FicWad

I was so blinded by envy, that i just marched right out of there.
its not like he would notice, he seems pretty content with what hes doing, or will be doing, if you know what i mean.
another girl has never looked at gerard that way, and i didnt like it.
not one bit.

i didnt even get the drink i had ordered, i totally forgot.
i didnt really care, i just wanted to go home and sleep.

i love to sleep. i dont know what it is about a warm comfortable bed, but i just like the security, you know?
sometimes i find it hard to leave my bed. well right now i really just wanted to stay in my bed for the rest of my pathetic life.
.....that was emo, wasnt it? yeah it was. forget i said that.
when i got home i went straight to bed. into a nice...
peaceful...
sleep.


-------------------------------------------------------------------


its been a few weeks since that day at starbucks, and things definitly changed between me and gerard. he didnt really notice me like he used to, he was never around anymore. and when we were all together at school, he seemed somewhat distant.
however, he suprised me, actually all of us, by inviting us over to his house after school today. we agreed, and i caught up with frankie during lunchtime.

"frankie!" i squeezed him in a big bear hug.

"hannah, i love your hugs. but this is a death grippp!" he choked.
i laughed and loosened up. he giggled and kissed my forehead.
we played around all during lunch until we got tired. we layed back into the grass outside bye the tree, a little farther away from the rest of the guys.

"hey frankie?"

"yeah?"

"what do you think gerard's inviting us over for today?"

"i dont know, just to hang out maybe? its about time anyways, he seems sort of distant lately. i miss him." frank sighed.

"yeah. a couple weeks ago we were in starbucks and--"

"you went to starbucks without me?!? youre a mean bitch, you know that?" he giggled, pretending to look hurt.

"willyouletmefinish!?" i said in one breath, a little to quickly.

"geez, yeah go ahead." he smiled obviously amused by my sanity slipping away.

"yeah well, we went to starbucks and he met this girl there, and i think that has something to do with it." i frowned, picturing the girl in my head. her piercing greyish eyes, contrasting beautifully with her bright platinum blonde hair with black streaks underneath. she was a perfect body size, and fit nicely into her flattering clothes.

"oh." he sat up, looking at me, with a deep frown.

"what?" i asked, he was looking at me strange.

"and how are you taking this?" he said deeply concerned, a worried look on his face.

"whats that supposed to mean?" i questioned, narrowing my eyes at him.

"well you really dont give me the credit i deserve. i may not know much, but im no retard! its pretty obvious you have a thing for him."
i blushed, and felt stupid.

well, you are stupid.
oh no, not you again!
listen to yourself, youre so self absorbed!
i am not self absorbed.
you are.
im not.
are.
not.
are not.
HAH! i got you!
alright, alright you got me. but did you really earn pride from winning an argument with yourself?
.....you know what, i dont need this. be gone conscience! im blocking you out from now on. i dont wanna here a word from you.




....tell him how you feel. goodbye.




my eyes widened. i think...i think my conscience is right.