Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Love is Only Love
Pete woke up a few hours later and smiled to himself when he saw Ryan settled comfortably next to him. The memories of what had happened were still fresh and it made Pete feel dizzy.
Suddenly he wanted nothing more then to run. He didn't know what he would say to Ryan when he woke up, he just realized that this was never going to work out the way they always hoped it would. He couldn't deny that he was in love with the kid, but he could also never bring himself to say it out loud to anyone. With the exception of Brendon, but he attributed that to the mess in his mind.
Very carefully, Pete slid out of the opposite side of the bed and hunted around for his shirt and pants, sliding them on quickly. He was about to leave when he turned once more to look at Ryan's sleeping frame. He took it in, the way his hair was stuck out in all directions, he hadn't washed the product out of it and it looked like a mess. He took in the way Ryan's long fingers draped across his own stomach and watched them move up and down with his breathing for a minute.
Pete suddenly felt guilty, just leaving the boy high and dry, so he quietly walked to the desk in the corner of the room and sat down, pondering for a second what exactly he was going to tell him. He glanced at Ryan once more who shifted in his sleep and propped his hands under his head and curled up a little more, yanking the blankets up to his neck. Pete smiled and put his pen to the paper and just let it all flow.
Dear Ryan,
This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to write. I'm sorry to leave you like this, but you know this can't happen. Last night meant everything to me, but I think it's best to leave it at that. It's best to leave with the knowledge that we were all that mattered for a least one moment in time. I won't ever forget the feelings you showed me, something I know I will never get back again, this is really the hardest part. I wish I had the guts to stay around for you forever, but I just don't think I could handle it. I know what heartbreak feels like and I never wanted to put you trough that, especially because of me, but I don't think I could ever be exactly who you want me to be. You deserve nothing but the best in your life and in love and I could never amount to all that you deserve. I know this may sound like bullshit now, but you have to know that I'm trying to do what's best for me in the end. I want you to never forget what we had here, but I also want you to move on and realize that all I want is for everything to be okay. Please forgive me.
Always,
Pete
Pete sighed as he reread the letter. He didn't know what else he could possibly put in it, so he left it sit. Quietly he shoved all of belongings back into his suitcases. He took one final look at Ryan and smiled. He walked over to him and knelt down beside the bed. He carefully placed his lips on the Ryan's and let in linger for a moment, before realizing that now he actually had to leave him, forever. Ryan shifted, and Pete bolted, thinking he was going to wake up. He let the door shut softly behind him and took a deep breath. Pete grabbed his bags and began to drag them down the hall to the elevator. Pete glanced back at the room once more; half hoping Ryan would come out and stop him from leaving, but when the elevator opened Pete realized that it was over, nothing more could come of it.
He waited outside for his driver to come pick him up and take him to the airport. He sat on his bags and played with his own fingers, his mind reeling from what was happening.
"Pete?" he looked up to see Brendon approaching him with Jon in tow. Jon was about to approach Pete when Brendon stopped him and told him to go inside, he wanted to take care of it. Jon nodded, Brendon had known Ryan longer anyway and Jon really felt like he was just going to punch the shit out of Pete anyway.
"So you are just going to leave?" Brendon asked, approaching Pete. He stood up and nodded.
"I got a call for an emergency meeting at Fueled. I have to go," he said, studying his shoes. Brendon nodded, but wasn't buying a word of it.
"You should at least stay and talk to him, explain why you are leaving. You're going to hurt him by doing it this way," Brendon said. Pete nodded again solemnly.
"Don't you think I know that? There is just nothing left to say or do, okay? There is nothing more to discuss and I can't think of the words to make it okay. We made love and it happened, but that's it. There is nothing more and there will be nothing more because there can't be. It's just...it's going to happen. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up," Pete replied, sitting back down on his suitcase. Brendon stared at him in awe.
"His hopes up? Pete, you let him believe you loved him back, but you're just leaving? You are wrong, man. Way wrong. You can't do this to him," Brendon said, trying to keep his tone down but feeling anger rise inside him. Pete sighed and peered up at Brendon.
"Just drop it. You should go get him before someone finds him in there. I left him a note, he can read it or not. I'll see around," Pete said, standing as he saw his car pull up. Brendon glanced at the car, then back at Pete and shook his head. He couldn't believe he was running away from all of this. Brendon thought about how this was supposed to me an amazing time for them, how they were supposed to be celebrating their win the other night and the fact that they had finally achieved what they set out to do, but here was Pete, ruining everything. Pete waved at Brendon before he shut the door and the car drove off without another word from anybody.
Suddenly he wanted nothing more then to run. He didn't know what he would say to Ryan when he woke up, he just realized that this was never going to work out the way they always hoped it would. He couldn't deny that he was in love with the kid, but he could also never bring himself to say it out loud to anyone. With the exception of Brendon, but he attributed that to the mess in his mind.
Very carefully, Pete slid out of the opposite side of the bed and hunted around for his shirt and pants, sliding them on quickly. He was about to leave when he turned once more to look at Ryan's sleeping frame. He took it in, the way his hair was stuck out in all directions, he hadn't washed the product out of it and it looked like a mess. He took in the way Ryan's long fingers draped across his own stomach and watched them move up and down with his breathing for a minute.
Pete suddenly felt guilty, just leaving the boy high and dry, so he quietly walked to the desk in the corner of the room and sat down, pondering for a second what exactly he was going to tell him. He glanced at Ryan once more who shifted in his sleep and propped his hands under his head and curled up a little more, yanking the blankets up to his neck. Pete smiled and put his pen to the paper and just let it all flow.
Dear Ryan,
This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to write. I'm sorry to leave you like this, but you know this can't happen. Last night meant everything to me, but I think it's best to leave it at that. It's best to leave with the knowledge that we were all that mattered for a least one moment in time. I won't ever forget the feelings you showed me, something I know I will never get back again, this is really the hardest part. I wish I had the guts to stay around for you forever, but I just don't think I could handle it. I know what heartbreak feels like and I never wanted to put you trough that, especially because of me, but I don't think I could ever be exactly who you want me to be. You deserve nothing but the best in your life and in love and I could never amount to all that you deserve. I know this may sound like bullshit now, but you have to know that I'm trying to do what's best for me in the end. I want you to never forget what we had here, but I also want you to move on and realize that all I want is for everything to be okay. Please forgive me.
Always,
Pete
Pete sighed as he reread the letter. He didn't know what else he could possibly put in it, so he left it sit. Quietly he shoved all of belongings back into his suitcases. He took one final look at Ryan and smiled. He walked over to him and knelt down beside the bed. He carefully placed his lips on the Ryan's and let in linger for a moment, before realizing that now he actually had to leave him, forever. Ryan shifted, and Pete bolted, thinking he was going to wake up. He let the door shut softly behind him and took a deep breath. Pete grabbed his bags and began to drag them down the hall to the elevator. Pete glanced back at the room once more; half hoping Ryan would come out and stop him from leaving, but when the elevator opened Pete realized that it was over, nothing more could come of it.
He waited outside for his driver to come pick him up and take him to the airport. He sat on his bags and played with his own fingers, his mind reeling from what was happening.
"Pete?" he looked up to see Brendon approaching him with Jon in tow. Jon was about to approach Pete when Brendon stopped him and told him to go inside, he wanted to take care of it. Jon nodded, Brendon had known Ryan longer anyway and Jon really felt like he was just going to punch the shit out of Pete anyway.
"So you are just going to leave?" Brendon asked, approaching Pete. He stood up and nodded.
"I got a call for an emergency meeting at Fueled. I have to go," he said, studying his shoes. Brendon nodded, but wasn't buying a word of it.
"You should at least stay and talk to him, explain why you are leaving. You're going to hurt him by doing it this way," Brendon said. Pete nodded again solemnly.
"Don't you think I know that? There is just nothing left to say or do, okay? There is nothing more to discuss and I can't think of the words to make it okay. We made love and it happened, but that's it. There is nothing more and there will be nothing more because there can't be. It's just...it's going to happen. He shouldn't have gotten his hopes up," Pete replied, sitting back down on his suitcase. Brendon stared at him in awe.
"His hopes up? Pete, you let him believe you loved him back, but you're just leaving? You are wrong, man. Way wrong. You can't do this to him," Brendon said, trying to keep his tone down but feeling anger rise inside him. Pete sighed and peered up at Brendon.
"Just drop it. You should go get him before someone finds him in there. I left him a note, he can read it or not. I'll see around," Pete said, standing as he saw his car pull up. Brendon glanced at the car, then back at Pete and shook his head. He couldn't believe he was running away from all of this. Brendon thought about how this was supposed to me an amazing time for them, how they were supposed to be celebrating their win the other night and the fact that they had finally achieved what they set out to do, but here was Pete, ruining everything. Pete waved at Brendon before he shut the door and the car drove off without another word from anybody.
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