FicWad

Author: Strings393
Fiction Title: Get Mine, Get Yours
Chapter Title: 04 Flesh, Blood, Bone, Love
Pairing: Benji/Joel
Rating: PG-13
Genre: AU, BDSM, Twincest
Warnings: Language, Violence, Sexual Reference
Summary: Joel Combs is the football captain loved by everyone. Well, almost everyone. Benji Madden couldn't stand the sight of him at first, but things changed. The past was rocky, but who's to say that there aren't blue skies after the storm? SEQUEL TO WICKED TICKLES. AU/BDSM/Twincest.
Disclaimer: I do not own anyone or anything except the plot. The title, Get Mine, Get Yours/, is the title of a Christina Aguilera song off her album /Stripped/. There is a lyric from /Get Stoned by Hinder in here; I don't own that.
Author's Note: Sorry it's so short, but at least it's something.

So there we were, Benji and I, lying in my bed after having long desired sex. He had fallen asleep and I was stroking his wet hair, loving how soft it felt. This is how I loved to feel; waking up with someone I actually cared about next to me. Was this real? I ran a hand over his shoulder and down his arm, contouring his with mine. It felt real.

Please don't let this be a dream. I mentally pleaded. Please let this be real.

I moved my hand down to his abdomen and felt the small muscles there, memorizing the curves and the softness of his skin. I snuggled down so that his head was no longer resting on my chest, but instead our bodies were right up against each other and took in his scent, almost like the smell of a rain storm right before it happens. I kissed his shoulder and closed my eyes, drifting off to sleep myself.

When I woke up five hours later, Benji wasn't next to me anymore. I sat up and looked around, but didn't see any sign of him. I got up and put on a pair of pants over my boxers before heading downstairs. I didn't see him down there either, but I noticed that everywhere we were the other night was clean. He must have cleaned up and then left.

Fuck.

I put my back to the wall and slid down to sit on the floor. What the fuck was I thinking last night? I knew it. I fucking knew that everything I felt was going to come back after we did something like that. Pulling my knees up to my chest and resting my chin on them, a tear escaped my eyes.

Fuck.

I didn't want to feel like shit again. I just wanted Benji. Why was that so much to ask of him? Why couldn't he see that I just wanted to love him and take care of him? He didn't even have to do much for me. I would do anything for him.

God damnit.

I banged my head against the wall in frustration as another tear rolled down my cheek. I was in love with a man that didn't love me back. The fact that I was in love with a man was scary enough, but the fact that he didn't feel the same made everything worse. He got me into this, why couldn't he be kind enough to help me out?
***
I wasn't looking forward to it, but I went to school the next morning with a smile plastered on my face so no one would ask me why I felt so shitty. Half of me hoped I didn't see Benji all day and the other half hoped that I ran into him so I could find out what happened. Without really paying attention to where I was going, I bumped into Erica and sent her stuff to the floor. I bent down to pick it up, mumbling an apology. She squeaked out a thanks and when I looked at her, she looked like she was going to cry.

Mentally cursing myself, I walked away. I really was like Benji. Looking at her, I felt disgusted for what I did. She looked so fragile now. Is that how Benji saw me? Fragile? That was the last thing I wanted; him taking pity on me. But that's exactly what he was doing, wasn't it? He didn't love me at all. He just felt guilty and felt that the only way to make up for what he had done was to set me straight again. Well, it wasn't that fucking easy. Everything in our relationship was so twisted up now because of him.

After school, I saw him hanging out with his friends as I walked to my car. When he caught sight of me, he got up and jogged over to catch up with me. "Hey." he said. I managed a nod and put the key into my car door to unlock it. "Listen, I'm going to be staying at Mark's for a while, okay?" I looked at him with my hand on the handle of my car. "Shit got out of control the other night and I'm sorry for that." I opened the door and threw my stuff inside.

"I'm not." I replied, getting in myself.

"I figured that would be how you felt." I shrugged.

"Should I feel any other way?"

"You shouldn't get your hopes up, Joel."

"Thanks, Benj. That means a lot." I shut the door and he went around to the other side, knocking on the window for me to unlock it. Ignoring him, I started the engine and put it into reverse, but he jumped on the hood and wouldn't get off even when I pulled out of the space and drove out of the parking lot. Realizing that he'd cling to my windshield until I got home, I pulled over and let him in. "You're a crazy son of a bitch."

"But it gets your attention." he replied. "Joel, I'm really sorry about leading you on the other night. Nothing changed between us, you know that, right?"

"You know, you got me into this who boy on boy shit. You remember that? You remember when I was a normal, straight kid?"

"I know. I'm sorry for that too."

"Why? What's so repulsive about me?"

"Nothing! Nothing's repulsive about you at all."

"So why do you get this glint in your eye every time I tell you that I love you? It always seems like something disgusts you when I tell you; or when I look at you."

"It's not disgust."

"So what the hell is it then?"

"Don't worry about it."

"The hell I won't. You give me the same look every day. I'm sick of feeling like shit on your behalf."

"Pull over." he said.

"What?"

"Pull over."

"Why?"

"Just pull over."

"I'm not letting you run from this conversation."

"I'VE GOT TO GO!" he shouted. "I've got to go away for a while and sort things out. Pull over." I looked at him with slight surprise, but pulled over anyway. I put a hand on his shoulder before he got out.

"Just remember..." I started, but he interrupted me.

"Don't touch me." I retracted my hand and felt the familiar hurt in my chest. "Please...I just need to figure things out." he said, getting out of my car and walking down the street. At that moment, I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces. What was bothering him that he couldn't tell me? He said he trusted me. Why was he hiding from me? I pulled away and made a beeline for my house, thoughts racing through my head. I felt useless. I was confused more than anything. I just wanted to know what was going on.

/So find out/. That voice said. It took a second before I was turning around and heading off to find Benji. I spotted him walking, pulled into the driveway he was about to cross and got out of the car.

"Before you go and sort things out for yourself, you listen to me." I said, standing in front of him and shoving his shoulder. "I know you've had a fucked up life. I know you've had a lot of fucked up relationships."

"Go home, Joel." he said.

"Shut the fuck up." I shouted. "You're going to fucking listen to me, damn it."

"I already know what you're going to say."

"Then let me drill it into your head."

"Joel..." he started, but I smacked him across the face.

"Talk again and it'll be a punch." I threatened.

"I think we both know I could kick your ass, Joel." I went to punch him with my right hand, but he blocked that. When I tried with my left, he blocked that too; so I kneed him in the balls and sent him to the ground.

"I'm sure we both know that, but while I'm here, you're going to listen to me. Got it?" He nodded, hands on his balls and face contorted in pain. I sighed. "Well, there's no use in saying anything important now because you're not focusing on me." I leaned against my car and waited until he was recovered enough to sit up and look at me.

"I'm getting you back for that." I nodded and scratched my head.

"Yeah, I'm excited. Any way, I came back for a reason."

"No kiddin'." he replied sarcastically.

"Kicking you in the nuts wasn't part of the plan. That's just what you get fro being an asshole."

"I appreciate it."

"As you should." He glared up at me, but I ignored it. "I know you used me, Benj. That's a no brainer. I know that you've fucked nearly every guy in town,"

"Not every guy."

"Shush." I hissed. "I know that you've fucked nearly every guy in town and yet I'm still standing here, waiting for you to come back." I squatted down so that I was eye level with him. "You trust me. I trust you. I know you've been through a lot of shit in the past and I would take that all away if I could. I love you, Benji. I love you enough to beat the shit out of you and make you listen to me rant. I love you enough to let you stay in my home rather than leave you out in the cold. I love you enough to stand by me even though you fucked me over more than anyone could imagine. Now if that doesn't give you a glimpse at how much I want to be with you, then I don't know how else to let you know.

"It's not that easy."

"You're the one making it complicated!" I exclaimed. "I just want to give you the best I can. If you can't accept that, fine. If you still don't feel the same, fine. But just know that you won't find someone else that can withstand all the baggage you come with. I just wanted to let you know that."

He didn't say anything and didn't look like he was going to, so I went around to the driver's side of the car and got in, putting it into reverse and backing out of the driveway. I leaned over and rolled down the passenger side window. "I'll see you around." I shouted to him before I drove off.

Now the most I could do was just sit and wait for him. I've let him know how I felt and that I was for real, that I wasn't going anywhere. Now if he thinks I'm really worth it, he'll come back.