FicWad

On the seventh day of Christmas, my best friend gave to me...

Seven Screaming Howlers

Another fairly peaceful day had begun, and with an hour to go until lunch Hermione was hopeful that it would last - at least until the meal was over.

She knew that she was probably being overly optimistic - and she was right, of course.

For whatever reason, everyone in Gryffindor Tower was reading. /Everyone/. Even Ronald Weasley. Hermione had managed to recover from her shock at that when she realised that Dean and Ron were poring over a Quidditch magazine, but still, they were reading. As such, the room was silent but for the sound of turning pages.

It was incredibly peaceful. Hermione wished that she could relax fully, but the absence of Harry always negated that possibility.

Hermione immediately looked up when the portrait opened, and she watched as Harry stepped inside. His Santa hat seemed in danger of falling off, but he caught it quickly. Surprisingly he gave a small wave and smile to everyone before heading up to the dorm. He reappeared moments later with a novel that Remus had bought him a few weeks ago, sat on the floor by the fire and silently began to read.

Sighing in relief, Hermione went back to her own book.

The peace in the Common Room managed to last another ten minutes until it was broken by an owl tapping on a window. Neville let the bird in, but immediately regretted it when he realised it was carrying not one but seven red envelopes.

Everyone watched in horror as the owl delivered the Howlers to Draco, Ron, Lavender, Colin, Susan, Justin and Luna. The brown-feathered bird gave a satisfied hoot and swooped out the window again. Neville automatically closed the window to keep the cold out.

Colin, deciding to prove his Gryffindor-ness, opened his envelope. He and everyone else immediately covered their ears, knowing they'd hear the words no matter how much they tried to muffle them.

"COLIN WHATEVER THE BLOODY HELL YOUR MIDDLE NAME IS CREEVY!"

They all blinked at the high-pitched feminine tone.

"I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU THINK YOU ARE, BUT I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS TO GO ON ANY LONGER! I DEMAND THAT YOU CEASE STALKING ME IMMEDIATELY OR I'LL BE FORCED TO PRESS CHARGES, OR AT LEAST TELL THE PROFESSORS!"

The envelope exploded, and sixteen pairs of curious eyes fell on Colin Creevey.

"I didn't stalk anyone!" he yelped. "Honest, the closest I've ever come to stalking someone is, well, taking all those pictures of Harry."

They all looked to the boy in the Santa suit, but Harry shrugged innocently and fiddled with a strand of tinsel that he seemed to have stolen from Luna. He nodded in the direction of Susan's Howler, which was beginning to smoke. "I'd open that, if I were you."

Susan did so. Seconds later, Justin followed suit. This was regarded as a very bad idea by everyone else moments later.

"SUSAN AMELIA -"

"JUSTIN TIMO -"

"BONES! HOW DARE YOU -"

"THY FINCH-FLETCHLEY! I DEMAND THAT YOU CEASE TO -"

Both Howlers seemed to be from the same person, and it was the voice of a young boy. Surprisingly, both letters continued on and matched one another word for word.

"DISRESPECT TINSEL! TINSEL IS A NECESSARY ITEM, ESPECIALLY AT THIS TIME OF YEAR! I WON'T HEAR ANOTHER WORD FROM YOU AGAINST IT AND THAT'S THAT!"

Everyone stared as the two envelopes burnt themselves to ashes.

"What the hell?" Susan managed finally.

"Good question," Justin muttered. "Who on earth...?"

"Lavender," Harry said quietly. He gestured to her Howler. She sighed, nodded and opened it.

"WHOEVER RECEIVES THIS HOWLER," a haughty sounding woman began. "BE AWARE THAT YOU HAVE RECEIVED IT FOR A REASON. YOU, WHOEVER YOU ARE, SHOULD BE AWARE THAT YOUR NAME SMELLS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME."

"That was..."

"Incredibly random," Parvati finished for her best friend. Lavender smiled at her.

Ron, noticing that his own envelope was beginning to smoke, needed no prompting from Harry to open it. The person who began shouting at him was a distraught-sounding young woman.

"RONALD WEASLEY, EVERYONE IN YOUR PRESENCE IS ENTITLED TO KNOW THAT YOU ARE A JERK! A TOTAL, COMPLETE, UNFEELING JERK! HOW COULD YOU JUST LEAVE ME WHEN YOU FOUND OUT ABOUT THE BABY! THIS IS YOUR CHILD! HOW CAN YOU JUST ABANDON IT? ARSEHOLE."

All eyes turned to Ron, who was bright red. "I've never...I mean, even if...I wouldn't! And I'm not, I mean, gah!"

Colin patted him on the shoulder sympathetically. "I know how you feel. Malfoy, your letter is smoking."

The Slytherin jumped in surprise but quickly opened his Howler. The voice, surprisingly, belonged to Remus Lupin.

"DRACO LUCIUS MALFOY, I AM DISGUSTED WITH YOUR BEHAVIOUR! HONESTLY, YOUNG MAN, JUST WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE TO DO THIS TO MY POOR GODSON? HARRY WANTED NOTHING MORE THAN TO SPEND CHRISTMAS WITH ALL OF HIS FRIENDS, INCLUDING YOU, AND YOU DARE TO KICK HIM OUT OF HIS OWN BED? THIS SIMPLY CANNOT GO ON. I DEMAND THAT YOU ALLOW HARRY TO SLEEP IN HIS OWN BED IMMEDIATELY, AND GRACEFULLY ACCEPT THE COUCH IN THE COMMON ROOM WHERE POOR HARRY HAS BEEN FORCED TO SLEEP!"

Draco blinked. "You told Lupin that I kicked you out of your bed?"

Harry shook his head. "Nope. No idea how he found out. And don't worry about it; I'm happy on the couch - though I'm not sure how you can stand Ron's snoring."

The other boy snorted. "After five and a half years of Crabbe and Goyle? It's like heaven. Lovegood, are you waiting for that to explode?"

Luna glanced at her Howler in surprise. "I was considering it, yes, but as you are undoubtedly about to ask so kindly, I think I will open it."

"Er, good?"

"LUNA," Harry's voice began. "YOU HAVE A STRANGE FETISH FOR GLITTER, TINSEL AND OTHER SHINY OR SPARKLY OBJECTS. THAT IS ALL."

Her Howler, naturally, did not burst into flames but exploded quite dramatically and covered everyone in red glitter.

"Ooh, pretty!" Luna exclaimed, inspecting herself.

Hermione slowly turned and gave Harry a Look. Harry attempted to smile innocently, but Hermione knew him too well. He winced.

Theodore noticed this exchange. "So, we have Harry to thank for any permanent hearing damage, then?"

Harry gave a guilty grin. "Yeah...except for Draco's. That one really was from Remus, but only because he walked in on me when I was trying to replicate his voice for it."

Everyone exchanged glances.

Blaise turned to Harry. "Har?"

"Yeah?"

"Run."

Harry did so.