Categories > Cartoons > Strip Law

Lincoln and Steve get way too competitive with each other. That leads to a stay in a failing hotel.

Category: Strip Law - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Humor - Warnings: [V] - Published: 2026-05-13 - 2240 words - Complete
0Unrated
Been on a roll with these Strip Law fanfics. Hopefully other fans of the show will follow suit!


Strip Law


Fanfic Title:


Yorba Trap


by: Trenton Sands


Scene 1:


The sun shines on Lincoln Gumb, who is adjusting his tie like he just won a Nobel Prize. Steve Nichols stands next to him, looking like he just swallowed a lemon.


Lincoln: And that, Steve, is why you never accuse a firefighter of arson-murder when my client has an airtight alibi of being at a "Cat Lovers Anonymous" meeting. Court dismissed!


Steve: You got lucky, Gumb. That jury had the collective IQ of a toaster.


Lincoln: Don't be a salty dog. I’m feeling lucky. In fact, I’m feeling "Royal Flush" lucky.


Steve: Is that a challenge? Poker. Tonight. My place. If I win, you do exactly what I say for twenty-four hours.


Lincoln: (Smirks) Get your checkbook ready, Steve. I haven't lost a hand since the Bush administration.


Steve and Lincoln head over to his car and drive to his place for a game of poker.


Lincoln: Be ready to have a Teddy KGB style tantrum!


Steve: What does that mean?


Lincoln: Never seen Rounders?




Scene 2:


Now at Steve's place. Lincoln stares at his cards. He has a pair of twos. Steve looks bored.


Steve: All in.


Lincoln (Sweating profusely) I call! I... I have... two deuces!


Steve: (Flips cards) Full house. Read ‘em and weep, Better Call Saul wannabe.


Lincoln: (Collapsing) No! My dignity! My mediocre legal reputation!


Steve: Relax. I don’t want your money. I want you and that thumb-shaped friend of yours, Glem, to check into The Hotel Yorba. It’s a dump on 12th Street. Stay one night, or I report your "legal expenses" to the Bar Association.


Lincoln: Okay! I'll need to have someone go with me.


Going to his cellphone, Lincoln calls Glem.


Glem (on the other end): Hello?


Lincoln: Hey, Glem. This is going to come off sounding crazy but I just lost a poker bet to Steve.


Glem: As I recall you and him are getting too competitive lately.


Lincoln: Steve now wants me to stay at that failing hotel called Yorba. Would you like to come with me.


Glem: All right. I got nothing else to do. Hopefully it'll be like staying at the Grand Budapest Hotel.


Lincoln: Thanks so much! You're a good friend.


Glem: We can write a review on Yelp if out experience there sucks! (laughs)


Lincoln: See you there, bye.


Glem: Bye.


Steve: You're making the right choice here! Or you know what will happen if you don't....


Lincoln: Shut up, Steve!



Leaving Steve's house. Lincoln goes back home to prepare for this end of the bargain.





Scene 3:


The lobby looks like a set from The Shining if the hotel had a budget of five dollars. Glem Blorchman is sniffing a moth-eaten curtain. The Manager, a hunched man with a twitchy eye, rings a bell. Something is oddly familiar about this Manager.



Manager: Welcome. That’ll be $500 for the room. $50 for the oxygen. $20 for the "Golden Hour" sunshine hitting the carpet.



Lincoln: Sunshine? It’s midnight!


Manager: Premium midnight moon-shine. Pay up.


Lincoln: Listen, Mr. Bates, my friend and I are a bit short. Give me an hour to... "liquidate some assets."


Manager: Nope! Not gonna happen!


Glem: We're just here for a night and my friend here lost a bet. How in the world can we come up with the money to pay for the bill?


Lincoln: Nobody pays that much money to just stay for a night!


Manager: All right then! You leave me no choice!


Blowing a whistle, the Manager summons a bunch of people dressed as ninjas armed with nunchucks and swords.


Glem: What the FUCK!!!!


Lincoln: We're lawyers! Not warriors!


Manager: If you want to leave without playing, try fighting off these ninjas!


Glem: How in the hell are we supposed to defend ourselves against this!


Lincoln: Two against The Seven Samarai isn't fair!


Manager: NINJAS ATTACK! You two must fight these ninjas! In Mortal Kombat! (laughs evilly)


The Mortal Kombat movie theme plays. The Ninjas begin to swarm around Lincoln and Glem.


Lincoln: SHIT!


Glem: FUCK!


The ninjas keep chasing Lincoln and Glem and block their paths. Then Lincoln and Glem have a plan.


Lincoln: If only Irene was here! She'd take on these oriental assholes!


Glem: Say, I know. Let's tire them out!


Lincoln: How do we do that!


Glem: We'll dodge their attacks.


Lincoln: All right.


So Glem and Lincoln avoid the Ninja's moves. This eventually makes the ninjas want to give up.


Ninja #1: These guys are too pussy for us!


Ninja #2: Let's try to find someone worthy of fighting!


Ninja #3: These wimps aren't worth the salt in our shit! Let's go.


Lincoln and Glem breath a sigh of relief as the Ninjas retreat.





SCENE 4:

Moments later. In the interior. Lincoln and Glem are frantic. The room is a death trap.


Lincoln: We’re getting out of here. This place makes the Bates Motel look like a Four Seasons.


They bolt for the door, but the Manager is right there.


Lincoln: (Outraged) Are you challenging my integrity, sir?!


Manager: (Slaps Lincoln with a room service card) I’m challenging your credit score!


Lincoln: That's it! No more Mr Nice Guy!



The song Nothing Left To Say But Goodbye by Audioslave plays. Lincoln pulls a white glove out of his pocket. It has a heavy, metallic bulge. CLANG! He slaps the Manager across the face with the hidden horseshoe. They scramble for the elevator.


The doors slide open. The Manager is already inside, holding a bill.


Manager: Going down? To collections?


Lincoln: What is it with this man! Is he an anti Visa card!


Glem: Yeah! He's Everywhere We Don't Want Him To Be!


He shoves them back into the room. He begins ramming the door with a massive metal rod like he’s in The Terminator.


Glem: I got this!


Grabbing the edge of the hallway rug and yanks. Glem makes the Manager trip. The Manager yelps, tumbling backward down a spiral staircase that seems to go on forever. THUD. CRASH. "MY LEG!"


Lincoln: He’s down! Let’s go!


They reach the stairs, but the Manager is lying at the bottom, twisted. Then, he winks. It was a ruse! He springs up like a horror movie villain.


Manager: That’s another $10,000 for "Emotional Distress" and "Unauthorized use of Gravity!"


Lincoln and Glem run into a room, and slam the door in the Manager's face.


Glem: Hopefully that'll be the last we'll see of him!


Lincoln: I've always known Steve had a sadistic side but never quite like this!


A security guard and an old man who looked like he was from the Mediveal era walk up to Lincoln and Glem.


Glem: What now!


Lincoln: Let me guess you guys are on the Manager's side, right?


Security Guard: Well that depends.


Glem: What's with the knight and shining armour get up?


Knight: I've been waiting here for thousands of years for someone to find the Holy Grail. Which one is it? You guys must choose!


The Knight shows them a bunch of exotic looking goblets.


Security Guard: If you choose the right one, you guys can leave without paying.


Lincoln: I should brush up on my dark ages history.


Glem: This is like Sophie's Choice only with goblets.


Looking at the goblets trying to find what the holy grail looked like. The security guard goes to a goblet with jewels on it. Then proceeds to pour holy water in the goblet


Security Guard: Ha ha! Mother fuckers! I'm getting out of here without paying and not to mention getting a huge paycheck out of this.


Lincoln: If that's the real Grail we're fucked.


Glem: Tell me something I don't know.


The Security Guard drinks the holy water from the jeweled goblet. Lets out a content sigh. Then begins to feel like he's in pain. Slowly and surely his body rots from the inside out. Lincoln and Glem both scream.


Security Guard: WHAT'S HAPPENING TO ME!!!!


Glem: He's turning into Max Headroom!


Lincoln: More like Beetlejuice if he was a rotting corpse!


The Security Guard rotted away into a skeleton until he turned into dust.


Knight: He has chose....poorly!


Glem: I just remembered! The holy grail is over there!


Lincoln: How do you know?


Glem: Last Crusade is my favorite Indiana Jones movie.


Lincoln: Why didn't you think about that before?


Glem: Took me a while to remember okay? I sort of did some speed when I was a drummer for Bikini Kill!


Taking the real holy grail, Glem fills it with holy water and he and Lincoln both take a sip.


Knight: They have chose......wisely! You both may go!


The door opens and Lincoln and Glem were running out. Song ends.



Scene 5:


Still trying to strategize how to get out of the hotel. Lincoln and Glem were brainstorming ideas.


Glem: We need to beat Steve at his own game.


Lincoln: Say I got it! Let's tie some hotel towels together and escape that way.


Glem: Sounds like a crazy idea but it just might work!


Going to a janitor's closet. Lincoln and Glem were tying a bunch of hotel towels together to form a ladder. Lincoln and Glem are now on a rope made of crusty hotel towels.


Lincoln: We’ll swing to the building next door! Like Spider-Man, but with more lawsuits!


Suddenly, a lit match flies out of a nearby sewage vent, igniting the towels.


Lincoln and Glem (Screaming) AHHHHHH!


They fall backward through the window, landing perfectly in a porcelain bathtub. The Manager appears, hammering boards over the windows and door.


Manager: No vacancy. No exit. No mercy.


Lincoln: (Grabbing his phone) That’s it. I’m calling in the heavy hitters.



Scene 6:



Still in the bathtub, Lincoln goes to his cellphone.


Lincoln: That's it! I've had it with this bet!


Glem: What are you doing?


Lincoln: Calling for some backup that's what!


Glem: Maybe you shouldn't cheat. Steve will never let you hear the end of it.


Lincoln: He said nothing about getting out of the bet as I recall.


On his cellphone. Lincoln calls Sheila who was doing a magic show with Irene as her assistant. The audience cheers and Sheila hears her cellphone ring.


Irene: Sheila! The phone's ringing!


Sheila: Just a minute, my adoring fans!


The cellphone call was one sided.


Sheila: Hello? Lincoln? You're where! Okay, I'll be right over!


Irene: What is it?


Sheila: Lincoln and Glem are stuck at the Hotel Yorba! They need our help! (to the audience) I'm afraid I'll have to end this show right here. You've all been a lovely audience until next time!


The audience moans in disapointment as they all leave. Sheila and Irene were still on stage.


Irene: How are we going to get there?


Sheila: Good thing I know how to summon portals!


Irene: Like that show Sliders?


Sheila: Not really. More like the sequel to Now You See Me!


Irene: OKay!


Using her portal magic ability. Sheila steps out, looking annoyed. Irene follows, cracking her knuckles.


Sheila: Lincoln, if this isn't about a demon possession, you’re paying me in diamonds.


Irene: Which one do I punch, Uncle Linc?


Lincoln: (Muffled, from inside) THE WHOLE BUILDING!


Raises her hands. Sheila makes a Purple energy swirls.


Sheila: Abra-ka-collapse!


Irene sprints forward and delivers a "Hulk Smash" to the foundation. The Hotel Yorba groans and partially implodes. The Manager stumbles out of the dust, his mask falling off. It’s Lunch Meat.


Lunch Meat: Curses! I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you meddling lawyers!


Pulls up in his sports car, Steve's jaw dropped.


Steve: What the—? You leveled the hotel?


Lincoln: (Dusting himself off) Technically, it was a "controlled demolition for safety reasons." Which means... I survived the night, Steve. You lost the bet.


Steve: Fine. What’s the forfeit? A year of free legal research?


Lincoln: (Grinning) Actually, I’ve got a "Happy Meal" with your name on it.


Sheila: Lincoln and Glem told me everything! I had to give up a magic show because of you Steve!


Irene: Get me a Big Mac and a large fry!


Glem: Thank heavens it all over! (To Lincoln) Don't ever drag me into your nonsense with Steve ever again.


Lincoln: Thanks for being there. Don't worry. I don't think Steve and I will be placing bets with each other for a while!






Scene 7 Conclusion:



Steve Nichols is wearing a paper hat that is slightly too small. He looks miserable.



Customer: The ice cream machine is broken.


Then another customer resembling William Foster the character Michael Douglas played in Falling Down comes to the counter.


Steve: (Clenching teeth) I know it's broken, sir. It’s a metaphor for my life. Would you like to embiggen your fries for fifty cents?


Costumer #2: See, this is what I'm talking about. Turn around, look at that… You see what I mean? It's plump, it's juicy, it's three inches thick. Now look at this sorry, miserable, squashed thing. Can anybody tell me what's wrong with this picture?


Steve: Oh God! I have to put up with this for a month! Curse you, LINCOLN GUMB!!!


In the window, Lincoln, Glem, Sheila, and Irene drive by in a limo, laughing. Lincoln holds up a "World’s Best Lawyer" mug.





THE END
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