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N/A: If Family Guy did trilogy episodes. Why didn't Paradise PD do the same?Seems like I've done a lot of concepts. Wanted to try something I have never done before.



Paradise PD


fanfic title:


WB Cartoon Trilogy


by: Trenton Sands



Scene 1:


A stage curtain rises. On stage Randall and Bullet are shown. Saying hello to the audience.


Bullet: Greetings! Ladies and Germs!


Randall: Hey! I'm introducing this!


Bullet (sighs): Take it away, Randall.


Randall: Good evening! Tonight on Paradise PD.


A bicycle horn is heard and Dusty rides by on a unicycle.


Dusty: We examine the phenomenon on Deja Vu!


Robbie and Delbert were in the audience laughing. Everyone else in Paradise was in the audience too clapping, laughing, and showing respect.


Randall: SSTTTOOOPPP! Thank you. Tonight on Paradise PD we are going to do a trilogy episode! That's right! Trilogy!


Robbie: Get to the point!


Delbert: We want to see the show already!


Coming up from behind Robbie and Delbert. Gina comes behind them.


Gina: Hey! Some people here paid to watch the movie, not listen to you two twat waffles!


Robbie and Delbert (fearfully): Okay!


Randall: Finally! Anyway I'm sure you're all familiar with those FOX kids and Kids WB cartoons from the 1990s right?


Bullet: Well guess what? We Paradise PD characters picked three sketches from Tiny Toons Adventures, Animaniacs, and Freakazoid!


Randall: Correct Bullet! Of course we'll put in our violent edgy humor that we are very much famous for. Coming up first, Kevin, Dusty,..


Bullet: And me!


Randall (screams): Will you let me talk! I'm hosting this shit show! Not you!


Bullet (standing back): OKay! Please do go on!


Randall: Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet are going to reenact the famous Tiny Toons drunk driving segment that was banned. It was called One Beer. Not to be confused with the George Thorogood song. Here it is.


Bullet: Roll the tape, Stanley.


Up in the projection room, Stanley turns on the projector to show the sketch.



Scene 2:


A caption reads One Beer and a title screen shows a beer bottle. Some words say, starring Kevin Crawford as Buster Bunny. Bullet as Plucky Duck. Dusty Marlow as Hamton Pig. The sketch begins as Kevin (wearing a Buster Bunny shirt) opens a fridge.


Kevin: What'll it be guys! Juice, Milk, Soda, OJ.....


Bullet (in background): We're doing Tiny Toons! Not a Sunny D commercial!


Kevin (calls back): OKay! (looks at the beer bottle) A cold one.


Dusty and Bullet come to the fridge to join Kevin. Dusty is wearing a Hamton Pig shirt. Bullet is wearing a Plucky Duck shirt.


Bullet: You mean.....


Dusty: That's beer!


Kevin grabs the beer bottle and stares at it. Dusty's and Bullet's reflection is shown on the botle.


Dusty: What are you thinking Kevin?


Kevin (walks away with the beer bottle): Let's drink it!


Bullet and Dusty (together): DRINK IT?!


Dusty: But Kevin! This isn't like you!


Kevin: I know. But in this episode we're showing the evils of alcohol!


Devil horns temporarily come out of Kevin's head for a while then disappear.


Kevin: So don't you guys drink beer? Or have a homosexual threesome?


Dusty: What waa that other thing you said?


Kevin: Never mind!


Dusty: Drink beer? Only on a full bladder. Boy I love to urinate after!


Kevin: Well, what are we waiting for. Come on!


Dusty, Bullet, and Kevin all walk out the door of their house. They find themselves at the Diamond City nature trail park. Walking until the three of them find a park bench. Kevin, Bullet, and Dusty look around to see if anyone was watching. Nobody was there. Kevin takes out the beer bottle


Kevin: Ahhh, nector of the porn stars!


Hobo Cop walks around the Diamond City park whistling to himself. While Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet hide the beer bottle, then play with yoyos and ping pong paddles. Hobo Cop walks away and Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet were relieved.


Dusty (fearfully): Maybe we should just take it back.


Kevin: Oh stop being such a moral compass, Dusty! What are you, foamy sex lubricant? (holds beer proudly)


Struggling to open the bottle, Dusty and Bullet look at Kevin with concern. That was until Kevin flicked it with his thumb. Kevin hands the bottle over to Bullet.


Kevin: You first!


Bullet: uhhh, maybe not. (grabs Dusty) You first!


Dusty: I, uh....YOU FIRST!


Bullet: It was your idea!


Kevin (to Dusty): I dare you!


Dusty: People who dare always go first!


Kevin decides to drink the beer first.


Bullet: Boy am I glad that's settled.


Kevin (sitting on the bench): Alll right....(looks at the bottle) Bottoms up! (takes a sip) Ugg! (to Bullet) Now you!


Bullet takes the a sip and groans then gives the bottle to Dusty. Who takes a sip. Before they knew it, Kevin, Bullet, and Dusty were all inebriated. The words RED LIGHT DISTRICT appears on their eyes replacing their eyeballs. Kevin, Dusty and Bullet were burping while taking swigs of the beer. Visions of cocktails and deck cards, and bubbles appeared before them. Then Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet went up the steps to the Paradise Library.


Kevin (drunk): Are we wasted for what!


Dusty: Just pass the brewsky ass!


Taking a gulp, Dusty started to gurgle. Bullet rudely took the beer away from Dusty.


Bullet: Hey! Don't be such a fucking hog! (laughing) Now that's a good one! (slaps Dusty then slaps Kevin)


Spitting out the beer Kevin begins laughing. Bullet, Dusty, and Kevin see Gina, Karen, and Patty Mae walk out of the library


Kevin (drunk): Look! Babes!


Dusty, Kevin, and Bullet all greet themselves to Gina, Karen, and Patty Mae.


Gina: What the fuck is that smell?


Dusty (drunk): Hey Patty Mae. You and me want to play with my trouser snake? Or what? (stinky breath comes out)


The scent of Dusty's alcohol breath knocks Gina, Karen, and Patty Mae to the steps.


Gina: Fucking twat waffles! They've been drinking!


In digust, Karen, Gina, and Patty Mae all walked down the steps of the library to get away from Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet.


Kevin (drunk): Ahhh, what needs them! Bunch of stuck up cunty bunties! (takes another drink and burps)


Then Dusty, Bullet and Kevin all trip down the stairs and walk away from the library.



Scene 3:


Overtime, Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet were still drunk. Taking turns drinking from the bottle. Slurring their words. Now this time they were walking around in a bad part of town. The three of them plopped down on a street corner by Paradise Donuts.


Kevin: Shit! This is weird! (blabbers)


Dusty (takes bottle): I'll drink to that! (drinks)


Waddling away from the Paradise Donuts. Bullet finds a police car. Then he finds some car keys.


Bullet: Well, lookee here! (opens the police car); how about we go for a ride!


Dusty: If we steal the car, could we go to jail? I'm all in!


Kevin: Cool man!


Going into the police car. Kevin goes in first, then Dusty, and Bullet. Turning on the ignition. A car radio plays Pearl Jam Alive.



Kevin: This sketch came out in 1991! So did this song! Such authenticity! (Hick)


Trying to reach the breakd. Bullet sees he's too short to hold the breaks.


Bullet: How about some gas?


Dusty: Okay!


Going down to where they breaks are. Dusty pushes the breaks while Bullet steers the wheel causing the police car to sling shot back and forth. Kevin hits the window. Then Hobo Cop and Stanley in the donut shop see the commotion going on. Now, Bullet was driving down the street in fast speeds. Kevin, Bullet, and Dusty were taking turns drinking the beer. Drunk and slurring.


Kevin: So, Bullet! How does it feel to be DWI!


Bullet: DWI? What's that?


Kevin: DWI! Driving while Intoxicated!


Bullet: That's fucking bullshit! I don't know how to drive!


The police car continues to drive down the street. Then Bullet gets an idea.


Bullet: Hey, check this out! (presses Cruise control) This is more like it!


Dusty (crawling onto the drivers seat): Hey guys! Look!


The police car was driving into a garbage truck but was able to dodge it. Then the police car was driving into a train subway that had Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet screaming in fear. A train was headed towards them , Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet became skeletons for while, and the car jumped out of the manhole before the train can hit. The police car was now driving to a mountain with a street sign that reads, "IF YOU CAN READ THIS YOU'RE HORNY!" The police car was out of control driving up the mountain. Then the police car comes to a sign next to a cliff.


Dusty: Hey Bullet! What does that sign say?


Kevin: Why are you asking me to read it!


Bullet: I dunno, I think it says...


Before Bullet can read the sign the police car crashes into the sign and falls off the cliff. Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet were all screaming. The police car crashed into the ground near a tombstone with the beer bottle flying out. Then Kevin, Dusty, and Bullet appeared as angels going into heaven. The sketch ended.



Scene 4:


Randall and Bullet were still on stage. Robbie and Delbert were cheering in the audience. As was everyone else.


Bullet: How did you like that one, people!


Robbie: Yeah Hoo! Kick ass!


Delbert: Encore! Encore!


Bullet: This reminds me of that Comedy Central show Short Attention Span Theater!


Randall: Nobody remembers that shit, Bullet! (sucks teeth) Okay, guess they want more. (holding an envelope) Our next sketch is a request from.... (Yells) NETFLIX?!?!?!?!


Bullet: Read the letter.


Randall: Okay it says, (opens envelope) Dear Paradise PD. When are you going to do a parody that makes fun of Disney Princesses?


Bullet: Well, Netflix execs! You're in luck! Because we're going to do reenact an Animaniacs sketch that exactly does so.


Randall: All right. Stanley play the clip, think it's called Jokahontas.


Bullet: Allow me to quote Columbo, one more thing? Are we going to do the whole sketch or just the musical part?


Randall: Musical part of course! This is a 30 minute show.


Bullet: I get it. We have to cut for time!


Randall: Before we begin, me, Kevin, Dusty, Stanley, Gina, and Bullet all sang the song while Karen played the roles of the Disney Princesses! Hit it, Stanley!


In the projection room, Stanley hits the projector.



Scene 5:



A scene shows Karen running through a forrest dressed as Pokahontas exposing her bare breasts. Running to a cliff on a waterfall then making the rock bigger by pushing a lever to dive into the water. Kevin, Bullet, Gina, Busty, Stanley, and Randall were all singing in a choir. Taking turns singing the lyrics all of them wearing matching Animaniacs t shirts.


Kevin (singing): You feel like this is deja vu.


Randall (singing): A girl who always thinks she wants more.


Dusty (singing): The music starts and you find that you are cumming!


Karen dives into the water.


Gina: Okay because it dawns on you.


Stanley: You've seen this story before!


Bullet: Now you're stuck and you know what is coming!



Karen splashes into the water. Then Karen becomes Ariel who dressed really proocatively.


Kevin: Just the same old slutty whore!


Randall: Just a rerun slutty whore!


Karen swims up to a clam that opens and a TV is inside.


Gina: You've seen it before!


Karen (turns on TV): I'm a sexy Ariel!


Dusty: Again once more.....


The scene changes into a ballroom now Karen is Belle but dressed as a prostitute, dancing with Hobo Cop.


Karen: Then I rang a bell!


Stanley: The music encore!


The scene changes to the Oscars with Randall on the podium and Kevin running and giving him an Oscar.


Bullet: An Oscar it will score! With the same old Slutty Whore!


A magic carpet with Karen on board with Preacher Paul dressed as Aladdin and Karen was now dressed as Jasmine.


Dusty (singing): It worked once why not again!


A magic lamp flies off gives out steam, and it changes into a scene where Randall is at a ticket booth at an Indian themed theater. Dusty gets a ticket and pays for it and walks off with a bag of popcorn. Then Kevin drags Dusty to some videotapes at a video rental store.


Randall (signing): We have got your seven bucks!


Kevin (singing) Why should we try something new?


Gina (singing): We know you'll buy the video!


Stanley (singing): The money we'll be raking in!


Randall is seen sweeping up money at a ticket booth. A dollar bill flies by with Karen dressed as Pokahontas who's dress looks like a bikini. Back on the cliff with the waterfall.


Karen (singing): A formula! That's called Entertainment!


Behind Karen there were the other Karens dressed as a Disney Princesses: Ariel, Belle, and Jasmine only more sexualized.


Kevin, Dusty, Stanley, Bullet, Gina, and Randall (all together singing): Just The Same Old Slutty Whore!


The skit ends with a whole bunch of dollar bills flying by with Karen on the dollar bills as Pokahontas




Scene 6:



The scene switches back to Randall and Bullet who was drooling.


Randall: Bullet? Bullet?


Bullet: So sexy it hurts


Randall (slaps Bullet): Snap out of it fuckass! Sex pervert! That's my ex wife you're oggling at!


Bullet: Oh sorry. (to Robbie and Delbert): How did you guys like it?


Robbie and Delbert were drunk and masterbating slurring obsenities. The rest of the audience applauded and laughed.


Randall: Oh fuck them anyway! What the last one?


Bullet: Freakazoid. The alien named moron!


Randall: I play Bill Clinton, Karen is Hillary. Dusty is Moron and.....


Kevin (running by): I play Freakazoid!


Randall: Goddammit! Why do people always keep intruding on my big moment! Anyway, all the others are spectators! This may be our last WB cartoon spoof but there's no guarantee you're going to survive it!


Bullet: Play it again, Stanley!


In the projection room, Stanley pressed the projector to play the sketch.



Scene 7:


A scene changes to Washington DC, preferably the White House with a UFO flying above. The UFO was now flying around the Needle then the Pentagon. The UFO makes a landing with a whole bunch of tanks surrounding it. In an army tent. Kevin is Freakazoid. While Randal and Karen are Bill and Hillary Clinton.


Randall: Ahhh, just think! These aliens will bring us wisdom of the universe!


Stanley (as a soldier): If not we'll blast them! (showing his penis) This way I tells ya!


The UFO opens up and an escalator drops down. Out comes Dusty dressed as the alien Mo-Ron (but will be called Ass Cheeks) as Randall, Karen, and Kevin were looking at him strangly. Dusty comes onto the escalator.


Dusty (slowly): Duuuhhhh, I am Ass Cheeks! (rubbing his stomach and touching his belly button) and I have come with an important message. For all mankind!


Stanley hands Randall a megaphone.


Randall: And what is that message?


Dusty (thinks for while): I am Ass Cheeks!


Karen (grabs the megaphone) Do you come in peace or war?


Acting confused and not understanding anything. Dusty just repeats himself.


Dusty: I am Ass Cheeks!


Randall (takes the megaphone): Goddammit! My patience is being tested here! WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PURPOSE HERE!


Still standing around and even picking his nose and touching his private area. Dusty again repeats himself.


Dusty: I am Ass Cheeks!


Randall, Karen, Kevin, and the soldiers were all murmuring. Kevin decides to give it a go.


Kevin (takes Megaphone): Let me try something. (To Dusty) Tell us, how are babies made?


Again doing more confused gestures. Dusty answers.


Dusty: Duuuhhhh, Sod...Dom....Meee! (shrieks) I am Ass Cheeks!


Kevin: Well, I guess we can pretty much rule out the wisdom of the universe!


Stanley (orders the soldiers in the tanks): Blast that motherfucker!


The tanks shot out every weapon imaginable. Bombs, missiles, the works. The UFO was now a damaged blackened mess. Randall, Karen, and Kevin were looking at Dusty who was limping around.


Dusty: Uuhhh, uuuhhh, uuuh, missionary position? (falls over)


The sketch ends.



Scene 8 Conclusion:


On stage Randall and Bullet give their final farewell. Everyone in the audience cheered, laughed and clapped. Expect Robbie and Delbert.


Randall: We all hoped you enjoyed our first attempt at a trilogy episode!


Bullet: Wasn't it fun how we put in smutty and obscene humor in Tiny Toons, Animaniacs and Freakazoid?


Randall: Sure was, Bullet! We love it bawdy and raunchy! Also before we go. We just want you to know something.....


Bullet: Nobody was raped during the making of these sketches! Also, next time we do a trilogy of WB cartoons, maybe we can try Histeria or Batman Beyond.


Randall: Someday soon, Bullet. Someday soon! Good night everybody! And as I always say.... Keep Pumping Up The Jam!


Just then an anvil landed in the middle of the stage where Bullet and Randall were standing. Both Bullet and Randall ran away before they fell into the hole. Then Fitz and Brett DeMarco come onto the stage. Showing off their eye phones.


Fitz: HA! We filmed everything! It's going viral on social media!


Brett: Even you two, Robbie and Delbert!


Robbie and Delbert were still drunk and masterbating.


Fitz: Soon, Paradise PD will be a laughingstock!


Brett: For doing sketches of pathetic cartoons!


Fitz: And force feeding phallic humor into them!


Brett: Now nobody will want their help with crimes!


Fitz and Brett run off the stage with their eyephones and a closing iris comes to them. Fitz and Brett have a final word.


Brett: Go home motherfuckers! That all fucks!


Fitz: Ain't We A Stinker!



THE END