FicWad

~Sophie's POV~
"Here," Joel opened the curtains to Benji's bunk. "Use his bunk."
"Where is he?" I asked in a small voice, climbing in with Joel's help.
"I don't know." He whispered. "Come on, lay down."
I nodded and lay on my side and let him pull the blankets over me. I inhaled the strong scent of my husband, and didn't bother to hold back the tears that spilled over his pillow. I felt like I was losing him more and more everyday, and it scared me to think about life without Benji. Should have thought of that before I started this shit, huh? I had been so stupid to start this whole thing between us. I should have just talked to him instead of once again, acting in impulse. Things were screwed up, so I took the first way out. And now here I was, unhappier then I've been in my life.
"I miss him." I mumbled.
"Shh... it'll be ok." Joel soothed touching my cheek.
"Will it?" I asked. "Do you really think that after we both messed up so bad, anything will ever be ok again?"
"We can only hope." He said. "But I have faith in the love you guys share for each other. This is just a curveball just sent to test you, you'll be just fine."
"Thanks Joel."
"No problem." He smiled. "Now you gotta rest. Call me if you need me."
He closed the curtains to the small space and left. I turned over and buried my face into Benji's pillow. Something made a crinkling noise from underneath it, like paper. I stuck my hand under it and pulled out what looked like a contract. I skimmed through it, my eyes getting wider and wider in disbelief with every word I read. I scanned the bottom of the last page of the stapled booklet, not believing my eyes. Yet sure enough, his signature was signed on the dotted line, signing away everything he lived for. I knew there was a reason I loved him.
"What are you doing?"
I jumped and looked up to see a frowning Benji watching me. "I uh..."
"Why are you going through my stuff?" he narrowed his eyes at me.
"I wasn't... I just found this under your pillow..."
"And that gives you a right to read it?" he raised an eyebrow
"Are you really doing this?" I asked, my voice shaking from the possibilities in the moment.
"It doesn't matter." He said quietly, taking the papers from my hands. "Just don't tell anyone you saw these." He reached over me, tacking his notebook from the mesh bag tacked to the wall.
"Where were you?" I asked.
"It doesn't either matter." He said distractedly, flipping through the notebook as he walked away.
"Benji!" I called helplessly, wanting to be anything but alone. He turned to look at me, the sad, depressed expression on his face still alien to me. I just needed him to hold me. "Benji..." I choked, unable to hold the tears back, letting them fall freely down my face. "Please Benji, I'm so alone right now and I'm so scared. These past two days especially, have shaken me up and I'm so scared. Please Benji."
"What do you want me to do?" He whispered. "This wasn't my choice Sophie. I just want to make things right, but you wont let me."
"But I do." I sobbed. "I do, and I want you too. I want to be happy again, I don't want to feel like it's not worth it anymore. But I can't, not as long as things are the way they are. I'm so sorry Benji, I'm so scared."
"Sophie..."
"Please Benji, I'm begging you." I whimpered.
"I ... Sophie..."
I sniffled and looked at him pleadingly. Without a word, he slowly placed his things down on the floor and tentivly took the steps towards me.

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