Categories > Movies > X-Men: The Movie
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(#) Jeram 2005-05-08
Hmm, where do I begin?
Your spelling and grammar are good, but the terse sentence style makes the flow feel abrupt and stunted. The idea is a good one - how could they consumate their relationship?
But the idea of Rogue getting turned on by watching Bobby and Logan wrestle? That doesn't seem in her character - she seemed to have gotten over her crush on Logan.
Also, the idea that Wolverine would provide combat training to any lone student seems ludicrous - in addition to the idea that Logan would ever lose to Bobby. It does not seem in Logan's character to either a) be sexually ambigious in any way (he seems pretty clearly heterosexual) or b) get involved in a student.
I can't see how Logan could possibly see Marie as anything but a younger sister.
Perhaps with more background story, this story could make more sense, but the problem is that we, as readers, are immediately thrust into a world where many assumptions are made. This tends to make a reader think "What? He wouldn't do that." and stop reading.
Another positive idea was that Marie wanted to choose between them - not that would solve the intimacy problem.
Take a careful look, reread the story, and figure out exactly how you want to the characters to change.
And above all, SHOW, don't TELL. Your story just says "This is what happened", but it doesn't paint a picture - SHOW us how things changed instead.
Good luck.Choose
(#) roguesummers18 2011-07-22
don't lisen to Jeram it was cool and they were wrong to point down creativity
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