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Sausages, It was a Tuesday


By Lord Raa


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Chapter 16


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Disclaim-me-do: Spider traitors!


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Ritsuko glared angrily at Asuka. "I'm waiting for an answer, Asuka. Why does everyone around here assume that I'm some kind of sexual deviant?"

"Asuka!" Misato called out from her car. "You coming or not?"

"Yeah," the redhead said with no small amount of relief in her voice.

The blonde continued to glower at the back of retreating blue-eyed pilot.

"Dr. Akagi," Rei unsuccessfully attempted to get her attention. "Dr. Akagi."

"What? Oh, sorry, Rei," Ritsuko sighed. "What is it?"

"I am also curious as to why you took in my brother," the pilot said, her head tilted to one side.

"Not here," the blonde said, looking around. "Come to my apartment later, and I'll tell you everything you need to know."

"Very well," Rei nodded. "I will be there are 8 o'clock."


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"What's up, Asuka?" Misato asked during the drive home.

"Akagi. I don't trust her, I mean why would she take Shinji in?"

Misato shook her head. "Asuka, I've know Ritsuko since before you could talk. I'll admit that she's open-minded, but she isn't the sort to molest children."

"Then why would she?" the redhead asked, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation.

"That I don't know," the Captain admitted. "Maybe her maternal instinct kicked in, and she thought that this was the next best thing to having a baby. Or perhaps she was ripped to the tits on drink and drugs."

That made Asuka smile. "Now what do we do? Are they going to bring you up on charges?"

"I'm not even on suspension at the moment," Misato shrugged. "God only knows what they'll decide. Personally, I'm hoping that Shinji will move back in."

"Yeah, I miss the baka's cooking, too," the Second Child admitted.

"Well, perhaps if you were the nicer to him, he might cook you a nice dinner," the purple haired woman teased.

"What do you mean, 'nicer'?"

"Not insulting or hospitalising the poor lad. Saving his life might also help your cause."

"I hate you, you know that, don't you?" Asuka said through gritted teeth.

Misato just laughed and put her foot down, the acceleration forcing the teenager back in her seat.


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Later that evening, at Ritsuko's apartment, Rei rang the doorbell.

"There you are Rei, come in," the blonde smiled.

"I am curious as to what information you have for me," the blue haired girl said as she slipped out of her shoes.

"What do you want to know?" Ritsuko asked, shutting the door.

"Why did you agree to be Shinji-kun's guardian?"

"It's a long story, Rei."

Rei took a seat on the blonde's couch. "Then I think it would be best to start at the beginning."

Ritsuko nodded. "You want anything to drink?"

"Tea, please."

A few minutes later, Ritsuko returned with a tray.

"You are drinking wine again, Dr. Akagi?" Rei asked, noting a bottle of red wine and a glass on the tray.

"Yeah, it's what they call 'Dutch Courage'," the blonde smiled. "You want me to start at the beginning. Well, the truth is that I was in a relationship with the Commander."

Rei nodded but remained silent.

"Much to my shame," the doctor sighed, "it turns out that I wasn't the only one in my family he slept with. My mother was also seduced by him and his power."

"Would that not be an inappropriate relationship? At least according to popular culture," Rei added.

"Yeah. But that's the Commander, he never did care much for the opinions of others. Anyway," Ritsuko said as she poured herself a glass of wine, "he said something that upset me."

The blonde drank half of the liquid in her glass. "I take you know how Shinji-kun felt about being brought to Tokyo-3 to risk his life out of the blue?"

The blue haired girl nodded.

"This was a bit more distressing. Mainly because of the how, where and when he said it."

"What did he say that would cause you emotional distress?"

Ritsuko downed the rest of her alcohol.


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Shinji lay in his bed at the hospital, thinking about how his life had changed so much since the time Asuka hit him last. 'If she hadn't hit me, I'd never have known about Rei or become Ritsuko's friend.'

Sighing, the injured pilot sat up and reached for his physics textbook. "I really don't understand the difference between current, charge and volts."

After five minutes of struggling with Fleming's Left Hand Rule, Shinji closed the book and manoeuvred into his wheelchair.

"I need to clear my head," he said to the empty room before rolling out to the corridor.


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"I see," Rei nodded as she drained her cup of quickly cooling tea. "Commander Ikari was not polite when he compared you with your mother. I know that he has little time for pleasantries, but I feel that I would no longer hold affection for him in the aftermath of such comments."

"Yeah, well, what can you do?" Ritsuko asked rhetorically as she poured herself another glass of wine.

"After the revelation that your mother was more proficient at oral sex, did you feel sufficiently wronged to want retribution?" the blue-haired girl asked, setting the now empty cup on the tray. "If so, what did you feel would be an appropriate course of action to take?"

"I'll be honest with you," Ritsuko said as she drained and refilled her wineglass, "I was tempted to ruin Gendo's plan by seducing Shinji, but I couldn't go through with it."

"Why not? Is my brother not attractive enough?"

"It's not that, Rei," the blonde chuckled. "Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy, but he's just not my type. Plus, he's half my age."

"I see," Rei nodded, though she didn't quite understand. 'An Ikari is an Ikari, is it not?'


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Shinji tried to ignore the questioning looks he was receiving as he moved down the corridor to find something to help him relax.

The young Ikari was not really paying attention to where he was going, and so he was surprised to find himself at the doorway to his father's room.

Listening in, the Third Child overheard comments from the injured Commander that related to his friends.

"I want you eliminate Dr. Akagi and Capt. Katsuragi as soon as possible. I'd prefer it to look like an accident or suicide for Akagi, but I'll settle for a double tap to the brain pan for Katsuragi."

Shinji growled. 'Father is trying to have my friends murdered...'

Bursting in, the injured pilot scanned the room for who his poor excuse for a father was talking to.

"I'll call you back shortly to discuss terms," Gendo said into his phone. "What is it, Pilot Ikari?"

Shinji was too upset to flinch at the sneer his parent directed at him and turned his attention to finding a weapon.

Seeing a drawer with the words "Authorised Medical Personnel Only" on, the normally introverted pilot reached in and grabbed a handful of syringes. "I don't know what these are, but if they save Ritsuko-san and Misato-san, I don't care."

"What are you doing, Pilot Ikari?" the Commander demanded as his estranged son approached the IV stand and prepared to inject random medication into his bloodstream. "NURSE!"

Shinji's face became like a stone carving as he medicated his attacker with an overdose of epinephrine.

Gendo's heart monitor began to start a frenzy of bleeping before it sounded several alarms and flatlined.

Moments later, Shinji looked up to see several doctors and nurses try to assist the bearded man.

"Shit, he's turning blue, get the defibrillator!" the senior doctor shouted as he tore the gown off Gendo's chest.

"Charging!" a nurse informed him as she rubbed the conductive gel in the paddles. "Clear!"

The body on the bed moved as its muscles contracted involuntarily.

The ECG machine marked a single heartbeat.

"Again!" the senior doctor ordered.

The nurse with the AED nodded. "Clear!"

When the ECG machine recorded only a single pulse, the doctors prepared to increase the setting on the defibrillator.

"No," Shinji said.

"What? We have to save him," a nurse replied angrily.

"No," the young Ikari repeated. "He was going to have Ritsuko and Misato killed."

"It's no good anyway," Gendo's doctor sighed as he examined the discarded syringes that lay on the floor around Shinji's wheelchair. "It looks like his aorta's ruptured. With the vasoconstriction from the epinephrine, he'd never survive the surgery. Well done, kid, you've killed the Commander."

The room went silent as the medical staff turned their attention to the slightly defiant pilot took a deep breath to compose himself. "I did it to save my friends - he was going to have them killed."

"But still, you can't just murder people, he was a sick man!" a junior nurse protested.

"Yes, he was sick, he was the one that broke Shinji-kun's knees," Haruko Tamura said as she entered the room.

"Nurse Tamura, I don't think that kind of conjecture is appropriate here," the senior nurse present scolded.

It was then that Kozo Fuyutsuki arrived at the scene, having rushed there as soon as he could after news about Gendo's deteriorating condition reached him. "Report."

"Pilot Ikari administered a large dose of epinephrine intravenously and it's cause heart death in the Commander," the senior doctor replied. "Apparently, he was going to have Dr. Akagi and Captain Katsuragi killed."

The acting Commander frowned. 'This is not something that we need right now.' "Anything to say for yourself, Pilot Ikari?"

"I won't do it again," Shinji replied before leaving for his own room.


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Ritsuko's fifth glass of red wine was being drained as her phone rang.

"Yes?"

"¬Dr. Akagi, Commander Ikari is dead,¬" Fuyutsuki said in a solemn tone.

"What? Dead? How?"

"¬It seems that Shinji overheard him arranging to have you eliminated.¬"

"Damn," Ritsuko said, as she rubbed the alcohol induced fatigue from her face. "Is he ok?"

"¬He should be, he's in his room right now. I need you here at NERV ASAP.¬"

"Ok, I'll bring Rei in with me."

"What is it, Dr. Akagi?" Rei asked as she stood up.

"Shinji-kun's done something drastic," the blonde sighed. "Grab your coat, we need to go in to NERV."



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Misato paused eating long enough to answer the phone.

"Hello?"

"¬Misato, it's me, Kaji. I've got some news for you - Commander Ikari is dead.¬"

"When did this happen?"

"¬A short while ago. Apparently Shinji killed him. Can you get here quickly?"

"Of course," the purple haired woman nodded. "I'll be there in about 10, ok?"


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Ritsuko, Rei and Misato met up with Kaji and Fuyutsuki in Gendo's office at NERV headquarters.

"What happened?" the purple haired woman asked, her brain ready to analyse the situation.

"Shinji overheard his father talking on the phone about having you and Ritsuko killed. Or at least, that's what he told us," Kaji explained. He sighed before continuing. "To be honest, I'm not sure what we do now."

"Nothing," Ritsuko spoke up.

"What?" a shocked Misato asked.

"Listen," the blonde started her reasoning, "if an investigation is started, then people are going to start asking questions. Trust me, Misato, there are things we do not want to be made public knowledge."

"Yes," the grey-haired man agreed. "Dr. Akagi, you are to perform the autopsy, I expect to read about natural causes, is that understood?"

"Perfectly," the scientist nodded. "Anything else?"

Fuyutsuki looked thoughtful for a moment. "Erase his medical records and cremate the body."

"What about my brother?" asked Rei. "Where will he be staying?"

"I could look after him again," Misato hinted.

"What about Pilot Sohryu?" the blue-haired girl asked. "Are we not risking further injury to Shinji-kun?"

"Don't you think it would be better to ask Shinji what he wants?" Ritsuko asked as she reached for her cigarettes.

"Yeah," the Captain nodded. "Come on, Rei, let's see what Shinji wants to do."

As the two left, the scientist turned to Fuyutsuki and Kaji. "I've got something to show you. Where can we have some privacy?"

"Come with me to my office," said the older man.


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Misato wasn't sure what she should be feeling about Shinji's actions. While she certainly appreciated the fact that his actions had prevented her assassination, never in her wildest dreams did she ever think that he'd ever become a killer.

The purple haired woman sighed. "Shin-chan, what are we going to do with you?"

"I am not sure," Rei answered the rhetorical question. "I would like to see him happy, but I am not sure what would make him happy. Do you have any suggestions?"

"We could always find him a girlfriend," Misato offered with a half hearted shrug.

"You believe that companionship will help him?"


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Ritsuko uploaded her bombshell from her PDA to Fuyutsuki's workstation.

"Take a look at this," she said as she lit up a cigarette.

The two men silently read the text on the screen for five minutes.

"My God, what the hell was he thinking?" Fuyutsuki asked the computer screen.

"He was YOUR student; shouldn't you have had some inkling as to what his was up to?" Kaji demanded from the older man

"Yes, I should have known that his goals weren't entirely altruistic," the grey-haired man sighed, "but there was no way any of us could have expected him to risk us all to be reunited with Yui."

"What kind of woman was she like?" asked the unshaven man. "I never met her."

"She was a wonderfully kind and loving woman," the former professor smiled. "I know that she'd never approve of Gendo's actions."

"And that brings us back to the sticking point of 'what do we do now?'. What's done in done, but we can't let this get out - I'd rather not be lynched, thank you very much," Ritsuko smiled bitterly. "As I see it, our best option is destroying all evidence of this aspect of the HIP and fighting and remaining Angels as and when they come."

"Assuming that the Dead Sea Scrolls aren't a self-fulfilling prophesy. Anyone else getting an oedipal vibe from this whole thing?" Kaji asked as he scratched his stubble.

"Look on the bright side - at least Shinji and Rei see each other as siblings rather than potential lovers," the blonde said in an attempt to break the tension. Seeing that it wasn't quite as effective as she'd hoped, Ritsuko sighed. "Well, if you'll excuse me, I've got an autopsy and a cremation to perform."


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Shinji sat in his room, thinking about what he'd done.

"Am I sorry I killed my father?" he asked the empty room. After pondering that question some more, he found his answer.

Taking a deep breath, the Third Child made his announcement to the opening door. "I'm sorry I killed someone, but I'm not sorry he's dead."

"Shin-chan?" Misato asked hesitantly.

"Misato-san!" Shinji looked up with a smile. "Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Shin-chan," the purple haired woman smiled broadly.

"Hello, Onii-san," Rei greeted with a nod.

"Onii-san?" Misato and Shinji parroted in unison.

"Yes," the First Child affirmed with another nod. "Is it not appropriate for me to refer to my older brother in such a manner?"

"Yes, of course," the convalescing pilot smiled warmly.

"Go on, Rei, give your brother a hug," the Captain goaded. "Show Shin-chan some love."

Shinji blushed as Rei hugged him awkwardly.

"Aww, I think I'm jealous," the beer drinker pouted. "I need a hug too!"

The last surviving Ikari's blush increased dramatically when Misato joined in. "I love you, Misato-san."



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The end


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Omake 1


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"I'll call you back shortly to discuss terms," Gendo said into his phone. "What is it, Pilot Ikari?"

Shinji was too upset to flinch at the sneer his parent directed at him and turned his attention to finding a weapon.

Seeing a drawer with the words "Authorised Medical Personnel Only" on, the normally introverted pilot reached in and grabbed the first thing he came across. When he held it up into the light, he saw that it was approximately 45 centimetres long, black and made out of rubber. "EWWW! What the hell is something like this doing here in a hospital room?"

The bearded man breathed a sigh of relief - it seemed that his cause of death wasn't going to be blunt force trauma inflicted with a 15 inch black rubber cock.


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Omake 2 (Inspired by Chi Vayne)


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The acting Commander frowned. 'This is not something that we need right now.' "Anything to say for yourself, Pilot Ikari?"

"Please don't shout at me like that, I've just lost my father!" Shinji said in a teary manner. "How can you be so cruel to an orphan?! Waaah!"

The nurses glared at the grey-haired man.

"He's so mean," Nurse Tamura frowned. "Don't worry, Shinji-kun, I'll take GOOD care of you."


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Omake 3 (This one was too good a line to not return to)


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Ritsuko glared angrily at Asuka. "I'm waiting for an answer, Asuka. Why does everyone around here assume that I'm some kind of sexual deviant?"

"Why do we have naked synchronisation tests?" asked Rei. "It is highly unlikely that we would go into battle undressed."

Asuka smirked before adding her case. "Your collection of sex toys in your office certainly doesn't help your argument."

Maya appeared from the shadows. "If you weren't a pervert, then you wouldn't have insisted that I undergo 15IBRC certification."

Ritsuko gulped.

Then it was Misato's turn. "Who is it that keeps trying to borrow Pen-pen for his French Flipper Trick?"

"I can explain!" the blonde insisted. "It was the Commander! He made me a nymphomaniac!"

"And when did this happen?" Rei asked, not believing a word of it.

"Err..."

"See, Ritsuko is a pervert!"

"All right, it's a fair cop!" the sleazy scientist said as she raised her hands. "I confess - I am a pervert. And I would have gotten away with it, if it hadn't been for you meddling bitches!"


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Omake 4


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Shinji sat in the cockpit of Unit 01 looking at the Angel in front of him. He looked at what Misato and the others had to say about defeating this one.

He was quite right to be shocked when he heard a song playing through the comm. system.

"¬KILL THE HUMANS! END THEIR CULTURE! KILL THE HUMANS! KILL THEM ALL! GENDO DIES! WE KILL HIS EYES! KILL THE HUMANS! KILL THE HUMANS! END THEIR CULTURE! KILL THE HUMANS! KILL THEM ALL!¬

"Misato-san?"

"¬Err, we'll get back to you in a minute, Shinji, ok?¬"


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Omake 5 - the epilogue


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In case you want something more in the way of closure, pick one or more of the following options, that way, you're not disappointed.

1) Shinji and the rest live happily ever after
2) They all die in an Angel Attack
3) SEELE has everybody liquidated by using its contacts in the JSDF
4) Pervert Rei has her way with the rest of the cast


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There you have it, my first completed fic. Pre-read, as always, by Chi Vayne.

By the way, "15IBRC" should be familiar to all of you that have been reading the omake.


Until the next time you decide to read something I write.