Categories > Books > Harry Potter > How Hogwarts Became a Nudist Colony
Part 3: The Flashing Brigade
4 reviewsHarry Potter arrives at school to find the students nude. Where are their clothes? Why are the Houses getting along better? What does Hermione and Snape have to do with the nudity? Well, read it an...
5Funny
Harry collected his jaw from the ground and blinked several times.
"Are you telling me that Hermione Granger, our Hermione Granger, began this campaign for nudity?"
"Well, if you'd let the headmaster finish the story, Potter," Draco hissed. "Of course, you'll never truly 'get it' because you weren't there. It was quite a spectacle, one of the most beautiful days of my life." He wore a dreamy expression. "I knew from that moment on that I was quite straight. . . ."
"Quite liberating," Ron added, stuffing his face with lemon drops from the Headmaster's desk.
"Yes, you've said that before," Harry snapped. "But this makes no sense!!! No bloody sense at all!!! Hermione knows better than to devise such a plan; there's so many flaws! Why? Why? Why!?"
Dumbledore grinned. "Not so very flawed actually. In fact, it was one of the best plans of the century."
"For House Elf Rights?" Harry shouted.
"Oh, no, my boy," Dumbledore chucked. "That part was a bit strange; however, Ms. Granger could never have guessed how important her actions were that day."
"Stripping?"
"Shut up, mate," Ron scowled.
"Yeah," Draco pitched in, "Dumbledore's about to tell you about The Flashing Brigade, right?"
"That I am, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore answered.
"Bloody Flashing Brigade?" Harry asked.
"Yes, The Flashing Brigade, Harry," Dumbledore answered. "After Hermione Granger led the students to nudity, she realized that the group needed to organize its attacks."
Harry's brow furrowed. "Attacks?"
Exactly 23 seconds after Hermione's rally. . . .
Shouts issued through the air. Flags made of underwear were raised from every tower. Quidditch players rode their brooms high above the castle, unaffected by the morning chill (not). All of them were shouting toward Dumbledore's office. All stood for one cause: Nudity.
"STRIP! STRIP! STRIP!"
"WE SHALL NOT BE SILENCED!"
"TAKE YOUR BLOODY CLOTHES OFF!"
"HELLO?"
This last cry came from Hagrid. The poor chap had been out drinking the night before and had been running late for breakfast. To say the least, he missed a lot.
Hermione hitched a ride on Ginny's broom, and they landed before the half-giant. Hermione approached the Professor/grounds-keeper with a smile, her cheeks rosy with exhilaration. The large man was rubbing his eyes furiously.
"Hagrid, you're not dreaming," Hermione said, in a kind voice. "We're streaking for House Elf's Rights. I finally got S.P.E.W off the ground." Hagrid looked down at her and the hundred plus students behind her. "You have but one choice, Professor. Surrender your clothing for the benefit off all and become one of us."
"Don't look like I have much of a choice, do it?" Hagrid grunted.
Hermione turned to her followers. "HEAR ME! THE FIRST PROFESSOR HAS JOINED OUR LEGION OF NUDISTS! HAGRID IS ONE OF OURS. NOW WE MUST PROVE OURSELVES TO THE REST OF THE FACULTY WHO HIDE AWAY IN THEIR ROOMS. I NEED A GROUP WHO IS WILLING TO GO WITH ME TO CONVERT THE OTHERS! THOSE WHO WILL UNDERTAKE SUCH DANGERS, COME WITH ME!"
Twenty students made their way out of the group of protesters and stood around Hermione. Amongst them were familiar faces including Ginny, Luna, Neville, Ron, Lavender, Cho, Draco, Pansy, and Goyle. (Draco excused Crabbe saying that he was enjoying himself by sewing underwear into banners.) Hermione glowed with pride as she surveyed them.
"You will be perfect," she said. "Everyone huddle up."
Ron looked a bit worried. "This is fun and all, but how on earth are we going to get the Professors to join us. Do we actually want them to join us?"
"Good point," Draco nodded.
"Thanks, Malfoy."
"You're welcome, Weasley."
"We want everyone to join us," Hermione said firmly. "Legally, Dumbledore is in charge of this castle. He and the Professors own shares of Hogwarts and Wal-Mart (No, I don't know why), therefore, if they give up clothing, the House Elves will be set free."
"Oh, yeah, the House Elves," Ron said. "I'd forgotten about them."
"Why else would we be stripping, Ron?" Hermione snapped.
"Because it's fun?" Ron asked.
"You're right, Weasley," Draco agreed.
"Thanks, Malfoy."
"Oh, get a room!" Ginny snapped at the two boys.
"Oh, I'm quite straight now," Draco smiled, giving her a wink.
"Now?" Pansy asked, aghast.
"I'm quite sure I am, too," Ron smiled, giving Pansy a wink.
"This is odd," Hermione stated. "Back to business. I have a plan for winning over the faculty. We have Hagrid, but, let's face it, the other Professors already know that he's outlandish."
"What's the plan?" Neville asked, looking very confused.
"Well, I was going to go into detail, but Ron and Malfoy have the attention span of goldfish, so I'll give you the basic outline." Hermione took a deep breath. "We're going to put together a Flashing Brigade."
"Flashing Brigade?" Neville asked.
"Oh, that sounds lovely," Luna laughed.
"Neat," Goyle stated. "What's that?"
Hermione pulled the group in closer and began the first secret meeting of The Flashing Brigade. A good two and a half minutes later, they stood back up, smiling and nodding. All in all, they seemed very proud of themselves.
"So, my Brigade, are you ready to face unparallel dangers and take on the faculty?" Hermione asked.
Ron frowned. "You're being a bit melodramatic, 'ermione."
Lunchtime: Still day one of the new nudist trend. . . .
Minerva McGonagall was grading the third year's essays on coffee cup transfigurations when she heard a knock at the door. She stopped, sat down her quill, and stood slowly, listening. The knock came again. She swallowed. At the moment, she was feeling very paranoid. After all, her favorite student had just performed at quick version of strip tease in front of the entire school only a few hours ago.
She approached the door as if she was an actress in a cheap muggle horror film. Her fingers were mere inches from the door when she pulled back.
"Who is it?" she asked, cautiously.
There was a moment of silence before she heard Hermione Granger's voice issue from outside the door.
"Professor McGonagall? May I have a word?"
"No. You may not have a word, Ms. Granger!" McGonagall snapped.
"I'm so sorry, Professor. I realize what a fool I was this morning. Don't you forgive me?"
McGonagall softened. "Of course, I forgive you."
"Perhaps, we should discuss my punishment," Hermione said, her voice seeming strained. "I feel sort of awkward speaking to you through the door. Mind if I come in?"
"I'm expecting a good explanation for your actions, Ms. Granger," McGonagall snapped. She turned the door knob, and the door burst open. Seven nude students ran inside, howling and chanting like buffoons. McGonagall did the only rational thing she could do and screamed.
"Join us!" the nude students shouted, running around her like a group of natives. They howled and made strange animal noises before running out the door. Hermione was the only student left in the room.
"Sorry for lying, Professor, but I do believe we've made our point," she said with a smile. "House Elf rights are very important. I expect the faculty should come to terms with our new beliefs and surrender over all articles of clothing."
"You're all mad!!!" McGonagall shouted, shooing Hermione out of the room. "Put your clothes back on!" She slammed the door shut, and immediately pulled out a bottle of fire whiskey.
Hermione smiled outside the door. "She'll join us soon enough," she stated confidently. "How are the other groups doing?"
Like clockwork, Ginny reported back, carrying news from the other members of The Flashing Brigade. "Six faculty members have opened their doors to us. Two passed out and the rest our scared out of their minds. One has joined us: Trelawney. She claims she foresees our victory."
"Only decent prediction the woman's made all year," Ron piped up.
Draco appeared from around the corner. "I have news everyone. Pomfrey and Sprout are ours--though they now refuse to leave their rooms."
"But their clothes are gone?" Hermione asked. Draco nodded. "Fabulous!" she screeched.
Draco looked very proud of himself indeed. "Who's next?"
"Well, we have but one professor to speak to before we take our case to Dumbledore," Hermione said. "We should go speak to Professor Snape. After all, this was all his idea."
Hermione cleared her throat. "Come on Flashing Brigade! To the Dungeons!"
"Are you telling me that Hermione Granger, our Hermione Granger, began this campaign for nudity?"
"Well, if you'd let the headmaster finish the story, Potter," Draco hissed. "Of course, you'll never truly 'get it' because you weren't there. It was quite a spectacle, one of the most beautiful days of my life." He wore a dreamy expression. "I knew from that moment on that I was quite straight. . . ."
"Quite liberating," Ron added, stuffing his face with lemon drops from the Headmaster's desk.
"Yes, you've said that before," Harry snapped. "But this makes no sense!!! No bloody sense at all!!! Hermione knows better than to devise such a plan; there's so many flaws! Why? Why? Why!?"
Dumbledore grinned. "Not so very flawed actually. In fact, it was one of the best plans of the century."
"For House Elf Rights?" Harry shouted.
"Oh, no, my boy," Dumbledore chucked. "That part was a bit strange; however, Ms. Granger could never have guessed how important her actions were that day."
"Stripping?"
"Shut up, mate," Ron scowled.
"Yeah," Draco pitched in, "Dumbledore's about to tell you about The Flashing Brigade, right?"
"That I am, Mr. Malfoy," Dumbledore answered.
"Bloody Flashing Brigade?" Harry asked.
"Yes, The Flashing Brigade, Harry," Dumbledore answered. "After Hermione Granger led the students to nudity, she realized that the group needed to organize its attacks."
Harry's brow furrowed. "Attacks?"
Exactly 23 seconds after Hermione's rally. . . .
Shouts issued through the air. Flags made of underwear were raised from every tower. Quidditch players rode their brooms high above the castle, unaffected by the morning chill (not). All of them were shouting toward Dumbledore's office. All stood for one cause: Nudity.
"STRIP! STRIP! STRIP!"
"WE SHALL NOT BE SILENCED!"
"TAKE YOUR BLOODY CLOTHES OFF!"
"HELLO?"
This last cry came from Hagrid. The poor chap had been out drinking the night before and had been running late for breakfast. To say the least, he missed a lot.
Hermione hitched a ride on Ginny's broom, and they landed before the half-giant. Hermione approached the Professor/grounds-keeper with a smile, her cheeks rosy with exhilaration. The large man was rubbing his eyes furiously.
"Hagrid, you're not dreaming," Hermione said, in a kind voice. "We're streaking for House Elf's Rights. I finally got S.P.E.W off the ground." Hagrid looked down at her and the hundred plus students behind her. "You have but one choice, Professor. Surrender your clothing for the benefit off all and become one of us."
"Don't look like I have much of a choice, do it?" Hagrid grunted.
Hermione turned to her followers. "HEAR ME! THE FIRST PROFESSOR HAS JOINED OUR LEGION OF NUDISTS! HAGRID IS ONE OF OURS. NOW WE MUST PROVE OURSELVES TO THE REST OF THE FACULTY WHO HIDE AWAY IN THEIR ROOMS. I NEED A GROUP WHO IS WILLING TO GO WITH ME TO CONVERT THE OTHERS! THOSE WHO WILL UNDERTAKE SUCH DANGERS, COME WITH ME!"
Twenty students made their way out of the group of protesters and stood around Hermione. Amongst them were familiar faces including Ginny, Luna, Neville, Ron, Lavender, Cho, Draco, Pansy, and Goyle. (Draco excused Crabbe saying that he was enjoying himself by sewing underwear into banners.) Hermione glowed with pride as she surveyed them.
"You will be perfect," she said. "Everyone huddle up."
Ron looked a bit worried. "This is fun and all, but how on earth are we going to get the Professors to join us. Do we actually want them to join us?"
"Good point," Draco nodded.
"Thanks, Malfoy."
"You're welcome, Weasley."
"We want everyone to join us," Hermione said firmly. "Legally, Dumbledore is in charge of this castle. He and the Professors own shares of Hogwarts and Wal-Mart (No, I don't know why), therefore, if they give up clothing, the House Elves will be set free."
"Oh, yeah, the House Elves," Ron said. "I'd forgotten about them."
"Why else would we be stripping, Ron?" Hermione snapped.
"Because it's fun?" Ron asked.
"You're right, Weasley," Draco agreed.
"Thanks, Malfoy."
"Oh, get a room!" Ginny snapped at the two boys.
"Oh, I'm quite straight now," Draco smiled, giving her a wink.
"Now?" Pansy asked, aghast.
"I'm quite sure I am, too," Ron smiled, giving Pansy a wink.
"This is odd," Hermione stated. "Back to business. I have a plan for winning over the faculty. We have Hagrid, but, let's face it, the other Professors already know that he's outlandish."
"What's the plan?" Neville asked, looking very confused.
"Well, I was going to go into detail, but Ron and Malfoy have the attention span of goldfish, so I'll give you the basic outline." Hermione took a deep breath. "We're going to put together a Flashing Brigade."
"Flashing Brigade?" Neville asked.
"Oh, that sounds lovely," Luna laughed.
"Neat," Goyle stated. "What's that?"
Hermione pulled the group in closer and began the first secret meeting of The Flashing Brigade. A good two and a half minutes later, they stood back up, smiling and nodding. All in all, they seemed very proud of themselves.
"So, my Brigade, are you ready to face unparallel dangers and take on the faculty?" Hermione asked.
Ron frowned. "You're being a bit melodramatic, 'ermione."
Lunchtime: Still day one of the new nudist trend. . . .
Minerva McGonagall was grading the third year's essays on coffee cup transfigurations when she heard a knock at the door. She stopped, sat down her quill, and stood slowly, listening. The knock came again. She swallowed. At the moment, she was feeling very paranoid. After all, her favorite student had just performed at quick version of strip tease in front of the entire school only a few hours ago.
She approached the door as if she was an actress in a cheap muggle horror film. Her fingers were mere inches from the door when she pulled back.
"Who is it?" she asked, cautiously.
There was a moment of silence before she heard Hermione Granger's voice issue from outside the door.
"Professor McGonagall? May I have a word?"
"No. You may not have a word, Ms. Granger!" McGonagall snapped.
"I'm so sorry, Professor. I realize what a fool I was this morning. Don't you forgive me?"
McGonagall softened. "Of course, I forgive you."
"Perhaps, we should discuss my punishment," Hermione said, her voice seeming strained. "I feel sort of awkward speaking to you through the door. Mind if I come in?"
"I'm expecting a good explanation for your actions, Ms. Granger," McGonagall snapped. She turned the door knob, and the door burst open. Seven nude students ran inside, howling and chanting like buffoons. McGonagall did the only rational thing she could do and screamed.
"Join us!" the nude students shouted, running around her like a group of natives. They howled and made strange animal noises before running out the door. Hermione was the only student left in the room.
"Sorry for lying, Professor, but I do believe we've made our point," she said with a smile. "House Elf rights are very important. I expect the faculty should come to terms with our new beliefs and surrender over all articles of clothing."
"You're all mad!!!" McGonagall shouted, shooing Hermione out of the room. "Put your clothes back on!" She slammed the door shut, and immediately pulled out a bottle of fire whiskey.
Hermione smiled outside the door. "She'll join us soon enough," she stated confidently. "How are the other groups doing?"
Like clockwork, Ginny reported back, carrying news from the other members of The Flashing Brigade. "Six faculty members have opened their doors to us. Two passed out and the rest our scared out of their minds. One has joined us: Trelawney. She claims she foresees our victory."
"Only decent prediction the woman's made all year," Ron piped up.
Draco appeared from around the corner. "I have news everyone. Pomfrey and Sprout are ours--though they now refuse to leave their rooms."
"But their clothes are gone?" Hermione asked. Draco nodded. "Fabulous!" she screeched.
Draco looked very proud of himself indeed. "Who's next?"
"Well, we have but one professor to speak to before we take our case to Dumbledore," Hermione said. "We should go speak to Professor Snape. After all, this was all his idea."
Hermione cleared her throat. "Come on Flashing Brigade! To the Dungeons!"
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