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Sausages, It was a Tuesday


By Lord Raa


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Chapter 7


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Disclaim-me-do: So, you think your Wu-Tang sword can defeat me?


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As Rei sat down on the couch, Shinji entered the lounge with the tea set.

"Good evening, Ikari-kun," Rei bowed.

Shinji bowed back, but the blue haired girl could tell that Shinji was not comfortable.

"Have I done something to offend you, Ikari-kun?"

"No," Shinji shook his head furiously.

"Right then," Ritsuko pulled out another cigarette from a packet and lit it. "Rei, I've asked you here because I have something very important to tell you."

Rei said nothing, but nodded for the bottle blonde to continue.

"I take it that you know that your origins at exactly what we call normal, don't you?" Ritsuko asked through a blast of smoke.

"Yes."

"What do you mean?" asked a confused Shinji.

"I am not entirely human, Ikari-kun," Rei said after carefully choosing her words.

"What do you mean?"

"What she means is that she is a human/Angel hybrid, Shinji."

"She's a what?" Shinji asked, wide eyed.

"I am part Angel. Your father created me using the DNA of Lilith, the second Angel."

Shinji looked back and forth between the two other people in the room, hoping to detect some sign that this was a joke.

"Come here, Shinji," Ritsuko said, getting up from her seat.

The Third Child followed his guardian to her computer. When Ritsuko switched the monitor back on, she scanned the screen and pointed to the relevant section.

Shinji's lips moved as he read the part that the blonde scientist was referring to.

"So then, what do we do now?"

"There's more, Shinji. And it's shocking" Ritsuko said apologetically.

"What could be more shocking than this?" Shinji asked as he held the desk to steady himself.

Ritsuko turned to the other pilot. "Rei, do you know whose DNA the Commander used to 'create' you?"

"No, I do not," Rei said with a frown.

"Look here," Ritsuko pointed to the important paragraph.

"I was constructed with the DNA of Ikari-kun's mother?"

"Yes. I thought that you should know, Rei."

Shinji collapsed to the floor in shock.

"Ikari-kun!" Rei rushed to his side. "Are you all right, Ikari-kun?"

Shinji blinked. "I-I think so, Ayanami-san."

"Let's get you to the couch, Shinji. You've had a lot to deal with," Ritsuko said in her most reassuring voice.

Shinji hummed in agreement.

As the boy rested, Ritsuko poured herself a large glass of red wine. As she downed it quickly, she saw Rei looking at her.

"What's up Rei? Do you want some?"

"I do not know what wine tastes like," she admitted.

"Here, this isn't exactly a fine vintage, but it's doing its job," Dr. Akagi said as she served her guest some alcohol.

Rei sniffed the offered drink. "What flavour is this? I can smell things that should not come from grapes."

"Wine's flavour comes from many things, Rei. Just drink it, it'll help calm you down."

Rei took the doctor's advice and drank the beverage for its medicinal benefits.

"It is bitter."

"Well, I guess that to the palate of a 14 year old, it would be," Ritsuko dryly surmised. "Now what do you want to do? Your closest friend at school has just discovered that you're an Angel/human hybrid created with his mother's DNA, which at best makes you distant cousins, or worst a freak of nature."

"Ayanami-san is not a freak," Shinji said, sitting up on the couch. "She is my friend, and I will not let people say hurtful things about her."

"That's good, Shinji. But I think that you can be a bit more informal with Rei here," Ritsuko smiled. "I don't know how much of your mother's DNA was used, but I can find out if you want me to."

"Please do, Dr. Akagi. I wish to know how I am related to Ikari-kun," Rei said in what could be construed as an upset tone.

Ritsuko nodded. "I'll check what I've got here. We can do a DNA test in the morning."

"Why use my mother's DNA?" Shinji asked, puzzled.

"It was the Commander, Shinji, he wanted to have your mother back," Ritsuko said as she poured herself another glass of wine.

"But that would mean that he might want to... with Ayanami-san..." Shinji looked off colour. "I think I'm going to be sick."

The two ladies quickly helped Shinji to the toilet, hoping to make it in time.

As Shinji loudly wretched into the toilet, Rei asked the Doctor a very pertinent question. "Why did you show us this information?"

Ritsuko closed her eyes and took a deep breath. "Can I trust you not to tell anyone, Rei?"

"If the Commander orders me to disclose what happened here, I would obey his orders," Rei admitted.

"Then I can't tell you, Rei. But don't you think that Shinji needed to know about you? What if you two wanted to pursue a relationship? If you're related, it's incest."

"I am incapable of bearing children, Dr. Akagi," Rei stated simply. "The main reason for its taboo is because of genetic abnormalities."

"I know. But the principle is still there. If we make it out of this alive, don't you think that Shinji deserves a normal life?"

"I do, Doctor. I must confess that I have tried to see Ikari-kun in a romantic scenario, but it did not feel... appropriate."

Ritsuko smiled in relief when she heard that from the quiet pilot. "So then, what do you think of Shinji?"

"Ika-," Rei started before catching her slip, "Shinji-kun is an honourable young man. He does not wish harm on anybody and will frequently place himself in danger to prevent injury on their part. I believe that he deserves a chance at happiness for this fact alone."

"And what are you going to do about it?" Ritsuko asked as realised that Rei could play an active part in her plan for revenge.

Shinji flushed the toilet and rinse his mouth out with tap water.

"Are you feeling better, Shinji?" the still smoking woman asked when he opened the door.

"A-a little, Ritsuko-san."

"That is good, Shinji-kun."

"Rei?" Ritsuko and Shinji asked in unison.

"Dr. Akagi thought that it would be appropriate for us to address each other in a more informal manner."

Ritsuko extinguished her cigarette and lit up another. "Well that's a good development. Rei, I'm sorry but I think that you should go now. I'll take care of Shinji, but I must ask you to keep what you learned her to yourself."

"I understand," Rei nodded. "I will mention that Shinji-kun is not feeling well."

"Thank you, Rei," Shinji said with a weak smile.


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At the Katsuragi apartment, Asuka was trying her best to keep the mountains of filth at bay.

"Where the Hell does all this mess come from?" the irate redhead demanded.

"What do you mean, Asuka? There's just the two of us here," Misato said as she prepared their evening meal.

The two ladies didn't see the guilty look on a certain aquatic waterfowl's face.

Asuka sniffed the air. "Curry ramen again?"

"Hey, I don't see you offering to cook," Misato shot back angrily. "I miss Shinji's cooking," she added in quiet and slightly saddened voice.

The Second Child pretended not to hear that last comment as she sat herself down at the table. "Let's get this 'meal' over with. Ittadakimasu."


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In the Commander's office, Fuyutsuki mulled over Gendo's options for dealing with the little hiccup that Dr. Akagi had caused.

The first one was to use an assassin to eliminate the blonde woman. This had merit because it would prevent any more deviation from Gendo's plans for his child. The downside was that Ritsuko was still useful when it came to dealing with any problems that came up with the MAGI.

The second solution that his former student presented was to manipulate Ritsuko into betraying Shinji or making the Third Child believe that she had betrayed him. This alternative would require more planning and subtle goading, but it seemed like the best option, as it meant that the Doctor would still be around to deal with any "unforeseen technical difficulties" that might crop up if SEELE decided to interfere with their plans.

He told his former student of his opinion.

"I see that you are as cautious as ever, Sensei. Very well, we shall keep Dr. Akagi around for a bit longer, at least until her replacement is ready," the bearded man sneered.


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Back at Ritsuko's apartment, Shinji's face had regained some of his normal colour.

"W-when did you know about Rei?" he asked, still shaken by the revelation.

Ritsuko hugged Shinji. "I can't tell you at the moment, Shinji."

Shinji looked the blond in the eyes for further explanation.

"I'm sorry, Shinji, but if I told you, it would hurt you. You've just had possibly the biggest shock of your life and if I told you everything I know about NERV then you'd have a mental breakdown," Ritsuko's voice was honest. "I may not be the best human being on the planet, Shinji, but I do have a sense of moral decency."

Shinji nodded slowly. "But what about my father?"

"Him? He's a complete bastard," Ritsuko snorted. "It wouldn't surprise me if he tried to prevent you from seeing Rei."

Shinji frowned. While it was true that Shinji did not want to engage in a romantic relationship with the blue haired girl, he considered her to be his friend. "Is he trying to control Rei?"

"Trying? He's been doing that since she came out from her tank," Ritsuko said before looking for her wine glass.

"I don't understand," Shinji said as his roommate began pouring her third glass of wine of the evening. "I thought that you only just found out about Rei being... you know."

"Oh shit," Ritsuko cursed under her breath. Downing her alcohol, she faced Shinji. "I'm sorry Shinji, but there is so much more going on at NERV than you can possibly imagine. My mother and I have been involved in some VERY nasty secrets with your father."

Shinji place his hands over his eyes and began to weep.

"I'm truly sorry, Shinji," Ritsuko held the sobbing Third Child in her arms. "I never meant to hurt you. If there was any way I can make it up to you, then please, tell me."

Shinji nodded, but said nothing.

"I think you should get some rest, Shinji, you look like you need it."


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To be continued...

This was another short chapter that was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

Are there any questions?

Return of the omake, since it was so well received last time (i.e. no-one shouted abuse at me).


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Omake 1


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"I'm truly sorry, Shinji," Ritsuko held the sobbing Third Child in her arms. "I never meant to hurt you. If there was any way I can make it up to you, then please, tell me."

"Will you hold me?" Shinji asked in a quiet, pleading voice.

"What?"

"Will you hold me?" Shinji repeated.

"Ok," Ritsuko agreed, wrapping her arms around the pilot.

"Not like that," Shinji admonished.

"What do you mean," Ritsuko asked, hoping that the stories Misato had told her were both true and false at the same time.

"Hold them," the pilot moved the blondes hand "south of the border".

"Oh my," Ritsuko murmured as she copped a feel of the young man. "Don't mind if I do!"


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Omake 2


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"I'm truly sorry, Shinji," Ritsuko held the sobbing Third Child in her arms. "I never meant to hurt you like this."

Shinji sniffled and nodded.

"I meant to hurt you like this," Ritsuko said turning Shinji over onto his front and pulling him on her lap for a spanking.

"How do you like that?" the blonde asked, punctuating her words with slaps to Shinji's buttocks.

Shinji struggled free. "Misato was right: you are a pervert!"


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Omake 3


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"I don't understand," Shinji said as his roommate began pouring her third glass of wine of the evening. "I thought that you only just found out about Rei being... you know."

'Oh shit,' Ritsuko thought. Downing her alcohol, she face Shinji. "I'm sorry Shinji, but there is so much more going on at NERV than you can possibly imagine. My mother and I have been involved in some VERY nasty secrets with your father."

"Then I must punish you," Shinji grinned evilly. "Now what would be appropriate...?"

The pilot's eyes scanned the room. His gaze settled on the balcony. "Get on the balcony, it's time for you to get some fresh air."

As Ritsuko walked to the door, she was stopped by Shinji. "What are you doing clothed? It wouldn't be punishment if you weren't naked."

"My apologies, Lord Shinji."


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Omake 4 (because "Pervert Rei" was popular)


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"Ayanami-san is my mother?" a panicking Shinji asked.

"Yes," Ritsuko nodded.

"But that's impossible!"

"Search your feelings, Son, you know it to be true," Rei insisted.

"B-b-but I felt you up in your apartment!" Shinji protested, feeling a little bit ill.

Rei smiled. "That is nothing, I have felt up most of the NERV staff. I frequently use the security system to watch you shower."

Shinji turned to Ritsuko, who just nodded at the blue haired girl's statement.

"Now undress, Son," Rei instructed.

Shinji shook his head.

"Do as your mother tells you, Shinji," Ritsuko admonished. "How else are we going to have freaky and illegal sex?"


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Until laterer comes, folks.