Categories > Cartoons > Paradise PD
Two Simpsons and Family Guy segments done with the characters from Paradise PD.
0Unrated
Steamed Hams from the Simpsons only with Kevin and Dusty. The Legion of DOOOOOOM have a vomit contest a'la Family Guy.
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title:
Steamed Clam Chowder
By: Hailey Sands
Part One:
One fine day in Paradise. Dusty Marlow was going over to the Crawford house where Randall and Kevin resided. Randall was at work, and Kevin was home. Dusty rings the doorbell with a champagne bottle in his hands. Kevin answers in an apron.
Dusty: Well, Kevin. I made it. Despite your directions.
Kevin: Sure, Dusty Marlow! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
Leading Dusty to the kitchen table. Kevin has Dusty sit down.
Dust: Sure am! (places the champagne bottle in a bucket of ice.)
Walking into the kitchen. Kevin sees smoke coming out of the oven. Then opens the oven door and sees the ham is on fire.
Kevin: Oh FUCKING Egads! My ham is ruined!
Stepping away from the oven, Kevin sees a Gooby Goopers restaurant across the street from his house.
Kevin: But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking! (laughs) Delightfully devilish, Kevin! Dusty's a dumbass anyway! He won't know the difference.
Taking off his apron and opening the window to go to Goopy Goopers. Kevin tries to sneak out, and Dusty walks into the kitchen and stops him.
Dusty: Uhhhh....(looks at Kevin in confusion)
A sitcom like theme song plays with clips from episodes of season 1 of Paradise PD go by. A title card that reads KEVIN AND DUSTY.
Singer: Kevin Crawford and his Crazy Explainations! Dusty Marlow's Gonna Need His Medication! When He Hears Kevin's Lame Exaggerations, There's Be A Shit Load Of Trouble In Town Tonight!
Dusty (yelling): KE-VIN!!!!
Kevin: Dusty Marlow? I was just......uhhh, stretching my ass muscles on this window sill! Isomentic excercise! Care to join me?
Dusty: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Kevin?
Kevin (giggles nervously): Ohh, my! hee hee! That isn't smoke! It's steam! For the steamed clams we're going to be having! Mmmm! Steamed clams!
Dusty walks out of the kitchen. Seemingly fell for Kevin's lie. Sighing a breath of relief. Kevin now gets his chance to climb out the window. Kevin runs to Goopy Goopers! Dusty sits at the kitchen table waiting impatiently. Kevin comes into the kitchen with a serving tray full of hamburgers that he hopes to pass off as steamed clams. Dusty puts a bib on himself.
Kevin: Dusty! I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!
Dusty: Cheese and tatters! I thought we were having steamed clams!
Kevin: No! No! I said steamed HAMS! That's what I call hamburgers!
Dusty: You call hamburgers steamed hams?
Kevin: Yes! It's a what is that word.....I know! A regional dialect!
Dusty: Uhhhh, what region?
Kevin: Uhhhhh, upstate Atlanta?
Dusty: Really? Well I'm from Dahlonega and I never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams.
Kevin: Oh no! Not in Dahlonega! It's an Blairsville expression.
Dusty: I see.
Kevin and Dusty eat the hamburgers and drink the champagne. Dusty then sees something is off.
Dusty (opens hamburger): You know, these hamburgers look familiar! Like that ones from Goopy Goopers!
Kevin (laughs): No (cracks up) These are Crawford burgers! It's an old family recipe!
Dusty: For steamed hams!
Kevin: Hit the nail on the head!
Dusty: You call them steamed hams despite the fact as any brainless sumbitch can see they're obviously grilled! (shows Kevin the grill marks on his burger.)
Kevin: You know.....one thing I....
The kitchen was smoking because Kevin didn't turn off the oven. Kevin notices this right away.
Kevin (gets up) Excuse me for a second! (runs into the kitchen)
Dusty: Of course!
Not noticing the kitchen was on fire, Dusty checks his watch. Then Kevin comes back from the ktichen, that was now on fire.
Kevin: Well, then! This was wonderful! Great time had by all. I'm pooped!
Dusty (gets up) Yes I should be going. (notices the fire) Sweet Mama Jesus what is happening in there!
Kevin: Geminids?! Or maybe Leonids? Or some other scientific terms for a meteor shower?!
Dusty: Geminids! Fucking Geminids?! At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely in your kitchen!
Kevin: YES!
Dusty: Can i see it?
Kevin: No.
Dusty walks out of the Crawford house. Kevin follows Dusty him out. Karen upstairs screams.
Karen: Kevin! The house is on fire!
Kevin: No Mom! It's just the Northern Lights!
Dusty: Well, Kevin. You are a ball busting fellow. But you steam a good ham!
Kevin gives a thumbs up as Dusty walks away from his house which was engulfed with flames.
Karen: HHHEEELLLLPPPP! HHHHHEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP!
Part Two:
In the Dippin' Dots Building Living Room. Fitz, Frank, Pedro and Marcos were all sitting on 2 different couches.
Fitz: All right Legion of DOOOOOOM! After that drug trade we all did. I have an annoucement!
Holding a bottle of ipecac in his hands, Fitz explains some rules of a game they were about to play.
Fitz: You listening? Okay! You guys I got eight crates of Ipecac from Dr Funtlicher......
Frank, Pedro, and Marcos were looking at Fitz with shock.
Fitz: Whoever goes the longest without puking gets the last piece of steak in the fridge. Ready? (throws bottles to Frank, Pedro and Marcos)
Frank, Pedro, and Marcos had caught the ipecac bottles. Then, Fitz, Frank, Pedro, and Marcos all drink the ipecac!
Fitz: (finshes drinking): OKay. How is everybody doing?
Marcos: Santa Maria! Good so far!
Fitz: All right all right!
Pedro: Nothing yet, puto!
Fitz: Cool Cool! You know. I don't know if you guys have had any of that pie already. That is some, some tasty stuff! That is from the grocery store that Thester.... (vomits out a waterfall)
Pedro: Yes! One down! I know somebody who won't be having any..... (vomits out a waterfall)
Marcos: I'm starting to feel funny!
Frank: Well I feel fine. I guess I'm gonna (vomits up a waterfall)
Marcos: Yes Yes yes! In your face bitches! I win! That means I get to eat (vomits up a waterfall)
Pedro: Oh shit! Oh fucking shit! why didn't anybody tell me (vomits)
Fitz: Fuck my ass up! My insides are on fire (vomits)
Pedro (pleaded): No please! No please! No more! No more! No.... (vomits)
Marcos: For the first time in my criminal life Fitz! I'm scared! (vomits)
Frank: Get the phone! Call 9-1....(vomits)
Fitz (sickly voice): Thester! Thester get in here! (vomits) falls over.
Frank: Okay okay. I think it's all gone. I think it's (vomits)
Pedro (rocking back and forth): I don't wanna! I don't wanna (vomits)
Fitz gets up and Frank stands on the couch.
Frank: Fitz! I need you to hold my fins and (vomits)
Fitz (holds onto Frank's fins): Okay what now...(vomits)
Vomit from Fitz, Frank, Marcos, and Pedro had covered the Dippin Dot's building living room from floor to ceiling. The four men were crawling all over the living room in horrible pain. Thester walks in with a steaming pot.
Thester: Cheerio gentlemen! Who wants Clam Chowder!
Fitz, Frank, Pedro, and Marcos: (vomit in unison)
Thester (scoffs): Forget the Legion of DOOOOOM! You guys are the Legion of PUUUUUUUKE! (does his 'evil' laugh)
THE END
Paradise PD
Fanfic Title:
Steamed Clam Chowder
By: Hailey Sands
Part One:
One fine day in Paradise. Dusty Marlow was going over to the Crawford house where Randall and Kevin resided. Randall was at work, and Kevin was home. Dusty rings the doorbell with a champagne bottle in his hands. Kevin answers in an apron.
Dusty: Well, Kevin. I made it. Despite your directions.
Kevin: Sure, Dusty Marlow! Welcome! I hope you're prepared for an unforgettable luncheon!
Leading Dusty to the kitchen table. Kevin has Dusty sit down.
Dust: Sure am! (places the champagne bottle in a bucket of ice.)
Walking into the kitchen. Kevin sees smoke coming out of the oven. Then opens the oven door and sees the ham is on fire.
Kevin: Oh FUCKING Egads! My ham is ruined!
Stepping away from the oven, Kevin sees a Gooby Goopers restaurant across the street from his house.
Kevin: But what if I were to purchase fast food and disguise it as my own cooking! (laughs) Delightfully devilish, Kevin! Dusty's a dumbass anyway! He won't know the difference.
Taking off his apron and opening the window to go to Goopy Goopers. Kevin tries to sneak out, and Dusty walks into the kitchen and stops him.
Dusty: Uhhhh....(looks at Kevin in confusion)
A sitcom like theme song plays with clips from episodes of season 1 of Paradise PD go by. A title card that reads KEVIN AND DUSTY.
Singer: Kevin Crawford and his Crazy Explainations! Dusty Marlow's Gonna Need His Medication! When He Hears Kevin's Lame Exaggerations, There's Be A Shit Load Of Trouble In Town Tonight!
Dusty (yelling): KE-VIN!!!!
Kevin: Dusty Marlow? I was just......uhhh, stretching my ass muscles on this window sill! Isomentic excercise! Care to join me?
Dusty: Why is there smoke coming out of your oven, Kevin?
Kevin (giggles nervously): Ohh, my! hee hee! That isn't smoke! It's steam! For the steamed clams we're going to be having! Mmmm! Steamed clams!
Dusty walks out of the kitchen. Seemingly fell for Kevin's lie. Sighing a breath of relief. Kevin now gets his chance to climb out the window. Kevin runs to Goopy Goopers! Dusty sits at the kitchen table waiting impatiently. Kevin comes into the kitchen with a serving tray full of hamburgers that he hopes to pass off as steamed clams. Dusty puts a bib on himself.
Kevin: Dusty! I hope you're ready for mouthwatering hamburgers!
Dusty: Cheese and tatters! I thought we were having steamed clams!
Kevin: No! No! I said steamed HAMS! That's what I call hamburgers!
Dusty: You call hamburgers steamed hams?
Kevin: Yes! It's a what is that word.....I know! A regional dialect!
Dusty: Uhhhh, what region?
Kevin: Uhhhhh, upstate Atlanta?
Dusty: Really? Well I'm from Dahlonega and I never heard anyone use the phrase steamed hams.
Kevin: Oh no! Not in Dahlonega! It's an Blairsville expression.
Dusty: I see.
Kevin and Dusty eat the hamburgers and drink the champagne. Dusty then sees something is off.
Dusty (opens hamburger): You know, these hamburgers look familiar! Like that ones from Goopy Goopers!
Kevin (laughs): No (cracks up) These are Crawford burgers! It's an old family recipe!
Dusty: For steamed hams!
Kevin: Hit the nail on the head!
Dusty: You call them steamed hams despite the fact as any brainless sumbitch can see they're obviously grilled! (shows Kevin the grill marks on his burger.)
Kevin: You know.....one thing I....
The kitchen was smoking because Kevin didn't turn off the oven. Kevin notices this right away.
Kevin (gets up) Excuse me for a second! (runs into the kitchen)
Dusty: Of course!
Not noticing the kitchen was on fire, Dusty checks his watch. Then Kevin comes back from the ktichen, that was now on fire.
Kevin: Well, then! This was wonderful! Great time had by all. I'm pooped!
Dusty (gets up) Yes I should be going. (notices the fire) Sweet Mama Jesus what is happening in there!
Kevin: Geminids?! Or maybe Leonids? Or some other scientific terms for a meteor shower?!
Dusty: Geminids! Fucking Geminids?! At this time of year! At this time of day! In this part of the country! Localized entirely in your kitchen!
Kevin: YES!
Dusty: Can i see it?
Kevin: No.
Dusty walks out of the Crawford house. Kevin follows Dusty him out. Karen upstairs screams.
Karen: Kevin! The house is on fire!
Kevin: No Mom! It's just the Northern Lights!
Dusty: Well, Kevin. You are a ball busting fellow. But you steam a good ham!
Kevin gives a thumbs up as Dusty walks away from his house which was engulfed with flames.
Karen: HHHEEELLLLPPPP! HHHHHEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPP!
Part Two:
In the Dippin' Dots Building Living Room. Fitz, Frank, Pedro and Marcos were all sitting on 2 different couches.
Fitz: All right Legion of DOOOOOOM! After that drug trade we all did. I have an annoucement!
Holding a bottle of ipecac in his hands, Fitz explains some rules of a game they were about to play.
Fitz: You listening? Okay! You guys I got eight crates of Ipecac from Dr Funtlicher......
Frank, Pedro, and Marcos were looking at Fitz with shock.
Fitz: Whoever goes the longest without puking gets the last piece of steak in the fridge. Ready? (throws bottles to Frank, Pedro and Marcos)
Frank, Pedro, and Marcos had caught the ipecac bottles. Then, Fitz, Frank, Pedro, and Marcos all drink the ipecac!
Fitz: (finshes drinking): OKay. How is everybody doing?
Marcos: Santa Maria! Good so far!
Fitz: All right all right!
Pedro: Nothing yet, puto!
Fitz: Cool Cool! You know. I don't know if you guys have had any of that pie already. That is some, some tasty stuff! That is from the grocery store that Thester.... (vomits out a waterfall)
Pedro: Yes! One down! I know somebody who won't be having any..... (vomits out a waterfall)
Marcos: I'm starting to feel funny!
Frank: Well I feel fine. I guess I'm gonna (vomits up a waterfall)
Marcos: Yes Yes yes! In your face bitches! I win! That means I get to eat (vomits up a waterfall)
Pedro: Oh shit! Oh fucking shit! why didn't anybody tell me (vomits)
Fitz: Fuck my ass up! My insides are on fire (vomits)
Pedro (pleaded): No please! No please! No more! No more! No.... (vomits)
Marcos: For the first time in my criminal life Fitz! I'm scared! (vomits)
Frank: Get the phone! Call 9-1....(vomits)
Fitz (sickly voice): Thester! Thester get in here! (vomits) falls over.
Frank: Okay okay. I think it's all gone. I think it's (vomits)
Pedro (rocking back and forth): I don't wanna! I don't wanna (vomits)
Fitz gets up and Frank stands on the couch.
Frank: Fitz! I need you to hold my fins and (vomits)
Fitz (holds onto Frank's fins): Okay what now...(vomits)
Vomit from Fitz, Frank, Marcos, and Pedro had covered the Dippin Dot's building living room from floor to ceiling. The four men were crawling all over the living room in horrible pain. Thester walks in with a steaming pot.
Thester: Cheerio gentlemen! Who wants Clam Chowder!
Fitz, Frank, Pedro, and Marcos: (vomit in unison)
Thester (scoffs): Forget the Legion of DOOOOOM! You guys are the Legion of PUUUUUUUKE! (does his 'evil' laugh)
THE END
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