Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD
After a long hiatus and some soul searching. Thus trying my hand at other adult cartoons I like. I am finally back doing Paradise PD fanfics! Let me know in the comments (totally your choice) if I did lose my edge with fanfics.
Paradise PD
fanfic title:
Causal Fri-Stray
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
Reporting for work at Paradise PD headquarters. It was a Friday morning. Chief Randall reports for duty. As he proudly marches into the building. Standing tall splashing some Old Spice on himself. In his neatly pressed uniform. Randall walks into the conference room with confidence.
Randall (thinking) Time to do my Robin Williams impression. (speaks): GOOOOD MMMOOORRRRNNNNIIINNNGGG PARADISE PD!
Much to Randall's chargin, nobody was in their uniforms. Kevin was wearing a black sleeved grey shirt with jeans and sneakers. Gina was wearing a white t shirt, light blue jeans, and brown boots. Dusty was in jeans plus wearing his I Love Virginia yellow t shirt. Stanley was wearing a pink t shirt and brown pants and black shoes.
Kevin: Look Dad! No uniforms!
Randall: What the fuck do you think this is? Clancey's Pool Room?
Stanley: What fun times I had there. I used my buttocks to clean the pool sticks! mmm mmm!
Gina: We decided to have causal Friday, Chief!
Dusty: If other work places can do Causal Friday! So can we cops, too! Right?
Randall: No! I will not allow this! It will not stand! We're supposed to be dignifed policemen!
Kevin: Well, Mom says it's okay!
Randall: Mom may by in charge of the city but not here! Get into your uniforms now and...
Bullet runs in through the enterance.
Randall: Oh great. Don't tell me you're getting in on this Causal Friday bullshit too, Bullet.
Bullet: Me? I'm naturally nude! Everyday is Causal Friday to me!
Randall: Maybe you can talk some sense into these fuckasses.....
Bullet: Hey guys! Good news! The Paradise Fairgrounds is having their annual Outdoor Festival today! Who wants in!
Kevin: I do!
Dusty: Now we can really have a fun Friday!
Gina: I'm in too!
Stanley: Bet it'll be like a Norman Rockwell painting!
Bullet: As the infomercials say, but wait there's more.....
Dusty: Let me guess, a huge buffet?
Bullet: there's a stray dog running around the festival and everyone is playing with it!
Randall: Oh no you don't! We have important police business to attend to and.....
Kevin, Dusty, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley all run out of the Paradise PD headquarters and tramble over Randall. Now laying on the ground, Randall grumbles to himself.
Randall: Since when did I ever become in charge of a bunch of loser cops who are like a mix between Police Academy and Lethal Weapon.
Scene 2:
In a Paradise PD police car, Bullet was driving Kevin, Stanley, Gina, and Dusty to the Paradise Fairgrounds. The car made a stop. The Outdoor fetival had games like dunk into a pool, sack racing, red rover, ring toss, balloon darts, tug of war and cornhole.
Bullet: Well, here we are! Paradise Fairgrounds.
Stanley: Better be careful. That dog might be rabid like Old Yeller.
Kevin (breaths fresh air): Smell that air everyone! That's the smell of Friday!
Bullet (taking a joint): Speaking of Friday! Let's make it be like the movie with Ice Cube! (breathes in the joint) YYYEEEAAAAHHH!!!
Dusty (sees the stray dog): Hey look, fellas! There is the dog right now!
Gina: Come to mama, puppy!
Everyone who was anyone in Paradise was at the Outdoor Festival. Robbie, Delbert, Camaro Bob, Karen, Anton, Hobo Cop, Preacher Paul and his husband, Unregistered Earl, Dr. Functlicher, Patty Mae, and Mrs Geraldine. Some were in tents organizing the games. However, since the stray dog came onto the fairgrounds. Everyone was chasing the dog.
Hobo Cop: Hey! Doesn't anyone here want to dunk Hobo Cop?
Kevin, Bullet, Dusty, Gina, and Stanley soon joined in on chasing the dog.
Karen: Kevin? Aren't you supposed to be at work?
Anton: Playing hooky are we? You're no Ferris Bueller that's for sure.
Kevin: Bullet invited us here!
Bullet: Guilty as charged Karen. Once I heard about the stray dog I just had to invite them all here.
Karen: All right. You and your idiot cops just stay out of trouble.
The stray dog stopped for a while, Dusty came to pet it.
Dusty: Hmmm, maybe I can handle this dog. I bet it's just like a cat.
Robbie: Hey, Dusty! Why don't you let the dog into the Pentacoastal Church across the street?
Delbert: Yeah, you'll be granted a hero if you do!
Gina (comes between Robbie and Delbert): Don't listen to these twat waffles! They're trying to get you in trouble.
Dusty: Right.
Bullet: Hmm let's see what else we can have fun with this dog! Dusty? Don't you always carry with you a raw steak?
Dusty went into his pants pocket and threw a raw steak into the air and the stray dog chased after it.
Kevin: Guys, the dog went this way! Let's get it.
Leading the way, Bullet, Kevin, Gina, Dusty, and Stanley. Along with anyone else who was there were running after the stray dog. A Paradise PD cop car parked by and out came Randall. Who was suspicious as hell why Kevin, Dusty, Gina, Stanley, and Bullet wanted to come to an Outdoor Festival just to chase around the dog. Stanley was struggling to keep up the pace of everyone else who was chasing the dog.
Randall: So, that motherfucker Kevin and all the other motherfuckers went to this outdoor fest without me hey? Well, let's just see how they're going to fuck up.
Stanley: Hey, fellas! Wait for me! Wait for me!!!!!
Scene 3:
Kevin, Bullet, Dusty, and Gina were all having a great time at the Outdoor Festival running after the stray dog. That was until the stray dog went into hiding under a wooden stairway on account it was tired. Stanley finally caught up with everyone.
Stanley (out of breath): Hey! What took you guys so long?!?!? Didn't you know you left me behind? Sumbitches!
Karen: Oh no! The dog went missing.
Anton: Someone should find him.
Robbie (pointing): It's under that wooden bleachers.
Delbert: Someone should go and lure it out.
Camaro Bob: Leave that to me, baby.
Kevin: Try to get it out.
Bullet: So we can chase it around some more!
Crowd: YEAH!
Walking over to the wooden bleachers, Camaro Bob uses a dog whistle. The dog still did not get out of the wooden bleachers.
Kevin: You know, could it be that poor dog is running away from danger?
Camaro Bob: The dog didn't answer to my whistle (walks up to Kevin): you guys are the police! This shouldnt be my job, it should be yours.
Kevin: You're right, Camaro Bob. We're still cops even though it's causal Friday we're still on duty. Hey Bullet, how come you didn't hear that dog whistle?
Bullet: Lost a lot of my hearing due to all the cocaine I've done over the years.
Gina: Okay. It was fun while it lasted.
Dusty: Lets get us a dog!
Bullet: Go about your day everyone. We'll handle this
Robbie: Come on, Delbert. I think it's time for us to go to work at Paradise VHS.
Delbert: This got old in a hurry.
As Robbie and Delbert departed to go to work. The whole crowd at the Outdoor Festival gathered around to watch Kevin, Stanley, Dusty, Bullet, and Gina try to lure the dog out of the bleachers. Stanley gets out a rubber dildo that was in the shape of a dog bone.
Stanley: Rubber dildo! Works every time!
Using the rubber dildo Stanley was able to get the stray dog to trust him. In a matter of seconds, the stray dog got out from under the bleachers and the crowd clapped and cheered.
Kevin: Wow, Stanley! You totally saved the day here!
Stanley: My many flings with Francis Butler have really paid off!
Bullet begins to sniff the stray dog.
Dusty: Bullet, I think that's a boy dog.
Bullet: No that's not why I'm sniffing him.
The stray dog shook itself and out came a piece of paper that was attached to it's collar.
Dusty: Cheese and taters! A clue!
Kevin (opens the paper): It appears to be a address.
Gina (looks at the paper): You're right. I know where that is. I've passed by there many times.
Bullet: Yes, it used to be a 4H Club now it's a ritzy private club.
Stanley (looks at the paper): Yes, it's a turtle club no less.
Dusty: OKay, we'll take the dog with us to this turtle club and see if anyone knows about him or her.
Kevin: I think we got a case here. For once we're doing it without my Dad breathing down our necks.
Gina: Is that why you talked us into the whole 'Causal Friday' thing.
Kevin: You could say that. Yes, you're right. I admit it.
Gina leads the way as Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, Stanley, and the stray dog go back into the Turtle Club. Randall jumps out from the bushes.
Randall: So that was their plan all along? They think they can crack a case without me, hey? I'll show 'em!
Running into his police car, Randall secretly follows Kevin to the Turtle Club.
Scene 4:
Walking away from the Outdoor Festival. Robbie and Delbert were on their way to work at Paradise VHS.
Robbie: You know, Delbert. Those movies aren't going to rent themselves.
Delbert: We're the only town in America that even uses VHS and cassettes.
As Robbie and Delbert arrived at Paradise VHS, they both see a fumigation tent over it. Much to their shock.
Delbert: Hey, Robbie. Nobody told us the circus was in town!
A bunch of men in hazmat suits walk up to Robbie and Delbert.
Robbie: Let's ask these Breaking Bad cosplayers! Excuse me, Breaking Bad cosplayers?
Hazmat Man: You fucking dumbass! This isn't a circus and we're not fucking cosplayers!
Delbert: What the fuck did you do to our workplace, assholes?
Hazmat Man: It's being fumigated! Are you both aware that there was a cockroach problem?
Robbie: But those cockroaches were.......
Hazmat Man: Shut up! Not another word! Come back in 3 weeks. Until then. (gets a pen and paper) Here's your bill! Have a shitty day! (hands Robbie the paper)
Robbie: Sumbitch! $2000! We don't fucking have $2000!
Delbert: Where are we going to come up with that type of money?
A limo pulls up in front of Robbie and Delbert. A window goes down and out comes a hand.
Robbie: Is this a Grey Poupon commercial?
Delbert: I think we should go inside, Robbie.
Going inside the limo. Robbie and Delbert find themselves in the back seat. Fitz and Brett DeMarco reveal themselves to them.
Fitz: We hear you can use some money.
Robbie: How did you know?
Brett DeMarco: It doesn't matter! Do you want to earn some money or not?!?!
Delbert: Anything to pay this fumigation bill.
Fitz (looks at the bill) $2000 right?
Robbie and Delbert: Correct.
Brett DeMarco: Well come on with us. We have a HUGE opportunity for you.
Fitz: You want a job, we're the ones to count on for now.
Robbie and Delbert agree to do whatever it takes to pay the fumigation bill. Brett DeMarco orders the unknown limo driver to take them to their destination.
Fitz (to Brett): Where's Zeta?
Brett DeMarco: She and her friends are on a trip to Univeral Studios.
Fitz: Good, we want her nowhere near these lowlife Hicks!
Robbie and Delbert (together): What did you call us?!?!
Brett DeMarco: We said we're going to get some women to pull some tricks!
Scene 5:
Kevin arrived at the Turtle Club. Getting out of the police car. Before they enter, Gina notices Dusty was missing.
Gina: Hey, Dusty wandered off.
Bullet: Knowing him he's probably releasing his Chef Boyardee farts.
Stanley had the stray dog in his hands. The stray dog starts barking at a mysterious figure that resembles a turtle. The turtle figure was walking towards Kevin, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley. Sure enough. The turtle figure was Dusty in a turtle suit.
Kevin: DUSTY! What do you think this is? A Ninja Turtles Convention?
Dusty: What's wrong with my turtle suit? Aren't I turtley enough for the Turtle Club! Turtle turtle!
Bullet (laughs): I see what you did there, Dusty!
Gina (laughs): Of course! That's from Master of Disguise! Worst Dana Carvey movie ever!
From far away, Randall hid inside a mailbox and used a telescope.
Randall: Typical fatass Dusty! When they screw up. They'll realize they're worthless without me! Then that's when I step in! ha ha ha ha!
Stanley (opens the door): After you.....
Kevin, Gina, Dusty, Bullet, Stanley who's still carrying the stray dog enter the exclusive Turtle Club. Looking around. It was a highbrow uppercrust setting. As they walked around they hear people talk about wildlife and nature. It was a nature and wildlife club. Every now and then Dusty uttered, "Turtle Turtle". One of the members comes up to them.
Member: Excuse me. You need formal attire and an exclusive membership. (looks at Dusty): What's the hell is the matter with him?!?
Dusty: Turtle Turtle!
Bullet: You see we're here on police business.
Member: If you guys are cops why aren't you in uniforms?
Gina, Kevin, Bullet, Stanley, and even Dusty despite acting silly in his turtle suit, show them their badges.
Member: Okay your story checks out.
Stanley: Know anything about Lassie here! (shows the member the stray dog)
Member: Oh my gosh! I do know that dog! That's Tricky Woo! We all named him here in The Turtle Club.
Kevin: You mean like in that Masterpiece Theater show my mom watches All Creatures Great and Small?
Member: Yes we're big fans of that show here in the Turtle Club. Come with me!
The member leads Stanley, Gina, Dusty, Bullet, and Kevin into a basement. The member hands them a suitcase full of money.
Bullet: Wow! look at all that dough! Imagine what how much heroin you can buy with that.
Member: Use this money to go on a plane to Indonesia.
Gina: What can we possibly find there?
Member: I went on a nature walk there. We all go on nature walks to study animals all over the world. Even in third world countries. Then I found this dog running away from what looked like a studio for a Youtube channel. You go there, find out why the dog ran away from the studio.
Dusty: Turtle Turtle!
Kevin: You know, we found Tricky Woo here running around in an Outdoor Festival. Everyone there chased after it.
Member: Yes indeed. Poor Tricky Woo has trust issues. I even introduced him to everyone here in the Turtle Club. Poor fella thought we wanted to hurt him so he ran away from us too. Even though we showed him love.
Stanley: What time does the flight leave?
Member: In an hour or so. (hands Kevin a map and a paper with an address on it.) This is where I saw that Youtube studio.
Kevin: Okay guys! We have this case all to ourselves! My dad is nowhere to be seen! Indonesia here we come!
Gina: Can we take the dog with us?
Member: Yes you can. You'll need him.
Bullet: Wow Indonesia! Hope there's a party filled nightlife there!
Dusty: Turtle Turtle!
Bullet: You can stop that now, Dusty!
Dusty (taking off his turtle costume) Awwwwww.....
Gina, Stanley, Dusty, Kevin, and Bullet and Tricky Woo in tow all leave the Turtle Club to go the Paradise Internation Airport.
Scene 6:
The limo pulls up to a rusted, massive industrial dry dock. A gargantuan, weathered fishing trawler named "The Salty Mistress" looms over them. It looks like it hasn’t seen the ocean since the 80s Fitz and Brett exit the limo, followed by a hesitant Robbie and Delbert.
Fitz: (Gesturing to the boat) There she is. Your golden ticket to two thousand large.
Delbert: (Squinting) That’s not a boat, Fitz. That’s a spirit cooking waiting to happen.
Brett DeMarco: It’s a classic! And it needs to be refurbished by tomorrow.
Robbie: We’re VHS clerks, Brett! I can rewind a tape with a pencil, but I don’t know the first thing about nautical engineering.
Fitz: It’s simple math, Robbie. Step one: Find the leaks. We can't have this tub sinking the moment it hits the Atlantic.
Delbert: Okay, how do we do that? You got some high-tech sonar or something?
Brett DeMarco: (Laughs) High-tech? Just use your head! To find out where the water gets in, you gotta fill the boat with water and see where it leaks out.
Robbie: (Pauses) That actually sounds... oddly logical? In a Star Trek sense.
Fitz: (Pointing) Robbie! Stop overthinking and get the industrial hose from the pump station. Brett, show Delbert where the brushes are.
Brett DeMarco: (Pushes a heavy bucket and a rusted wire brush into Delbert’s chest) You. Scrub the floors. Every inch. I want to see my reflection in the grime!
Delbert: (Groaning) This is going to take way more than three weeks
On his hands and knees, Delbert finds himself scrubbing a patch of deck that just seems to get darker the more he rubs. Robbie is struggling with a heavy, pulsating rubber hose near a small porthole on the side of the hull.
Fitz: (Muffled, from inside the cabin) Robbie! Are you ready with that hose?
Robbie: I’m trying! This thing has a mind of its own!
Fitz: (Sticking his head out a nearby porthole) Don’t just stand there! Hand me the nozzle through the porthole. I’ll guide it into the bilge.
Robbie: Right! Porthole. Incoming!
Robbie lifts the nozzle. He tries to adjust the pressure valve, but his hands are slippery. SQUIRT. A jet of water hits the side of the boat. SQUIRT. Another jet hits a nearby seagull.
Fitz: (Yelling) What are you doing out there? Give me the hose!
Robbie: I’m just doing a few practice squirts! I gotta get the aim right!
Robbie pivots and aims for the porthole. He overcompensates. A high-pressure blast of cold harbor water hits Fitz squarely in the face, pinning his head back against the cabin wall.
Fitz: (Sputtering and coughing) GAAAH! STOP! STOP IT!
Robbie: (Panicked) Oh man! Sorry! I was just...
Fitz: (Wiping water from his eyes, livid) What the hell are you trying to do, drown me?!
Robbie: I was putting the hose through the hole! Like you said! It’s a narrow target, Fitz!
Fitz: (Growling) Give me that!
Fitz reaches out, snatches the hose away from Robbie with a violent jerk, and pulls it inside. Robbie stumbles forward, nearly hitting the hull.
Brett DeMarco: (From the upper deck) LESS SHOWERING, MORE SCRUBBING! THAT BILL ISN'T GETTING ANY SMALLER!
Delbert: (To himself) I miss the cockroaches. At least they didn't have a limo.
Scene 7:
Now on their way to Indonesia on the airplane 30,000 feet up in the air. Randall was in the cargo hold. Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, Stanley, and Gina were on their way to find out the connection Tricky Woo has with an Indonesian Youtube Channel.
Kevin: Wow! Isn't this awesome! Not only are we solving this case without my Dad, we're on a trip around the world!
Bullet: I'm excited for this myself. Funny thing is, that pilot never said how long it takes to get from Paradise to Indonesia.
Stanley: Last time I was there I was a bit player in the film Asmara Moerni.
Dusty: Hey, Tricky Woo, how are you holding up there, fella?
Gina: I've busted punks in Africa, now I'm going to kick ass in Indonesia too!
The airplane does a signal high low chime and the pilot speaks out.
Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain speaking! We're flying over the Indian ocean. Forgot to mention that we'll be in Indonesia in 15 hours.
Bullet: 15 hours! What the fuck! What are we going to do for 15 hours! This is like the end of the first Rush Hour movie.
Kevin: No shit! How is Tricky Woo supposed to go to the bathroom!
Gina: We can play APP games. Or listen to a true crime podcast. That how I passed the time when I went to Africa.
Dusty: Or even better. How about we watch ASMR videos!
Stanley: Is that some kind of saadio masochism?
Dusty: No, there these really cool gory videos about people getting ticks and worms removed and getting holes fulled up.
Kevin: Uhhh, if you say so, Dusty. I would've prefered to watch K Pop Demon Hunters.
Gina: Let's watch what Dusty wants! I'm in the mood for some gore!
Bullet: If this is what it takes to pass the time. (getting a crack pipe and smokes some dope) Stupid custom agents don't suspect a thing when it comes to dogs!
Dusty: All right! We'll go to my all time favorite Youtube Channel Asie Nodni.
Once Tricky Woo heard the words of Dusty's favorite Youtube channel, he whimpered and hid himself in an overhead compartment.
Bullet: Hmmm, what's with him?
Stanley, Gina, Dusty, and Bullet (who was high from the crack he snuck aboard) all gathered around to watch AMSR videos with Dusty. Which shows people who have honeycomb wounds shaped like perfect holes on their scalps getting black worms removed. Ticks all lined all up in perfect rows getting clipped away. And videos that included removal of ticks and maggots from hands, ears, and feet as well. Even full bodies filled with parasites getting brushed away and supposed 'scalps' that were shaped like underwater sponges with bugs crawling around the crevices. Everyone was amused except Kevin.
Kevin: You guys go ahead without me! Fuck this! I'm watching K Pop Demon Hunters (vomits in a bag)
Dusty: Relaxing isn't it! It's all so real!
Back in the cargo hold, Randall was determined as ever to follow his crew.
Randall: Hmmm, I actually like the cargo hold! It's the best way to travel!
Scene 8:
Hours crawl by. The sun dips, the air gets colder, and the dry dock smells even more aggressively like old fish and bad decisions Robbie is waist-deep in grime, hands blistered, shirt soaked through. Delbert’s wire brush has lost most of its bristles, and somehow the deck looks worse than when they started.
Brett DeMarco: (Clapping loudly) All right, ladies! Let’s pick it up! That rust isn’t going to hate itself off the boat!
Fitz: (Emerging from the cabin, still damp) And whoever kinked the hose earlier? If this thing floods wrong, that’s coming out of your end of the two grand.
Robbie and Delbert exchange a look. A long one. The kind that says we are absolutely done with this.
Delbert: You notice something, Robbie?
Robbie: Yeah. I notice I used to complain about minimum wage.
Delbert: Same. Turns out I was young and foolish.
They keep working for a beat. Scrub. Clank. Slosh.
Brett DeMarco: (Pointing) Hey! That spot’s still filthy!
Robbie: (Deadpan) Oh, that’s not dirt. That’s character.
Brett DeMarco: Don’t get cute with—
Robbie: (Quietly, to Delbert) You thinking what I’m thinking?
Delbert glances over the edge of the dock. Below them is thick, oily mud churned up from decades of industrial runoff. The kind of mud that smells like regret and never fully washes off.
Delbert: If you’re thinking “accidental environmental interaction,” then yeah. Same thought.
They wait. Brett and Fitz turn their backs, arguing loudly about polish versus paint.
Robbie scoops up a massive handful of mud.
Delbert: On three.
Robbie: One… two—
SPLOOCH. Mud sails through the air in slow, glorious arcs. SPLOOCH. Another impact.
Brett DeMarco: (Frozen) …why is my face warm?
Fitz: (Blinking) Why can’t I see out of my left eye?
Delbert and Robbie immediately straighten up.
Robbie: Whoa! What happened to you guys?
Delbert: Did… did the boat do that?
Brett DeMarco: (Wiping sludge from his cheeks) DON’T PLAY STUPID!
Fitz: You think this is funny?!
Robbie: Funny? No! Horrifying. Look at you. You look like swamp monsters with credit cards.
That’s it. Fitz lunges.
Fitz: GET BACK HERE!
Robbie and Delbert bolt across the deck, slipping, sliding, laughing harder than they have all day.
Brett DeMarco: (Chasing) I WILL END YOU BOTH!
They duck into the trawler’s interior—low ceilings, rusted beams, walls that groan when touched.
Delbert: (Panting) Bad news, Robbie. This boat is basically held together by hope.
Robbie: Good news, Delbert. Hope doesn’t have bolts.
Brett DeMarco and Fitz barrel in after them.
Fitz: Cornered! Nowhere to—
Robbie grabs a loose support beam and yanks.
SCREEEECH. Delbert kicks a corroded brace. CRACK. The ship groans like a dying animal.
Brett DeMarco: Uh… guys?
Robbie: (Grinning) Turns out refurbishing works both ways.
With one final shove, a massive section of rotten decking gives way. Rusted planks, beams, and ancient junk cascade down. CRASH. Mud, wood, and debris rain onto Fitz and Brett, pinning them beneath the wreckage, their yelling muffled and indignant.
Fitz: (From under the pile) THIS IS ILLEGAL!
Brett DeMarco: I’M SUING THE OCEAN!
Robbie and Delbert stand at the edge, breathing hard, victorious.
Delbert: I feel… lighter.
Robbie: Same. Like I just quit a job I didn’t know I had.
A slow clap echoes from behind them. They turn to see an older man in a shipyard jacket, arms crossed, smiling.
Shipyard Owner: I’ve been trying to get rid of those two for years. And that boat? Condemned since ’92.
Robbie: So… we’re fired?
Shipyard Owner: Nope. You’re heroes.
He hands them an envelope.
Shipyard Owner: Two thousand dollars. Cash. For services rendered—and for making my afternoon.
Robbie and Delbert both opens it. Stares.
Delbert: Robbie.
Robbie: Yeah?
Delbert: Looks like we'll be back to rewinding tapes!
Robbie: Now we can pay off that fumigation bill!
Behind them, Fitz and Brett continue to argue helplessly beneath the wreckage as the sun finally sets over the dry dock. Fade out on Robbie and Delbert walking away, muddy, exhausted, and absolutely victorious.
Scene 9:
Upon arriving at the Jakarta International Airport. Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, Gina, and Stanley who was holding Tricky Woo all got out of the airplane and called for a taxi cab. Randall was far behind still in hot prusuit. Once inside the Taxi Cab, Kevin gave him the address to the Youtube Channel Studio and were about to embark on their adventure.
Kevin: Wonder how Dad is doing back home! (laughs)
Bullet: Probably went back to Karen or his Mom if I had to take a guess.
Dusty: Can't believe Tricky Woo survived the flight!
Gina: If we ever find out what that Youtube channel did to Tricky Woo.....
Stanley: This calls for a song, "Just Around The Corner! There's A Rainbow in The Sky!"
Tricky Woo had taken a liking to Stanley's singing. Kevin was a little annoyed.
Kevin: Uhh, Stanley this really isn't the time for songs.
Dusty: What's your problem with Stanley's singing. Tricky Woo likes it!
Gina (revving up): If I ever find out that those twat waffles from that Youtube studio hurt Tricky Woo in any way.....
Kevin: You know something. If we never went to the Outdoor Festival and did my Causal Friday escapade, we never would've meet Tricky Woo.
Gina: You're right. Even though I'm a raving bitch, I have a soft spot for dogs.
Dusty: That's why you're a carbon copy of Mal from Farzar (laughs)
Cab Driver: Okay, we're here.
Kevin: Thank you!
Getting out of the cab, Kevin, Bullet, Gina, Dusty, and Stanley all look around their new surrounding in Indonesia. The economic status was actually quite surprising to them. Modern infastructure, mass transit, highways, and digital connectivity.
Bullet: Holy fuck! I wasn't expecting this!!!!
Dusty: I was predicting this place wll be like something out of National Geographic!
Gina: It's no lie when people say countries like this are doing better than the United States!
Kevin: Come on you guys! We haven't a moment to lose! We need to find out the connection Tricky Woo had to this Youtube Studio!
Cab Driver: HEY! YOU FORGOT TO PAY!
Kevin punches the cab driver in the mouth and he, Dusty, Stanley, Bullet, Gina, and Tricky Woo all run inside the Youtube Studio.
Bullet: Ha ha ha ha ha! Kevin punching out the cab driver! That is so Randall! Like Father like Son!
Soon Randall comes out of the trunk of the cab. Breathing really hard.
Randall: AAAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! I am NEVER doing this again!
Scene 10:
With Randall waiting for the right time to surprise them. He waits outside the Youtube Studio. Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, Stanley, Gina, and Tricky Woo were inside. Then they see the name of the Youtube Studio on a sign that reads Asie Nodni.
Dusty: Hey! This is my favorite Youtube channel! The one that does those gruesome ASMR videos!
Gina: Could THEY be the culprits behind this??
Kevin: It would be a eerie concidence I'd say!
Stanley (pointing to Tricky Woo): Hey look, the dog is getting brave!
Bullet: Show us the way Tricky Woo!
Tricky Woo sniffs down the hallways leading Kevin Dusty, Stanley, Gina, and Bullet to an unknown room that has people talking and laughing inside. Walking towards the room to where the laughter was getting louder. Kevin decides to break in.
Kevin: FREEZE!!!!!
The people in the room were four influencers. Dusty was excited to meet them.
Dusty (shaking their hands): Hey there Asie Nodni People. I'm your number one fan! I love your ASMR videos! Especially the honeycomb wounds and tick removal ones!
Influencer #1: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!!!
Gina: We want to ask you a few questions about this dog!
Influencer #2: Yeah, that dog disappeared from us for some reason!
Bullet: That's right. Somebody from the Turtle Club in the United States took him away from you people!
Stanley: What is your business with this dog?!?!?!
Influencer #3: Oh him. That's Dizzy Rae Rae....
Kevin: His name is not Dizzy Rae Rae it's Tricky Woo!
Influencer #4: We stand corrected then! Okay, we'll tell you. Our ASMR videos while we do have good intentions with them and try to relieve people of stress and trypophobia....are not real....
Dusty: WHAAAAA? But I believed your videos are reality!
Influencer #1: You see we use human corpses like this one right here (shows a human corpse) and super glue barnicles, ticks, parasites, and ticks to create the illusion that we're trying to cure a disease. Then we use this thing I'm sure you've heard of it called AI!
Kevin: That is insane! You could be scaring millions and millions of people with these videos.
Influencer #2: Anyway we've already done humans wanted to try it with a dog! Dizzy Rae Rae here.
Kevin: Tricky Woo!
Influencer #2: WHATEVER! See what we had planned with that dog was we were going to superglue a painted coral reef on it's head and then open the coral reef and have a bunch of parasites coming out of it!
Influencer #3: Exactly! Then once we got that video done, we were going to superglue a honeycomb on the dog then make it look like we're pulling black worms out of it! To get sympathy from people who love animals and who have empathy for ones with diseases.
Influencer #4: Yes we were going to make a jackpot doing it with animals next!
Bullet: You wouldn't dare!
Dusty: You motherfuckers! I hate you all now! Bet you'll be doing that with cats next!
Influencer #1: Good idea! (sees Bullet) there's another dog. We'll do him next!
Bullet: In your dreams, assholes!
Gina: Dusty! Don't encourage them. So you twat waffles wanted to rip people out of their money, hey?
Kevin: Yes and where is that money really going to go to.
Influencer #1: Not to disease research or animal welfare, that's for sure!
Influencer #2: Sex slavery! What else? We were going to use the money so we can be like P. Diddy! Our big hero! (laughs evilly) We were even going to have animal and male sex slaves as well!
Bullet (sarcastic): Ha! Big surprise!
Influencer #3: And since you all know too much. You're all going to have to die now!
Stanley: Good luck with that! I'm already dead and.....
Dusty: You sons of bitches! I used to think you guys were heroes and actually curing diseases! You gave me hope for anyone who would've had barnicles stuck to them and honeycomb wounds or whatever!
Kevin: We're cops from America. We found this dog running around in an Outdoor Festival. And we're here to bring you all down!
Gina: This is the part I love the best! Busting punks!
Bullet: Stanley take Tricky Woo!
The Influencers all get ready to take out their guns to shoot Kevin, Bullet, Dusty, Gina, and Stanley. Carrrying Tricky Woo with him, Stanley shirks in a corner.
Dusty: Before we kick your asses! We're all going to fight you playing my all time favorite song!
Turning on a radio and putting in a CD. Turning up the volume full blast, Stand By REM begins to play! Kevin, Bullet, Dusty, and Gina were ready to fight.
Kevin: Dusty! This is your favorite song?
Dusty: REM Rules! it was either this song or What's The Frequency Kenneth!
Kevin: At least it's not Pump Up The Jam!
Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, and Gina all banded together and beat up the Influencers. Bullet bit them and scratched them. Kevin punched and kicked them. Gina used her brute strength to finish them off. The Influencers sustained horrible injuries. All of them were bloodied with broken bones. Their autonomy was wiped out. Bullet then plants a explosive device on the floor.
Bullet: OKay everybody....RUN!!!
Stanley with Tricky Woo in tow, Kevin, Dusty, Gina, and Bullet all ran out of the Youtube Studio known as Asie Nodni.
Scene 11: Conclusion
A thunderous BOOOOOM rocks the Jakarta street as the Asie Nodni YouTube Studio erupts in flames behind them. Glass rains down. Smoke billows. Alarms scream.
Kevin, Gina, Bullet, Dusty, and Stanley come skidding to a halt a block away, panting.
Dusty: Woooo! Did you guys see that explosion?! That was like Michael Bay had a nervous breakdown!
Bullet: Heh… I set the timer a little shorter than usual. Keeps things spicy.
Stanley (hugging Tricky Woo): There there, little fella. Uncle Stanley saved you from the internet.
Randall: WELL WELL WELL! LOOK WHO DECIDED TO COMMIT INTERNATIONAL FELONIES WITHOUT ME!
Everyone jumps.
Kevin: Dad?!
Randall steps out of the smoke, uniform scorched, hair singed, furious… and weirdly proud.
Gina: Jesus, Chief! Where the hell did you come from?
Randall:Cargo hold. Mailbox. Taxi trunk. I’ve been tailing you idiots since Paradise.
I wanted to see exactly how fast you’d screw this up without your fearless leader.
Kevin: That’s not why I did this.
Randall pauses.
Kevin (firm): I wanted one mission where I didn’t have you yelling in my ear. No insults. No panic. No… Randall-ness. And honestly?It felt good.
Randall squints at the burning studio… the unconscious influencers being dragged out by local police… Tricky Woo wagging his tail.
Randall: You tracked a case. You protected a dog. You shut down a scam operation halfway across the planet… (smirks) And you didn’t even get arrested.
Dusty: We almost did.
Randall: Kevin… You did good. Annoyingly good.
Blinking out of bewilderment. Kevin could not believe what Randall said.
Kevin: …Really?
Randall: Don’t get used to it.
Bullet (wipes Ash off his face) So, uh… are we in trouble?
Randall: Nah. You earned a ride home.
A massive cruise ship cuts through the ocean. Paradise PD lounges on deck. Gina lifts weights using suitcases. Bullet gambles with confused retirees. Dusty eats shrimp by the pound. Stanley sings show tunes to Tricky Woo, who is now wearing a tiny captain’s hat.
Kevin leans on the railing beside Randall.
Kevin: So… no paperwork?
Randall: Oh, there’s paperwork. I’m just blaming Interpol.
Watching the ocean Kevin and Randall talk some more.
Kevin: Thanks… Dad.
Randall: Yeah yeah. Don’t make it weird.
The ship sails toward the horizon. Tricky Woo was returned to the Turtle Club and became the offical mascot. Dusty vowed to never look at ASMR videos again.
Closing Credits Scene:
At Paradise VHS. The fumigation tent is gone. The lights are back on. Rows of VHS tapes stand proudly. Robbie flips the sign to OPEN.
Robbie: Smell that, Delbert?
Delbert: Yeah. Victory… and expired popcorn butter.
The two redneck brothers grin. The bell rings.
Robbie: Welcome to Paradise VHS!
Silence filled the air, that was until Fitz and Brett DeMarco step out from behind a shelf, grinning, covered in faint dry-dock mud stains.
Fitz: Miss us, motherfuckers?
Brett DeMarco: We brought friends.
Behind them, dozens of greasy influencers, bootleg pirates, and sketchy promoters flood the store.
Robbie: …Delbert?
Delbert: Yeah?
Robbie: Lock the register.
Brett DeMarco: Too late.
Fitz: Let's get ready to RUMBLE!!!!!
Chaos erupts. Tapes fly. Shelves collapse. Someone uses Speed 2 as a weapon.
Robbie (screaming): THAT WAS THE LAST COPY OF ERIN BROCKOVICH!
THE END
Paradise PD
fanfic title:
Causal Fri-Stray
by: Trenton Sands
Scene 1:
Reporting for work at Paradise PD headquarters. It was a Friday morning. Chief Randall reports for duty. As he proudly marches into the building. Standing tall splashing some Old Spice on himself. In his neatly pressed uniform. Randall walks into the conference room with confidence.
Randall (thinking) Time to do my Robin Williams impression. (speaks): GOOOOD MMMOOORRRRNNNNIIINNNGGG PARADISE PD!
Much to Randall's chargin, nobody was in their uniforms. Kevin was wearing a black sleeved grey shirt with jeans and sneakers. Gina was wearing a white t shirt, light blue jeans, and brown boots. Dusty was in jeans plus wearing his I Love Virginia yellow t shirt. Stanley was wearing a pink t shirt and brown pants and black shoes.
Kevin: Look Dad! No uniforms!
Randall: What the fuck do you think this is? Clancey's Pool Room?
Stanley: What fun times I had there. I used my buttocks to clean the pool sticks! mmm mmm!
Gina: We decided to have causal Friday, Chief!
Dusty: If other work places can do Causal Friday! So can we cops, too! Right?
Randall: No! I will not allow this! It will not stand! We're supposed to be dignifed policemen!
Kevin: Well, Mom says it's okay!
Randall: Mom may by in charge of the city but not here! Get into your uniforms now and...
Bullet runs in through the enterance.
Randall: Oh great. Don't tell me you're getting in on this Causal Friday bullshit too, Bullet.
Bullet: Me? I'm naturally nude! Everyday is Causal Friday to me!
Randall: Maybe you can talk some sense into these fuckasses.....
Bullet: Hey guys! Good news! The Paradise Fairgrounds is having their annual Outdoor Festival today! Who wants in!
Kevin: I do!
Dusty: Now we can really have a fun Friday!
Gina: I'm in too!
Stanley: Bet it'll be like a Norman Rockwell painting!
Bullet: As the infomercials say, but wait there's more.....
Dusty: Let me guess, a huge buffet?
Bullet: there's a stray dog running around the festival and everyone is playing with it!
Randall: Oh no you don't! We have important police business to attend to and.....
Kevin, Dusty, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley all run out of the Paradise PD headquarters and tramble over Randall. Now laying on the ground, Randall grumbles to himself.
Randall: Since when did I ever become in charge of a bunch of loser cops who are like a mix between Police Academy and Lethal Weapon.
Scene 2:
In a Paradise PD police car, Bullet was driving Kevin, Stanley, Gina, and Dusty to the Paradise Fairgrounds. The car made a stop. The Outdoor fetival had games like dunk into a pool, sack racing, red rover, ring toss, balloon darts, tug of war and cornhole.
Bullet: Well, here we are! Paradise Fairgrounds.
Stanley: Better be careful. That dog might be rabid like Old Yeller.
Kevin (breaths fresh air): Smell that air everyone! That's the smell of Friday!
Bullet (taking a joint): Speaking of Friday! Let's make it be like the movie with Ice Cube! (breathes in the joint) YYYEEEAAAAHHH!!!
Dusty (sees the stray dog): Hey look, fellas! There is the dog right now!
Gina: Come to mama, puppy!
Everyone who was anyone in Paradise was at the Outdoor Festival. Robbie, Delbert, Camaro Bob, Karen, Anton, Hobo Cop, Preacher Paul and his husband, Unregistered Earl, Dr. Functlicher, Patty Mae, and Mrs Geraldine. Some were in tents organizing the games. However, since the stray dog came onto the fairgrounds. Everyone was chasing the dog.
Hobo Cop: Hey! Doesn't anyone here want to dunk Hobo Cop?
Kevin, Bullet, Dusty, Gina, and Stanley soon joined in on chasing the dog.
Karen: Kevin? Aren't you supposed to be at work?
Anton: Playing hooky are we? You're no Ferris Bueller that's for sure.
Kevin: Bullet invited us here!
Bullet: Guilty as charged Karen. Once I heard about the stray dog I just had to invite them all here.
Karen: All right. You and your idiot cops just stay out of trouble.
The stray dog stopped for a while, Dusty came to pet it.
Dusty: Hmmm, maybe I can handle this dog. I bet it's just like a cat.
Robbie: Hey, Dusty! Why don't you let the dog into the Pentacoastal Church across the street?
Delbert: Yeah, you'll be granted a hero if you do!
Gina (comes between Robbie and Delbert): Don't listen to these twat waffles! They're trying to get you in trouble.
Dusty: Right.
Bullet: Hmm let's see what else we can have fun with this dog! Dusty? Don't you always carry with you a raw steak?
Dusty went into his pants pocket and threw a raw steak into the air and the stray dog chased after it.
Kevin: Guys, the dog went this way! Let's get it.
Leading the way, Bullet, Kevin, Gina, Dusty, and Stanley. Along with anyone else who was there were running after the stray dog. A Paradise PD cop car parked by and out came Randall. Who was suspicious as hell why Kevin, Dusty, Gina, Stanley, and Bullet wanted to come to an Outdoor Festival just to chase around the dog. Stanley was struggling to keep up the pace of everyone else who was chasing the dog.
Randall: So, that motherfucker Kevin and all the other motherfuckers went to this outdoor fest without me hey? Well, let's just see how they're going to fuck up.
Stanley: Hey, fellas! Wait for me! Wait for me!!!!!
Scene 3:
Kevin, Bullet, Dusty, and Gina were all having a great time at the Outdoor Festival running after the stray dog. That was until the stray dog went into hiding under a wooden stairway on account it was tired. Stanley finally caught up with everyone.
Stanley (out of breath): Hey! What took you guys so long?!?!? Didn't you know you left me behind? Sumbitches!
Karen: Oh no! The dog went missing.
Anton: Someone should find him.
Robbie (pointing): It's under that wooden bleachers.
Delbert: Someone should go and lure it out.
Camaro Bob: Leave that to me, baby.
Kevin: Try to get it out.
Bullet: So we can chase it around some more!
Crowd: YEAH!
Walking over to the wooden bleachers, Camaro Bob uses a dog whistle. The dog still did not get out of the wooden bleachers.
Kevin: You know, could it be that poor dog is running away from danger?
Camaro Bob: The dog didn't answer to my whistle (walks up to Kevin): you guys are the police! This shouldnt be my job, it should be yours.
Kevin: You're right, Camaro Bob. We're still cops even though it's causal Friday we're still on duty. Hey Bullet, how come you didn't hear that dog whistle?
Bullet: Lost a lot of my hearing due to all the cocaine I've done over the years.
Gina: Okay. It was fun while it lasted.
Dusty: Lets get us a dog!
Bullet: Go about your day everyone. We'll handle this
Robbie: Come on, Delbert. I think it's time for us to go to work at Paradise VHS.
Delbert: This got old in a hurry.
As Robbie and Delbert departed to go to work. The whole crowd at the Outdoor Festival gathered around to watch Kevin, Stanley, Dusty, Bullet, and Gina try to lure the dog out of the bleachers. Stanley gets out a rubber dildo that was in the shape of a dog bone.
Stanley: Rubber dildo! Works every time!
Using the rubber dildo Stanley was able to get the stray dog to trust him. In a matter of seconds, the stray dog got out from under the bleachers and the crowd clapped and cheered.
Kevin: Wow, Stanley! You totally saved the day here!
Stanley: My many flings with Francis Butler have really paid off!
Bullet begins to sniff the stray dog.
Dusty: Bullet, I think that's a boy dog.
Bullet: No that's not why I'm sniffing him.
The stray dog shook itself and out came a piece of paper that was attached to it's collar.
Dusty: Cheese and taters! A clue!
Kevin (opens the paper): It appears to be a address.
Gina (looks at the paper): You're right. I know where that is. I've passed by there many times.
Bullet: Yes, it used to be a 4H Club now it's a ritzy private club.
Stanley (looks at the paper): Yes, it's a turtle club no less.
Dusty: OKay, we'll take the dog with us to this turtle club and see if anyone knows about him or her.
Kevin: I think we got a case here. For once we're doing it without my Dad breathing down our necks.
Gina: Is that why you talked us into the whole 'Causal Friday' thing.
Kevin: You could say that. Yes, you're right. I admit it.
Gina leads the way as Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, Stanley, and the stray dog go back into the Turtle Club. Randall jumps out from the bushes.
Randall: So that was their plan all along? They think they can crack a case without me, hey? I'll show 'em!
Running into his police car, Randall secretly follows Kevin to the Turtle Club.
Scene 4:
Walking away from the Outdoor Festival. Robbie and Delbert were on their way to work at Paradise VHS.
Robbie: You know, Delbert. Those movies aren't going to rent themselves.
Delbert: We're the only town in America that even uses VHS and cassettes.
As Robbie and Delbert arrived at Paradise VHS, they both see a fumigation tent over it. Much to their shock.
Delbert: Hey, Robbie. Nobody told us the circus was in town!
A bunch of men in hazmat suits walk up to Robbie and Delbert.
Robbie: Let's ask these Breaking Bad cosplayers! Excuse me, Breaking Bad cosplayers?
Hazmat Man: You fucking dumbass! This isn't a circus and we're not fucking cosplayers!
Delbert: What the fuck did you do to our workplace, assholes?
Hazmat Man: It's being fumigated! Are you both aware that there was a cockroach problem?
Robbie: But those cockroaches were.......
Hazmat Man: Shut up! Not another word! Come back in 3 weeks. Until then. (gets a pen and paper) Here's your bill! Have a shitty day! (hands Robbie the paper)
Robbie: Sumbitch! $2000! We don't fucking have $2000!
Delbert: Where are we going to come up with that type of money?
A limo pulls up in front of Robbie and Delbert. A window goes down and out comes a hand.
Robbie: Is this a Grey Poupon commercial?
Delbert: I think we should go inside, Robbie.
Going inside the limo. Robbie and Delbert find themselves in the back seat. Fitz and Brett DeMarco reveal themselves to them.
Fitz: We hear you can use some money.
Robbie: How did you know?
Brett DeMarco: It doesn't matter! Do you want to earn some money or not?!?!
Delbert: Anything to pay this fumigation bill.
Fitz (looks at the bill) $2000 right?
Robbie and Delbert: Correct.
Brett DeMarco: Well come on with us. We have a HUGE opportunity for you.
Fitz: You want a job, we're the ones to count on for now.
Robbie and Delbert agree to do whatever it takes to pay the fumigation bill. Brett DeMarco orders the unknown limo driver to take them to their destination.
Fitz (to Brett): Where's Zeta?
Brett DeMarco: She and her friends are on a trip to Univeral Studios.
Fitz: Good, we want her nowhere near these lowlife Hicks!
Robbie and Delbert (together): What did you call us?!?!
Brett DeMarco: We said we're going to get some women to pull some tricks!
Scene 5:
Kevin arrived at the Turtle Club. Getting out of the police car. Before they enter, Gina notices Dusty was missing.
Gina: Hey, Dusty wandered off.
Bullet: Knowing him he's probably releasing his Chef Boyardee farts.
Stanley had the stray dog in his hands. The stray dog starts barking at a mysterious figure that resembles a turtle. The turtle figure was walking towards Kevin, Gina, Bullet, and Stanley. Sure enough. The turtle figure was Dusty in a turtle suit.
Kevin: DUSTY! What do you think this is? A Ninja Turtles Convention?
Dusty: What's wrong with my turtle suit? Aren't I turtley enough for the Turtle Club! Turtle turtle!
Bullet (laughs): I see what you did there, Dusty!
Gina (laughs): Of course! That's from Master of Disguise! Worst Dana Carvey movie ever!
From far away, Randall hid inside a mailbox and used a telescope.
Randall: Typical fatass Dusty! When they screw up. They'll realize they're worthless without me! Then that's when I step in! ha ha ha ha!
Stanley (opens the door): After you.....
Kevin, Gina, Dusty, Bullet, Stanley who's still carrying the stray dog enter the exclusive Turtle Club. Looking around. It was a highbrow uppercrust setting. As they walked around they hear people talk about wildlife and nature. It was a nature and wildlife club. Every now and then Dusty uttered, "Turtle Turtle". One of the members comes up to them.
Member: Excuse me. You need formal attire and an exclusive membership. (looks at Dusty): What's the hell is the matter with him?!?
Dusty: Turtle Turtle!
Bullet: You see we're here on police business.
Member: If you guys are cops why aren't you in uniforms?
Gina, Kevin, Bullet, Stanley, and even Dusty despite acting silly in his turtle suit, show them their badges.
Member: Okay your story checks out.
Stanley: Know anything about Lassie here! (shows the member the stray dog)
Member: Oh my gosh! I do know that dog! That's Tricky Woo! We all named him here in The Turtle Club.
Kevin: You mean like in that Masterpiece Theater show my mom watches All Creatures Great and Small?
Member: Yes we're big fans of that show here in the Turtle Club. Come with me!
The member leads Stanley, Gina, Dusty, Bullet, and Kevin into a basement. The member hands them a suitcase full of money.
Bullet: Wow! look at all that dough! Imagine what how much heroin you can buy with that.
Member: Use this money to go on a plane to Indonesia.
Gina: What can we possibly find there?
Member: I went on a nature walk there. We all go on nature walks to study animals all over the world. Even in third world countries. Then I found this dog running away from what looked like a studio for a Youtube channel. You go there, find out why the dog ran away from the studio.
Dusty: Turtle Turtle!
Kevin: You know, we found Tricky Woo here running around in an Outdoor Festival. Everyone there chased after it.
Member: Yes indeed. Poor Tricky Woo has trust issues. I even introduced him to everyone here in the Turtle Club. Poor fella thought we wanted to hurt him so he ran away from us too. Even though we showed him love.
Stanley: What time does the flight leave?
Member: In an hour or so. (hands Kevin a map and a paper with an address on it.) This is where I saw that Youtube studio.
Kevin: Okay guys! We have this case all to ourselves! My dad is nowhere to be seen! Indonesia here we come!
Gina: Can we take the dog with us?
Member: Yes you can. You'll need him.
Bullet: Wow Indonesia! Hope there's a party filled nightlife there!
Dusty: Turtle Turtle!
Bullet: You can stop that now, Dusty!
Dusty (taking off his turtle costume) Awwwwww.....
Gina, Stanley, Dusty, Kevin, and Bullet and Tricky Woo in tow all leave the Turtle Club to go the Paradise Internation Airport.
Scene 6:
The limo pulls up to a rusted, massive industrial dry dock. A gargantuan, weathered fishing trawler named "The Salty Mistress" looms over them. It looks like it hasn’t seen the ocean since the 80s Fitz and Brett exit the limo, followed by a hesitant Robbie and Delbert.
Fitz: (Gesturing to the boat) There she is. Your golden ticket to two thousand large.
Delbert: (Squinting) That’s not a boat, Fitz. That’s a spirit cooking waiting to happen.
Brett DeMarco: It’s a classic! And it needs to be refurbished by tomorrow.
Robbie: We’re VHS clerks, Brett! I can rewind a tape with a pencil, but I don’t know the first thing about nautical engineering.
Fitz: It’s simple math, Robbie. Step one: Find the leaks. We can't have this tub sinking the moment it hits the Atlantic.
Delbert: Okay, how do we do that? You got some high-tech sonar or something?
Brett DeMarco: (Laughs) High-tech? Just use your head! To find out where the water gets in, you gotta fill the boat with water and see where it leaks out.
Robbie: (Pauses) That actually sounds... oddly logical? In a Star Trek sense.
Fitz: (Pointing) Robbie! Stop overthinking and get the industrial hose from the pump station. Brett, show Delbert where the brushes are.
Brett DeMarco: (Pushes a heavy bucket and a rusted wire brush into Delbert’s chest) You. Scrub the floors. Every inch. I want to see my reflection in the grime!
Delbert: (Groaning) This is going to take way more than three weeks
On his hands and knees, Delbert finds himself scrubbing a patch of deck that just seems to get darker the more he rubs. Robbie is struggling with a heavy, pulsating rubber hose near a small porthole on the side of the hull.
Fitz: (Muffled, from inside the cabin) Robbie! Are you ready with that hose?
Robbie: I’m trying! This thing has a mind of its own!
Fitz: (Sticking his head out a nearby porthole) Don’t just stand there! Hand me the nozzle through the porthole. I’ll guide it into the bilge.
Robbie: Right! Porthole. Incoming!
Robbie lifts the nozzle. He tries to adjust the pressure valve, but his hands are slippery. SQUIRT. A jet of water hits the side of the boat. SQUIRT. Another jet hits a nearby seagull.
Fitz: (Yelling) What are you doing out there? Give me the hose!
Robbie: I’m just doing a few practice squirts! I gotta get the aim right!
Robbie pivots and aims for the porthole. He overcompensates. A high-pressure blast of cold harbor water hits Fitz squarely in the face, pinning his head back against the cabin wall.
Fitz: (Sputtering and coughing) GAAAH! STOP! STOP IT!
Robbie: (Panicked) Oh man! Sorry! I was just...
Fitz: (Wiping water from his eyes, livid) What the hell are you trying to do, drown me?!
Robbie: I was putting the hose through the hole! Like you said! It’s a narrow target, Fitz!
Fitz: (Growling) Give me that!
Fitz reaches out, snatches the hose away from Robbie with a violent jerk, and pulls it inside. Robbie stumbles forward, nearly hitting the hull.
Brett DeMarco: (From the upper deck) LESS SHOWERING, MORE SCRUBBING! THAT BILL ISN'T GETTING ANY SMALLER!
Delbert: (To himself) I miss the cockroaches. At least they didn't have a limo.
Scene 7:
Now on their way to Indonesia on the airplane 30,000 feet up in the air. Randall was in the cargo hold. Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, Stanley, and Gina were on their way to find out the connection Tricky Woo has with an Indonesian Youtube Channel.
Kevin: Wow! Isn't this awesome! Not only are we solving this case without my Dad, we're on a trip around the world!
Bullet: I'm excited for this myself. Funny thing is, that pilot never said how long it takes to get from Paradise to Indonesia.
Stanley: Last time I was there I was a bit player in the film Asmara Moerni.
Dusty: Hey, Tricky Woo, how are you holding up there, fella?
Gina: I've busted punks in Africa, now I'm going to kick ass in Indonesia too!
The airplane does a signal high low chime and the pilot speaks out.
Pilot: Ladies and gentlemen! This is your captain speaking! We're flying over the Indian ocean. Forgot to mention that we'll be in Indonesia in 15 hours.
Bullet: 15 hours! What the fuck! What are we going to do for 15 hours! This is like the end of the first Rush Hour movie.
Kevin: No shit! How is Tricky Woo supposed to go to the bathroom!
Gina: We can play APP games. Or listen to a true crime podcast. That how I passed the time when I went to Africa.
Dusty: Or even better. How about we watch ASMR videos!
Stanley: Is that some kind of saadio masochism?
Dusty: No, there these really cool gory videos about people getting ticks and worms removed and getting holes fulled up.
Kevin: Uhhh, if you say so, Dusty. I would've prefered to watch K Pop Demon Hunters.
Gina: Let's watch what Dusty wants! I'm in the mood for some gore!
Bullet: If this is what it takes to pass the time. (getting a crack pipe and smokes some dope) Stupid custom agents don't suspect a thing when it comes to dogs!
Dusty: All right! We'll go to my all time favorite Youtube Channel Asie Nodni.
Once Tricky Woo heard the words of Dusty's favorite Youtube channel, he whimpered and hid himself in an overhead compartment.
Bullet: Hmmm, what's with him?
Stanley, Gina, Dusty, and Bullet (who was high from the crack he snuck aboard) all gathered around to watch AMSR videos with Dusty. Which shows people who have honeycomb wounds shaped like perfect holes on their scalps getting black worms removed. Ticks all lined all up in perfect rows getting clipped away. And videos that included removal of ticks and maggots from hands, ears, and feet as well. Even full bodies filled with parasites getting brushed away and supposed 'scalps' that were shaped like underwater sponges with bugs crawling around the crevices. Everyone was amused except Kevin.
Kevin: You guys go ahead without me! Fuck this! I'm watching K Pop Demon Hunters (vomits in a bag)
Dusty: Relaxing isn't it! It's all so real!
Back in the cargo hold, Randall was determined as ever to follow his crew.
Randall: Hmmm, I actually like the cargo hold! It's the best way to travel!
Scene 8:
Hours crawl by. The sun dips, the air gets colder, and the dry dock smells even more aggressively like old fish and bad decisions Robbie is waist-deep in grime, hands blistered, shirt soaked through. Delbert’s wire brush has lost most of its bristles, and somehow the deck looks worse than when they started.
Brett DeMarco: (Clapping loudly) All right, ladies! Let’s pick it up! That rust isn’t going to hate itself off the boat!
Fitz: (Emerging from the cabin, still damp) And whoever kinked the hose earlier? If this thing floods wrong, that’s coming out of your end of the two grand.
Robbie and Delbert exchange a look. A long one. The kind that says we are absolutely done with this.
Delbert: You notice something, Robbie?
Robbie: Yeah. I notice I used to complain about minimum wage.
Delbert: Same. Turns out I was young and foolish.
They keep working for a beat. Scrub. Clank. Slosh.
Brett DeMarco: (Pointing) Hey! That spot’s still filthy!
Robbie: (Deadpan) Oh, that’s not dirt. That’s character.
Brett DeMarco: Don’t get cute with—
Robbie: (Quietly, to Delbert) You thinking what I’m thinking?
Delbert glances over the edge of the dock. Below them is thick, oily mud churned up from decades of industrial runoff. The kind of mud that smells like regret and never fully washes off.
Delbert: If you’re thinking “accidental environmental interaction,” then yeah. Same thought.
They wait. Brett and Fitz turn their backs, arguing loudly about polish versus paint.
Robbie scoops up a massive handful of mud.
Delbert: On three.
Robbie: One… two—
SPLOOCH. Mud sails through the air in slow, glorious arcs. SPLOOCH. Another impact.
Brett DeMarco: (Frozen) …why is my face warm?
Fitz: (Blinking) Why can’t I see out of my left eye?
Delbert and Robbie immediately straighten up.
Robbie: Whoa! What happened to you guys?
Delbert: Did… did the boat do that?
Brett DeMarco: (Wiping sludge from his cheeks) DON’T PLAY STUPID!
Fitz: You think this is funny?!
Robbie: Funny? No! Horrifying. Look at you. You look like swamp monsters with credit cards.
That’s it. Fitz lunges.
Fitz: GET BACK HERE!
Robbie and Delbert bolt across the deck, slipping, sliding, laughing harder than they have all day.
Brett DeMarco: (Chasing) I WILL END YOU BOTH!
They duck into the trawler’s interior—low ceilings, rusted beams, walls that groan when touched.
Delbert: (Panting) Bad news, Robbie. This boat is basically held together by hope.
Robbie: Good news, Delbert. Hope doesn’t have bolts.
Brett DeMarco and Fitz barrel in after them.
Fitz: Cornered! Nowhere to—
Robbie grabs a loose support beam and yanks.
SCREEEECH. Delbert kicks a corroded brace. CRACK. The ship groans like a dying animal.
Brett DeMarco: Uh… guys?
Robbie: (Grinning) Turns out refurbishing works both ways.
With one final shove, a massive section of rotten decking gives way. Rusted planks, beams, and ancient junk cascade down. CRASH. Mud, wood, and debris rain onto Fitz and Brett, pinning them beneath the wreckage, their yelling muffled and indignant.
Fitz: (From under the pile) THIS IS ILLEGAL!
Brett DeMarco: I’M SUING THE OCEAN!
Robbie and Delbert stand at the edge, breathing hard, victorious.
Delbert: I feel… lighter.
Robbie: Same. Like I just quit a job I didn’t know I had.
A slow clap echoes from behind them. They turn to see an older man in a shipyard jacket, arms crossed, smiling.
Shipyard Owner: I’ve been trying to get rid of those two for years. And that boat? Condemned since ’92.
Robbie: So… we’re fired?
Shipyard Owner: Nope. You’re heroes.
He hands them an envelope.
Shipyard Owner: Two thousand dollars. Cash. For services rendered—and for making my afternoon.
Robbie and Delbert both opens it. Stares.
Delbert: Robbie.
Robbie: Yeah?
Delbert: Looks like we'll be back to rewinding tapes!
Robbie: Now we can pay off that fumigation bill!
Behind them, Fitz and Brett continue to argue helplessly beneath the wreckage as the sun finally sets over the dry dock. Fade out on Robbie and Delbert walking away, muddy, exhausted, and absolutely victorious.
Scene 9:
Upon arriving at the Jakarta International Airport. Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, Gina, and Stanley who was holding Tricky Woo all got out of the airplane and called for a taxi cab. Randall was far behind still in hot prusuit. Once inside the Taxi Cab, Kevin gave him the address to the Youtube Channel Studio and were about to embark on their adventure.
Kevin: Wonder how Dad is doing back home! (laughs)
Bullet: Probably went back to Karen or his Mom if I had to take a guess.
Dusty: Can't believe Tricky Woo survived the flight!
Gina: If we ever find out what that Youtube channel did to Tricky Woo.....
Stanley: This calls for a song, "Just Around The Corner! There's A Rainbow in The Sky!"
Tricky Woo had taken a liking to Stanley's singing. Kevin was a little annoyed.
Kevin: Uhh, Stanley this really isn't the time for songs.
Dusty: What's your problem with Stanley's singing. Tricky Woo likes it!
Gina (revving up): If I ever find out that those twat waffles from that Youtube studio hurt Tricky Woo in any way.....
Kevin: You know something. If we never went to the Outdoor Festival and did my Causal Friday escapade, we never would've meet Tricky Woo.
Gina: You're right. Even though I'm a raving bitch, I have a soft spot for dogs.
Dusty: That's why you're a carbon copy of Mal from Farzar (laughs)
Cab Driver: Okay, we're here.
Kevin: Thank you!
Getting out of the cab, Kevin, Bullet, Gina, Dusty, and Stanley all look around their new surrounding in Indonesia. The economic status was actually quite surprising to them. Modern infastructure, mass transit, highways, and digital connectivity.
Bullet: Holy fuck! I wasn't expecting this!!!!
Dusty: I was predicting this place wll be like something out of National Geographic!
Gina: It's no lie when people say countries like this are doing better than the United States!
Kevin: Come on you guys! We haven't a moment to lose! We need to find out the connection Tricky Woo had to this Youtube Studio!
Cab Driver: HEY! YOU FORGOT TO PAY!
Kevin punches the cab driver in the mouth and he, Dusty, Stanley, Bullet, Gina, and Tricky Woo all run inside the Youtube Studio.
Bullet: Ha ha ha ha ha! Kevin punching out the cab driver! That is so Randall! Like Father like Son!
Soon Randall comes out of the trunk of the cab. Breathing really hard.
Randall: AAAAAAAIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRR!!!!!! I am NEVER doing this again!
Scene 10:
With Randall waiting for the right time to surprise them. He waits outside the Youtube Studio. Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, Stanley, Gina, and Tricky Woo were inside. Then they see the name of the Youtube Studio on a sign that reads Asie Nodni.
Dusty: Hey! This is my favorite Youtube channel! The one that does those gruesome ASMR videos!
Gina: Could THEY be the culprits behind this??
Kevin: It would be a eerie concidence I'd say!
Stanley (pointing to Tricky Woo): Hey look, the dog is getting brave!
Bullet: Show us the way Tricky Woo!
Tricky Woo sniffs down the hallways leading Kevin Dusty, Stanley, Gina, and Bullet to an unknown room that has people talking and laughing inside. Walking towards the room to where the laughter was getting louder. Kevin decides to break in.
Kevin: FREEZE!!!!!
The people in the room were four influencers. Dusty was excited to meet them.
Dusty (shaking their hands): Hey there Asie Nodni People. I'm your number one fan! I love your ASMR videos! Especially the honeycomb wounds and tick removal ones!
Influencer #1: WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!!!
Gina: We want to ask you a few questions about this dog!
Influencer #2: Yeah, that dog disappeared from us for some reason!
Bullet: That's right. Somebody from the Turtle Club in the United States took him away from you people!
Stanley: What is your business with this dog?!?!?!
Influencer #3: Oh him. That's Dizzy Rae Rae....
Kevin: His name is not Dizzy Rae Rae it's Tricky Woo!
Influencer #4: We stand corrected then! Okay, we'll tell you. Our ASMR videos while we do have good intentions with them and try to relieve people of stress and trypophobia....are not real....
Dusty: WHAAAAA? But I believed your videos are reality!
Influencer #1: You see we use human corpses like this one right here (shows a human corpse) and super glue barnicles, ticks, parasites, and ticks to create the illusion that we're trying to cure a disease. Then we use this thing I'm sure you've heard of it called AI!
Kevin: That is insane! You could be scaring millions and millions of people with these videos.
Influencer #2: Anyway we've already done humans wanted to try it with a dog! Dizzy Rae Rae here.
Kevin: Tricky Woo!
Influencer #2: WHATEVER! See what we had planned with that dog was we were going to superglue a painted coral reef on it's head and then open the coral reef and have a bunch of parasites coming out of it!
Influencer #3: Exactly! Then once we got that video done, we were going to superglue a honeycomb on the dog then make it look like we're pulling black worms out of it! To get sympathy from people who love animals and who have empathy for ones with diseases.
Influencer #4: Yes we were going to make a jackpot doing it with animals next!
Bullet: You wouldn't dare!
Dusty: You motherfuckers! I hate you all now! Bet you'll be doing that with cats next!
Influencer #1: Good idea! (sees Bullet) there's another dog. We'll do him next!
Bullet: In your dreams, assholes!
Gina: Dusty! Don't encourage them. So you twat waffles wanted to rip people out of their money, hey?
Kevin: Yes and where is that money really going to go to.
Influencer #1: Not to disease research or animal welfare, that's for sure!
Influencer #2: Sex slavery! What else? We were going to use the money so we can be like P. Diddy! Our big hero! (laughs evilly) We were even going to have animal and male sex slaves as well!
Bullet (sarcastic): Ha! Big surprise!
Influencer #3: And since you all know too much. You're all going to have to die now!
Stanley: Good luck with that! I'm already dead and.....
Dusty: You sons of bitches! I used to think you guys were heroes and actually curing diseases! You gave me hope for anyone who would've had barnicles stuck to them and honeycomb wounds or whatever!
Kevin: We're cops from America. We found this dog running around in an Outdoor Festival. And we're here to bring you all down!
Gina: This is the part I love the best! Busting punks!
Bullet: Stanley take Tricky Woo!
The Influencers all get ready to take out their guns to shoot Kevin, Bullet, Dusty, Gina, and Stanley. Carrrying Tricky Woo with him, Stanley shirks in a corner.
Dusty: Before we kick your asses! We're all going to fight you playing my all time favorite song!
Turning on a radio and putting in a CD. Turning up the volume full blast, Stand By REM begins to play! Kevin, Bullet, Dusty, and Gina were ready to fight.
Kevin: Dusty! This is your favorite song?
Dusty: REM Rules! it was either this song or What's The Frequency Kenneth!
Kevin: At least it's not Pump Up The Jam!
Kevin, Dusty, Bullet, and Gina all banded together and beat up the Influencers. Bullet bit them and scratched them. Kevin punched and kicked them. Gina used her brute strength to finish them off. The Influencers sustained horrible injuries. All of them were bloodied with broken bones. Their autonomy was wiped out. Bullet then plants a explosive device on the floor.
Bullet: OKay everybody....RUN!!!
Stanley with Tricky Woo in tow, Kevin, Dusty, Gina, and Bullet all ran out of the Youtube Studio known as Asie Nodni.
Scene 11: Conclusion
A thunderous BOOOOOM rocks the Jakarta street as the Asie Nodni YouTube Studio erupts in flames behind them. Glass rains down. Smoke billows. Alarms scream.
Kevin, Gina, Bullet, Dusty, and Stanley come skidding to a halt a block away, panting.
Dusty: Woooo! Did you guys see that explosion?! That was like Michael Bay had a nervous breakdown!
Bullet: Heh… I set the timer a little shorter than usual. Keeps things spicy.
Stanley (hugging Tricky Woo): There there, little fella. Uncle Stanley saved you from the internet.
Randall: WELL WELL WELL! LOOK WHO DECIDED TO COMMIT INTERNATIONAL FELONIES WITHOUT ME!
Everyone jumps.
Kevin: Dad?!
Randall steps out of the smoke, uniform scorched, hair singed, furious… and weirdly proud.
Gina: Jesus, Chief! Where the hell did you come from?
Randall:Cargo hold. Mailbox. Taxi trunk. I’ve been tailing you idiots since Paradise.
I wanted to see exactly how fast you’d screw this up without your fearless leader.
Kevin: That’s not why I did this.
Randall pauses.
Kevin (firm): I wanted one mission where I didn’t have you yelling in my ear. No insults. No panic. No… Randall-ness. And honestly?It felt good.
Randall squints at the burning studio… the unconscious influencers being dragged out by local police… Tricky Woo wagging his tail.
Randall: You tracked a case. You protected a dog. You shut down a scam operation halfway across the planet… (smirks) And you didn’t even get arrested.
Dusty: We almost did.
Randall: Kevin… You did good. Annoyingly good.
Blinking out of bewilderment. Kevin could not believe what Randall said.
Kevin: …Really?
Randall: Don’t get used to it.
Bullet (wipes Ash off his face) So, uh… are we in trouble?
Randall: Nah. You earned a ride home.
A massive cruise ship cuts through the ocean. Paradise PD lounges on deck. Gina lifts weights using suitcases. Bullet gambles with confused retirees. Dusty eats shrimp by the pound. Stanley sings show tunes to Tricky Woo, who is now wearing a tiny captain’s hat.
Kevin leans on the railing beside Randall.
Kevin: So… no paperwork?
Randall: Oh, there’s paperwork. I’m just blaming Interpol.
Watching the ocean Kevin and Randall talk some more.
Kevin: Thanks… Dad.
Randall: Yeah yeah. Don’t make it weird.
The ship sails toward the horizon. Tricky Woo was returned to the Turtle Club and became the offical mascot. Dusty vowed to never look at ASMR videos again.
Closing Credits Scene:
At Paradise VHS. The fumigation tent is gone. The lights are back on. Rows of VHS tapes stand proudly. Robbie flips the sign to OPEN.
Robbie: Smell that, Delbert?
Delbert: Yeah. Victory… and expired popcorn butter.
The two redneck brothers grin. The bell rings.
Robbie: Welcome to Paradise VHS!
Silence filled the air, that was until Fitz and Brett DeMarco step out from behind a shelf, grinning, covered in faint dry-dock mud stains.
Fitz: Miss us, motherfuckers?
Brett DeMarco: We brought friends.
Behind them, dozens of greasy influencers, bootleg pirates, and sketchy promoters flood the store.
Robbie: …Delbert?
Delbert: Yeah?
Robbie: Lock the register.
Brett DeMarco: Too late.
Fitz: Let's get ready to RUMBLE!!!!!
Chaos erupts. Tapes fly. Shelves collapse. Someone uses Speed 2 as a weapon.
Robbie (screaming): THAT WAS THE LAST COPY OF ERIN BROCKOVICH!
THE END
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