Categories > Anime/Manga > Full Metal Alchemist > Phagomania

The Facts of Life

by aisuru_na_usagi 0 reviews

Scar never said he was great with kids. They always ask the WORST questions. CRACKFIC Drabble. Spoiler Warning and Slightly AUish. R&R Please.

Category: Full Metal Alchemist - Rating: PG - Genres: Humor - Characters: Scar, Wrath - Warnings: [!!] [!!!] [?] - Published: 2006-10-25 - Updated: 2006-10-26 - 610 words

The Facts of Life

Another Crack-fic drabble brought to you by Aisuru na Usagi

Author's Note and Disclaimer: I do not own FMA. Otherwise, Roy and Riza would have triplets by now and Scar would be with Lust and also alive and so would Ed and he would be with he IS alive, but...nevermind. Sorry! cries about spoiling the series Remember, this is a CRACK-FIC AND NOT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY. Also, this might be a little AU, since it would probably never happen, but it is a crack-fic, so nyeah!

Words: 461


"Scar-ojii-san, where do babies come from?"

Scar wore a look of abject horror on his face as the young homunculus, Wrath, peered innocently up at him. How the hell was he supposed to answer THAT?

"Ne, ne, tell me, tell me! Lust-obaa-san said you'd be fun" Wrath pouted, tugging on the Ishbalan's sleeve.

Scar began to deeply regret having agreed to babysitting. But Lust-san had done that pouty thing with her lips which got him all flustered and he forgot that he could say no and he was stuck. Stuck with a kid who would be perpetually eight the rest of his quasi-life who was asking Scar to explain the birds and the bees.

Scar took a few calming breaths, cleared his throat, and began to explain, but all that came out was a squeak. His face flushed slightly pink as Wrath giggled in amusement and tugged on his sleeve again.

"Well, you see, when a man and a woman love each other very much...they...they..." Scar stumbled over the words.

"They whaaaat?" Wrath prompted cheerily.

"" Scar fished his mind desperately, hoping for some sort of epiphany. Why were kids so damn inquisitive nowadays?! He certainly never asked his parents about the facts of life. He waited for them to tell him.

"Call?" the curious homunculus questioned.

" STORK! They call THE STORK!" Scar blurted the first thing that came to mind and by now his face was almost as red as his eyes. And what hell was a stork?!

"What's a stork?" Wrath asked, wrinkling his nose as he unwittingly echoed the question in Scar's own mind.

" babies. To the parent's house," Scar explained, not exactly knowing where this knowledge was coming from.

"Oh. Okay. But then why do mommies have to wait nine months? And why do their bellies get big if the...stork...delivers them?" Wrath said, springing another question on the already flustered serial alchemist killer.

Oh. Shit.

" stork...the stork gets..." Scar continued, gulping nervously.

Wrath leaned in anticipation of Scar's explanation.

"...the A SEED! Yeah, A seed from THE CABBAGE PATCH! And he gives it to the mother to her belly," Scar babbled, feeling more and more uncomfortable by the second.

"Wooooow. You're so smart Scar-ojii-san! Thanks for explaining to me!" Wrath chirped, hugging the poor disconcerted man.

Scar breathed a sigh of relief. Finally, no more q-

"Because Envy-onii-san said that parents have babies after they go to their room and do the nasty. Does 'doing the nasty' mean calling the stork?" Wrath added, smiling ingenuously.

'Damn you Envy. Damn you to hell.' Scar thought darkly.



BWAHAHAHA! wipes tears of mirth from her eyes I love messing around with the FMA cast. XD Please R&R!

This one is dedicated to my dearest friend and partner in crime, Shiruba Neko, who loves Scar to death and beta-ed this little piece of work for me. With love, the Brownie Child.
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