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Takamiya slid into the driver's seat, started the car, but sat there letting it idle. It was ridiculous, really, to feel so torn up about leaving, when the practical thing to do was to put as much distance as possible between Izumi and himself and never look back

"He must hate me now," sighed Takamiya and with that thought, he finally backed out of the driveway onto the road, and started the trip back to his hotel.

He motored down the side street, turned onto the main thoroughfare, and headed for the expressway on automatic pilot while he sifted through the events of the evening.

Not two hours ago, he'd been marveling at his good fortune, thinking how perfect the day had been, even planning the next date. Now, the bright hopes he'd held for maybe even building a relationship with Izumi had crumbled into dust. A chapter in his life was over now, ended before it even began. He was full of regret about how things had turned out.

"But, I liked him," Takamiya said in the empty silence of the sedan, "There were so many things I liked about him."

He began to replay the events of the day in his mind from the moment he'd seen the young man inhaling the perfume of the rose.

It wasn't just Izumi's looks that had attracted him. There was the youth's openness and spontaneity, the gentleness he'd displayed with the horse. His manners at the restaurant had charmed Takamiya, and even though he could tell that Izumi was a little shy, the youth had made an effort at conversation and Takamiya had liked that about him too.

"He wasn't just putting on a show for me. He's genuine and honest--and when I offered him the money--120,000 in yen-- he just threw it in my face like it was so much filth," he thought as he recalled Izumi's proud, righteous anger.

"That much money might have tempted a lot of boys his age, but not Izumi. He has character," Takamiya decided. "I like him. I can't help it, I really like him."

Takamiya had felt a magnetic attraction between them from the moment he took the rose from Izumi's hands. The second time he felt that chemistry was at the stable when he held Izumi in his arms, saving him from a near-fall when the horse got skittish. That moment had done much to build Izumi's trust in him. Then at the bar, when the youth leaned up against his shoulder, Takamiya had been so happy in the belief that Izumi trusted him completely.

"And through an honest mistake, I lost that trust when I had sex with him. My chances are ruined now," Takamiya groaned. The feeling of loss weighed heavily on him.

He flicked on the right turn signal light of his auto and started to change lanes only to find another car swerving across three lanes of traffic to cut dangerously close in front of him.

"Look out!" he shouted, as he applied the brakes just in time to avoid a collision. His heart beat wildly at the near miss.

"That was too close for comfort," Takamiya murmured. "I'd better concentrate on my driving if I don't want to get in an accident," he thought, yet not a minute later, he was struck by an idea.

"An accident," he said.

Looking back, it almost seemed as though the entire day had been one long accident, from the five-car pileup that made him forty minutes late, to Blue Boy's Izumi being carried away in an ambulance, to the rest of the full-blown disaster.

If Takamiya hadn't gotten stuck in traffic, he'd have been on time for his date with the other Izumi. Though he had allowed plenty of time and made an effort to get there early, it simply hadn't worked out.

"And whoever my Izumi was supposed to meet was either late due to the accident or never showed up at all. We were both just in the wrong place at the wrong time. That's how accidents happen," Takamiya reflected as he merged into the exit lane and pulled onto Shinjuku Avenue.

Then another idea struck him, more forcefully than the last as he turned into the entrance of the hotel car park.

"But, what if we weren't in the wrong place at the wrong time? What if it wasn't an accident? What if it was Fate? What if we were in the right place at the right time instead?"

His heart skipped a beat as he drove down the ramp.

"Yes, just suppose it wasn't an accident. Suppose, instead, we were fated to meet," he thought aloud as he pulled into the parking spot and turned the engine off.

Takamiya considered the possibility with some excitement as he went mechanically through the routine of getting from the lobby to his room with no more than the faintest recognition of his surroundings.

Had it all been just a bad mistake or was it destiny that had brought them together, he wondered as he opened the door to his suite and saw the bed where they had sex.

"Where he thought I raped him," Takamiya reminded himself.

The logical thing to do was to blot it all out of his mind as soon as possible, put it in the past, make a date with Blue Boy's Izumi and get on with life as planned.

"But Blue Boy's Izumi is probably in the hospital now. If Fate intended for us to meet, why didn't it happen? Didn't Kiichi plan to introduce us at the New Year's Party? I'm almost sure that Blue Boy's Izumi was who he had in mind, but it didn't happen then either. Was that a coincidence or fate?

So many coincidences brought me and my Izumi together today. A traffic accident. Two blind dates. Two people with the same name. Mistaken identities. The rose...

One coincidence, maybe two, constituted an accident, but four?

"So was it an accident or was it Fate?" Takamiya asked himself again.

It seemed there was no easy answer.

"It's crazy thinking this way, and anyway, how could he be the one I was supposed to meet? He must be ten years younger than me--and straight!"

"And even if I were able to get past his dislike, how can I regain his trust?"

Takamiya's mind sped on.

"And even if I did win him over, and he agreed to date me again, all I'm going to get is flak from a lot of people who will end up calling me a cradle robber--or worse! I can just imagine the jokes from Reiji, though I love him dearly."

"And what makes me think I could even get Izumi to forgive me. After all, he thought I raped him. No, no...it would have been better for both of us, if we had never met," Takamiya sighed.

Yet something within him that rejected the thought.

He undressed still shaking his head at the impossible situation, but when he slid into bed, he caught the scent of Izumi still on the sheets, and a sudden realization pierced his heart.

"But I'm in love with him!"

With his chest tight with mixed emotions of pain and joy, the sting of tears in his eyes, and a smile on his lips, Takamiya proclaimed it to the room, "I'm in love with Izumi!"

With that revelation, every one of his doubts vanished. It all seemed so clear to him now.

"Maybe it felt like rape to Izumi, but I was making love with him," he thought. "It wasn't just sex."

"And I'm glad I called the club while he was here. He overheard the conversation. He knows it wasn't intentional on my part. That, at least, is something in my favor.

His mind raced faster and faster.

So there are a few problems, so what? So they call me a cradle robber. So what? Shiki was quite a bit older than Reiji. That's right! And if Shiki were here now, I know damned well he wouldn't advise me to give up for a reason like that. He'd say, if you know what you want, go for it. Life is too short to waste on regrets.

If I know what I want and don't go after it, that just makes me stupid and a coward.

So, I'm in love with Izumi. I want to make him love me back, but how do I go about it, when he must hate me?"

A sudden intuition struck him.

"But maybe he doesn't hate me. If he did, then why did he let me take him? True, he was a little drunk, but I also think he was attracted to me. I think he did like me. And I know for sure that his body liked me. If there's the slightest bit of feeling for me left in him, I have a chance to win him over. With a positive attitude, I can do anything!"

His heart swelled with happiness as he visualized making love with Izumi again.

"That's what I want. The gods don't throw the love of your life in your lap every day! I would be stupid to let a chance like this get away.

I want to hold him in my arms again. I want him to hold me back. I love him. I want him to love me back. This is what I want and this is what I will work for. It may take a long time to win him over, but he's worth it. I know what I want. That's half the battle right there."

Takamiya felt warm all over, and a smile played on his lips.

"I'm such a fool," he said with a chuckle.

He stared off into space, his imagination spiraling out dreams of living in happy domesticity with Izumi, until his flights of fancy tapered off, and he found himself contemplating the present reality of his situation again.

"Even if he breaks my heart, which he probably will, I would rather play the fool than the coward. I have to try. His mother is expecting my visit tomorrow morning, and if, by chance, I find myself alone with Izumi, that will be my opportunity to tell him how I feel.

Even if my efforts come to nothing, at the very least, I want to know that he is all right. I can't bear the thought I caused him any lasting damage. I need to know he's all right."

Takamiya turned off the light and tried to sleep, but his over-excited mind kept churning out romantic scenarios.

He must have dozed off at some point though, because he woke up to the insistent beep of the alarm clock at 7 AM.

Full of purpose, Takamiya got up, showered, shaved, dressed, and hurried down to the parking garage.

The commute was uneventful, and at eight AM, he found himself standing once again in front of Izumi's house.

Despite his positive attitude of the night before, Takamiya now found himself a little nervous, wondering what kind of reception he might have from Izumi and his mother.

A nagging little voice inside him kept muttering, "Suppose he told her. Suppose he told her...suppose..." until he turned off the litany.

"Suppose nothing," he thought. "Above all, I want to know that he is all right."

With a hopeful heart, he firmly pressed the doorbell.