Categories > Anime/Manga > Fruits Basket > Cat of The Zodiac: Kyou Sohma
Chapter 8: Falling in Love with Love
1 review"Oh Ha'ri, it's perfect. I think you've really captured Kyou's feminine beauty. Won't it look perfect next to Yuki's picture?"
1Insightful
Disclaimer; I do not own fruitsbasket or the title "Falling in Love with Love" that's all Roger and Hammerstein's
A/N: Scroll down to the bottom and click 'submit review' button. Leave that window open just put it to the side of your desktop. Scroll back up to the top. When you see the '_' take a minute to see if you have any questions or comments and jot them down.
This chapter I give special thanks to my new beta Ivy Frasca/Callier/Corrupted Phoenix/Rakki-Bakkas/PoisonIvyChick she amazing! Everyone love her! This chapter dedicated to her even.
Chapter 8: Falling in Love with Love
Akito woke in the night, in pain. He glared at the stars, dressed in gracefully slouching robes as his body tingled. It was the good sort of pain though, just an eerie sort of sickness, the kind of pain that you knew there was more to, the nagging sort of annoyance of a pain. Akito knew this sort of pain all too well; these were empathic pains, the pain that sat in Akito's poor, ill little gut. It was all the fault of the "pets", those disgusting creatures.
Akito liked this pain; it made him happy. He would soon be able to exercise his power in one way or another. Pain meant change, for the worse or for the better Akito did not know, nor did it matter as long as he would be in the action. Long gone were his strongest days when he won the big battles; keeping Yuki at the main house, protecting Hatori from being taken away from him by Kana, keeping Shigure on the Sohma lands. He did not fool himself; he knew his days were coming to an end, for that was the reason he had allowed so many changes in the last three years. For now the family would continue to believe that it was simply leniency or, dare they think, kindness; or at the worst, he was going senile.
In truth, he was preparing for death. He had known of his mortality from his first moment of self-consciousness, but he had never been prepared. His demise had been planned for, scheduled to a T from what he knew of it, but now for what he felt would be his last eighteen months of his life he was ready for what little life he had left, finally able to accept death. That is why he was abdicating his power to Shigure and Tohru, to leave the family with fond memories of his kindness.
The first years of their reign would be marked with happiness attributed to Akito, or his death; it mattered not which as long as he was accredited in memory. Of course their empire would fall like so many well-intentioned utopian societies of centuries past; they would be blamed for the dissolution of the once-great Sohma family and the pain their rule would cause. When that happened, long dead, he would smile in his grave as the family spoke of how much better life had been when he was around and how treacherous the life of the family was because of Kyou and Tohru.
He could already feel the grin on his face, but it was still cold. It was not true happiness because his heart wrenched with the pain he knew each of his pets would experience in these days of the future he dreamed of. That was a sad thought, too, that his only happiness would be derived from pain and even then it would never be true contentment. Nonetheless pain was what he had, pain was what he could be thankful for, pain was what he would fondly remember, and pain was what he would look forward to in his future. So he would smile, smile and wait.
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Shigure's house held less tension that night. Shigure, Tohru, and Kyou were relaxed and at peace, ready to settle down for bed. Yuki on the other hand was still pissed and confused. He didn't know what terms he was on with Kyou. Kyou hadn't forgiven him, he knew, and he knew it would be sometime before he could regain Kyou's trust, otherwise Kyou wouldn't have slept that night in Tohru's room, using her as a human watchdog to ward off the rat.
As Yuki thought it over again for the millionth time he made a conclusion. What it really came down to was, what did Kyou want?
It was not what Yuki wanted, or what he did right, or what he did wrong, or whether Kyou was gay or straight, or whether or not he was attracted to Yuki. In the end it was Kyou's choice, his decision, if he wanted Yuki to be more to him than his nemesis.
That was what mattered, whether Kyou wanted him, the rat, the one he'd hated for all those years. There had been more between them in those past four months, more than they'd had in all the time they had known each other. They became more than just cousins and rivals. They had been confidants, friends; they had been intimate.
From that night when they had shared scars, pasts, a common fear, they'd had a different relationship. Kyou had come to trust Yuki even before Yuki had fathomed putting his trust in Kyou. He had gone to Yuki for comfort and had trusted Yuki not to betray his weakness to his enemies and in the end Yuki had been trustworthy. Despite that Kyou challenged Yuki's trust mercilessly it was as if he had seen straight into Yuki's mind and heart, seen that fear that was not meant for him to see, to be hurt by words yet to be spoken, treachery yet to be committed. That had forced all the dissonant thoughts; Yuki's fears, uncertainties, fantasies to the surface of his consciousness. It had made Yuki think, think of what value he placed in Kyou, evaluate and realize how little cause he had given Kyou to trust him, and yet he did anyway. He realized he wanted that trust, that love, and that nothing else would satisfy him like Kyou could.
And as he began to welcome that idea he was tested again. Kyou became injured, ill, weak and depressed. For the first time Yuki cared; he tried to help Kyou and he was rejected, pushed away. When he was denied that first time he stopped trying, wallowed in self-pity. Shigure told him not to give up, but he stagnated battling within his own mind when he should have been there with Kyou, trying to get through to him. If Momiji had not come it would have been a lost cause.
Then Kyou welcomed him, Yuki, his support and his friend back into his arms and they were in bliss, honeymoon. Happiness, love, and warm feelings, sharing secrets, troubles, hopes; mutual respect, mutual love. They were protected and safe in an embrace, leaning on the arms of one another. That was peace and unity and happiness that had been made just for them.
And then Yuki had gotten this stupid notion of love, of being in love, like it was some great thing that had never happened before, something miraculous to happen between two boys, between a cat and a rat. And then, even worse, he went and got attached to the idea, fell in love with romance; it was safe, comfortable, lovely. It was love between male Zodiac members, long established, fabled as the only way for them to truly be understood and have a lasting, happy relationship. It was love between the cat and the rat, a perfect paradox, contradictorily beautiful. Therein was its flaw; it was too perfect, too lovable to work.
While he was 'in love', starry-eyed and stupid, he had made a dumb mistake. Lost and enchanted by being 'in love' he misinterpreted Kyou's words and actions; he had himself believing that Kyou was feeling the same way, thinking the same things, that he had fallen 'in love' with Yuki. So he made a brave, daring, stupid move; he kissed Kyou, full-on, boy x boy, open mouth kiss, very effectively scaring Kyou right out of Yuki's arms. It had been a misunderstanding and they were both upset; no, more like as murderous as black Haru.
As pissed off as Yuki was at Kyou, more than anything he wanted Kyou back. He knew he didn't deserve Kyou, who had put so much on the line, done so much for an idiot who ruined it all, who spoiled something so sweet and pure he had created with modern day notions of romance and love; it was unforgivable. Nevertheless he had to hope that he had another chance, that this was the third test. Yuki was running out of retakes; the first he had been too slow and the second too sure, too confident, too blind. He had to believe that this time he might pass and stop breaking Kyou's heart. Kyou had every right to give up on the dead-last dope too stupid to prove that he could be true to the one person he loved most. To survive Yuki had to believe that he wasn't already out of chances, that this time he would be able to make it up to Kyou after letting him down twice.
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"Tohru, thanks."
"No problem, Kyou."
Tohru and Kyou were preparing for bed in Tohru's room. For modesty's sake Kyou had donned a pair of proper pajamas, a button-down nightshirt and long drawstring bottoms instead of his usual boxers and t-shirt.
"I'm just sorry that you and Yuki feel this way," Tohru admitted remorsefully. "It's so hard to watch you in so much pain."
Tohru sat beside Kyou on the bed, tilting her head thoughtfully in Kyou's direction careful of actually leaning her head on Kyou's shoulder for fear of an accidental hug. They had long since argued over who would take the bed. Tohru insisted that Kyou should take it, being the guest in her room, that it was only hospitable of her to insist he have it. Kyou argued that he had been the one to ask to spend the night and therefore couldn't possibly inconvenience Tohru further by taking her bed ("Stupid! I asked to stay in your room, I can't take your bed too."), and that the only chivalrous thing to do would be to take the floor himself ("You're a girl, you shouldn't sleep on the floor. If I can handle sleeping on rocks with Shishou I can handle one night on the floor! Besides, I sleep better on the floor anyway."). Tohru had won the argument with, "If I were the one asking to spend the night in your room you'd do the same for me, right?" She had said it with the smile that was always more than effective at destroying Kyou's resolve, and Kyou had replied silently with Even then you'd never accept the offer.
"Why can't things be easier?" Tohru sighed unexpectedly into Kyou's shoulder.
"You're telling me. I wish I knew Tohru." Kyou leaned to the side, closing the distance between Tohru's head and his shoulder, throwing caution to the wind.
Surprised, Tohru breathed a soft "oh" and tilted her head further in, embraced by Kyou's neck and shoulder. Kyou, in turn, rested his head on Tohru's, far too absorbed in his own issues to wonder why she wanted things to be easier. Why did the pillar of strength who wanted to keep all her memories, good and bad, the one who felt that everyone had a reason to live despite the work it sometimes took to find it, would want things to be easier. Not Miss "Never Give Up!" It couldn't have happened; blasphemy.
So Kyou and Tohru just sat miserably and sighed at each other, finding comfort in the closest they could get to an embrace.
Yuki, Yuki, Yuki
Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki
You're such an asshole.
Without you, who do I have left?
Who else can I tell those things?
I needed you, you fucking asshole.
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As expected Kyou and Yuki's falling out had changed the household into a cold and tense place. Anytime Yuki gravitated toward Kyou, any small wanderings, even brushing against each other in hall, Kyou would become more removed, sequestering himself alone or with Tohru. It continued to hurt the both of them, taking an empathic toll on Shigure and Tohru as well. Kyou also continued to sleep in Tohru's room, infuriating Yuki.
One evening after dinner Yuki caught a glimpse of Kyou and Tohru in the kitchen cleaning up. One of them must have just said something funny, because the two of them were giggling, shoulder to shoulder, each clutching a dish, trying to calm themselves down enough to finish. They continued to grin at each other as the laughter subsided, until finally Tohru was drying the last dish and Kyou was draining the water from the sink. They turned and their eyes met, and all at once their laughter started again, wild and content, and continued as Tohru took Kyou's hand in hers and led him out of the kitchen. Yuki made as though he had been going to get a glass of water as he enviously watched Tohru leave with Kyou's hand in hers, managing a, "Goodnight, Yuki," between peals of laughter.
It was more than Yuki could stand.
Seeing Kyou laugh was such a marvelous thing and it was so bittersweet that it wasn't shared with him. It had reminded Yuki of a moment he'd had with Kyou just two weeks before.
Flashback
"Yuki?"
"Yeah Kyou?"
"Well, I've been trying to figure out why you like Tohru so much when there are so many other girls who are interested in you, and I thought it's not just because she's pretty, cause some girls that chase you are equally pretty; and it's not that she's really sexy because Tohru usually wears clothes that stay under the radar . . .
"So it must be because . . . You know you can beat her in Ping Pong," Kyou said with a grin.
It sent Yuki into a fit of giggles, instantly recalling an image of Tohru sternly brandishing a paddle. Kyou joined him shortly after, laughing powerfully, no longer able to suppress it as a snicker. Yuki's laughter had overwhelmed him; he was shaking, leaned over the table, his forehead pressed within the hollow of his folded arms.
They continued laughing for a long time, and Kyou had attempted to calm Yuki down by running his fingers through Yuki's hair because his laughter would start anew each time he heard one of Yuki's giggles.
End Flashback
Yuki cried.
He couldn't sit around anymore. If he wanted to pass this test it was time to act.
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Yuki crept out of his room very early that next morning.
Since they had been sharing a room Yuki and Tohru had adjusted their sleep schedules, Kyou had started sleeping a bit later, not to wake Tohru up in the mornings, and Tohru, thinking that Kyou was sleeping later because he was upset and needed more rest began sleeping later as well. Both of them had started going to bed earlier so they wouldn't disturb each other. They really were a pair sometimes.
Even with the two of them sleeping later it was still too early for Yuki.
knock, knock [1]
Yuki gently turned the knob on Tohru's door and entered the room.
The sun hadn't risen yet, so Tohru's room was bathed in twilight. Yuki was surprised to see two figures in Tohru's bed, comfortably sprawled among the quilts. Once Yuki had seen the two of them he felt a bit like a voyeur. Kyou had stretched the entire length of the bed, almost diagonally, facing away form Tohru, who was curled up behind him, almost nuzzled into his back. The way they lay so innocently, unashamedly, intimately, made Yuki feel bad about disturbing them. They looked so content; it was adorable, like a pair of kittens. Yuki almost couldn't feel jealous because they were so cute. Almost.
Yuki finally worked up the nerve and gently shook Kyou's shoulder. Kyou took a generous stretch, slightly jostling Tohru, before his eyes flashed open.
"Yuki . . .?" Kyou said sleepily rubbing his eyes. He sat up shaking off the sleep.
"What are you doing in here? . . . What do you want?" Kyou stood, his first words that morning sounding hoarse and colored with a bit of a whine at his displeasure of being awoken in an unusual way.
Kyou yawned and stretched again, reaching as high as he could with his arms, His chest filled and rose, his stomach lengthening and narrowing. Kyou rose to his toes, completing the stretch, before relaxing to his normal stature. Sleep had finally given up on reclaiming Kyou for itself, and Kyou was now giving Yuki an accusatory look.
"I want . . . I need to talk to you."
Kyou shot him an angry look and opened his mouth to shout at Yuki, but he stopped himself. His gaze became less angry, but more intense and searching. He resigned with a sigh and nodded an affirmative.
Yuki led Kyou out to the back porch, they both sat on down on the edge, looking to the left, where the sun was rising. Yuki quickly regretted going out there; with the sun rising as it was, and them sitting side by side instead of facing each other, it would be difficult to judge Kyou's reactions. On the other hand, if you thought about it, the setting was what most people would consider romantic. Of course Yuki had no time for thoughts like that, at least not yet.
Kyou was getting anxious. He wanted to tell Yuki to hurry up, but he didn't want to fight with Yuki, not after successfully avoiding it for so long. Kyou was getting that unsettling feeling that made him want to yell.
When Yuki got ready to speak his jealousy appeared and he wanted to say, "Well it looked like you and Tohru got pretty cozy," but he reprimanded himself for even thinking it. He knew that the position he saw them in was completely innocent, and that he had no reason to think he had any claim over Kyou anyway.
Finally he spoke up.
"Kyou . . . I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I should have apologized right then and there. I shouldn't have gotten angry. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed . . . that you wanted the same thing I did. I was stupid and insensitive. [2]
"I have so much remorse for what I've done. I've learned my lesson never to take things for granted. So I came to ask you two things. First, will you forgive me?"
Yuki wanted to look at Kyou. He wanted to meet Kyou's gaze, to have confidence and ask the question with his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to do it. His eyes remained lowered and he occasionally glanced toward the horizon.
Kyou hadn't expected an apology and didn't know if he could offer forgiveness. He was speechless, so he just let Yuki hear his thoughts.
"Yuki . . . I trusted you . . . What you did, it made me lose a lot of that trust in you . . ."
He glanced at Yuki slumped over, looking tiny, so young and forlorn. He looked as if he was clinging to his last hope; once he lost that he'd have nothing, be nothing. He'd fall down dead.
Kyou still didn't feel ready to give an answer. It would take so much for things to be right between them again. Yuki had really screwed it up, but then again, here he was, brutally honestly apologizing, and it meant a lot. He would rather have hugged Yuki at the moment to stop him from looking so sad, but that's not what Yuki needed.
"Yes . . . I can. I forgive you."
Yuki was a little surprised; Kyou had said those things and had been taking so long to answer. He had, Yuki had heard it. He really said 'I forgive you'.
He really said it!
The realization shook him; he was awed. He slowly raised his head and brought his eyes to meet Kyou's.
There it was, a moment, when their eyes met. It was such a serious and important moment for the two of them.
Yuki's eyes held this burning warmth that was so true, something Kyou had never seen in those violet eyes. Yuki was open completely and that little bit of hope that Kyou had seen was now spread through him, in his veins like liquid sunshine. And he was waiting.
He was waiting to do something, and he wouldn't do it until Kyou was ready. Just as he wouldn't let the smile in his eyes grace his face yet. That warmth that Yuki wouldn't let himself feel completely was prolonging the time it would take before they could assure each other and have physical contact.
And how did Kyou feel? How did he look?
Kyou was visibly relieved that Yuki was looking better now that he had been able to forgive. He also knew better than he should have that something bigger was coming, a challenge that he didn't know if he could face and a conclusion that he was unsure of. So he couldn't let his guard down. He had to stay impassive; had to! Otherwise he would just rise up to be let down again . . . painfully.
In was good that in the blinding orange sunlight it was difficult for them to see each other's faces. Yuki would have been heartbroken at Kyou's lack of emotion and Kyou might not have been able to hold his impassive mask if he could see Yuki's raw emotion that clearly.
"So," Kyou trudged slowly forward, "What is the second thing?"
"May I have one last chance?"
"For what?" It wasn't sarcastic or caustic or accusatory, just a pure question for the sake of better understanding.
"To prove . . ."
And, for once, Yuki didn't think before he spoke, but let the words come from his heart.
"...that I love you...
"...that I can be your friend . . .
"...that you can trust me again."
Tears were falling from Yuki's eyes from the honesty of what he was saying.
Kyou spoke, "I didn't want . . ."
"I know . . . You have to know, just now, I didn't mean /that/, I meant real love."
It had been so much more than Yuki had thought it would be, than 15 minutes ago he had understood it to be.
Kyou started again, "And if I . . ."
"If you don't feel the same way . . . I'll understand."
And there were more questions that would come up, but those could wait.
"Okay." And it wasn't quite a blessing or a curse. It was an opportunity, for something good. It afforded a small lopsided smile on Kyou's face.
He was trying so hard, because, that, 'Okay.' hadn't meant 'everything is going to be alright.' It meant, 'rough times are coming.' It was now Kyou who looked like he needed a hug.
Yuki was more that willing to oblige.
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"Yuki, why am I wearing this?"
"Well you see... I was kind of daydreaming during council meeting and I happened to mutter your name . . . and you see they thought I was talking about the culture festival."
A vein pulsed on Kyou's forehead.
"If I see any damn pictures of me in this stupid dress I will kill you, and I don't mean with my bare hands. Poison, explosives, Jason, whatever it takes."
"I promise Kyou. I won't let you see any pictures," Yuki said between snickering.
"Kyou you should really see it, you look even cuter than Yuki did last year." Tohru beamed at him.
"Really Kyon, you could make a living of it, you're stunning," Uo added.
"One of the best cross dressers I've seen," said Haru.
Momiji eyed Kyou as well. "I dunno . . . for my money Ritsu's still the best."
"How much longer do I have to wear this damn thing?"
A camera flash illuminated Kyou.
"Just long enough for me to get a shot of it."
Hatori, Ayame, and Shigure appeared, fussing over the Polaroid Hatori had just taken.
"Oh Ha'ri, it's perfect. I think you've really captured Kyou's feminine beauty. Won't it look perfect next to Yuki's picture?"
"You know, if you boys really like these dresses so much why don't you come by my shop and get fitted for something tailor-made?"
"NO!"
"HELL NO!"
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End Chapter Eight
[1] How many times have I used this?
[2]Heh, It seems Yuki totally lacks the qualities his fan club idolizes him for.
So umm yeah, that's how things go, three more chapters and an epilogue left to this story.
Now my fans . . . my fic, which steals my soul has been archived at the site www.kyouke.transfactions.net (which is a great site for everyone who loves Kyou) anyone who frequents this site know that the fics there are mostly canon(can happen in or after the story without altering the author's original plot) and there my fic was edited to include 'The Bet" (I know blasphemy for me, right). Anyway my original intention for the story was to be canon so I need the fans' input. I have come to accept the fact that there is pretty conclusive evidence that Akito is a female. I can very easily edit the previous chapters to make Akito female (she could have raped Kyou with a false phallus, in his state of inebriation he wouldn't have known the difference) I feel no need to include 'The Bet' except that Kyou would ask Akito for a year to search for the cure after graduation before being 'caged.' However for future chapters I will need to decide on a gender for Akito. This is very important to the story (sorry, trying hard not to spoil). So I need you to help me make several decisions:
1. First should the story be:
a. Manga canon. to include all those nasty bits like 'The Bet' and whatever come up in the future.
b. Anime canon. to include Yuki going after Kyou during his transformation (yay!) and pretty much give me artistic license for what comes after.
or c. Alternate Universe. meaning I get to do whatever the hell I want with it.
2. Should Akito be;
a. female
b. shemale
c. male
d. transgendered (post-op)
(please consider the the value of properly functioning reproductive parts)
Now if anyone has any comments feel free to voice them now.
I love you all
Till next time,
Angelicattie
*Editor's Note: Am I allowed to have one of these? -ponders- Well, this is just about the gender of Akito confusion; keep in mind that, while editing this chapter, Angelica and I went back and forth over this issue. For the sake of older chapters and chapters to come Akito is portrayed in Chapter Eight as a male, but the future of the story will be affected by the decision given by the outcome of the votes in your reviews, so please review with your ideas! Once again please keep in mind the value of properly functioning reproductive parts, per Angelica's request. :) And thanks so much for the dedication, Ange. This chapter was actually kind of fun to edit, after all the gender changes. XD I got to read it first as well!
-feels overwhelmingly special-
See, OMG don't you love my beta, she's soo cute and thoughtful! beams
A/N: Scroll down to the bottom and click 'submit review' button. Leave that window open just put it to the side of your desktop. Scroll back up to the top. When you see the '_' take a minute to see if you have any questions or comments and jot them down.
This chapter I give special thanks to my new beta Ivy Frasca/Callier/Corrupted Phoenix/Rakki-Bakkas/PoisonIvyChick she amazing! Everyone love her! This chapter dedicated to her even.
Chapter 8: Falling in Love with Love
Akito woke in the night, in pain. He glared at the stars, dressed in gracefully slouching robes as his body tingled. It was the good sort of pain though, just an eerie sort of sickness, the kind of pain that you knew there was more to, the nagging sort of annoyance of a pain. Akito knew this sort of pain all too well; these were empathic pains, the pain that sat in Akito's poor, ill little gut. It was all the fault of the "pets", those disgusting creatures.
Akito liked this pain; it made him happy. He would soon be able to exercise his power in one way or another. Pain meant change, for the worse or for the better Akito did not know, nor did it matter as long as he would be in the action. Long gone were his strongest days when he won the big battles; keeping Yuki at the main house, protecting Hatori from being taken away from him by Kana, keeping Shigure on the Sohma lands. He did not fool himself; he knew his days were coming to an end, for that was the reason he had allowed so many changes in the last three years. For now the family would continue to believe that it was simply leniency or, dare they think, kindness; or at the worst, he was going senile.
In truth, he was preparing for death. He had known of his mortality from his first moment of self-consciousness, but he had never been prepared. His demise had been planned for, scheduled to a T from what he knew of it, but now for what he felt would be his last eighteen months of his life he was ready for what little life he had left, finally able to accept death. That is why he was abdicating his power to Shigure and Tohru, to leave the family with fond memories of his kindness.
The first years of their reign would be marked with happiness attributed to Akito, or his death; it mattered not which as long as he was accredited in memory. Of course their empire would fall like so many well-intentioned utopian societies of centuries past; they would be blamed for the dissolution of the once-great Sohma family and the pain their rule would cause. When that happened, long dead, he would smile in his grave as the family spoke of how much better life had been when he was around and how treacherous the life of the family was because of Kyou and Tohru.
He could already feel the grin on his face, but it was still cold. It was not true happiness because his heart wrenched with the pain he knew each of his pets would experience in these days of the future he dreamed of. That was a sad thought, too, that his only happiness would be derived from pain and even then it would never be true contentment. Nonetheless pain was what he had, pain was what he could be thankful for, pain was what he would fondly remember, and pain was what he would look forward to in his future. So he would smile, smile and wait.
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Shigure's house held less tension that night. Shigure, Tohru, and Kyou were relaxed and at peace, ready to settle down for bed. Yuki on the other hand was still pissed and confused. He didn't know what terms he was on with Kyou. Kyou hadn't forgiven him, he knew, and he knew it would be sometime before he could regain Kyou's trust, otherwise Kyou wouldn't have slept that night in Tohru's room, using her as a human watchdog to ward off the rat.
As Yuki thought it over again for the millionth time he made a conclusion. What it really came down to was, what did Kyou want?
It was not what Yuki wanted, or what he did right, or what he did wrong, or whether Kyou was gay or straight, or whether or not he was attracted to Yuki. In the end it was Kyou's choice, his decision, if he wanted Yuki to be more to him than his nemesis.
That was what mattered, whether Kyou wanted him, the rat, the one he'd hated for all those years. There had been more between them in those past four months, more than they'd had in all the time they had known each other. They became more than just cousins and rivals. They had been confidants, friends; they had been intimate.
From that night when they had shared scars, pasts, a common fear, they'd had a different relationship. Kyou had come to trust Yuki even before Yuki had fathomed putting his trust in Kyou. He had gone to Yuki for comfort and had trusted Yuki not to betray his weakness to his enemies and in the end Yuki had been trustworthy. Despite that Kyou challenged Yuki's trust mercilessly it was as if he had seen straight into Yuki's mind and heart, seen that fear that was not meant for him to see, to be hurt by words yet to be spoken, treachery yet to be committed. That had forced all the dissonant thoughts; Yuki's fears, uncertainties, fantasies to the surface of his consciousness. It had made Yuki think, think of what value he placed in Kyou, evaluate and realize how little cause he had given Kyou to trust him, and yet he did anyway. He realized he wanted that trust, that love, and that nothing else would satisfy him like Kyou could.
And as he began to welcome that idea he was tested again. Kyou became injured, ill, weak and depressed. For the first time Yuki cared; he tried to help Kyou and he was rejected, pushed away. When he was denied that first time he stopped trying, wallowed in self-pity. Shigure told him not to give up, but he stagnated battling within his own mind when he should have been there with Kyou, trying to get through to him. If Momiji had not come it would have been a lost cause.
Then Kyou welcomed him, Yuki, his support and his friend back into his arms and they were in bliss, honeymoon. Happiness, love, and warm feelings, sharing secrets, troubles, hopes; mutual respect, mutual love. They were protected and safe in an embrace, leaning on the arms of one another. That was peace and unity and happiness that had been made just for them.
And then Yuki had gotten this stupid notion of love, of being in love, like it was some great thing that had never happened before, something miraculous to happen between two boys, between a cat and a rat. And then, even worse, he went and got attached to the idea, fell in love with romance; it was safe, comfortable, lovely. It was love between male Zodiac members, long established, fabled as the only way for them to truly be understood and have a lasting, happy relationship. It was love between the cat and the rat, a perfect paradox, contradictorily beautiful. Therein was its flaw; it was too perfect, too lovable to work.
While he was 'in love', starry-eyed and stupid, he had made a dumb mistake. Lost and enchanted by being 'in love' he misinterpreted Kyou's words and actions; he had himself believing that Kyou was feeling the same way, thinking the same things, that he had fallen 'in love' with Yuki. So he made a brave, daring, stupid move; he kissed Kyou, full-on, boy x boy, open mouth kiss, very effectively scaring Kyou right out of Yuki's arms. It had been a misunderstanding and they were both upset; no, more like as murderous as black Haru.
As pissed off as Yuki was at Kyou, more than anything he wanted Kyou back. He knew he didn't deserve Kyou, who had put so much on the line, done so much for an idiot who ruined it all, who spoiled something so sweet and pure he had created with modern day notions of romance and love; it was unforgivable. Nevertheless he had to hope that he had another chance, that this was the third test. Yuki was running out of retakes; the first he had been too slow and the second too sure, too confident, too blind. He had to believe that this time he might pass and stop breaking Kyou's heart. Kyou had every right to give up on the dead-last dope too stupid to prove that he could be true to the one person he loved most. To survive Yuki had to believe that he wasn't already out of chances, that this time he would be able to make it up to Kyou after letting him down twice.
__________________________________________________________________
"Tohru, thanks."
"No problem, Kyou."
Tohru and Kyou were preparing for bed in Tohru's room. For modesty's sake Kyou had donned a pair of proper pajamas, a button-down nightshirt and long drawstring bottoms instead of his usual boxers and t-shirt.
"I'm just sorry that you and Yuki feel this way," Tohru admitted remorsefully. "It's so hard to watch you in so much pain."
Tohru sat beside Kyou on the bed, tilting her head thoughtfully in Kyou's direction careful of actually leaning her head on Kyou's shoulder for fear of an accidental hug. They had long since argued over who would take the bed. Tohru insisted that Kyou should take it, being the guest in her room, that it was only hospitable of her to insist he have it. Kyou argued that he had been the one to ask to spend the night and therefore couldn't possibly inconvenience Tohru further by taking her bed ("Stupid! I asked to stay in your room, I can't take your bed too."), and that the only chivalrous thing to do would be to take the floor himself ("You're a girl, you shouldn't sleep on the floor. If I can handle sleeping on rocks with Shishou I can handle one night on the floor! Besides, I sleep better on the floor anyway."). Tohru had won the argument with, "If I were the one asking to spend the night in your room you'd do the same for me, right?" She had said it with the smile that was always more than effective at destroying Kyou's resolve, and Kyou had replied silently with Even then you'd never accept the offer.
"Why can't things be easier?" Tohru sighed unexpectedly into Kyou's shoulder.
"You're telling me. I wish I knew Tohru." Kyou leaned to the side, closing the distance between Tohru's head and his shoulder, throwing caution to the wind.
Surprised, Tohru breathed a soft "oh" and tilted her head further in, embraced by Kyou's neck and shoulder. Kyou, in turn, rested his head on Tohru's, far too absorbed in his own issues to wonder why she wanted things to be easier. Why did the pillar of strength who wanted to keep all her memories, good and bad, the one who felt that everyone had a reason to live despite the work it sometimes took to find it, would want things to be easier. Not Miss "Never Give Up!" It couldn't have happened; blasphemy.
So Kyou and Tohru just sat miserably and sighed at each other, finding comfort in the closest they could get to an embrace.
Yuki, Yuki, Yuki
Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki
You're such an asshole.
Without you, who do I have left?
Who else can I tell those things?
I needed you, you fucking asshole.
_________________________________________________________________
As expected Kyou and Yuki's falling out had changed the household into a cold and tense place. Anytime Yuki gravitated toward Kyou, any small wanderings, even brushing against each other in hall, Kyou would become more removed, sequestering himself alone or with Tohru. It continued to hurt the both of them, taking an empathic toll on Shigure and Tohru as well. Kyou also continued to sleep in Tohru's room, infuriating Yuki.
One evening after dinner Yuki caught a glimpse of Kyou and Tohru in the kitchen cleaning up. One of them must have just said something funny, because the two of them were giggling, shoulder to shoulder, each clutching a dish, trying to calm themselves down enough to finish. They continued to grin at each other as the laughter subsided, until finally Tohru was drying the last dish and Kyou was draining the water from the sink. They turned and their eyes met, and all at once their laughter started again, wild and content, and continued as Tohru took Kyou's hand in hers and led him out of the kitchen. Yuki made as though he had been going to get a glass of water as he enviously watched Tohru leave with Kyou's hand in hers, managing a, "Goodnight, Yuki," between peals of laughter.
It was more than Yuki could stand.
Seeing Kyou laugh was such a marvelous thing and it was so bittersweet that it wasn't shared with him. It had reminded Yuki of a moment he'd had with Kyou just two weeks before.
Flashback
"Yuki?"
"Yeah Kyou?"
"Well, I've been trying to figure out why you like Tohru so much when there are so many other girls who are interested in you, and I thought it's not just because she's pretty, cause some girls that chase you are equally pretty; and it's not that she's really sexy because Tohru usually wears clothes that stay under the radar . . .
"So it must be because . . . You know you can beat her in Ping Pong," Kyou said with a grin.
It sent Yuki into a fit of giggles, instantly recalling an image of Tohru sternly brandishing a paddle. Kyou joined him shortly after, laughing powerfully, no longer able to suppress it as a snicker. Yuki's laughter had overwhelmed him; he was shaking, leaned over the table, his forehead pressed within the hollow of his folded arms.
They continued laughing for a long time, and Kyou had attempted to calm Yuki down by running his fingers through Yuki's hair because his laughter would start anew each time he heard one of Yuki's giggles.
End Flashback
Yuki cried.
He couldn't sit around anymore. If he wanted to pass this test it was time to act.
_________________________________________________________________
Yuki crept out of his room very early that next morning.
Since they had been sharing a room Yuki and Tohru had adjusted their sleep schedules, Kyou had started sleeping a bit later, not to wake Tohru up in the mornings, and Tohru, thinking that Kyou was sleeping later because he was upset and needed more rest began sleeping later as well. Both of them had started going to bed earlier so they wouldn't disturb each other. They really were a pair sometimes.
Even with the two of them sleeping later it was still too early for Yuki.
knock, knock [1]
Yuki gently turned the knob on Tohru's door and entered the room.
The sun hadn't risen yet, so Tohru's room was bathed in twilight. Yuki was surprised to see two figures in Tohru's bed, comfortably sprawled among the quilts. Once Yuki had seen the two of them he felt a bit like a voyeur. Kyou had stretched the entire length of the bed, almost diagonally, facing away form Tohru, who was curled up behind him, almost nuzzled into his back. The way they lay so innocently, unashamedly, intimately, made Yuki feel bad about disturbing them. They looked so content; it was adorable, like a pair of kittens. Yuki almost couldn't feel jealous because they were so cute. Almost.
Yuki finally worked up the nerve and gently shook Kyou's shoulder. Kyou took a generous stretch, slightly jostling Tohru, before his eyes flashed open.
"Yuki . . .?" Kyou said sleepily rubbing his eyes. He sat up shaking off the sleep.
"What are you doing in here? . . . What do you want?" Kyou stood, his first words that morning sounding hoarse and colored with a bit of a whine at his displeasure of being awoken in an unusual way.
Kyou yawned and stretched again, reaching as high as he could with his arms, His chest filled and rose, his stomach lengthening and narrowing. Kyou rose to his toes, completing the stretch, before relaxing to his normal stature. Sleep had finally given up on reclaiming Kyou for itself, and Kyou was now giving Yuki an accusatory look.
"I want . . . I need to talk to you."
Kyou shot him an angry look and opened his mouth to shout at Yuki, but he stopped himself. His gaze became less angry, but more intense and searching. He resigned with a sigh and nodded an affirmative.
Yuki led Kyou out to the back porch, they both sat on down on the edge, looking to the left, where the sun was rising. Yuki quickly regretted going out there; with the sun rising as it was, and them sitting side by side instead of facing each other, it would be difficult to judge Kyou's reactions. On the other hand, if you thought about it, the setting was what most people would consider romantic. Of course Yuki had no time for thoughts like that, at least not yet.
Kyou was getting anxious. He wanted to tell Yuki to hurry up, but he didn't want to fight with Yuki, not after successfully avoiding it for so long. Kyou was getting that unsettling feeling that made him want to yell.
When Yuki got ready to speak his jealousy appeared and he wanted to say, "Well it looked like you and Tohru got pretty cozy," but he reprimanded himself for even thinking it. He knew that the position he saw them in was completely innocent, and that he had no reason to think he had any claim over Kyou anyway.
Finally he spoke up.
"Kyou . . . I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I should have apologized right then and there. I shouldn't have gotten angry. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have assumed . . . that you wanted the same thing I did. I was stupid and insensitive. [2]
"I have so much remorse for what I've done. I've learned my lesson never to take things for granted. So I came to ask you two things. First, will you forgive me?"
Yuki wanted to look at Kyou. He wanted to meet Kyou's gaze, to have confidence and ask the question with his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to do it. His eyes remained lowered and he occasionally glanced toward the horizon.
Kyou hadn't expected an apology and didn't know if he could offer forgiveness. He was speechless, so he just let Yuki hear his thoughts.
"Yuki . . . I trusted you . . . What you did, it made me lose a lot of that trust in you . . ."
He glanced at Yuki slumped over, looking tiny, so young and forlorn. He looked as if he was clinging to his last hope; once he lost that he'd have nothing, be nothing. He'd fall down dead.
Kyou still didn't feel ready to give an answer. It would take so much for things to be right between them again. Yuki had really screwed it up, but then again, here he was, brutally honestly apologizing, and it meant a lot. He would rather have hugged Yuki at the moment to stop him from looking so sad, but that's not what Yuki needed.
"Yes . . . I can. I forgive you."
Yuki was a little surprised; Kyou had said those things and had been taking so long to answer. He had, Yuki had heard it. He really said 'I forgive you'.
He really said it!
The realization shook him; he was awed. He slowly raised his head and brought his eyes to meet Kyou's.
There it was, a moment, when their eyes met. It was such a serious and important moment for the two of them.
Yuki's eyes held this burning warmth that was so true, something Kyou had never seen in those violet eyes. Yuki was open completely and that little bit of hope that Kyou had seen was now spread through him, in his veins like liquid sunshine. And he was waiting.
He was waiting to do something, and he wouldn't do it until Kyou was ready. Just as he wouldn't let the smile in his eyes grace his face yet. That warmth that Yuki wouldn't let himself feel completely was prolonging the time it would take before they could assure each other and have physical contact.
And how did Kyou feel? How did he look?
Kyou was visibly relieved that Yuki was looking better now that he had been able to forgive. He also knew better than he should have that something bigger was coming, a challenge that he didn't know if he could face and a conclusion that he was unsure of. So he couldn't let his guard down. He had to stay impassive; had to! Otherwise he would just rise up to be let down again . . . painfully.
In was good that in the blinding orange sunlight it was difficult for them to see each other's faces. Yuki would have been heartbroken at Kyou's lack of emotion and Kyou might not have been able to hold his impassive mask if he could see Yuki's raw emotion that clearly.
"So," Kyou trudged slowly forward, "What is the second thing?"
"May I have one last chance?"
"For what?" It wasn't sarcastic or caustic or accusatory, just a pure question for the sake of better understanding.
"To prove . . ."
And, for once, Yuki didn't think before he spoke, but let the words come from his heart.
"...that I love you...
"...that I can be your friend . . .
"...that you can trust me again."
Tears were falling from Yuki's eyes from the honesty of what he was saying.
Kyou spoke, "I didn't want . . ."
"I know . . . You have to know, just now, I didn't mean /that/, I meant real love."
It had been so much more than Yuki had thought it would be, than 15 minutes ago he had understood it to be.
Kyou started again, "And if I . . ."
"If you don't feel the same way . . . I'll understand."
And there were more questions that would come up, but those could wait.
"Okay." And it wasn't quite a blessing or a curse. It was an opportunity, for something good. It afforded a small lopsided smile on Kyou's face.
He was trying so hard, because, that, 'Okay.' hadn't meant 'everything is going to be alright.' It meant, 'rough times are coming.' It was now Kyou who looked like he needed a hug.
Yuki was more that willing to oblige.
_________________________________________________________________
"Yuki, why am I wearing this?"
"Well you see... I was kind of daydreaming during council meeting and I happened to mutter your name . . . and you see they thought I was talking about the culture festival."
A vein pulsed on Kyou's forehead.
"If I see any damn pictures of me in this stupid dress I will kill you, and I don't mean with my bare hands. Poison, explosives, Jason, whatever it takes."
"I promise Kyou. I won't let you see any pictures," Yuki said between snickering.
"Kyou you should really see it, you look even cuter than Yuki did last year." Tohru beamed at him.
"Really Kyon, you could make a living of it, you're stunning," Uo added.
"One of the best cross dressers I've seen," said Haru.
Momiji eyed Kyou as well. "I dunno . . . for my money Ritsu's still the best."
"How much longer do I have to wear this damn thing?"
A camera flash illuminated Kyou.
"Just long enough for me to get a shot of it."
Hatori, Ayame, and Shigure appeared, fussing over the Polaroid Hatori had just taken.
"Oh Ha'ri, it's perfect. I think you've really captured Kyou's feminine beauty. Won't it look perfect next to Yuki's picture?"
"You know, if you boys really like these dresses so much why don't you come by my shop and get fitted for something tailor-made?"
"NO!"
"HELL NO!"
_________________________________________________________________
End Chapter Eight
[1] How many times have I used this?
[2]Heh, It seems Yuki totally lacks the qualities his fan club idolizes him for.
So umm yeah, that's how things go, three more chapters and an epilogue left to this story.
Now my fans . . . my fic, which steals my soul has been archived at the site www.kyouke.transfactions.net (which is a great site for everyone who loves Kyou) anyone who frequents this site know that the fics there are mostly canon(can happen in or after the story without altering the author's original plot) and there my fic was edited to include 'The Bet" (I know blasphemy for me, right). Anyway my original intention for the story was to be canon so I need the fans' input. I have come to accept the fact that there is pretty conclusive evidence that Akito is a female. I can very easily edit the previous chapters to make Akito female (she could have raped Kyou with a false phallus, in his state of inebriation he wouldn't have known the difference) I feel no need to include 'The Bet' except that Kyou would ask Akito for a year to search for the cure after graduation before being 'caged.' However for future chapters I will need to decide on a gender for Akito. This is very important to the story (sorry, trying hard not to spoil). So I need you to help me make several decisions:
1. First should the story be:
a. Manga canon. to include all those nasty bits like 'The Bet' and whatever come up in the future.
b. Anime canon. to include Yuki going after Kyou during his transformation (yay!) and pretty much give me artistic license for what comes after.
or c. Alternate Universe. meaning I get to do whatever the hell I want with it.
2. Should Akito be;
a. female
b. shemale
c. male
d. transgendered (post-op)
(please consider the the value of properly functioning reproductive parts)
Now if anyone has any comments feel free to voice them now.
I love you all
Till next time,
Angelicattie
*Editor's Note: Am I allowed to have one of these? -ponders- Well, this is just about the gender of Akito confusion; keep in mind that, while editing this chapter, Angelica and I went back and forth over this issue. For the sake of older chapters and chapters to come Akito is portrayed in Chapter Eight as a male, but the future of the story will be affected by the decision given by the outcome of the votes in your reviews, so please review with your ideas! Once again please keep in mind the value of properly functioning reproductive parts, per Angelica's request. :) And thanks so much for the dedication, Ange. This chapter was actually kind of fun to edit, after all the gender changes. XD I got to read it first as well!
-feels overwhelmingly special-
See, OMG don't you love my beta, she's soo cute and thoughtful! beams
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