Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Douse the Light
Pete's POV
What made everything go wrong? I did what I was supposed to do. At least, I thought that I did. But now I'm here alone, thinking of everything that happened.
I guess she was just... different. I had never had someone like her before. She was sweet and kind, always happy. I wonder why she did it, why she had to leave. I didn't deserve her. She was way too good for me. But she took me anyway, led me by the hand and said not to worry. That's what she always told me, "Don't worry, we'll be fine." But now I'm far from fine.
God, I miss her. She was the best thing to happen to me. I remember everything we've done together. She was always there to cheer us on, to help me when I had fallen. She didn't care that we were different. She cared about me in a way no one has ever cared for me before. And maybe that's why I miss her so much. I just miss the way she would talk to me and tell me that we could make it through everything that life would throw at us. And we'd do it all together. I can't even see a future for me without her there. It's like nothing is real to me now.
Sitting here and thinking of her does nothing to help calm me. It just makes me feel worse about the whole situation. And now I'm crying. I never thought that she'd leave me. I know that I'm being stupid, but I didn't think that she'd have it in her to do it. And now that she has, I want to take that assumption back, because part of me wants to believe that if I didn't think she could do it, she wouldn't have done it.
I'm crying even more now, and I'll have to redo my eyeliner. That's what I'm thinking right now, 'Oh no, I have to redo my eyeliner.' I'm so damn pathetic. She's gone and all I'm thinking is how I'll have to redo my makeup. I wish she was back. She kept my thoughts straight. It's like my head cleared whenever she walked into a room.
I loved her so much, and I don't think that I ever got the chance to tell her. I mean, she left me without warning. I wish that I could've had some warning, some prior indication as to when she was leaving. Because if I'd have known, I would've told her that I loved her every day of my life.
I really should get ready. Patrick should be here any minute now. He'll expect me to leave once he honks his horn. I still need to get dressed. I need to fix my damn eyeliner. I need to go back in time and hold her just one more time. I need to think of her face, of her touch, her kiss just once more. Because she's all I want right now.
Patrick's here, and he surprisingly comes inside. I'm still on my bed in my jeans and hoodie, crying. He sees me and shakes his head. "What do you want from me, Patrick? She's gone. I need her now more than ever," I said, collapsing and crying harder. He started hugging me like only a best friend can.
"I know, Pete. But we should go. She wouldn't want you to be here on your bed while everyone else is missing her too. She'd want you to share what you remembered," he said soothingly. I nodded and got up, and we went to the car.
An hour later, I was there with all of the guys and her family and friends, listening to someone else cry over her. I was next, and I didn't want any of these people to see me crying. I was called up, though, and I shakily made my way to the mic.
"Some would say that I knew her the best. I doubt that. I didn't know that much about her. But I know that she was a great person. She always put the needs of others before her own needs. And sometimes I think that that was what undid her. I tried to take away that stress, that pressure, by simply loving her. I don't know why she killed herself, but she was a great woman, and I loved her. And I wish that I had said one last goodbye, one more I love you every single second that she's not here," I said. By now, tears were flowing all throughout the audience and from my own eyes. I turned to the open casket and looked at the beautiful girl lying there. "I love you so much, Aly. Please, come back to me. Or I'll leave here too and find you again in heaven. I swear I will. Just wait for me, please," I whispered to her and any God that would listen. I closed my eyes against the tears and walked back home, crying. And the very sun, it seemed, was crying for her too, as the rain fell fast and hard on my lone body as I walked through it to get home.
What made everything go wrong? I did what I was supposed to do. At least, I thought that I did. But now I'm here alone, thinking of everything that happened.
I guess she was just... different. I had never had someone like her before. She was sweet and kind, always happy. I wonder why she did it, why she had to leave. I didn't deserve her. She was way too good for me. But she took me anyway, led me by the hand and said not to worry. That's what she always told me, "Don't worry, we'll be fine." But now I'm far from fine.
God, I miss her. She was the best thing to happen to me. I remember everything we've done together. She was always there to cheer us on, to help me when I had fallen. She didn't care that we were different. She cared about me in a way no one has ever cared for me before. And maybe that's why I miss her so much. I just miss the way she would talk to me and tell me that we could make it through everything that life would throw at us. And we'd do it all together. I can't even see a future for me without her there. It's like nothing is real to me now.
Sitting here and thinking of her does nothing to help calm me. It just makes me feel worse about the whole situation. And now I'm crying. I never thought that she'd leave me. I know that I'm being stupid, but I didn't think that she'd have it in her to do it. And now that she has, I want to take that assumption back, because part of me wants to believe that if I didn't think she could do it, she wouldn't have done it.
I'm crying even more now, and I'll have to redo my eyeliner. That's what I'm thinking right now, 'Oh no, I have to redo my eyeliner.' I'm so damn pathetic. She's gone and all I'm thinking is how I'll have to redo my makeup. I wish she was back. She kept my thoughts straight. It's like my head cleared whenever she walked into a room.
I loved her so much, and I don't think that I ever got the chance to tell her. I mean, she left me without warning. I wish that I could've had some warning, some prior indication as to when she was leaving. Because if I'd have known, I would've told her that I loved her every day of my life.
I really should get ready. Patrick should be here any minute now. He'll expect me to leave once he honks his horn. I still need to get dressed. I need to fix my damn eyeliner. I need to go back in time and hold her just one more time. I need to think of her face, of her touch, her kiss just once more. Because she's all I want right now.
Patrick's here, and he surprisingly comes inside. I'm still on my bed in my jeans and hoodie, crying. He sees me and shakes his head. "What do you want from me, Patrick? She's gone. I need her now more than ever," I said, collapsing and crying harder. He started hugging me like only a best friend can.
"I know, Pete. But we should go. She wouldn't want you to be here on your bed while everyone else is missing her too. She'd want you to share what you remembered," he said soothingly. I nodded and got up, and we went to the car.
An hour later, I was there with all of the guys and her family and friends, listening to someone else cry over her. I was next, and I didn't want any of these people to see me crying. I was called up, though, and I shakily made my way to the mic.
"Some would say that I knew her the best. I doubt that. I didn't know that much about her. But I know that she was a great person. She always put the needs of others before her own needs. And sometimes I think that that was what undid her. I tried to take away that stress, that pressure, by simply loving her. I don't know why she killed herself, but she was a great woman, and I loved her. And I wish that I had said one last goodbye, one more I love you every single second that she's not here," I said. By now, tears were flowing all throughout the audience and from my own eyes. I turned to the open casket and looked at the beautiful girl lying there. "I love you so much, Aly. Please, come back to me. Or I'll leave here too and find you again in heaven. I swear I will. Just wait for me, please," I whispered to her and any God that would listen. I closed my eyes against the tears and walked back home, crying. And the very sun, it seemed, was crying for her too, as the rain fell fast and hard on my lone body as I walked through it to get home.
Sign up to rate and review this story