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How Hogwarts Became a Nudist Colony

Part 2: A Change of Tactics

Severus Snape was frustrated. In fact, he was downright steaming, writhing in anger, hoping to unleash a furious storm of insults and curses upon any who crossed his path, especially if it was a Hufflepuff. In other words, he was entirely pissed off at the world in general. It was a situation that even the muggle antidote of coffee and valium could not cure.

Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger could not have chosen a worst day to give him lip. Severus had simply been grading Neville Longbottom's parchment (though aloud and with the added feature of cynical insults) when Granger finally snapped.

"Will you leave him the hell alone?"

Weasley, of course, being the twit that he is, backed her up. The fact that their stupid little friend Harry Potter was off to Merlin knows where, fighting the Dark Lord in some epic battle did not give them an excuse to forget their place (in this case, at the bottom of the food chain). Fifty points and two detentions later, the duet of do-gooders had given up.

Had Severus Snape known what catastrophe the two's first detention would lead to, he would have most certainly sent them to Filch. However, he did not, and he was resolved to bathe in the pain of two over-worked Gryffindors. Sadly, it would be a very short bath.

Severus's head snapped up to watch the two student's scrubbing cauldrons across the room. He dropped his quill and walked to them, peering over Granger's back. She abruptly stopped her cleaning and turned with both hands on her hips.

"Why?" she asked. Snape's brow raised quizzically. "Why are you such a slimy git?" With this, Ron quit working, eyes widening.

"Because I'm miserable and deranged," Snape answered without hesitance. "It's what I do, Ms. Granger." He glanced the pile of dirty cauldrons. "Weasley, you may leave. Ms. Granger, I'm sure you will be willing to play house elf for the rest of the evening."

With a worried glance in Hermione's direction, Ron collected his things and left. Hermione barely noticed. She was too busy fuming over a soon to arrive outburst.

"/Play house elf/," Hermione said in a low, dangerous voice. Her face softened suddenly. "Professor, have I ever told you about S.P.E.W?"

Oh, bloody hell, look what I've done now/, Severus thought, taking a step back. "I'm quite aware of your program. I completely disagree with your--" He stopped abruptly, a small light bulb going off in his head. /Why not play with Granger's mind? It would be worth a few laughs.

"Professor?"

"I completely disagree with your 'tactics'," Snape answered with a sly smile. This was going to be fun. "Quite frankly, your organization is a bore, and the badges are appalling." Hermione looked crestfallen. "Think of something more appealing, something that would leave an impact on those whom you wish to influence. You need something that will really catch their eyes." Snape was finding it hard not to laugh at his little ploy.

Hermione's eyes glistened with curiosity. "What do you suggest?"

"When I was a young wizard, rallies and rebellions were quite popular. One form of protest was streaking." The bait was given.

"Streaking? Like in the nude? Are you sure that streaking is a form of protest?"

Now for the hook. "In your case, yes. To free house elves the owner must give them a piece of clothing. By streaking, you'd be setting an example."

Severus was expecting a scowl, a frown, a scream, but, alas, he received an unexpected response.

"That's brilliant, Professor!" Hermione squealed with a huge smile lighting her face. Snape burst into laughter, putting one arm on a nearby table to support himself. He wiped his eyes and looked back up. Hermione had a dreamy look on her face. "Brilliant," she whispered.

Snape's humor slipped away. "I was teasing you, Ms. Granger," he snapped, but she only smiled wider. "NO. No, you stupid girl! It was a joke. I'm not serious!"

"May I leave, Professor," she said, obviously making plans.

"Yes. NO. NO, streaking! It's a foolish idea and against the school rules."

Snape was really worried now. Surely one of the most intelligent students he knew would not be foolish enough to run about in the nude. Of course, it was not often that Granger stood down when she believed strongly in something, be that friends, school, books, or house elf rights.

"Against the rules," he repeated in a last minute effort to erase the idea from her mind. If Albus got wind of this, he would be the one to blame.

"Thank you, Professor," Hermione said with a pensive face. She gathered her bag and walked off with a polite "Good evening."

"Merlin, what have I done," Snape whispered.

/The Morning After/

Snape kept quite. He avoided the other professors in an attempt to divert attention from himself. All was going well until the next morning. Severus did not normally eat breakfast, but acid reflex, due to induced stress throughout the last twenty years, forced him to surface for a few quick bites of toast. However, as he was about to leave the dining hall, he noticed something particularly strange; Hermione Granger had entered the room wearing what appeared to be a piece of muggle clothing called a trench coat.

"Oh, no..."

**

Ron Weasley was worried. Hermione had refused to speak to him when she'd came back from her detention the night before, and she hadn't even left her room this morning. He'd checked the library, but she wasn't there. Perhaps Snape had done something to her. Ron's face flushed red as he daydreamed of pounding in the greasy-haired Professor's long nose.

"Ron."

Ron turned around to see Hermione standing behind him. She was wearing a long coat but her legs and feet were bare. In her hand was a lumpy looking bag. She gave him a nervous smile.

"Ron. Would you please stand up a moment?"

"Hermione, where have you been? I thought something was wrong," Ron hissed. He noticed that the entire hall had became very quiet upon Hermione's arrival.

"I was making plans," Hermione answered, reaching a hand into the bag. She pulled out what seemed to be a muggle t-shirt. "Ron, I want you to listen to me, alright? This won't take very long."

"Why do you have clothes in your bag?"

Hermione's nostrils flared and she wore a determined look. "Because I won't have enough time to strip if the professors come to their senses."

Ron gasped but could not reply. Hermione stepped onto the Gryffindor table and took a deep breath. She held up a shirt and a pair of jeans, throwing down the bag. Every eye was now on her. Dumbledore was looking amused, McGonagall was looking aghast, and Snape was beginning to panic.

"Ms. Granger!" Snape shouted, hurrying toward the table.

Hermione ignored him. She pulled a wand from her coat and put it to her throat so that her voice now echoed through the school.

"Here me, students of Hogwarts!"

A few coughs issued from the group.

"For too long, the house elves have been ignored! We must aid our small, working class, brothers and sisters!"

Silence.

Hermione looked like a statue of a goddess as she spoke next in a war cry very much like one would hear on the movie Braveheart. "FREE THE HOUSE ELVES! GIVE THEM YOUR CLOTHES!"

The t-shirt and jeans were thrown toward the other houses and Hermione's hand tugged the trench coat's belt. The coat flew open and a unified gasp was heard throughout the school. Everywhere there was chaos.

McGonagall fainted on the spot.

Flitwick choked on a prune.

Snape covered his ears, closed his eyes, and began humming very loudly.

Dumbledore continued to shove eggs into his mouth.

Then from the mist of horror came an applause. . . .

"Bloody hell, Granger! Bravo!" came Draco Malfoy's voice. "This is better than those parties my dad use to hold."

Several students, mostly male, began to stand and chant, "STRIP! STRIP! STRIP!"

Now most of the students were laughing or chanting or beginning to pull off their robes.

Snape looked up and cried desperately. "Ms. Granger, you don't have to give the house elves all of your clothes!"

Hermione laughed. "BUT WE MUST MAKE A STATEMENT, PROFESSOR SNAPE--CATCH THEIR EYES! I SEEM TO HAVE CAUGHT YOURS!"

Snape's jaw dropped open and he forced his eyes to close. His pale face was becoming very red. The man seemed be having a nervous breakdown.

Ginny Weasley, along with several other Gryffindor girls (oh, and Neville) stood up and began to take off their clothing. Hermione looked truly inspired. She threw her coat over Snape's head and waved toward the Slytherin table, exposing herself quite well.

"ALL WHO WISH TO JOIN OUR CAUSE, TAKE OFF YOUR CLOTHING AND FOLLOW ME! COME AND FOLLOW THE WAYS OF S.P.E.W. WE SHALL NOT BE SILENCED!"

She sprinted down the table, knocking off bowls for of food, and laughing in merriment at the freedom only a nudist knows. Stampedes of teenagers were following her outside the castle. Clothing was left on the floor.

Socks, shirts, robes, slacks, knickers, and various other items of clothing buried Professor Snape. He dug is way out, gasping for air. He looked up to see the entire faculty still in their seats.

"Oh, there you are, Severus. I thought you had went off to join the young ones," Dumbledore said.

Snape crawled to the table, past an unconscious McGonagall. "I didn't have a part in this! I didn't do it! It was a joke, I swear! I'm not to blame!"

"Of course not, Severus. Children are prone to rebellions," Dumbledore answered. "However, we have a very strange riot on our hands. I suggest all faculty members remain in their quarts until this is resolved. I will try talking to Ms. Granger. For the meantime, all classes are cancelled."

"That's it? We're going to hide in our rooms?" Snape spouted.

Dumbledore smiled. "For the moment, yes. Severus, if you have anymore ideas on the subject, you're welcome to voice them . . . To the faculty, of course."

"Oh, for Merlin's sake!"


So, did you like my little riot? OH, there's plenty more where that came from--if you review that is. Hee Hee. I hope you're looking forward to Part 3: The Flashing Brigade.