Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > The Mixed Tape
5. Twenty Four Hours
Cass,
You're my destiny. I knew it the moment your fist hit my lips, and when your lips hit my lips. Please keep listening. Please, don't give up on me just yet. I'm sure it would be easy, because it's something I'm terribly close to doing. But for the sake of the eight-year-old and the six-year-old in each of us, which we both know are still swinging on the tire swing that almost killed me when I was ten, keep listening. There is still so much more to me than fuck ups. At least, you've always believed that. If you stop, I don't know what's going to happen to the part of me that really is just a series of fuck ups. I may have to own up to my past fuck ups, and maybe then, I can live this down. But unfortunately, that's not likely, so listen to my collaboration of apologies, and make a decision I know you won't regret.
-Peter.
So this is permanence, love's shattered pride
What once was innocence, turned on its side
Grey cloud hangs over me, marks every move
Deep in the memory of what once was love
Oh how I realised how I wanted time
Put into perspective, tried so hard to find
Just for one moment I thought I'd found my way
Destiny unfolded - I watched it slip away
Excessive flashpoints, beyond all reach
Solitary demands for all I'd like to keep
Let's take a ride out, see what we can find
A valueless collection of hopes and past desires
I never realised the lengths I'd have to go
All the darkest corners of a sense I didn't know
Just for one moment I heard somebody call
Looked beyond the day in hand - there's nothing there at all
Now that I've realised how it's all gone wrong
Got to find some therapy, this treatment takes too long
Deep in the heart of where sympathy held sway
Got to find my destiny before it gets too late
He knew how to get her. Peter may not have been subtle in the same fashion that she was, but that wasn't his way. He went straight to the sensitive sore spots that needn't be touched by a sharp or serrated edge. He knew exactly what he was doing by making her hear this song, and given the circumstances, it may have actually been working. It could have been what was going on in her own head, and by the strict and precise delegation in the choosing of songs, she figured that was his purpose in put this song at this point on this stupid mixed tape. Her tired body found it's way off of her couch, and her tired hand found it's way to the stop button.
This was going to be a long night. She looked at the clock. Five forty-five. Great. Only a jillion minutes until Peter got there? What the hell was she going to do with that time? She decided on a shower.
Steeping out of the shower into the steamy bathroom was one of the greatest feelings she'd felt in weeks. She'd showered in the past few weeks, of course, but for some reason, the cool air on her warm skin was all the more relieving this time. Maybe it was sort of a de-stressor. She didn't know. She didn't care, either. She looked in the foggy mirror, and attempted to wipe it own with a towel; no luck. Cassandra then opted for getting dressed.
"What to wear?" She asked, looking through her closet. She decided on a turquoise cami, a long brown sweater, and some tight jeans. She'd worry about shoes if she went out, but for now, her bare feet felt good on the carpet. She went into the bathroom, applied some mascara and blush, blow-dried and straightened her hair, and at nearly 6:57, the doorbell rang. She sighed. For the first time in his life, he was on time. Why tonight?
She went to the door and opened it. He looked good. A huge improvement from earlier in the day.
"You look a lot better." He smiled and stepped inside.
"You look the same." She closed the door and looked at him.
"Which is good. Don't get me wrong."
"I think it's expected of people to get what you say wrong. Don't worry about it." This was friendly conversation that hadn't happened in a long time. Mostly because it was almost small-talk, and that was something that had never existed between Cassandra and Peter. Oh, well. It was a start.
"Why did you need to come over?" He just sighed.
"No. I didn't mean it that way. I didn't mean to sound...whatever. You know what I meant. No games Peter. I know you hate them as much as I do. Why did you need to come over?"
"I was wondering if you were close to a decision. I know I said I could wait, but I was lying. I'm a fucking liar, and I want to know what's going on inside your head. I used to know by looking at you. But lately, you haven't let me do much of that, so now you're going to have to tell me. I can't guess. I'm not inside your head anymore."
"Oh, yes you are." He half-smiled.
"I know. I just needed to hear you say it. How far are you?" She, initially, had no idea what he was talking about.
"What?...Oh! The tape. Five. I'm on Five. You were careful. It's our story. I owe you that, at least."
"Five. I guess I expected you to be farther. Five is acceptable, though. I think that's all I wanted to know. I wanted your time. I'll leave. Have a good night." She stepped in front of him and put a hand on his chest.
"Stay." He shook his head.
"I'm not doing this again, Cass. I need to go home." She shook her head again.
"You are home. Friends?" He looked confused. "I still need to finish the tape. I still need to know what's going to happen between us, but I know I need to forgive you. I know that's what my mom would have told me to do, at least. I can hear her saying it, over and over. Probably because she really used to say it to me at least once a week. So you're forgiven. I need to see where all of this leaves us, of course, but you can consider yourself forgiven." He smiled. It was working.
"Now, you have a room. Go to it. Sleep. We'll go to breakfast in the morning." He watched her walk away a pulled his homemade white flag out of his pocket.
"I guess I didn't need this." She came back around the corner.
"Need what?" He shoved it back into his pocket.
"Nothing, Cass. See you in the morning." She waved at him without looking and walked down the hall. The second she turned her head, he threw it away.
"I'm a lucky bastard." He heard laughing.
"Yeah, you are." He smiled, and closed to door to his room. He was home.
Cassandra's head was spinning when she laid down in bed.
"The tape. I need to finish the tape." She quickly got up, softly walked into the living room, and pulled the tape out of it's deck.
When she returned to her room, she put it in her old stereo. He better have something good planned. She had, after all, let him back into her house.
She opened up the little playbook that Peter had tucked inside the case, and read.
6. The Minstrel's Prayer.
And all these stupid silly songs
Keep trying to catch your ear
I'm trying desperately
Its just so hard to persevere
And even if you listened
I never had to much to say
Cause its the same old song
I'm written for the day
Shelter me oh genius words
Just give me strength
Just to pen these things
And give me peace to well her wings
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl
All these minstrels through the ages
That is really all we are
Simply singing for the girl
That makes us try so very hard
To craft the perfect limerick
To wield unending woe
To write such silly songs
And the different never know
Shelter me oh genius words
Just give me strength
Just to pen these things
And give me peace to well her wings
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl
And i'll hold on to the dream
Of this beggar's plea and optimistic fantasy
Just hold the hand and drop the knee
You're facing love
You're embracing melody
Shelter me oh genius words
Just give me strength
Just to pen these things
And give me peace to well her wings
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl
Cass,
This song just reminds me of us. No further explanations. Thanks for listening. You're half way there.
-Peter.
He was so...perfectly impossible to resist. How was she going to be able to tell him now, and let him down in that manner, when he'd gone to all this trouble? That was it. She had a plan. She was going to compose her own mixed tape. The problem was, she hadn't finished his. She totally got the jist of what he was trying to convey, but she knew he'd be upset of she didn't finish something he'd worked so hard on.
Cassandra figured it out. She'd fast forward to the last song, and then she'd compile her cute listen message to Peter through song. She hit the fast forward button. She prayed that it would work. She really wasn't the praying type.
He finger hit play, and she immediately heard Peter's voice coming through the speakers, she backed up a little, and pushed play again. Air. Then, his voice came, nervous, and sad.
"Hey, Cass. It's me. It's completely ridiculous of me to be telling you that, but it is. I've worked hard, and if you're still listening, I guess it's been at least semi-worth it. Maybe I've changed you mind. Maybe I haven't, but nonetheless, I'm sure you believe me when I say I'm sorry. I know those are your least favorite words, but I wrote it on this paper when I was making my closing speech, and it's in pen, and you'll just have to live with it. I love you. I know that's huge and your heart probably just exploded in your chest, but before you let your brain explode as well, I should tell you what I mean by saying those words on this tape. You've been my best friend for 18 going on 19 years. That's an incredible amount of time. Beforer we decided we were in love on a greater level, we would throw around the phrase all the time. I think, in this relationship at least, that those words have lost their meaning. It's like we have to say it or we're not really feeling it. You know what I think? I think actions speak louder than words. I think you think so too. You're Cassandra Grace Combs, and I know that's exactly what you think. So we're nearing this end of this journey by song, and I think you should know, that I love you, and even though your last great memory of me doesn't necessarily prove that to you, come talk to me. I'll do my best to redeem myself. Tell me you've finished this the second you finish it. I mean that. I know you're considering waiting a few days because you're just funny that way, but seriously. Come tell me when you finish this.
I know that will be easy. My best guess says I'm asleep in the next room, and since I know my best guess is right, I'm telling you to listen for approximately eight more minutes, and then come talk to me. Signing off."
He was such a douche bag sometimes. It drove her insane how he had this elaborate and indestructible home in her heart and head that she couldn't even begin to eradicate, or peer inside, or have any idea as to why it existed at all. She kept listening, and stared at her ceiling.
7. MFEO- Jack's Mannequin
I swim across an ocean
It's my matress in the basement
I'm sweatin' out excuses
That would make your stomach turn
The road we drove last night
Stretched from the desert
To Las Vegas
We filled our cups and lit one up
The snow began to burn
Maybe
We were made
We were made for each other
Is it possible
For the world to look this way forever?
I talked so much
I'm sure I didn't realize I'd gone crazy
Didn't catch my bloody nose
Or that my heart tried to explode
I still live with my High School friends
Some people never change at all
We're still the same impulsive drunks
We were when we were small
Someone get this man to a hospital
Maybe
We were made
We were made for each other
Is it possible
For the world to look this way forever?
And I'm, a long way
From my firework days
But I still like to burn, burn, burn
I'm always
In the haze of a car crash
The orange airbag dust covers everything
Everything
Maybe
We were made
We were made for each other
Is it possible
For the world to look this way forever?
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out on you
You waited for me in the rain
In the parking lot
Cold hands
Lips blue
Clothes stuck to you
You could have phoned me for a ride
It's a mess out there
you said the rain's the rain
Some air'd be good for you
(You can breathe)
(You can breathe now)
Well good for you
(You can breathe)
(But the air is running out)
You get in my car
Where its warm
You cannot forget
skin new
Hands true
My hands all over you
so what's another night
The seat's rolled back, they can't see
The rain's the rain
Some air'd be good for you
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out on you
And you walked for miles
Down the shores of California
To the coast of Mexico
Where you could hide
And no one had to know
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out (on you now)
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out on you
Running out on you
Maybe we were made for each other
You can breathe but the air is running out
Maybe the world could look like this forever
Maybe we were made for each other
You can breathe but the air is running out
Maybe the world will look like this forever
Maybe we were made for each other
Maybe we were made for each other
Maybe we were made for each other
We were made for each...
He'd planned on that one's effect as well. Maybe she should leave him in there. Maybe she should ignore him for the next few days until she had her list of songs compiled. Or maybe, she should give him the songs one song at a time. It wouldn't be on a tape, of course, but she could burn a song onto a CD, and leave the Cd's in different places every time. He would be led down a heart and gut-wrenching path like the one he had led her on, but he wouldn't ever guess the outcome along the way. He would have no idea where he was going. That was her goal. She wasn't going to ever bring it up in daily conversation. She would simply leave the song and note under his pillow or in the bathroom, taped to the mirror, or somewhere else she knew he'd find it, and if he tried to bring it up through out the day, she'd simply avoid it. This was her game, now. The pass had been intercepted and it was her turn to play follow the leader.
Where to start?
Cass,
You're my destiny. I knew it the moment your fist hit my lips, and when your lips hit my lips. Please keep listening. Please, don't give up on me just yet. I'm sure it would be easy, because it's something I'm terribly close to doing. But for the sake of the eight-year-old and the six-year-old in each of us, which we both know are still swinging on the tire swing that almost killed me when I was ten, keep listening. There is still so much more to me than fuck ups. At least, you've always believed that. If you stop, I don't know what's going to happen to the part of me that really is just a series of fuck ups. I may have to own up to my past fuck ups, and maybe then, I can live this down. But unfortunately, that's not likely, so listen to my collaboration of apologies, and make a decision I know you won't regret.
-Peter.
So this is permanence, love's shattered pride
What once was innocence, turned on its side
Grey cloud hangs over me, marks every move
Deep in the memory of what once was love
Oh how I realised how I wanted time
Put into perspective, tried so hard to find
Just for one moment I thought I'd found my way
Destiny unfolded - I watched it slip away
Excessive flashpoints, beyond all reach
Solitary demands for all I'd like to keep
Let's take a ride out, see what we can find
A valueless collection of hopes and past desires
I never realised the lengths I'd have to go
All the darkest corners of a sense I didn't know
Just for one moment I heard somebody call
Looked beyond the day in hand - there's nothing there at all
Now that I've realised how it's all gone wrong
Got to find some therapy, this treatment takes too long
Deep in the heart of where sympathy held sway
Got to find my destiny before it gets too late
He knew how to get her. Peter may not have been subtle in the same fashion that she was, but that wasn't his way. He went straight to the sensitive sore spots that needn't be touched by a sharp or serrated edge. He knew exactly what he was doing by making her hear this song, and given the circumstances, it may have actually been working. It could have been what was going on in her own head, and by the strict and precise delegation in the choosing of songs, she figured that was his purpose in put this song at this point on this stupid mixed tape. Her tired body found it's way off of her couch, and her tired hand found it's way to the stop button.
This was going to be a long night. She looked at the clock. Five forty-five. Great. Only a jillion minutes until Peter got there? What the hell was she going to do with that time? She decided on a shower.
Steeping out of the shower into the steamy bathroom was one of the greatest feelings she'd felt in weeks. She'd showered in the past few weeks, of course, but for some reason, the cool air on her warm skin was all the more relieving this time. Maybe it was sort of a de-stressor. She didn't know. She didn't care, either. She looked in the foggy mirror, and attempted to wipe it own with a towel; no luck. Cassandra then opted for getting dressed.
"What to wear?" She asked, looking through her closet. She decided on a turquoise cami, a long brown sweater, and some tight jeans. She'd worry about shoes if she went out, but for now, her bare feet felt good on the carpet. She went into the bathroom, applied some mascara and blush, blow-dried and straightened her hair, and at nearly 6:57, the doorbell rang. She sighed. For the first time in his life, he was on time. Why tonight?
She went to the door and opened it. He looked good. A huge improvement from earlier in the day.
"You look a lot better." He smiled and stepped inside.
"You look the same." She closed the door and looked at him.
"Which is good. Don't get me wrong."
"I think it's expected of people to get what you say wrong. Don't worry about it." This was friendly conversation that hadn't happened in a long time. Mostly because it was almost small-talk, and that was something that had never existed between Cassandra and Peter. Oh, well. It was a start.
"Why did you need to come over?" He just sighed.
"No. I didn't mean it that way. I didn't mean to sound...whatever. You know what I meant. No games Peter. I know you hate them as much as I do. Why did you need to come over?"
"I was wondering if you were close to a decision. I know I said I could wait, but I was lying. I'm a fucking liar, and I want to know what's going on inside your head. I used to know by looking at you. But lately, you haven't let me do much of that, so now you're going to have to tell me. I can't guess. I'm not inside your head anymore."
"Oh, yes you are." He half-smiled.
"I know. I just needed to hear you say it. How far are you?" She, initially, had no idea what he was talking about.
"What?...Oh! The tape. Five. I'm on Five. You were careful. It's our story. I owe you that, at least."
"Five. I guess I expected you to be farther. Five is acceptable, though. I think that's all I wanted to know. I wanted your time. I'll leave. Have a good night." She stepped in front of him and put a hand on his chest.
"Stay." He shook his head.
"I'm not doing this again, Cass. I need to go home." She shook her head again.
"You are home. Friends?" He looked confused. "I still need to finish the tape. I still need to know what's going to happen between us, but I know I need to forgive you. I know that's what my mom would have told me to do, at least. I can hear her saying it, over and over. Probably because she really used to say it to me at least once a week. So you're forgiven. I need to see where all of this leaves us, of course, but you can consider yourself forgiven." He smiled. It was working.
"Now, you have a room. Go to it. Sleep. We'll go to breakfast in the morning." He watched her walk away a pulled his homemade white flag out of his pocket.
"I guess I didn't need this." She came back around the corner.
"Need what?" He shoved it back into his pocket.
"Nothing, Cass. See you in the morning." She waved at him without looking and walked down the hall. The second she turned her head, he threw it away.
"I'm a lucky bastard." He heard laughing.
"Yeah, you are." He smiled, and closed to door to his room. He was home.
Cassandra's head was spinning when she laid down in bed.
"The tape. I need to finish the tape." She quickly got up, softly walked into the living room, and pulled the tape out of it's deck.
When she returned to her room, she put it in her old stereo. He better have something good planned. She had, after all, let him back into her house.
She opened up the little playbook that Peter had tucked inside the case, and read.
6. The Minstrel's Prayer.
And all these stupid silly songs
Keep trying to catch your ear
I'm trying desperately
Its just so hard to persevere
And even if you listened
I never had to much to say
Cause its the same old song
I'm written for the day
Shelter me oh genius words
Just give me strength
Just to pen these things
And give me peace to well her wings
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl
All these minstrels through the ages
That is really all we are
Simply singing for the girl
That makes us try so very hard
To craft the perfect limerick
To wield unending woe
To write such silly songs
And the different never know
Shelter me oh genius words
Just give me strength
Just to pen these things
And give me peace to well her wings
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl
And i'll hold on to the dream
Of this beggar's plea and optimistic fantasy
Just hold the hand and drop the knee
You're facing love
You're embracing melody
Shelter me oh genius words
Just give me strength
Just to pen these things
And give me peace to well her wings
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl
Cass,
This song just reminds me of us. No further explanations. Thanks for listening. You're half way there.
-Peter.
He was so...perfectly impossible to resist. How was she going to be able to tell him now, and let him down in that manner, when he'd gone to all this trouble? That was it. She had a plan. She was going to compose her own mixed tape. The problem was, she hadn't finished his. She totally got the jist of what he was trying to convey, but she knew he'd be upset of she didn't finish something he'd worked so hard on.
Cassandra figured it out. She'd fast forward to the last song, and then she'd compile her cute listen message to Peter through song. She hit the fast forward button. She prayed that it would work. She really wasn't the praying type.
He finger hit play, and she immediately heard Peter's voice coming through the speakers, she backed up a little, and pushed play again. Air. Then, his voice came, nervous, and sad.
"Hey, Cass. It's me. It's completely ridiculous of me to be telling you that, but it is. I've worked hard, and if you're still listening, I guess it's been at least semi-worth it. Maybe I've changed you mind. Maybe I haven't, but nonetheless, I'm sure you believe me when I say I'm sorry. I know those are your least favorite words, but I wrote it on this paper when I was making my closing speech, and it's in pen, and you'll just have to live with it. I love you. I know that's huge and your heart probably just exploded in your chest, but before you let your brain explode as well, I should tell you what I mean by saying those words on this tape. You've been my best friend for 18 going on 19 years. That's an incredible amount of time. Beforer we decided we were in love on a greater level, we would throw around the phrase all the time. I think, in this relationship at least, that those words have lost their meaning. It's like we have to say it or we're not really feeling it. You know what I think? I think actions speak louder than words. I think you think so too. You're Cassandra Grace Combs, and I know that's exactly what you think. So we're nearing this end of this journey by song, and I think you should know, that I love you, and even though your last great memory of me doesn't necessarily prove that to you, come talk to me. I'll do my best to redeem myself. Tell me you've finished this the second you finish it. I mean that. I know you're considering waiting a few days because you're just funny that way, but seriously. Come tell me when you finish this.
I know that will be easy. My best guess says I'm asleep in the next room, and since I know my best guess is right, I'm telling you to listen for approximately eight more minutes, and then come talk to me. Signing off."
He was such a douche bag sometimes. It drove her insane how he had this elaborate and indestructible home in her heart and head that she couldn't even begin to eradicate, or peer inside, or have any idea as to why it existed at all. She kept listening, and stared at her ceiling.
7. MFEO- Jack's Mannequin
I swim across an ocean
It's my matress in the basement
I'm sweatin' out excuses
That would make your stomach turn
The road we drove last night
Stretched from the desert
To Las Vegas
We filled our cups and lit one up
The snow began to burn
Maybe
We were made
We were made for each other
Is it possible
For the world to look this way forever?
I talked so much
I'm sure I didn't realize I'd gone crazy
Didn't catch my bloody nose
Or that my heart tried to explode
I still live with my High School friends
Some people never change at all
We're still the same impulsive drunks
We were when we were small
Someone get this man to a hospital
Maybe
We were made
We were made for each other
Is it possible
For the world to look this way forever?
And I'm, a long way
From my firework days
But I still like to burn, burn, burn
I'm always
In the haze of a car crash
The orange airbag dust covers everything
Everything
Maybe
We were made
We were made for each other
Is it possible
For the world to look this way forever?
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out on you
You waited for me in the rain
In the parking lot
Cold hands
Lips blue
Clothes stuck to you
You could have phoned me for a ride
It's a mess out there
you said the rain's the rain
Some air'd be good for you
(You can breathe)
(You can breathe now)
Well good for you
(You can breathe)
(But the air is running out)
You get in my car
Where its warm
You cannot forget
skin new
Hands true
My hands all over you
so what's another night
The seat's rolled back, they can't see
The rain's the rain
Some air'd be good for you
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out on you
And you walked for miles
Down the shores of California
To the coast of Mexico
Where you could hide
And no one had to know
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out (on you now)
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out
You can breathe
You can breathe now
You can breathe
But the air is running out on you
Running out on you
Maybe we were made for each other
You can breathe but the air is running out
Maybe the world could look like this forever
Maybe we were made for each other
You can breathe but the air is running out
Maybe the world will look like this forever
Maybe we were made for each other
Maybe we were made for each other
Maybe we were made for each other
We were made for each...
He'd planned on that one's effect as well. Maybe she should leave him in there. Maybe she should ignore him for the next few days until she had her list of songs compiled. Or maybe, she should give him the songs one song at a time. It wouldn't be on a tape, of course, but she could burn a song onto a CD, and leave the Cd's in different places every time. He would be led down a heart and gut-wrenching path like the one he had led her on, but he wouldn't ever guess the outcome along the way. He would have no idea where he was going. That was her goal. She wasn't going to ever bring it up in daily conversation. She would simply leave the song and note under his pillow or in the bathroom, taped to the mirror, or somewhere else she knew he'd find it, and if he tried to bring it up through out the day, she'd simply avoid it. This was her game, now. The pass had been intercepted and it was her turn to play follow the leader.
Where to start?
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