Categories > TV > Buffy the Vampire Slayer > Choices of Life
Willow looked around her. She was alone. Totally alone for the first time in her life. Her parents had never been there for her leaving her basically to herself. But she had always had Xander in her life. That was a constant. That Xander would be there no matter what happened. They were the best of friends.
But did that matter? Did it matter that you had someone in your life? Or was it better to be all alone and cut yourself off from the world. So that you would not have to feel. So that you would not have to deal with people. So that you could live life on your own terms. Wasn't that the best way to live.
Sitting on the desk that she had conjured for herself were two pictures. One was of her little ones. It was taken from memories that she had of them. And she knew that they were now almost a month old and had changed quite a bit. Not that she could see them. Not that she could feel their soft skin.
The other picture was of Tara. The one person that had stood by her no matter what. The one person that she loved still more then anything in the world. Even in her unfeeling state, somehow that love seemed to flow through. As hard as she tried to block it, it still came flooding in. And she resented that.
The dark witch made her way to the window. Night had fallen. Just as she now liked it. She used to be afraid of the dark. Be afraid of the things that lurked in the dark. Demons, vampires, evil humans. There were so many things that lurked in the night. But now, she was what people should be afraid of. She was the thing that went bump in the night.
She had a plan now. And she wasn't an ordinary evil person, like she had told Drusilla. She was smart. Her plan took a lot into consideration. Like other evil things trying to stop her. Or all the things that magickally could go wrong. And of course, the interference of Buffy and the rest of the scoobies.
The one that had her thinking the most, was not Althena. It wasn't even Tara for some reason. Though she knew that their connection was greater then anyone else's. For some reason, it was Xander that had her thinking. A man that had no real power but to gather donuts for the rest was the one that had her worried.
Why was that? She couldn't explain it. But she knew if she was thinking it, then she must prepare herself. But for what? That was the question. For again, he was just a mere human being with no special powers. He was a geek to the core. Though he didn't always show that side of himself. But it was there, even when dating Cordelia. Or now dating Anya.
Willow opened the window and let the coolness rush over her. As always, it helped her to think. It helped to clear her mind of all the conflicting thoughts. It helped her focus on her plan. And her plan was to get her babies back. They belonged by her side, not Tara. Tara was still good. And she wanted her little ones raised like she was now.
But how? She knew that Tara would protect them with her very life. Even if that meant keeping them away from her for the rest of her life. And she knew that Buffy and the others would not allow her near them either. They still had that feeling of good. That they would uphold that with whatever they had.
But it wouldn't be enough. Nothing was as strong or powerful as she was now. And just by looking at someone, she had found that she could easily drain them. She could replenish her own strength. And it didn't matter if it was good or if it was evil power. She would infuse it into her own and she would use it her way. Never mind that it usually cost the person their lives.
Willow sighed heavily as she tried to think of a way to get her babies back. Little Jenny and Alexander were growing up without her. Something she didn't want. They were so young and innocent. It was going to take a lot to corrupt them the way that she had been corrupted. But she was always up to a challenge.
Her mind again became conflicted. Thoughts of times alone with Tara flooded her mind. Like the very first time they met. She knew that they were meant to meet. That something had been guiding both of them there. It was always meant to be the two of them finding one another.
And there was the time of the picnic. The one that she had given her the ring. That look on Tara's face when she had seen it. And then putting it on her finger. It was amazing it was the most amazing night of her life. Until her babies were born. Nothing would ever beat that.
And she remembered how nervous both had been that first night. When they had made love for the first time. It was sweet the way that they had been with one another. Taking things so slow. Making sure that the other was ready. It was a night full of passion and the ultimate connection for two people.
Willow slammed the window shut, shattering the glass. She couldn't and wouldn't have thoughts like these. They only weakened her. And she knew that she had to be at her strongest if she was to be able to fight Tara and the rest.
This knew girl Althnea intrigued her. She felt a power akin to her own flowing through her. If she could either turn her toward the darkness or if she could better yet drain all of that power for her own, she would nearly be unstoppable.
That was it! Willow's smile grew big as things started to come together in her mind. A plan formed that would make Giles, if it had been used for good, proud. She had thought of everything. And she would make this plan succeed. And if she did, she would have her babies by her side as they should be.
The dark witch waved her hand in front of the window making it so that it had never been broken. She looked out into the darkness and felt a calm that she hadn't felt in a long time. For so long now she had been running on nothing but hatred and revenge. And that was what still fueled her thirst for power.
But now, she had a plan. Something to keep her busy. And it would lead to her ultimate goal. Which was to one day rule the earth the way that she wanted it ruled. It may seem cliche for a villain to want to rule the earth, but it made sense for her. She could control all the demons, vampires, and all the powerful humans in the world.
Then, she could do what she pleased. Her one hope was that Tara would see it her way. That she would have someone that would rule by her side. That was the most amazing feeling knowing that she would not be alone for the rest of her life. For a fear of being alone, even in her darkened state, was still her biggest fear ever.
Willow stopped as she realized something. That fear of being alone could be her down fall. That if she allowed it, it would be the reason that anyone of the scoobies were to take her down. She must fight that fear with everything she had. Or perhaps she would be the one that was defeated.
No. She would not allow that. Failure just wasn't an option. She would hurt, maim, or kill anyone that got in her way. She would have what she wanted at any cost. And that included killing Tara or any of the scoobies. She would do anything to have her way. Anything.
So many things were rushing around in Tara's mind as she tried to calm her little ones down. They had cried nearly the whole time since Willow turned all evil again. They knew that something wasn't right. And the fact that their mother was not around had to be hard on the little ones. It was hard on her.
She had just come from a scooby meeting where all of them had offered to help with Alexander and Jenny. But she wanted to be alone and to do things her way. It wasn't that they couldn't help or that they would be in the way. It was just better that if Willow showed up, that it be just her and the little ones.
The things that ran through her mind scared her. There was talk at the meeting of taking Willow out. And not in just the 'let's get her off the dark magicks' kind of way. No. The others had actually been talking about ending Willow's life. And it hurt her so deeply to think that things had come this far.
The young witch had thought that she had made Willow see. Just by that touch in the cave she had felt so good. That she was herself again. And then, she couldn't get her to see again. Her lover was just gone now. There was the see of darkness inside of her. And she had to wonder how far Willow would go to keep that darkness flowing.
Tara sighed heavily at the thought. Her one true love was suffering. Suffering more then she should have to. Willow didn't see it like that. In fact, she thought it would free her of all that conflicted her before. That letting go was the one thing that she had to do. Just so she could live an easier life.
The blond finally got both little ones to sleep. She put up a protective barrier as she left their nursery. Though she knew that Willow could break down nearly any spell that she tried to use she still had to try. Try to keep their own mother away from them. It wasn't easy to do.
Slowly, she made her way to the kitchen. She needed something to keep her calm and to help her think clearly. If there was another way to stop Willow, then she would come up with it. She had sat in silence as the others went on. It was something that she had trouble even thinking about. How things might end.
One thought hit her hard. What if? What if she was able to bring Willow out of the place that she was in now. What would happen between the two of them? After all, the woman that she loved had already taken one life. Her own father's life. Tara was sure that there were others that had been hurt or worse already.
Would Willow ever be able to get over the fact that she did that? That she took human lives? Would that be something she would be able to forgive herself for? And if she could, could she move on? Or if not, could she manage to live with the guilt. Day after day after of guilt being thrust upon herself.
And of course, there were her own feelings. How would she be able to deal with things. Seeing that blank look on Ethan's face still haunted her dreams. And seeing how nonchalantly that Willow had taken off afterwards was another haunting sight as well. It terrified her at the ease that she had taken that life, though may not be so innocent of a life.
Tara took a sip of her tea. There were so many questions now. And so few answers. It wasn't something that was going to be resolved over night. When she got her everything back, it would take time. Perhaps even years for them to reach that what they had had just so short a time ago. And it would take a lot of work on both their parts.
But it would be worth it. The blond closed her eyes and remembered. Remembered the first kiss that they had shared. It had surprised Willow. But not her. She knew how she felt the moment that she had accidentally bumped into her that day. It was as if she were meeting the woman that she had dreamed about.
And those dreams included taking her away from the horror that was her family. And Willow had done that. And she had faced down her father. That was one of the best moments in her life. How her girl had stood up for her. Letting her father know that she was good and that he was the one that was no good. It made her feel the best she'd ever felt.
Until that night. When her little ones made their surprise arrival. They had been so wanted and so loved even before they were born. But they had to make it interesting. As all of life seemed to be. Nothing was ever easy. But it was always worth it in the end. And things seemed to work out the way that they were supposed to.
But this way was hard to deal with. Your lover, your everything was being ripped out of your life. And just after you had seemed to find the happiness that you never thought that you would find. It was rather unfair that things were working out the way that they were. But then again, she knew that life was anything but fair.
Tara stood up and made her way to the sliding door. She opened it and let the cool night air wash over her. There was just a sliver of a moon out tonight. And very few stars twinkling. It made her think of Willow. For as much as she knew her lover wanted to think otherwise, there was still just a sliver of good in her.
The key was going to be tapping into it. Before Willow did more damage to herself and to others. How was she going to do that? Or was it up to her? Now that was a thought that she hadn't had before. What if it wasn't up to her? What if it was up to someone else to be the one to help Willow find the right path again?
Those thoughts sent her mind reeling with so many possibilities. Could it be that this was the way that things were supposed to work out? Could it be that this was the answer that none of them had thought of so long ago? As close as Tara was to Willow and the connection that they shared, was it someone else that had to be the one?
Smiling for the first time in a long time, Tara closed the door on the crisp cool air. It had indeed helped to clear her mind and to help her think. Now, all she had to do was to figure out what it all meant. And the right person to help Willow.
It had to be one of the scoobies. It had to be one that had a connection to her. And the one that had the greatest connection besides herself was Xander. The two of them had been through so much in their lives. And at one time were all that the other had. Before she and Anya had come along. True, there was Buffy. But it wasn't the same.
All these thoughts gave Tara an idea. If she was thinking correctly, there still was a way that she could save her girl. It might mean that she had to rely on someone else. And some would say that Xander had no powers. But she knew. The minute that she had met the carpenter she knew that deep down he was one of the most powerful people she had ever met. It was the power of love that he held inside of himself.
First thing in the morning she would gather the others and let them in on what she had discovered. Hopefully it would be in time to save Willow. It wouldn't be easy. They would have to find her first. And they would have to deal with whatever defenses that she put up. But it would be worth it.
Tara made her way to the bed room. Alone she would sleep yet again. But this night would be unlike others she had had recently. For tonight, she would actually sleep. For she had hope on her side. And she had the power of good and the power of love. The most powerful things in the universe. More powerful then evil.
But did that matter? Did it matter that you had someone in your life? Or was it better to be all alone and cut yourself off from the world. So that you would not have to feel. So that you would not have to deal with people. So that you could live life on your own terms. Wasn't that the best way to live.
Sitting on the desk that she had conjured for herself were two pictures. One was of her little ones. It was taken from memories that she had of them. And she knew that they were now almost a month old and had changed quite a bit. Not that she could see them. Not that she could feel their soft skin.
The other picture was of Tara. The one person that had stood by her no matter what. The one person that she loved still more then anything in the world. Even in her unfeeling state, somehow that love seemed to flow through. As hard as she tried to block it, it still came flooding in. And she resented that.
The dark witch made her way to the window. Night had fallen. Just as she now liked it. She used to be afraid of the dark. Be afraid of the things that lurked in the dark. Demons, vampires, evil humans. There were so many things that lurked in the night. But now, she was what people should be afraid of. She was the thing that went bump in the night.
She had a plan now. And she wasn't an ordinary evil person, like she had told Drusilla. She was smart. Her plan took a lot into consideration. Like other evil things trying to stop her. Or all the things that magickally could go wrong. And of course, the interference of Buffy and the rest of the scoobies.
The one that had her thinking the most, was not Althena. It wasn't even Tara for some reason. Though she knew that their connection was greater then anyone else's. For some reason, it was Xander that had her thinking. A man that had no real power but to gather donuts for the rest was the one that had her worried.
Why was that? She couldn't explain it. But she knew if she was thinking it, then she must prepare herself. But for what? That was the question. For again, he was just a mere human being with no special powers. He was a geek to the core. Though he didn't always show that side of himself. But it was there, even when dating Cordelia. Or now dating Anya.
Willow opened the window and let the coolness rush over her. As always, it helped her to think. It helped to clear her mind of all the conflicting thoughts. It helped her focus on her plan. And her plan was to get her babies back. They belonged by her side, not Tara. Tara was still good. And she wanted her little ones raised like she was now.
But how? She knew that Tara would protect them with her very life. Even if that meant keeping them away from her for the rest of her life. And she knew that Buffy and the others would not allow her near them either. They still had that feeling of good. That they would uphold that with whatever they had.
But it wouldn't be enough. Nothing was as strong or powerful as she was now. And just by looking at someone, she had found that she could easily drain them. She could replenish her own strength. And it didn't matter if it was good or if it was evil power. She would infuse it into her own and she would use it her way. Never mind that it usually cost the person their lives.
Willow sighed heavily as she tried to think of a way to get her babies back. Little Jenny and Alexander were growing up without her. Something she didn't want. They were so young and innocent. It was going to take a lot to corrupt them the way that she had been corrupted. But she was always up to a challenge.
Her mind again became conflicted. Thoughts of times alone with Tara flooded her mind. Like the very first time they met. She knew that they were meant to meet. That something had been guiding both of them there. It was always meant to be the two of them finding one another.
And there was the time of the picnic. The one that she had given her the ring. That look on Tara's face when she had seen it. And then putting it on her finger. It was amazing it was the most amazing night of her life. Until her babies were born. Nothing would ever beat that.
And she remembered how nervous both had been that first night. When they had made love for the first time. It was sweet the way that they had been with one another. Taking things so slow. Making sure that the other was ready. It was a night full of passion and the ultimate connection for two people.
Willow slammed the window shut, shattering the glass. She couldn't and wouldn't have thoughts like these. They only weakened her. And she knew that she had to be at her strongest if she was to be able to fight Tara and the rest.
This knew girl Althnea intrigued her. She felt a power akin to her own flowing through her. If she could either turn her toward the darkness or if she could better yet drain all of that power for her own, she would nearly be unstoppable.
That was it! Willow's smile grew big as things started to come together in her mind. A plan formed that would make Giles, if it had been used for good, proud. She had thought of everything. And she would make this plan succeed. And if she did, she would have her babies by her side as they should be.
The dark witch waved her hand in front of the window making it so that it had never been broken. She looked out into the darkness and felt a calm that she hadn't felt in a long time. For so long now she had been running on nothing but hatred and revenge. And that was what still fueled her thirst for power.
But now, she had a plan. Something to keep her busy. And it would lead to her ultimate goal. Which was to one day rule the earth the way that she wanted it ruled. It may seem cliche for a villain to want to rule the earth, but it made sense for her. She could control all the demons, vampires, and all the powerful humans in the world.
Then, she could do what she pleased. Her one hope was that Tara would see it her way. That she would have someone that would rule by her side. That was the most amazing feeling knowing that she would not be alone for the rest of her life. For a fear of being alone, even in her darkened state, was still her biggest fear ever.
Willow stopped as she realized something. That fear of being alone could be her down fall. That if she allowed it, it would be the reason that anyone of the scoobies were to take her down. She must fight that fear with everything she had. Or perhaps she would be the one that was defeated.
No. She would not allow that. Failure just wasn't an option. She would hurt, maim, or kill anyone that got in her way. She would have what she wanted at any cost. And that included killing Tara or any of the scoobies. She would do anything to have her way. Anything.
So many things were rushing around in Tara's mind as she tried to calm her little ones down. They had cried nearly the whole time since Willow turned all evil again. They knew that something wasn't right. And the fact that their mother was not around had to be hard on the little ones. It was hard on her.
She had just come from a scooby meeting where all of them had offered to help with Alexander and Jenny. But she wanted to be alone and to do things her way. It wasn't that they couldn't help or that they would be in the way. It was just better that if Willow showed up, that it be just her and the little ones.
The things that ran through her mind scared her. There was talk at the meeting of taking Willow out. And not in just the 'let's get her off the dark magicks' kind of way. No. The others had actually been talking about ending Willow's life. And it hurt her so deeply to think that things had come this far.
The young witch had thought that she had made Willow see. Just by that touch in the cave she had felt so good. That she was herself again. And then, she couldn't get her to see again. Her lover was just gone now. There was the see of darkness inside of her. And she had to wonder how far Willow would go to keep that darkness flowing.
Tara sighed heavily at the thought. Her one true love was suffering. Suffering more then she should have to. Willow didn't see it like that. In fact, she thought it would free her of all that conflicted her before. That letting go was the one thing that she had to do. Just so she could live an easier life.
The blond finally got both little ones to sleep. She put up a protective barrier as she left their nursery. Though she knew that Willow could break down nearly any spell that she tried to use she still had to try. Try to keep their own mother away from them. It wasn't easy to do.
Slowly, she made her way to the kitchen. She needed something to keep her calm and to help her think clearly. If there was another way to stop Willow, then she would come up with it. She had sat in silence as the others went on. It was something that she had trouble even thinking about. How things might end.
One thought hit her hard. What if? What if she was able to bring Willow out of the place that she was in now. What would happen between the two of them? After all, the woman that she loved had already taken one life. Her own father's life. Tara was sure that there were others that had been hurt or worse already.
Would Willow ever be able to get over the fact that she did that? That she took human lives? Would that be something she would be able to forgive herself for? And if she could, could she move on? Or if not, could she manage to live with the guilt. Day after day after of guilt being thrust upon herself.
And of course, there were her own feelings. How would she be able to deal with things. Seeing that blank look on Ethan's face still haunted her dreams. And seeing how nonchalantly that Willow had taken off afterwards was another haunting sight as well. It terrified her at the ease that she had taken that life, though may not be so innocent of a life.
Tara took a sip of her tea. There were so many questions now. And so few answers. It wasn't something that was going to be resolved over night. When she got her everything back, it would take time. Perhaps even years for them to reach that what they had had just so short a time ago. And it would take a lot of work on both their parts.
But it would be worth it. The blond closed her eyes and remembered. Remembered the first kiss that they had shared. It had surprised Willow. But not her. She knew how she felt the moment that she had accidentally bumped into her that day. It was as if she were meeting the woman that she had dreamed about.
And those dreams included taking her away from the horror that was her family. And Willow had done that. And she had faced down her father. That was one of the best moments in her life. How her girl had stood up for her. Letting her father know that she was good and that he was the one that was no good. It made her feel the best she'd ever felt.
Until that night. When her little ones made their surprise arrival. They had been so wanted and so loved even before they were born. But they had to make it interesting. As all of life seemed to be. Nothing was ever easy. But it was always worth it in the end. And things seemed to work out the way that they were supposed to.
But this way was hard to deal with. Your lover, your everything was being ripped out of your life. And just after you had seemed to find the happiness that you never thought that you would find. It was rather unfair that things were working out the way that they were. But then again, she knew that life was anything but fair.
Tara stood up and made her way to the sliding door. She opened it and let the cool night air wash over her. There was just a sliver of a moon out tonight. And very few stars twinkling. It made her think of Willow. For as much as she knew her lover wanted to think otherwise, there was still just a sliver of good in her.
The key was going to be tapping into it. Before Willow did more damage to herself and to others. How was she going to do that? Or was it up to her? Now that was a thought that she hadn't had before. What if it wasn't up to her? What if it was up to someone else to be the one to help Willow find the right path again?
Those thoughts sent her mind reeling with so many possibilities. Could it be that this was the way that things were supposed to work out? Could it be that this was the answer that none of them had thought of so long ago? As close as Tara was to Willow and the connection that they shared, was it someone else that had to be the one?
Smiling for the first time in a long time, Tara closed the door on the crisp cool air. It had indeed helped to clear her mind and to help her think. Now, all she had to do was to figure out what it all meant. And the right person to help Willow.
It had to be one of the scoobies. It had to be one that had a connection to her. And the one that had the greatest connection besides herself was Xander. The two of them had been through so much in their lives. And at one time were all that the other had. Before she and Anya had come along. True, there was Buffy. But it wasn't the same.
All these thoughts gave Tara an idea. If she was thinking correctly, there still was a way that she could save her girl. It might mean that she had to rely on someone else. And some would say that Xander had no powers. But she knew. The minute that she had met the carpenter she knew that deep down he was one of the most powerful people she had ever met. It was the power of love that he held inside of himself.
First thing in the morning she would gather the others and let them in on what she had discovered. Hopefully it would be in time to save Willow. It wouldn't be easy. They would have to find her first. And they would have to deal with whatever defenses that she put up. But it would be worth it.
Tara made her way to the bed room. Alone she would sleep yet again. But this night would be unlike others she had had recently. For tonight, she would actually sleep. For she had hope on her side. And she had the power of good and the power of love. The most powerful things in the universe. More powerful then evil.
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