Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > The Bass Files
Haven´t you ever heard of locking a goddamn door? NO?!
5 reviewsThis chapter proves that there´s a good reason bathroom doors are equipped with a lock, Sheena, you just haven´t thought of it yet.
2Original
18. Haven´t you ever heard of locking a goddamn door? NO?!
I was woken up by somebody kissing my face, first my cheeks then my lips. I moaned softly. This would probably ruin the band´s vibe but what the heck, I wasn´t really thinking with my brain right now.
I opened my eyes.
The neighbor´s cat was pressing its moist nose against my lips. "Hi, Mr. Meatball. If you don´t mind, I´m not desperate enough to make out with a whole different species yet. But you´ll be the first one on my list once I change my mind." With that I gently shoved the tom cat off my upper body and tried to get up.
That´s when I noticed somebody´s hand on my chest.
For a few seconds I watched Patrick, still sleeping like a baby next to me, and then got up, his hand slowly sliding off my body.
I grabbed the cat and sat it out in front of my apartment. Before I closed the door it looked up at me as if to say "See you next time you forget to close your window, you fool." I went to my room to get a new set of clothes and finally into the bathroom. Checking the clock which told me it was half past 9, I decided to wake Patrick once I was showered so we could go out for breakfast.
Just as I had taken off my sweater and had unzipped my jeans the door opened with a yank and revealed a drowsy Patrick.
"Jesus Christ!" I screamed and grabbed a towel to cover my upper body. (Good thing I had fallen asleep in my clothes and hadn´t changed to my jammies or else I wouldn´t have been wearing a bra.)
"Haven´t you ever heard of locking the goddamn door?!" he screamed back. He was still staring at me.
"Get the fuck out!" I was close to panicking.
"Right... sorry," his voice had returned to normal volume.
After he had closed the door again I locked it, got undressed and showered. Then I spent a good 10 minutes debating with myself whether or not to come out of the bathroom.
I heard footsteps.
"Ah, Sheena?" Patrick softly knocked at the door. "Are you done soon? I really need to pee."
"Yes, hold on," I opened the door and left the bathroom.
"That´s why I came in here earlier. I´m sorry I didn´t know you were in here."
"Yeah, yeah. Just get down to your business."
The bathroom door closed and was locked.
I walked into the kitchen and helped myself to a glass of orange juice. I can tell you why I hadn´t locked the door. Usually I´m by myself so there´s no need to. Why hadn´t he check if I was in there before walking in on me? HUH?
"Hey...," Patrick entered the kitchen.
"Want some juice?"
"Sure." I handed him a glass. "I´m sorry. It really was an accident. I should´ve checked if you were in there first."
"Let´s just forget it ever happened, ok?"
He smirked, "I don´t know if I can easily forget that image..."
"Ever wonder what it feels like to have bottle of orange juice forced down your throat, Patrick?" I glared at him.
"Funny... I think I just experienced a form of amnesia that made me forget what happened within the last 30 minutes." he looked at me as if to check if I would fall for his stupid go at being original and cute and forgive him.
I did. In fact, I even had to smile at his last words. He smiled back.
We decided to go the little restaurant down the street to get breakfast.
As we left my apartment I said, "You know I´m kinda doubting it happened by accident ´cause when I woke up you were totally feeling up my left boob."
"WHAT?" I got a shocked look. Amusing.
"Yeah, you can ask Mr. Meatball if you don´t believe me. He witnessed the grotesque scene."
"Who´s Mr. Meatball?"
"The neighbor´s cat."
"Oh, cut the crap, Sheena."
"Well, it´s true..." I watched him blush.
"It´s not."
I nudged him, "You just keep telling yourself that, Patrick."
"Oh, shut up."
_ _ _ _ _
After breakfast I drove us to Patrick´s place so he could get a shower. He also wanted to lend me a few CDs from his collection, obviously a desperate attempt to turn me into a David Bowie fan. Barf.
"Dude, where have you been?" Joe greeted Patrick and then raised his eyebrows as he spotted me behind him. "Man, did you guys spend the night together?"
"Yeah, I slept at Sheena´s place. No, Joe, we didn´t have sex," Patrick shoved Joe out of his way and headed for his room.
I accompanied Joe into the living room where my eyes fell on Jordan.
"Hi!" she smiled at me.
"Hi," I said in return. I sat down in a comfortable armchair. Joe seated himself next to his girlfriend on the couch.
He nodded at me, "Guess who Patrick spent last night with."
Jordan giggled. "It´s about time he got over Joyce. There´s like no way in hell she´s gonna start dating him."
I don´t know why I even bothered but I wanted to point out to them that nothing had happened. "We just watched movies all night and then fell asleep."
"Yeah, right," Jordan smirked. Joe just grinned like an idiot.
"Whatever, guys" I slumped back in the chair. I could hear the shower running and hoped that Patrick would come to my rescue soon. When he finally did enter the living room Joe and Jordan were having their private war of the tongues. I looked up from the music magazine I had found lying under the chair.
Patrick glanced at the lovers, "Come on, Sheena. Let´s go to my room before the porn groove sets in and you find yourself hired as a camera woman." I followed him.
He started going through his CD collection and picked one out from time to time, piling them beside him. I let my eyes wander around in his room. The walls were plaster with posters and pages from magazines showing guitars, David Bowie, Elvis Costello and musicians that I´ve never even heard of. "You really do live for music, huh?"
He looked up from his CDs for a moment, "What else is there to live for?"
I smirked, "You´ve got a point."
Then he walked over to me and handed me the pile of CDs, "That should keep you busy for a while."
"Thanks."
"So what are your plans for today?" he wanted to know.
"Ah, I´ve got like a ton of assignments to read and grade. So I´ll probably spend the better part of the day on that," I sighed. "I love teaching but if there´s one thing that really sucks about this job it´s correcting homework and tests. I find the whole grading thing just stupid because what does a grade really stand for? Nothing, it´s just a way to make children´s texts more comparable and erase individuality. It´s silly, really."
He nodded vigorously, "I always thought along those lines when I was still in school. Luckily I´m not anymore so I´m done with that crap."
When Patrick and I passed through the living room to get to the door Joe teased us. "Wow, you guys are fast. You were only in there for about ten mintues."
Patrick rolled his eyes and held the door open for me, "You know me, Joe. I was done after 30 seconds and then we discussed the pros and cons of the metric system."
I couldn´t wait for the shit Joe was gonna give us at the next band practice. Geez.
I was woken up by somebody kissing my face, first my cheeks then my lips. I moaned softly. This would probably ruin the band´s vibe but what the heck, I wasn´t really thinking with my brain right now.
I opened my eyes.
The neighbor´s cat was pressing its moist nose against my lips. "Hi, Mr. Meatball. If you don´t mind, I´m not desperate enough to make out with a whole different species yet. But you´ll be the first one on my list once I change my mind." With that I gently shoved the tom cat off my upper body and tried to get up.
That´s when I noticed somebody´s hand on my chest.
For a few seconds I watched Patrick, still sleeping like a baby next to me, and then got up, his hand slowly sliding off my body.
I grabbed the cat and sat it out in front of my apartment. Before I closed the door it looked up at me as if to say "See you next time you forget to close your window, you fool." I went to my room to get a new set of clothes and finally into the bathroom. Checking the clock which told me it was half past 9, I decided to wake Patrick once I was showered so we could go out for breakfast.
Just as I had taken off my sweater and had unzipped my jeans the door opened with a yank and revealed a drowsy Patrick.
"Jesus Christ!" I screamed and grabbed a towel to cover my upper body. (Good thing I had fallen asleep in my clothes and hadn´t changed to my jammies or else I wouldn´t have been wearing a bra.)
"Haven´t you ever heard of locking the goddamn door?!" he screamed back. He was still staring at me.
"Get the fuck out!" I was close to panicking.
"Right... sorry," his voice had returned to normal volume.
After he had closed the door again I locked it, got undressed and showered. Then I spent a good 10 minutes debating with myself whether or not to come out of the bathroom.
I heard footsteps.
"Ah, Sheena?" Patrick softly knocked at the door. "Are you done soon? I really need to pee."
"Yes, hold on," I opened the door and left the bathroom.
"That´s why I came in here earlier. I´m sorry I didn´t know you were in here."
"Yeah, yeah. Just get down to your business."
The bathroom door closed and was locked.
I walked into the kitchen and helped myself to a glass of orange juice. I can tell you why I hadn´t locked the door. Usually I´m by myself so there´s no need to. Why hadn´t he check if I was in there before walking in on me? HUH?
"Hey...," Patrick entered the kitchen.
"Want some juice?"
"Sure." I handed him a glass. "I´m sorry. It really was an accident. I should´ve checked if you were in there first."
"Let´s just forget it ever happened, ok?"
He smirked, "I don´t know if I can easily forget that image..."
"Ever wonder what it feels like to have bottle of orange juice forced down your throat, Patrick?" I glared at him.
"Funny... I think I just experienced a form of amnesia that made me forget what happened within the last 30 minutes." he looked at me as if to check if I would fall for his stupid go at being original and cute and forgive him.
I did. In fact, I even had to smile at his last words. He smiled back.
We decided to go the little restaurant down the street to get breakfast.
As we left my apartment I said, "You know I´m kinda doubting it happened by accident ´cause when I woke up you were totally feeling up my left boob."
"WHAT?" I got a shocked look. Amusing.
"Yeah, you can ask Mr. Meatball if you don´t believe me. He witnessed the grotesque scene."
"Who´s Mr. Meatball?"
"The neighbor´s cat."
"Oh, cut the crap, Sheena."
"Well, it´s true..." I watched him blush.
"It´s not."
I nudged him, "You just keep telling yourself that, Patrick."
"Oh, shut up."
_ _ _ _ _
After breakfast I drove us to Patrick´s place so he could get a shower. He also wanted to lend me a few CDs from his collection, obviously a desperate attempt to turn me into a David Bowie fan. Barf.
"Dude, where have you been?" Joe greeted Patrick and then raised his eyebrows as he spotted me behind him. "Man, did you guys spend the night together?"
"Yeah, I slept at Sheena´s place. No, Joe, we didn´t have sex," Patrick shoved Joe out of his way and headed for his room.
I accompanied Joe into the living room where my eyes fell on Jordan.
"Hi!" she smiled at me.
"Hi," I said in return. I sat down in a comfortable armchair. Joe seated himself next to his girlfriend on the couch.
He nodded at me, "Guess who Patrick spent last night with."
Jordan giggled. "It´s about time he got over Joyce. There´s like no way in hell she´s gonna start dating him."
I don´t know why I even bothered but I wanted to point out to them that nothing had happened. "We just watched movies all night and then fell asleep."
"Yeah, right," Jordan smirked. Joe just grinned like an idiot.
"Whatever, guys" I slumped back in the chair. I could hear the shower running and hoped that Patrick would come to my rescue soon. When he finally did enter the living room Joe and Jordan were having their private war of the tongues. I looked up from the music magazine I had found lying under the chair.
Patrick glanced at the lovers, "Come on, Sheena. Let´s go to my room before the porn groove sets in and you find yourself hired as a camera woman." I followed him.
He started going through his CD collection and picked one out from time to time, piling them beside him. I let my eyes wander around in his room. The walls were plaster with posters and pages from magazines showing guitars, David Bowie, Elvis Costello and musicians that I´ve never even heard of. "You really do live for music, huh?"
He looked up from his CDs for a moment, "What else is there to live for?"
I smirked, "You´ve got a point."
Then he walked over to me and handed me the pile of CDs, "That should keep you busy for a while."
"Thanks."
"So what are your plans for today?" he wanted to know.
"Ah, I´ve got like a ton of assignments to read and grade. So I´ll probably spend the better part of the day on that," I sighed. "I love teaching but if there´s one thing that really sucks about this job it´s correcting homework and tests. I find the whole grading thing just stupid because what does a grade really stand for? Nothing, it´s just a way to make children´s texts more comparable and erase individuality. It´s silly, really."
He nodded vigorously, "I always thought along those lines when I was still in school. Luckily I´m not anymore so I´m done with that crap."
When Patrick and I passed through the living room to get to the door Joe teased us. "Wow, you guys are fast. You were only in there for about ten mintues."
Patrick rolled his eyes and held the door open for me, "You know me, Joe. I was done after 30 seconds and then we discussed the pros and cons of the metric system."
I couldn´t wait for the shit Joe was gonna give us at the next band practice. Geez.
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