Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Bungle in the Jungle: A Harry Potter Adventure

Sleep in Green Meadows

by JBern 6 reviews

Time to go back to the jungle...

Category: Harry Potter - Rating: R - Genres: Action/Adventure, Humor - Characters: Bill Weasley, Harry, Luna - Warnings: [!!] [?] [X] - Published: 2006-10-13 - Updated: 2006-10-13 - 8395 words

Disclaimer - Neither you (Harry Potter) nor your new animagus form are your own property. A woman back in Britain owns your rights and all other rights to those people in what is loosely referred to as the Harry Potter universe - now who's got a big head Snape! You've got your own effing universe! What do you have Snivellus - a little potion's lab, bad hair and rumors of a persistent rash? You wonder if Granger knows that someone owns her self righteous little uppity behind? How are you going to free the house elves when you don't even own yourself?

Acknowledgements - The usual crew of maniacs (IP82, Sirius009, Nukular Winter, ChuckDaTruck and Nonjon) get a lot of credit and most even get a cameo in this chapter. Beta reviewing by the talented FairyQilan. Most importantly, many of the gags in this chapter are dedicated to the anonymous reviewer Zambrano Markowitz. He reviewed chapter 11 of this story and chapter 23 of my other story. Those reviews have provided a good chuckle for me and the usual crew. So if your out there Zambrano, kick back and grab some Smores...

Chapter 12 - Sleep in Green Meadows

Somehow, you escaped the reservation without anymore of those damn propositions. Lauren had kept shooting you some incredulous looks. You were beginning to regret promising that you would come back sometime and let her ask you again. Thundercloud seemed quite pleased with himself, even going so far as to say if she asks you again after the two of you have mastered your forms that you should consider it. He had you reapply your disguise prior to arriving at the portkey point. When you asked why, he explained that the American Ministry would detect your use of magic. The treaties specifically excluded their territories from monitoring.

Unfortunately, you are now stuck at the Steve Wynn International Portkey Terminal. It is at the end of the magical section of Las Vegas. The Portkey Center was basically a desk much like a rental car counter. An entire mall like structure had grown up around the desk. There were four pads; two for regional arrivals and departures and a duplicate set for international ones. A few Aurors, if that's what the Americans called them would check over the International arrivals, but for the most part it looked like a smooth process. The attendant, who was supposed to be providing your portkey to Honduras had been forced to leave for a medical emergency. The supervisor politely informed your group that the next licensed portkey creator would be on duty in two hours. Kwan asked if the supervisor could create the portkey.

The man responded, "Only in the event of an emergency. This isn't an emergency. We regret any inconvenience." You hate bureaucrats don't you? He's an effing Percy if you ever saw one! You were almost hoping Kwan would open an industrial can of hitwizard whupass on him. He does it to you and you try to be nice to him! Then again, fighting your way out of the United States doesn't seem like a very good way to maintain a low profile. Find your emotional center there oh mighty Jaguar Animagus!

There are a couple of shops in the terminal. You buy a couple of overpriced souvenirs. A witch with a small stand made a custom T-shirt for you - an animated shifty eyed looking squirrel who runs around on the shirt with various items appearing. The squirrel sneaks up on the objects, withdraws a ridiculously oversized mallet and destroys the item. The charm will supposedly last for two years. Luna should appreciate this. You like it so much you get a second one for yourself.

Dear Luna,

Hope you like the shirt! I had it made just for you. Now, you can never get away from the crazed squirrel!


You take the shirt and the note over to Discretionary Import-Export, where the motto is 'Anywhere, Anyplace, Anytime with no damn questions - ever." You pick up a couple of other minor trinkets, pamphlets, brochures, and assorted things that Luna and Looney might like and stuff them in the box and address the box to Luna. It was kind of pricey, but you don't really care about that now do you? Maybe you could get a time turner and open your own shipping company. Your motto could be, 'Your package will arrive before you even send it!' It's probably a better use for such a device then to allow some insufferable know it all more hours in a day to take classes. Wonder if she still gets to use one in her seventh year, if you never go back - the little backstabbing hussy!

The three of you catch a bite to eat on the mezzanine and try to pass the time. You duck into the loo to relieve yourself. While lording over your imaginary kingdom from the porcelain throne two people come in.

"Idiots! Buncha fucking idiots! Can't believe that we're stuck here!"

"Chuck, this job hasn't exactly sucked so far, has it? Think about it: we just spent the week in Vegas, Vegas, baby! Action everywhere, twenty-four seven! So what, we didn't find the Potter kid - leads don't always pan out. Maybe we didn't get paid this week, but we did okay on the tables. If you wanted a steady paycheck, you picked the wrong field. Anyway, it could be a lot worse. Carson and that new dude Ivan are up in Canada for crying out loud! The newbie said he had one of his 'visions' that the prize was hiding out on the reservations. They're stumbling around in the backwoods of Manitoba right now and we're in Vegas, Vegas, baby! I don't even want to think about the bastards that are stuck checking Africa and South America! There are some serious shitholes down there."

"I guess you're right, Sean. I still think we should be checking Europe. Boy was supposedly tight with Krum. Bulgaria might be a possibility?"

"Nah. I've got a guy in the know that says the kid isn't anywhere near Europe. Those trackers over there are wasting their time."

"Speaking of Indians, did you see the guy with that old Indian out there? I'd bet your left nut that's Kwan Chang-Ho, but I don't see Collins anywhere."

"Let's leave my nuts out of this, m'kay? How about we put your jewels on the line for a change?" The other one asked slightly perturbed. They may be talking about his nuts, but it is your ass on the line!

"Can't risk the champion swimmers - too important! I thought those two were running out of Mexico these days, but I swear it looks like him."

"Yeah, like you ran with Kwan and Collins? Cut the shit." You listen to the two bounty hunters wash their hands.

"Nah, they ran through me once - one of those nasty deals where two groups show up looking for the same collar. Deal went dirty fast and turned into a free for all. They got the package. I got a broken arm and two new partners after that. Where you want to go next after LA? Boston? Back to the craps tables?"

"We can swing back by here on our way back east. If I were going to go to ground, I'd do it in New York, Boston or Miami. There are plenty of places to get lost and stay lost in any of those cities. Besides, one of my sources checked in and there's an easy collar in LA waiting for us. It's not the big score, but it'll get the bills paid."

You finally let your breath out after the pair leave and try to figure out how to unclench your sphincter. Waiting an additional five minutes, you slip out of the men's room and make your way back to Kwan and Thundercloud. Instead of sitting with them, you grab the booth next to them and pick up a discarded paper.

"We sit over here, stupid."

"There were two bounty hunters in the bathroom - one in a vest and the other in a yellow shirt. They were looking for me among other things. One of them recognized you." You hiss back from behind a copy of yesterday's USA Today.

Kwan scans the terminal. "Maybe cook not so stupid after all. I see them. Put one in the hospital once."

"They said they were heading to LA."

"Good. We let them go first. You keep reading paper and try not to look like you are hiding. Put paper on table and look down at it. Holding it up in the air says I am stupid and trying to hide."

The bounty hunters got into the line for their portkey about ten minutes later. You are very relieved to see them disappear. Soon it is your turn to take your portkey and head for the International Departures pad. International Portkeys have that same tug on the navel, but only after you feel like you have been scrunched into a small ball and kicked in the stomach once for good measure. You were pretty stoned the last time so you couldn't quite get the full experience. Too bad Thundercloud got rid of the rest of the potion supply.

The stay over in Honduras is less than fifteen minutes. You are the only ones in the transfer area and they only ask a few cursory questions, since you are just passing through. It is only in Sao Paulo, that your bags are inspected and your entry papers stamped. One last portkey puts you back in Rio. It's already four in the afternoon.

"Damn, I was starting to get worried about you three. Two more hours and I was probably going to come after you. So how did you do mate?" Bill says clapping you on the shoulder.

"It worked. I am an animagus. How are things back here?" You say nonchalantly while giving him a smirk. Let him suffer for a minute. Merlin knows he does it to you enough. Your group slowly begins walking away from the arrival platform and towards the nearby apparition point.

"What kind of animagus are you? Come on show me!"

"What are you some schoolgirl or something? I'm not doing it in public. I'm just a cat, Bill." Okay, maybe that isn't quite true. Jaguars are the third largest cats in the world, but there are bigger ones.

Bill puts on a sympathetic face. "Well, McGonagall is one. There are probably plenty of uses to being a cat. They go around mostly unnoticed. It can work to your advantage and you are right. No sense in doing it here. You can show me at the hotel. We ran into a bit of a snag here. I guess that Colastos bint sent one of her bodyguards over to Karina's for a bit of harassment. Your wards caught him off guard and Karina stunned him while he was confused. The PdM came and was promptly bought off, but then they filed charges against you and me for illegal warding, so I had to pay a fine and a registration fee to the local wardcrafters guild. So congratulations on your wards stopping someone, but it cost you a hundred and fifty galleons for a fine and another seventy-five for a master/apprentice license. The good news is that I and by extension you can now ward to our little hearts content. Which is good, because the PdM brought over a cursebreaker and he or she tore your wards down in about ten minutes. Karina was a bit shook up, but she wanted me to tell you thanks."

You worked pretty damn hard on those wards and now they're gone. "How fast could you have taken them down, Bill?"

"Honestly, in about five minutes. Hey, no long face there 'cat man do'. Your wards did exactly what they were supposed to do, stop someone bent on harming the people you built the wards for. You should be proud. Of course, now I am a bit angry, what with my Weasley temper and all, so Fleur and I spent the better part of yesterday at the Machado's and I cooked up my own little scheme. You just missed Fleur. She sends her love. Anyway, I even diagramed it out so you can study it. I did borrow from your idea of a number of single use wards, but I didn't use any wards you'll find in an off the shelf book. Let's just say the next person Karina turns those wards on will wish they were confused and then stunned. They'll be trying to figure out how to put their body parts back in the right place. The Egyptians and Babylonians had some rather interesting schemes. It will take a professional a bit longer than ten minutes next time." Bill had been picking up speed as he was talking. He's a bit on the excitable side when it comes to his craft, isn't he?

"Slow down and take a few breaths there, Bill. Thanks for taking care of Karina's house. I look forward to seeing your diagrams and hope I can learn something from it." You still feel like someone kneed you in the family jewels; at least Karina and Chico are more protected now. "Sorry I missed Fleur. You guys do anything else?"

Bill looked at you for a moment, a strained look on his face. "I took Fleur for a spin on that broom you picked up."

"Really, how did you like it?"

"It was interesting. About this broom you picked up for me?"

"What about it?"

"Did you fly it before you bought it?"

"No didn't have a chance. The guy said it was fast and very reasonably priced. Same guy I brought the Dragonfly from. I don't think he would try and pull a fast one on me."

"Here try it and tell me what you think." Bill brought the broom out of his pocket and enlarged it.

Wondering what you are about to get yourself into, you grab the broom and hop on. A loud voice booms, "Congratulations! You have a Zambrano Markowitz Hammer between you legs - the broom of champions. Nail your opposition everytime with the Zambrano Markowitz Hammer. The ladies will all look at you, when you have a Hammer between your legs!" It repeats the slogan first in Spanish then Portuguese.

"Err, it seems to have an advertising charm on it." You really are the master of the obvious aren't you? It's kind of funny though. Even Kwan is cracking a smile.

"I kind of figured that out and you can't undo the charm without damaging the broom."

"So Fleur knows all about the Hammer between your legs?" You can't resist starting to laugh. "Oh come on Bill, that's funny. Is it at least fast?"

"It's decent. It's damn annoying though."

"Well, if you ever get to the point where you are using it. I don't think you are going to care about what what's his face is saying. Besides, if you don't want to keep it, give it to either of your youngest siblings. The boy especially could use whatever help between his legs he can get." You take a quick flight and test the broom speed. It sure isn't the Firebolt, but it isn't bad. You could have used it against the dragon. It's less agile than the Dragonfly though. You land and the voice once again congratulates you for a successful flight with the Zambrano Markowitz Hammer. "A good silencing charm will take care of that."

"Nope. The broom won't work inside a silencing charm. Already tried it."

"Sneaky. I can see why they weren't that popular. Sorry, about that."

"What's worse is that people learned that it wouldn't work in a silencing charm. Allow me to demonstrate. Silencio!" Still sitting on the hovering broom with your feet brushing the ground, the broom suddenly gives out and you end up flat on your behind looking up at a grinning Bill and the rest.

"I thought cats always land on their feet. Imagine being twenty meters off the ground when someone hits you with a silencing spell?" Bill fills in the blanks.

"Yeah, that could be a problem. Have you been practicing Arresto Momemntum?"

"Funny, little kitty cat." Oh this keeps getting better. You can't wait to show him your little kitty cat.

"Did Karina say if she wanted me to stop by?"

"Not in so many words, but you might want to."

"Oh, okay."

"I sense some reluctance there. What gives?"

That is a really good question, isn't it? Your brief time amongst the Lakota Sioux and all those ridiculous propositions has left you a bit on the wary side. What are you doing with Karina? Even better, what is she doing with you? Your flimsy argument to Fleur last week that it is a purely physical relationship seems pretty foolish. That's what it is to you, but what is it to her? Becoming quite the little Moody clone now aren't we? You idly wonder what finally made him snap and cross over into borderline insane? Another interesting question, does someone going insane know that they are going insane?

"I see you've been doing some hard thinking about what I said. Sometimes, it is hard to remember that you are only fifteen."

"I resent that. I'll be sixteen in three days." You quip as the group reaches the apparition point.

"That's right! I'll make sure to have the cook whip you up a cake and he can decorate the tent for a party." Bill says grinning at you and apparating away as you flip him off. You follow suit, wondering all the while how much Charlie and Bill fought as kids. Bill needs a good ass whupping every now and then. Fleur is probably up to the challenge, but not in any way that you need to imagine right now.

Bill seems curious why Thundercloud and Kwan follow you into the room. You explain that you haven't achieved clarity yet and your animal takes over after a minute or two. Bill laughs and says he'll try to remember if there is a spell to conjure a rubber mouse or a squeaky toy.

Thundercloud asks, "Are you ready and focused, Harry?" You nod in acknowledgement.

"Let's cut out the lights and close the curtains so I can see how quickly my sight adjusts when the lights come back on. I think I need to work on that."

Thundercloud smiles obviously appreciating your sense of humor and closes the curtains and casts a spell blocking the light on the other side of the window. Kwan with his wand in hand cuts the light off. Only a tiny bit of light is coming in through the crack at the bottom of the door.

"We will wait five seconds and then cut on the lights. Perform your transformation now."

You follow Thundercloud's instruction and make your transformation.

"Here kitty, kitty." You hear Bill's mocking comment right before the light comes back on. "Holy Shit! Cat my ass! Damn near crapped my britches! Forget what I said about slipping around unnoticed. Good show Harry!"

You make some kind of throaty coughing noise that must be what a feline laugh is like while lifting your claw and trying to extend one single claw on what would have been your middle finger. You continue to try and focus, but it is getting harder. The smells of the hotel room are overwhelming you. You can still smell the female and her heat. Her scent is everywhere. You smell the fake meat and answer a few questions, but it is getting so hard to think. Head hurts. Meat is fake. Meat is fake. Meat is ... Meat is.... Meat is good! Meat is tasty! First meat, then find female in heat.

After thirty minutes, you are yourself again. Meat is conjured and fake. Fleur, while decidedly hot, is not your missing mate and her scent isn't clouding your mind anymore. You worry that you might not have the same level of resistance to her charms the next time you are around her. Bill is suitably impressed and is actually a bit surprised that Thundercloud's people teach the transformation first before control. Thundercloud immediately launches into the whole 'clarity' rant, which you have decided to title "How Europeans Will Never Be True Animagi/Animagusus/Animage-Something-or-Others and are Ruining it for everyone who is." Bill is open minded enough to understand. He gets it. You just picture yourself explaining to McGonagall which of you is the 'true' animagus. That would be fun. It's on your list of things to do. She really doesn't deserve a place on your must-kick-ass list. You're not exactly best mates either.

One more demonstration later, where you still have clarity at the one minute mark - your new personal best and you and Bill leave. You convince him to go with you to Karina's house. Basically you want to say hello, get a tour of the wards and beg off without the whole getting naked thing. The same argument you gave Lauren about clarity applies here. Bill sends a simple announcing charm. It is the Wizarding equivalent of ringing the doorbell at a warded house. Karina comes out with her wand in her hand, but immediately relaxes upon seeing the two of you.

"James! Bill! I wasn't expecting to see the two of you until next weekend. Let me key you to the wards."

"James wanted to make sure you and Chico were okay and I am here to show off my work and make ickle Jim-Jim green with envy." You give Karina a hug and a chaste kiss in greetings. She smells good. No bad thoughts there, Mr. Black!

"Are you and Chico okay?"

"Yes. Thank you for the wards. It happened last Wednesday. Our little encounter with her last week caused it to happen now, but I knew it was going to happen eventually. I am sorry about all your hard work."

"It doesn't matter. It did what it needed to and from what Bill is telling me, he gave you a top of the line special that should give the next person stopping by a reason to go away."

"Yes. He is very inventive. I would not like to have him for my enemy. Paulo stopped by every day after they tore down your wards. It is nice of him to make sure we were okay. He said he would try to learn what the Colastos's reaction to all this was."

You squelch that feeling of jealousy before it even starts. You need to remember to ask Bill if he thinks she is baiting you to get a reaction. "I got the impression that Paulo doesn't really care for me other than as a dodgespell player."

"Paulo and I have known each other for many years. He is a sweet man, but he can be a bit rash and easy to anger. He seems to be a bit jealous of your skills at such a young age. You must get that quite a bit."

A certain former best mate's face flashes across your mind. "Yeah. Every now and then it happens."

Chico seems happy to see you and teases you about buying a Hammer for Bill. "Mr. Black, everyone knows not to buy a Hammer. They're crap! Oops sorry mom, they're poop!" He definitely says what is on his mind doesn't he? Well, at least he isn't inquiring about you becoming his daddy. Karina offers dinner, but both of you decline. You say that you can't stay long and Bill and you need to discuss the expedition later. She smiles and says she understands, but you get the feeling that the two of you are now playing a game of 'I do not need you as much as you think I need you.' It would be nice if someone gave you the rules to this game.

As the sun begins to set, Bill gives you a tour of the wards and you are convinced that just like dueling Kwan, you wouldn't want to try and get through a Bill Weasley custom warding job. It's almost like he is a prankster with a decidedly violent streak. You wonder how much the twits - oops the twins learned from him? He wasn't kidding about a ward, which he calls a 'forced splinching'. He used seven different one time only runes to make it, but someone trying to force entry after Karina activates them is in for one serious rude awakening! Another set of wards sprays water and then triggers a timed delayed lightning strike! He reapplied a variant to your door shielding scheme that looks similar but also incorporates a set of reflector runes. The first spell that hits it is going right back at the caster. You have much to learn from this man!

"James, I wanted to show you something out back. Bill, would you mind watching Chico for a moment?"

"No problem, Karina. Chico, why don't you show me that one action figure you had yesterday?"

"Oh, you mean my Dumbledore. I've got him and Grindelwald." You shake your head and walk outside.

"I am sorry you and I didn't get to spend any time together. I missed you." Karina says pulling you into an embrace. Her kiss is anything but chaste. You respond, but all the while your mind is thinking that she is trying to play a game with you. You pull away after about ten seconds.

"I'm just glad the two of you are okay."

"Thank you for the wards. I do not think he would have become violent, but they have threatened me before. I do not believe that this is over." She's kissing your neck and whispering in your ear. Damn traitorous body! A hand is drifting southward. She is making her case directly to the little jaguar in your pants. Little Harry seems to be considering her story or perhaps asking her to repeat it for the sake of clarification.

"Gah! Don't tease me like that! Maybe you and Chico should leave?" The hand stops, which is probably a good thing - you think.

"I have no real options at the moment, but it may be a long term option. Paulo said the same thing. He even hinted that he might be able to help and will stop by if he hears something."

Okay. Maybe you are the second coming of Alastor Moody, but so far she has mentioned Paulo a couple of times and now the words 'long term option'. She might just be on a fishing expedition. Care to guess who she is trying to reel in? She is old enough to know that no guy likes a girl to be kissing him and talking about another bloke at the same time. You're pretty sure it is a rule or something. You cup her cheek pulling her lips to yours for a series of short kisses.

"I really have to get going."

"When I see you next weekend, I will have to give you a special treat." You nod like an idiot while she gives a mock pout before releasing you. It looks like you are again about to be saddled with a case of blue balls, but for all the right reasons. You smile and slip back inside. Bill and Chico are having it out with the action figures. You are rooting for Grindelwald for obvious reasons. After a few more minutes the two of you leave.

"So?" Bill asks after apparating back to the hotel alley.

"She seemed to be coming on strong. Snogging the magic out of me one second and telling me how much Paulo is going to help her the next. I probably could have done it in the backyard. Is she playing me?"

"Yeah. I think so. She might have just gone from grateful to needy. The attack probably rattled her more than she'll ever say. I don't think the sex is going to be just casual anymore. Better sort out those feelings pretty quick. Might be easiest if the next time she says Paulo, you throw a fit and tell her to go shag him."

"Do you think she would use a fertility potion? It overrides contraceptive charms."

"Do I want to know what have you been up to this weekend?"

Two hours later, you are both kicked back in the hotel room watching the telly. It isn't as embarrassing telling Bill about all the propositions as it would be say Luna, but it is still humiliating enough. Still, your cursebreaking mentor has instructed you in the male contraceptive charm. It takes away some of the fun, but the swimmers might as well be swimming in the ocean for all the good they'll do. You're getting bored with the movie. Though both Bill and you agree that the actor playing the Sheriff of Nottingham looks a bit like Snape, but the guy playing Robin Hood isn't even English for crying out loud! So you pull out the journal and you decide to catch up with Luna.

Dear Harry, (or is it Deer Harry - if that ends up being your form!)

I guess you were right about those potions you were taking. Well, I will answer your questions to the best of my abilities.

I am not nor have ever been made of green cheese. If I ever find myself in that condition, I will try and note what it feels like, so that I can give you a full report.

Thank you for telling me that I am 'a scorching blonde hottie'. I'll pause for a moment so that you can flip back and read your last letter to me. I am guessing you weren't quite in your right frame of mind, which is ironic coming from me isn't it? Who is this Karina you compared me to? Should I be jealous?

On the topic of Millicent Bulstrode, I don't really think that she and Ron would make a 'dream couple', though you make several valid points that girls with back hair need loving too. I will however find a way to mention that to him at some point during the upcoming year, if for no other reason than to see the look on Hermione's face.

I am willing to concede that the invention of Smores was a more important invention than the wheel, but fire must be more important, for without fire there would be no melted chocolate for the Smores to exist. However, your argument could be plausible if fire was invented for no other reason than to create the first Smores.

I'll stop now, because you are now most likely thoroughly embarrassed. I could not stop laughing when I read your last letter and I know you were a bit wonky in the head. Don't be upset. However, don't be surprised if that letter turns up later in your life when you are running for political office. Please continue writing, I require more blackmail material.

For my part, I spent my final two days in Sweden in a fairly large city. Daddy allowed me to venture out with some of the local muggles (most likely so he could indulge in Peppermint Schnapps) and I discovered the magic that is Karaoke. There is apparently a law in Sweden that young blonde girls, especially us hotties must be able to sing the lyrics to songs by the band Abba. I was found in gross violation of this law by my companions and was reeducated onstage. If interested, you may apply to be the president of my fan club. I was thinking FALL - Fans Appreciating Luna Lovegood, but you are welcome to come up with your own name so long as it doesn't resemble SPEW.

Your Scorching Blonde Hottie,


You flip back and reread the letter. Bill clearly gave you back the journal too early. You don't even remember writing it, but it's all there - right down to calling her a 'scorching blonde hottie every bit as smoking as Karina.' She has a second entry from last night.

Dear Harry,

I am back in England now. I hope this is just a case of you forgetting the journal and not my last letter. I was having fun and don't want you to stop writing because of something you wrote while you were suffering from the effects of a hallucinogenic potion. If you were offended, please forgive me? I'm catching up on the news. I don't know how well you knew Susan Bones, but her aunt was killed. She was the head of DMLE! The Ministry is publishing mostly useless things in an effort to make people believe they are safe. Most of the stuff is just crap and a few of their articles even contradict themselves. I was hoping they would lower the age to use magic, but that isn't going to happen. They voted Fudge out. The new guy is Rufus Scrimgeour. Daddy says it's not a good sign. He said that the new guy reminds him too much of Barty Crouch. They have made a couple of arrests. One of them was the bloke from the Knight Bus! Hard to believe isn't it?

I talked to Ginny on the floo. She was rather subdued. I asked if you were there, but no you are staying where it is safe with your relatives. I am happy you are safe. No dragons chasing you around. She said that they are going someplace soon and she won't be able to talk with me until school starts. Diagon Alley looks pretty deserted. The old creepy wand guy just up and disappeared and four other shops just boarded up and closed. One of the few bright spots is Fred and George's store. I asked about some of the damage and they claimed it was an accident caused by faulty fireworks.

So that's what is going on. Now pickup your writing implement and tell me whether or not you are an animagus yet!

Your friend,


Dear Luna,

You were right. I forgot the journal. I am also quite ashamed of my last letter. I am an animagus. It is really interesting. Dare I say, it borders on being 'cool'? The transformation was memorable, I can definitely tell you that much.

I hope you were not offended by the phrase 'scorching blonde hottie'. I don't even know where I came up with it to be honest. Whatever it was, it was meant to be a compliment - so please take it that way. Of course the last time you saw me I had the hair coloring charm on, was I not also a scorching blond hottie?

I apparently also had the munchies for Smores that night. Did the chocolate smudges transfer to your journal as well?

Glad to hear you had a lot of fun singing. I've heard a couple of Abba songs before. I must now start my own little stockpile of blackmail material.

Karina is a person I played Dodgespell with. She is pretty and in her mid twenties with a five year old boy named Chico. She has been helping me with getting all my supplies for cooking and what not.

The animagus ritual was pretty bizarre. The Native Americans do it much differently than the Europeans. It is more about learning how to work with your animal spirit and instincts then trying to learn how to control your animal form. I spend a lot of time meditating now. After a minute or two I lose 'clarity' and sink further into my animal. Hard to picture McGonagall ever doing it this way!

I had heard much of the news last time I was with that manipulating bastard who calls himself Headmaster. He had me go meet this one geezer who will probably be teaching there this year named Slughorn or Slughead. Keep an eye out for him. He seems like a slimier version of Lockhart.

Well that is about all for now. I have to go practice my super cool animagus form. Be on the lookout for a box from me. I just wanted you to know, so you don't think it is some Death Eater booby trap or something.



Closing the journal, you tell Bill goodnight and go into the tent where you will be sleeping this evening. You grab a neglected runes book and start reading until you tire. Fifteen minutes of mediation calms your mind before drifting off to sleep.

By noon the next day, you are back in the tent again - except that the tent is now back at the second expedition site. Once again in the Brazilian State known as Amazonas. You portkey to a standard point and from there it is apparition or broom travel to your final destination. Last week Thundercloud flew ahead in his animagus form and scouted the area. This week is much easier because you already have the location to apparate to and you are no longer stoned. It is a good thing, because the area is known for dense rainforests.

You've already had your morning animagus practice along with a quick workout with Kwan and are now serving lunch to the team.

"Bill, I have been wondering something?"

"What's that?"

"These ruins have been around for centuries. How come no one ever broke in?"

"It's a good question. The answers vary. Sometimes the jungle or in Egypt the desert swallows the ruins whole. Fleur has a squib uncle on her father's side who works for the muggles in the European Space Agency. He was able to get me some high-resolution images from their satellites orbiting the Earth and access to their computer system. Normally, they use these computers for detailed mappings of the moon and Mars I guess. I might sound like my dad for a minute, but muggles can do some pretty amazing things. I was able to spend two solid weeks going over this jungle looking for unexplored ruins with the help of their computers. Everything says that the hidden city is in this region somewhere. Unfortunately, their technology can't get around the fidelius charm. I checked by looking at a high resolution picture of a certain London neighborhood, if you know what I mean?"

For a change, you do know what he means. You nod. "I was just wondering how we're the only ones that ever found these places."

"Good thing the magical world hasn't caught up with the non magical world. I am guessing that there won't be any untouched ruins left in this area of the world. I intend to crack my share of those while they are still out there."

"So what do you need me to do?"

"This afternoon, I want you to help Maria with the Sapper. You ever heard of one before? Didn't think so. A Sapper is what you use when you can't exhaust the charging runes that power the wards. This area is too thick with magical energy and that overgrown Ziggurat is warded like a fortress. We spent all last week just finding the perimeter wards. The Sapper is just a big rock or series of rocks with charging runes and a whole bunch of meaningless and wasteful rune schemes on it just to drain power. The more power we divert from their wards, the less there is to try and keep their field up. We need at least two here. There is a story about a witch four centuries ago trying to attack Hogwarts. She it took five Sappers before she started really causing problems for the wards at the castle. If I were to try attacking there, I'd use eight at a minimum."

"Sounds interesting. What are the downsides to using one?"

"Well it can only drain the ambient magic. If you have some other way of powering your wards like all those little siphon runes or blood wards, it won't entirely work. You still have to rely on the old counter ward chants and things like our brute force attack to bring them down. The next part is they are a big bundle of exposed magical energy. If they are damaged during a battle they could go boom. The recommended method is to keep them disillusioned or bury them in the ground beforehand and then activate them when you are ready to attack."

You've been reading on basic counter ward chants and already know a few of them. Cursebreaking is more and more interesting every day isn't it? Ward chants are used against perimeter wards and other wards that don't 'fight back'. The witch, wizard or group of wizards basically throws their magical energy against the wards in an effort to bring them down either by negation or by overwhelming them with energy.

Wonderful household magic helps clear away everyone's lunch. You already have the steaks Collins requested for tonight marinating and have the portable grill set up outside. Bill said he would walk you through some basic critter wards to repel the vermin while running the grill. So you sit down with the ugliest cursebreaker in the land and she starts showing you the schemes she laid out on the first sapper in permanent ink. One guess who gets to do all the carving? Good thing you have your trusty tiny hammer and chisel isn't it?

"The more wasteful and inefficient the rune schemes are the better. I will inspect your work and tell you where your runes are wrong, but this is the one case in cursebreaking where it is okay and even expected to be sloppy with your carving. The runes still need to work, so you shouldn't go overboard, but you understand, right?"

You nod as the hag leaves you to your rune carving. You really shouldn't keep calling her names - she is almost tolerable these days. Bill is with Collins checking the extent of the ruins perimeter on the north and West. Sanchez is going with Kwan to check the South and East. You start working on the charging runes she had outlined. You've improved your time on carving charging runes. You're down to fifteen minutes per rune. After completing five runes, Thundercloud sits across from you and begins carving on the other side. You arch an eyebrow in surprise. He merely mentions that it has been awhile since he has done this sort of thing. He has a constant repetitive motion to his carving. Yours is less fluid as you worry about if you are carving too deeply or if you are dovetailing by carving too wide or narrow channeling by carving too narrow.

"Any signs of activity in the valley?"

"I saw some tracks towards the north. They were either giant or troll. They are fairly recent. I let the others know. I saw the little Saci again and he said there are goblins in this area."

"Goblins? Out here? Why?"

"Probably renegades. There was a minor rebellion in South America about eight years ago. Some of the rebels probably headed out in this direction and to escape both the wrath of their clan and the South American ministries. They shouldn't be a problem."

If there is one thing you have learned in your short life, it is never to say things like, 'They shouldn't be a problem.' Karma is a vindictive fickle bitch and for some reason she has an unhealthy interest in disrupting your life. Statements like that always seem to come back to haunt you, don't they? 'Why no Ron, I am not at all interested in the Triwizard tournament?' 'Welcome to another year at Hogwarts - for your protection the Ministry has stationed Dementors on the school grounds.' 'Joining our staff this year is Professor Gilderoy Lockhart.' 'Joining our staff this year by decree of the Minister is Undersecretary Delores Umbridge.'

Paranoia at such an early age is both a blessing and a curse isn't it? You return to your carving and are halfway finished with your next rune, when the campsites perimeter wards trigger. Bill set them at one hundred meters to alarm on the movement of anything heavier than ten kilos. Grabbing your wand, you head out the tent flap with Thundercloud right behind you. The alarm for the second set of wards set at fifty meters triggers. It is a series of stinging and confundus hexes designed to drive whatever it is away.

"There! By that cluster of trees! Trolls!" The Indian's eyesight is damn sharp. You see three large shapes struggling forward against the wards. Their thick hides absorbing the power of the wards slapping against them with sounds that remind you of a bug zapper. The last layer of wards at ten meters is based on incapacitation with ropes and chains. It will slow them down, but it definitely won't stop them. You've got about a minute before they get here.

"What's the plan, Thundercloud?"

"Drive them off and don't let them kill us. If we can stop them from entering the camp, we will. Keep your broom handy in case we need to run for it. We can always replace the equipment." It is a brilliant and simple plan. You wonder if the others are close enough to realize what is going on.

The eagle animagus turns to a large rock and begins a complex transfiguration. It grows legs and a tail becoming a wolf, a follow on compulsion charm sends it charging towards the group of trolls. You are busy summoning two snakes. Thundercloud adds two of his own snakes. You order all four of the serpents to attack the trolls.

"They don't look like they are going to leave!" You watch as the howling wolf is swatted away like an irritating puppy and fails to rise. The trolls clubs crush the conjured snakes. A crackle of magic signifies that the charging runes powering the second layer fall. Definitely not good things! Thundercloud begins throwing direct damage spells. You do the same. At this range and with the jungle for cover, most cutters and blasters are mostly worthless against something that resistant to magic. You fire wand arrows and piercing curses. Concentrated and damaging magic retains it's effectiveness but requires excellent targeting - or at least good luck. You hear a few howls of pain as they begin to close. All the trees in the way make it difficult to really score too many hits. The clearing is right at the last set of wards. You blast a few of the trees in their path to try and slow them down and separate them a little.

"Harry when they get close, use a banisher. It should drive your arrows further into their flesh! Tell these snakes to wait to attack until they get through the trees!" Thundercloud instructs you as he conjures two more serpents. You conjure one more of your own and hiss the instructions.

The first troll bursts into the clearing with three of your magic arrows sticking in it like darts. Chains and ropes spring from the ground tripping it as your second wave of conjured snakes attack.

"Tonare! Impactus! Tonare!"
You fire two blasting curses and a bludgeoner at the fallen troll, trying both to injure it and keep it close to the ground for the snakes. A misty spray of troll blood, rises from the creature's back as it lashed in retaliation at the three snakes surrounding it. The other two trolls stop short of the clearing as Thunderclouds fireball smashes into a tree spraying them with flames. They grab the injured troll and pull it back into the jungle apparently withdrawing. Thundercloud switches to stinging hexes to 'chase them away'. You call off the one still living snake.

"I will follow them to locate their lair. Alert the others, when they return. The trolls will regroup and probably come back under the cover of darkness." Thundercloud says shifting to his eagle form.

"I'll reset the second layer of wards and power them up." You have to admit life is much better with wards. Otherwise the three trolls would not have been so easily driven off. Looking around you spot the first two charging runes. You stick your wand on the first one and begin a simple siphoning chant allowing power to flow from you to the charging rune giving it some energy and reducing the time required for a full recharge. Feeling a slight drain, you move on to the second charging rune. Only six more to go! Of course you shouldn't whine like that. These eight charging runes just did more to prolong your life then the majority of the Hogwart's staff has ever done. True the old geezer charmed a goblin statue to keep Tommy from offing your stupid ass in the atrium and there was that whole Arresto Momementum thing after the Ministry provided security attacked you, but other than Dumbledore wanting to keep his weapon intact has anyone else ever done anything for you? Hell, Crouch Junior did more than most of them! Snape kept you on a broom once, no doubt against his better wishes. You wonder if Kwan or Collins know that jinx. It would be worth learning especially if it is wandless. Hell, maybe they had their wands up their sleeves. It could come in handy, especially if you see Malfoy flying again someday. Maybe you can get up with the Hammer Manufacturers and get them to make a Malfoy Flying Ferret complete with the same silencing charm problems.

Keeping that rather amusing thought in your head, you move around to recharge expended runes. You injured a troll pretty badly today. Tonight in the darkness, it's going to come back with friends. That's okay. You'll be waiting for them. Unlike other cats, a jaguar doesn't play with their prey. The origin of the word is from an old Tupi Indian phrase - Beast that Kills in a Single Bound. That beast is part of you now and it is eager for a fight.

Authors Notes - Hope you enjoyed it. It's high time this story got back in the jungle where it belongs. Next chapter your group gets to 'rumble in the jungle' with some uninvited guests.
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