Categories > Cartoons > Strip Law
An AU Strip Law fanfic. Where Lincoln, Steve, Sheila, Irene, Glem, and Lunch Meat are kids.
0Unrated
A/N: We've seen adult cartoons like Family Guy, Archer and Drawn Together do parodies of 1980's and 1990's cartoons about the characters being kids. What if Strip Law did the same?
Strip Law
Fanfic Title:
Strip Law Kids.
by: Trenton Sands
Note: All the characters in this will be known as Kid Lincoln, Kid Steve, etc.
Opening Credits Scene:
A school bus is waiting outside of a house. In the front door there was a Judge and Marcia Gumb sending their son Lincoln Gumb as a child off to school as he runs to the school bus. As the school bus departs. Irene, Sheila, and Glem as children were waving hello out of the window.
Scene changes and now it shows Lincoln and Steve running by and high fiving each other. Then a quick change and now Kid Sheila, Kid Irene, and Kid Lunch Meat dancing to music playing on a radio. Kid Lincoln and Kid Steve soon join them.
Another scene shows Kid Lincoln, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, Kid Irene and Kid Steve all sliding on a slide out of an ice cream store with ice cream and then find themselves on a bus stop.
Singer: Clark County! Clark County! Clark County Nevada! We are the Strip Law Kids!
The next scene now shows Kid Lincoln and Kid Glem living next door to each other mowing their lawns as Kid Steve, Kid Glem, Kid Sheila, and Kid Irene ride past them on roller skates, bikes, and skateboards.
Singer: Clark County! Clark County! Clark County Nevada! We are the Strip Law Kids!
Showing Kid Lincoln, Kid Irene, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, and Kid Steve one by one the singer of the theme song changing the lyrics.
Singer: In...The....State....of......Nevada! (scat singing) They're growing up in the Las Vegas Way! (scat singing)
Then the kids run around one by one.
Voice: Strip Law Kids Roll Call! Lincoln!
Kid Lincoln: I don't know how to be cool!
Voice: Steve!
Kid Steve: I follow every rule!
Voice: Sheila!
Kid Sheila: I love magic!
Voice: Glem!
Kid Glem: Feeling very spastic!
Voice: Irene!
Kid Irene: Totally strong and super smart!
Voice: Lunch Meat!
Kid Lunch Meat: I tap dance 'til I fart!
Now Kid Lincoln, Kid Irene, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, and Kid Steve were watching TV then are now seen playing on a school playground.
Singer: Clark County! Clark County! Clark County Nevada! We are the Strip Law Kids! (5x)
The opening credits end with Kid Lincoln, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, Kid Irene, Kid Steve walking out of the school. Then more shots of Kid Lincoln and Kid Steve playing. As well as Kid Irene, Kid Sheila and Kid Glem. Then shows the bullies Kevin and George. After a while it shows Kid Lincoln and Kid Glem filiming what looked like a movie, but it was the main kids standing on the Strip Law kids logo.
Scene 1:
A title card shows Kid Lincoln on a stage with a caption above that reads Play Date Panic.
Kid Lincoln: Today's episode....Play Date Panic!
A bunch of cars were dropping off some kids at a house. The house was the Gumb Residence. Home of their long time friend Lincoln Gumb. Surrounding the house were Kid Glem, Kid Sheila, Kid Steve, Kid Lunch Meat, and Kid Irene.
Kid Lunch Meat: Last play date was at my house.
Kid Sheila (rolls eyes): We know. All you need was make us help you perform for the dance contest.
Kid Glem: You're telling me. Hopefully, Lincoln has better ideas for a playdate.
Kid Steve: You know that's the thing. We never had a playdate at Lincoln's before.
Kid Irene: We've known him for so long we don't know how he likes to have fun.
Kid Glem (going to the door): Only one way to find out.
Ringing the doorbell, Kid Lincoln answers.
Kid Lincoln: Hey guys! I'm glad you could make it! Come on in!
All the kids walk into Kid Lincoln's house and he leads them all to his basement.
Kid Lunch Meat: Why the basement? Is there some dead bodies down there we can disect! (laughs)
Kid Sheila: Stop being so gross, Lunch Meat!
Kid Irene: Sometimes your jokes are worse than those bullies Kevin and George!
Now in the basement, Kid Lincoln looks at all his friends.
Kid Lincoln: So! What do we do first?
Kid Sheila: I know! I'll show you this cool new magic trick where I turn cards into mud!
Getting a magic wand, Kid Sheila throws a deck of cards on the wall and waving her wand, the cards turn into mud. Kid Lincoln, Kid Steve, Kid Glem, Kid Lunch Meat, and Kid Irene were all impressed.
Kid Lunch Meat: Wow! If I ever make it as a dancer! You can be my opening act!
Kid Lincoln: Oh look! The cards looks like they're racing each other!
Kid Glem: I don't know. This seems unsanitary.
Kid Lunch Meat: How about we play Dog Day Afternoon instead. (running into a laundry basket: Attica! Attica!
When the cards were slowly dripping down with the mud stuck on them. All the kids cheered, that was until Kid Steve stopped in front of the cards with mud dripping on the wall.
Kid Steve: Stop this at once! I'm telling your Mom, Lincoln!
Kid Lincoln: But why? I'm glad Sheila did this. Because before you guys came over. I didn't know how playdates work.
Kid Glem: Not fair! You are such a tattletale! You closet homo!
Kid Steve: I am not a tattletale! (muddy card lands on Steve's face)
A man who's head isn't shown walks into the room to check on the kids. It was a Judge.
Judge: Hello children? Are you being naughty?
All the kids respond with "NO". Kid Steve takes off the muddy card on his face and runs up to the judge!
Kid Steve: They threw mud on the walls. You should punish them with severe force! I know! Send them all to that prison in Stir Crazy!
Judge Gumb: Remember kids. Lying is wrong.
Kid Irene, Kid Sheila, Kid Lincoln, Kid Glem, and Kid Lunch Meat: We're sorry Mr Gumb.
Next to the Judge, Marcia Gumb walks into the basement.
Judge: Kids, this is my wife and Lincoln's mother. Marcia.
Marcia: Hi Lincoln, and Strip Law kids.
Judge: You guys all be good and do everything she tells you to. Okay?
Kid Lincoln: Where are you going, Dad?
Judge: I am going to court appointed Alcoholics Anonymous.
Marcia: Go on, honey! You don't want to be late....
Judge: Stop fucking rushing me you unemployed whore! (runs out of the room)
Scene 2:
Marcia Gumb looks at the kids with contempt. The kids all stare at her in fear.
Kid Irene (nervously): Uhhhh, so. Mrs Lincoln's mom. Do you want to play with us and use our imaginations?
Kid Sheila: We're not defiant! Honest!
Marcia (stomps her foot): Listen up you little bastards! As long as you're all in my house, all you assholes are going to stay in this fucking basement and do not get out until I say I can! Got it!
Kid Steve: Don't worry, Mrs Gumb. I'll patrol the hallway and make sure they stay put!
Kid Lincoln: Judas! Traitor!
Marcia: (to Kid Steve): Wow! What a mature young man you are! Following the rules. I wish Lincoln could be more like you. Spoken like a true ass kissing gentleman!
Kid Steve gives the middle finger and Marcia leave the room. The kids all contemplate on what they just witnessed.
Kid Lincoln: That son of a bitch Steve! Why do I ever hang out with him!
Kid Irene: I know right! Remember the time he snitched on us when we stole that subsitute teacher's bra!
Kid Glem: Don't remind me! We got a Saturday Detention like we were The Breakfast Club because of him!
Kid Lunch Meat: This is so stupid! I don't want to be stuck in this basement!
Kid Sheila: Me neither!
Kid Lincoln: Guys! We don't have to stay in the basement! I'm going to make this the best playdate ever! I got a plan!
Leading his friends over to a doll house. All the figurines resemble the Strip Law kids. Kid Lincoln explains his plot to destroy his mother.
Kid Lincoln (opens the dollhouse): OKay here's the plan. (To Kid Glem) Take it away, Glem!
Kid Glem: (points to a figurine who looks like Kid Steve): Since Steve is patrolling the hallways. At precisely 9:16, when Steve reaches this corner, I'll signal you guys like some horny drug dealer hopped up on Cialis!
Kid Sheila: OKay, then what?
Kid Glem: We give her the shocker!
Kid Lincoln: Good! How about you, Irene.
Kid Irene: We'll make his Mom come inside I'll cry even louder than Sean Penn when he was executed on Dead Man Walking!
Kid Sheila: Wait? Your parents let you watch movies about death row?
Kid Irene: I can handle it! I'm an A Student!
Kid Sheila uses her magic to build a trap as she put together every toy in the basement. Everything from blocks, plushies, barrel of monkey, and a toy firetruck about to go down a toy race track.
Kid Lincoln: Wow, Sheila! You are making my playdate with you guys really fun! Whatever will we do without you!
Kid Glem (at a closet): Filled this closet full of pillows.
Kid Lincoln: Good job, Glem. OKay Lunch Meat?
Kid Lunch Meat (looks at the toy firetruck): I don't think this is going to work, you guys. This truck is not lined up with the closet!
Kid Sheila, Kid Lincoln, Kid Glem, Kid Irene: And break!
Kid Lincoln ran to the basement door and opened it and waited for Kid Steve to go down the hall as he was marching.
Kid Glem (calls out): Oh shocker! The piggy action is what makes it so unique!
Kid Sheila (hides behind a teddy bear with Kid Irene): Mrs Gumb! You whore! And Tyrone! I paid you to kill her not fuck her!
Footsteps are heard from far away.
Scene 3:
Marcia Gumb barges into the room with excessive force. All the kids were hiding.
Kid Glem (sneezes and clears throat)
Marcia: Hey shitwads! I thought I told you to....
Under a cot, Kid Lunch Meat and Kid Lincoln pulled a string. Before Marcia knew it, she was tripping and falling all over the place thanks to the toy trap the kids had set. The plan goes awry when Marcia gets her feet tangled in a jump rope and falls over backwards on a rocking horse breaking her neck and dying. Marcia's nose was bleeding. All the kids stood in horror.
Kid Sheila (whining): Ooooh! We can't let Steve know about this!
Kid Lincoln (crying): Yes he's going to tell Daddy and we're going.....
Kid Glem (screaming): TO BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!!!!
Kid Irene: I might get grounded for a million years!
Kid Lunch Meat: I'm going to be in permanent time out!
The basement door opens. In comes Kid Steve who hears all the commotion.
Kid Steve: What's going on here!
Kid Lincoln: Uhhh, nothing!
Kid Steve (looks around): Don't sound like nothing!
Kid Irene (acts nervously): Just out of curiousity and not that we had anything to do with it. What exactly did you hear?
Kid Steve: I don't know. Crashing, falling, and screaming. If I had to take a guess. (points to Kid Glem): You happen to know anything about that!
Kid Glem: Nope! Don't look at me!
Kid Steve (marchs to Kid Sheila): How about you?
Kid Sheila: Uhhhhh....
Kid Steve: The buck stops here! I am not going to quit until I get to the bottom of this!
Kid Lunch Meat: He's acting like a cross between a gangster or a corrupt cop!
Kid Steve then sees Marcia dead with his neck cracked on the rocking horse.
Kid Lincoln (cries out): Oh no! He knows! He knows!
Kid Steve: See? This! This! This is what happens if you don't follow the fucking rules! Why did you guys do such a thing?
Kid Glem: We just didn't like the way she was treating us.
Kid Sheila: She wanted to imprison us down here. You heard her.
Kid Steve: Well, guess I'm just as involved in this as you guys are.
Kid Lunch Meat: You mean you're not mad at us?
Kid Steve: If you all want to avoid trouble. We're going to have to play Mr. Fix It!
Kid Irene: Like Pulp Fiction?
Kid Sheila: There you go again with the R rated movies! Those are NOT for kids!
Kid Steve: SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! Gather around and I'll tell you what to do.
Kid Lincoln, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, Kid Irene, and Kid Lunch Meat were all awaiting Kid Steve's orders.
Scene 4:
What was once a regular kid friendly basement was now a crime scene. Kid Steve was now in charge of helping get rid of the now dead Marcia Gumb.
Kid Steve: Not only do I follow the rules! I solve problems!
Kid Lincoln: Please! Tell us what to do to get rid of my dead mom! I want to be a lawyer some day! This will not look good on my permanent record!
Kid Steve: First up, we need to clean this blood stain. Sheila, this could be a good time for you do put that magic of yours into good use.
Conjuring a magic spell called Crimson Vanish, Sheila successfully cleans up the blood!
Kid Sheila: Done!
Kid Steve: Excellent. Lincoln. Get a huge bed sheet. And wrap it around your dead mother.
Going to the cot, Lincoln takes off the bedsheet and wraps it around his dead mom.
Kid Lincoln: Good thing my dad won't be back from AA for a while.
Kid Steve: Great job everyone! Now Glem lift the dead body and put it on a wagon.
Getting a wagon, Kid Glem lifts the wrapped corpse and places it inside.
Kid Steve: Irene, there's an exit to outside! Open the door.
Kid Irene opens the door and all the kids were pushing the wagon out of the house.
Kid Lincoln: We're outside. Hope nobody sees us!
Kid Steve: If they do, we'll tell people we're giving toys away for charity.
Kid Sheila: Thought people only did that on Christmas.
Kid Irene: Where are we going?
Kid Steve: I know where the nearest wishing well is. Its thirty minutes away. We can make it in ten.
Kid Glem: Hope I'm not out of breathe by the time we get there.
Kid Lunch Meat: Hey! How come you didn't ask to do anything?
Kid Steve: Because you'll just fuck everything up like you always do.
With Kid Steve in the lead. The kids were pulling the wagon to the wishing well.
Scene 5:
Walking down the neighborhood pulling the wagon. Hoping nobody sees them. Kid Lincoln, Kid Sheila, Kid Lunch Meat, Kid Irene, and Kid Glem go about their way. Trouble soon arises when they spot their bullies Kevin and George.
Kid Lunch Meat: Oh no! It's them! Our bullies! Kevin and George!
Kid Kevin and Kid George both spotted and walked up the ragtag crew. Glem hides behind the wagon.
Kid George: Hey Steve Naive and Lincdumb! Nice wagon there! What do you have under that sheet? A blow up doll!
Kid Kevin: Let's not forget Lunch Meat here! What a lame ass name! What are your parents names? Oscar and Meyer! (laughs)
Kid Lunch Meat: You gotta lot of nerve making fun of us the way you do!
Kid George: Irene! What score did you get on your GPA? a negative 5000?
Kid Irene: How would you guys like a knuckle sandwich? I also work out too!
Kid Lincoln: No! We're just giving something away for charity.
Kid Sheila: Yeah it's going to Goodwill!
Kid Kevin: Where you shop for your pathetic ass magic shit!
Kid George: I'm going to become mayor of Las Vegas and if I ever find out what's really under there, you're all dead! (laughs)
Kid Kevin: Have fun with your silly ass wagon game! George and I have better things to do than be seen with you losers!
George and Kevin high fived each other and walk away. Kid Steve, Kid Lincoln, Kid Irene, Kid Sheila, and Kid Glem all continued with their mission.
Kid Glem (comes out of hiding): They always call me Glem Glum. (sees wishing well) Hey look! It's the wishing well!
Kid Steve: Perfect timing! We'll dump the body in the well!
Kid Lincoln: Full speed ahead.
Reaching their destination, the kids have finally reached the wishing well.
Scene 6:
The kids were now at the wishing well. Kid Glem was looking around to see if people were watching them.
Kid Glem: Nobody around. I think we're good.
Kid Lincoln: OKay ready!
Kid Steve, Kid Lincoln, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, Kid Lunch Meat all try to carry the dead body in the sheet and drop it before they make it to the wishing well.
Kid Irene: Can't you guys do anything right! Leave this to me!
Using her powerful strength, Kid Irene picks up the dead body of Marcia still in the bed sheet and throws it down the well.
Kid Irene: Now THAT is how you get rid of a dead body!
Kid Lincoln: Thank god that's over! I never want to go through that again!
Kid Sheila: Hey wait! What if you dad comes back from AA?
Kid Lincoln: I'll just tell him Mom ran away to Egypt.
Kid Steve: Happy Gilmore reference!
Kid Glem: Let's all go home!
Kid Lunch Meat: And have fun wtih our playdate with Lincoln!
By the time the kids leave the wishing well area. It was already dark. Now they were lost in the woods.
Kid Sheila: SHIT! It's getting dark and we're far far away from Lincoln's house!
Kid Glem: Some fun playdate this turned out to be!
Scene 7:
The woods were dark and foggy. Kid Lincoln, Kid Steve, Kid Sheila, Kid Irene, Kid Glem, and Kid Lunch Meat wandered around nervously.
Kid Glem: I knew this was a bad idea! We're gonna get eaten by bears! Or wolves! Or bear-wolves!
Kid Irene: There is no such thing as a bear-wolf.
Kid Lunch Meat: There should be! That sounds awesome!
Kid Sheila: Can we PLEASE focus on getting home?!
A long, creepy moaning sound echoed through the woods.
Voice:
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
The kids all froze.
Kid Lincoln: Uh...guys?
Voice: Liiiiiiiincooooolnnnnnn...
Kid Steve: That voice sounds familiar.
Kid Lunch Meat: Maybe it's Bigfoot with indigestion!
Another moan echoed louder.
Voice: Braaaaaaains...
Branches snapped nearby.
Kid Glem: OH NO! SOMETHING'S COMING!
Suddenly, a figure stumbled out from behind the trees. It was Marcia Gumb. Her skin was pale green.Her hair was messy. Mud dripped from her clothes. Her eyes glowed strangely.
Zombie Marcia: LIIIIIIIINCOOOOOLN...You've been a bad little boy!!!!
Kid Lincoln: MOM'S A ZOMBIE!!!! (screams)
Zombie Marcia lunged toward them. All the kids screamed and ran.
Scene 8:
The kids ran wildly through the woods while Zombie Marcia chased them.
Zombie Marcia: You little bastards...You disobeyed and disrespect me!!!!!!
Kid Irene: WHY IS SHE STILL MEAN EVEN AS A ZOMBIE?!
Kid Steve: Stay calm! Panic leads to mistakes!
Kid Glem: WE'RE ALREADY MAKING MISTAKES!
Zombie Marcia grabbed Kid Steve by the shirt.
Kid Steve: UNHAND ME, YOU UNDEAD MENACE!
Coming to his friend's aid. Kid Lincoln pulled Kid Steve away just in time.
Kid Lincoln: Steve! Do something smart already!
Kid Steve: Wait a minute...(suddenly stopped running)
Kid Sheila: What?!
Kid Steve: Sheila has magic!
Kid Lincoln: He's right!
Kid Steve and Kid Lincoln together: SHEILA! USE YOUR MAGIC!
Gasped dramatically. As Sheila pulled out her wand
Kid Sheila: OF COURSE! (pulled out her wand.)
Kid Sheila: By the powers of rabbits, glitter, and David Copperfield...
Zombie Marcia: Braaaaaains...(stumbling closer)
Kid Sheila: ...I CAST THE SPELL OF UNDEAD SMELL!
A giant spark exploded from the wand. POOF! Pink smoke surrounded Zombie Marcia. Zombie Marcia stopped moving.
Kid Lunch Meat: Awesome! My turn!
Kid Steve: No! You'll ruin everything!
Kid Lunch Meat (grinning): Time to weaponize my digestive system!
Kid Irene: Oh no.
Beginning to tap dance furiously. Kid Lunch Meat puts his plan into action.
Kid Lunch Meat: Dance power activate!
Spun around rapidly. Kid Lunch Meat then goes PFFFFFFFFFFT!!!
A gigantic disgusting fart cloud blasted directly into Zombie Marcia's face. Zombie Marcia groaned in horror.
Zombie Marcia: UUUUUGGGGHHHHH...
The zombie glow vanished from her eyes. She blinked in confusion.
Marcia: ...Where am I?
Everyone stared silently. Marcia looked around nervously.
Marcia: Who are you children?
The kids all slowly looked at each other. Kid Steve smirked.
Kid Steve: Interesting.
Scene 9:
Later that night, the kids walked Marcia back home. Marcia looked confused but calm.
Marcia: So...I'm Lincoln's mother?
Kid Lincoln: Yep! And you're super nice! And you like having playdates with my friends at my house!
Marcia: I am?
Kid Sheila: Totally!
Kid Irene: You love kindness and respecting children.
Kid Glem: And you never scream at people!
Kid Lunch Meat: Or say bad words!
Marcia: Wow. I sound wonderful. (smiles warmly)
Kid Steve: And you always encourage imagination and fun.
Marcia: That sounds lovely.
Kid Lincoln (wiping tears): This is the nicest she's ever been.
Suddenly, Judge Gumb arrived home.
Judge: Honey! I'm back from AA!
Marcia (smiling sweetly): Welcome home, dear.
Judge (froze): ...Who are you and what have you done with my wife?
The kids nervously laughed.
Kid Steve: Long story, sir.
Judge (shrugging): Honestly? Improvement's improvement.
The kids all laughed together. Freeze frame on the smiling kids.
Epilogue Scene:
Many years later. An office in Las Vegas City Hall. Mayor George sat proudly behind a desk holding a manuscript.
The title read: "Strip Law Kids: Play Date Panic" Adult Steve sat across from him wearing a suit.
Mayor George: So what do you think, Steve? Pretty brilliant story, huh?
Looking over the story, Steve glances at what was written.
Steve: Absolutely not.
Mayor George (blinking) What?!
Steve: The story glorifies property damage, corpse disposal, and excessive flatulence.
Mayor George: But that's the FUN of it!
Steve (standing up) I am a lawyer! Not a publisher! I refuse to help publish this nonsense.
Mayor George (sadly): Rejected...again...
Steve (pointed to the door): Get out.
Mayor George (sighed) : This is worse than losing the election of '98...
As George slowly walked out, Steve gave him a look.
Steve (smirking slightly) ...Though the fart part was mildly amusing.
Mayor George (gasped happily): I KNEW IT!
THE END
Strip Law
Fanfic Title:
Strip Law Kids.
by: Trenton Sands
Note: All the characters in this will be known as Kid Lincoln, Kid Steve, etc.
Opening Credits Scene:
A school bus is waiting outside of a house. In the front door there was a Judge and Marcia Gumb sending their son Lincoln Gumb as a child off to school as he runs to the school bus. As the school bus departs. Irene, Sheila, and Glem as children were waving hello out of the window.
Scene changes and now it shows Lincoln and Steve running by and high fiving each other. Then a quick change and now Kid Sheila, Kid Irene, and Kid Lunch Meat dancing to music playing on a radio. Kid Lincoln and Kid Steve soon join them.
Another scene shows Kid Lincoln, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, Kid Irene and Kid Steve all sliding on a slide out of an ice cream store with ice cream and then find themselves on a bus stop.
Singer: Clark County! Clark County! Clark County Nevada! We are the Strip Law Kids!
The next scene now shows Kid Lincoln and Kid Glem living next door to each other mowing their lawns as Kid Steve, Kid Glem, Kid Sheila, and Kid Irene ride past them on roller skates, bikes, and skateboards.
Singer: Clark County! Clark County! Clark County Nevada! We are the Strip Law Kids!
Showing Kid Lincoln, Kid Irene, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, and Kid Steve one by one the singer of the theme song changing the lyrics.
Singer: In...The....State....of......Nevada! (scat singing) They're growing up in the Las Vegas Way! (scat singing)
Then the kids run around one by one.
Voice: Strip Law Kids Roll Call! Lincoln!
Kid Lincoln: I don't know how to be cool!
Voice: Steve!
Kid Steve: I follow every rule!
Voice: Sheila!
Kid Sheila: I love magic!
Voice: Glem!
Kid Glem: Feeling very spastic!
Voice: Irene!
Kid Irene: Totally strong and super smart!
Voice: Lunch Meat!
Kid Lunch Meat: I tap dance 'til I fart!
Now Kid Lincoln, Kid Irene, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, and Kid Steve were watching TV then are now seen playing on a school playground.
Singer: Clark County! Clark County! Clark County Nevada! We are the Strip Law Kids! (5x)
The opening credits end with Kid Lincoln, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, Kid Irene, Kid Steve walking out of the school. Then more shots of Kid Lincoln and Kid Steve playing. As well as Kid Irene, Kid Sheila and Kid Glem. Then shows the bullies Kevin and George. After a while it shows Kid Lincoln and Kid Glem filiming what looked like a movie, but it was the main kids standing on the Strip Law kids logo.
Scene 1:
A title card shows Kid Lincoln on a stage with a caption above that reads Play Date Panic.
Kid Lincoln: Today's episode....Play Date Panic!
A bunch of cars were dropping off some kids at a house. The house was the Gumb Residence. Home of their long time friend Lincoln Gumb. Surrounding the house were Kid Glem, Kid Sheila, Kid Steve, Kid Lunch Meat, and Kid Irene.
Kid Lunch Meat: Last play date was at my house.
Kid Sheila (rolls eyes): We know. All you need was make us help you perform for the dance contest.
Kid Glem: You're telling me. Hopefully, Lincoln has better ideas for a playdate.
Kid Steve: You know that's the thing. We never had a playdate at Lincoln's before.
Kid Irene: We've known him for so long we don't know how he likes to have fun.
Kid Glem (going to the door): Only one way to find out.
Ringing the doorbell, Kid Lincoln answers.
Kid Lincoln: Hey guys! I'm glad you could make it! Come on in!
All the kids walk into Kid Lincoln's house and he leads them all to his basement.
Kid Lunch Meat: Why the basement? Is there some dead bodies down there we can disect! (laughs)
Kid Sheila: Stop being so gross, Lunch Meat!
Kid Irene: Sometimes your jokes are worse than those bullies Kevin and George!
Now in the basement, Kid Lincoln looks at all his friends.
Kid Lincoln: So! What do we do first?
Kid Sheila: I know! I'll show you this cool new magic trick where I turn cards into mud!
Getting a magic wand, Kid Sheila throws a deck of cards on the wall and waving her wand, the cards turn into mud. Kid Lincoln, Kid Steve, Kid Glem, Kid Lunch Meat, and Kid Irene were all impressed.
Kid Lunch Meat: Wow! If I ever make it as a dancer! You can be my opening act!
Kid Lincoln: Oh look! The cards looks like they're racing each other!
Kid Glem: I don't know. This seems unsanitary.
Kid Lunch Meat: How about we play Dog Day Afternoon instead. (running into a laundry basket: Attica! Attica!
When the cards were slowly dripping down with the mud stuck on them. All the kids cheered, that was until Kid Steve stopped in front of the cards with mud dripping on the wall.
Kid Steve: Stop this at once! I'm telling your Mom, Lincoln!
Kid Lincoln: But why? I'm glad Sheila did this. Because before you guys came over. I didn't know how playdates work.
Kid Glem: Not fair! You are such a tattletale! You closet homo!
Kid Steve: I am not a tattletale! (muddy card lands on Steve's face)
A man who's head isn't shown walks into the room to check on the kids. It was a Judge.
Judge: Hello children? Are you being naughty?
All the kids respond with "NO". Kid Steve takes off the muddy card on his face and runs up to the judge!
Kid Steve: They threw mud on the walls. You should punish them with severe force! I know! Send them all to that prison in Stir Crazy!
Judge Gumb: Remember kids. Lying is wrong.
Kid Irene, Kid Sheila, Kid Lincoln, Kid Glem, and Kid Lunch Meat: We're sorry Mr Gumb.
Next to the Judge, Marcia Gumb walks into the basement.
Judge: Kids, this is my wife and Lincoln's mother. Marcia.
Marcia: Hi Lincoln, and Strip Law kids.
Judge: You guys all be good and do everything she tells you to. Okay?
Kid Lincoln: Where are you going, Dad?
Judge: I am going to court appointed Alcoholics Anonymous.
Marcia: Go on, honey! You don't want to be late....
Judge: Stop fucking rushing me you unemployed whore! (runs out of the room)
Scene 2:
Marcia Gumb looks at the kids with contempt. The kids all stare at her in fear.
Kid Irene (nervously): Uhhhh, so. Mrs Lincoln's mom. Do you want to play with us and use our imaginations?
Kid Sheila: We're not defiant! Honest!
Marcia (stomps her foot): Listen up you little bastards! As long as you're all in my house, all you assholes are going to stay in this fucking basement and do not get out until I say I can! Got it!
Kid Steve: Don't worry, Mrs Gumb. I'll patrol the hallway and make sure they stay put!
Kid Lincoln: Judas! Traitor!
Marcia: (to Kid Steve): Wow! What a mature young man you are! Following the rules. I wish Lincoln could be more like you. Spoken like a true ass kissing gentleman!
Kid Steve gives the middle finger and Marcia leave the room. The kids all contemplate on what they just witnessed.
Kid Lincoln: That son of a bitch Steve! Why do I ever hang out with him!
Kid Irene: I know right! Remember the time he snitched on us when we stole that subsitute teacher's bra!
Kid Glem: Don't remind me! We got a Saturday Detention like we were The Breakfast Club because of him!
Kid Lunch Meat: This is so stupid! I don't want to be stuck in this basement!
Kid Sheila: Me neither!
Kid Lincoln: Guys! We don't have to stay in the basement! I'm going to make this the best playdate ever! I got a plan!
Leading his friends over to a doll house. All the figurines resemble the Strip Law kids. Kid Lincoln explains his plot to destroy his mother.
Kid Lincoln (opens the dollhouse): OKay here's the plan. (To Kid Glem) Take it away, Glem!
Kid Glem: (points to a figurine who looks like Kid Steve): Since Steve is patrolling the hallways. At precisely 9:16, when Steve reaches this corner, I'll signal you guys like some horny drug dealer hopped up on Cialis!
Kid Sheila: OKay, then what?
Kid Glem: We give her the shocker!
Kid Lincoln: Good! How about you, Irene.
Kid Irene: We'll make his Mom come inside I'll cry even louder than Sean Penn when he was executed on Dead Man Walking!
Kid Sheila: Wait? Your parents let you watch movies about death row?
Kid Irene: I can handle it! I'm an A Student!
Kid Sheila uses her magic to build a trap as she put together every toy in the basement. Everything from blocks, plushies, barrel of monkey, and a toy firetruck about to go down a toy race track.
Kid Lincoln: Wow, Sheila! You are making my playdate with you guys really fun! Whatever will we do without you!
Kid Glem (at a closet): Filled this closet full of pillows.
Kid Lincoln: Good job, Glem. OKay Lunch Meat?
Kid Lunch Meat (looks at the toy firetruck): I don't think this is going to work, you guys. This truck is not lined up with the closet!
Kid Sheila, Kid Lincoln, Kid Glem, Kid Irene: And break!
Kid Lincoln ran to the basement door and opened it and waited for Kid Steve to go down the hall as he was marching.
Kid Glem (calls out): Oh shocker! The piggy action is what makes it so unique!
Kid Sheila (hides behind a teddy bear with Kid Irene): Mrs Gumb! You whore! And Tyrone! I paid you to kill her not fuck her!
Footsteps are heard from far away.
Scene 3:
Marcia Gumb barges into the room with excessive force. All the kids were hiding.
Kid Glem (sneezes and clears throat)
Marcia: Hey shitwads! I thought I told you to....
Under a cot, Kid Lunch Meat and Kid Lincoln pulled a string. Before Marcia knew it, she was tripping and falling all over the place thanks to the toy trap the kids had set. The plan goes awry when Marcia gets her feet tangled in a jump rope and falls over backwards on a rocking horse breaking her neck and dying. Marcia's nose was bleeding. All the kids stood in horror.
Kid Sheila (whining): Ooooh! We can't let Steve know about this!
Kid Lincoln (crying): Yes he's going to tell Daddy and we're going.....
Kid Glem (screaming): TO BE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE!!!!
Kid Irene: I might get grounded for a million years!
Kid Lunch Meat: I'm going to be in permanent time out!
The basement door opens. In comes Kid Steve who hears all the commotion.
Kid Steve: What's going on here!
Kid Lincoln: Uhhh, nothing!
Kid Steve (looks around): Don't sound like nothing!
Kid Irene (acts nervously): Just out of curiousity and not that we had anything to do with it. What exactly did you hear?
Kid Steve: I don't know. Crashing, falling, and screaming. If I had to take a guess. (points to Kid Glem): You happen to know anything about that!
Kid Glem: Nope! Don't look at me!
Kid Steve (marchs to Kid Sheila): How about you?
Kid Sheila: Uhhhhh....
Kid Steve: The buck stops here! I am not going to quit until I get to the bottom of this!
Kid Lunch Meat: He's acting like a cross between a gangster or a corrupt cop!
Kid Steve then sees Marcia dead with his neck cracked on the rocking horse.
Kid Lincoln (cries out): Oh no! He knows! He knows!
Kid Steve: See? This! This! This is what happens if you don't follow the fucking rules! Why did you guys do such a thing?
Kid Glem: We just didn't like the way she was treating us.
Kid Sheila: She wanted to imprison us down here. You heard her.
Kid Steve: Well, guess I'm just as involved in this as you guys are.
Kid Lunch Meat: You mean you're not mad at us?
Kid Steve: If you all want to avoid trouble. We're going to have to play Mr. Fix It!
Kid Irene: Like Pulp Fiction?
Kid Sheila: There you go again with the R rated movies! Those are NOT for kids!
Kid Steve: SHUT UP ALL OF YOU! Gather around and I'll tell you what to do.
Kid Lincoln, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, Kid Irene, and Kid Lunch Meat were all awaiting Kid Steve's orders.
Scene 4:
What was once a regular kid friendly basement was now a crime scene. Kid Steve was now in charge of helping get rid of the now dead Marcia Gumb.
Kid Steve: Not only do I follow the rules! I solve problems!
Kid Lincoln: Please! Tell us what to do to get rid of my dead mom! I want to be a lawyer some day! This will not look good on my permanent record!
Kid Steve: First up, we need to clean this blood stain. Sheila, this could be a good time for you do put that magic of yours into good use.
Conjuring a magic spell called Crimson Vanish, Sheila successfully cleans up the blood!
Kid Sheila: Done!
Kid Steve: Excellent. Lincoln. Get a huge bed sheet. And wrap it around your dead mother.
Going to the cot, Lincoln takes off the bedsheet and wraps it around his dead mom.
Kid Lincoln: Good thing my dad won't be back from AA for a while.
Kid Steve: Great job everyone! Now Glem lift the dead body and put it on a wagon.
Getting a wagon, Kid Glem lifts the wrapped corpse and places it inside.
Kid Steve: Irene, there's an exit to outside! Open the door.
Kid Irene opens the door and all the kids were pushing the wagon out of the house.
Kid Lincoln: We're outside. Hope nobody sees us!
Kid Steve: If they do, we'll tell people we're giving toys away for charity.
Kid Sheila: Thought people only did that on Christmas.
Kid Irene: Where are we going?
Kid Steve: I know where the nearest wishing well is. Its thirty minutes away. We can make it in ten.
Kid Glem: Hope I'm not out of breathe by the time we get there.
Kid Lunch Meat: Hey! How come you didn't ask to do anything?
Kid Steve: Because you'll just fuck everything up like you always do.
With Kid Steve in the lead. The kids were pulling the wagon to the wishing well.
Scene 5:
Walking down the neighborhood pulling the wagon. Hoping nobody sees them. Kid Lincoln, Kid Sheila, Kid Lunch Meat, Kid Irene, and Kid Glem go about their way. Trouble soon arises when they spot their bullies Kevin and George.
Kid Lunch Meat: Oh no! It's them! Our bullies! Kevin and George!
Kid Kevin and Kid George both spotted and walked up the ragtag crew. Glem hides behind the wagon.
Kid George: Hey Steve Naive and Lincdumb! Nice wagon there! What do you have under that sheet? A blow up doll!
Kid Kevin: Let's not forget Lunch Meat here! What a lame ass name! What are your parents names? Oscar and Meyer! (laughs)
Kid Lunch Meat: You gotta lot of nerve making fun of us the way you do!
Kid George: Irene! What score did you get on your GPA? a negative 5000?
Kid Irene: How would you guys like a knuckle sandwich? I also work out too!
Kid Lincoln: No! We're just giving something away for charity.
Kid Sheila: Yeah it's going to Goodwill!
Kid Kevin: Where you shop for your pathetic ass magic shit!
Kid George: I'm going to become mayor of Las Vegas and if I ever find out what's really under there, you're all dead! (laughs)
Kid Kevin: Have fun with your silly ass wagon game! George and I have better things to do than be seen with you losers!
George and Kevin high fived each other and walk away. Kid Steve, Kid Lincoln, Kid Irene, Kid Sheila, and Kid Glem all continued with their mission.
Kid Glem (comes out of hiding): They always call me Glem Glum. (sees wishing well) Hey look! It's the wishing well!
Kid Steve: Perfect timing! We'll dump the body in the well!
Kid Lincoln: Full speed ahead.
Reaching their destination, the kids have finally reached the wishing well.
Scene 6:
The kids were now at the wishing well. Kid Glem was looking around to see if people were watching them.
Kid Glem: Nobody around. I think we're good.
Kid Lincoln: OKay ready!
Kid Steve, Kid Lincoln, Kid Sheila, Kid Glem, Kid Lunch Meat all try to carry the dead body in the sheet and drop it before they make it to the wishing well.
Kid Irene: Can't you guys do anything right! Leave this to me!
Using her powerful strength, Kid Irene picks up the dead body of Marcia still in the bed sheet and throws it down the well.
Kid Irene: Now THAT is how you get rid of a dead body!
Kid Lincoln: Thank god that's over! I never want to go through that again!
Kid Sheila: Hey wait! What if you dad comes back from AA?
Kid Lincoln: I'll just tell him Mom ran away to Egypt.
Kid Steve: Happy Gilmore reference!
Kid Glem: Let's all go home!
Kid Lunch Meat: And have fun wtih our playdate with Lincoln!
By the time the kids leave the wishing well area. It was already dark. Now they were lost in the woods.
Kid Sheila: SHIT! It's getting dark and we're far far away from Lincoln's house!
Kid Glem: Some fun playdate this turned out to be!
Scene 7:
The woods were dark and foggy. Kid Lincoln, Kid Steve, Kid Sheila, Kid Irene, Kid Glem, and Kid Lunch Meat wandered around nervously.
Kid Glem: I knew this was a bad idea! We're gonna get eaten by bears! Or wolves! Or bear-wolves!
Kid Irene: There is no such thing as a bear-wolf.
Kid Lunch Meat: There should be! That sounds awesome!
Kid Sheila: Can we PLEASE focus on getting home?!
A long, creepy moaning sound echoed through the woods.
Voice:
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...
The kids all froze.
Kid Lincoln: Uh...guys?
Voice: Liiiiiiiincooooolnnnnnn...
Kid Steve: That voice sounds familiar.
Kid Lunch Meat: Maybe it's Bigfoot with indigestion!
Another moan echoed louder.
Voice: Braaaaaaains...
Branches snapped nearby.
Kid Glem: OH NO! SOMETHING'S COMING!
Suddenly, a figure stumbled out from behind the trees. It was Marcia Gumb. Her skin was pale green.Her hair was messy. Mud dripped from her clothes. Her eyes glowed strangely.
Zombie Marcia: LIIIIIIIINCOOOOOLN...You've been a bad little boy!!!!
Kid Lincoln: MOM'S A ZOMBIE!!!! (screams)
Zombie Marcia lunged toward them. All the kids screamed and ran.
Scene 8:
The kids ran wildly through the woods while Zombie Marcia chased them.
Zombie Marcia: You little bastards...You disobeyed and disrespect me!!!!!!
Kid Irene: WHY IS SHE STILL MEAN EVEN AS A ZOMBIE?!
Kid Steve: Stay calm! Panic leads to mistakes!
Kid Glem: WE'RE ALREADY MAKING MISTAKES!
Zombie Marcia grabbed Kid Steve by the shirt.
Kid Steve: UNHAND ME, YOU UNDEAD MENACE!
Coming to his friend's aid. Kid Lincoln pulled Kid Steve away just in time.
Kid Lincoln: Steve! Do something smart already!
Kid Steve: Wait a minute...(suddenly stopped running)
Kid Sheila: What?!
Kid Steve: Sheila has magic!
Kid Lincoln: He's right!
Kid Steve and Kid Lincoln together: SHEILA! USE YOUR MAGIC!
Gasped dramatically. As Sheila pulled out her wand
Kid Sheila: OF COURSE! (pulled out her wand.)
Kid Sheila: By the powers of rabbits, glitter, and David Copperfield...
Zombie Marcia: Braaaaaains...(stumbling closer)
Kid Sheila: ...I CAST THE SPELL OF UNDEAD SMELL!
A giant spark exploded from the wand. POOF! Pink smoke surrounded Zombie Marcia. Zombie Marcia stopped moving.
Kid Lunch Meat: Awesome! My turn!
Kid Steve: No! You'll ruin everything!
Kid Lunch Meat (grinning): Time to weaponize my digestive system!
Kid Irene: Oh no.
Beginning to tap dance furiously. Kid Lunch Meat puts his plan into action.
Kid Lunch Meat: Dance power activate!
Spun around rapidly. Kid Lunch Meat then goes PFFFFFFFFFFT!!!
A gigantic disgusting fart cloud blasted directly into Zombie Marcia's face. Zombie Marcia groaned in horror.
Zombie Marcia: UUUUUGGGGHHHHH...
The zombie glow vanished from her eyes. She blinked in confusion.
Marcia: ...Where am I?
Everyone stared silently. Marcia looked around nervously.
Marcia: Who are you children?
The kids all slowly looked at each other. Kid Steve smirked.
Kid Steve: Interesting.
Scene 9:
Later that night, the kids walked Marcia back home. Marcia looked confused but calm.
Marcia: So...I'm Lincoln's mother?
Kid Lincoln: Yep! And you're super nice! And you like having playdates with my friends at my house!
Marcia: I am?
Kid Sheila: Totally!
Kid Irene: You love kindness and respecting children.
Kid Glem: And you never scream at people!
Kid Lunch Meat: Or say bad words!
Marcia: Wow. I sound wonderful. (smiles warmly)
Kid Steve: And you always encourage imagination and fun.
Marcia: That sounds lovely.
Kid Lincoln (wiping tears): This is the nicest she's ever been.
Suddenly, Judge Gumb arrived home.
Judge: Honey! I'm back from AA!
Marcia (smiling sweetly): Welcome home, dear.
Judge (froze): ...Who are you and what have you done with my wife?
The kids nervously laughed.
Kid Steve: Long story, sir.
Judge (shrugging): Honestly? Improvement's improvement.
The kids all laughed together. Freeze frame on the smiling kids.
Epilogue Scene:
Many years later. An office in Las Vegas City Hall. Mayor George sat proudly behind a desk holding a manuscript.
The title read: "Strip Law Kids: Play Date Panic" Adult Steve sat across from him wearing a suit.
Mayor George: So what do you think, Steve? Pretty brilliant story, huh?
Looking over the story, Steve glances at what was written.
Steve: Absolutely not.
Mayor George (blinking) What?!
Steve: The story glorifies property damage, corpse disposal, and excessive flatulence.
Mayor George: But that's the FUN of it!
Steve (standing up) I am a lawyer! Not a publisher! I refuse to help publish this nonsense.
Mayor George (sadly): Rejected...again...
Steve (pointed to the door): Get out.
Mayor George (sighed) : This is worse than losing the election of '98...
As George slowly walked out, Steve gave him a look.
Steve (smirking slightly) ...Though the fart part was mildly amusing.
Mayor George (gasped happily): I KNEW IT!
THE END
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