Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Love Will Tear Us Apart
I've Held On Too Long To Let It Go
8 reviewsDo you cry out in your sleep? All my feelings exposed... Get a tase in my mouth... As desperation takes hold... Is it something so good? Just can't function no more... Love Will Tear Us Ap...
1Moving
A note from Evie: Flashbacks are in italics.
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Lexi sighed as she watched Robert sit silently in the corner of the couch, a vacant stare fixated on the TV where music videos were playing. She took a deep breath and saw Joe shift from where he sat as well, occasionally glancing over at Robert every once and a while.
Lexi turned her head away from the TV again, looking back down at her son, who let out a sigh, making a smile appear on Lexi's face. She was so transfixed on her child that it surprised her when he raised his arm and pointed at the TV, a bright smile appearing on his face.
"Dada!" he cried, Lexi and Joe both whipping their heads to the TV where in fact an old video of theirs was playing- A Little Less Sixteen Candles.
"It seems like forever ago," Joe whispered and Lexi nodded, looking back down at Robert who seemed transfixed on the video.
I confess...I messed up, dropping 'I'm sorry' like your still around...
----------
Pete practically groaned as his own video appeared on the screen, his own words filling his head as he curled up on the couch, trying to drown out the sound.
Don't even take this bet...
His arm came from under the pillow and blindly found the remote, turning the TV off and sighing as silence took over the empty home. Pete sighed as he stood up, dragging his feet as he made his way towards the bathroom. He stood there for a moment, just staring himself down, cursing in his mind at how he let all his worst fears unravel.
It occurred to Pete then that he had truly fucked up. The fear started to rise in his heart that this was possibly the last straw for Lexi, and that she may never see him the same light as he so desperately wanted returned. He blinked slowly, his heavy, bloodshot and sleep deprived eyes sinking as fast as his heart was.
"Why do I have to be such a dumb-fuck?" he asked himself and Pete shook his head, running a hand through his hair, pushing more into his face, aggravated. He thought again, gripping the sides of the sink as he stared at the drain. Lexi was his everything, and just by one simple slip up, he ruined it...and Pete remembered it wasn't the first time, either.
"Pete...there's something I have to tell you..." Lexi whispered and Pete shook his head.
"I came here for one thing, Lexi..." Lexi's breath caught in her throat and watched as Pete raised a hand to her cheek, pushing her hair back and caressing it, tears glazing his eyes.
"Pete," she said and he sighed, biting his lip.
"I don't think I can keep doing this," he closed his eyes, and Lexi's lips parted her heart slowing as he said those words.
"What?" Lexi croaked and Pete dropped his head.
"I can't keep running after you..." he whispered and Lexi took a shaky breath, having a hard time finding her breath.
"Pete...no," She mumbled and Pete shook his head.
"Damnit Lexi, I shouldn't have to try..." Lexi wrung her hands together and closed her eyes, feeling tears slip out from the corners of them.
"But..." She stopped and fell to her knees, covering her face with her hands.
"Lexi...I...I have to go..." he rushed it and Lexi shook her head, mumbling incoherent things as she heard his footsteps trail down her stairs and minutes later the front door close.
Pete winced at the memory. He had let Lexi down so many times before, but every time, she seemed to find the good in Pete and forgiven him. Pete pondered to himself why she would, telling himself he was just a pathetic excuse of a boyfriend...a fiancé.
A father.
"Lexi?" Lexi took a shaky breath as William pushed her hair back and told her to look. She turned slightly to see Pete, the life completely washed out of his face. "You're...you're pregnant?" his voice cracked and Lexi gulped, breaking away from William and turning fully to him, taking a very shaky breath.
"Yeah," she whispered and Pete took a cautious step closer.
"William?" he asked and William gulped. "You went back to William? I can't believe this shit," Lexi gasped and looked at William who creased his eyebrows together before stepping in front of her.
"How dense can you get, Pete?" he yelled and Pete raised an eyebrow.
"What?" he asked and William shook his head.
"Now I know why Lexi didn't tell you. Look at the father, dumb as a fucking post!" Pete's angered expression softened and his hands poised in front of his mouth as his eyes shifted to Lexi's, burning them for answers.
"Lexi...is he, is William telling the truth?" he croaked and she bit her lip, holding onto William's jacket as she nodded, sliding to hide behind him.
"I was going to tell you the night you...you left," Lexi could see from where she stood Pete flinch and his hands clench tight before he took a step closer.
These memories just seemed to keep flooding back, like a film strip in his mind as Pete tried to keep his cool, already feeling the tears brim his eyes.
"Why do I have to do these things to her?" he croaked out to nobody and stared up at the mirror before his eyes drifted to a little white bottle on the counter.
/Ativan/
Pete sighed before gripping the bottle, letting the recommended dose slip into his palm. He nodded, that was enough for now.
"Take me away from my conscious," he whispered and closed his eyes, snapping his hand to his mouth, feeling the chalky taste of the two pills slipping down his throat.
Looking away for a moment Lexi gathered her thoughts and snuck into his room to see him now lying in one of the twin beds, a bottle of Ativan in one hand and a cup of water pressed to his lips, it tilt back him drinking it. She gasped at the sight and he pulled it down only to shake his head violently at her.
"No, no, no...you're not supposed to be here," he whispered and Lexi let herself break down right there, and walked over to him as he sat up, trying to stop her.
"Pete...what have you done," Lexi gripped him close and held on as both their voices cracked, tears moistening each other's shoulders. He shook violently and gulped shaking his head into the crook of her neck.
"You don't love me," he whispered and Lexi bit her lip.
"That's no reason to do this, Pete," Lexi pulled back and held his hands her my own, letting her eyes drift to a tattoo she never noticed. Right there on his right wrist were her lyrics.
"I'm begging for the rain to stop pouring from your eyes,"
Lexi's bottom lip shook and her vision got glazed as she looked back up to see Pete shaking his head.
"I don't deserve this," he said and took his hands back reaching for the bottle again. Lexi dove and caught his arms, pinning him back down on the bed.
"How many did you take, Pete?" she asked in a whisper. Pete adverted his gaze away and Lexi gripped his shoulders, staring him down. "How many, Pete?" she asked and he hiccupped.
"Five," he whispered and he slumped against her, burying his head in her shoulder yet again.
As he sobbed, Lexi reacted in the stupidest way possible. She reached for the bottle herself and quietly shook five out. Pete stopped abruptly and pulled back, wiping his tears on the sleeve of his red and white striped shirt.
"What..." his eyes widened when he saw the five white tablets in Lexi's hand. "What are you doing?" he hissed and Lexi pursed her lips together before taking a big breath and intertwining her free hand with his.
"Proving that I love you," he shook his head as Lexi slipped them into her mouth and gulped everything down.
"Lexi," she shook her head and fell against him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
Pete held back tightly and pet her hair, kissing her ear and whispering everything from 'Why' to 'No'. Lexi closed her eyes and snuggled against him, bringing him down to lay next to her. He grimly looked at her and Lexi shook her head.
"Pete, I love you," he nodded.
"I love you too Lexi,"
----------
Lexi sighed as she sat at the breakfast counter, letting Patrick hand her cookies from the jar Heather had in the cupboard.
"I miss the way things used to be," she whispered and Patrick looked as though he was thinking, chewing slowly before he nodded, turning his head towards Lexi.
"This is going to piss you off so much, but... I think I'm done..." Lexi raised an eyebrow.
"What?" she asked and Patrick shifted his feet uncomfortably.
"It's just...it seems like it would be so much easier for me to back out then to stay and try to fix things," Lexi bit her lip.
"You sound exactly like Pete, and I don't want that to happen to Heather," Patrick nodded.
"I know...it's just," A frantic yell from the living room interrupted them and the two jerked their head up before jolting towards the living room where Joe looked horrified.
"Robert won't wake up," Lexi's face completely fell. She ran over to where her baby was napping on the couch and placed a hand over his back, gently shaking his back.
"Robert...come on baby," she said, already on the verge of tears. Patrick came over and checked his pulse.
"He's still here...just...oh my god," he breathed and Joe did the first thing that came to mind.
Lexi started to breathe heavily in short rapid breaths and waited for what seemed like an hour until the paramedics took her baby away, Patrick taken with him.
----------
Lexi shook again and bit her lip as more tears threatened to surface, listening as Pete whimpered in her ear, tears already streaming down his face.
"Lexi, it shouldn't have to happen like this," he whispered and she shook her head.
The moment Lexi ran into the hospital waiting room with Joe close behind her, she spotted Patrick sitting outside a room, staring at the ground.
"Patrick?" Lexi croaked and he bit his lip.
"They don't know," he whispered and she took a deep breath.
"No..." she whimpered and Patrick gulped.
"By law they had to call Pete...he's the legal father..." Lexi took a shaky breath and turned to the door.
"Can I?" she asked and Patrick nodded, Joe sitting down in the chair next to him.
Lexi closed her eyes as she walked into the cold room, biting her lip as she saw her little baby, looking so hurt. Her heart fell and she struggled to take steps towards the small incubator, just standing there on one side, in her vision still the door. Her ears perked up at the sound of commotion outside and she closed her eyes tightly.
"You have to let me in there, Patrick! It's my child! I'm the father!" Lexi's breath shuddered and she shook her head.
"Too bad you weren't much of one," she whispered to herself.
"Lexi," Lexi looked up and locked eyes with Pete who had managed to slip in, the door slowly closing behind him.
"I'm with you right now...it's all I care about," he blinked once at Lexi, a tear falling from his eyelash and onto her nose from their positions on the bed.
Lexi sighed and snuggled closer, feeling another twinge in her stomach, a stinging feeling and her head pounding.
"I love you," he whispered and she didn't say anything for a long time.
Lexi blindly reached out and lightly intertwined their hands, barely griping. Pete sighed and kissed one of her knuckles before taking one of his free hands and tilting her head up. Lexi opened her eyes for a brief second to see Pete growing pale and his eyes drooping.
Lexi rested her forehead against his and made their noses touch for a second before letting her lips graze his, not exactly kissing but barely touching. Pete's mouth parted for a minute and Lexi's did as well as his eyes halfway opened. She blinked softly before nodding.
"Lexi, oh god," Pete whispered as he entered the room, instantly running to her side and embracing her in a hug she didn't return.
Lexi looked hopelessly up at Pete's face and saw the darkening shadow of his un-shaved face and the light red that surrounded his pupils.
"Pete, you're not helping," she whispered and Pete pulled back, stepping back as well. Pete creased his eyebrows together.
"But I love you," he persisted and Lexi sighed, dropping her head to watch as she slipped of the ring Pete had given Lexi in honor of engagement.
"But I don't," she whispered, cupping his hand and placing the ring in his palm, closing his hand.
"I love you," Lexi paused as his eyes closed and he shook slightly again. "Pete," she whispered and he slightly moved his head.
"Hmm?" he asked and Lexi pressed her lips just a little bit to give him one last kiss. Against his lips as she closed her eyes and mumbled just the only thing that came to her mind.
A shrill beeping sounded through the entire room not a moment later, making both their head jerk towards Robert, the last link between the two.
"No," Lexi breathed and she shook the over whelming feel of tears as Patrick, Joe and the nearest doctor ran into the room, the doctor the only one moving to check on Robert.
A couple of more nurses came into the room and Patrick made a rational decision to push Pete away from Lexi, wrapping his own arms around her, turning her away from the chaos.
Pete let his eyes and head drop to where he opened his hand, revealing the sparkling diamond in his fingertips. His lips parted and his breathing stopped as everything grew silent, the doctor standing up straight again as the beeping resided, now and forever.
"I'm sorry Miss Starr," Pete didn't dare to look up, just cringe at the fact she still did not have his last name.
It was so frightened, the fear the three men had as Lexi stayed silent, her vacant look as she held desperately on Patrick, her gaze never breaking off her now deceased, her only child.
Her Robert.
Lexi had just lost everything she ever wished for.
"I'll see you in heaven..."
----------
Lexi sighed as she watched Robert sit silently in the corner of the couch, a vacant stare fixated on the TV where music videos were playing. She took a deep breath and saw Joe shift from where he sat as well, occasionally glancing over at Robert every once and a while.
Lexi turned her head away from the TV again, looking back down at her son, who let out a sigh, making a smile appear on Lexi's face. She was so transfixed on her child that it surprised her when he raised his arm and pointed at the TV, a bright smile appearing on his face.
"Dada!" he cried, Lexi and Joe both whipping their heads to the TV where in fact an old video of theirs was playing- A Little Less Sixteen Candles.
"It seems like forever ago," Joe whispered and Lexi nodded, looking back down at Robert who seemed transfixed on the video.
I confess...I messed up, dropping 'I'm sorry' like your still around...
----------
Pete practically groaned as his own video appeared on the screen, his own words filling his head as he curled up on the couch, trying to drown out the sound.
Don't even take this bet...
His arm came from under the pillow and blindly found the remote, turning the TV off and sighing as silence took over the empty home. Pete sighed as he stood up, dragging his feet as he made his way towards the bathroom. He stood there for a moment, just staring himself down, cursing in his mind at how he let all his worst fears unravel.
It occurred to Pete then that he had truly fucked up. The fear started to rise in his heart that this was possibly the last straw for Lexi, and that she may never see him the same light as he so desperately wanted returned. He blinked slowly, his heavy, bloodshot and sleep deprived eyes sinking as fast as his heart was.
"Why do I have to be such a dumb-fuck?" he asked himself and Pete shook his head, running a hand through his hair, pushing more into his face, aggravated. He thought again, gripping the sides of the sink as he stared at the drain. Lexi was his everything, and just by one simple slip up, he ruined it...and Pete remembered it wasn't the first time, either.
"Pete...there's something I have to tell you..." Lexi whispered and Pete shook his head.
"I came here for one thing, Lexi..." Lexi's breath caught in her throat and watched as Pete raised a hand to her cheek, pushing her hair back and caressing it, tears glazing his eyes.
"Pete," she said and he sighed, biting his lip.
"I don't think I can keep doing this," he closed his eyes, and Lexi's lips parted her heart slowing as he said those words.
"What?" Lexi croaked and Pete dropped his head.
"I can't keep running after you..." he whispered and Lexi took a shaky breath, having a hard time finding her breath.
"Pete...no," She mumbled and Pete shook his head.
"Damnit Lexi, I shouldn't have to try..." Lexi wrung her hands together and closed her eyes, feeling tears slip out from the corners of them.
"But..." She stopped and fell to her knees, covering her face with her hands.
"Lexi...I...I have to go..." he rushed it and Lexi shook her head, mumbling incoherent things as she heard his footsteps trail down her stairs and minutes later the front door close.
Pete winced at the memory. He had let Lexi down so many times before, but every time, she seemed to find the good in Pete and forgiven him. Pete pondered to himself why she would, telling himself he was just a pathetic excuse of a boyfriend...a fiancé.
A father.
"Lexi?" Lexi took a shaky breath as William pushed her hair back and told her to look. She turned slightly to see Pete, the life completely washed out of his face. "You're...you're pregnant?" his voice cracked and Lexi gulped, breaking away from William and turning fully to him, taking a very shaky breath.
"Yeah," she whispered and Pete took a cautious step closer.
"William?" he asked and William gulped. "You went back to William? I can't believe this shit," Lexi gasped and looked at William who creased his eyebrows together before stepping in front of her.
"How dense can you get, Pete?" he yelled and Pete raised an eyebrow.
"What?" he asked and William shook his head.
"Now I know why Lexi didn't tell you. Look at the father, dumb as a fucking post!" Pete's angered expression softened and his hands poised in front of his mouth as his eyes shifted to Lexi's, burning them for answers.
"Lexi...is he, is William telling the truth?" he croaked and she bit her lip, holding onto William's jacket as she nodded, sliding to hide behind him.
"I was going to tell you the night you...you left," Lexi could see from where she stood Pete flinch and his hands clench tight before he took a step closer.
These memories just seemed to keep flooding back, like a film strip in his mind as Pete tried to keep his cool, already feeling the tears brim his eyes.
"Why do I have to do these things to her?" he croaked out to nobody and stared up at the mirror before his eyes drifted to a little white bottle on the counter.
/Ativan/
Pete sighed before gripping the bottle, letting the recommended dose slip into his palm. He nodded, that was enough for now.
"Take me away from my conscious," he whispered and closed his eyes, snapping his hand to his mouth, feeling the chalky taste of the two pills slipping down his throat.
Looking away for a moment Lexi gathered her thoughts and snuck into his room to see him now lying in one of the twin beds, a bottle of Ativan in one hand and a cup of water pressed to his lips, it tilt back him drinking it. She gasped at the sight and he pulled it down only to shake his head violently at her.
"No, no, no...you're not supposed to be here," he whispered and Lexi let herself break down right there, and walked over to him as he sat up, trying to stop her.
"Pete...what have you done," Lexi gripped him close and held on as both their voices cracked, tears moistening each other's shoulders. He shook violently and gulped shaking his head into the crook of her neck.
"You don't love me," he whispered and Lexi bit her lip.
"That's no reason to do this, Pete," Lexi pulled back and held his hands her my own, letting her eyes drift to a tattoo she never noticed. Right there on his right wrist were her lyrics.
"I'm begging for the rain to stop pouring from your eyes,"
Lexi's bottom lip shook and her vision got glazed as she looked back up to see Pete shaking his head.
"I don't deserve this," he said and took his hands back reaching for the bottle again. Lexi dove and caught his arms, pinning him back down on the bed.
"How many did you take, Pete?" she asked in a whisper. Pete adverted his gaze away and Lexi gripped his shoulders, staring him down. "How many, Pete?" she asked and he hiccupped.
"Five," he whispered and he slumped against her, burying his head in her shoulder yet again.
As he sobbed, Lexi reacted in the stupidest way possible. She reached for the bottle herself and quietly shook five out. Pete stopped abruptly and pulled back, wiping his tears on the sleeve of his red and white striped shirt.
"What..." his eyes widened when he saw the five white tablets in Lexi's hand. "What are you doing?" he hissed and Lexi pursed her lips together before taking a big breath and intertwining her free hand with his.
"Proving that I love you," he shook his head as Lexi slipped them into her mouth and gulped everything down.
"Lexi," she shook her head and fell against him, wrapping her arms around his waist.
Pete held back tightly and pet her hair, kissing her ear and whispering everything from 'Why' to 'No'. Lexi closed her eyes and snuggled against him, bringing him down to lay next to her. He grimly looked at her and Lexi shook her head.
"Pete, I love you," he nodded.
"I love you too Lexi,"
----------
Lexi sighed as she sat at the breakfast counter, letting Patrick hand her cookies from the jar Heather had in the cupboard.
"I miss the way things used to be," she whispered and Patrick looked as though he was thinking, chewing slowly before he nodded, turning his head towards Lexi.
"This is going to piss you off so much, but... I think I'm done..." Lexi raised an eyebrow.
"What?" she asked and Patrick shifted his feet uncomfortably.
"It's just...it seems like it would be so much easier for me to back out then to stay and try to fix things," Lexi bit her lip.
"You sound exactly like Pete, and I don't want that to happen to Heather," Patrick nodded.
"I know...it's just," A frantic yell from the living room interrupted them and the two jerked their head up before jolting towards the living room where Joe looked horrified.
"Robert won't wake up," Lexi's face completely fell. She ran over to where her baby was napping on the couch and placed a hand over his back, gently shaking his back.
"Robert...come on baby," she said, already on the verge of tears. Patrick came over and checked his pulse.
"He's still here...just...oh my god," he breathed and Joe did the first thing that came to mind.
Lexi started to breathe heavily in short rapid breaths and waited for what seemed like an hour until the paramedics took her baby away, Patrick taken with him.
----------
Lexi shook again and bit her lip as more tears threatened to surface, listening as Pete whimpered in her ear, tears already streaming down his face.
"Lexi, it shouldn't have to happen like this," he whispered and she shook her head.
The moment Lexi ran into the hospital waiting room with Joe close behind her, she spotted Patrick sitting outside a room, staring at the ground.
"Patrick?" Lexi croaked and he bit his lip.
"They don't know," he whispered and she took a deep breath.
"No..." she whimpered and Patrick gulped.
"By law they had to call Pete...he's the legal father..." Lexi took a shaky breath and turned to the door.
"Can I?" she asked and Patrick nodded, Joe sitting down in the chair next to him.
Lexi closed her eyes as she walked into the cold room, biting her lip as she saw her little baby, looking so hurt. Her heart fell and she struggled to take steps towards the small incubator, just standing there on one side, in her vision still the door. Her ears perked up at the sound of commotion outside and she closed her eyes tightly.
"You have to let me in there, Patrick! It's my child! I'm the father!" Lexi's breath shuddered and she shook her head.
"Too bad you weren't much of one," she whispered to herself.
"Lexi," Lexi looked up and locked eyes with Pete who had managed to slip in, the door slowly closing behind him.
"I'm with you right now...it's all I care about," he blinked once at Lexi, a tear falling from his eyelash and onto her nose from their positions on the bed.
Lexi sighed and snuggled closer, feeling another twinge in her stomach, a stinging feeling and her head pounding.
"I love you," he whispered and she didn't say anything for a long time.
Lexi blindly reached out and lightly intertwined their hands, barely griping. Pete sighed and kissed one of her knuckles before taking one of his free hands and tilting her head up. Lexi opened her eyes for a brief second to see Pete growing pale and his eyes drooping.
Lexi rested her forehead against his and made their noses touch for a second before letting her lips graze his, not exactly kissing but barely touching. Pete's mouth parted for a minute and Lexi's did as well as his eyes halfway opened. She blinked softly before nodding.
"Lexi, oh god," Pete whispered as he entered the room, instantly running to her side and embracing her in a hug she didn't return.
Lexi looked hopelessly up at Pete's face and saw the darkening shadow of his un-shaved face and the light red that surrounded his pupils.
"Pete, you're not helping," she whispered and Pete pulled back, stepping back as well. Pete creased his eyebrows together.
"But I love you," he persisted and Lexi sighed, dropping her head to watch as she slipped of the ring Pete had given Lexi in honor of engagement.
"But I don't," she whispered, cupping his hand and placing the ring in his palm, closing his hand.
"I love you," Lexi paused as his eyes closed and he shook slightly again. "Pete," she whispered and he slightly moved his head.
"Hmm?" he asked and Lexi pressed her lips just a little bit to give him one last kiss. Against his lips as she closed her eyes and mumbled just the only thing that came to her mind.
A shrill beeping sounded through the entire room not a moment later, making both their head jerk towards Robert, the last link between the two.
"No," Lexi breathed and she shook the over whelming feel of tears as Patrick, Joe and the nearest doctor ran into the room, the doctor the only one moving to check on Robert.
A couple of more nurses came into the room and Patrick made a rational decision to push Pete away from Lexi, wrapping his own arms around her, turning her away from the chaos.
Pete let his eyes and head drop to where he opened his hand, revealing the sparkling diamond in his fingertips. His lips parted and his breathing stopped as everything grew silent, the doctor standing up straight again as the beeping resided, now and forever.
"I'm sorry Miss Starr," Pete didn't dare to look up, just cringe at the fact she still did not have his last name.
It was so frightened, the fear the three men had as Lexi stayed silent, her vacant look as she held desperately on Patrick, her gaze never breaking off her now deceased, her only child.
Her Robert.
Lexi had just lost everything she ever wished for.
"I'll see you in heaven..."
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