Categories > Games > Zelda > Le-Popo's Quest for the Creepy-Looking but Heart-Shaped Mask
An Extremely Long Quest for an Extremely Useless Mask - Section 1
0 reviewsLink complains about not having masks. Too much. So le-Popo decides that, instead of helping him to get back home as quickly as possible, she's going to take him on a loooong quest for a mask. Karm...
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Chapter 6: An Extremely Long Quest for an Extremely Useless Mask - Section 1
Link and le-Popo have successfully freed all four of the giants from their curses, and saved four different lands from ultimate destruction. Though since they played the Song of Time so many times, those lands are back on the road to ultimate destruction again anyway. Ah well. So, time to beat Skull Kid and win the game, right?
POPO: WRONG!
LINK: WHAT?? We already went to all four areas and saw all four of those weird guys that have no torsos! What else is there to do?!
POPO: Well, a certain somebody seems to have spent this whole time complaining that he didn't have enough masks. So generous bitch that I am, I've decided to take this certain somebody on a long, long, LONG quest to get a mask that can only get you one lousy piece of heart. Comprende?
LINK: Maybe I just need to stop talking all together...
AUDIENCE: She'll find some other way to torment you. She always does...
LINK: Fine! I'll go and beat Skull Kid on my own! I don't need you!
POPO: You realize you've never fought a single battle here without my advice...
LINK: Heh......
POPO: And you only have the three hearts you started with, while I'm at full health.
LINK: Gah!! You suck! joo r t3h sux0rz!!!1!!one!
AUDIENCE: You see?
POPO: Heheh...
LINK: Fine Fine. Where do we have to go?
POPO: To the Mayor's office, away!
Popo takes Link to the Mayor's office where they meet Mayor Dotour.
POPO: Hey, can you give us that weird mask?
MAYOR DOTOUR: Hrmm....
LINK: I thought you said this was a long quest. We just have to ask for it?
POPO: Well you need this mask to get the other mask.
MAYOR DOTOUR: Um, Well....
LINK: Well he isn't much help.
POPO: Oh yeah, I forgot. His wife has it.
MAYOR DOTOUR: Let's not bring my wife into this.
POPO: Ah, shut up.
They walk into Madam Aroma's sitting room.
MADAM AROMA: Oh, are you the expert person-finder I hired?
POPO: I sure am!
MADAM AROMA: No, no. I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to this boy here who seems much less qualified than you.
LINK: Um, sure.
MADAM AROMA: Well then, have a mask. Oh and just by the way, my fashion sense is /horrible/. Bye now
Madam Aroma gives Link Kafei's mask and they leave the Mayor's office.
LINK: Alright, so what do we do with this?
POPO: To the Stock Pot Inn, away!
Popo leads Link into the Stock Pot Inn, where Anju is waiting behind the reception desk.
ANJU: Welcome to the Stock Pot Inn. Do you, um, have a reservation?
POPO: We sure do!
LINK: No we don't!
Popo stomps on Link's foot.
LINK: Ow!
ANJU: Oh, we have a reservation under 'sexy bitch.' you'll be staying upstairs in out knife chamber.
POPO: Nice. Knife Chamber. Nice and emo.
LINK: How is it that we had a reservation?? And why is it under 'sexy bitch??'
POPO: Heh, you'll find out soon enough.
Just then a Goron walks in.
GORON: Hello, Goro. I have a reservation.
ANJU: Um, I'm sorry, but all of our rooms are full.
GORON: Are you sure, Goro? I had a reservation. It was under sexy bitch-Goro.
ANJU: I'm sorry, we didn't have any reservations for 'sexy bitch-Goro.' There was one like that though...
GORON: There's nothing you can do about it, Goro?
ANJU: No, I'm sorry.
GORON: This world is a cruel place to live in, Goro.
POPO: There there, no need to be emo. Have you considered Prozac?
LINK: You say, after you stole his reservation...
POPO: Heh...
The postman walks in.
LINK: This place has a lot of guests!
POPO: It's because they have the only toilet in town.
POSTMAN: Delivery!
POPO: Oh, this is about to get interesting.
The postman hands Anju a letter.
ANJU: Wh- Where did you get this?!
POSTMAN: Well, I could tell you, but shifty eyes then I'd have to kill you.
ANJU: This is serious! I need you to tell me where you found this!
POSTMAN: Well, I could tell you, but I'd rather show you with, INTERPRETIVE DANCE!
The postman interpretive dances himself out the door.
LINK: I stand corrected. You're actually not the craziest one here.
POPO: REVEEEEENGE AT LAST!!
LINK: So, why did we come here in the first place? It can't have just been to get a room...
Popo takes Kafei's Mask from Link and walks up to the reception desk.
POPO: Well, now that you received that mysterious letter, I'm just going to stand here and conspicuously put on this mask.
Popo puts on Kafei's Mask.
ANJU: Oh! You're looking for Kafei, too??
POPO: Heh, the stupid ones always fall for it... I mean, yes! As a matter of fact I am!
ANJU: I- I might know where you can find him. Please meet me in the kitchen at 11:30 tonight. We'll talk then.
POPO: Righty-o!
LINK: So what do we do until 11:30?
POPO: Well, we can look around the inn.
They walk into a back room, lit by a fireplace, with an old woman sitting in a wheelchair.
GRANNY: Oh, Tortus. Why don't you let Granny tell you a story?
LINK: Who's Tortus?
GRANNY: Why, what are you talking about, Tortus? You're Tortus! And that girl over there is Tortus, too!
LINK: Is this town full of loonies or something??
POPO: Well, we're not here for stories, we're here for something much, much more important.
Popo holds out a large pillowcase.
POPO: Trick or Treat!
LINK: Duhhhh.....
GRANNY: Oh, it's that time of year already? Well I guess I do have some candy here somewhere...
Granny pulls out several pieces of heart and stuffs them in le-Popo's pillowcase. Popo grabs it and runs out of the room.
POPO: HAHAHA!! MORE HEALTH FOR ME!!!
LINK: HEY! YOU COULD AT LEAST LET ME HAVE ONE!
They run across the hall and end up in a very small room.
LINK: What's this supposed to be?
POPO: The bathroom.
LINK: I don't remember seeing a door...
POPO: There isn't one.
LINK: ... ewww...
???, A.K.A. 'JESUS CHRIST THERE'S A HAND COMING OUT OF THAT TOILET!!': Paper! Paperrrr!
LINK: Eh???
POPO: Well I happen to have this roll of toilet paper with me. 4-ply extra soooft!
???: Why on earth would I need that? You. Kid. You have paper?
LINK: Well actually, I still have that land deed title from that business scrub over by the clock tower printed on extra-coarse paper...
???: Thanks! That's just what I needed.
Link tosses the land deed title and ??? coughs up a piece of heart, which Popo grabs.
LINK: Aw, man! Hey! Where'd he go??
POPO: Back into mysterious toilet land, where they don't know the meaning of good toilet paper...
LINK: Everybody here is crazy! How long is it until 11:30?
POPO: Well, it's three now.
LINK: Can't we just go faster?
POPO: Okay.
Popo 'pop's them to 11:30 that night in the kitchen. Anju is waiting for them.
ANJU: Well that was certainly a strange entrance.
POPO: Just tell us what you wanted to tell us.
ANJU: He, Kafei, went missing a couple of months ago. We were engaged to be married on the day of the carnival. But I got this letter from him. Please, take this letter to the postbox first thing in the morning. When it's delivered, you should be able to find him. I would go, but I can't, because I'm a wimp.
POPO: Alrighty then.
Popo takes the 'letter to Kafei.'
POPO: Whoo-whoo! Time to go to morning!
ANJU: Excuse me?
Pop
It's now morning and Link and Popo are standing in front of a postbox.
POSTBOX: Please insert mail here, ka-ching!
LINK: Whoa! An inanimate object just spoke to me!
POSBOX: It's because I'm Jesus! Ka-ching!
LINK: Awesome!
Popo puts the letter in the postbox.
POSTBOX: Thank you. Your letter will be delivered this afternoon, ka-ching!
LINK: Aw, we have to wait again?
The postman suddenly shows up and takes the letter from the postbox, without even noticing that Link and Popo are there.
POSTMAN: Hm. Normally I'm supposed to deliver these in the afternoon, but to save time, I guess I'll deliver it now.
POPO: Wow, normally he's anal about his schedule. How out of character.
And every single overly-serious fanfiction writer within a 5 mile radius of le-Popo comes to flame her for writing out of character. Those sharp-eared hyenas...
POPO: NO! NO! It's not an out of character /yaoi pairing/. Now go away!
The fanfiction writers leave and Link and Popo start to follow the postman until he reaches the laundry pool and rings the bell by the bridge. A short kid with purple hair, wearing a mask walks out of the building and talks to the postman.
LINK: Hey! He has purple hair just like that other mask! .... I wonder who he is....
POPO: Geez, idiot, just come on.
Popo drags Link into the door where the kid came from, which leads to the back of the curiosity shop. A few seconds later they hear footsteps coming up the stairs and the kid returns.
KAFE- ER... KID: You, you're the ones Anju mentioned in her letter. Can you keep a secret?
POPO: Nope! But tell us anyway!
KID: So you are looking for Kafei? Well allow me to show you...
The kid takes off the mask, and...
POPO: SURPRISE!
Popo suddenly turns around and throws the audience off of a cliff. They catch onto each other, hanging off the edge.
POPO: LOLZ! CLIFFHANGER FOR JOO!!
AUDIENCE: h4t3!!!
To be Continued in Section 2
**************************
Disclaimer: Le-Popo does not own Nintendo or any of it's characters, or any of the people/characters mentioned in this parody, but if she did, she'd be pretty darn rich >:D
**************************
Notes: Popo loves this game. Too much. But as with all things she loves, she has to make fun of it :D
Unlike the last parody, this one will have more than one chapter, and will eventually cover the whole game (so yes, lots and lots of spoilers) but of course, it will be funnier :D
A lot of this will not make sense if you haven't played the game.
Of course, if Popo is feeling lazy or is getting negative feedback, she will not complete the parody D: (because what's the point if people don't like it?)
**************************
Link and le-Popo have successfully freed all four of the giants from their curses, and saved four different lands from ultimate destruction. Though since they played the Song of Time so many times, those lands are back on the road to ultimate destruction again anyway. Ah well. So, time to beat Skull Kid and win the game, right?
POPO: WRONG!
LINK: WHAT?? We already went to all four areas and saw all four of those weird guys that have no torsos! What else is there to do?!
POPO: Well, a certain somebody seems to have spent this whole time complaining that he didn't have enough masks. So generous bitch that I am, I've decided to take this certain somebody on a long, long, LONG quest to get a mask that can only get you one lousy piece of heart. Comprende?
LINK: Maybe I just need to stop talking all together...
AUDIENCE: She'll find some other way to torment you. She always does...
LINK: Fine! I'll go and beat Skull Kid on my own! I don't need you!
POPO: You realize you've never fought a single battle here without my advice...
LINK: Heh......
POPO: And you only have the three hearts you started with, while I'm at full health.
LINK: Gah!! You suck! joo r t3h sux0rz!!!1!!one!
AUDIENCE: You see?
POPO: Heheh...
LINK: Fine Fine. Where do we have to go?
POPO: To the Mayor's office, away!
Popo takes Link to the Mayor's office where they meet Mayor Dotour.
POPO: Hey, can you give us that weird mask?
MAYOR DOTOUR: Hrmm....
LINK: I thought you said this was a long quest. We just have to ask for it?
POPO: Well you need this mask to get the other mask.
MAYOR DOTOUR: Um, Well....
LINK: Well he isn't much help.
POPO: Oh yeah, I forgot. His wife has it.
MAYOR DOTOUR: Let's not bring my wife into this.
POPO: Ah, shut up.
They walk into Madam Aroma's sitting room.
MADAM AROMA: Oh, are you the expert person-finder I hired?
POPO: I sure am!
MADAM AROMA: No, no. I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to this boy here who seems much less qualified than you.
LINK: Um, sure.
MADAM AROMA: Well then, have a mask. Oh and just by the way, my fashion sense is /horrible/. Bye now
Madam Aroma gives Link Kafei's mask and they leave the Mayor's office.
LINK: Alright, so what do we do with this?
POPO: To the Stock Pot Inn, away!
Popo leads Link into the Stock Pot Inn, where Anju is waiting behind the reception desk.
ANJU: Welcome to the Stock Pot Inn. Do you, um, have a reservation?
POPO: We sure do!
LINK: No we don't!
Popo stomps on Link's foot.
LINK: Ow!
ANJU: Oh, we have a reservation under 'sexy bitch.' you'll be staying upstairs in out knife chamber.
POPO: Nice. Knife Chamber. Nice and emo.
LINK: How is it that we had a reservation?? And why is it under 'sexy bitch??'
POPO: Heh, you'll find out soon enough.
Just then a Goron walks in.
GORON: Hello, Goro. I have a reservation.
ANJU: Um, I'm sorry, but all of our rooms are full.
GORON: Are you sure, Goro? I had a reservation. It was under sexy bitch-Goro.
ANJU: I'm sorry, we didn't have any reservations for 'sexy bitch-Goro.' There was one like that though...
GORON: There's nothing you can do about it, Goro?
ANJU: No, I'm sorry.
GORON: This world is a cruel place to live in, Goro.
POPO: There there, no need to be emo. Have you considered Prozac?
LINK: You say, after you stole his reservation...
POPO: Heh...
The postman walks in.
LINK: This place has a lot of guests!
POPO: It's because they have the only toilet in town.
POSTMAN: Delivery!
POPO: Oh, this is about to get interesting.
The postman hands Anju a letter.
ANJU: Wh- Where did you get this?!
POSTMAN: Well, I could tell you, but shifty eyes then I'd have to kill you.
ANJU: This is serious! I need you to tell me where you found this!
POSTMAN: Well, I could tell you, but I'd rather show you with, INTERPRETIVE DANCE!
The postman interpretive dances himself out the door.
LINK: I stand corrected. You're actually not the craziest one here.
POPO: REVEEEEENGE AT LAST!!
LINK: So, why did we come here in the first place? It can't have just been to get a room...
Popo takes Kafei's Mask from Link and walks up to the reception desk.
POPO: Well, now that you received that mysterious letter, I'm just going to stand here and conspicuously put on this mask.
Popo puts on Kafei's Mask.
ANJU: Oh! You're looking for Kafei, too??
POPO: Heh, the stupid ones always fall for it... I mean, yes! As a matter of fact I am!
ANJU: I- I might know where you can find him. Please meet me in the kitchen at 11:30 tonight. We'll talk then.
POPO: Righty-o!
LINK: So what do we do until 11:30?
POPO: Well, we can look around the inn.
They walk into a back room, lit by a fireplace, with an old woman sitting in a wheelchair.
GRANNY: Oh, Tortus. Why don't you let Granny tell you a story?
LINK: Who's Tortus?
GRANNY: Why, what are you talking about, Tortus? You're Tortus! And that girl over there is Tortus, too!
LINK: Is this town full of loonies or something??
POPO: Well, we're not here for stories, we're here for something much, much more important.
Popo holds out a large pillowcase.
POPO: Trick or Treat!
LINK: Duhhhh.....
GRANNY: Oh, it's that time of year already? Well I guess I do have some candy here somewhere...
Granny pulls out several pieces of heart and stuffs them in le-Popo's pillowcase. Popo grabs it and runs out of the room.
POPO: HAHAHA!! MORE HEALTH FOR ME!!!
LINK: HEY! YOU COULD AT LEAST LET ME HAVE ONE!
They run across the hall and end up in a very small room.
LINK: What's this supposed to be?
POPO: The bathroom.
LINK: I don't remember seeing a door...
POPO: There isn't one.
LINK: ... ewww...
???, A.K.A. 'JESUS CHRIST THERE'S A HAND COMING OUT OF THAT TOILET!!': Paper! Paperrrr!
LINK: Eh???
POPO: Well I happen to have this roll of toilet paper with me. 4-ply extra soooft!
???: Why on earth would I need that? You. Kid. You have paper?
LINK: Well actually, I still have that land deed title from that business scrub over by the clock tower printed on extra-coarse paper...
???: Thanks! That's just what I needed.
Link tosses the land deed title and ??? coughs up a piece of heart, which Popo grabs.
LINK: Aw, man! Hey! Where'd he go??
POPO: Back into mysterious toilet land, where they don't know the meaning of good toilet paper...
LINK: Everybody here is crazy! How long is it until 11:30?
POPO: Well, it's three now.
LINK: Can't we just go faster?
POPO: Okay.
Popo 'pop's them to 11:30 that night in the kitchen. Anju is waiting for them.
ANJU: Well that was certainly a strange entrance.
POPO: Just tell us what you wanted to tell us.
ANJU: He, Kafei, went missing a couple of months ago. We were engaged to be married on the day of the carnival. But I got this letter from him. Please, take this letter to the postbox first thing in the morning. When it's delivered, you should be able to find him. I would go, but I can't, because I'm a wimp.
POPO: Alrighty then.
Popo takes the 'letter to Kafei.'
POPO: Whoo-whoo! Time to go to morning!
ANJU: Excuse me?
Pop
It's now morning and Link and Popo are standing in front of a postbox.
POSTBOX: Please insert mail here, ka-ching!
LINK: Whoa! An inanimate object just spoke to me!
POSBOX: It's because I'm Jesus! Ka-ching!
LINK: Awesome!
Popo puts the letter in the postbox.
POSTBOX: Thank you. Your letter will be delivered this afternoon, ka-ching!
LINK: Aw, we have to wait again?
The postman suddenly shows up and takes the letter from the postbox, without even noticing that Link and Popo are there.
POSTMAN: Hm. Normally I'm supposed to deliver these in the afternoon, but to save time, I guess I'll deliver it now.
POPO: Wow, normally he's anal about his schedule. How out of character.
And every single overly-serious fanfiction writer within a 5 mile radius of le-Popo comes to flame her for writing out of character. Those sharp-eared hyenas...
POPO: NO! NO! It's not an out of character /yaoi pairing/. Now go away!
The fanfiction writers leave and Link and Popo start to follow the postman until he reaches the laundry pool and rings the bell by the bridge. A short kid with purple hair, wearing a mask walks out of the building and talks to the postman.
LINK: Hey! He has purple hair just like that other mask! .... I wonder who he is....
POPO: Geez, idiot, just come on.
Popo drags Link into the door where the kid came from, which leads to the back of the curiosity shop. A few seconds later they hear footsteps coming up the stairs and the kid returns.
KAFE- ER... KID: You, you're the ones Anju mentioned in her letter. Can you keep a secret?
POPO: Nope! But tell us anyway!
KID: So you are looking for Kafei? Well allow me to show you...
The kid takes off the mask, and...
POPO: SURPRISE!
Popo suddenly turns around and throws the audience off of a cliff. They catch onto each other, hanging off the edge.
POPO: LOLZ! CLIFFHANGER FOR JOO!!
AUDIENCE: h4t3!!!
To be Continued in Section 2
**************************
Disclaimer: Le-Popo does not own Nintendo or any of it's characters, or any of the people/characters mentioned in this parody, but if she did, she'd be pretty darn rich >:D
**************************
Notes: Popo loves this game. Too much. But as with all things she loves, she has to make fun of it :D
Unlike the last parody, this one will have more than one chapter, and will eventually cover the whole game (so yes, lots and lots of spoilers) but of course, it will be funnier :D
A lot of this will not make sense if you haven't played the game.
Of course, if Popo is feeling lazy or is getting negative feedback, she will not complete the parody D: (because what's the point if people don't like it?)
**************************
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