Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > The Bass Files: Parallel Universe
This ain´t good (grammar... again)
7 reviewsThings are getting ready for the grand finale which will combine both universes in one last chapter. Yes, I´m glad it´s over soon, too.
1Original
35. This ain´t good (grammar... again) *
"Hey, Ms Scully! You got your cast off," Dakota Virginia Jersey* blurted out as I entered the classroom. I smiled weakly at the 12.5% of the Unites States packed in a little girl and started to hand out corrected homework assignments.
"Ms Scully, why did you cross out ain´t in my text?" Milo demanded.
"Well, Milo, ain´t isn´t something you should use when writing something for school. It´s more something you can use when you speak, you know?"
He looked confused, "But yesterday my sister was watching this show and there was this band and they played this song called ´This ain´t a scene, it´s-..."
"Look, there´s school language and there´s MTV language. Until Carson Daily comes waltzing into the classroom and sends me falling off a ladder** I´m asking you to use isn´t or aren´t and not /ain´t/, ok?" I interrupted the eager boy.
If I had been a better teacher I wouldn´t have let last night´s fight with Andy get to me and I wouldn´t have taken it out on the poor guy who just wanted to know why he couldn´t use the word.
This ain´t right... Oh, bad grammar AND wrong tense.
_ _ _ _ _
I checked the display on my cell phone before I answered. "Hi, Mom."
"Hi, honey. Just wondered how you were doing? I haven´t heard from you in a while."
That´s right. I was busy being frustrated with Andy and seeing Joyce abusing Patrick.
"Sorry, Mom."
"Nevermind. Oh... hold on," obviously she had placed her hand over the receiver because her voice was muffled, "Nate! You´re not leaving the house with pants like these!" Then her voice became louder again, "Can you believe you brother´s wearing pants so low that you can see his underwear?"
I can´t believe that Nate is actually wearing pants in the house. Or underwear. She should see that as progress.
"He´s a teenage boy, Mom," I sighed, getting slightly bored with Mom´s parenting and Nate´s gangsta fashion sense.
"So, how´s Andrew?"
Oh boy... That had to come up eventually.
"He´s good... I think," I almost whispered.
"Speak up, honey. What do you mean, ´you think´?"
"We kinda broke up a couple of days ago... It just didn´t work out well, you know." I wondered how she would react to news like these. I think she was the only person happier than me that I finally had a new boyfriend. And that I was, apparently, straight after all.
Silence.
I gulped, "Mom?"
No response.
"Mom, you´re not crying, are you?"
Sad but true: It´s happened before when my last boyfriend had said goodbye. Actually it was more like "Goodbye, Sheena.... Oh, hello, Audrey!" but let´s not bother with little details.
"I´m so sorry, sweety. Do you wanna talk about it?"
In my mother´s terms ´Do you wanna talk about it?´ translates to ´I wanna know everything about everything that happened.´ If there had been such a thing as footnotes in spoken language, Mom would have greedly devoured them all.*
"Well, we decided to go our separate ways but we´re still on speaking terms. We didn´t have a major fight or anything. It was a civil conversation which made both of us realize that we don´t really fit together but that we wanted to remain friends." I paused. "I hope that works out."
"Ok, sweetie." Then in a muffled voice again, "Nathaniel! Are these MY pants now?!"
I guess Mom could worry about her other kid´s sexual orientation now. I wondered if it started like this with Pete too...
"Look, Sheena," she said to me, "I really gotta talk to your brother. Call me whenever you feel like it, ok?"
"Sure, Mom. Thanks for calling."
"Anytime. Bye, honey."
"Bye, Mom."
Well, that wasn´t too bad after all.
What´s that? You wanna know what happened with Andy? Well, I guess I owe you something because you haven´t made fun of my hair yet. Except for /pinkkissypetefreak/.* You should be locked up in a room with no windows and a scary TV set with Pete Wentz.** But you´d probably like that, you petefreak.
So Andy...
Over the past few weeks we had had more tiffs. About really unimportant things actually. It hadn´t all been unpleasant but eventually we came to realize that perhaps we shouldn´t have hooked up after all. ** I guess in a better world we wouldn´t have.***
As I left my apartment to do some shopping I was thinking about when Andy and I had decided to call it quits.
"Sheena? Are you happy with the way things are developing between us?" he had asked.
I had skewed my lips to one side, "Of course not, Andy. I pictured everything so differently when we got together."
"Do you think we should be together?"
Wasn´t it just great how he asked me questions so I had to be the one who said what she thought as the first one? Vegans...
I had taken some time to reply. Not really because I needed it to think but because I didn´t want to be rude and say it right away. "Maybe not," I had replied softly.
(AH! Goddamn rain! You could always count on Murphy´s Law to kick in when you didn´t bring an umbrella... Really, as if my hair wasn´t frizzy enough already. I better hurry to the store now.)
He had nodded. Not really a sad expression on his face but... he pretty much looked as if he was feeling the same way I did about our relationship.
Then he had smiled at me, "I´glad that we tried it out though."
I had smiled back and had wanted to tell him that I didn´t really regret it. That he had been a really sweet boyfriend - we don´t have to bring up his sexual fantasies anymore, check the review section if you need a shot on that - and that I had had a lot of fun with him. That I wasn´t mad or hurt or anything, that I didn´t think he had done anything wrong. It just wasn´t meant to be. And most of all, I had wanted to let him know that I really didn't want this to affect the friendship we had before.
Yet, all that I could say ways, "I´m glad too, Andy."
But I think he knew how to take that.
____________________
* If you think this is bad check this out: Her sister is called Manitoba Saskatchewan Yukon since their father (Mr. Pat Riot) is Canadian. What do you think aboot that? I´m stupid, eh?
** Parallel Universe Sheena sure has fantastical ideas...
* What a silly idea... covers paper with one hand and quickly takes notes
** I quote a review from November, 5th: "yay! i love gettin some sheena way better than lonely, angsty, sheena. although they have the same hair...;)"
*** Another one of Sheena´s fantastical ideas. Well, doesn´t really surprise me with a mother like hers...
** Love to say I told you so.
*** Can you believe that skank´s complaining? Being God sure isn´t fun all of the time. Good thing I punished her with frizzy hair in advance. Hope it rains soon... ungrateful brat.
"Hey, Ms Scully! You got your cast off," Dakota Virginia Jersey* blurted out as I entered the classroom. I smiled weakly at the 12.5% of the Unites States packed in a little girl and started to hand out corrected homework assignments.
"Ms Scully, why did you cross out ain´t in my text?" Milo demanded.
"Well, Milo, ain´t isn´t something you should use when writing something for school. It´s more something you can use when you speak, you know?"
He looked confused, "But yesterday my sister was watching this show and there was this band and they played this song called ´This ain´t a scene, it´s-..."
"Look, there´s school language and there´s MTV language. Until Carson Daily comes waltzing into the classroom and sends me falling off a ladder** I´m asking you to use isn´t or aren´t and not /ain´t/, ok?" I interrupted the eager boy.
If I had been a better teacher I wouldn´t have let last night´s fight with Andy get to me and I wouldn´t have taken it out on the poor guy who just wanted to know why he couldn´t use the word.
This ain´t right... Oh, bad grammar AND wrong tense.
_ _ _ _ _
I checked the display on my cell phone before I answered. "Hi, Mom."
"Hi, honey. Just wondered how you were doing? I haven´t heard from you in a while."
That´s right. I was busy being frustrated with Andy and seeing Joyce abusing Patrick.
"Sorry, Mom."
"Nevermind. Oh... hold on," obviously she had placed her hand over the receiver because her voice was muffled, "Nate! You´re not leaving the house with pants like these!" Then her voice became louder again, "Can you believe you brother´s wearing pants so low that you can see his underwear?"
I can´t believe that Nate is actually wearing pants in the house. Or underwear. She should see that as progress.
"He´s a teenage boy, Mom," I sighed, getting slightly bored with Mom´s parenting and Nate´s gangsta fashion sense.
"So, how´s Andrew?"
Oh boy... That had to come up eventually.
"He´s good... I think," I almost whispered.
"Speak up, honey. What do you mean, ´you think´?"
"We kinda broke up a couple of days ago... It just didn´t work out well, you know." I wondered how she would react to news like these. I think she was the only person happier than me that I finally had a new boyfriend. And that I was, apparently, straight after all.
Silence.
I gulped, "Mom?"
No response.
"Mom, you´re not crying, are you?"
Sad but true: It´s happened before when my last boyfriend had said goodbye. Actually it was more like "Goodbye, Sheena.... Oh, hello, Audrey!" but let´s not bother with little details.
"I´m so sorry, sweety. Do you wanna talk about it?"
In my mother´s terms ´Do you wanna talk about it?´ translates to ´I wanna know everything about everything that happened.´ If there had been such a thing as footnotes in spoken language, Mom would have greedly devoured them all.*
"Well, we decided to go our separate ways but we´re still on speaking terms. We didn´t have a major fight or anything. It was a civil conversation which made both of us realize that we don´t really fit together but that we wanted to remain friends." I paused. "I hope that works out."
"Ok, sweetie." Then in a muffled voice again, "Nathaniel! Are these MY pants now?!"
I guess Mom could worry about her other kid´s sexual orientation now. I wondered if it started like this with Pete too...
"Look, Sheena," she said to me, "I really gotta talk to your brother. Call me whenever you feel like it, ok?"
"Sure, Mom. Thanks for calling."
"Anytime. Bye, honey."
"Bye, Mom."
Well, that wasn´t too bad after all.
What´s that? You wanna know what happened with Andy? Well, I guess I owe you something because you haven´t made fun of my hair yet. Except for /pinkkissypetefreak/.* You should be locked up in a room with no windows and a scary TV set with Pete Wentz.** But you´d probably like that, you petefreak.
So Andy...
Over the past few weeks we had had more tiffs. About really unimportant things actually. It hadn´t all been unpleasant but eventually we came to realize that perhaps we shouldn´t have hooked up after all. ** I guess in a better world we wouldn´t have.***
As I left my apartment to do some shopping I was thinking about when Andy and I had decided to call it quits.
"Sheena? Are you happy with the way things are developing between us?" he had asked.
I had skewed my lips to one side, "Of course not, Andy. I pictured everything so differently when we got together."
"Do you think we should be together?"
Wasn´t it just great how he asked me questions so I had to be the one who said what she thought as the first one? Vegans...
I had taken some time to reply. Not really because I needed it to think but because I didn´t want to be rude and say it right away. "Maybe not," I had replied softly.
(AH! Goddamn rain! You could always count on Murphy´s Law to kick in when you didn´t bring an umbrella... Really, as if my hair wasn´t frizzy enough already. I better hurry to the store now.)
He had nodded. Not really a sad expression on his face but... he pretty much looked as if he was feeling the same way I did about our relationship.
Then he had smiled at me, "I´glad that we tried it out though."
I had smiled back and had wanted to tell him that I didn´t really regret it. That he had been a really sweet boyfriend - we don´t have to bring up his sexual fantasies anymore, check the review section if you need a shot on that - and that I had had a lot of fun with him. That I wasn´t mad or hurt or anything, that I didn´t think he had done anything wrong. It just wasn´t meant to be. And most of all, I had wanted to let him know that I really didn't want this to affect the friendship we had before.
Yet, all that I could say ways, "I´m glad too, Andy."
But I think he knew how to take that.
____________________
* If you think this is bad check this out: Her sister is called Manitoba Saskatchewan Yukon since their father (Mr. Pat Riot) is Canadian. What do you think aboot that? I´m stupid, eh?
** Parallel Universe Sheena sure has fantastical ideas...
* What a silly idea... covers paper with one hand and quickly takes notes
** I quote a review from November, 5th: "yay! i love gettin some sheena way better than lonely, angsty, sheena. although they have the same hair...;)"
*** Another one of Sheena´s fantastical ideas. Well, doesn´t really surprise me with a mother like hers...
** Love to say I told you so.
*** Can you believe that skank´s complaining? Being God sure isn´t fun all of the time. Good thing I punished her with frizzy hair in advance. Hope it rains soon... ungrateful brat.
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