FicWad

TITLE: At a Loss
AUTHOR: Quicksilvermad
RATING: T (rating may change)
SPOILERS: Episodes I, II, and III
DISCLAIMER: George Lucas is sole owner of all things Star Wars. I merely own some DVDs, a few action figures, and an Obi-Wan Unleashed statue. If I did own Star Wars, the prequels would have ended up a lot different.
DISTRIBUTION: FF.net, here, Restless; and whoever wants it can have it. Just ask.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yes, it's Obidala. I'm just writing the trilogy how /I /wanted to see it. Well, me and my best friend. The title comes from a line in a Relient K song that made me think of the "could-have-been" relationship between Obi-Wan and Padme.


/PART I: Over Thinking/
/ /
He sensed the disturbance two days before the Jedi Council assigned him. It was a darkness that struck close to his heart for some reason, and Obi-Wan faced the Council with a sense of apprehension.

They'd sent him on a mission to Naboo-as per request from Senator Amidala's security detail. Apparently, she'd been attacked by a Sith Lord. Obi-Wan's track record with holding his own against such evil withstanding, the Senator's security advisor had chosen Obi-Wan by name.

Flying to Naboo, Obi-Wan had plenty of time to dwell on his reasons for accepting the orders as quickly as he did. And without arguing over what this would do to Anakin's training.

The main (and most confusing) reason was the mere idea of seeing his good friend Padme again. And talking with her face to face as opposed to over the grainy commlink channels they normally used.

After Qui-Gon's funeral, he and the young Queen had spent a long time simply talking and became such fast friends in the aftermath of battle and hardship that Obi-Wan could hardly recall a time when he didn't know her. He couldn't think of the precise moment it happened, but when he was around her he didn't feel self-conscious.

It had been seven years since he'd seen the Senator in person. He was quite looking forward to it (despite the circumstances).

Anakin had been looking forward to it as well until he found out that his Master was to go alone. Obi-Wan was sure he sensed a thread of jealousy from his Padawan and at the time he felt a laugh rise in him that he was forced to suppress. But now, as he thought about it, there was nothing amusing about Anakin's infatuation with Padme. It was dangerous.

With Anakin's tenuous grip on controlling his emotions-such an attachment would undoubtedly lead to jealousy and anger so fast that... Obi-Wan did not want to dwell on it. Anakin's power coupled with his impetuousness and impulsiveness was a dangerous mix.

Sometimes his apprentice frightened him.

Obi-Wan cursed out loud at the direction his thoughts were taken and he tightened his grip on the steering yoke. Naboo was just within comm range and he opened a channel. While requesting clearance to land Obi-Wan idly wondered how much Senator Amidala had changed over the past seven years.

*

At the moment, Padme was wondering the same thing about Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi. She was surrounded by her bodyguards and security advisors and yet she might as well have been all alone. Padme was so used to being swamped by people that she didn't even notice it some of the time.

Despite the fact that so many trusted people were around her, Padme was anxious. And in a good way. She never thought that she'd feel that way in her lifetime.

Obi-Wan Kenobi was just minutes away at the Theed spaceport running a quick systems check on his Y-wing.

She couldn't wait to see his face. In fact, she was so busy anticipating his arrival that she almost missed it.

Captain Typho's voice gradually broke through the fog of her thoughts.

"...cut into her vacation time. You'll be staying by her side at all times-"

"Oh," Padme jerked in her seat and stood suddenly. Obi-Wan unfolded his arms and greeted her with the most charming smile she'd ever seen. "I'm sorry! My brain was floating out somewhere near the Outer Rim!"

Obi-Wan gently took one of her outstretched hands between his palms and gave a slightly affectionate squeeze. "I understand," he said.

When he released her hand Padme dismissed the room full of security agents and body guards with a wave. Once they all left, Padme grinned and threw her arms about the Jedi Master's neck. Obi-Wan let out a surprised grunt but managed to hug her in return before she backed off a bit.

"It's so good to see you again, Obi-Wan!"

He thought the grin on her face might split it in two.

"It's good to see you as well," he responded.

Padme sat down again and brushed a hand across her brow. "I wish the circumstances were better," she said.

Obi-Wan sat beside her. "My sentiments exactly," he agreed. After a moment, he leaned back against the sofa and ran his fingertips across the stubble of his jaw. Padme took his distraction as an opportunity to give him a good, long, appreciative stare.

His hair was longer and finger-combed off his brow in a way that would seem sloppy if it was anyone else. But Padme thought the look suited him quite nicely. The longer she looked at him, the more she thought him quite handsome. Her eyes dipped down to his unshaved chin. /If a bit on the scruffy side... /she thought.

"So your security detail suggested that I take you out to the house in the lake country," he said abruptly.

Padme jerked again at the interruption. It took her a moment to recall what he said and she nodded. "That's a good idea."

Obi-Wan stood from the sofa and held a hand before her. Confused, Padme took his palm into her own-and, with a slight tug, was pulled to her feet.

His hand lingered in hers for a moment.

"It's better to get going as soon as possible."

Just as Padme was getting used to the sensation of her small hand enveloped in Obi-Wan's secure, warm, calloused grip, he released her and swept his arms in the direction of her room.

"If you would pack anything you'll need-"

Padme nodded her head. "It's fine. The house is stocked. You want to leave now?"

Obi-Wan nodded as well. "Yes."

Padme adjusted her dress and smiled warmly at him. "Good!" on impulse she grabbed his hand again. "Come on, then. Dorme and Corde have a speeder ready outside."

*

It was late when they arrived at the lake house. After a quick check inside, Obi-Wan excused himself outdoors for a while. As Padme and her two handmaidens made certain that everything was working and in good order, Obi-Wan went through the same rigorous training exercises he did every evening.

Right outside the kitchen window.

Dorme and Corde were derailed in their efforts to make dinner by the sight of Jedi Master Kenobi... sweaty... hot... and powerful. As soon as he stopped, the two women hurried to busy themselves with cooking. Padme, however, had missed the entire "show" and was slightly confused when Obi-Wan returned to the house drenched in sweat.

He was mopping at his brow with the sleeve of his outer tunic and looking around with the same slightly confused look that Padme was sporting. Corde, carrying a platter of sliced fruit, pointed at a hallway with her free hand.

"Your room is just down that hall. There's a fresher in it. If you leave out your clothes Dorme and I can clean them for you," she said.

Obi-Wan smiled slightly and followed her directions. As he sauntered off to his room, Padme and Corde enjoyed the view. After several moments Padme caught herself and turned away with a blush. Corde, on the other hand, continued to watch until he disappeared through his door.

"What was he...?" Padme asked, not sure how to finish her question.

Corde smirked indulgently. "You missed it. He was outside doing something extraordinary with a training droid."

Padme glanced back down the hallway and turned back to her friend. Corde was waggling her eyebrows.

"Why don't you grab his clothes? After all-Dorme and I aren't done making dinner..." Corde winked and walked back in the direction of the kitchen.

At an utter loss, Padme could only stare.

*

As soon as the hot jet of water hit the back of his neck, Obi-Wan let out a low groan of satisfaction. He had almost been tempted to fill up the large tub, but decided that it would be just rude. After all, Corde and Dorme had already finished most of dinner. To make them all wait just to he could relax... That would be wrong.

He sighed and grabbed a bar of soap to lather up; and after he cleaned most of the sweat and grime away, his hand scraped across his jaw line.

Thus began the search for a straight razor. Still in the shower, Obi-Wan craned his neck and opened the cabinet above the sink with a little Force persuasion. Lucky for him, Padme's father left one lying around. With a small satisfied grin, Obi-Wan levitated the razor across the room and caught it.

He hadn't shaved in a while, so when he passed the razor up the line of his lathered chin for the first time, it felt like a weight was being lifted off his face. He was almost tempted to bask in the sensation longer when he remembered the smell that had been wafting from the kitchen when he'd returned from his training.

Food...

Obi-Wan quickly finished shaving and shut the water off harshly. He wrapped a towel around his waist, and with another delightfully fluffy towel he rubbed his hair free off excess water. He was halfway back into the bedroom when he realized he wasn't alone.

There, in the open doorway, stood Padme. His now-clean clothes were clutched in her white-knuckled hands and Obi-Wan sensed a flicker of fear from her. There was a brief second in which he got lost in the sight of her gaping at him like a goober fish. Obi-Wan honestly tried to suppress his amused grin, but his cheeks wouldn't have it. And neither would his throat, apparently, because that indulgent laugh did just come from him.

"Sorry, did I startle you?" he asked.

Padme quickly regained control over her mouth and aimed a frustrated look at him.

"Yes," she all but snarled.

With the end of the towel he'd used to dry his hair, Obi-Wan caught the moisture dripping off his chin. "Sorry," he apologized.

Padme shoved his clothes at him. "Well, get dressed. Dinner's ready."

Rather awkwardly, Obi-Wan took the garments from her. As soon as they were out of her hands, Padme fled the room before he got a chance to see the new shade of red that her cheeks invented.

*

Padme had begged Dorme and Corde to eat at the table with them during dinner. After the odd moment in Obi-Wan's room she felt she'd be more comfortable around him if two of her friends were with her. Of course, her so-called friends managed to point out what she'd been trying to ignore.

"Master Kenobi," Corde gushed, "you found a razor."

Obi-Wan slid a hand across his smooth jaw and smiled slightly.

"A wise decision-shaving," said Dorme, "especially with the incredibly humid summer months on Naboo. If you'd left that facial hair on, you'd have probably melted."

He laughed again. Padme wanted to shoot her so-called friends

"I think this look suits you better," Corde added.

In her sleep, /Padme thought, /I will shoot her in her sleep!

Padme halted all conversation by digging into her entree with violence. Getting the underlying promise of such a treatment to their own persons, Dorme and Corde wisely began eating. Obi-Wan, wondering at the oddness of the female sex, reached out a little tendril of awareness to catch what Padme was feeling. Frustration, anger, and annoyance slammed against his forehead and before he shut down the connection, Obi-Wan caught a small amount of embarrassment.

What does she feel embarrassed about? he wondered.

Conversation forgotten, the four of them settled into their meals. Padme gratefully poured herself an excessive amount of wine and welcomed the light-headed buzzing sensation that came with it. She was about to pour herself another glass when the bottle levitated across the entire table and landed in Obi-Wan's palm.

"I think you've had enough," he said.

Padme wondered if he knew he was moving around so much. She watched his wobbly form pour a glass of wine for himself. Dorme and Corde took note of her roving eyes and excused themselves to the dirty dishes in the kitchen. Padme didn't even seem to notice.

"How'djou make it into th' cup?" she slurred. Trying to appear in control, she leaned her chin onto her palm and missed.

"You're drunk," Obi-Wan stated. He drained his own cup but didn't refill it.

"Nu-uh," Padme jerked her chin off the tabletop and made to stand.

Thinking quick, Obi-Wan stood from his own chair and stopped her from getting up too fast. Padme was suddenly confused to find her momentum halted by two hands. One gently gripped her elbow, and the other was spread-palm-warm-against her shoulder blades.

"Not so fast, m'lady," he warned. "Take it slow. I'll help you to your room."

"Ugh," Padme groused. She let him lift her slowly but staggered as the room began to tilt. Dizzy, Padme shook the elbow in Obi-Wan's grasp and scrambled to grab his hand.

"Calm down," he said.

"I'm calm," Padme excused. "Just stop the room from moving."

Obi-Wan just sighed and gripped her hand. "Just close your eyes."

In Padme's mind, this whole thing was a bad idea. She blamed Corde. Somehow, this was all her fault. No matter whose fault it was, Padme still closed her eyes and allowed the Jedi Master to lead her to her bedroom. After a few shaky steps, Padme heard the decompressing-air sound of a door sliding open.

"Here you are," Obi-Wan announced. Padme opened her eyes and was thrown even more off-kilter by the pitch darkness surrounding her. Vaguely, through the buzzing in her ears, she heard Obi-Wan call out for lights at twenty percent. For a moment, Padme thought it very keen of him to do such a thing.

"Need any more help?" he asked.

Padme's hand twitched in his grip. "No... I think I'll be fine," she took a slow breath.

Obi-Wan squeezed her hand slightly and then let go. His opposite hand disappeared from her back, and Padme was left feeling slightly cold. She head the soles of his boots impact the stone floor several times but he stopped unexpectedly.

"Good night, Padme," he said.

Still facing her bed, Padme blushed. "Goodnight, Obi-Wan."

Her door slid shut and obscured the sound of his footsteps as they moved further down the hall. As Padme slowly dressed for bed, she couldn't erase the ghost-like sensation of his large, warm palm flat on the top of her spine.

*

Three weeks passed without the slightest glimpse of any Sith activities. The awkwardness between Obi-Wan and Padme that had arisen after the first night had vanished soon after. After his nightly security check, Obi-Wan would go outside and sharpen his skills even further. Padme even tried to get him to start target practice with a blaster (though he did complain that is was an inelegant weapon) by showing off her own targeting skills. After she showed him just how effective a blaster was, Obi-Wan conceded.

Because no self-respecting warrior-be he Jedi or not-would limit himself to one weapon.

Not surprisingly, Obi-Wan picked it up rather quickly. And to Padme's delight he lent her his lightsaber and taught her a basic kata.

"You could make your own lightsaber," he suggested-then holstered the blaster he'd been using.

Padme powered down the one she had on loan and turned to face his back. "But I'm not a Jedi-I'm not even that Force sensitive."

Obi-Wan shifted his feet to meet her eyes. "But you are Force sensitive. And you are getting quite talented with the blade."

"Not as much as you."

Obi-Wan laughed then-hard enough that he doubled over and gasped for breath.

Padme, slightly offended (and overjoyed that she got to see him laugh like this), cocked one hip and adopted a pose she had often seen her mother do. "What is so funny, mister?"

He coughed a little and tried very hard to bring himself under control. In all honesty, her comment had a loose double meaning that he should not have thought of but did nevertheless.

Frustrated, Padme slapped him on the back-hard.

That cut through his amusement rather fast. "Ow!" he shouted.

Padme clucked her tongue and returned to her "mom" stance. "Come on. I didn't hit you that hard."

Obi-Wan coughed again. "Still hurt."

"It doesn't matter. What was so funny?"

Obi-Wan quickly thought up a legitimate excuse. "Well, I've been training with that weapon for my entire life-"

Humor and throbbing palm forgotten, Padme's stern eyes melted. "Your whole life?" she asked.

Obi-Wan straightened up and shrugged. "Yes, my whole life. What's wrong?"

"You mean you don't know your parents? You've never done all those youngling things?"

He shrugged again. "No..."

Padme grabbed his elbow and started to lead him back inside. "Do you even know who your parents are?"

Obi-Wan shook his head negatively. "No. The only thing that I know about my life before the Jedi Order is that my name was a lot simpler."

He tried not to notice how her arms wounds its way through his. How her fingertips played along the lines of his palm...

"What was it?" she asked.

"Ben."

Out of the corner of his eye, Obi-Wan saw Padme smile. "It fits you," she said. After a moment, she turned her head to stare at his chin. "Have you ever told anyone else?"

Circulated air cooled the sweat on his face and Obi-Wan let out a small sigh. "Qui-Gon knew. And Master Yoda. But outside the Jedi Temple, you are the first to know."

Padme smiled suddenly and stopped him in the foyer. He was about to ask her why, but found himself in the process of sprouting a new limb.

"Wha?" he murmured.

Face pressed against the drenched undershirt that Obi-Wan was wearing, Padme started to laugh-much like he had laughed earlier.

With her ear pushed against his chest, Padme heard him take a deep breath. "Now what's funny?" his voice rumbled through her, and she felt the same strange buzz that she usually got from drinking too much Nubian wine. Padme liked the feeling before... and in this context, she enjoyed it even more.

In any case, it halted her laughter rather quickly. "I don't know," she admitted. "I just feel very privileged for some reason," Padme backed off a little but didn't break contact with him.

"Can I call you Ben?" she asked.

Obi-Wan met her gaze for a moment, and Padme watched his eyes lighten. "Sure," he said, and started walking toward his room.

Padme brushed her humidity-curled hair off her forehead and the back of her neck. Watching his figure move further away from her, she let out the breath she'd been holding for his answer.

Oddly enough, that drunk buzz was still afflicting her.

*

It happened well after everyone retired for the evening. The building was silent except for the light footsteps that landed on the inside of a forgotten window-the swish of a heavy robe across the icy floor.

There was a pause-the holding of a breath to make certain no one else was moving. Satisfied, he stretched out his senses and found the Senator-dreaming.

He shed his robe and groped his belt for his weapon. Before the robe hit the floor with the barest of whispers, he was ready for any form of combat.

No sound answered him.

He waited another moment before he slinked through the room and down the hallway. He stepped in front of the Senator's room, took a deep breath, and acted.

Padme's door shot open and her room was bathed in the white-red light of a Sith saber. The sudden onslaught of noise woke her. Her first instinct happened to be the smartest.

Clad only in her sleeping gown, Padme shot out of bed, grabbed the blaster she kept on her nightstand, and fired. The Sith easily deflected her shots.

"Ben!" she shouted.

The Sith ignored her cry. Too focused on his mark, he did not hear the door slide open across the hall-nor did he hear the slap of bare feet on cold marble-but he did react to the snap-hiss of a lightsaber igniting behind him.

He pivoted to block Obi-Wan's fluid slash. The Jedi reacted much faster than the Sith expected-flipping over his opponent in an attempt to slice his head off. The Sith almost didn't have time to block the strike.

From that moment onward, Obi-Wan had the advantage. He forced his opponent out of the room with a machine-precise measured calm fury that the Sith had not expected. He didn't think a Jedi would be able to battle the Dark Side with such coolness. Icy cold eyes... Cold blue blade...

The Sith hesitated-afraid-and Obi-Wan caught the opening. Obi-Wan's blade came in a horizontal slash that separated the Sith's head from his shoulders.

Obi-Wan stared at the corpse and disengaged his lightsaber.

Padme, clutching a hand over her heart, stared at his bare back until he turned around.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

She could only stare at him. Obi-Wan wasn't even out of breath... he wiped perspiration from his brow with his forearm and looked back down at the fallen Sith Lord.

Suddenly, Padme could hardly breathe. She gasped for air, but it wasn't enough.

Obi-Wan crossed the floor in a blink and caught her before she fell. "Padme, calm down. Take a deep breath-that's it. Let it out slow."

He was holding her like she was nothing more than a feather. He supported her dead weight with rock-solid strength and resolve.

"You're safe now. You're fine. I've got you," he hugged her to him and smoothed her hair. "I've got you," he whispered.

She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. All she heard was the thrum of his heart and the rumble of his voice as he spoke. Reassuring her. Telling the others not to worry. Telling them it was safe.

"Ben," she whispered. You /have /got me.

His free arm slid under her knees and he lifted her-his chest rumbled against her ear again as he told either Dorme or Corde that he'd take care of the Senator and to go back to sleep-we'd clean it up in the morning.

Padme felt her body sink further into his arms-if it was possible-as Obi-Wan carried her into her own room. He settled her on the bed, and she felt a coldness drape around her once he let go. He'd almost left her bedside completely when her fingertips ghosted across the back of his hand.

"Don't leave..."

He seemed to struggle with himself for an eternity. Padme was almost afraid that he'd walk away...

Instead of doing that, Obi-Wan pulled the covers up over her shoulders and sat down beside her on the top sheet. He moved to brace himself against the headboard and curled one arm around her head. The coldness left Padme when his hand rested on her bare shoulder.

Obi-Wan honestly didn't think he'd be able to fall asleep, but he did. With a beautiful woman who trusted him curled against his side.

The moment before he drifted off, the Jedi Code couldn't have been further from his mind.

*

In deep meditation, Darth Sidious felt his apprentice's life end at the hands of Jedi Master Kenobi. With a dark smile, the Sith knew that his pawn had played his part in the larger scheme of things. He'd heard the way that young Skywalker spoke of Senator Amidala. This plan he'd set into motion would be the greatest, most elaborate undertaking Sidious had ever designed.

It was all so perfect.



To be continued...

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