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A damaged Daria returns to Lawndale for the Thanksgiving break during her first semester at Raft
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The First Thanksgiving – A One Shot
A damaged Daria returns to Lawndale for the Thanksgiving break during her first semester at Raft
Reminder: requests to illustrate collaborate, etc. will be ignored.
Friday, November 24, 2000
Jane Lane worriedly paced the floor near her front door. She had woken up too early for her (granted, that was after 8:00 am) and she had been pacing with mounting concern since nearly 9:00. It was well after 11:00.
Finally, there was a sharp rap on the door and Jane practically flung the door open. “Dar….” Jane’s voice failed as Daria strode into the entrance hall.
Superficially, it was certainly Daria –just over five foot two in the heavy boots, and the brownish/auburn hair was the same as was the green jacket. However, she was wearing black jeans rather than a skirt and flannel shirt. When Daria had left for Raft in late August, she had a number of nice skirts and had stopped wearing t-shirts and switched over to some nicer tops and a number of blouses. She had even started wearing a few pairs of decent shoes rather than the boots every day – it had been clear she was finally at least somewhat embracing her more feminine aspects.
Daria had often been non-expressive, especially during her first year in Lawndale. She had relaxed a bit by the start of her senior year, and through it. Now, however, her expression was hardened in a way Jane had never seen before. She was also wearing smaller wire-rim glasses, and while her face was set in a determined ‘neutral’ expression, her eyes seemed to promise pain, or perhaps were expressing an internal pain.
“What happened these last few weeks?” Jane demanded. Daria had cut way back in her emails and hadn’t returned phone calls since nearly mid-October. “Are you okay?” She paused. “Forget all that…I can see you’re not. What can I do?”
“Are we alone?” Daria’s voice was dead, beyond the expressionlessness it had sometimes been in the past.
“Yeah, Trent and the band have gigs over in Baltimore. I have no idea where Mom or Dad are.”
Daria then marched into the Lane kitchen and sat at the table, her hands clenched in front of her and her body very stiff. A confused Jane followed and sat next to her.
After a few moments, Daria spoke. “It was the second Saturday in October. There was a dorm party – Raft played their so-called ‘arch-rivals’, so the dorms had a party. It was clear that I didn’t have much choice but to make an appearance.” She shut her eyes for a moment, adding, “Everyone was going, so I went. I…I was just trying to fit in.”
Daria’s shoulders slumped. “I thought I was careful, but somehow my soda was roofied.” Jane’s hand made a move towards Daria’s hands, but she managed to halt the gesture. “Yes, I was gangraped,” Jane gasped in horror at that blandly-expressed but horrific statement, “as were five other women – it wasn’t a setup to trap me in particular. I wasn’t conscious, but I was apparently raped by at least two different guys and sodomized by another – if there were more, they were sober enough to use condoms and so did not leave any DNA. Eighteen guys were expelled and were rather quickly arrested – so at least eighteen of them and six of us, so hopefully there weren’t any others who…attacked any of us.”
Jane swallowed nervously, and then asked, “Are you, well….”
“I am not pregnant, and unlike at least two of the others, I don’t seem to have any diseases,” Daria stated flatly.
“I don’t really know what to say,” Jane admitted after a few moments of total silence. “Obviously, well….”
“You’re sorry it happened, you aren’t sure if you’re more angry, upset, feel pity, or other such reactions,” Daria stated simply.
“Of course I feel all of that, and more.” Jane caught Daria’s line of sight. “I’d give you a hug, if you would accept one.”
Daria considered a moment, and then dropped a second, if much lesser, bombshell. “I’d take it, but I don’t think my girlfriend would like it.”
That made Jane do a double take. “Really?” She just managed to keep the surprise out of her voice.
Daria nodded. “One of the other victims. When I woke up in the emergency room, she had just broken down – the rest of us sort of did as well, but we were all much more angry than most other feelings, other than shock of course. I knew the other four slightly, but Kathy…she had been just such an innocent. We were two doors apart in the dorm, and a friend. About my height, and built even thinner. Smart, but really sheltered, and by nature a real Pollyanna.”
“Not usually your type,” Jane pointed out.
“True, I guess,” Daria agreed. “I mean she’s sweet but not like Quinn’s friend Stacy, who I swear doesn’t usually have a backbone. Somehow, she got through eighteen years of being nice without anyone hurting her, or at least no one getting to her. It was like everything just crashed for her all at once.” Daria swallowed. “I…didn’t have any real bruises, but Kathy and another certainly did – not content with raping them, they were apparently at least slapped pretty violently, if not punched.”
Daria’s face hardened again for a moment, but then she swallowed nervously, as the tension drained just a bit. “I tried, Jane. I really tried to fit in. I…I was friendly. I tried to be helpful. For the most part, I at least tried to dial down the sarcasm when confronted by the silly, stupid, and superficial majority of people I met. I thought I had made at least a few casual friends, beyond just Kathy.”
She looked at Jane, and now her eyes seemed more sad than dangerous. “I tried to be the person I thought people wanted me to be. And maybe I was fooling myself, but I thought I was succeeding. I hadn’t met anyone I wanted to date, but I hung around with a number of others, women on my floor, and men and women from classes.” She shrugged her shoulders slightly. “At least none of the guys I knew from class were among…that group. Two of the others knew some of the bastards.”
“You don’t have to go on,” Jane told her quietly.
“I don’t know what to say,” Daria admitted. “I’d like to say a lot of things…or nothing.”
Jane extended her hand. “It’s up to you.”
To her surprise, Daria took her hand and squeezed her eyes shut. “I woke up to, well confusion, discomfort, and embarrassment. Can you imagine feeling very dizzy and then waking up naked on a gurney in an emergency ward, hurting in places that never hurt like that before with a saline IV plugged into your arm? A nurse was finishing up a rape kit under the supervision of a police officer. Female, fortunately. And then the explanation, although the details came out over the next ten days or so.”
Daria’s face reset and her voice grew cold. “Mother was on the phone to the police and the university, not to mention the DA’s office, but she only showed up over a week later because Vitali ordered her to get up to Boston to see me and oversee things there! Otherwise, all I would have gotten two short phone calls and almost nothing more out of her! The University called her, and she didn’t make the first call to me until days later, and I doubt it lasted more than five or six minutes. As it is, I think she blames me almost as much as she does those…those….”
“Animals?” Jane suggested.
Daria nodded. “Granted, she also had to look after Dad – he nearly had another heart attack, he was so angry. So, once he was recovering and Vitali told her to go, she arrived like an avenging angel – except she has also given me the cold shoulder ever since. Over her four-day visit, I doubt she saw me for an hour in total.”
Daria shut her eyes. “Except for things like ‘pass the turkey,’ she really hasn’t spoken to me since I got home Wednesday afternoon. Dad never called, but at least he sent an email every few days once Mom got back to Lawndale. Mom sent a few, but only about the legalities.”
Jane tried to adjust the subject. “When do the men go on trial?”
Daria gave a dismissive chuckle. “Oh, they’ve already plea bargained out – it’s on their record as sex offenders, which will take a long time to expunge, but other than being expelled and agreeing to months of house arrest, they aren’t going to jail. They’ll be back at some college in the fall, no doubt.”
“Damn!”
Daria nodded. “’These young men got carried away, and are being properly punished’…all because two of the bastards are sons of state legislators and five of the others are from Sloane-like families. They struck a deal, and the others were included. They probably wouldn’t be registered as sex offenders if Mom and some of the other lawyers hadn’t kicked up the fuss they did.”
That made Jane wince.
“None of the guys were on the football team, but a few were on the hockey and rugby teams, and those are also big deals at Raft. So, there’s been a fair amount of hostility towards me and the others – we ‘wrecked’ their careers and their teams by default. I mean, the others could identify a few of them, but it was their own DNA that nailed them.”
Jane was startled to see a tear run down Daria’s face. “I can’t stay at Raft – it would be impossible to live on that campus – the last few weeks proved that. I know things might get…less intense over time, but I know it will never go away. The muttering insults, the dirty looks, the actual pointing…from women as well as the men.”
Jane knew how much Raft meant to Daria, and could only guess at how much that part of the story hurt. “What…what are you going to do?” Jane asked tentatively. She hoped Daria wasn’t giving up on college – that would be terrible for her.
“Aunt Amy’s come through. Five of us, including Kathy, are being transferred to North Jersey State in January – I guess that’s also a tribute to the women’s studies program and commitment to women’s issues Aunt Amy’s managed to build there over the years.” Daria’s expression became sad. “I won’t be in Boston with you. I’m…I’m so sorry about that.”
“Well, northern Jersey is closer to Boston than Lawndale,” was all Jane could think to say.
“There is that, I guess,” Daria agreed. Her mouth twisted. “And even with out-of-state tuition, it’s less expensive than Raft, and after next semester, Amy can arrange for me to pay in-state.”
“And your friend?” Jane asked gently.
“She’s actually from southern Jersey,” Daria commented.
“So, you have to go back for what? Three or four weeks?”
Daria shook her head. “Only one and a half, and then final exams. I’m sure I can hold out that long, and I think I can still pull off all A’s with a little luck on the finals.”
“Are…are you really doing okay, physically I mean?”
“Physically?” Daria snorted slightly. “I’ve healed…physically. Again, I was lucky. One woman ended up with a tear in her rectum, another suffered a severe prolapse. Like I said, two have STDs – chlamydia and gonorrhea respectively. Kathy and Cindy had facial bruises from heavy slaps or punches and Cindy – a little chubby with big boobs – had her breasts bruised from some sort of abuse as well. The other five weren’t quite as out of it as I was, and they remember bits and pieces. Of the six of us, I was, well, I guess I should say the least unluckiest.”
“Were you with Kathy before this happened?” Jane asked tentatively.
“No,” Daria replied. She smiled slightly. “On the one hand, I never really gave other girls much thought – I’ve always thought myself mostly straight.”
“‘Much thought’?” Jane managed to tease, hoping she wasn’t going too far. “‘Mostly straight’?”
Daria shrugged. “On the one hand, look who I was at least marginally interested, had a crush on, or dated. Trent, Ted, and Tom – all male – that date Quinn set up with Robert doesn’t count. Ted and Tom are hardly macho, and Trent is mostly just laid back. On the other, while I thought before I came to Lawndale that I really wasn’t all that interested in anyone, I also knew that males and females were attractive, even if I wasn’t really that attracted to anyone in particular.”
“I never knew that,” Jane admitted.
Daria almost smiled. “It was clear to me pretty quickly that you at least consider yourself totally straight, so I never brought it up. Your run-in with Alison rather confirmed that.”
“Never had a crush on me, then,” Jane teased, a little more lightly.
“A crush? No,” Daria stated, “although I did sometimes wonder if I was crushing on Trent in part to deflect any interest in you.” Jane’s eyes went wide at that thought. “But whenever you showed me the band’s porn movies, I could see you weren’t turned on by any of the girl-on-girl action. At all, unlike a lot of the rest of it. So I figured there was no reason to even think about us experimenting.”
“Were you turned on by any of it?”
“The porn? Not really,” Daria confessed. “I wasn’t turned off – I found most of it interesting, let’s even say educational, but not that…stimulating. I mean, most of the people were attractive, but I wasn’t turned on by them or by what they did.” She smiled just a little. “As I said, they were certainly educational, however.”
“No, you never acted, well, prudish,” Jane agreed. “So, tell me about Kathy.”
“She’s smart, something of the ultimate computer nerd. She was…amused by me when we met. Opposites in many ways. Like I said, thin and about my height, maybe a half inch taller. Nice legs, barely an A-cup, short light brown hair, very cute and with large eyes a little lighter than yours. She apparently dated a few guys in high school, but not seriously.” Daria scowled. “Those bastards, through luck or whatever, managed to target six virgins.”
Jane winced again, but quickly asked, “You were telling me about Kathy, but you don’t have to.”
“We became casual friends pretty quickly,” Daria replied. “We became close friends over the weeks leading up to, well, that weekend. Not as close as you and I have been, but more so than anyone else I knew before, not counting you.” Daria smirked. “Like I said, she’s a real computer nerd – that’s her major. However, although she’s pretty feminine, she never learned how to sew, so I helped her when she tore the hem in one of her dresses, and that really started the friendship. I was also the only one on the floor who could keep up with her geek-speak. She’s really into sci-fi, and we nerded out in the TV room a few times together, watching Star Trek and such. But no, I don’t think we ever touched until after….”
“Jump ahead a bit,” Jane suggested, to divert Daria a bit from the most painful memories.
Daria nodded. “We all met with counselors, separately and in groups, starting the next Monday,” Daria replied. “Kathy…broke down in an early group session and, well, she just glommed on to me as she cried. I was startled, but managed to hug her anyway until she recovered. When we got back to the dorm, she apologized and I told her I was there for her. It made her feel better…and me as well. I…I needed that kind of contact almost as much as she did, and it helped me to help her. Both our roommates were…hesitant about being around us, so Kathy switched and moved in with me. Two nights later, she crawled into my bed to cry, and we comforted each other. We slept together every night since then.”
Daria gave Jane a wan smile. “Two nights later, as we snuggled, she asked if she could kiss me, and I said yes.” Her slight smile widened. “It felt…wonderful. We haven’t done anything overtly…sexual, but a lot of comforting, kissing…light stroking of our bare backs under our night shirts as we’ve kissed, things like that. It may go further, it may not. We’re still working on that. I mean, it took over a week together before we dared strip to change with the other in sight, let alone try anything more…overt.”
“I can see why you’d go slow,” Jane said. “Do you really think, well….”
“I think so,” Daria mused. “I mean, maybe it’s just a reaction to what we went through, but we both think it can become more. We’ll just have to wait and see.” Daria seemed to straighten up a bit. “We both have a long way to go.”
Jane thought a moment, and then asked, “Does your mother know?”
“That I am at least leaning towards gay? No; if she did, then maybe that would partially explain why she won’t speak to me.” Daria shrugged.
Jane paused in thought, and then asked, “Are you sure Kathy would mind my hugging you?”
“Actually, I’m sure she wouldn’t,” Daria responded. “I just said that because it seemed like a good way to come out to you.”
Jane stood, pulling Daria to her feet. Hand-in-hand, Daria, feeling a bit bemused, allowed Jane to lead her to the living room sofa. Jane plopped down and pulled a somewhat startled Daria onto her lap and into a firm hug. Jane whispered in her ear, “I’m sorry you were hurt…are hurt. I’m sorry I messed around and applied to BFAC late; maybe I would have been at the party with you if I’d gotten my act together.” She gave Daria a squeeze. “I am glad you found someone. I…I do love you as a friend, and I hope you’ve found someone who can be even more.”
Jane felt Daria relax slightly at this acceptance. She gave Daria another squeeze. “I’m sure things have been tense at home. I have you now, so relax.” Jane hesitated, but then leaned a bit and kissed Daria’s temple. “Rest with me, until you can have your Kathy again. I’m here for you, Amiga.”
Jane could feel the tension in Daria melt away a bit more. “Thank you,” Daria said softly.
Jane said nothing, she just kept a tight hold. In minutes, Daria, emotionally exhausted (in part because of her mother’s treatment and being separated from Kathy), finally fully relaxed and fell asleep in Jane’s arms. Kathy’s embrace made Daria feel loved; Jane’s embrace made Daria feel safe.
It was so good to feel safe again.
A damaged Daria returns to Lawndale for the Thanksgiving break during her first semester at Raft
Reminder: requests to illustrate collaborate, etc. will be ignored.
Friday, November 24, 2000
Jane Lane worriedly paced the floor near her front door. She had woken up too early for her (granted, that was after 8:00 am) and she had been pacing with mounting concern since nearly 9:00. It was well after 11:00.
Finally, there was a sharp rap on the door and Jane practically flung the door open. “Dar….” Jane’s voice failed as Daria strode into the entrance hall.
Superficially, it was certainly Daria –just over five foot two in the heavy boots, and the brownish/auburn hair was the same as was the green jacket. However, she was wearing black jeans rather than a skirt and flannel shirt. When Daria had left for Raft in late August, she had a number of nice skirts and had stopped wearing t-shirts and switched over to some nicer tops and a number of blouses. She had even started wearing a few pairs of decent shoes rather than the boots every day – it had been clear she was finally at least somewhat embracing her more feminine aspects.
Daria had often been non-expressive, especially during her first year in Lawndale. She had relaxed a bit by the start of her senior year, and through it. Now, however, her expression was hardened in a way Jane had never seen before. She was also wearing smaller wire-rim glasses, and while her face was set in a determined ‘neutral’ expression, her eyes seemed to promise pain, or perhaps were expressing an internal pain.
“What happened these last few weeks?” Jane demanded. Daria had cut way back in her emails and hadn’t returned phone calls since nearly mid-October. “Are you okay?” She paused. “Forget all that…I can see you’re not. What can I do?”
“Are we alone?” Daria’s voice was dead, beyond the expressionlessness it had sometimes been in the past.
“Yeah, Trent and the band have gigs over in Baltimore. I have no idea where Mom or Dad are.”
Daria then marched into the Lane kitchen and sat at the table, her hands clenched in front of her and her body very stiff. A confused Jane followed and sat next to her.
After a few moments, Daria spoke. “It was the second Saturday in October. There was a dorm party – Raft played their so-called ‘arch-rivals’, so the dorms had a party. It was clear that I didn’t have much choice but to make an appearance.” She shut her eyes for a moment, adding, “Everyone was going, so I went. I…I was just trying to fit in.”
Daria’s shoulders slumped. “I thought I was careful, but somehow my soda was roofied.” Jane’s hand made a move towards Daria’s hands, but she managed to halt the gesture. “Yes, I was gangraped,” Jane gasped in horror at that blandly-expressed but horrific statement, “as were five other women – it wasn’t a setup to trap me in particular. I wasn’t conscious, but I was apparently raped by at least two different guys and sodomized by another – if there were more, they were sober enough to use condoms and so did not leave any DNA. Eighteen guys were expelled and were rather quickly arrested – so at least eighteen of them and six of us, so hopefully there weren’t any others who…attacked any of us.”
Jane swallowed nervously, and then asked, “Are you, well….”
“I am not pregnant, and unlike at least two of the others, I don’t seem to have any diseases,” Daria stated flatly.
“I don’t really know what to say,” Jane admitted after a few moments of total silence. “Obviously, well….”
“You’re sorry it happened, you aren’t sure if you’re more angry, upset, feel pity, or other such reactions,” Daria stated simply.
“Of course I feel all of that, and more.” Jane caught Daria’s line of sight. “I’d give you a hug, if you would accept one.”
Daria considered a moment, and then dropped a second, if much lesser, bombshell. “I’d take it, but I don’t think my girlfriend would like it.”
That made Jane do a double take. “Really?” She just managed to keep the surprise out of her voice.
Daria nodded. “One of the other victims. When I woke up in the emergency room, she had just broken down – the rest of us sort of did as well, but we were all much more angry than most other feelings, other than shock of course. I knew the other four slightly, but Kathy…she had been just such an innocent. We were two doors apart in the dorm, and a friend. About my height, and built even thinner. Smart, but really sheltered, and by nature a real Pollyanna.”
“Not usually your type,” Jane pointed out.
“True, I guess,” Daria agreed. “I mean she’s sweet but not like Quinn’s friend Stacy, who I swear doesn’t usually have a backbone. Somehow, she got through eighteen years of being nice without anyone hurting her, or at least no one getting to her. It was like everything just crashed for her all at once.” Daria swallowed. “I…didn’t have any real bruises, but Kathy and another certainly did – not content with raping them, they were apparently at least slapped pretty violently, if not punched.”
Daria’s face hardened again for a moment, but then she swallowed nervously, as the tension drained just a bit. “I tried, Jane. I really tried to fit in. I…I was friendly. I tried to be helpful. For the most part, I at least tried to dial down the sarcasm when confronted by the silly, stupid, and superficial majority of people I met. I thought I had made at least a few casual friends, beyond just Kathy.”
She looked at Jane, and now her eyes seemed more sad than dangerous. “I tried to be the person I thought people wanted me to be. And maybe I was fooling myself, but I thought I was succeeding. I hadn’t met anyone I wanted to date, but I hung around with a number of others, women on my floor, and men and women from classes.” She shrugged her shoulders slightly. “At least none of the guys I knew from class were among…that group. Two of the others knew some of the bastards.”
“You don’t have to go on,” Jane told her quietly.
“I don’t know what to say,” Daria admitted. “I’d like to say a lot of things…or nothing.”
Jane extended her hand. “It’s up to you.”
To her surprise, Daria took her hand and squeezed her eyes shut. “I woke up to, well confusion, discomfort, and embarrassment. Can you imagine feeling very dizzy and then waking up naked on a gurney in an emergency ward, hurting in places that never hurt like that before with a saline IV plugged into your arm? A nurse was finishing up a rape kit under the supervision of a police officer. Female, fortunately. And then the explanation, although the details came out over the next ten days or so.”
Daria’s face reset and her voice grew cold. “Mother was on the phone to the police and the university, not to mention the DA’s office, but she only showed up over a week later because Vitali ordered her to get up to Boston to see me and oversee things there! Otherwise, all I would have gotten two short phone calls and almost nothing more out of her! The University called her, and she didn’t make the first call to me until days later, and I doubt it lasted more than five or six minutes. As it is, I think she blames me almost as much as she does those…those….”
“Animals?” Jane suggested.
Daria nodded. “Granted, she also had to look after Dad – he nearly had another heart attack, he was so angry. So, once he was recovering and Vitali told her to go, she arrived like an avenging angel – except she has also given me the cold shoulder ever since. Over her four-day visit, I doubt she saw me for an hour in total.”
Daria shut her eyes. “Except for things like ‘pass the turkey,’ she really hasn’t spoken to me since I got home Wednesday afternoon. Dad never called, but at least he sent an email every few days once Mom got back to Lawndale. Mom sent a few, but only about the legalities.”
Jane tried to adjust the subject. “When do the men go on trial?”
Daria gave a dismissive chuckle. “Oh, they’ve already plea bargained out – it’s on their record as sex offenders, which will take a long time to expunge, but other than being expelled and agreeing to months of house arrest, they aren’t going to jail. They’ll be back at some college in the fall, no doubt.”
“Damn!”
Daria nodded. “’These young men got carried away, and are being properly punished’…all because two of the bastards are sons of state legislators and five of the others are from Sloane-like families. They struck a deal, and the others were included. They probably wouldn’t be registered as sex offenders if Mom and some of the other lawyers hadn’t kicked up the fuss they did.”
That made Jane wince.
“None of the guys were on the football team, but a few were on the hockey and rugby teams, and those are also big deals at Raft. So, there’s been a fair amount of hostility towards me and the others – we ‘wrecked’ their careers and their teams by default. I mean, the others could identify a few of them, but it was their own DNA that nailed them.”
Jane was startled to see a tear run down Daria’s face. “I can’t stay at Raft – it would be impossible to live on that campus – the last few weeks proved that. I know things might get…less intense over time, but I know it will never go away. The muttering insults, the dirty looks, the actual pointing…from women as well as the men.”
Jane knew how much Raft meant to Daria, and could only guess at how much that part of the story hurt. “What…what are you going to do?” Jane asked tentatively. She hoped Daria wasn’t giving up on college – that would be terrible for her.
“Aunt Amy’s come through. Five of us, including Kathy, are being transferred to North Jersey State in January – I guess that’s also a tribute to the women’s studies program and commitment to women’s issues Aunt Amy’s managed to build there over the years.” Daria’s expression became sad. “I won’t be in Boston with you. I’m…I’m so sorry about that.”
“Well, northern Jersey is closer to Boston than Lawndale,” was all Jane could think to say.
“There is that, I guess,” Daria agreed. Her mouth twisted. “And even with out-of-state tuition, it’s less expensive than Raft, and after next semester, Amy can arrange for me to pay in-state.”
“And your friend?” Jane asked gently.
“She’s actually from southern Jersey,” Daria commented.
“So, you have to go back for what? Three or four weeks?”
Daria shook her head. “Only one and a half, and then final exams. I’m sure I can hold out that long, and I think I can still pull off all A’s with a little luck on the finals.”
“Are…are you really doing okay, physically I mean?”
“Physically?” Daria snorted slightly. “I’ve healed…physically. Again, I was lucky. One woman ended up with a tear in her rectum, another suffered a severe prolapse. Like I said, two have STDs – chlamydia and gonorrhea respectively. Kathy and Cindy had facial bruises from heavy slaps or punches and Cindy – a little chubby with big boobs – had her breasts bruised from some sort of abuse as well. The other five weren’t quite as out of it as I was, and they remember bits and pieces. Of the six of us, I was, well, I guess I should say the least unluckiest.”
“Were you with Kathy before this happened?” Jane asked tentatively.
“No,” Daria replied. She smiled slightly. “On the one hand, I never really gave other girls much thought – I’ve always thought myself mostly straight.”
“‘Much thought’?” Jane managed to tease, hoping she wasn’t going too far. “‘Mostly straight’?”
Daria shrugged. “On the one hand, look who I was at least marginally interested, had a crush on, or dated. Trent, Ted, and Tom – all male – that date Quinn set up with Robert doesn’t count. Ted and Tom are hardly macho, and Trent is mostly just laid back. On the other, while I thought before I came to Lawndale that I really wasn’t all that interested in anyone, I also knew that males and females were attractive, even if I wasn’t really that attracted to anyone in particular.”
“I never knew that,” Jane admitted.
Daria almost smiled. “It was clear to me pretty quickly that you at least consider yourself totally straight, so I never brought it up. Your run-in with Alison rather confirmed that.”
“Never had a crush on me, then,” Jane teased, a little more lightly.
“A crush? No,” Daria stated, “although I did sometimes wonder if I was crushing on Trent in part to deflect any interest in you.” Jane’s eyes went wide at that thought. “But whenever you showed me the band’s porn movies, I could see you weren’t turned on by any of the girl-on-girl action. At all, unlike a lot of the rest of it. So I figured there was no reason to even think about us experimenting.”
“Were you turned on by any of it?”
“The porn? Not really,” Daria confessed. “I wasn’t turned off – I found most of it interesting, let’s even say educational, but not that…stimulating. I mean, most of the people were attractive, but I wasn’t turned on by them or by what they did.” She smiled just a little. “As I said, they were certainly educational, however.”
“No, you never acted, well, prudish,” Jane agreed. “So, tell me about Kathy.”
“She’s smart, something of the ultimate computer nerd. She was…amused by me when we met. Opposites in many ways. Like I said, thin and about my height, maybe a half inch taller. Nice legs, barely an A-cup, short light brown hair, very cute and with large eyes a little lighter than yours. She apparently dated a few guys in high school, but not seriously.” Daria scowled. “Those bastards, through luck or whatever, managed to target six virgins.”
Jane winced again, but quickly asked, “You were telling me about Kathy, but you don’t have to.”
“We became casual friends pretty quickly,” Daria replied. “We became close friends over the weeks leading up to, well, that weekend. Not as close as you and I have been, but more so than anyone else I knew before, not counting you.” Daria smirked. “Like I said, she’s a real computer nerd – that’s her major. However, although she’s pretty feminine, she never learned how to sew, so I helped her when she tore the hem in one of her dresses, and that really started the friendship. I was also the only one on the floor who could keep up with her geek-speak. She’s really into sci-fi, and we nerded out in the TV room a few times together, watching Star Trek and such. But no, I don’t think we ever touched until after….”
“Jump ahead a bit,” Jane suggested, to divert Daria a bit from the most painful memories.
Daria nodded. “We all met with counselors, separately and in groups, starting the next Monday,” Daria replied. “Kathy…broke down in an early group session and, well, she just glommed on to me as she cried. I was startled, but managed to hug her anyway until she recovered. When we got back to the dorm, she apologized and I told her I was there for her. It made her feel better…and me as well. I…I needed that kind of contact almost as much as she did, and it helped me to help her. Both our roommates were…hesitant about being around us, so Kathy switched and moved in with me. Two nights later, she crawled into my bed to cry, and we comforted each other. We slept together every night since then.”
Daria gave Jane a wan smile. “Two nights later, as we snuggled, she asked if she could kiss me, and I said yes.” Her slight smile widened. “It felt…wonderful. We haven’t done anything overtly…sexual, but a lot of comforting, kissing…light stroking of our bare backs under our night shirts as we’ve kissed, things like that. It may go further, it may not. We’re still working on that. I mean, it took over a week together before we dared strip to change with the other in sight, let alone try anything more…overt.”
“I can see why you’d go slow,” Jane said. “Do you really think, well….”
“I think so,” Daria mused. “I mean, maybe it’s just a reaction to what we went through, but we both think it can become more. We’ll just have to wait and see.” Daria seemed to straighten up a bit. “We both have a long way to go.”
Jane thought a moment, and then asked, “Does your mother know?”
“That I am at least leaning towards gay? No; if she did, then maybe that would partially explain why she won’t speak to me.” Daria shrugged.
Jane paused in thought, and then asked, “Are you sure Kathy would mind my hugging you?”
“Actually, I’m sure she wouldn’t,” Daria responded. “I just said that because it seemed like a good way to come out to you.”
Jane stood, pulling Daria to her feet. Hand-in-hand, Daria, feeling a bit bemused, allowed Jane to lead her to the living room sofa. Jane plopped down and pulled a somewhat startled Daria onto her lap and into a firm hug. Jane whispered in her ear, “I’m sorry you were hurt…are hurt. I’m sorry I messed around and applied to BFAC late; maybe I would have been at the party with you if I’d gotten my act together.” She gave Daria a squeeze. “I am glad you found someone. I…I do love you as a friend, and I hope you’ve found someone who can be even more.”
Jane felt Daria relax slightly at this acceptance. She gave Daria another squeeze. “I’m sure things have been tense at home. I have you now, so relax.” Jane hesitated, but then leaned a bit and kissed Daria’s temple. “Rest with me, until you can have your Kathy again. I’m here for you, Amiga.”
Jane could feel the tension in Daria melt away a bit more. “Thank you,” Daria said softly.
Jane said nothing, she just kept a tight hold. In minutes, Daria, emotionally exhausted (in part because of her mother’s treatment and being separated from Kathy), finally fully relaxed and fell asleep in Jane’s arms. Kathy’s embrace made Daria feel loved; Jane’s embrace made Daria feel safe.
It was so good to feel safe again.
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