FicWad

The bell has rung and theres a stampeed to get to class. We have to read our reports on our "Biggest Tragedy". Me and my best friend Maggie head to our class and as every minute passes by us, we get more and more scared to read this to everyone. All these years, we've tried to hide it. I guess its time to come out and tell.

"Okay. Good mornig class. As you know all your reports are due and you have to read them to the class." Mrs Crane said. "Okay, Maggie your up first. Then after Maggie its going to be Sarah, Joel, Katie, and then Joshua. Let's get started!" She Exclaimed. Maggie walked slowly up to the stand in the front of the class room. I could tell what she was feeling, I was feeling it too.

"Okay." Maggie starts as she clears her throat. I can hear giggling behind me.

"The older I get, the more my eyes start to open. I'm like a baby kitten but the blindness is lasting more
than it should. I use my senses to get around this cruel cold world. For the first ten years of my life, I was known
for innocence; My stupid, yet funny questions and the way I'd still keep my bedroom light on. Everything was
just so easy. The problems I had were never really my problems; from my dad's constant drinking and to my mom's
stressful late nights at work. It was like I was too young to understand that it was really effecting me...or more
importantly, my future. Being so young, life was just elementary and sleepovers with my bestfriend Katie while
playing with barbies but now, life is highschool and still sleepovers with my bestfriend Katie but while planning
to move to L.A and live in an apartment together after Graduation. All we do is plan our future, where were
going, how much money we need, what jobs we'll take up, everything. I just wish sometimes that we were little
kids again and we didn't have to worry or linger on these kinds of things. It was just so much easier but I'm glad
I grew up. If I didn't, I probley couldn't have been able to handle all the things I've been through. I'd probley be
long gone by now. This is an autobiography on how my eyes finally started to flutter open; When I realized that
I'm not a kid anymore and some people need me to be strong...for them.

I'm in love. I've been in love since I was born. In love with the air I breathe, the ground I walk on, the
people who surround me; aswell walking and breathing in the things I love. It's just everyday the air becomes
thinner, the ground gets weaker, and the people around me get older. Some don't realize that love stays
strong but It doesnt mean it cant die. I've had loves die, more than one. Some loves who left this world with
a mission and others that still walk the earth...who pushed my love away. I loved my family, my friends, my god,
and anyone who could return the favor. When I was young, I thought I hated some people...but being older
also changed everything I believed and what my young mind had defined it as. Now I know what 'real' hate
is and It's easy to say it but so hard to hear it coming towards you. All in one day...I felt sorrow, hate, anger,
and so many emotions at one time I had never felt before as a ten year old. It was in Late-July of 2001 I noticed
my dad starting to get sick. We didn't know what It was and the doctors kept sending him home. I couldn't
stand seeing him look so helpless. It was in 2001, my father started to change his life, turn it around and make
himself a man. He got a job and stopped drinking. It was like he was just a happier person, knowing he
was doing better in life out of the other years he'd wasted. It was one day I came from Katie's house and
went in my dad's room; He looked so weak. He told me my mom was going to take him to the emergency room.
I remember not thinking it was serious...knowing they would make him better and send him home, only
to learn later on that he'd never be coming back. After he told me he was leaving to the hospital...I pulled
a roll of stickers out of my pocket. They had angel bears on them and I gave him the one I liked most.
He looked at me and smiled, placing it on the wall above his head where he layed. He said, "It's my gardean
angel." I'll never forget that...for now he is mine.

Days flew past as he was in the hospital. I dont even remember what all happened; It was just days
pulled into one. Everyone had a feeling he wasent going to make it...but I remember thinking, "I cant wait
to have daddy back at home." It was one night I found out about something called Life Support; Being ten
I had no idea what it was. My mom made me wait in the waiting room with my brother as her and my dad's
sister saw him on life support for the first time. I wanted to see my dad so bad but my mom knew I'd probley
get afraid of what I might see. My mom would spend nights at the hospital, sleeping at my dad's bedside or
in the waiting room. Me and brother stayed at my Aunt Shelli's house. The day after my dad was put on life
support, I finally got to see him. He had a tube down his throat and a machine connected to him. He had to
wear this breathing mask. He kept taking it off but my mom would put it back on; He'd just take it off again.
"You need to wear this to breathe, baby. Please.", she said trying to put the mask on his face again. He looked
so helpless. I wanted to fall to my knees and scream but I didn't...Not yet. We tried to touch his hands but he'd
pull away cause of the bruises the needles had brought from drawing blood and injecting medicines. He couldn't
talk to me or do anything; He looked so disabled. The family was leaving the room when a nurse ran after my brother
and said, "Is your name Matthew?" He nodded his head and she said, "Your father said, 'Matthew'." The nurse was
so amazed for you cant talk on life support. It was so magical. Later, My brother came outside and we sat around
in front of the hospital and talked about so many things. We knew what we'd be soon to face.

That night I went to my Aunt's house again. It was there...I was saved. I opened my heart to god
and prayed for him to keep my father safe. Not have him live, but keep him safe. If I had prayed for my
father's survival and it didn't happen, It'd make things so much worse. I ended up crying myself to sleep.
I woke up and went into the living room, finding my brother and my two cousins about to watch 'The
Emperors New Groove'. I sat down as they started the movie. I remember the phone ringing and my Aunt's
face and how I knew it scared me. After hanging up, all she could say was, "Come on Maggie and Matt."
She said this with tears filling her eyes. I wanted to scream. I was yelling, "Is he dead! Oh god, Please dont
tell me he's dead!" I was going insane cause she could bearly speak. It was later I found out he was still
alive, but regardless...It was time to say goodbye. Most of the family was at the hospital, but my Aunt
Debbie and cousin Chase were still on their way to Georgia. We were taken into a waiting room and
talked to by a preacher...I remember him telling us that there was nothing they could do. His organs were
shutting down from his years of drinking. His organs were damaged and shutting down...and soon, It'd be
his heart. The preacher read us scriptures from the bible and told us things only I couldn't understand. All
I could hear as he talked was, "He's going to be leaving soon." When we returned to my dad's room we
had Beatles playing...his favorite band. My Aunt Sheryl smiled at him and said, "You know, Matthew is
turning sixteen tomorrow." My dad tried so hard to smile and tears just started flowing from my eyes.

So much happened that morning. It all came down to a choice. The doctors explained that my
dad is soon to have a heart attack. We could keep him with us another hour, and He'd leave with pain
or we could pull the plug...and he'd die quick and painless. We wanted to keep him longer for my Aunt
Debbie and Chase were only two hours away but we refuse to let my dad die in pain. It was time for my
dad to leave. We all came in the room and circled my father holding hands. The preacher held a cup in
his hand and drew a cross with the holy water on my father's forehead. He was being baptized. We all
started to pray. I opened my eyes and saw my Aunt Sheryl with her eyes open too. We looked down at
my dad and tears were falling out of his eyes for the first time. It was at that moment he knew...It felt so
horrible to know he knew...but he did. It was that moment he realized he was going to die. My Aunt whipped
the tears from his face. We all kissed my dad one last time. It was time. We were sent into a nearby room as
they were about to end my father's life, the little he had of it. I remember my mom holding me and me yelling,
"He's in a better place! He's in a better place!", over and over. After all was done, we returned to his room and
I saw my dad's body...So lifeless and cold. My mom ran her fingers through his hair and kissed his forehead. I went
over to him and gave my last kiss to that face I'd never see ever again but in photos.

I remember my last birthday spent with my father; how he bought me a present
and gave it to me early. It was a barbie I already had and he wanted to take it back and get me a different one but I
wouldn't let him. I loved it anyways. My dad missed my brother's sixteenth birthday by only twelve hours...but trust me,
he was there all along. Life got hard...and harder. The memorial service was so full of tears but also happiness for it was
a celebration of his life. My father was cremated. On his cremation box it reads, "Rex Allen Cruea; October 30th, 1948;
July 30th, 2001; Loving Husband, Father, and Brother." It is so beautiful...It sits on our entertainment system. I admite...
I talk to it every now and then. 5th grade was starting later that year for me...It was at open house my mom told me that
my dad had been sick for years. He'd been sick for three years from drinking; He was supposed to have his legs amputated
cause the circulation was cut from the amount of alcohol consumed over the years but suddenly, he got better. "It was
a miracle", my mom told me. Bearly a year later, my mom fell in love again. She married him giving me a stepdad and two
stepbrothers. Life changed so drasically. My brother and mom would fight constantly...Then as I got older, It turned into
'Me' and my mom fighting constantly. I tried to kill myself, I started smoking, I was almost sent to jail. I was ruining my life
before I even turned thirteen. I lost friends, made bad ones, lost them again. I was hurting myself, losing faith and the only
people who were keeping me alive were My family and Katie. When I turned thirteen my mom found somethings I wrote
and saved from my years of pain. It was horrific. We all needed help. I almost failed fifth grade, almost failed sixth, and
finally...I did fail seventh. It was those years I decided that I need to change my life around. People helped me greatly.

I made new friends and they got me through. Some were bad news...but later in life, I decided it was better
to throw out the trash set of good friends I had and settle for my ONE bestfriend. She's all I needed. Everyone else was
just another push onto a better life. Me and my mom's fights settled down and life got easier. In April of 2005 my Aunt
Sheryl and Uncle Chris brought me and my brother to Disney World for my birthday. It was amazing. It was later that
year on the 22nd of September, my Aunt Sheryl called the family and said she had kicked my Uncle Chris out of the house.
It wasent the first time but sadly, It would be the last. September 23rd, 2005 at 1am, My uncle shot himself in his truck in
a park in Indiana. We believe it was cause he had been on drugs but his family blames my Aunt Sheryl. It's horrible.
Finding out he died after I had just seen him a few months before was crushing. I woke up and said Good Morning to my
mom. After getting out of the restroom, I was going to get some cereal but my mom called me into her room. She started
going on about how my Aunt called and it had to do with Uncle Chris and I just knew. It took me a while to be able to
think properly after that. I started feeling a want to die again and It wasent helping. In December, My aunt didn't want to
spend Christmas alone, for it would be her first without Chris; So, Me and my brother took a plane to Indiana. My mom
claimed when I got back...I'd be seeing a phyciatrist. As of today, I still do. Later on I was put on the depression medicine
called 'Wellbutrin'. It's really helping me alot. I feel better and more happy. I changed my life around and it took five years to
really feel I'm doing something right with my life. Me and Katie are closer than ever; Me and my Mom are more Mother-Daughterly
to eachother; and I'm warmed up to my stepdad. He's a good guy; I'm glad he married my mom. They never fight and they are
just way too perfect...It's kind of cute.

Well...this was my life and how It's changed. It shows how I've grown from a young girl, into a woman.
I thank everyone who got me to where I am today. I feel I've got things to live for; many things. It feels good to know
you have people to love and without question, you know they love you back. Of course, theres always things about
your life you leave out, that are most likely important but somethings are better not said. For example, we thought my
dad stopped drinking but after his death, in his car were empty vodka bottles he had hidden. It didn't make me think
any less of my dad...He had a problem. Once again, somethings are better left unsaid. Thank you for your time and
reading my life; I hope you've enjoyed reading. Dont feel sorry for me, cause I'm happy. I miss my dad to death but
some people just have to go. I always wish I could see his face again cause It's hard to remember from being so young
but I just look at a picture of him and It reminds me of his happy life of a rock star who was loved so dearly.
This is dedicated biography is dedicated to my father and my uncle; Thank you." After she finished she ran out of the class crying. Everyone in class was crying too. I was balling. I ran after her.