Categories > Celebrities > Fall Out Boy > Saving The World One Hat Rack At A Time
Gay Is Not An Adjective For Shitty
12 reviewsFollow seven (7) incredibly good-looking, creative and modest girls as they travel the world (a.k.a. Chicago) in search for their beloved Charlie. But will the girls find him in time to stop Nick...
2Funny
Chapter One - Gay Is Not An Adjective For Shitty
The sound of screeching tires echoed through the vehicle as the driver darted her eyes from the road in front of her to her review mirror, and back again.
"Crystal..." CeCe's voice from the backseat sounded weary as it drifted through the car, but ultimately it fell upon deaf ears.
She pressed the acceleration pedal to the floor as the car behind her plunged into the left lane, wasting no time in rearing up parallel to the unmarked SUV.
A fluff of familiar curly hair caught the attention of the driver, and she peeled her eyes away from the road to roll down her window. Crystal looked over to see Emma in the back seat of the car next to them, gripping on to the headrest of the passengers' seat, which was occupied by Alex. She looked past Alex to Katy, who glanced over for a concise moment.
"Sweety, move along, before one leaves tread marks upon that pretty face!" Katy screamed from her seat at the steering wheel in the other car. Her thick British accent had swept Crystal's senses, as the car in the left lane sped quickly ahead to cut off the oversized SUV.
"You motherfucking ass goblin cunt licker!!" Crystals eyes widened as the words left her mouth, quickly followed by the unmistakable noise of metal colliding with metal.
A deep sigh was heard from the passenger seat, followed by gasps from the backseat. The two passengers turned around, looking out of the back window to see an unfamiliar car pulverized by a unrecognizable heap of what was previously an automobile.
Smoke clears, leaving only wreckage in its wake. No survivors.
"Crystal, you need to learn how to control your potty mouth," CeCe said from the backseat, pulling her brown hair up into a ponytail and crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned back.
Crystal smiled sheepishly. "My bad..."
"Note to self: the Atomic Mouth is banned from driving...ever." Kyle piped up from the passenger seat, moving her feet to rest them on the dashboard.
"You make it sound like I have bad breath or something," Crystal said, parking the SUV behind the car that had passed them earlier.
A small figure was seated on the balcony, flipping carelessly through the paper booklet in her lap as she looked down at the six girls who trudged their way towards her apartment complex. She went unnoticed as she watched them and let out a deep breath, the fog disappearing into the cold Chicago night.
"So what is this life-altering news that can't be shared over the phone?" Emma asked, reaching around Alex to push on the doorbell.
A familiar 90's techno beat pulsed through the air followed by the noise of someone trying to stifle a laugh.
"That "Get Ready For This" is our official theme song...?" Alex offered, causing all but one of the girls to grin.
"I've already told you I'm standing my ground with that. What if Patrick settled, huh? We'd all be listening to Forget Me Not instead of Fall Out Boyz." CeCe said, reaching over to knock loudly.
Sarah opened the door to look out at the six girls who were deep in thought.
"What's going on?" Sarah asked, ushered them in to the living room.
"Damn, I woulda looked hott in a Forget Me Not t-shirt..." Crystal said, taking a seat next to Alex on the oversized sofa.
"Yea, but you get better breast coverage with Fall Out Boyz," Katy informed her, crossing her left leg over her right.
Emma brought her hand to her chin, rubbing it thoughtfully. "I dunno. I think they've started to sell out. I mean, did you see their new music video? One piece of bling is okay, but..."
"It doesn't matter how much bling they were wearing. Did you see those dance moves? Fan-bloody-tastic." Katy declared, causing all of the girls to nod their heads in agreement.
Sarah stood up and walked to the middle of the room, clapping her hands together to get everyone's attention.
"As you all know I've gathered you here today to commence in a general grievous," Sarah said, pausing for dramatic effect as she took her glasses off and used the hem of her shirt to wipe them clean.
Crystal furrowed her eyebrows and leaned towards Alex. "Isn't General Grievous a bad guy in the Star Wars trilogy?" She whispered. Alex kept her eyes straight ahead and nodded slowly. "Yep. Sure is...you wanna tell her that?"
Crystal looked over as Sarah placed her glasses back over her eyes and bit her lip. "Nope..."
"Okay, I'm going to give you a brief caryopsis about what's going on-"
"Ugh, Sarah? I think you mean 'synopsis'. A caryopsis is a term used in botany to describe-" Kyle was interrupted.
"Fuck off. I'm the gadget girl... I write my own fucking dictionary," Sarah said, glaring at Kyle who held her hands up in surrender. "As I was saying...basically, I was watching VH1 today to get leads and I caught onto a very distributing query,"
"Sarah, do you even know what your talking about?"
"I'm sorry, do you wanna wear the glasses?" She frantically pointed to her spectacles. Kyle remained silent, fearing for her safety.
"I didn't think so." Sarah finished and walked over to her television set, hitting the power button and fidgeting with what appeared to be a 8-track player. Seconds later she sat back, grabbing the remote and pointing it towards the screen.
"Brace yourself," She warned, hitting a button.
All seven girls leaned in slightly and watched the screen closely...
0:00:01.
A funeral. A small group of people dressed in black gathered around an open grave, the coffin visible at the bottom.
"Ooops, wrong channel," Sarah said, hitting another button before dimming the lights.
The sound was the first thing to hit their ears and they all winced as they focused on the screen. They watched as a young man, with a smile on his face, was moving backwards. It was obvious that whatever they were seeing was being played back in reverse as they watched it. The lyrics to the melody came in a very chipmunk-esque tone, and Emma laughed out loud.
"You listen to Nickelback? That's so...shitty." Emma said with distaste evident in her voice.
"Just listen..." Sarah said, grabbing the remote to fast forward it.
"No, you listen. You- all of you- " CeCe paused, to point her finger at the other six girls in the room, "have already made me listen to 2Unlimited. If you think you're getting me to listen to Nickelback, you are out of your damn mind,"
"Just trust me on this," Sarah said, hitting the stop button to play it for the girls. They all shared disgusted looks as the face of Chad Kroger came over the screen.
"Buy all of our albums. Stop listening to emo music. You don't care about slit wrists and broken hearts. That's cliché anyway." The voice was scratchy and guttural, it invoked curiosity and the girls leaned in even close to the screen.
"We don't suck hard... you will keep listening. You love Nickelback. You will help Nickelback take over the music industry, and eventually, the world."
"Oh for the love of Earl Grey! No!" Katy screamed, bringing her hands up to her ears to cover them.
"Shut it off, I can't take this!" CeCe screamed, lunging after the remote to shut off the television. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, rocking back and forth on the carpeted floor.
Alex wrapped her arms around Katy, bringing her head to her shoulder. "We have to stay strong..."
"We need to call Charlie," Crystal announced, getting up from the couch to walk closer to the television. With help from Emma, they soon had the radio box fully connected.
Emma pushed down on the familiar button and waited a moment, only to be met with silence. She frantically tapped it, mumbling a cuss word under her breath.
"Just slow down," Katy said, walking up to move Emma's hand. Katy pushed the button and held it down, smiling when she heard static.
"Hello Charlie!" The girls said, almost in unison. How cute is that?
Instead of being met with their normal "Hello Doojies," they were met with:
"Hey, this is Nickelback," The voices chirped in, all in unison, causing a shiver to vibrate off of the spine of the seven women in the room. "And we're basically unstoppable now. We've captured your precious Charlie, and now there is no way to stop us!" The chorus of evil laughs bellowed through the small apartment.
"You tossers! Give us Charlie right now!" Katy screamed, lunging for the radio box. Alex and Kyle stopped her, grabbing her arms as she tried to fight free.
"What did you do with Charlie?" Crystal asked, leaning over the radio box.
"Do you think we're stupid enough to tell you that? And risk getting caught?" The male voice asked, seemingly offended by the inquiry.
"Of course we think you're stupid. I could come up with a better insult, but stupid works fairly well for the time being..."
"I think that was suppose to be a rhetorical question," Emma said, raising her eyebrows.
The girls looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. The voice came back over the speakers to receive their attention again.
"We will tell you, however, that Charlie is hiding in a "hat rack" somewhere outside of a "disaster town"..." The male voice said with a laugh. "That's such a gay lyric..." They heard him whisper to his other band members.
"Gay isn't a adjective for shitty," Sarah informed them angrily. She looked around the room, expecting to see the girls nod in a agreement, but was basically met with confusion.
"Sarah, I think you meant to say 'gay isn't a synonym for shitty'," Crystal said, the words hardly leaving her mouth before the smoke started to emerge from the small radio box. She winced as she looked down at the machine, clearly unusable from this point forward.
"Fuck, Crystal! You have to learn to watch your damn mouth!" CeCe screamed, pointing at the small piece of technology.
Crystal skewed her mouth to one side. "Um...tru dat...?"
"Nevermind this nonsense. We have a little bit of information. That's positive, right?" Katy asked, obviously distraught with the situation at hand.
"We're going to have to investigate,"
"It's going to be turgid, and we may have to listen to shitty music...but, we will get our Charlie back." Sarah declared proudly.
Author's Note:
Okay, the first ever DoJ collaboration. A big worry we had with doing this was offending anyone. No, the DoJ isn't here for us to be an elitist group of assholes. We bonded over our love of writing and Fall Out Boy, and we happen to get a long famously. Not to mention, the seven of us seem to have the oddest personalities ever.
Anyway, we want to do cameos. We love everyone on FicWad, so we definitely want to see what we can do about making a story for everyone on FicWad. But since we are all kind of strange, we want to make a fun game of it.
Since we have a different person writing each chapter for this story, if you review, leave the name of the Author who you think wrote the chapter.
So, who wrote this chapter? Was it:
A.) Emma (bandgeekfreak)
B.) Sarah (howshesews)
C.) Crystal (pixied_secrets)
D.) CeCe (LOVELA)
If you guess right, we will put a cameo of either you or a character from one of your stories in the next chapter. Sound like fun? We hope so.
The sound of screeching tires echoed through the vehicle as the driver darted her eyes from the road in front of her to her review mirror, and back again.
"Crystal..." CeCe's voice from the backseat sounded weary as it drifted through the car, but ultimately it fell upon deaf ears.
She pressed the acceleration pedal to the floor as the car behind her plunged into the left lane, wasting no time in rearing up parallel to the unmarked SUV.
A fluff of familiar curly hair caught the attention of the driver, and she peeled her eyes away from the road to roll down her window. Crystal looked over to see Emma in the back seat of the car next to them, gripping on to the headrest of the passengers' seat, which was occupied by Alex. She looked past Alex to Katy, who glanced over for a concise moment.
"Sweety, move along, before one leaves tread marks upon that pretty face!" Katy screamed from her seat at the steering wheel in the other car. Her thick British accent had swept Crystal's senses, as the car in the left lane sped quickly ahead to cut off the oversized SUV.
"You motherfucking ass goblin cunt licker!!" Crystals eyes widened as the words left her mouth, quickly followed by the unmistakable noise of metal colliding with metal.
A deep sigh was heard from the passenger seat, followed by gasps from the backseat. The two passengers turned around, looking out of the back window to see an unfamiliar car pulverized by a unrecognizable heap of what was previously an automobile.
Smoke clears, leaving only wreckage in its wake. No survivors.
"Crystal, you need to learn how to control your potty mouth," CeCe said from the backseat, pulling her brown hair up into a ponytail and crossing her arms over her chest as she leaned back.
Crystal smiled sheepishly. "My bad..."
"Note to self: the Atomic Mouth is banned from driving...ever." Kyle piped up from the passenger seat, moving her feet to rest them on the dashboard.
"You make it sound like I have bad breath or something," Crystal said, parking the SUV behind the car that had passed them earlier.
A small figure was seated on the balcony, flipping carelessly through the paper booklet in her lap as she looked down at the six girls who trudged their way towards her apartment complex. She went unnoticed as she watched them and let out a deep breath, the fog disappearing into the cold Chicago night.
"So what is this life-altering news that can't be shared over the phone?" Emma asked, reaching around Alex to push on the doorbell.
A familiar 90's techno beat pulsed through the air followed by the noise of someone trying to stifle a laugh.
"That "Get Ready For This" is our official theme song...?" Alex offered, causing all but one of the girls to grin.
"I've already told you I'm standing my ground with that. What if Patrick settled, huh? We'd all be listening to Forget Me Not instead of Fall Out Boyz." CeCe said, reaching over to knock loudly.
Sarah opened the door to look out at the six girls who were deep in thought.
"What's going on?" Sarah asked, ushered them in to the living room.
"Damn, I woulda looked hott in a Forget Me Not t-shirt..." Crystal said, taking a seat next to Alex on the oversized sofa.
"Yea, but you get better breast coverage with Fall Out Boyz," Katy informed her, crossing her left leg over her right.
Emma brought her hand to her chin, rubbing it thoughtfully. "I dunno. I think they've started to sell out. I mean, did you see their new music video? One piece of bling is okay, but..."
"It doesn't matter how much bling they were wearing. Did you see those dance moves? Fan-bloody-tastic." Katy declared, causing all of the girls to nod their heads in agreement.
Sarah stood up and walked to the middle of the room, clapping her hands together to get everyone's attention.
"As you all know I've gathered you here today to commence in a general grievous," Sarah said, pausing for dramatic effect as she took her glasses off and used the hem of her shirt to wipe them clean.
Crystal furrowed her eyebrows and leaned towards Alex. "Isn't General Grievous a bad guy in the Star Wars trilogy?" She whispered. Alex kept her eyes straight ahead and nodded slowly. "Yep. Sure is...you wanna tell her that?"
Crystal looked over as Sarah placed her glasses back over her eyes and bit her lip. "Nope..."
"Okay, I'm going to give you a brief caryopsis about what's going on-"
"Ugh, Sarah? I think you mean 'synopsis'. A caryopsis is a term used in botany to describe-" Kyle was interrupted.
"Fuck off. I'm the gadget girl... I write my own fucking dictionary," Sarah said, glaring at Kyle who held her hands up in surrender. "As I was saying...basically, I was watching VH1 today to get leads and I caught onto a very distributing query,"
"Sarah, do you even know what your talking about?"
"I'm sorry, do you wanna wear the glasses?" She frantically pointed to her spectacles. Kyle remained silent, fearing for her safety.
"I didn't think so." Sarah finished and walked over to her television set, hitting the power button and fidgeting with what appeared to be a 8-track player. Seconds later she sat back, grabbing the remote and pointing it towards the screen.
"Brace yourself," She warned, hitting a button.
All seven girls leaned in slightly and watched the screen closely...
0:00:01.
A funeral. A small group of people dressed in black gathered around an open grave, the coffin visible at the bottom.
"Ooops, wrong channel," Sarah said, hitting another button before dimming the lights.
The sound was the first thing to hit their ears and they all winced as they focused on the screen. They watched as a young man, with a smile on his face, was moving backwards. It was obvious that whatever they were seeing was being played back in reverse as they watched it. The lyrics to the melody came in a very chipmunk-esque tone, and Emma laughed out loud.
"You listen to Nickelback? That's so...shitty." Emma said with distaste evident in her voice.
"Just listen..." Sarah said, grabbing the remote to fast forward it.
"No, you listen. You- all of you- " CeCe paused, to point her finger at the other six girls in the room, "have already made me listen to 2Unlimited. If you think you're getting me to listen to Nickelback, you are out of your damn mind,"
"Just trust me on this," Sarah said, hitting the stop button to play it for the girls. They all shared disgusted looks as the face of Chad Kroger came over the screen.
"Buy all of our albums. Stop listening to emo music. You don't care about slit wrists and broken hearts. That's cliché anyway." The voice was scratchy and guttural, it invoked curiosity and the girls leaned in even close to the screen.
"We don't suck hard... you will keep listening. You love Nickelback. You will help Nickelback take over the music industry, and eventually, the world."
"Oh for the love of Earl Grey! No!" Katy screamed, bringing her hands up to her ears to cover them.
"Shut it off, I can't take this!" CeCe screamed, lunging after the remote to shut off the television. She brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around her legs, rocking back and forth on the carpeted floor.
Alex wrapped her arms around Katy, bringing her head to her shoulder. "We have to stay strong..."
"We need to call Charlie," Crystal announced, getting up from the couch to walk closer to the television. With help from Emma, they soon had the radio box fully connected.
Emma pushed down on the familiar button and waited a moment, only to be met with silence. She frantically tapped it, mumbling a cuss word under her breath.
"Just slow down," Katy said, walking up to move Emma's hand. Katy pushed the button and held it down, smiling when she heard static.
"Hello Charlie!" The girls said, almost in unison. How cute is that?
Instead of being met with their normal "Hello Doojies," they were met with:
"Hey, this is Nickelback," The voices chirped in, all in unison, causing a shiver to vibrate off of the spine of the seven women in the room. "And we're basically unstoppable now. We've captured your precious Charlie, and now there is no way to stop us!" The chorus of evil laughs bellowed through the small apartment.
"You tossers! Give us Charlie right now!" Katy screamed, lunging for the radio box. Alex and Kyle stopped her, grabbing her arms as she tried to fight free.
"What did you do with Charlie?" Crystal asked, leaning over the radio box.
"Do you think we're stupid enough to tell you that? And risk getting caught?" The male voice asked, seemingly offended by the inquiry.
"Of course we think you're stupid. I could come up with a better insult, but stupid works fairly well for the time being..."
"I think that was suppose to be a rhetorical question," Emma said, raising her eyebrows.
The girls looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders. The voice came back over the speakers to receive their attention again.
"We will tell you, however, that Charlie is hiding in a "hat rack" somewhere outside of a "disaster town"..." The male voice said with a laugh. "That's such a gay lyric..." They heard him whisper to his other band members.
"Gay isn't a adjective for shitty," Sarah informed them angrily. She looked around the room, expecting to see the girls nod in a agreement, but was basically met with confusion.
"Sarah, I think you meant to say 'gay isn't a synonym for shitty'," Crystal said, the words hardly leaving her mouth before the smoke started to emerge from the small radio box. She winced as she looked down at the machine, clearly unusable from this point forward.
"Fuck, Crystal! You have to learn to watch your damn mouth!" CeCe screamed, pointing at the small piece of technology.
Crystal skewed her mouth to one side. "Um...tru dat...?"
"Nevermind this nonsense. We have a little bit of information. That's positive, right?" Katy asked, obviously distraught with the situation at hand.
"We're going to have to investigate,"
"It's going to be turgid, and we may have to listen to shitty music...but, we will get our Charlie back." Sarah declared proudly.
Author's Note:
Okay, the first ever DoJ collaboration. A big worry we had with doing this was offending anyone. No, the DoJ isn't here for us to be an elitist group of assholes. We bonded over our love of writing and Fall Out Boy, and we happen to get a long famously. Not to mention, the seven of us seem to have the oddest personalities ever.
Anyway, we want to do cameos. We love everyone on FicWad, so we definitely want to see what we can do about making a story for everyone on FicWad. But since we are all kind of strange, we want to make a fun game of it.
Since we have a different person writing each chapter for this story, if you review, leave the name of the Author who you think wrote the chapter.
So, who wrote this chapter? Was it:
A.) Emma (bandgeekfreak)
B.) Sarah (howshesews)
C.) Crystal (pixied_secrets)
D.) CeCe (LOVELA)
If you guess right, we will put a cameo of either you or a character from one of your stories in the next chapter. Sound like fun? We hope so.
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