeah yeah! I already know. Won't be able to pay off Buddy Gotham.
Rok: And let's all your fault and......
Mojo comes with a bucket of water while imitating a siren and pours it over Rok and Dr. Nopey.
Draka (laughs); Finally happened to you two instead of me!
Mojo: We can sell some of my weed and give the profit to Buddy Gotham.
Rok: He's going to assassinate me JFK style!
Draka: Why are you in debt with Buddy Gotham?
Rok: It's not debt. He caught me a couple of weeks ago planting cherry bombs in his toilet. Then the toilet exploded on him. Once he found out it was me, he told me I need to pay him $5000 or he'll assassinate me.
Dr. Nopey: Well, we're a start up team. Let's come up with something that doesn't evolve jazz singing! And I can get out of it guilt free!
Rok looks out the window and sees the first signs of fall. Brown leaves blowing from a tree. Trying to think of the next start up, but can't think of anything.
Scene 2:
Mojo joins Rok who is still looking out the window. Watches the residents of Palo Alto get ready for autumn. Picking apples, running through pumpkin patches, kids and teens going back to school.
Rok: Nothing fun ever happens in the fall.
Mojo: Even in a warm state like California where we live.
Draka (runs into the room): You got a phonecall Rok!
Rok runs as Draka gives him the cellphone. It was Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig.
Blonde: Rok!
Rok: Oh hi, Blonde!
Leprechaun: We just got a call from Buddy Gotham.
Rok: OKay.....heh heh.
Pig: He told us to tell you that you have 24 hours to give him $5000!
Rok: I don;t really do well with deadlines but...
Blonde: You better!
Leprechaun: He's coming to look for you!
Pig: When you least expect it, you're going to have a bullet in your head!
Blonde, Leprechaun and Pig hung up abruptly.
Dr Nopey: You're the leader, do something!
Mojo: When Rok was looking out the window, he said 'Nothing fun ever happens in the fall'.
Dr Nopey: Care to put a spin around that, Rok?
Rok: I got it! Spring and summer always have carnivals, right? So why not have an Autumn Carnival?
Korney's unicorn horn begins to activate.
Rok: Korney! Save my life and take it away!
Korney: Rok, I’m seeing it—an ecosystem of joy. A scalable fun‑cluster. A carnival that monetizes wonder itself. Picture this: rides that run on adrenaline and questionable engineering. Investors will eat it up Your carnival won’t just entertain. It will disrupt leisure. I hereby bestow upon you the sacred Minimum Viable Carnival. Three tents, one ride, and a business model held together by optimism.My horn tingles with destiny. Build the Ferris wheel first. Everything else will orbit around it. The universe whispers: Start with chaos. Monetize the chaos.
Rok: Okay! That's our answer! A carnival it is!
UD12: Hate to say this, but I called the bank and it says you only have $3000.
Draka: Shit! That means we can't buy that abadoned parking lot across the street.
Rok: Or we can steal it!
Korney: Where are we going to get stuff for the carnival?
Rok: I know a place. Draka, UD, Korney, Dr, Nopey, and Mojo you're all coming with me!
Dr. Nopey: The hell I am!
Rok: What's your problem?
Dr. Nopey: You blamed me for not being a good enough singer! What did you expect when you made me lip sync that stupid ass karaoke? What did you think that was, Puttin On The Hits? The 1980s are over! You're on your own you do this with the others! Goodbye! Sayonara asshole! (slams door)
Rok: Guess we don't need him.
UD12: Just like this world doesn't need me!
Rok: I can tell he's still upset with me. He'll get over it.
Korney: Yeah, just give him some time.
Draka, Rok, Korney, UD12, and Mojo all jump into the car and drive.
Scene 3:
Rok drives Korney, Draka, UD12, and Mojo to some train tracks. Mojo runs around the tracks imitating a train.
Mojo: Chugga Chugga Chugga Chugga! CHOO! CHOO! Chugga Chugga Chugga Chugga! CHOO CHOO!
UD12: this is no time for comedy! Stop that already!
Draka: Train tracks?! What the fuck! What do train tracks have to do with carnivals?
Rok: When the carnival is over, a train that comes by has all the rides to take back to the factory.
Mojo: Do we wait for the train?
Rok: Precisely.
UD12: Can I jump into the train when it comes?
Korney: Hey Rok. Did you bring those muffins?
Rok: Of course! (shows Korney a bag of muffins)
Korney: What is the plan here?
Rok: I'm going to throw one at the train conductor then I'll drive the train back to Palo Alto and bring the rides to the abadoned parking lot!
The train was coming from a long distance. With the horn blowing far away. The muffins Rok had emited some strong fumes that went straight into Korney's nose. Making it look like Korney was getting a contact high. Then Korney begins to have a 'flashback'. The flashback sequence starts when Korney remembers himself as the Unicorn Prince with his father The Unicorn King.
Unicorn King: Come on son! Climb up! All aboard!
Young Korney: A train Dad?
Unicorn King: Yes I am going to teach you how to conduct one so you can give our people tours of our kingdom.
Young Korney: Okay.
On the train in the dream sequence. Young Korney presses the wrong button and the train goes off the tracks and falls down in the grass in circles. The flashback sequence ends.
Korney: I saw my Dad again.
Rok: Forget that for now.
Getting his 'muffins' ready. Rok waits as the train comes closer.
Draka: You going to do some Lawrence of Arabia shit here?
Mojo: That movie is even more fun to watch when you're high.
Rok is getting ready to throw the muffin at the train conductor.
Korney: Ready....
Mojo: Get set!
Draka: GO!
Rok throws the muffin and it lands on the train conductors head. Causing him to fall off the train. Rok, Korney, Draka, UD12, and Mojo all hop aboard.
Mojo: Good work, man!
Rok: Okay! We did it! Fall Carnival here we come!
Korney: No bullets in the head for you!
Driving the train back to Palo Alto, Rok, Draka, Mojo, UD12, and Korney all put their plan into motion.
Scene 4:
Rok drives the train to the abadoned parking lot. UD12 being a robot and the strongest was taking the rides out of the train and setting them on parking lot. Once all the rides were unpacked, Rok sends the train back without a conductor until it falls off a cliff and explodes.
UD12: Is this any way to treat a robot with severe depression? Where is Affirmative Action when you need it!
Rok: Yes! It's all set.
Korney: Now all we need are some people to come.
Mojo: Can I have my own tent where I can sell weed?
A cellphone rings Draka answers it and Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig are asking for Rok again.
Draka: Phone again for you.
Rok: Yes, what is it now?
Leprechaun: Buddy Gotham contacted us again.
Rok: Are his demands getting worse?
Blonde: That's why we called to warn you!
Pig: He says now you have 23 hours! Hope you're planning something that'll attract people!
Rok: Actually we do. We are putting on an Autumn Carnival!
Blonde: Who in the fuck goes to a carnival in the fall?
Rok: Tell you what, why don't you guys come here and.....
Blonde: Yes we are coming there.
Lephrechaun: To see if the rides are safe.
Pig: Tell us where it is.
Rok: Uhh, yes. It's across the street from our house.
Blonde: We're coming.
Leprechaun, Blonde, and Pig were on their way to Rok's Autumn Carnival.
Scene 5:
A half hour later, while Rok, Draka, Korney, UD12, and Mojo were waiting. None of them see anyone coming to their Autumn Carnival.
Draka: It's never a good idea to create a carnival this time of year!
Mojo: Yeah, and on a Monday too!
UD12: That's my favorite Mamas and The Papas Song.
Korney (sees a car): Oh look. Here comes someone now.
The car parks and it's Blonde, Leprechaun and Pig.
Rok: Okay! The show is about to begin! So, all you guys need to do is pay me $5000 and....
Blonde: We do have that money but you're not getting it now!
Rok: Why? Don't you see my life is at fucking stake?
Leprechaun: You brought that upon yourself.
Pig: Yeah, you think we don't know it was you who planted those cherry bombs in Buddy Gothams' toilet.
Draka: You say you want to test out these rides.....
Korney (horn is beginning to activate again): Have Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig test out the rides first. Then if all the rides deem safe. Then you can have them pay you the money.
Blonde: Hmmm, this unicorn seems to know his shit.
Rok: All right. Fine. You guys can test out the rides for safety.
Leprechaun: And then you'll get your $5000.
Pig (points to Rok): If they're safe!
Draka: OKay, which one do you want to ride first?
Rok, Korney, Draka, Mojo, and UD12 were giving Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig the tour of their autumn carnival.
Scene 6:
The abandoned parking lot had been transformed overnight. Flickering lights, mismatched tents, and rides that looked like they’d been assembled by raccoons with engineering degrees from Craigslist.
Rok looks nervously as Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig stood with arms crossed.
Blonde: So this is the “Autumn Carnival” that’s supposed to save your life?
Rok (grinning nervously): Yep! Seasonal magic. Liability waivers are implied.
Pig: Why does that merry-go-round smell like gasoline?
Mojo:That’s ambience, man.
The merry-go-round creaked as Rok helped strap them in.
Leprechaun: Why are there seatbelts on a merry-go-round?
Korney (horn faintly glowing): Because destiny demanded torque.
UD12: If this kills them, can I be next?
Draka: No dying before the test run. That’s rule number three in the book.
Rok flipped a switch. The merry-go-round lurched… then accelerated violently.
Blonde: WHY IS IT SPEEDING UP?!
Pig: THIS ISN’T WHIMSICAL, THIS IS WAR!
Leprechaun: I CAN SEE TIME BENDING!
The horses blurred into streaks of color. Blonde’s hair snapped like a flag in a hurricane.
Mojo (yelling over the noise): HEY! You guys look tense (casually held up a joint.) Anyone wanna mellow out?
Blonde (green-faced): I think I’m gonna—
Pig and Leprechaun vomited simultaneously, the centrifugal force flinging it outward like a Jackson Pollock painting of regret.
Draka (jumping back): HOLY SHIT!
UD12: That was almost beautiful.
Rok hit the brakes. The merry-go-round slowed to a stop.
Pig (panting): I hate autumn.
Korney: Okay! Where to next?
Rok: Where else? The Ferris Wheel.
Although they still had their bearings. Pig, Blonde, and Leprechaun were following Rok, Draka, Korney, Mojo, and UD12 to the ferris wheel.
Scene 7:
Now everyone was at the Ferris Wheel. Rok clapped his hands.
Rok: Save your feedback! Now for our centerpiece!
The Ferris wheel loomed overhead—crooked, rusted, and humming ominously.
Blonde: Why are the seats… padded like asylum walls?
Korney: Full-body restraint enhances perspective.
Leprechaun: That does not reassure me.
They were locked in place, arms and legs secured.
Pig: I can’t feel my wallet.
Rok (innocently): Probably fear.
The Ferris wheel began to turn… then suddenly rotated upside down.
Blonde: WHY ARE WE INVERTED?!
Pig: I’M LOSING CHANGE!
Coins, bills, and folded stacks of cash spilled from their pockets, raining down.
Scramblong below, Rok starts scooping money into a sack.
Rok: Huh. Look at that. Seasonal shedding.
UD12: Capitalism finally makes sense.
Draka: This is either genius or a felony.
Mojo: Why not both?
Feeling his horn pulsed brighter. Korney speaks some more.
Korney: The wheel reveals truth. And loose pants.
The Ferris wheel slowed and stopped.
Blonde (furious): Did you just ROB us?!
Rok: No no no. The ride did.
Draka: Where do you guys want to ride on next?
Leprechaun: Don't you guys have any games around here?
Rok: Nope just rides.
Korney: Then maybe you guys would want to ride on the Roller Coaster that goes into the sky! As we like to call it The Erection!
Pointing to the roller coaster known as The Erection. Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig follow Rok, Draka, Korney, Mojo and UD12 with reluctance.
Scene 8:
Over on the other side of the Carnival. Rok pointed to the final attraction.
Rok: Last ride. Crowd favorite. The Erection!
Pig: That roller coaster is pointed at the sky.
Mojo: Vertical launch, baby.
Draka: OSHA begged us not to do this.
Blonde, Leprechaun, and Pig were strapped in again.
UD12: I wish this thing would malfunction.
Rok pulled the lever.
The coaster rocketed upward, bursting through a painted cloud backdrop and into the night sky.
Blonde: ARE WE IN SPACE?!
Leprechaun: I CAN SEE MY CHILDHOOD!
Pig: I’M TALKING TO GOD AND HE’S LAUGHING!
Stars flashed by. Silence. Weightlessness. Then the coaster plummeted, smashing through a flimsy wall and into a room of mirrors. Reflections shattered and multiplied. Blonde saw dozens of herself screaming. Pig punched a mirror and immediately regretted it.
Leprechaun: WHY AM I SHORTER IN THIS ONE?!
The ride screeched to a halt. Smoke. Broken glass. Existential dread.
Mojo (clapping): That never gets old.
Scene 9:
Staggered out of the damage caused by The Erection and Rok's manvuering of the ride. Blonde, Leprechuan and Pig find themselves,covered in vomit, glass dust, and humiliation.
Blonde: Your carnival is a death trap.
Pig: It’s unsafe. That theme park from The Lost Boys looked safer than this bullshit excuse of a carnival!
Leprechaun: And deeply offensive to physics.
Rok swallowed. Then a deep bell chime was heard.
Blonde: You might want to check your clock!
Checking his clock, Rok sees that the 23 hours has passed. Spending all day with Draka, Mojo, UD12, and Korney showing Blonde, Lephechaun and Pig his Autumn Carnival.
Rok (screams): AAAAAHHHH! How did 23 hours pass so fast!
Korney: This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'Time Flies When You're Having Fun.
Blonde: We're leaving! Enjoy your last moments on Earth!
Leprechaun: You're on your own.
Pig: We're not getting involved here! Goodbye!
Lephechaun: By the way, this carnival gets 0 stars! We'll be sure to contact Yelp!
Blonde (sees a car): Here comes the guest of honor!
Song: Live's I Alone plays.
The car drives up to the carnival and out comes Buddy Gotham. With a loaded gun in his hand ready to kill Rok. As Blonde, Leprechaun and Pig make their departure.
Buddy Gotham: So I see you were too busy playing little games here!
Rok: I tried to get the money with this carnival and.....
Buddy Gotham: SHUT UP! I'll do the talking around here! I only believe what I want to believe! From what I can see you were more interested goofing off than paying me off!
Rok: That's not true! Tell them you guys!
Draka: He created this carnival so he can use the money to pay you so you won't off him!
Korney: If you're going to kill him. You might as well kill us all too!
Buddy Gotham: Well it's too late now! (points the gun) The only reality that matters is the one I see! So, Rok! Where would you like to be shot? The face or the chest?
UD12 tries to jump in front of Rok but Buddy Gotham pushes him away. Then Mojo tries to intervene by giving Buddy Gotham a cream puff made out of weed.
Mojo: Here Buddy! Have a weed puff!
Buddy Gotham: (throws the weed puff): I don't want no fucking weed puff! (back to Rok): Now lets bring the conversation back to us, Rok! You know!
Korney: Wow! What a killer Jackie Gleason as Buford T Justice impression!
Rok: Go ahead. Shoot me! I deserve it. I never should've thrown that cherry bomb in your toilet!
Buddy Gotham: Thank you (points gun at Rok) You had no right to do that! You did that out of anger! Because you hate me! Any last words before you die!
At the moment when Buddy Gotham was going to pull the trigger and kill Rok. Buddy Gotham gets knocked from behind with a crowbar. Then a bag of money is thrown onto Buddy Gotham's head. Rok goes to open the bag of money it had $5000 in it.
Rok: But, I don't get it. How could this be?
A voice from behind that said, "Here to Snatch Someone From The Jaws of Death." Rok, Korney, UD12, Mojo, and Draka all turn around. And much to their surprise, it was Dr. Nopey.
Korney: Dr. Nopey?!?! But how?
Draka: I thought you gave up on Rok for humiliating you doing that jazz karaoke.
Dr. Nopey: Life is too short to stay mad at someone. Rok, I realized your life was in danger. So after a while of thinking in my lab. I decided it was time for me to step up to the plate and help you.
Mojo (crying): How do you like that guy! Wasted a perfectly good weed puff!
Rok: That's enough, Mojo! Anyway, Dr. Nopey explain your story.
Draka: How did you get $5000?
Dr. Nopey: I have a bank account in Barbados. I get $5000 a year for that porno I made years ago.
Korney: Wow! You really came through for Rok! How did you track us down?
Dr. Nopey: When I was in my lab I watched you guys from my computer.
Rok: Wow, thanks so much Dr. Nopey! Remind me to never force you to sing in karaoke bars.
Dr. Nopey: Friendship is better than grudges. Let's go home.
Draka: Hey, wait a minute? What about the carnival?
Rok: Let's leave that all to Buddy Gotham.
Getting an IPAD, Rok puts the carnival in Buddy Gotham's name. Dr. Nopey takes back his money.
Rok: Boy if he thinks I hate him now.......
Dr. Nopey: Money Is The Root of All Evil My Ass! I say money came through for us! Money Is The Root of all Heroics if you ask me!
UD12: Can I have some of that money to travel to Switzerland so I can get myself euthanized?
Mojo: This calls for a weed party! Weed puffs anyone? The taste and high will blow you away!
Rok, Korney, Draka, Mojo UD12, and Dr. Nopey all go back to their home. Then wait for the next start up idea for them to come up with.
Scene 10 Conclusion:
2 weeks later. Buddy Gotham obtained ownership of Rok's Autumn Carnival. A long line waited for tickets.
Buddy Gotham: Wow! Who would've thought! I get knocked on my head and the next time I know. I have my own carnival! Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls—your adventure starts right here! You’ll laugh, you’ll scream, you’ll tell your friends you were brave enough to try!
The line breaks up, and Kylie along with two security guards walk up to Buddy Gotham.
Security Guard: Go home people! Go home! This carnival is SHIT!
Kylie (walks up to Buddy Gotham): Are you the owner of this carnival?
Buddy Gotham: Uhhh, I guess?
Kylie (shows Buddy Gotham an IPAD): Says right here you do own it!
Buddy Gotham: Yeah, so?
Kylie: Are you aware that this carnival is being condemned for safety violations? According to Yelp all of these rides are dangerous!!
Buddy Gotham (shocked): THEY ARE?!?!?!?!?
Kylie: Yes, correct! (holds a megaphone): Crew, take all this away!
A construction crew comes and disassemble all the carnival rides. Buddy Gotham has a tantrum.
Buddy Gotham (screaming at the sky): FUCK YOU! I HATE YOU ROK YEN! One day Rok! One day! When you least expect it! BOOM! YOU ARE DDDEEEEAAAADDDDDD!!!!!
THE END
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