Categories > Original > Drama > Availability
Availability Pt. 2
This one is called Sanity
A/N: PLEASE READ THIS NOTE, THE SUMMARY AND THE NOTE LEFT AT THE BOTTOM. THEY ARE VERY IMPORTANT!
By: Hiro
Email: looki_looki_looki@hotmial.com
Summary: This is the second part to "Availability". In this piece, I'm not going to excuse, apologize, take back, or anything. I just wanted to share a little bit more of my brain with you, ALL OF YOU. This piece is dedicated to all of those who reviewed, the first "Availability".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just turned 21. "Oh joy" Last year I was angry. I was angry because, I still didn't get used to the fact that he was gone. I wasn't aware that he wasn't here to begin with. I felt alone, discouraged, tired and most of all disappointed.
I couldn't believe that I'd fucked up again. That no matter what I did, I would always go back to him. He, who embarrassed me in public. He, who used my body the way he wanted. He who cursed me to be alone. WAIT WHAT THE FUCK!
Oh Jesus that was lame. I can't even keep a straight face saying the above. Ha, ha, ha, :: bursts into tears ::
But I still miss him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Fuck him bitch, make him pay" the little demon in my shoulder says. "Love him, forgive and forget" the angel whispers. "I DON'T WANT TO!" the woman in me seethes. And in the end... Who wins?
I hold no grudge against him. He is sad. A twisted soul abandoned by his mother when he was three. He is a boy in a man's body that has been stripped of his life. A soul so damned for not letting go...
Yeah you're right little angel: I'm excusing him again, but what can I do. I love him! YOU HEAR ME!!!!!!! GOD DAMN YOU! YES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love him... :: smiles :: In my mind I can only pick him up like a flower. I can only lick his wounds clean and dress them in my own skin. I need to care for him, show him, teach him... "YOU ARE NO T HIS FUCKING MOTHER, YOU IDIOT. You are... no, were his girlfriend, and even then you couldn't do much. What makes you think you can heal him" now the author of this piece is therapy. Yes! Ya fucking hoo.
You know what's the best part? My doctors (Dr. Jack Daniels, Dr. Bacardi and Satan as their advisor) have said I'm almost cured. Yes, I can finally run free. I can lift my head up and smile, not one that will lead to tears but the real thing.
"Who told you that my little whore? No I AM NOT FINISHED with you" life's voice started out loud then ended with a deadly whisper. I started running like a mad woman, not knowing what to do. If I turned back my progress at the mental health facility (known more commonly as the neighborhood bar) would have been for nothing, I would be nothing, I would amount to nothing. I decided to run as fast as my thoughts would carry me. I've gotten very good at escaping through the levitation in my mind.
Thank god I found what I was looking for. Sanity! "WTF!? Bitch its called POT!" my mind screamed. Marihuana, weed, pot, blunt, Bob Marley, grass, whatever. That's what kept me from jumping, form cutting, from killing, from doing what the voices in my head screamed was right. Now look at me, I'm a mess. I'm a 21 year old fucking mess.
I wont say I've stopped doing weed, that'd be a lie I couldn't live with, but I'll say this I haven't killed him... yet. The weed, well that's been reduced to a once a month, and maybe twice if it's a "good month". My period still hates me, and cigarette still threaten to kill me, but... yes there is always a but.
And this story hasn't ended. I still see him, I even fuck him and even though I say that I'm the one in control now, we all know it's the other way around. Satan controls me while God tries to save me and HIM he still wants to use me. So guess it's a three way battle, who wins only I can determine that. I am the only one that can "let" anyone of the three win. I'm choosing now who I want to let win and I choose...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, I wasn't going to add anything else to "Availability" but all of you were so incredibly nice in leaving your... response, I just couldn't resist. Thank you all for your words of kindness, praise, anger, hatred, wisdom and most of all purity and honesty. As the real person I am now, no one will know cause that's the point in the pen name right... anonymity. So I'll keep it that way. As to the mind in the above piece, yes it was all me. Every thing came from my twisted little head but I refuse to let anyone analyze it.
AFF.NET
Thank you to:
Enigma
Jade Tokier
Azrael
ZeonicGhost
Anon
Coral
Jula
Crystal
AoW
All of you give me fuel to continue my battle and to stay firm in my personal decision of same sex partnership, no children and most of all to take care of number one: ME!
This one is called Sanity
A/N: PLEASE READ THIS NOTE, THE SUMMARY AND THE NOTE LEFT AT THE BOTTOM. THEY ARE VERY IMPORTANT!
By: Hiro
Email: looki_looki_looki@hotmial.com
Summary: This is the second part to "Availability". In this piece, I'm not going to excuse, apologize, take back, or anything. I just wanted to share a little bit more of my brain with you, ALL OF YOU. This piece is dedicated to all of those who reviewed, the first "Availability".
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I just turned 21. "Oh joy" Last year I was angry. I was angry because, I still didn't get used to the fact that he was gone. I wasn't aware that he wasn't here to begin with. I felt alone, discouraged, tired and most of all disappointed.
I couldn't believe that I'd fucked up again. That no matter what I did, I would always go back to him. He, who embarrassed me in public. He, who used my body the way he wanted. He who cursed me to be alone. WAIT WHAT THE FUCK!
Oh Jesus that was lame. I can't even keep a straight face saying the above. Ha, ha, ha, :: bursts into tears ::
But I still miss him!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "Fuck him bitch, make him pay" the little demon in my shoulder says. "Love him, forgive and forget" the angel whispers. "I DON'T WANT TO!" the woman in me seethes. And in the end... Who wins?
I hold no grudge against him. He is sad. A twisted soul abandoned by his mother when he was three. He is a boy in a man's body that has been stripped of his life. A soul so damned for not letting go...
Yeah you're right little angel: I'm excusing him again, but what can I do. I love him! YOU HEAR ME!!!!!!! GOD DAMN YOU! YES YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love him... :: smiles :: In my mind I can only pick him up like a flower. I can only lick his wounds clean and dress them in my own skin. I need to care for him, show him, teach him... "YOU ARE NO T HIS FUCKING MOTHER, YOU IDIOT. You are... no, were his girlfriend, and even then you couldn't do much. What makes you think you can heal him" now the author of this piece is therapy. Yes! Ya fucking hoo.
You know what's the best part? My doctors (Dr. Jack Daniels, Dr. Bacardi and Satan as their advisor) have said I'm almost cured. Yes, I can finally run free. I can lift my head up and smile, not one that will lead to tears but the real thing.
"Who told you that my little whore? No I AM NOT FINISHED with you" life's voice started out loud then ended with a deadly whisper. I started running like a mad woman, not knowing what to do. If I turned back my progress at the mental health facility (known more commonly as the neighborhood bar) would have been for nothing, I would be nothing, I would amount to nothing. I decided to run as fast as my thoughts would carry me. I've gotten very good at escaping through the levitation in my mind.
Thank god I found what I was looking for. Sanity! "WTF!? Bitch its called POT!" my mind screamed. Marihuana, weed, pot, blunt, Bob Marley, grass, whatever. That's what kept me from jumping, form cutting, from killing, from doing what the voices in my head screamed was right. Now look at me, I'm a mess. I'm a 21 year old fucking mess.
I wont say I've stopped doing weed, that'd be a lie I couldn't live with, but I'll say this I haven't killed him... yet. The weed, well that's been reduced to a once a month, and maybe twice if it's a "good month". My period still hates me, and cigarette still threaten to kill me, but... yes there is always a but.
And this story hasn't ended. I still see him, I even fuck him and even though I say that I'm the one in control now, we all know it's the other way around. Satan controls me while God tries to save me and HIM he still wants to use me. So guess it's a three way battle, who wins only I can determine that. I am the only one that can "let" anyone of the three win. I'm choosing now who I want to let win and I choose...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Well, I wasn't going to add anything else to "Availability" but all of you were so incredibly nice in leaving your... response, I just couldn't resist. Thank you all for your words of kindness, praise, anger, hatred, wisdom and most of all purity and honesty. As the real person I am now, no one will know cause that's the point in the pen name right... anonymity. So I'll keep it that way. As to the mind in the above piece, yes it was all me. Every thing came from my twisted little head but I refuse to let anyone analyze it.
AFF.NET
Thank you to:
Enigma
Jade Tokier
Azrael
ZeonicGhost
Anon
Coral
Jula
Crystal
AoW
All of you give me fuel to continue my battle and to stay firm in my personal decision of same sex partnership, no children and most of all to take care of number one: ME!
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