FicWad

Group Therapy: Ficwad Characters uncensored


THIS IS A LITTLE HOMAGE TO SOME - NOT ALL!* - OF MY FAVORITE WRITERS
(AND REVIEWERS) IN THE FOB SECTION. [Sheena´s in here because, basically, she doesn´t have anything better to do.]
I HOPE ALL OF YOU READERS ENJOY THIS! :)
(If not, go to h-... I mean, if you don´t then you may yell at me in the review section.)

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The characters in this one-shot** are the intellectual property (fancy, eh?) of the following writers:

thexrealxme: Big Dreams and Forbidden Love (Megan)
LOVELA: I remember (Izzy)
whatkatydid: Room for Two (Shay)
moocow: I´m Good To Go (Evie)
pixied_secrets: Sincerity´s In, So Don´t You Sound Like You Mean It (Belle + Greta)
some supposedly funny kid: The Bass Files [original one] (Sheena)







Evie: Okay, ladies. Let´s get the bed a-rockin´. Introductions!

Megan: Hey, everyone. I´m Megan and I´m here because my boyfriend cheated on me with some slut and before that he acted all indifferent towards me. On top of thigs, my mother just passed away.

Sympathetic sighs from the others.

Izzy: Hi, I´m Izzy. I´m in an abusive relationship. I don´t know what to do... I love my boyfriend but his childhood trauma is messing with his emotional state.

More empathy is expressed in the round.

Belle: My name´s Belle. I´m frustrated because my brother´s been thinking with his weiner and not his brain lately. He´s hooked up with some whore called Greta and she´s all bitchy in my face. Also, I´m having feelings for my brother´s best friend and I´m worried that this will only lead to more troubles... Oh yeah, I´m also being kidnapped at the moment.*

Sheena (sucks in air): That´s by far the most horrible lifestory.

Shay: Hey, I´m Shay. I used to have a happy and fulfilling relationship with an amazing musician until my formerly addict sister decided to take away our adopted son from us.

Izzy & Megan: Good God, that´s awful.

Evie: My turn now, I guess... I´m Evie. I used to be with a drummer but there were strong sexual and emotional tensions between his friend and I. Therefore we broke up so I could be with the other guy. Unfortunately, he´s a COWard and that´s why he didn´t tell me that he wanted to be with me before he left to go on tour with his band.

The others sadly shake their heads.

Silence.

Belle (nods towards Sheena): What about you?

Sheena: Oh, I´m fine really... My name´s Sheena, by the way.

Megan: Come on, there must be something. Everyone has problems in their relationships.

Evie (laughs out loud): Let ME about it!

Sheena (meekly): I don´t actually have a relationship per se...

Shay: Oh, I see. That´s your problem then.

/ Sheena nods and tugs at her hat. /**

Megan: Evie, did you say your former boyfriend was a drummer? That´s funny. Andy, my partner, is a drummer too.

Evie: His name is Andy?

Megan: Huh... yeah. Andy Hurley.

Evie´s pupils widen and her mouth turns into a thin line.

Evie: I´ll turn him into beef stew!

Sheena (mumbles): Foxes, cows... That man´s relationship to animals sure ain´t healthy. What he doesn´t eat he... nevermind.

Izzy: THE Andy Hurley? He´s in a band with my boyfriend Pete.

Evie: WHAT?!

Shay: Odd. My Patrick´s in that band, too.

Belle (staring at Shay): YOUR Patrick?! So he´s screwing more than one bi- woman!

Everyone in the room recollects their thoughts for a moment.

Seconds later they start yelling obscenities at each other:

BITCH!

SLUT!

WHORE!

HOOKER!

BRITNEY!

CHRISTINA!

ASHLEE!

Only Sheena and Shay remain quiet.

The others pause.

Evie: What´s with you two? Aren´t you fuming?

Shay: I am. I just don´t like to swear...

The women eye her suspiciously.

Shay: Ah, ok... Mio dio!

Izzy: But... that´s Italian, Shay, not Spanish.***

Shay: Well, excuse me. I´m upset... (mumbles) Oh, dio mios.

Izzy nods approvingly.

Sheena: I´m just glad that somebody else´s life is actually more screwed-up than mine. That kinda makes up for not having a boyfriend... Hey, what about Joe? Anyone ever had a thing going on with him?

Belle: JOE?!

Megan: WHO CARES ABOUT JOE?!

Evie: Well... I wouldn´t exactly MIND sleeping with him...

The others wriggle their bodies in disgust. (Except for Sheena who is pretty desperate by now.)

Shay : No degressing though, Sheena. Frankly, I don´t even know what you´re doing here?

Izzy: That´s correct. You´re not even in a real drama story.

Belle: The biggest issue you seem to have is your horrible hair.

The five girls around Sheena nod affirmatively.

Sheena (hands up in defense): Ah, well... All my friends are on tour right now.** So I didn´t really have anyone to keep me company.

Megan nudges Evie in the side, forms an "L" on her forehead with her thumb and index finger and points at Sheena. The two of them laugh.

Sheena: What about Evie? (She points at Evie.) She´s not been kidnapped, robbed of her son, cheated or beaten up by her boyfriend either.

Evie (frowns at Sheena): Ah... I bring the secks. That´s spelt C-K-S.

Belle: Duh!

Shay: She has a point.

Sheena (sadly): I see...***

Izzy: Back to what you said before. I don´t think it´s acceptable behavior of you to use our bad experiences to make yourself feel better, Sheena.

Megan: I´m totally with you on this one, Izzy. This is supposed to be group therapy.

Shay & Belle nod in approval of what´s just been said, fixating Sheena with their eyes.

Evie: I say we settle this here and now. AT HER, GIRLS!

With that the five women get up from their plastic chairs and close in on Sheena.

Sheena: Mr. Meatball, help me! He-

.
.
.
.
.
.

The end (of Sheena?)****


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* The characters in here just lent themselves to uniting them in this sort of environment. If your story´s not I here: I still dig it! :) I´m just too dumb to incorporate it into the group therapy.

** Except for the members of FOB who have been skillfully crafted by the fashion industry to sell more girls´ jeans and baseball caps as well as promote tattoos... and probably Judaism.

* What? Are you looking for some sense in MY story? Ah well, in addition to my time machine I also own a tele-transporter.

** It´s not ugly though.

*** Izzy has just graduated, thus, is the smartest of them all.

** This therapy session is OBVIOUSLY set in the future. affectionately pets her time machine

*** Loser.

**** Good idea, me! Cos I need to get rid of her. (Having a writer´s block on The Bass Files, goddamnit.)





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Ha. And you didn´t think I could handle serious writing...