FicWad

'Gggguuuuugghhh...' Nami's head hurts as her mind wakes from its artificial slumber.



Her body feels heavy as lead, her senses as sluggish as a cave fish. She has obviously had more unwelcome awakenings, but this is definitely one of her worst hangovers.

​

At least she doesn't feel as cold anymore.

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A chilling artificial breeze travels across her skin, sending her goosebumps on end.



Scratch that. She feels just as cold.

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She opens her eyes, hoping to make sense of her surroundings, only to find a bright, blinding light directed directly into her line of sight.

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'Eegh!'

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Right in the eyes? Come on! Okay Nami. Use your other senses.

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The loud noise of cycling air through narrow vents.

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The overpowering smell of disinfectant and dried blood.

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The feeling of a cold breeze on her skin. All over her skin.

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...and she's naked. She’s been stripped naked by someone or something. Clucking perfect. Now someone has to die.

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Bracing herself, she opens her eyes. She resists the urge to close them against the blinding lamp above her and takes in the room surrounding her.

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Metal boxes filled with flashing lights and spitting out spools of marked paper. Simplistic metal shelves filled with beakers, tools, and bubbling vials are scattered about. She is lying down on a similar metal table, her hands and legs strapped down to the railing with thick leather belts. A solid, electronically locked steel door is to her north, with no other way in or out. All throughout the room, she can hear the soft clanking of arcane machinery and sparking wires carrying out tasks she can’t even begin to understand.

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And she isn't alone. To her right, fiddling with a console, its back to her, is what looks to be some kind of four-limbed hooved animal. The beast’s body is covered in matted fur and rusted metal plates linked with wires. Two metallic pincers sprout out from the flesh of its back, the flesh around them leaking black ichor. On its head are a set of magnificent antlers, the host for flashing antennae leading to a metallic skull cap covering most of the creature’s skull. Overall, the thing appears monsterious, it’s blood matted fur contrasts sharply with the metal components.

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She spots a small scalpel on the table next to her, its single-bladed edge gleaming in the lantern light. It is nearly two feet from her right hand. She strains against the bonds, reaching for the means to cut herself free. Too far. Too far by two damn inches. Time to improvise.

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'Tch! Tch! Tch!' She calls out to the creature. 'Here deary deary deary! Come here, boy!'

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She just needs it to turn around and bump the table two inches more. She'll bite the inside of her cheek and spit out some blood to get it to come closer. Then cut the shackles keeping her right arm in place, slit its throat and...

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The thing turns towards her. Its eyes are vacant and glassy, without any trace of intelligence. And she can see why. The "antlers" embedded in its skull, made of some kind of blackened iron, spark as several flashing lights on the skullcap go off. It stares vacantly at her, snot dripping down its blue nose, and opens its drooling mouth.

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UUUUUUUuuuurrrrrruuuuu!

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Its ghostly wail echoes through the room. It doesn't move. It doesn't act. It doesn't even seem to breathe. It just stares at her with a stare that seems to go on forever. It just continues to bellow mindlessly at her for minutes on end without breath or exhaustion.




Then the door at Nami's feet opens to reveal an even greater monster.

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It is large, nearly seven feet tall, with thick muscles concealed under a mass of dark brown fur covering its entire body. A white cloth mask and a tall black hat cover its human-shaped skull, obscuring its emotionless, apish face. Glowing metal gauntlets covered in flashing buttons and glass cover its hairy gorilla arms that look strong enough to tear her to ribbons with barely any effort. Across its broad chest are bandoliers filled with chemicals and compounds of every shape and size, their luminescent glow an indicator of their potential danger. Across its tree-trunk-thick legs and sewn into its maroon pants are several dozen syringes hanging inside wooden cases, each one as sharp as the tip of a swordsman’s blade.

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Nami can barely breathe as a bestial monster enters. She is reminded of the killer rabbits and wonders what horrific fate the creature has for her. She flinches as it raises its arm and taps a button on its right gauntlet.

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'February 7th, 1539 Asc. 7:39 AM.' A deep, gravely voice speaks into the gauntlet. 'Subject F39-004 has awakened from medically induced coma after twenty-six hours. Coma was much longer than F39-002 and F39-003.'

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'So ar-'

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Nami is cut off as an electric shock passes through her body. She pushes reflexively against her restraints. 'Cluck!'

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'Subject's pain receptors are functional, and the bio-electric pacifier is responding to wireless commands.' The creature paces around her, its eyes impartially observing. 'Referencing initial diagnosis, subject is female, around eighteen years of age. Plague status...'

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It snaps its gauntlet, and the lobotomized animal walks over carrying a stack of paper in its claws. The gorilla grabs the paper and scans it in its entirety. '...uninfected. Initial analysis shows no signs of microscopic tumors in arteries, veins, capillaries, or lymph nodes.'

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It walks over to Nami's side, placing the papers on the nearby desk. 'Damage from frostbite...' it probes her skin with its icy cold fingers.

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'Hey! Let go-'

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Another shock. This time more painful. 'Clucking damn you!'

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'...healing rapidly.' The creature resumes its probing. 'Administered balm has reversed tissue damage and eliminated need for amputation.'

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It removes its hands and looks at a small glowing plate on the gauntlet. 'Blood type X, Blood pressure 132/68, Heart Rate 72, elevated due to increased levels of adrenaline and cortisol.'

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'I wonder why.' Nami snarks.

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No charge passes through her this time. Instead, the creature above her looks down with cold eyes.

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'...subject appears conscious and ready for interrogation.' It moves its hand to the gauntlet, pulling off a small Den Mushi in a cone-shaped iron shell. It places it near Nami's face. 'You are now permitted to speak. Please state your name, date of birth and occupation for the record.'

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'...'

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Another electrical shock, much lighter than the first two but providing a very keen reminder. 'Please. State your name, date of birth and occupation for the record.'

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'...Nami Belimere. July 3rd. Navigator.'

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The creature nods. 'Nami Belimere. Please answer the following questions to the best of your knowledge. Question one: what are you and your crew doing in Drum? You are not native to this kingdom, and there is little reason to visit.'

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'Why don't you ask my crewmates?' Nami asks, probing for information. 'I'm sure they will be happy to-'

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A shock hits her body. She bites back a curse.

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'What are you and your crew doing in Drum? Respond.'

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She breathes in through her teeth. 'We are looking for a doctor. My sister Nojiko, she... she needs one very badly.'

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'...clarification. Who is this Nojiko?'

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Nami thrashes against her restraints. 'She's the sick one! The one with the plague, you monster! What have-'

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A shock paralyzes her.

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'Clarification accepted. Next question...'

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'No! No next question! You tell-'

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Another longer shock.

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'Question 2: What relationship do-'

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Nami thrashes harder, baring her teeth. 'TELL ME WHAT YOU DID WITH MY SISTER OR SO HELP ME I'LL SKIN YOU ALIVE YOU FILTHY CARPET!!'

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amiNami pants, glaring hatefully at the creature above her. Her righteousness was fury, stunning the previously unfazed creature observing her every move.

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'You tell me what you did with her, you monster.' She says, coolly. 'Or so help me, you won't get anything else out of me.'

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'...'

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'...'

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'... Subject F39-001 is recovering from her operation.' The creature states. 'The damage to her body was extensive and required a great deal of hardware and replacement organs.'

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Nami holds her gaze. 'She's... better?'

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The creature nods. 'After removal of fifty-three percent of her infected tissue, she will need some recovery. She is still infected by the Punk Plague, of course, but thanks to my superb and revolutionary treatment, she is out of immediate danger.'

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Nami takes in a deep breath, holding back tears. 'Y-You're... you're not lying to get information out of me?'

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'Lying!?' The creature looks outraged. 'About a patient's condition!? What sort of doctor do you think I am!?'

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'The kind who ties people down and shocks... wait a second!' Nami stops mid-rant. 'YOU'RE a doctor!?'

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'Of course I am!' The doctor(?) shouts, appearing indignant. 'What, did you think I was some mindless monster out to eat you?'

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'Mindless? Definitely not.' Nami shoots back. 'Monster out to eat me? Yes.'

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The doctor growls. 'Why would I bother treating your frostbite if I was just going to eat you!?'

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The beast takes in one deep breath. Two breaths. Three. 'I'm wasting time. There is one, and only one reason I bothered treating a group of trespassers like you.'

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He glares down at his captive. 'Question two: What do you know as to the status of Dr Kureha, medical genius?'

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'Why do yo-'

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An electric charge fills Nami's system.

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'Answer! What do you know about Dr. Kureha?' He reaches behind him, pulling out a stack of published papers. 'Why did you have her research on you? Are you under orders of Wapol? Mercenaries searching to capture her? Answer my questions or so help me you’ll wish your frostbite had killed you!'

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Nami eyes up her flustered foe. 'I'll tell you... If I can see my crew.'

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Another electric shock, longer and more painful than the first.

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'You don't get out of this room until you answer me.' The doctor states angrily. 'You will comply with my demands and answer my questions! Where is Dr Kureha!?'

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'...no.'

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'No?'

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Nami smirks despite the pain. 'No. Torturing me is a waste of time since I won't break. So unless you give me an incentive, I'm not answering your questions.'

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The creature's hand hovers over a red button on his gauntlet. 'Everyone says they won't break. That they can endure any amount of pain. This is a lie. Given enough pain, anyone can be broken given time.'

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'True.' Nami glares at him. 'But you have nothing to lose by letting me see them. You put some kind of electric taser in them too. Is that right?'

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'...that is correct.' The doctor says. 'A precaution against unruly, human patients like you and your crew who would wish me harm.'

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'Then none of us can attack you regardless of where we are.' Nami says with an unnatural calm. 'Were I to confirm they were okay, you would get your answers much more quickly than if you spent the next hour trying to shock the info out of me.'

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'...' The creature glares at her, and for a moment the thief thinks she has pushed her captor too far.

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'Well?' Nami smirks, putting on a confident appearance to mask her inner fear. 'Do we have a deal?'

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The captive and the captor stand in silence for several moments, both weighing their choices for the option that will give them what they want. Secrets exchanged for freedom. Or will it be lies for a chance to escape? Both of them have something to lose if the wrong decision is made.




After about a minute of thinking, the doctor makes the first move. The mad monster looks to the screen on his gauntlet and flips a few switches as he prepares to make a choice that will decide Nami’s fate. Several seconds later, it pulls its eyes away to look at her. 'Your terms are… acceptable.'

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'Great!' Nami slips out of her hand restraints and bends forward to undo the straps on her ankles. 'You lead the way to my Sister; we'll talk on the way.'




'What!?' The doctor backpedals, obviously stunned by the fact that his prisoner so easily slipped from his restraints. 'How did you...'

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Nami spins an empty syringe in her fingers. 'Grabbed this when you placed your recorder next to me. Took a few minutes to undo the straps without snapping it, but it worked.' She swings her body over, landing on the cold floor. A shiver runs through her body. 'And since I'm not a furry monster, I'd appreciate some warm clothes.'

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The creature looks down at its belt, seeing that one of its syringes has indeed been stolen. '...and you didn't stab me with your improvised weapon because?'

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'Wasn't sure if I could kill you with whatever is in this single needle.'

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The thing smiles behind its mask. 'Well, considering the disinfectant you stole, I can say you made a very smart move.'

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......

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Nami follows her captor down a series of dark stone halls as unwelcoming as her current host. The winding passages leading up, down, left, and right manage to give even her amazing sense of direction a run for its money. No doubt she'd be lost even if she were free to run about here. This place, wherever it was, was a genuine labyrinth patrolled by a monster just as fearsome as the ancient minotaur.




She watches another mechanized deer trot past her, the thing’s emaciated appearance causing her skin to crawl.

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'Pay the servers no mind.' The doctor states. 'They're programmed to perform menial labor and pose no risk to you. I, on the other hand...'

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'Can shock me silly whenever you so choose.' Nami waves off the doctor's concerns, feeling the tight warmth of her plague suit. 'I'm just glad whatever they are, they keep to themselves.'

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'Mechanical engineering was never my foray, but you would be surprised how even basic components can be used to enhance functionality.' The doctor turns right down a torch-lit passage. 'I may not be especially skilled in engineering, but the instructions left in this Franky Corp sales office were easy enough to follow.'

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'This was a Franky's chop shop?' Nami looks around in confusion. 'I thought they banned doctors from this country?'

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The doctor growls. 'Wapol's idiotic decree banned all doctors save the twenty but kissers, but not engineers. Franky Co opened a branch office here shortly after the Doctor ban and made a killing in sales catering to those sick with the plague.'

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'Even so.' She looks around. 'Turning a dank, impossible-to-navigate fortress on top of an impossible-to-climb mountain into a shop?'

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The doctor turns another corner, closely followed by the pirate. 'Drum is known for its mountain fortresses. Before Wapol severed the ropes connecting the peaks, travel between them was easy. The engineers here also preferred their privacy, given their procedures skirted too close to Wapol’s definitions of medicine on occasion.' He laughs darkly to himself. 'Ironic, you couldn't treat a cold, but you were allowed to rip someone's legs off and replace them with wheels. That is, so long as you called yourself an engineer and not a doctor.'

​’That does sound crazy. The engineer part, not the fortress part.’ She says quickly to clarify. ‘With the things we’ve seen near the base of the mountain…’




The memory of those poor villagers kept alive as food causes her body to shudder in revulsion.




‘Something wrong?’ The doctor asks.




'We...' Nami swallows down bile as she remembers the scene at the base of the mountain. 'On our way here, we ran into a village...'

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'Let me guess.' The doctor says. 'Overrun by Lapins?'

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Nami asks. 'Lapins?'

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The doctor rolls his eyes. 'They look like a cross between a hungry gorilla and a rabbit.'

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'Crossed with a nightmare?'

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He nods. 'That's them. After the plague spread to their race, they grew hungrier and more fearless. They'd unleash avalanches on villages and dig out people to eat them. Now all remaining citizens live in the fortresses on the peaks. Fighting off attacks from the mountain slopes and the sky.'

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'Sky?' She asks as they both come to a stop in front of a door.

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He waves his hand, unlocking the several door bolts in front of him. 'Enough of my side projects, you wanted to know about the current state of your... sister, was it?'

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With great strength, he pushes open the door. 'She's inside.'

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Nami looks into the dark room shrouded in shadow, her eyes failing to make out the darkness inside. She turns to the doctor. 'You first.'

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'You don't trust me?' The doctor feigns hurt feelings. 'And here I thought we were friends, Nami Belimere!'

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Nami laughs at the idea of being friends with the thing next to her. 'We wouldn't be friends if-'

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A dark shadow shoots out of the room, tackling the navigator to the ground. She looks up into the beast pinning her down, staring into the face of death. A horrible horned beast with hooves of ebony and brown fur stands above her, pinning her to the ground. The bull snorts, sniffing the trapped woman in preparation for its next meal.

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'NNNNAAAAAMMMIII!!'

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... A beast that can talk apparently.

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And it knows her name.

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The ferocious, blood-curdling beast licks her face like a happy dog.

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'Nami! lick Nami! licks Nami! lick Nami!' Every tongue kiss from the beast is wetter and sloppier than the last.

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The navigator sputters against the unexpected barrage of spittle and dumbfounded shock.

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'Fascinating.' The doctor watches the scene, typing notes into his wrist guard. 'She just acquired the Zoan fruit's power, and already she's tapped into its greater recovery and accelerated regeneration powers. Simply fascinating!'

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Wait. It knows her name.




It likes her.




The doctor refers to it as she?

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'NOJIKO!?' Nami roars, looking up at her sister(?) with anger and confusion.

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The bull stops licking. It cocks its head. 'Nami?'

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'Nojiko!' Nami grips the beast's face, looking into her sister’s eyes. 'What has that mad scientist DONE to you!?!' She examines her sister's furred hide before glaring at the doctor. 'You put her brain inside an animal!?! Why'd you choose a bull!? What the abyss were you thinking!?!'

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'Of course I didn't put your sister's brain inside a wild animal! That would be immoral!' The scientist protests to Nami’s indignant shock. 'Besides, brain transplants are something I can't do yet (without a 40% chance of success at least). I simply gave her the power of the Bison Devil Fruit to better treat her plague.'

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'You turned her into a... a animal!?' Nami instinctively wipes the saliva off of her face with a rag from her back pouch. Even in a completely shocked state, her instincts to prevent plague infection win out.

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'No!' The mad doctor states proudly. 'I simply gave her the power to turn into one!'

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'And there's a difference!?'

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'Of course there's a difference!' The doctor shouts, turning to the bull-girl. 'F39-001, return to human form so your sister will stop shouting?'

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The bison looks even more confused than Nami, as if that were possible. '...F Who?'

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'You!' The doctor points to her. 'Nojiko! Change back to human!'

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'...' The bull cocks its head in obvious confusion. 'How?'

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'How!?' He shouts, pulling off his white surgical mask. 'It's a response to your sense of self and image! You just imagine how you looked before you ate the Devil Fruit and it happens!'

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He stops. 'Unless, due to the abnormal way you acquired the fruit, you are unable to transform into a human. You had his heart transplanted...' he thinks deeply. 'A fruit's power is concentrated inside the heart... You have obviously gained its power..., but perhaps that has affected the use of it somehow. More research is obviously needed to determine possible applications of devil fruits in treating the plague.’

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'You DID turn my sister into an animal!' Nami shouts. 'You... you monster!!'

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He raises his hands. 'Obviously, it was done with the best of intentions! Surely contributing to prospective treatments is worth a few… side effects.'

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'My sister will have to use a litter box thanks to you, and you’re more concerned with your stupid mad science!?!'

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'Well, more like a paper. Or here I have some extra-large diapers from a previous patient.'

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'And that makes it better!?' Nami screams. 'I came looking for treatment! To help her and you... you...'

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Nami stops, feeling a pair of strong human arms wrapped around her.

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She turns around. A familiar face greets her. Stitch marks divide her face into right and left sides. The right side of her face contains new, pink skin contrasting with the left side's dark tan. Short blue hair near the left side contrasts with the bald, scar-covered dome on the right. But the face is unmistakable.

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'N-Nojiko...'

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'Nami upset. So Nojiko give hug.'

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'N-Nojiko!' Nami turns and grips her sister, returning the hug with interest. 'Nojiko! You're... you're talking! And... And... and...'

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'Nojiko know.'

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Nami sobs into her sister's shoulder. Relief, happiness, and love flood through her. In this one moment, all she can feel is joy. Relief floods through her. Fears that had dominated her mind since Kobayashi Village now seem so far away.

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'Aha!' The doctor points. 'She can transform! See! I was right! Who's the mad scientist now!?'

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...correction. All Ncan feel is joy at her sister’s recovery and annoyance at this showboating bipolar monster behind her.

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'The transfer of Devil Fruit power was a complete success.' He smiles smugly. 'A comprehensive combination of several treatments to remove damaged body parts and replace them has resulted in...'

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'Kick shin!'

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'Ow!' The doctor hops around on one foot in response to his patient’s attack.

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'Nojiko remember now!' Nojiko, completely nude, points at him in an accusatory tone. 'You lock up in room! Nojiko no like lock up!'

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The doctor rubs his sore shin. 'Well, excuse me for keeping you from wandering around after you're recovering from surgery! You were in stage five of the Punk Plague, but thanks to me you're now in stage two! How about a thank you for saving your life!

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'...thank life save.' Nojiko crosses her arms in a childish pout. 'But no like.'

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'Ungrateful...'

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'Nojiko, um...' Nami looks at her sister with a confused expression. 'Are you sure you're... feeling all right?'

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Nojiko looks down at her naked, scar-covered body. The entire right side is composed of a patchwork of new skin colors and differing musculature. Fortunately, all of her relevant anatomy seems to be present in the correct location. '...oh. Nojiko naked. Nojiko not notice.'

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'Not that!' She turns to the doctor. 'Clothes now.' She turns back to her sister. 'I mean to you... um referring to yourself in the third person.'

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'???’ Nojiko tilts her head. ‘Is third person?’ She points to herself. ‘Nojiko.’ She points to her sister. ‘Nami.’ She gestures rudely at the doctor. ‘And freaky, weird fur thing. He count third person?’

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'No! I mean you keep saying Nojiko this and Nojiko that.' Nami says tensely. 'I just want to make sure you're... okay.'

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Nojiko looks at Nami for a moment, noticing the sudden concern on her beloved sister’s face. The bull-girl shrugs. 'Nojiko not know what Nami talk. Nojiko feel fine. Nojiko feels strong. No problem.'

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The doctor throws her a pair of dark jeans and a shirt with a screaming skull on it. 'Probably due to having to move around portions of her brain.' He conjectures. 'Maybe I can adjust the Hogback box to correct the...'

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'Kick shin!'

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'Ow!' The doctor hops around again. 'You could be bleeding inside your skull, you ungrateful witch!'

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'...only if Nami say K.' Nojiko slips on the pants. 'No trust.'

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'Nojiko can...' Nami tries to think of a delicate way to phrase the following. 'How much can you remember?'

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Nojiko taps her head after putting on the simple t-shirt. 'Nojiko know lots of stuff. Nojiko knows Nami, and funny hat guy Luffy and other weird guys. Nojiko not dumb.'

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'I’m not saying you are!’ Nami tries to say as tactfully as possible. ‘It's just you've been... sick ever since... well, you’ve been… unresponsive before I got you out of Arlong Park.'

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Nojiko pales, her normal confidence and spunk vanishing instantly under a river of fear and raw hatred.

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Nami wants more than anything to not say the next words she is planning to say. But she has to know. She needs to know this… person in front of her is her sister. That this isn’t some twisted prank on the mad doctor’s behalf. 'Do you remember... mom and... Arlong?'

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Nojiko grows three heads taller and twice as wide in under a second. Demonic-looking horns sprout from her head, and thick dark brown fur covers her body. Her legs bend backwards, transforming into hooved limbs thick as Nami’s head. Her arms expand massively with clenching muscles thicker than a ship’s mast, and her face forms into an angry snout. Her eyes are filled with a bestial rage that could never be quelled or stopped.

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'AAAARRRRLLLOOOONNNGGG!' Nojiko pushes her fist through a stone wall. 'ARLONG!! ARRRRRLLLLOOONNNGGG!!' She roars.

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'Nojiko! It's fine! Forget it! You don't need...'

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'BAD FISHSTICK CRUSH!! RIP HALF!! DROWN IN BLOOD!! ARRRR-'

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Nojiko's skeleton glows under her skin as thousands of volts stop her rampage. She falls to the ground in human form.

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Chopper sighs in relief. 'And that, my dear patient, is why I chip my patients BEFORE I do any surgery on them.'

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'Nojiko!' Nami picks up her smoking hot sister.




The literally smoking girl breathes out a smoke ring and stands up feeling none the worse for wear. 'Nojiko, calm. Remember, him. No like, fish guys.'

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'I know, Nojiko.’ Nami says bitterly. ‘I don't either.'

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'Ahem.' The two girls turn to the good doctor. 'Putting aside present complaints, I believe that since I've lived up to my end of the bargain, it's time for you to answer my questions.'

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'Oh no!' Nami points at him. 'You doctor... doctor...'

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'Chopper.' The furry medical expert says curtly.

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She snaps at him. 'You, Dr Chopper, are going to explain exactly what you did to my sister so I can be sure you haven't put a bomb in her chest or something.'

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'That's wildly impractical! Why would I destroy one of my masterpieces!?'




‘Because you’re a crazy mad scientist! That’s why!’




Chopper opens his mouth to object. He closes it a moment later with a sigh. 'All right. If I promise to explain to you my revolutionary new technique of combating the Punk Plague, will you calm down and tell me where Kureha is!?'

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Nami nods.

​

Nojiko nods.

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Chopper groans, muttering something about mothers under his breath. 'All right, to start, what do you know about the plague?'

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Nami, sitting cross-legged on the floor, places her hand on her chin. She applies what she knows of illness and thinks deeply on an answer to the doctor’s probing questions. 'Well, it's spread by touching any part of infected tissue or fluids that come from it. It causes abnormal tissue growths to pop up all over the body, which can't be removed without them regrowing in the same spot. And even if you remove the body part that has them, like cutting off an arm, it will just travel to another part of the body.'

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Nojiko nods enthusiastically.

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Chopper looks disappointed. 'So you know nothing at all. Pity you looked like you were fairly intelligent. How disappointing, I should have figured you’d know nothing of medicine since it looks as though you allowed your sister’s condition to deteriorate so rapidly.'

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The navigator is upset, but Chopper drags out a blackboard from within Nojiko's room. 'Okay then, hallway plague lecture number one. Class is in session. What you call the Plague is in fact a form of immortal cancer.'

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He draws a single dot. 'While not 'infectious' in the traditional sense, an infected individual's body is host to thousands of tumors, many smaller than the eye can reliably see. These micro tumors can be spread from an infected individual to a healthy individual through physical contact, contact with bodily fluids from an infected individual, or consuming infected livestock. So long as it has organic animal tissue to draw nutrients from, the tumor will always grow back.’

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He writes down "Stage 1" on the board. 'Stage 1 of the plague occurs immediately after an individual experiences physical contact with infected tissue, to around 12 hours. The tumors, having spread to a new body, begin to grow on the afflicted area. These transplanted tumors start by slowly leaching nutrients from the body to expand and divide.' He draws a picture of two bodies, an arrow leading from a lumpy body to a straight one. 'The individual might notice a crusty region of skin in the case of direct contact or a slightly infected wound in the case of injury. Individuals consuming tainted food often never notice direct signs of infection. This is why a thorough inspection of consumed meat is critical.'

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'I know that.' Nami rolls her eyes. 'Sanji's given us the whole explanation on making sure any meat we find is clean.'

​

'Sanji?'




'Blonde, like ladies.' Nojiko says.

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'He's blonde and looks like a lady?'

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Nami rubs her forehead. 'Casanova wannabe.'

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'Oh, F39-002. He was ranting something about you being a swan when he woke up.' Chopper thinks to himself. 'I really need to work to remove the hallucinations from the sleeping gas.'

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Nami makes a mental note to chastise Sanji after breaking him out. 'Could we please move on?'

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'Right.' Chopper writes down "Stage 2" on the board. 'While stage one infections can be treated by removing the flesh before it can grow, such as by washing or amputating the area it is growing into, Stage two is widely regarded as being impossible to cure. It occurs anywhere from twelve hours to one week after exposure, with progression speed depending greatly on an individual's constitution.' He draws a picture of a person with a large lump on their arm. Inside the wire-frame body, he draws several smaller dots. 'It is at this stage where portions of the infected flesh begin to travel through the bloodstream to different areas of the body. Once in different areas of the body, these portions grow and fuse with the areas of flesh they find themselves in.'

​

Chopper writes the word "decreased energy" under the person. 'The increased growth leads to the beginning stages of exhaustion as more of the body's energy is leeched off to fuel their growth. This spread and growth can be exacerbated through physical exertion, with this effort often masking the fatigue the growth of the tumors causes.' He puts several dots around the drawn person. 'The greatest danger in stage two is their exposure to others. In this stage, an individual may infect others without their knowledge, as they do not exhibit many of the more noticeable signs of the later stages. However, due to the smaller amount of tumors in their body, they are less infectious than individuals from a later stage.'

​

Chopper writes down. "Treatment Impossible" under the person. 'It is at this stage that the plague becomes nearly impossible to treat, as it would require every individual piece of infected flesh be removed. This would involve dozens if not hundreds of separate operations to individually remove each piece and its surrounding tissue throughout the body. Missing a single skin flake of cancerous tissue would allow the Punk Plague to return in force since without the other tumors it would have more space to grow and feed off its host.'

​

'So that's why you can't cure it?' Nami states. 'It spreads too quickly?'

​

'Yes.' Chopper points to Nojiko. 'Even by removing every visible part of your sister's infection, and thousands of tumors growing inside her internal organs, there are still hundreds of thousands of tumors throughout her body waiting to find somewhere to grow and expand.'




'...Nojiko understands.'

​

'I'm glad you're following along.' He turns to the blackboard again. 'It demonstrates your reasoning centers aren't completely dead.'

​

'Jerk.'

​

'Nojiko agrees.'

​

'Moving on!' Chopper writes down "Stage 3" on the board. 'Stage 3 starts from one week to one month after first exposure, but once again the disease can progress slower or faster based on individual factors. In fact, I had one patient who was bed bound for years who stayed at stage two for nearly a year. Certain individuals seem to rapidly advance from this stage onto the later stages while others can remain in this stage for years.' The doctor thinks to himself. 'Individual strength seems to play a key role, but it is too random to be more than a contributing factor. Could it be related to mental strength? Genetics? Biological abnormalities?'

​

'Uh? Chopper?'

​

He snaps out of his thoughts. 'My apologies, I got caught up in my hypotheses.' He draws a person with massive swelling in their arm. 'It is in this stage of the plague that the individual becomes visibly infected. Their tumors swell and expand to sizes that cannot be mistaken or missed, most often at the site of infection. These tumors can vary in appearance, color, and composition, with some resembling pus-filled boils and others being solid balls of toughened flesh.'

​

Chopper writes down "visible boils" under the person. 'Regardless, the tumors are often spherical in shape and are visually distinctive from the flesh they inhabit. These tumors also appear to take on traits from the flesh they inhabit, for example being how it affects fish men...'

​

He misses the shudder of revulsion pass through the bodies of the two ladies.

​

'Tumors that grow on fish men, as an example, are equally resistant to deep-sea pressure and underwater environments. Logia users, that is, Devil Fruit users who transform into elemental forces, also find their tumors to 'transform' along with their bodies.' He writes "greater exhaustion" under the person. 'The individual often suffers from greater exhaustion than the previous stage and much greater discomfort as the tumors impede bodily function. The tumors themselves are also a vector for the plague; unsavory individuals may use this to intentionally infect others. Such as by rubbing their tumors against individuals, coating their weapons in fluids from the tumors, or ripping off portions to dump them in water sources.'

​

'We get it!' Nami says, clearly distressed. 'Can you please move on!?'

​

'Certainly.' Chopper says again, missing the agitation of his audience. 'Most impressively (or terrifyingly), these tumors seem to be immortal, regrowing from nearly any damage back to the same size or larger. They can only be truly 'killed' by removing them from their host tissue, after which they will slowly waste away from lack of nutrients and disappear within a week or so. In rare cases, the tumors can grow fast enough to 'stick' to external objects they are in contact with, like clothing or, in individuals with a more martial persuasion, weapons.'

​

The bull girl raises her hand. 'Nojiko stage?'

​

'Well past it.' Chopper clarifies. 'Yes, your suit had fused to your body, but the progression of your tumors was extensive. I literally had to replace your entire right side, which leads us to...'

​

Chopper writes down "Stage 4" on the board. 'Stage 4. It starts from one month/a year and ends around six months/three years.'

​

'Nojiko is confused.'

​

The doctor sighs. 'Look, progression can vary! Of course, someone rapidly exposed to various sources of the Plague will progress faster than someone exposed once! And that's not even accounting for the body's resilience.' Turning back to the board, he draws a person with two arms on each side of its body. 'In stage four, the individual starts exhibiting "mutations" as their bodies try to adapt to the presence of biological material. These mutations often take either the form of physical or mental.'




Chopper draws a line pointing to the extra arms and writes "physical mutations" under the figure. 'Physical mutations are the result of rapid tumor growth where masses combine and grow together to create semi-functioning organs. These can range from enlarged body parts, disfigurements, and/or additional body parts the individual may have some control over.' He then draws another arrow pointing to the skull and writes "mental abnormalities" under it. 'It is also in this stage that the individual may start suffering from mental disabilities as the tumors grow into the brain pan or skull region. The pressure on the brain and draining of its nutrients can result in mood swings, confusion, short-term memory loss, difficulty speaking and/or complex delusions.'

​

'Like say...' Nami thinks to herself. 'Growing four legs or talking endlessly about someone they know is dead?'

​

Chopper nods affirmatively. 'Correct. In addition, it is in stage four where the plague is most lethal to its host and

​

those around them. If the individual hasn't succumbed to total exhaustion, the growths themselves often end up killing the patient when they join together. The merging of tumors can halt the function of vital organs, such as by stopping the heart or lungs and cutting off oxygen flow to the head.' He turns to his diagram, drawing squiggles connecting several dots inside the body. 'And to make things worse, Individuals in this state are highly infectious. The combination of multiple enlarged tumors and diminished mental capacity often leads to them infecting others through their actions. Many victims suffering in this state are likened to, pardon my unscientific vernacular, Zombies from a cheap dime store novel. They exhibit traits such as wandering around in a daze, moaning, biting others to spread the plague, and are often treated as such.'

​

'Oh...'

​

'...Nojiko sad.'

​

'And if the person somehow survives, they progress into the final stage.' Chopper writes down "Stage 5" on the board. 'The individual suffering from the plague reaches this stage anywhere from six months to three years and is regarded as the final stage before an individual expires.' Chopper gets to work drawing the nightmarish shape of some freakish creature with hundreds of crooked limbs. 'At this stage, an individual's mutations grow out of control, resulting in a body that is more tumor than original tissue. The only solid bar for this stage, given the variety and differences in tumor growth, is that an individual must suffer from both physical and mental "mutations" to a degree greater than stage four.' The doctor writes "physical and mental abnormalities" under the abomination with a hundred arms.

​

'Have you...' Nami feels her mouth dry out as a question fills her mind. 'Have you ever met an individual at that stage?'

​

'A few. Some even claimed there was a "more blessed" stage beyond, before I was forced to euthanize them.' Chopper taps at the monstrous shape. 'Ironically, at this stage exhaustion from the tumors becomes almost negligible. Once someone has reached stage five, the tumors have grown so large there is little room for them to expand, and while they never stop growing, their growth is significantly reduced. In addition, individuals capable of surviving to this state are often strong enough to acclimate to the growths, meaning they are far more likely to suffer major side effects when compared to less sturdy individuals in other stages. Some even consider themselves demons blessed by gods or other such nonsense.'

​

The last thing Chopper writes below the figure is the words "highly infectious" that he underlines. 'As a final consideration, the individual at this stage becomes a walking vector for the plague due to their saturation of infection. A touch from individuals at this stage can nearly always inflict the plague unless extreme precautions are taken.'

​

'So never reach this stage.'

​

'Never reach this stage if you can stop it, or die before reaching it.' Chopper responds to Nami's question. 'Fortunately for you, the operations I performed have gone a great way towards preventing this outcome.' He draws a figure of a person with several lumps. 'Step one, isolating the infected tissue and removing it.'

​

He draws another picture, this one with half its body missing. 'From there it was a simple matter of replacing the damaged parts with those I had in stock. Drum weather is perfect for keeping some recently expired body parts sterile and preserved.'

​

Nojiko looks confused. Nami's face pales. Chopper continues drawing with a chipper grin. 'Then for step two, inserting a series of filters into the lymphatic system and bloodstream designed to prevent the plague from metastasizing.'

​

Nami rolls her eyes, moving on from the morbid source of her sister's new anatomy. 'English poindexer?'

​

Chopper draws several lines through the body. 'Imagine them as Dams to prevent the plague from expanding. Because they're not made of organic compounds, the plague cannot attach to them. Then any caught tumors can be extracted by a series of hidden ports. Leaving step 3, your sister's ability to transform.'

​

'Nojiko question!' Nojiko raises her hand. 'Why turn in bull?'

​

'Bison, F39-001.' Chopper clarifies. 'And as part of step three, providing you a Zoan Devil Fruit is a common way to stave off the effects of the Punk plague.'

​

Chopper draws a new figure with horns. 'As stated before, individual constitution and physical resilience affect both plague progression and effect. As such, Zoan fruit powers, which naturally provide far greater physical attributes than a normal human, serve to mitigate and slow plague effects.' He writes "increased physical attributes" and "shape changing" under the figure with horns. 'As a final benefit, the user's shape changing ability allows their anatomy to better adapt to the flesh changes. For example, blocked off arteries can in turn be instinctively increased in size, allowing the passage of blood to resume.'

​

With a flourish, Chopper writes the word "QUESTIONS" on the board before underlining it several times. 'Now then, does the audience have any questions?'

​

Nojiko watches a bug crawling on the ground.

​

'F39-001? Nojiko? Do you have any questions?' The doctor asks eagerly. 'Given that this is your body we are talking about?'

​

Nojiko points at the insect. 'What bug?'

​

'...that is a centipede, Nojiko. Any more relevant questions?'

​

She scratches her head. 'No, Nojiko no question.'

​

'Very well. Nami?'

​

'That was... very comprehensive, Doctor Chopper.' The navigator rubs her sore legs as she stands. 'And very...long.'

​

'Thank you! It's wonderful to have an audience eager to listen!' Chopper beams with pride, missing the fact that Nami's comment was not a compliment. 'And now that I have explained my in-depth operation to save your sister's life...' Chopper's bulk leans towards Nami. 'Perhaps you will be so gracious as to-.’

​

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

​

A thin, nasally alarm sounds through the halls.

​

'What is that!?' Nami is immediately on her guard.

​

Chopper groans. 'It means that F39-002 has escaped again.' He notices the confused look on the navigator's face. 'Your stupid crewmate.'

​

'Which one?' Nami asks.

​

Chopper rolls his eyes. 'The one with the Paramecia ability to stretch himself. From what I could tell from his screaming, before the drugs kicked in, he is looking for some ratty hat.'

​

Nami's eyes bulge. 'You took Luffy's straw hat!?!'

​

'Of course.' The doctor says. 'To prevent foreign pathogens from entering the laboratory, all patients and their possessions must be stripped of belongings and thoroughly disinfected. I'm honestly surprised he cares more about a hat than his crewmates.'




'Luffy knows we can take care of ourselves.' Nami says, glancing knowingly at the doctor. 'That or he thinks that if he finds his hat, he'll find the one who kidnapped his friends and be able to beat them up.'

​

Nojiko shoots to her feet before dizzily falling over. 'So no bad guy attack?'

​

Nami turns to her sister. 'You don't think the doctor that kidnapped us, electrocutes us, and performed invasive surgeries is a "bad guy," Nojiko?'

​

Nojiko stands up again. She falls over. 'Grumpy, mean, and still no like. But is no bad.' She looks at Chopper. 'Right?'

​

'...What an astute and wise statement… said in the stupidest way possible.' Chopper says with a slightly less hostile tone of voice.




‘So alarm no is bad?’




'That is indeed correct, F39-001. To clarify, that alarm you are hearing now is the patient escape alarm. Were there a dangerous intruder-'




BOOM




A loud crashing sound of collapsing rubble echoes through the building.




WEREWERWWERWWERWWERWWERWWERWWERW!

​

Another alarm sounds on top of the first, this one large and blaring.

​

'DAMN YOU WAPOL!!' The doctor shouts to the heavens. 'Where is all this bad luck coming from!?'

​

Nami shrugs. 'Welcome to a day in the life of the Strawhat pirates.' She pats him on the back. 'Now com-'

​

Crash

​

GegHkDRhJJfDhGHhhhAa!!

​

The wall to their right bursts open and a feathered freak with eighteen mouths and beaks for hands assaults the unprepared group.

​

.......

​

'Found it!' Luffy grins as he puts on his trademark straw hat. 'And it only took three breakouts to find it!'

​

He looks around the storeroom at the creepy deer things lying on the floor. The elm brown storage chest under him had been guarded by them, but they hadn't been much trouble. No, those weird traps had been why it took so long to find his beloved hat.

​

Clouds of funny gas that messed with his eyes and ears. Walls that fired poison darts like in the comics. Even this weird glowing orb that looked like a sun and made him fall asleep by touching him. After the third time he had used his head and avoided the traps by using an ingenious plan he came up with.

​

Now, after punching through six walls, he found it! He had his hat!

​

He feels a chill and looks down.

​

He should probably put on the rest of his clothes.

​

As the captain dons his attire, he wonders where his friends are, and more importantly, if they're safe. He worries about Nojiko; she was really sick. Hopefully there was a doctor in this crazy place who could help her. No. He would find a doctor in this crazy place to help her.

​

Checking his gauntlets and boots, he prepares to come up with a plan to find them. First step...

​

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

​

Turning off that stupid alarm.

​

Luffy's arm shoots up, smashing the

​

blaring foghorn bolted to the wall on his right. Smashing the nearest alarm had made it sound less loud. It had helped, sure, but there are still, like, a billion of them around. Maybe there's a control room or something around here...

​

WEREWERWWERWWERWWERWWERWWERWWERW!

​

All of a sudden, though, the alarm got loud. Very loud. Luffy cups his hands over his ears.

​

'I guess the alarms didn't like that.' Luffy looks around. 'Now I really have to find-'

​

The ceiling above him collapses, and a monster falls into the center of the room.

​

Luffy takes a fighting stance as a mess of metal, flesh, and broken wings crawls. up on peg legs made of iron bone. Its feathered arms bleed black ichor; its head is a mess of ears pasted to bleeding skin. Its wings consist nearly entirely of human fingers that twitch and wiggle like a living carpet. Spaced throughout the creature's body are metal stakes and pegs that seem designed to spill its filthy black blood across its rubbery, feathered skin. Its form, though humanoid in shape, is too long, too bony, and too gaunt to be considered human. It turns in Luffy's direction and opens a beaked mouth filled with rotting molars.

​

BWAAaaagGHHGG!!

​

It leaps towards its prey, hungry for its flesh.

​

Luffy's fist sends it through the wall next to him.

​

'Man, that was creepy.' He comments in an off-handed manner. 'I wonder if this is another trap.'

​

He looks at the senseless deer on the floor. '...nah. It's different from those other guys. Those monsters must be-'

​

WREAAAaaaaa!

​

Luffy backhands another false angel into a wall, snapping its fragile body in two. 'Guys attacking whoever captured me.'

​

Luffy listens over the dying moans of the flying monsters. Sure enough, he hears lots of loud smashing noises all over. That and the sound of a big fight.

​

But that wasn't his problem. He had to find his friends, find a doctor, and get out of this crazy place.

​

Wait.

​

Sound of guys fighting the monsters--> Someone strong enough to beat monsters --> his friends --> his friends are fighting--> he can meet up with his friends if he follows the noise!

​

'Wait for me guys!' Luffy runs down the hallway. 'I'm on my-'

​

He backflips, avoiding a guillotine blade falling from above. He looks at the buried blade in the stone floor. 'I'm safely on my way.'

​

He punches through a wall closest to the sound of fighting and jumps through.

​

.......

​

A spinning saw blade shoots from Chopper's gauntlet, bisecting a winged angel with too many eyes. Its black blood splatters against the back wall as its body is cleaved in half. Swinging the blade, he buries it in a charging thing made of feathers and tentacles.

​

He points down the hall. 'This way, to the central node!' He shouts to the women following him. 'It's the most well-defended part of the complex!'

​

The two girls behind him don’t stop to argue or debate their course of action. All three of them break into a run away from the freakish mutants spilling from the walls around them.

​

'What the abyss are these things!?' Nami shouts. 'And why'd you have to take my weapons?!'

​

'They're Wapol's foot soldiers!' Chopper runs past a pair of conjoined beasts thrashing against a cage. 'Flying creatures fused with people and sent to destroy his rebellious subjects.'

​

'And my guns!?'

​

'You would have tried to shoot me!'

​

A crawling wolf with wings for limbs flaps out from behind a corner.




BaRwk!

​

Before it can bite down on Nami, Nojiko's massive hand shoots out and grabs its skull. The minotaur looks down at the creature that tried to hurt its family and, with one squeeze, splatters its brains against the wall.

​

'T-Thanks, Nojiko.' Nami takes a breath in relief.

​

'Welcome. Nojiko no like birds.' The guardian's voice rumbles.

​

'Nobody in Drum likes birds!' Chopper pulls open a door. 'Every fortress city has been under siege for months! And every person he kidnaps becomes another monster sent out to kill the "rebels". We just need to make it to the hub and activate-'

​

BRRwwwwaaAAHHH!!

​

Something with spines poking out of its throat charges the good doctor; its tentacle-like bony spurs trying to wrap around his throat.

​

'STOP INTERRUPTING ME!!' Chopper counters it with a punch to its mangled face. Its bones and spines shatter under the force of the punch, and the doctor casually jumps over it.

​

'You know I could help with that if I had a weapon!' Nami protests, following behind him.

​

'There's an armory up ahead!' He pulls a lever, opening a grate to their left.

​

A grate leading to three abominations greeting them with monstrous smiles.

​

RRRREEEaaagggUGGH!!

​

Chopper grimaces. 'F39... Nojiko. Protect Nami.' He bashes his fists together, creating an electric charge covering the metal weapons. 'Things are about to get... messy."

​

The minotaur nods and guards the door. Chopper advances. 'Come on and get it, you wastes of flesh. I may not have brought you into this world, but I'm taking you out of it!'

​

RRREEaaaghhghh

​

The creatures prepare to charge.

​

BOOM

​

The wall to their right explodes, pounding them to pieces with the stone projectiles. And walking through the cloud of dust, a bucket of jerky in his hands is the captain of the Strawhats.

​

'Oomn nooommm.' Luffy walks through the cloud, his eyes coming to rest on Nami. 'Osh!' He swallows down the food in his mouth. 'Nami! There you are! Look, I found-'

​

Chopper throws a handful of darts at the rubber man, which he catches on his bucket.

​

'Hey!'

​

'Dr Chopper!' Nami shouts behind him. 'What are you doing!?'

​

The doctor points to Luffy. 'He's destroying my equipment! My home! He's even eating my deer jerky! Why do you think I kept him sedated!?'

​

Luffy glares at the creature in front of him. 'So you're the guy who kidnapped us, Mr Furry Gorilla!' He places the bucket down and preps his fists. 'Tell me where Nojiko and Sanji are, or you'll be sorry!'

​

The bull girl snorts and walks forward. 'Nojiko fine Luff-Luff.'

​

'Huh? Agh!' Luffy backpedals. 'Nami, watch out! There's another monster next to you!'

​

'That's Nojiko, Captain Pea Brain!'

​

'That's Nojiko!? Is that what she looks like under the suit!?'

​

'What!? No! Chopper turned her into this!'

​

'A Chopper turned her into an animal!? I thought choppers were used to turn animals into meat!'

​

'No, Chopper the doctor!!'

​

'You want me to chopper a doctor!? But Nami, we need a doctor to treat Nojiko!'

​

'Nojiko here!'

​

'It's talking again!'

​

'Not "talking again"! Am Nojiko!'

​

'So you're not talking again?'

​

'Yes!'

​

'But I can hear you! Are you one of those telephones!?'

​

'It's telepath Luffy!'

​

'So it is one! Boy telepaths look weird!'

​

'Is no "weird" or "telepath"! Is Nojiko!'

​

'Nami, run! The telepath ate Nojiko!'

​

'...I REALLY have to check the sleep gas for possible brain damage.' Chopper groans.

​

RRRREEEAAAaaagggGGH!

​

Chopper's gauntlets shock the attacking monster into a charred pile of flesh.

​

'Gomu no whip!' Luffy's leg lashes out, smashing the monsters behind it into the wall.

​

'Look, Luffy!' Nami shouts over the din of battle. 'I'll explain later! But could you please find Sanji and take care of the flesh-eating monsters trying to kill us!?'

​

'But Nami! The telepath...'

​

'Is fine!' She points down the hall. 'Now you run... Um Chopper?'

​

The doctor sighs. He points down the hallway to his right. 'That way leads to the central node.'

​

'That way!' The navigator commands. 'And you take out all the monsters attacking us, or so help me I'll put you last to eat on the serving list!'

​

The fearless captain of the Strawhats gasps. 'You wouldn't!'

​

'March!' Nami points, shouting her order.

​

Luffy gives one last glare to the good doctor, letting him know exactly what will happen if he lets anything happen to his friends. Then he runs down the hall, extending his rubber arm to grab the bucket of meat behind him.

​

'And he took my deer jerky with him.' Chopper groans. 'Fine! You two follow me to the armory!'

​

'Nami?' Nojiko asks. 'Is Nojiko telepathic?'

​

The navigator grabs her sister's bull-like ear and drags her along. 'Don't you start!'

​

In under a minute, the two catch up to Chopper turning a rusty wheel to open a large door. 'Almost...' the door gives. 'Got it! In here!'

​

The trio enters the room filled with blades, guns, and equipment of all kinds. Halbeards, cannons, swords, and more complex devices lie strewn around the floor and hanging from the walls. Boxes of bullets, crates of spiderweb-covered spears, and various assorted tools of destruction fill a room big enough to fit the entire Merry with ease.

​

'Well, ladies.’ Chopper says with a smirk. ‘Choose your weapons.'

​

Nami's eyes gleam at the massive amount of loot ripe for theft. 'So we can have anything in this room?'

​

Chopper looks around. 'Anything you can carry and use.' He says before digging into a pile, searching for something at the bottom of a barrel.

​

'Then in that case...' Nami immediately dashes over to the most expensive-looking chest in the room. With a casual glance, she spots the ten locks keeping it sealed shut and breaks them open in under a minute. 'Come to... what the heck is this?'

​

Chopper looks over. 'Careful with that! It's a Scorpion rifle!' He says fearfully.

​

Nami looks at the brass and glass device resting inside the lockbox. The strange-looking gun looks like some kind of giant tuning fork with large bulbs of amber liquid where the muzzle should be. Copper cables are wrapped around it, linked to a thick shoulder guard filled with several transparent bulbs.

​

'A Scorpion rifle?' Nami examines the device. 'Does it shoot poison darts? I can't see any ammo clips...'

​

'No! It fires bursts of electricity that can fry your bones!' Chopper points to his gauntlets. 'You know where I got the components for my weapons and your implants? By dismantling one of those!'




Nami rolls her eyes. 'Then why'd they name it after a creature that doesn't produce electricity? They should have called it "Zeus" or something!'

​

'I don't know!' Chopper flings aside a rusted cannon. 'The point is it's too dangerous to use! If you use it improperly...'

​

Nami flips the rifle in her hands and aims down the glass sights. 'A bit bulky, but from the ozone I'm feeling it seems manageable enough.' She cranks a lever on the side as if it were the most natural thing in the world. The weapon hums and a continuous current of electricity travels between the barrel and the railing above. 'Oh hoho! Mommy likes.'

​

Chopper grunts angrily, pushing aside another crate. 'Fine! Get yourself killed after I heal you. See if I care!'

​

'Thank you, Chopper! Nojiko!' She addresses her sister. 'There's another one of these over here. You grab it.'

​

Her sister doesn't respond.

​

'Nojiko?' She turns. 'What are you looking at?'

​

Nojiko, in human form, is looking up at a weapon hung reverently on the wall. A long-handled spade with a circular blade shaped like a giant oar. The oval blade itself, though gathering a small amount of rust, is sturdy and functional. The evergreen handle of the blade hangs off the wall by the shovel-like handle on the end.

​

'Uuuu...' She takes in the sight of the tool in front of her. 'Chop-Chop? What's this?'

​

'My name isn't...' the doctor sighs, pulling a heavy device with a large nozzle. 'Forget it. That weapon is the kingdom's honored blade, Rosebud. It is a supreme grade weapon passed down through the royal guard for generations.'

​

Nami zips over. 'So it's valuable!?' Chopper nods, and her eyes gleam. 'Then you can take it, Nojiko! It's sure to be worth a lot!'

​

'...if special, why here?' Nojiko asks.

​

'Its previous owner... recently passed away.' Chopper states with an air of lament. 'He was in a coma for years, so I kept it in case his condition ever improved.'

​

With a shaking hand, Nojiko reaches up and pulls the blade from the wall. She swings it once, the force of the air causing the other weapons around her to be pushed back.

​

'Nojiko like Rosebud.' The woman shoulders her blade. 'Nojiko keep.'

​

'Good.' The doctor flips the switch on his weapon and a gout of fire bursts from the nozzle. 'Let's hope your friend hasn't died yet. Wapol's mutants have been known to rip stronger men limb from limb.'

​

......

​

'What?' Chopper stands in the middle of a large circular room.

​

Shattered glass from person-sized tubs embedded in the wall covers the floor. Corpses preserved in formaldehyde lie half out of their artificial cocoons. Damaged machinery sparks and whizzes from the massive gaping holes in their metal sides. Medical equipment, beds, and papers are scattered everywhere, millions of belli of equipment reduced to little more than debris.

​

And in the middle of the laboratory is a massive pile of mutant corpses, stretching nearly to the ceiling.

​

'Finally!' Luffy stands in front of the pile, wiping the black gore off his gauntlets with a rag. 'I was getting bored of waiting around! Did you find any more meat!?'

​

'What?' Chopper asks no one in particular.

​

'No, Luffy, I didn't find any meat.' Nami frowns as Luffy sags. 'But I'm sure if anyone can find a kitchen here, it's Sanji.'

​

'What?' Chopper asks no one in particular.

​

'Of course I did!' A chef walks from behind the pile of twitching corpses, smoking a victory cigarette. 'I found three, but of course who could think of eating when you lovely ladies were in danger!?'

​

'What?' Chopper asks no one in particular.

​

'All right!' Luffy cheers. 'So we just have to find Nojiko, get her healthy, and we can set up a "glad you're feeling better" speech!'

​

Nami sighs before pointing to her sister. 'Luffy, THIS is Nojiko. She looks a little different but...'

​

'She looks radiant!' Sanji pulls off a sliding kneel in front of her. 'Nojiko chan! To see you healthy and whole fills my heart with love! Your beauty is a balm for my soul greater than any medicine!'

​

'What?' Chopper asks no one in particular.

​

Luffy squints his eyes. 'Nojiko? That's what you looked like under the tumors?'

​

Nojiko looks at the patches of skin on her right arm and chest. 'Nojiko, guess?'

​

'...okay.' He looks around. 'What happened to the telepath?'

​

Nojiko gives him a deadpan look for a moment before shifting into her hybrid form. Luffy watches as she transforms into a bull-like creature and back to a human.

​

'...'

​

'...'

​

'...oh! You were the telepath Nojiko!'

​

'What?' Chopper asks no one in particular.

​

'Nojiko no telepath! Is Nojiko!'

​

'Nojiko, my sweet!' Sanji says in a serenading voice. 'You don't need ESP to read my mind! The sight of you fills my mind with...'

​

Nami bashes Sanji in the face with her rifle. 'Cool it, Mr Prince! That's my sister you're seducing!'

​

'Nami swan!' Sanji lies on the floor bleeding from his nose. 'A word from you, and I see the stars! Your beauty is just as peerless as your mani-hued sister!'

​

'What?' Chopper asks no one in particular.

​

'San...ji?' Nojiko tilts her head. 'Who Sanji?'

​

The girl looks to her sister, who watches in concern. 'He's... our chef, Nojiko.'

​

'...oh!' Nojiko nods. 'Annoying, funny, weird guy who fights with green hair! Nojiko remembers now!'

​

'Oooooo!' The chef moans. 'My heart is wounded! My dearest little sweet has forgotten her prince!' He puckers his lips. 'But I'm sure true love's kiss will restore her memories!'

​

The Navigator looks at Sanji again. '...good job Nojiko!' Nami pats her sister on the head. 'Annoying guy who fights with Zoro! That's exactly who Sanji is!'

​

'Nami swaaaan!!'

​

'What. The. HELLS!?!' Chopper roars. 'You... you beat all of them!?' He looks between the group of idiots and the pile of nearly a hundred mutated fusions of flesh and pain. 'All by yourself!?!'

​

'No.' Luffy points to his chef. 'Sanji helped.'

​

He leaps to his feet. 'True, my desire to help Nami Swan, Nojiko chan and Marianne chan filled my legs with the blazing fires of passion. No ugly creature can stop the power of love!'

​

'And you two... humans beat them all!?' Chopper screams in pure disbelief. 'Wapol's munch fruit power has created abominations that have terrorized Drum for months! He has crafted killing machines from the strongest of Drum's predators! They should have torn you all to pieces!'

​

Luffy looks at the pile. 'Well, they were really ugly, and a little scary. But they were really dumb and hungry, so they just kept running at me. So I just kept beating them up until there were no more guys to beat up.'

​

'Do you know why I installed all those traps?!' He points to the halls behind him. 'I turned this center into a gods damned fortress to ward off minor assaults, and you just took out an army of them!?' Chopper's eye twitches. 'Without breaking a sweat!?!'

​

'...Now I remember!' Luffy says angrily. 'I was gonna beat you up for kidnapping us!' He wipes the last of the blood from his gauntlets. 'This is for taking my...'

​

Chopper presses a button on his gauntlet.

​

'...hat! And for... huh?' Luffy stops. 'That feels weird? What is that?'

​

Chopper starts slamming the gauntlet. 'Why isn't the taser working!? I'm up to fifty thousand volts! How can you just shrug off a thunderbolt like it's nothing!?'

​

'Oh. That's cause I'm made of rubber.' He rubs his stomach. 'Ugh. Could you stop that? It's making my belly feel weird. Like that time Ace dared me to eat a Den Mushi.'

​

'You're made of an insulator?' Chopper muses. 'I see, that explains the stretching and elasticity from placing the device in your rectum.'

​

'...'

​

'...'

​

'...'

​

'... I probably shouldn't have said that out loud.' Chopper says to himself.

​

Luffy's mouth drops. 'YOU PUT SOMETHING UP MY BUT!?!'

​

Chopper panics. 'Well, it was the least invasive place I could put...'

​

'Least invasive!?!' Nami roars, charging her lightning gun. 'You put something up my but!? I charge for that!!'

​

'It's the easiest way to place a device for retrieval later!'




The bull girl transforms into her half-beast form. 'NOJIKO SMASH! Smash bad doctor!'

​

'Would I rather have put it in your skull!? Placing the device in your intestine...'

​

Sanji stomps towards him, his feet shattering the stone beneath him. 'Has earned you a one-way ticket to your grave.'

​

Chopper, genius doctor of Drum, now finds himself surrounded by something far worse than an army of flesh-eating mutants. Four very pissed-off superhuman pirates capable of casually killing an army of flesh-eating mutants.

​

'Any last words, gorilla guy?' Luffy cracks his knuckles.

​

'How about "Medical Malpractice"?' Nami points her weapon at his skull.

​

'Or bad!' Nojiko grips her weapon.

​

'And don't even think about using that shock thing you used on us before.' Sanji takes in a lungful of smoke, and lets it out. 'That'll ensure Luffy kills you slower.'

​

Chopper looks around him at a soon-to-be massive beating and makes a massive gamble.

​

He raises his hands. 'Parlay.'

​

'Gesutight.' Luffy prepares to smash Chopper's face in.

​

Chopper frantically waves his hands. 'No! Parlay! I wish to talk! I need your help!'

​

'And why should we help you, Dr Buthole?' Luffy asks.

​

'Well, let's see, I'm a highly skilled doctor for one.' Chopper counts his points on his fingers.

​

'You're a doctor!?' Luffy shouts in disbelief. ‘You?’

​

Chopper ignores him. 'Two, I treated your injuries. Including Nami's sister, with a great cost of resources from myself.'

​

'That is true.' Nami states coldly.

​

'And three.' Chopper says smugly. 'Boom.'

​

Luffy looks at him funny. 'Boom?'

​

'Do you think I'd make F39-001 unbelievably strong and provide her a Devil Fruit simply out of the goodness of my heart?' Chopper says coldly. He laughs. 'No, I did so because I needed a loyal soldier to help me subdue Wapol. She was just in the right place at the right time.'

​

A chilling silence fills the room. Nami looks to her sister fearfully. Sanji looks furious. Nojiko stands still, not getting the hidden implications of the conversation.

​

'Are you threatening my Nakama, Chopper?' Luffy states hatefully.

​

'...if it means saving my mother.' Chopper states firmly. 'Then yes, I am threatening you.'

​

Luffy flinches. His hateful expression suddenly grows the slightest degree less ferocious. 'Your mom? Is she a gorilla too?'

​

The doctor glares at her. 'She is human, the only human I trust and care about. That is why I was so interested in the information you had on her.'

​

'Information... wait a minute!' Nami puts the pieces together. 'Dr Kureha, the doctor we were looking for, is your mother?!'

​

For the first time today, Chopper offers a slight smile. 'Yes. Her papers on potential cures to the Punk Plague were the reason I treated you. Also, they were very helpful in treating F39... Nojiko.'

​

'So, the old hag, your mom, is in danger?' Sanji asks, his ferocious rage blunted for the moment.

​

Chopper nods. 'She left to treat some patients on one of the other plateaus three months ago, and left me to watch the lab. Then Wapol and his conjoined abominations attacked.' He looks to the side in shame. 'My previous attempts to defeat them were pathetic failures.'

​

He looks around him. 'But as monstrous as Wapol is, you are just as freakishly strong as him.' He looks at Luffy, hesitates for a moment before offering a curt bow. 'Please, lend me your strength. I assure you your assistance will be richly rewarded if you can assist me in rescuing her from Wapol’s palace.'

​

'Took you a while to act polite.' Sanji states. 'So, Captain, should I break this guy's spine and make him fix Nojiko?'

​

'Fix Nojiko?' The confused bull girl asks.

​

Luffy stares at the doctor for a full minute. His eyes scan the creature, looking for something hidden from sight. 'And if we beat this Wapol guy up?'

​

'Your friend won't explode.' Chopper states, furrowing his brow. 'And I would be... grateful.'

​

'...okay.'

​

'Luffy!' Nami looks to her captain in shock.

​

'Are you sure, Captain?' Sanji asks tensely.

​

Luffy nods. 'Just because he's a jerk doesn't mean we can't work together. Plus he did help Nojiko.'

​

'Nojiko doesn't like either,' She says. 'But Nojiko agrees. Wapol guy sound bad man.'

​

'And we kinda need a strong doctor guy for our crew so...'

​

'I am not joining a group of pirates.' Chopper firmly states. 'Once Kureha is safe, we'll go home, your debts to me for your treatment will be paid, and that will be the end of our agreement.'




The captain of the Strawhats grins. 'Not if I get your mom to join us. Then you'll have to come with us!'

​

'That is never happening.'

​

'I don't know. I can be prreeeeettttyyy persuasive.'

​

Chopper scoffs, walking towards a large metal door. 'We're wasting time talking. Now come on, we'll take my sled.'

​

Nami shoulders her rifle. 'If there's going to be fighting, we should get the others to help. Or at least Zoro.'

​

Sanji laughs at this. 'Please, moss head couldn't make it to the shore without getting lost. Do you want to search the whole island looking for him?'

​

'Oh, I’ll find him, then I’ll wrap Nojiko's leash around his neck. That'll ensure he won’t get lost when we need him.'

​

'Nojiko hates the leash.'

​

'Well, Nojiko, you don't need it anymore, so Zoro can make use of it.'

​

'Leash bad.'

​

'Are all of you wonderful pirates ready?' Chopper says from the passage entrance. 'Because once we leave, we're not coming back here until the job is done.'

​

'Yeah.' Luffy smashes his fists together.

​

'We're good, gorilla guy.'

​

'Wait!' The chef speaks up. 'We forgot about Marianne!'

​

Nojiko clutches her head. 'Mari...anne?'

​

'Buthole doctor?' Sanji looks at Chopper. 'What happened to her? If you took advantage of the poor maiden, nothing will save you...'

​

'The other girl?' Chopper looks at him with a funny expression. 'I found her frozen to death on your back.'

​

Sanji looks crestfallen. 'Oh.'

​

'She was barely insulted in negative thirty-nine-degree temperatures; what did you expect?' He beckons them out of the door, ignoring anything except the potential rescue of the only human he ever cared about. 'Now quit wasting time. We have a life to save and monsters to kill.'