Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Diary of Serena Holstrain
i'ma warn you...sadness is abound in this chapter....i dont even know what that means...i'ma go look it up...yeah i actually used that right...wow i'm good...
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2 days later, we went to the doctor. The whole band came with us. They called me back and Gerard came with me, while the rest of the band waited. We got in the room and they started doing tests. Within about 10 minutes, one of the doctors came in and looked at me.
"Ms. Holstrain.......you aren't pregnant" She told me. I stared at her in disbelief. It took a minute for it to sink in. When it did sink in, Gerard was there. I was sitting on the bed and Gerard was standing beside me. I put my head on his chest and buried my face into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around me. I breathed in. There was that smell again. Memories flooded. Us meeting. Us starting to date. My birthday. When Gerard proposed. I wanted to stay there forever, feeling safe and happy. I figured if I stayed there, nothing could ever hurt me again. Garn would be gone, I would never have false hopes about babies, injuries. He grabbed my hand and quietly said, "Sugar, we have to go." I nodded and wiped my eyes. We went out and the guys saw me crying. Mikey opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but Gerard shot him a look and shook his head. Frank rubbed my back and walked to the car. We got back to the house and I went to sit alone in Gerard's old bedroom. I sat there and cried. "It could be worse," I thought. "I could've miscarriaged. I guess that pregnancy test just wasn't any good." I was still hurting, though. What if I was infertile? What if Gerard was sterile? What if...what if...what if...? These were the only things I could think about. After about 4 hours, everyone got worried and sent Gerard after me. Seeing him, I started bawling all over again. He picked me up like a baby and sat down with me on his lap. I buried my face in his neck. He rubbed my leg. We sat there for a few minutes, Gerard staring at the wall, thinking about what could've been, while listening to me hyperventilate from crying.
"I just wanna die, Gee. I hate my life." I was having trouble talking because I was crying so much, so I tried my best to calm myself down and tried to talk again.
"Garn wants me dead, Brian's gone, my 'baby' never was. Whay, Gerard? Why is this happening to me? Why can't it just be a normal life? We can just get married, have kids, buy a house. I'll pack your lunch before you go to work, you can come home to work chocolate chip cookies. Why can't it just be like that?" I finished. I was crying yet again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried more. He put his hand on the back of my head and played with my hair.
"It's ok, sugar. We'll have a baby." Gerard quietly reassured me.
"It's not just that, Gee. It's Garn. I don't even know if I'm gonna live to marry the person I love the most, let alone have a baby!" I told him.
"Serena, I've already told you! I won't leave you and if Garn gets you, he gets me first." He told me sincerely. I looked in his eyes and sensed that he was being sincere. I grabbed his hand and got up, I wanted to watch tv.
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2 days later, we went to the doctor. The whole band came with us. They called me back and Gerard came with me, while the rest of the band waited. We got in the room and they started doing tests. Within about 10 minutes, one of the doctors came in and looked at me.
"Ms. Holstrain.......you aren't pregnant" She told me. I stared at her in disbelief. It took a minute for it to sink in. When it did sink in, Gerard was there. I was sitting on the bed and Gerard was standing beside me. I put my head on his chest and buried my face into his shirt. He wrapped his arms around me. I breathed in. There was that smell again. Memories flooded. Us meeting. Us starting to date. My birthday. When Gerard proposed. I wanted to stay there forever, feeling safe and happy. I figured if I stayed there, nothing could ever hurt me again. Garn would be gone, I would never have false hopes about babies, injuries. He grabbed my hand and quietly said, "Sugar, we have to go." I nodded and wiped my eyes. We went out and the guys saw me crying. Mikey opened his mouth like he was going to say something, but Gerard shot him a look and shook his head. Frank rubbed my back and walked to the car. We got back to the house and I went to sit alone in Gerard's old bedroom. I sat there and cried. "It could be worse," I thought. "I could've miscarriaged. I guess that pregnancy test just wasn't any good." I was still hurting, though. What if I was infertile? What if Gerard was sterile? What if...what if...what if...? These were the only things I could think about. After about 4 hours, everyone got worried and sent Gerard after me. Seeing him, I started bawling all over again. He picked me up like a baby and sat down with me on his lap. I buried my face in his neck. He rubbed my leg. We sat there for a few minutes, Gerard staring at the wall, thinking about what could've been, while listening to me hyperventilate from crying.
"I just wanna die, Gee. I hate my life." I was having trouble talking because I was crying so much, so I tried my best to calm myself down and tried to talk again.
"Garn wants me dead, Brian's gone, my 'baby' never was. Whay, Gerard? Why is this happening to me? Why can't it just be a normal life? We can just get married, have kids, buy a house. I'll pack your lunch before you go to work, you can come home to work chocolate chip cookies. Why can't it just be like that?" I finished. I was crying yet again. I wrapped my arms around his neck and cried more. He put his hand on the back of my head and played with my hair.
"It's ok, sugar. We'll have a baby." Gerard quietly reassured me.
"It's not just that, Gee. It's Garn. I don't even know if I'm gonna live to marry the person I love the most, let alone have a baby!" I told him.
"Serena, I've already told you! I won't leave you and if Garn gets you, he gets me first." He told me sincerely. I looked in his eyes and sensed that he was being sincere. I grabbed his hand and got up, I wanted to watch tv.
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