FicWad

We both were leaning against the counter, speechless and unaware that it the day was going to end in the worst way possible.

"Patrick," I whispered and turned my head to catch his profile.

His eyes were distant as he stared straight ahead at the back wall, meeting many posters of various bands. I sighed as he blinked and turned his gaze towards me.

"Yea?" he asked in the same tone. I smiled pathetically and shuffled closer, his arm moving to around my shoulders.

"You don't want to leave, do you?" I asked. His breathing was already shallow enough, but it seemed as though Patrick was dying in my arms. He sighed lightly.

"Never. But I need this," he mumbled. I tilted my head up to look at him.

"Patrick?" I called again and he looked down.

"What?" he asked and I bit my lip.

"Are you ever going to tell Izzy?" I asked and Patrick flattened his lips into a half smile.

"In time," he whispered. He looked away again and I timidly raised my hand to brush the escaping tears away from his eyes.

"I'm sorry for everything, Patrick," I whispered. His arm tightened around me and he pulled me into a hug, kissing my head.

"Don't...please don't," I sucked in my breath and swallowed the tears back. "I shouldn't have to deal with a school-boy crush," I pulled back and titled me head slightly.

"It's love, Patrick. There is a difference," Patrick sighed.

"I don't think I can say goodbye," I bit my lip.

"Can I tell you a secret, Patrick?" I asked and he looked down at me.

"What?" he asked. I sighed, closing my eyes and looking away.

"I...I don't think I'll be here when you guys get back," Patrick's arms tightened again.

"No. /No/," he sharply said. I opened my eyes to see fear in his eyes.

"What? Why?" I asked and Patrick frowned.

"Evie...don't do that to Pete," I bit my lip in anger.

"He doesn't care. I told him how I felt and he blew me off. I could care less about the gender confused bastard," Patrick sighed, looking away.

"Then...don't do that to Andy," he whispered. I frowned.

"We're not even together anymore, Patrick," I whispered.

Patrick looked as though he was running out of excuses- like a child would when they forgot their homework.

"Then..." he paused and caught eyes with me. "What about Joe and me?" he asked and I cupped his face.

"You guys will be fine...I...I just need time to think things out, you know?" Patrick pursed his lips together before nodding. He kissed my forehead.

"I have to go," he whispered and I glanced up.

"Why?" I asked and Patrick smiled.

"I'm not going to lose out on something perfect," he simply said and I bit my lip as he gathered his things and taking a breath. "I have to go see Izzy,"

I smiled brightly and nodded before wiping the rest of his tears away and shooing him out of the store. I sighed up at the ceiling and felt the tugging on my heart.

I wasn't going to forgive Pete.

Ever.

----------

While standing next to my bed, packing my bags, I kept thinking back to the year that had passed. It made me feel old.

Funny, I was only 19.

While we were supposed to be growing up, we were go ing down into the dumps, letting love take over our souls and warp our minds to no extent. I slowed down in placing clothes in the suitcases to let my mind wander even further.

Back to the coffee shop, back to the club...back to the alleys. I sat down on my bed, baffled by how much one year could do to us. I gulped and closed my eyes tightly, memories of when I got shot...Pete crying.

I figured it had really been that long...

"Evie?" I blinked and looked up to see Izzy in the doorway, fresh tears blanketing her eyes and cheeks. I sighed, knowing.

"What happened?" I asked. Izzy bit her lip and walked over, sitting next to me.

"Umm...well," she took a deep breath. "I...I met up with Patrick and...I told him that me and my boyfriend broke up and..." I swallowed.

"What did Patrick say?" I asked. Izzy blinked.

"It's more of what he didn't say," I furrowed my eyebrows together, confused.

"Alright. What didn't he say?" I asked this time. Izzy bit her lip, using the back of her wrist to wipe more escaping tears away.

"I...told him I did it for him, he looked like he wanted to tell me something but chickened out as soon as I told him everything I had been feeling towards him," I widened my eyes slightly.

"And what is that?" I asked. Izzy bit her lip again and sighed, hunching over a little more.

"That I loved him," For a moment I was happy, but then remembered that something had gone wrong.

"What...what happened after that? What did Patrick say?" Izzy shrugged.

"He was like...he was talking to himself," she paused and played with her fingers. "He said that he couldn't do this and that it was too good to be true," I wish I could have smacked that boy. I shook my head and slouched over slightly.

"Like a bird set out of its cage," I whispered. "Freedom to do what it wants..." Izzy nodded, understanding.

"And then it flies right into a wall and dies," I turned my head towards her and we both sighed, tears glazing our eyes.

"Boys," we said at the same time.

----------

I wanted to be strong, I swear I wanted to, but I couldn't face the fact that they were all going away. Izzy included. I hated the fact I was to be alone, and hated it even more that I had only told Patrick about where I was going.

I was leaning wordlessly against Joe as we sat in the airport chairs, just waiting. Andy was talking to Izzy and Patrick sat to my left, silent and staring out the large glass window.

"Evie," I blinked, yawning and titling my head up to see Joe pouting. He shifted to wrap his arm around my shoulders and brought me closer, playing with my hair. "I'm going to miss these curls," I bit my lip to stifle a smile and reached up, playing with his crazy hair that was slowly expanding more into a fro.

"I'm going to miss this big thing of squish," Joe smirked and kissed my head.

"I'm going to miss our mom of the group," I smacked his chest. "Scratch that, our abusive mom of the group," I sighed.

"I know," I whispered. Joe caught my eyes.

"He loves you, you know," I shook my head.

"Then why didn't he tell me?" I asked and Joe shrugged.

"If I know Pete, and I know Pete," he paused. "He'll come around. Eventually," I blinked and bit my lip.

Eventually.

I hated that word.

"Ev," I looked up to see Andy smiling with his hand extended. I gripped it, letting him help me up. We stood off to the side for a while before Andy kissed my forehead.

"You should be happy," I looked up at him.

"Why?" I asked. Andy frowned.

"I know we are leaving, but still. I mean, you talked to Pete, right?" he asked. I looked away.

"Yeah. Sure I did," I bit my lip, stifling the tears that I was so sick of. "That doesn't mean I got my 'happily ever after'," I mumbled. Andy titled my head up.

"I don't think you deserved that...if he led you on," I closed my eyes.

"But I did the same thing," I whispered. Andy sighed, shaking his head as I opened my eyes again.

"Pete is confusing," he muttered. I lightly smirked.

"You can say that again," Andy smiled and hugged me tightly.

"I love you way too much, Ev," I smiled into his shoulder and closed my eyes as he kissed my cheek.

"You have to promise me something," I whispered. Andy pulled back, titling his head slightly.

"Name it," I glanced back at Patrick.

"Make sure he stays happy," I said. He kissed my nose and I covered my face quickly as I sneezed. "I told you not to do /that/!" I whined. Andy chuckled and shook his head while Patrick came back over.

"Uhh, Evie, can I talk to you?" I excused myself from Andy and walked with Patrick towards the window.

"What is it?" I asked. Patrick glanced over my shoulder and I turned to see Izzy pathetically sitting next to Joe. I looked back at Patrick to see him staring at his feet.

"Does she hate me?" he asked in a mumble. I frowned.

"No," I simply said and picked his head up. "Never. Patrick, she loves you," Patrick bit his lip.

"I don't know what kept me from saying it back," I frowned and sighed, pulling him in for a hug.

"Patrick...please...please don't let this go," Patrick sniffed into my shoulder.

"I won't...but I can't tell her in this situation...I'm leaving for god's sake," I frowned and held his hands for a moment.

"Then try to remember that...you love her and that she loves you and when you get back you fucking prove it to her," Patrick nodded and sighed slightly.

"I have to prove myself," he mumbled I was about to respond when the intercom went off and Patrick bit his lip, hands leaving mine.

"I guess it's our time to fly," he whispered. I nodded and felt an arm wrap around my shoulder.

"We'll miss you girls," Joe said and kissed my cheek.

I winced slightly and hugged him quickly before letting Andy squeeze the living out of me. I snuck back to stand next to Izzy and let my shoulders fall as the three disappeared. Izzy turned to me, her carry on bag over her shoulders.

"I should be back when they get back too," she said. I smiled and nodded.

"You know Izzy, Patrick loves you," Izzy smiled.

"That's nice to know," I looked away for a moment and then back at my hands.

"I...I'm going back to Arizona," Izzy gasped slightly.

"What? What about Pete?" she asked and I shook my head.

"He..." I shook my head. "Things didn't go according to plan," I whispered. Izzy frowned.

"When do they ever?" I sighed and Izzy looked up as her flight was called. "I'll call and ship Penguins whenever I get enough money for stamps," I laughed lightly and brought her into a hug.

"Don't wait too long on Patrick, but don't keep him waiting either," I paused as she stepped backwards. "Look where it got me," Izzy smiled and nodded before turning around and rushing over to the terminal.

I watched before the dark cloud surrounded me.

I was alone again.

----------

With love comes war.

With war comes resolve.

With resolve come apologies.

With apologies comes love.

With love comes.../war/.

I bit my lip as I entered the grand hall again, my bags at my feet and my breathing deep and shallow. I took a deep breath and watched as my dad came out from his office.

"Hey honey," he spoke and I let his arms circle around me, rocking me back and forth, kissing my temples. "How are you feeling?" he asked. I bit my lip and shrugged.

"I could be better," I looked at my feet. "A lot better," My dad smirked.

"Listen...I'm going to cook us some vegetable lasagna and we're going to stuff our faces with Butterfingers and watch 80's movies, alright?" I smiled and tugged on his sweater sleeve as he started to walk towards the kitchen.

"Daddy?" I asked and he looked back.

"What is it?" he asked. I bit my lip.

"Thank you," I whispered.

My dad smiled warmly and nodded before slipping through the swinging door. I slowly made my way upstairs and slipped through my bedroom to find all my pictures still up from last Christmas.

I bit my lip and sat on the bed. So many memories flooded back and I had to shake my head free of them. I didn't want to think about Pete. I didn't want to think about any of them. I sighed and threw myself back and hit my head on my pillow. It hurt.

"Odd," I mumbled and sat up, rubbing the back of my head while I flipped the pillow over.

I widened my eyes and picked up the piece of paper, instantly recognizing the handwriting.
December 28th, 2001
Evie-
It's not that I'm jealous, it's not that I want Andy out of the picture, it's just that I love you and I wanted you before anybody else came into our lives. I'm not saying it was love at first site, and I'm not saying that it you had me when I met you at the club. I'm thinking it all started when you kissed me that first time...when Paul was around. I'm not sure when I'll be able to tell you, but I figured that eventually you'd come back here and discover this note and...box. I'm not one to drag things out, or act desperate. I always tell myself I'm not the desperate type, but I love you, Evie. So I did what I did best. I wrote a song...
-Peter

I arched an eyebrow and opened the box to find another note. I sighed and opened it, widening my eyes at the date.

October 26th, 2002
Evie-
I figured that if you were to read the last one, you wouldn't really understand it much, seeing as though that was a year ago. I don't really have much to say about it, but...I hope you're getting this in a timely fashion. I'm about to go record a record that might change my future. And now...all I have left to tell you is that I changed what was in this box. I changed it from the actual written song to...the real song. It's an acoustic version, but I hope you love it...
-Peter

I swallowed and shuffled through the tissue paper and revealed a tape. I pursed my lips together and shuffled over to my stereo before nervously placing the tape into the player.

I sat down at the foot of my bed and clutched my stuffed cow before perking my ears up at the sound of guitars hitting my ears.

"Where is your boy tonight?"

Good question.

TO BE CONTINUED...