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Sausages, It was a Tuesday


By Lord Raa


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Chapter 11


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Disclaim-me-do: For some reason, people like it when I update.


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"F-father wrote these records?" Shinji asked hesitantly.

"Yes," Ritsuko answered, leading Shinji to the couch.

Shinji sat down with a depressed sigh. "What now, Ritsuko-san?"

"I don't know for certain, Shinji."

Shinji curled up on the end of couch and began to weep.

'Damn it! I didn't plan for him to end up like this,' Ritsuko scolded herself.

"But you were willing to use him to get revenge on Gendo," a voice in her head spoke up as she reached over to comfort Shinji. "That makes you as bad as him. What now, Ritsuko? Are you going to take advantage of an emotional wreck to serve your own purpose?"

Stopping herself from doing something that she'd regret, Dr. Akagi moved away from the distraught pilot. 'I can't even comfort a young man,' she thought with disgust, 'how useless am I?'

'NO!' Ritsuko's head snapped up. 'That's just want Gendo wants me to think.'

Shinji moved round when he heard the black cat meow at them.

"Hello, Penny-chan," Shinji said with a forced smile.

The cat looked at the pair with a feline's usual disdain and left them to wallow in their pity, inadvertently drawing Shinji's attention to Ritsuko.

"Are you ok, Ritsuko-san?"

"I don't know, Shinji," the blonde sighed.

Shinji, upon seeing that his roommate was in the same boat, pulled Ritsuko into a clumsy embrace.

After a moment, Shinji realised what he was doing and quickly scooted away from the blonde.

"Ack! I'm sorry, Ritsuko-san," he said with his head touching the floor. "I didn't mean to take advantage of you like that. Please let me get my things, and I'll be out of your way for good."

Ritsuko's hand shot out and stopped the pilot dead. "Don't go, Shinji-kun, it's not your fault."

"R-ritusko-san?"

"Thank you," Ritsuko smiled. "I needed that, Shinji-kun. It's nice to feel some genuine affection for once."

Shinji nodded.

Ritsuko pulled Shinji into another embrace, much to the young Ikari's embarrassment.

"Just hold me for a bit longer, Shinji," Ritsuko asked. "I promise that I won't force you to do anything."


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Back at the hot spring at Mt. Asama, Misato cornered Rei.

"Rei, can I speak with you?"

"About what, Captain Katsuragi?" Rei asked, seeing the redheaded pilot look up from her book.

Misato also saw this. "You don't mind coming to my room, do you? It's something personal."

"In that case, I will accompany you," Rei nodded politely.


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Misato opened up a beer as Rei sat down opposite her.

"What did you want to discuss, Captain?" the pilot asked.

"Your brother."

Rei's facial expression didn't change in the slightest.

"I'm talking about Shinji," Misato sighed, before talking a long drink of her beer.

"What about Shinji-kun?" Rei asked.

"How are you his sister?"

"I am not at liberty to discuss that," Rei non-answered. "Please do not ask me that question again."

Misato's eye twitched for a moment and then she downed the rest of her beer.

"May I ask you a question now, Captain Katsuragi?"

Misato shrugged. "Go right ahead."

"What does it mean to be human?"

"Pardon?" Misato leant in. "I didn't know that you wanted to discuss philosophy. Why now of all times?"

"It is something that has weighed on my mind since I discovered that Shinji is my brother," Rei answered.

Now Misato was interested in philosophy, at least for the evening. "I'd say that being human is like, like..." Misato trailed off as she searched for a metaphor.

Help was at hand when she saw the empty can of beer in her hand. "Being human is like beer, Rei."

"Beer?" Rei asked, not understanding.

"Yeah, let me show you," Misato smiled as she grabbed a couple of cans from the fridge. "Think of the aluminium can as our physical bodies, shells if you will."

Rei nodded as two cans were opened and one was passed to her.

"With out the beer, they're empty, worthless. But when you put in the right ingredients, water, hops, barley and yeast, you get something special - beer."

"But, is we are using beer as a metaphor," Rei countered, "how do we know that the can will contain beer and not a barley based concoction?"

"That's what it means to be human, the can of beer is more than the sum of its components. It's the same with people, that extra spark that allows us to think for ourselves and feel happy and sad and all the rest is like beer."

"I do not understand," Rei apologised.

"Drink up," Misato smiled, "then you'll understand."

Rei sipped and grimaced. "I dislike the taste of beer."

Misato smiled. "I should hope so at your age, Miss Ayanami. I remember my first beer."

"Are your memories important to you?" Rei asked.

"Memories are part of what makes us human, Rei," Misato smiled. "Being able to remember experiences and encounters are part of what makes us all unique. And some people consider what life is all about."

"I see," said Rei as she sipped at her beer.


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Several hours later, Ritsuko woke to the sound of a gently snoring Shinji using her bosom for a pillow. She managed to keep her reaction under control when she noticed that her hand had slipped down to hold him close to her body.

Lifting the sleeping boy up, Ritsuko carried him to his room.

"I hope that you'll be ok, Shinji-kun. I don't like seeing you hurt," she said softly to the sleeping boy.


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Ritsuko followed her black cat into the kitchen, intent on feeding the hungry feline when Kaji kicked her door in and pulled out a silenced pistol.

"On the couch. Now!"

"Kaji, what's going on here?"

Kaji pressed the cold steel weapon against Ritsuko's temple. "I said on the couch. I'm here to talk with you about your little plan."

"What plan?" Ritsuko asked, moving on to the couch as ordered.

"You know what I'm talking about: the one where you seduce Shinji as revenge. It's not going to happen. The Commander's orders are absolute," Kaji said unapologetically.

"Wa...!" Ritsuko bargaining attempt was ended by two bullets to her forehead.


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Ritsuko shot bolt upright in her bed, sweat pouring off her.

"I'm alive?" she asked herself, checking her head for signs of injury.

Calming down, she tried to continue her night's rest as it was only 2.45am.

But sleep would not come for the scientist. "Damn it!" she cursed.

'Might as well see what else Mother's link has found out,' Ritsuko decided.


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Rei sat alone on the VTOL that she had requested. Normally use of NERV resources for such frivolous things as a taxi service would have resulted in disciplinary measures, but Rei was a special case.

That was something that had been made very clear to all NERV personnel - you treat a request from Rei Ayanami as if it was one from Commander Ikari.

Rei was now sobering up after a night's drinking and discussion with Captain Katsuragi, and considered what Misato had said about memories. She herself did not
remember what had happened to her as the records had described. Did this mean
that her backup would have no memories of her brother Shinji?

Rei frowned, this was not acceptable. She needed to be around to support her brother.

She still was going over the woman's final coherent words of "what are you talking about? You can't have spares, Rei" in her mind as she sped through the early morning to NERV headquarters.


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Shinji woke up normally, feeling refreshed, but still slightly uncertain about what to do with the situation surrounding his family. Shrugging off his doubts for the time being, he rose to his feet and walked out to the bathroom.

After washing and dressing, he walked out to the kitchen, planning on making breakfast and lunch.

What he didn't expect to see was Ritsuko slumped at her computer, a thin trail of drool running onto her shoulder.

Shaking his head, the Third Child stepped up to Ritsuko and shook her gently. "Ritsuko-san?"

Shinji continued in his attempts to rouse the woman from her slumber when his attention was drawn to the computer screen.

"I'm awake, Ikari-san," Ritsuko mumbled. Her eyes regained their ability to focus and saw her roommate standing there. "Shinji-kun?"

Shinji failed to reply, his focus was still directed at the monitor.

Ritsuko's eyes flicked to what held Shinji's rapt attention.

"Oh shit."

On the screen, the image in question was a live surveillance shot of a piece if equipment that Shinji was never meant to see.

"Shinji, I can explain," Ritsuko started.

"H-how can you explain a tank of Reis?" Shinji asked, looking Ritsuko straight in the eye.

"They're the back-ups," Ritsuko answered, flinching. "The Commander ordered them."

"Back-ups? They're people, imprisoned on my father's orders and I'm going to free them," Shinji said, turning to leave.

"Wait!" Ritsuko called out. "Shinji, you can't just wander in there, you don't have clearance."

"D-does Rei know about the, the t-tank?" Shinji asked, turning back as his adrenaline rush quickly wearing off.

"I'd say that's a yes," Ritsuko pointed at the screen. She started looking for a pack of cigarettes.

The screen showed Rei walking up to the control panel on the LCL filled tank.

Ritsuko and Shinji flinched at the scene of a dozen "spare Reis" being reduced to chunks of flesh.

"My God," Ritsuko stammered.

"W-what do we do now?" Shinji asked, slumping down on the couch.


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To be continued...


The majority of this was written in the space of about seven hours and was pre-read by Chi Vayne.

Now for something a bit silly: - omake.


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Omake 1 "From the makers of Pervert Rei"...


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Misato was happy that she'd finally managed to get the pilots to relax.

Though something was not right in the purple headed woman's mind. She was having difficulty putting her finger on what was absent.

What was missing was the sake - Rei had just drained the bottle.

"Rei?" the captain asked, noticing the empty container.

"I can see why you get drunk every day, Misato," a glassy eyed and red faced Rei slurred. "Asuka's a megabitch."

"What have you done, Misato?" Ritsuko asked.

Turning her inebriated ire to the blonde scientist, Rei continued her tirade. "Your roots need touching up."

Misato was beginning to regret giving the albino pilot alcohol.

"You," Rei pointed a finger at her host, "you are a floozy. I don't know what Kaji sees in you. Other than your enormous tits. Bouncy-bouncy!"

"You," Rei shot a flirty look at Shinji, "you need to show me that you're not ALL soft."

Shinji blushed furiously as Rei stroked the top of his leg.

"What do you mean, megabitch?" Asuka demanded, slamming her hands on the table.

"You're proving my point," Rei grinned. "You keep hitting Shinji-kun, is that the only way you know how to show affection?"

"You slag!" Asuka dived at Rei, intent on punishing her for her insolence.


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Omake 2


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Rei walked up to the control panel on the LCL filled tank.

"My pretties, your programming is now complete. Lord Shinji gives his blessing for your mission," Rei bowed slightly to the clones in the tank.

"Now be free, find the finest women in the world and bring them back to Lord Shinji."

As the tank drained and the clones slowly moved towards the exits Lady Rei stepped back.

"I am sexy. I do hope that one will stay behind to help me keep Lord Shinji company," Lady Rei said aloud.

Unfortunately, the clones were still operating on a mob mentality. A chorus "I will" echoed through the room, causing the dominatrix to panic slightly.

"I did not plan for this to happen."


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Omake 3


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At Mt. Asama, Misato was relaxing with Rei and Asuka. It having been a long and stressful day gave Misato the idea that a few beers would go down a treat.

The ladies of NERV sat in Misato's room supping a few ales when Asuka suggested that they play "Truth or Dare".

"How about you, Rei, truth or dare?" Misato smiled over her can.

"Truth," Rei answered automatically.

"Is there a boy you like?"

"There are several males that I enjoy the company of," Rei replied.

"Name one," Asuka smirked.

"Shinji-kun. His gentle nature makes for good foreplay. What about you Sohryu, is there a male that you are intimate with?"

"I'm not that kind of girl!" the redhead blushed.

"Oh. Is there a male partner in your private life, Captain Katsuragi?"

"I was sort of thinking about hooking up with Kaji," Misato said wistfully. "But you say that Shinji makes with the foreplay?"

"It is his speciality," Rei nodded. "Agent Kaji is only really good for a 'quickie' in the supply closet."

"But we used to make love for hours when we were in college, "Misato pouted.

"I believe that exposure to Commander Ikari induces male impotence. It would explain why Shinji-kun is so good and Kaji-san is mediocre."

"What? Kaji is not mediocre!" Asuka screamed at the blue haired pilot. "He's so manly and wonderful!"

"I've had better," Rei stated calmly. "From both males and females. I would recommend Class Representative Horaki's older sister if you are interested in exploring that aspect of human sexuality. She is excellent."

"I'm surprised that you didn't offer yourself there, Rei," Misato cut in.

"I do not find Sohryu that attractive. You, on the other hand," Rei pointed at the purple haired woman, "flick my switch. I would like to tap into your wealth of knowledge."

"I'm not like that," Misato insisted.

"I see. Would the addition of Shinji-kun make the offer more appealing? I can learn by watching if you would rather I not participate," Rei offered.


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Omake 4

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Shinji woke up normally, feeling refreshed, but still slightly uncertain about what to do with the situation surrounding his family. Shrugging off his doubts for the time being, he rose to his feet and walked out to the bathroom.

After washing and dressing, he walked out to the kitchen, planning on making breakfast and lunch.

What he didn't expect to see was a semi-naked Ritsuko slumped at her computer, a thin trail of drool running onto her shoulder.

Shaking his head, the Third Child stepped up to Ritsuko and shook her gently. "Ritsuko-san?"

Shinji continued in his attempts to rouse the woman from her slumber when his attention was drawn to the computer screen.

"That's me!" he shouted.

"What?" Ritsuko said groggily. "Oh, good morning Shinji-kun."

"What are you doing with naked pictures of me?" Shinji demanded.

"I was masturbating before I fell asleep, what did you think I was doing?"

"Where did you get them from? They're not from the Sync Tests."

"Rei sold them to me. They cost me a fair bit, as they're not doctored," Ritsuko explained.

"Sold out by my own sister," Shinji whined.


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Until laterer comes, folks.