Categories > Games > Zelda > Le-Popo's Quest for the Creepy-Looking but Heart-Shaped Mask
The Canyon of Spooky Dead Things and Icky Bugs
0 reviewsIkana Canyon is the land of an ancient kingdom. But we don't care about that, do we? Le-Popo guides Link through the final area of the game while completely ignoring all common sense, not like she ...
0Unrated
Chapter 5: The Canyon of Spooky Dead Things and Icky Bugs
Le-Popo and Link have finally freed three of the giants. Now with only one left, things are bound to settle down, right?
POPO: Wrong!
LINK: Aren't we supposed to be going to the canyon?
POPO: Right!
They leave through the East Gate and make their way into Ikana Canyon.
LINK: Spooky...
POE MAN: You need a mask that calls upon spirits to enter the canyon, or something like that.
LINK: Well we don't have that mask, thanks to a certain somebody who likes to skip things.
POPO: Heheh, well we're going to get in there one way or another, scary man, so you and your one eye are just going to have to deal with it.
POE MAN: Well even if I were to use my super amazing tree-growing powers to allow you to pass, the brat is the only one who can use the hookshot, so you wouldn't be able to get up here anyway.
POPO: Quite the contrary.
Pop
Popo and Link teleport to the top of the cliff.
POE MAN: Pop? That was lameeee.
POPO: You're just jealous of my sexy popiness.
LINK: Popiness??
POE MAN: You're not very sexy.
Le-Popo turns around.
POPO: Yeah, well look at this! This is my Sexy Back! Let's just try and see JT beat this!
The Poe Man slowly fades away.
POPO: Yeah, running away, are we?
LINK: Shouldn't we just go?
POPO: Alrighty then.
They walk into the canyon, where, of course, there is another cliff on the other side of the river. Popo 'Pops' them to the top of the cliff again, where there is a single house with a giant phonograph attached to a waterwheel. At this moment in time, Frank Lloyd Wright would have a heart attack.
LINK: Well that's a weird looking house.
POPO: Let's go in!
Popo knocks on the door, after she beats the crap out of all of the gibdos walking around it.
POPO: Somewhere in the world, an Egyptologist is crying...
PAMELA: My father doesn't want to see anyone!
POPO: Oh, we'll just see about that!
Popo kicks down the door, and enters the house with Link, SWAT style.
POPO: GO, GO, GO!
She jostles Link downstairs, right past Pamela, into the basement of the house, where an insane gibdo-man on steroids pops out of a closet. Yes. OUT OF A CLOSET!
POPO: OH JESUS!
LINK: What do I do? Fight him?
POPO: Just play the Song of Healing and we can congratulate him on his confession!
Link plays the Song of Healing and a mask falls to the feet of a man with a strange hairdo wearing a lab coat. Pamela runs up to them and they hug. How vomit-inducingly sweet.
POPO: Oh dear. He's gay, AND he's a pedophile, how much more can you ask for?
LINK: He's her father! How does that make him a pedophile?! And what makes you think he's gay??
POPO: He jumped out a freakin' closet! A colorful closet!!
LINK: You're hopeless! And just ignore the fact that I'm speaking intelligently for once.
AUDIENCE: Well, it's given us less to do anyway.
POPO: Well let's go see what that mask does.
They walk outside, where more gibdos are walking around. Link puts on the mask and finds he is able to talk to them.
GIBDO: Feeeeeed Meeeeee!
LINK: Umm....
GIBDO: I desire.... human flesssssshhhh...
POPO: Well then...
GIBDO: Preciousssss....
POPO: Well, let's move on then.
Popo begins walking back towards the entrance of the canyon, the direction they came from.
LINK: Why are you going that way?
POPO: We're backtracking. Because efficiency is not my middle name.
They 'Pop' down back to where the Poe Man was and take a side road that leads into a graveyard.
POPO: Oh, Dampyyy!
DAMPE: You rang?
AUDIENCE: So now it's the Adams Family?
POPO: Shut up. And no, nothing, I just like to see your ugly face, it makes me feel beautiful.
DAMPE: Well that sure raised my self-esteem...
POPO: Later!
Popo leads Link to an area beyond the graveyard, where there is an arch, with a large skull under it.
LINK: Whoa!
POPO: So. Normally, you'd play the Sonata of Awakening to wake this bitch up, but of course, we didn't learn that.
LINK: Of course...
POPO: No need to worry, I'll think of something...
The audience, seeing how predictable le-Popo is, has already escaped to the bomb shelter.
POPO: WAKE THE HELL UP!
LINK: You honestly think something that simple is going to work??
Skull Keeta gets up and starts lumbering away.
POPO: Victory!
LINK: Alright! But how do I fight him?
POPO: Well first you have to catch him.
LINK: Ugh, that seems hard, I haven't really done any work this whole time, you know.
POPO: Well, there's always another way.
LINK: I think I'm going to regret this...
POPO: HEY! YEAH YOU, THE OVERGROWN STALCHILD! GET OVER HERE!
Skull Keeta stops and turns around.
SKULL KEETA: Excuse me?
No... No. Popo must resist it, the urge to say...
LINK: Well, excuuuuse me, princess.
Popo has just failed miserably.
SKULL KEETA: I beg your pardon. I am most certainly not a stalchild. I am a stalfos, yes I am.
POPO: No you're not!
SKULL KEETA: Yes I am!
Link slashes Skull Keeta and beats him. Le easy? I think so. Skull Keeta passes away and removes the ring of fire from the treasure chest on top of the arch. Link opens it and gets the Captain's Hat.
POPO: So now you can stop complaining about not having masks.
LINK: What does this one do?
POPO: Go talk to that stalchild over there and find out for yourself.
LINK: Hello there.
STALCHILD: Captain, Sir! I will now be your bitch! I'm just too retarded to realize you're a little brat wearing my captain's weird hat.
LINK: Awesome! I have slaves!
POPO: Yup, now let's get going to Stone Tower Temple.
LINK: What about that huge castle in the canyon? We're not going to go there?
POPO: Nope, that's not important.
In Ikana Castle...
IGOS DU IKANA: When are those stupid brats going to show up??
SERVANT NUMERO UNO: Lolz, Imma stab u!
SERVANT 2: No, Imma stab u!
SERVANT 1: No, Imma stab u!
IGOS DU IKANA: Shut the hell up!
Anyweh, Popo transports them to the entrance of Stone Tower Temple and they enter, completely ignoring the fact that Link didn't learn the Elegy of Emptiness. It's not like he even has all of the masks needed to enter anyway.
LINK: Can we play through the temple this time? Pritty Pleze?
Popo chuckles at her purposefully horrible spelling.
POPO: Nope, because this music will get stuck in my head. Again.
LINK: Fine...
Le-Popo transports them to the boss room, which can hardly be called a room anyway. 'Endless Desert' is more like it.
TEXT: Giant Masked Insect TWINMOLD
LINK: Ewww, it's an icky bug!
POPO: A massive icky bug.
LINK: So how do I kill it?
POPO: You slash it with your sword.
LINK: It's really that simple?
POPO: Yup.
Link goes and attempts to slash one of the Moldorm's heads, but his sword is just too pathetic.
LINK: I thought you said that's all I had to do!
POPO: Oh, well you have to be giant sized first.
LINK: And how do I do that??
POPO: You use a mask.
LINK: And I don't have this mask do I?
POPO: Nope!
LINK: Right.
POPO: Well I'll take care of it.
Popo pulls out the fly swatter she used to kill Tattl and makes it become huge. How, you ask?
POPO: Well I use all of the souls from the babies I eat. Yesh, I WILL EAT UR BABEHS!
LINK: ....
Popo chases Twinmold with the fly swatter.
MOLDORM 1: Well look at that strange looking girl, she seems to have a massive swatting device.
MOLDORM 2: I do believe we should run.
MOLDORM 1: Well then, you first, old chap.
MOLDORM 2: Oh, I must insist, you go on ahead.
MOLDORM 1: Why, I could never do that! Please, do go.
MOLDORM 2: Well then, why don't we just go at the same ti-
Popo catches up to them and starts beating the crap out of them with her massive fly swatter. She grabs the resulting heart container.
LINK: I can't believe you got all of them!
POPO: I'm special!
The enter the portal, where they see the final giant.
GIANT: Oh, you finally came! I've been so bored here all by myself. I've just had to talk to the bubbles. I've given them names, too. This one's Bobby, and this is Steve, and Joey, and Mary Poppins.
Popo sticks out her finger and pops 'Bobby.'
GIANT: Bobby! Noooooooo! I can't believe it! After all the time we spent together! Oh, and forgive our friend. Noooooooooooooo!
POPO: Alright, let's go.
Link and Popo are transported back to the canyon.
LINK: We finally got all of them! Now I can beat up that lousy Skull Kid!
POPO: Just play the Song of Time.
LINK: Can't you just let me have a moment of happiness?
POPO: No. I'm mean.
LINK: I will get revenge on you, someday...
End Chapter 5
**************************
Disclaimer: Le-Popo does not own Nintendo or any of it's characters, or any of the people/characters mentioned in this parody, but if she did, she'd be pretty darn rich >:D
**************************
Notes: Popo loves this game. Too much. But as with all things she loves, she has to make fun of it :D
Unlike the last parody, this one will have more than one chapter, and will eventually cover the whole game (so yes, lots and lots of spoilers) but of course, it will be funnier :D
A lot of this will not make sense if you haven't played the game.
Of course, if Popo is feeling lazy or is getting negative feedback, she will not complete the parody D: (because what's the point if people don't like it?)
**************************
Le-Popo and Link have finally freed three of the giants. Now with only one left, things are bound to settle down, right?
POPO: Wrong!
LINK: Aren't we supposed to be going to the canyon?
POPO: Right!
They leave through the East Gate and make their way into Ikana Canyon.
LINK: Spooky...
POE MAN: You need a mask that calls upon spirits to enter the canyon, or something like that.
LINK: Well we don't have that mask, thanks to a certain somebody who likes to skip things.
POPO: Heheh, well we're going to get in there one way or another, scary man, so you and your one eye are just going to have to deal with it.
POE MAN: Well even if I were to use my super amazing tree-growing powers to allow you to pass, the brat is the only one who can use the hookshot, so you wouldn't be able to get up here anyway.
POPO: Quite the contrary.
Pop
Popo and Link teleport to the top of the cliff.
POE MAN: Pop? That was lameeee.
POPO: You're just jealous of my sexy popiness.
LINK: Popiness??
POE MAN: You're not very sexy.
Le-Popo turns around.
POPO: Yeah, well look at this! This is my Sexy Back! Let's just try and see JT beat this!
The Poe Man slowly fades away.
POPO: Yeah, running away, are we?
LINK: Shouldn't we just go?
POPO: Alrighty then.
They walk into the canyon, where, of course, there is another cliff on the other side of the river. Popo 'Pops' them to the top of the cliff again, where there is a single house with a giant phonograph attached to a waterwheel. At this moment in time, Frank Lloyd Wright would have a heart attack.
LINK: Well that's a weird looking house.
POPO: Let's go in!
Popo knocks on the door, after she beats the crap out of all of the gibdos walking around it.
POPO: Somewhere in the world, an Egyptologist is crying...
PAMELA: My father doesn't want to see anyone!
POPO: Oh, we'll just see about that!
Popo kicks down the door, and enters the house with Link, SWAT style.
POPO: GO, GO, GO!
She jostles Link downstairs, right past Pamela, into the basement of the house, where an insane gibdo-man on steroids pops out of a closet. Yes. OUT OF A CLOSET!
POPO: OH JESUS!
LINK: What do I do? Fight him?
POPO: Just play the Song of Healing and we can congratulate him on his confession!
Link plays the Song of Healing and a mask falls to the feet of a man with a strange hairdo wearing a lab coat. Pamela runs up to them and they hug. How vomit-inducingly sweet.
POPO: Oh dear. He's gay, AND he's a pedophile, how much more can you ask for?
LINK: He's her father! How does that make him a pedophile?! And what makes you think he's gay??
POPO: He jumped out a freakin' closet! A colorful closet!!
LINK: You're hopeless! And just ignore the fact that I'm speaking intelligently for once.
AUDIENCE: Well, it's given us less to do anyway.
POPO: Well let's go see what that mask does.
They walk outside, where more gibdos are walking around. Link puts on the mask and finds he is able to talk to them.
GIBDO: Feeeeeed Meeeeee!
LINK: Umm....
GIBDO: I desire.... human flesssssshhhh...
POPO: Well then...
GIBDO: Preciousssss....
POPO: Well, let's move on then.
Popo begins walking back towards the entrance of the canyon, the direction they came from.
LINK: Why are you going that way?
POPO: We're backtracking. Because efficiency is not my middle name.
They 'Pop' down back to where the Poe Man was and take a side road that leads into a graveyard.
POPO: Oh, Dampyyy!
DAMPE: You rang?
AUDIENCE: So now it's the Adams Family?
POPO: Shut up. And no, nothing, I just like to see your ugly face, it makes me feel beautiful.
DAMPE: Well that sure raised my self-esteem...
POPO: Later!
Popo leads Link to an area beyond the graveyard, where there is an arch, with a large skull under it.
LINK: Whoa!
POPO: So. Normally, you'd play the Sonata of Awakening to wake this bitch up, but of course, we didn't learn that.
LINK: Of course...
POPO: No need to worry, I'll think of something...
The audience, seeing how predictable le-Popo is, has already escaped to the bomb shelter.
POPO: WAKE THE HELL UP!
LINK: You honestly think something that simple is going to work??
Skull Keeta gets up and starts lumbering away.
POPO: Victory!
LINK: Alright! But how do I fight him?
POPO: Well first you have to catch him.
LINK: Ugh, that seems hard, I haven't really done any work this whole time, you know.
POPO: Well, there's always another way.
LINK: I think I'm going to regret this...
POPO: HEY! YEAH YOU, THE OVERGROWN STALCHILD! GET OVER HERE!
Skull Keeta stops and turns around.
SKULL KEETA: Excuse me?
No... No. Popo must resist it, the urge to say...
LINK: Well, excuuuuse me, princess.
Popo has just failed miserably.
SKULL KEETA: I beg your pardon. I am most certainly not a stalchild. I am a stalfos, yes I am.
POPO: No you're not!
SKULL KEETA: Yes I am!
Link slashes Skull Keeta and beats him. Le easy? I think so. Skull Keeta passes away and removes the ring of fire from the treasure chest on top of the arch. Link opens it and gets the Captain's Hat.
POPO: So now you can stop complaining about not having masks.
LINK: What does this one do?
POPO: Go talk to that stalchild over there and find out for yourself.
LINK: Hello there.
STALCHILD: Captain, Sir! I will now be your bitch! I'm just too retarded to realize you're a little brat wearing my captain's weird hat.
LINK: Awesome! I have slaves!
POPO: Yup, now let's get going to Stone Tower Temple.
LINK: What about that huge castle in the canyon? We're not going to go there?
POPO: Nope, that's not important.
In Ikana Castle...
IGOS DU IKANA: When are those stupid brats going to show up??
SERVANT NUMERO UNO: Lolz, Imma stab u!
SERVANT 2: No, Imma stab u!
SERVANT 1: No, Imma stab u!
IGOS DU IKANA: Shut the hell up!
Anyweh, Popo transports them to the entrance of Stone Tower Temple and they enter, completely ignoring the fact that Link didn't learn the Elegy of Emptiness. It's not like he even has all of the masks needed to enter anyway.
LINK: Can we play through the temple this time? Pritty Pleze?
Popo chuckles at her purposefully horrible spelling.
POPO: Nope, because this music will get stuck in my head. Again.
LINK: Fine...
Le-Popo transports them to the boss room, which can hardly be called a room anyway. 'Endless Desert' is more like it.
TEXT: Giant Masked Insect TWINMOLD
LINK: Ewww, it's an icky bug!
POPO: A massive icky bug.
LINK: So how do I kill it?
POPO: You slash it with your sword.
LINK: It's really that simple?
POPO: Yup.
Link goes and attempts to slash one of the Moldorm's heads, but his sword is just too pathetic.
LINK: I thought you said that's all I had to do!
POPO: Oh, well you have to be giant sized first.
LINK: And how do I do that??
POPO: You use a mask.
LINK: And I don't have this mask do I?
POPO: Nope!
LINK: Right.
POPO: Well I'll take care of it.
Popo pulls out the fly swatter she used to kill Tattl and makes it become huge. How, you ask?
POPO: Well I use all of the souls from the babies I eat. Yesh, I WILL EAT UR BABEHS!
LINK: ....
Popo chases Twinmold with the fly swatter.
MOLDORM 1: Well look at that strange looking girl, she seems to have a massive swatting device.
MOLDORM 2: I do believe we should run.
MOLDORM 1: Well then, you first, old chap.
MOLDORM 2: Oh, I must insist, you go on ahead.
MOLDORM 1: Why, I could never do that! Please, do go.
MOLDORM 2: Well then, why don't we just go at the same ti-
Popo catches up to them and starts beating the crap out of them with her massive fly swatter. She grabs the resulting heart container.
LINK: I can't believe you got all of them!
POPO: I'm special!
The enter the portal, where they see the final giant.
GIANT: Oh, you finally came! I've been so bored here all by myself. I've just had to talk to the bubbles. I've given them names, too. This one's Bobby, and this is Steve, and Joey, and Mary Poppins.
Popo sticks out her finger and pops 'Bobby.'
GIANT: Bobby! Noooooooo! I can't believe it! After all the time we spent together! Oh, and forgive our friend. Noooooooooooooo!
POPO: Alright, let's go.
Link and Popo are transported back to the canyon.
LINK: We finally got all of them! Now I can beat up that lousy Skull Kid!
POPO: Just play the Song of Time.
LINK: Can't you just let me have a moment of happiness?
POPO: No. I'm mean.
LINK: I will get revenge on you, someday...
End Chapter 5
**************************
Disclaimer: Le-Popo does not own Nintendo or any of it's characters, or any of the people/characters mentioned in this parody, but if she did, she'd be pretty darn rich >:D
**************************
Notes: Popo loves this game. Too much. But as with all things she loves, she has to make fun of it :D
Unlike the last parody, this one will have more than one chapter, and will eventually cover the whole game (so yes, lots and lots of spoilers) but of course, it will be funnier :D
A lot of this will not make sense if you haven't played the game.
Of course, if Popo is feeling lazy or is getting negative feedback, she will not complete the parody D: (because what's the point if people don't like it?)
**************************
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