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Sausages, It was a Tuesday


By Lord Raa


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Chapter 15


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Disclaim-me-do: It's easy to occupy the moral high ground. What's more difficult is to comfortably occupy the moral low ground.


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Rei sat with Ritsuko and Misato as they discussed the situation with Shinji and his father.

"Are you sure that the Commander said that?" Misato asked, not liking the way he referred to her or Ritsuko.

"Yes. Shinji-kun was most distraught and assaulted the Commander with an enamelled steel bedpan," Rei added. "Were the circumstances different, I believe that it would have been a comical sight."

"The Bastard King got smacked in the face with a bedpan?" Ritsuko asked, barely able to keep a smile from her lips.

"Yes," Rei nodded.

"And you think that this could have been funny under different circumstances?" the blonde followed up.

By this time, Misato had mild case of the giggles, but that was because she could tell that her old friend thought the whole thing was incredibly silly.

"I do," the blue haired girl answered. "Had the bedpan been full, then I believe that the incident would have elicited laughter from Nurse Tamura."

Now the older women burst out laughing at the mental image of their arrogant, stony faced commander lying in a hospital bed, bruised, battered and covered in shit.

"That's fabulous, Rei," Misato said as she clutched at her sides. The laughter subsided after a couple of minutes.

"Thanks, I needed that," Ritsuko smiled as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"Hey you guys, what's up?" Asuka asked as she approached the table.

"Rei was just telling us what happened when Shinji went to visit the Commander," Misato replied, unable to keep the giggles from her voice.

"So Shinji's awake? Why don't we pay him a visit?" Asuka suggested, slightly unnerved by the uncharacteristic mirth coming from Dr. Akagi.

"Yeah, let's so see Shin-chan," Misato said, getting up from her seat.


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Shinji was slightly startled by the knock on his door.

"Come in," he called out.

"Shin-chan!" Misato greeted with her usual enthusiasm. The sort that involved him becoming well acquainted with her cleavage.

"Misato, he needs air," Ritsuko chided gently. "How are you feeling, Shinji?"

"I'm doing ok," the pilot replied when he had enough air in his lungs to speak. "How are you and Rei?"

"I told you yesterday that we'll be fine a couple of days," the bottle blonde smiled. "So what are you going to do when they let you out of here?"

"I was going to make Misato-san a nice dinner," the shy boy answered. "To thank her for saving me."

"You don't need to do that for me," Misato said, ruffling his hair.

"It's the least I could do," Shinji insisted.

"Ok, since you insist," the purple haired woman smiled playfully. In reality, she was looking forward to a nice meal that wasn't going to cost her an arm and a leg.

Asuka shook her head; she knew what her guardian was up to. Not that she blamed her.

Before the other pilots could say anything to their injured colleague, the Angel Alarms started to sound.

"Shit!" Misato cursed. "Don't we ever get a break? Asuka, Rei, can you pilot?"

"Yes," Rei nodded.

"Hey, who else is going to save the day?" the redhead smirked arrogantly. "Let's go, Wondergirl, we've got an Angel to kill."

"What about me?" Shinji asked.

"You're not piloting like that," Ritsuko told him. "But you can come up to the bridge to watch."

"Right then, you two," Misato said pointing at the female pilots, "get suited up and ready to sortie. Ritsuko and I will be up at the bridge soon enough."

Ritsuko grabbed the wheelchair that Nurse Tamura had used to take Shinji to see his father.


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Minutes later, Misato, Ritsuko and Shinji were on the bridge looking at the data that the MAGI had collated on the Angel.

"Report!" the Tactical Officer ordered, the numbers were making no sense to her whatsoever.

"The Angel is moving over to the vents in the East section of the Geo-Front," Maya replied. "Its AT Field doesn't appear to be that strong."

"Good," Misato decided. "Rei, Asuka, are you ready to launch?"

"¬Ready when you are, Misato!¬" the red suited girl smirked over the comm. system.

"¬Ready to sortie, Captain Katsuragi.¬"

"Right then, Asuka, you take point."


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Asuka and Rei rocketed to the surface via the Eva transport system. They came to a stop with a massive, bone shuddering jolt.

"I really hate that," the redhead grumbled.

"I also dislike this aspect of piloting Eva," Rei agreed. "There is the Angel."

The two Evas' scanners alerted the pilots to the details of Tokyo-3's latest attacker.

"I hate spiders," Asuka growled with narrowed eyes. "Really hate the bastards."

Unit-02 took aim with its pallet rifle and fired a short burst at the spindly legged monster. A single round glanced off its left most leg.

"¬I think you caught its attention,¬" Misato said over the radio. "¬Be careful, you two, we don't know what it can do.¬"

"Bah," the Second Child snorted. "Watch this!"

Asuka fired as she advanced on the monstrous arachnid, the large calibre rounds making a series of indentations on its armoured hide and surrounding surfaces.

Striding up to the beast, Asuka replaced her now empty rifle with a fresh one from a cache en route.

"¬Careful, Asuka, we're still getting signs of life from the Angel,¬" warned Misato. "¬Rei, open fire, don't give it a chance to recover.¬"

"Acknowledged," the blue haired girl replied before peppering the spider-like monster with rounds from her own pallet rifle.

Asuka, now only a hundred metres or so away from twitching Angel, observed what she assumed to be its death throes.

"¬Asuka,¬" Ritsuko called out, "¬something's not right. Finish it off with your progressive knife!¬"

"Roger that."

Unit-02 pulled out its melee weapon and stalked up to the convulsing intruder. As the scarlet machine closed the distance, a leg lashed out and would have caught the humanoid off guard, had its pilot not been as cautious.

Pilot Sohryu grabbed the appendage and brought the progressive knife down on it, neatly slicing the limb in two.

The Angel kicked back into life, attempting to knock the Eva down, but Asuka's years of training make itself known when, with a series of lightning quick slashes, she removed all the black, flailing legs.

Rei took this opportunity to get close to the Angel, not sure of what other weapons it had.

'It probably has a self-defence mechanism,' she thought with a frown.

The First Child's concern was well founded when Unit-02 stabbed its energised blade through the spider's carapace, causing a fount of fluid to gush forth.

Activating her AT Field, Rei managed to keep Asuka from receiving a face full of acid.

When the spray subsided, the pilots were contacted by the bridge.

"¬Good work, you two. Come back to base, and we can go home early,¬" Misato smiled.


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Fuyutsuki nodded in approval as he watched the replay of the mission during the debriefing. "Rei, Asuka, both of you showed good initiative today."

"Thank you, sir," Rei nodded.

Asuka said nothing, but smiled as she basked in the praise.

"Well, since there is nothing else to add at this time, you're dismissed."


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Ritsuko walked with Misato and Shinji back to the injured boy's room.

"According to the doctors, you're making excellent progress, Shinji-kun," the bottle blonde smiled. "You should be out of here in a day or two."

"That's nice," Shinji smiled. "Have you thought about what you want me to cook for you, Misato-san?"

The purple haired woman blinked. "Er, not really, Shin-chan. I'm sure that what ever you make will be lovely."

Shinji's response to the praise was to blush lightly.

"Well," Ritsuko broke awkward pause when they arrived at their destination, "we've got paperwork to do, so we'll catch you later. Get some rest, ok, Shinji-kun?"

Shinji nodded as he yawned.


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As Ritsuko and Misato walked to the scientist's office, the blonde mentioned Shinji's reaction to her friend's comments.

"Shinji-kun's got a crush on you, Misato."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Ritsuko repeated. "If you don't think of him that way, then tell him as soon as possible. Don't drag it out."

"Are you giving me advice on relationships?" Misato asked with slight chuckle.

"No," the labcoat clad woman shook her head. "I'm just saying that if you don't want that kind of relationship with Shinji, let him down as gently and as soon as you can. The poor kid's been through enough as it is without his heart getting broken."

"You know, some might think that you're the one with the interest in Shinji," Misato teased, "seeing as he's somehow managed to catch your attention."

Ritsuko half expected that response. "I'll have you know that I've never thought of Shinji as a potential partner, sexual or otherwise."

"Well, what should I do then?" the Captain asked, her hands on her hips.

"Tell him that he's the little brother you never had and that he's your best friend," the now smoking woman answered with a shrug. "Or you tell him that you're looking for love and that he might just be the one. I really don't care, just as long as it's the truth."

"That's not really I had in mind, Ritsuko," Misato said as she rolled her eyes. "But I suppose that you're right."

"How do you feel about Shinji-kun, Captain Katsuragi?" a quiet voice asked from behind the older women.

"Rei?"

"Yes. What are your intentions towards my brother? I do not wish to see him hurt," the red eyed girl almost threatened.

"Hey, what kind of girl do you think I am?" the beer drinker demanded, picking up on the unspoken warning.

"I do not know," Rei admitted. "But I do not wish to see Shinji-kun hurt emotionally so soon after his assault."

"Alright, I'll admit that I like Shinji, ok? But I'm not going to jump his bones! It might be different if he were ten years older," Misato added in a small voice.

Ritsuko shook her head at her friend's admission. 'Has it really been that long, Misato?'


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Asuka walked along the corridor to Shinji's room, wondering what she should say to her former roommate. She knew that he'd been injured to the extent that he couldn't pilot, but that was about all she'd been told.

Knocking on the door, she took a deep breath.

"Shinji are you awake?"

"Come in, Asuka."

Upon opening the door, Asuka saw that Shinji seemed quite content, despite his heavily bandaged legs. "How's it going? You in much pain?"

"It's not too bad," the Third Child smiled, though the look in his eye was a tad vacant. "The doctors gave me some painkillers so everything feels a bit detached at the moment."

The redhead merely nodded, not really knowing how to respond to the slightly stoned boy on the bed.

Shinji yawned loudly. "Sorry about that, Asuka."

"Meh, don't worry about it," the girl waved nonchalantly. "It's been a long day for all of us. We should get some rest, I'll swing by tomorrow."

"Ok," Shinji nodded. "I'll see you tomorrow," he added as he yawned.


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As Asuka headed to the car park, where she was expecting to meet up with Misato, she was accosted by Rei.

"Pilot Sohryu, I would like to speak with you in private."

"Ok," the redhead shrugged. "What about?"

"Shinji-kun," Rei said with her normal, serious tone.

"What? Are you warning me away so you can finally going to confess your love to him?" Asuka smirked, before continuing on her journey. "I swear that I'll never understand your Japanese dating rituals."

"That was not what I wanted to talk to you about," Rei frowned. "I wanted to talk about your treatment of my brother."

That nugget of information stopped the blue-eyed pilot in her tracks.

"What the hell are you talking about 'my treatment of your brother'?" Asuka demanded, glaring daggers at the pale skinned girl.

"Shinji-kun is my only family and I do not wish to see him hurt further," Rei explained.

"What makes you think that I want to hurt him?"

"The physical assault that resulted in his relocation into Dr. Akagi's care," the blue haired pilot stated calmly.

"That was an accident!" Asuka shouted. "I don't go around beating the shit out of people for fun!"

"But have you not enjoyed inflicted harm on Suzuhara-kun and Aida-kun?"

"That's different! Those idiots are perverts that were selling pictures of me!" Asuka defended herself.

"I did not know that," said Rei, her head inclined apologetically. "Then it is a safe assumption you do not have any intention to physical harm Shinji-kun?"

Asuka was aghast. "No!"

"Then is it your intention to engage in a romantic relationship with Shinji-kun?" the blue haired girl asked.

"What makes you think that I find that baka attractive?" the Second Child stammered.

"Your reaction to him," Ritsuko answered as she walked up to the pilots. "Rei, I thought that we had discussed keeping your relationship with Shinji-kun secret."

"I thought it was necessary to divulge that information so I could ascertain what Pilot Sohryu wanted to do with Shinji-kun," Rei explained.

"Hey! What do you mean 'my reaction to him'?" Asuka demanded.

"You treat him badly because you don't know how to treat him like you would a boyfriend," Ritsuko explained as she took a drag on her cigarette. "It's a textbook case really."

"What are you smoking, Akagi? I know how to treat Kaji properly!"

"My point, dear Asuka," the blonde said in a "bored teacher" tone, "is that while your crush on Kaji is as clear as day, it's that you aren't sure of your feelings towards Shinji."

"What about you?" the volatile redhead demanded. "What's your plan for Shinji? You like taking little boys home?"

Ritsuko's vaguely pleasant demeanour vanished. "Why does everybody assume that I'm some kind of pervert?"




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To be concluded...


The next update should wrap everything up.

Notice how I didn't add the word nicely there.

It was pre-read by Chi Vayne, and now, time for some omake...


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Omake 1


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Shinji stormed angrily into Misato's apartment.

"Is something wrong, Shinji?" she asked with a disarming smile.

"Yes," Shinji said in a terse manner, "you could say that."

"What is it?"

"I found out that my own sister was selling pictures of me to the local perverts," Shinji answered with a shudder.

Misato put on her best poker face. "Oh. Is that so?"

"Yes," Shinji drawled. "But unless she's able to turn invisible and sneak in here unnoticed, it's either you or Asuka that's taking pictures of me when I'm sleeping."

"I'm shocked that you'd think that I'd take advantage of you like that, Shinji," Misato huffed. Inwardly though, she was panicking as the "Sleeping Shinji" series of snapshots were taking care of her rent and car repayments.

"Really, Misato," Asuka smirked. "I've seen footage of you sneaking into Shinji's room."

"WHAT?" Shinji screamed. "Where did you get that footage?"

"The internet, where else?" Asuka shrugged. "Here, let me show you."

Asuka led her fellow pilot to the laptop and showed him the webcam feed.

"Who put that there?" Shinji asked feeling incredibly unnerved at the notion of being the centre of unsavoury attention.

"Yes, who's putting cameras in my home?" Misato demanded.

"I don't know," Asuka insisted.

"Wait, how did you find out about this feed?" Misato asked slyly.

"I was searching the web for more information on this really cute boy that was on the internet that Hikari was going on about," the redhead admitted reluctantly. "I thought that I'd see what all the fuss was about."

"But..." Shinji mumbled incoherently.

"Do you enjoy watching Shinji in his room, Asuka-chan?" Misato teased.

"No, he's really boring. I pay nearly 10,000 yen a month for this feed - I expect quality entertainment. I barely get to peek at naked flesh."

Shinji blinked. "Pardon?"

"Never mind that, baka, you should concentrate on finding out who's ripping off people with this 'intimate live feed'," Asuka neatly deflected attention away from her own perversions.


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Omake 2


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"That's different! Those idiots are perverts that were selling pictures of me!" Asuka defended herself. "What would you do if they were taking photos of you?"

"I would have Section Two take bring them here for questioning, then discipline them myself by using a 15 inch black rubber cock and sell the video footage to fetish markets. They would rue the day they messed with me."

Asuka backed away, slightly unnerved by her fellow pilot's malicious grin.

"Do not be such a prude, Pilot Sohryu," Rei admonished. "I thought that you European women were more open-minded. Besides, the revenue from such sales would be impressive."


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Omake 3 (Inspired by comments from Innortal.)


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"What about you?" the volatile redhead demanded. "What's your plan for Shinji? You like taking little boys home?"

Ritsuko's vaguely pleasant demeanour vanished. "Why does everybody assume that I'm some kind of pervert?"

Rei blinked once before pulling a strange suit out of her backpack that had Asuka stammering and Ritsuko paling. "I do believe my brother was asked to wear this while cleaning at your apartment. However, I fail to see how wearing leather pants this tight and a top that is little more than a binding apparatus would help in cleaning matters."

Asuka just took a deep breath, hoping Rei would not ask the good doctor whom she had borrowed that off of.

Before more embarrassing questions could be asked by the blue haired pilot, Misato walked up to the blushing trio.

"Hey! That's mine!"

"Captain Katsuragi?" Rei asked, unconsciously stroking the insides of the tight leather pants.

"Yeah, I had that made special for Shinji to wear," Misato explained. "But it went missing when Asuka moved in..."

Asuka gulped when he noticed that her guardian was carrying her sidearm. Recent events had shown that she was ready, willing and able to use it.

"Care to explain how you came into possession of that, Rei?" the purple haired woman asked with a twitch.

"I found it in Dr. Akagi's apartment."

"Ritsuko?"

"Asuka lent it to me!"

"Traitor!" the redhead screamed before running off into the darkness of the underground car park.


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Come on, you know that Ritsuko's line was just begging to be used in an omake at some point.


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Omake 4


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Rei let herself into Misato's apartment with the NERV issue skeleton key that she'd borrowed.

"Pen-pen are you there?" the blue haired girl asked with a hint of excitement in her voice.

"Waark," was the reply that sounded from the kitchen.

Rei smiled and made her way to where the penguin was sitting.

"Waark?"

"Straight to business, I like that," Rei nodded. "I have heard much about this 'French Flipper Trick' of yours, and I would like to experience it first hand."

"Waark," Pen-pen grinned, flexing his most infamous appendage.

"Good. Where shall we do this?"

"Waaark," the waterfowl pointed to Asuka's room.

"Ooh, that will annoy Pilot Sohryu. I like that," the perverted young woman nodded.


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Several hours later, Shinji returned with the shopping. He didn't expect to see Rei smiling on the couch.

"Rei?"

"Shinji-kun, it is good to see you again," the red-eyed piloted greeted.

"What are you doing here? Not that it's not nice to see you," the boy added quickly.

"I am here to see Captain Katsuragi's penguin."

"Where is Pen-pen? Is he ok?"

"He is resting at the moment. I think that he was not expecting my pleasure threshold to be so high," Rei... smirked?

"P-p-p-p-pleasure threshold?" Shinji repeated with a blush.

"Yes, he showed me his 'French Flipper Trick', and I must say that it is impressive, but I think I need more. Perhaps you could adapt the technique and use it on me while taking me up the grunter," Rei suggested as she licked her lips. "It has been a while since I was properly serviced in such a thorough manner..."

Shinji's mind did not have time to tell him to run away as his fellow pilot pounced on him, tearing off his clothes.


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Until laterer comes...