FicWad

Additional Author's Note: My description of the Obi-Wan's living quarters in the Temple (and my description of the Temple itself, actually) is deliberately not entirely consistent with canon or EU. This is an AU story, after all . . .





Anakin has promised Master Kenobi that he will not run over anyone on his way to the Temple and him. However, he very carefully did not promise Obi-Wan that he would not /run/. The instant his borrowed speeder is safely parked in the docking area closest to the section of the Temple that houses Obi-Wan's suite of rooms, Anakin's feet are on the floor and he is off like a shot, running hell bent for leather for his Master - his former Master. Thanks to the war and his finely honed ability to not only use the Force to perceive the presence of others but also to gauge their positions relative to his, it's not as if he's in danger of accidentally crashing into anyone, even in his headlong dash along the quickest, most direct route to the site of the quarters he once shared with Obi-Wan, as his Padawan learner. Most Force-sensitives find it either impossible or else extremely difficult to sense droids, since they are technically nonliving beings, but Anakin has always had a great affinity for machines and mechanical beings, and so he can even sense the droids well enough to dodge them. In any case, it's not as if anyone - with the possible exceptions of the other eleven Masters (well, ten, not counting Obi-Wan) on the Jedi High Council, most definitely including Mace Windu and Master Yoda - would dare try to stop him or even to openly scold him for the unseemly behavior of running in the Temple, and it's not incredibly likely that he will meet with any of these highly exalted beings on his way to the very humbly placed suite of rooms Obi-Wan once shared with Qui-Gon and then with Anakin and which Obi-Wan now still inhabits, promotion to the Council or no.

Since Anakin's haste really risks no one and nothing and it's not as if his reputation can become much more tarnished in the eyes of the Jedi Council or indeed essentially all of his elders among the full-ranking members of the Jedi Order itself, Anakin recognizes no reason whatsoever not to run, not after the shock of that unexplained vast outpouring of pain and suffering from Obi-Wan, and so proper notions of Jedi dignity and serenity be hanged. Anakin runs. And with his Force-augmented speed, Anakin Skywalker is so quick that he outpaces even the Force-augmented sight of the incredibly few number of individuals whose presence he has to avoid on his way to Obi-Wan. The central ziggurat of the Jedi Temple is a kilometer high, its base is far greater in length straight across at its edges, and its interior is, in many cases, made up of a labyrinthine coil of oftentimes apparently random (although most of the patterns of its hallways and rooms are evident and easy to follow for those who are intimately familiar with its design) crossing and crisscrossing corridors, but his speed is so great that the time that elapses between when Anakin disengages the speeder and his hand is automatically waving to open Obi-Wan's outer door (which never has been reconfigured to Obi-Wan alone, as most suite doors are after a Padawan is raised to a Knight) can be measured best in minutes.

Anakin is still terrified that he will be too late.

Obi-Wan is the only presence, living or otherwise, within the suite, and he is not in any pain. In fact, from what Anakin can sense, his former Master feels rather strangely peaceful, all things considered. Instead of reassuring him, this only makes Anakin more nervous, because whatever it was that made Obi-Wan shatter as absolutely as he did, it definitely wasn't anything minor enough that it could have possibly been anything approaching harmless, and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever for Obi-Wan to be this recovered from something that felt so incredibly awful so quickly. Not that Anakin wants his former Master to be in pain still. Force, no! He wants to protect Obi-Wan and to totally annihilate anyone and everything that would ever dare to cause him pain. Anakin wants to save him from harm, from being hurt and from feeling such pain ever again. In fact, Anakin would be deliriously happy if he could just wrap Obi-Wan up in a fine, soft cotton cloth and carry him off somewhere where he would never again run the risk of being in danger or of feeling such pain ever again. (And he would try it, too, if he didn't know that Obi-Wan wouldn't let him within half a dozen paces of him with such a cushioning cotton cloth.) It's just that this sudden inexplicable lack of pain feels . . . wrong/, somehow. Not quite as screamingly obviously /wrong as the original shock of that unbearable pain had been, but nonetheless still quite patently wrong/, and with much the same flavor of wrongness about it. So Anakin's hand is on his lightsaber hilt as he enters into the suite of rooms he once shared with Obi-Wan Kenobi. Just to be on the safe side. Just in case some Sith-loving fiend has come up with yet another horribly unnatural and /wrong way to screw up Force signatures and Anakin is reading the entire situation wrong.

The lights are all off and the glasslike transparisteel of the windows and double-doors that open out onto the terrace have all been darkened to that dense nonreflective colorless hue that Obi-Wan has always disliked, claiming that it absorbs the light that falls upon it from the rooms within the suite as well as blocking the passage of light from passing through into those rooms from without in the always humming, never silent, never nighttime world of Coruscant. Because of this, and because there are no lights on, it is absolutely pitch black within the suite, so black that Anakin cannot see anything with his eyes, and not even the help of the Force can accomplish much to improve his lack of vision. Normally, this would not phase Anakin in the slightest. His own quarters are laid out among much the same plan as his former Master's, if with only the one bedchamber with a 'fresher and other necessities attached (though the door between the two can be locked and the room can also be reached through a second, also locking door from the hall), a closet on the same side as the combination kitchen area and dining room, and a slightly smaller room design overall, as are most of the human or humanoid normal living quarters within the Temple. In any case, neither the furnishings nor the furniture layout in Obi-Wan's suite have changed appreciably in the years that Anakin has been familiar with them.

Anakin knows that the common room area opens up to the left and to the rear of the open area of the foyer, its back wall fully lined with windows and the set of double transparisteel doors that lead out onto the terrace, while the combination kitchen and dining room lie a little ways down the hallway that opens out to the right between where the foyer and the common room area meet through a large open doorway. The dining room can be reached through the first open doorway in the hall to the left while the kitchen area proper lies through the open doorway just down from that, though the two spaces open out completely onto each other, giving the impression of just one large room overall. The larger of the suite's two bedrooms, the Master's chamber and the first interior room with a proper door, can be reached through the first door down the corridor to the right, and is positioned in between the two doorways that open onto the combination dining room and kitchen area. The second and slightly smaller bedroom, which also has a proper door and which belonged to Obi-Wan when he was Qui-Gon's Padawan and then to Anakin while he was Obi-Wan's Padawan, is further down the hallway on the right, separated from the Master's chamber by a set of two extremely deep double closets, both technically large enough to have been rooms in their own right, though since they are lined on all sides with very deep shelves of differing, adjustable heights, they would likely seem somewhat claustrophobic to those not used to slightly closer and confined spaces. The last room, which is on the same side as the dining room and kitchen, is technically a room and a half, so it has three locking doors, two on either side and one connecting the two sides together, and a large, shared 'fresher, with two of every other necessity to either side of the connecting door.

Anakin is intimately familiar with this suite of rooms, which still feels more like home to him every time he visits it than his own quarters within the Temple. He knows the color schemes of its walls - gleaming white walls in the foyer, common room area, kitchen, and dining room; a soothing pale green that makes Anakin think of the color of fragile new spring leaves on Naboo in the hallway; a light yet somehow warm, rich beige in the Master's chamber; a gold-tinged off-white in the Padawan's room; a cool, clear, pale blue that always makes Anakin think of water and of Qui-Gon Jinn's eyes on the walls of the room and a half with the 'fresher and necessities - the richly warm dark golden wood of the intricately but mainly abstractly patterned hardwood parquet in the hallway and every room except for the combination kitchen and dining room and the room and a half, which have palely gleaming opalescent tiles; and also the mainly sturdily functional and yet obviously well-made and aesthetically pleasing furnishings, interspersed with an occasional truly breathtakingly lovely piece. Perhaps Jedi are not supposed to possess or long for personal material possessions, but Anakin - having been a slave on a very resource poor backwater planet - has always thought that the Order's notions as to what consists of individualized "possessions" are surprisingly noncomprehensive.

Quite a few of a Jedi's possessions are either drawn from common stores kept within the Temple complex or else purchased individually from several specialized stores and traders who work almost exclusively with the Temple, and so they tend to be quite similar in appearance, make, and (consistently very high) quality - basically the same style of clothes, regardless of rank within the Order; starfighters, ships, and speeders of only a few limited types, at least for personal use; similarly styled lightsabers and lightdaggers and other such weapons based on the frozen blaster technology utilized in lightsabers; unlimited access to certain types of transports and droid workers; unlimited access to certain pieces and types of technology, such as the Jedi comlinks and datapads; unlimited access to a great deal of the information kept within the Jedi Archives, including a wide variety of entertainment among the thousands of years of records of the cultural arts of many, many planetary systems, including some systems that are not members of the Republic proper; unlimited access to a wide and surprisingly rich variety of foodstuffs and other normal household products, including toiletries, linens, and personal foodstuffs as well as other such staples; a slightly varied but always quite reasonable monthly allowance granted to every resident of the Temple for the purchase of other personal items, such as books, holovids, and so on; etc. - but the contents of the rooms in the Temple itself, including its personal quarters, tend to be items that have either been gifted to the Order over the thousands of years of its existence or else purchased for the Order with monies gained from such gifts, and these items tend to be surprisingly rich and sometimes even exotic in nature.

Anakin has often thought that one of the reasons why most of the Jedi find it so easy to do without certain things, such as more personalized or at least less plain clothing, is because most of them grow up never actually wanting for anything and surrounded by beauty within the Temple. Hence, the richly colored and thickly warm rugs scattered all throughout this suite; the gorgeous tapestry on one of Obi-Wan's bedroom walls; the flat serving table nestled in between two decadently overstuffed two-seat sofas in the area of the common room off to the left of the foyer, with its intricately carved and beautifully rainbow-colored crystal inlay; the whimsically carved shelves overflowing with actual paper books (a liking and legacy partially acquired from Qui-Gon Jinn and including almost all of his old books, except for a few precious volumes given to Master Yoda and a few others in the Order who were close to Qui-Gon) as well as a few actual Holocrons and several other informational recordings, plus holopics and a few actual framed drawings or paintings, several of the models that Obi-Wan has always loved to make, and some of Anakin's older (and in some instances more experimental) mechanical designs and prototypes; and so on. Standing there in the darkness, hesitating between the foyer and the rest of the suite, Anakin knows where each jewel-toned rug, each overstuffed chair, sofa, and couch, every delicately decorative little end table with its potted plant or statuette or memento of missions past, each overflowing shelf, and, in truth, every single item of furniture is within the space stretching out before him. Yet, it does nothing to improve Anakin's uncertain and unhappy frame of mind.

The darkness within the suite bothers him. Far too many dangers could be hiding within it. Not wanting to speak just yet on the off chance that someone might be hiding in one of the rooms further back in the suite and might not yet know that he has arrived, Anakin delicately and carefully reaches out in the Force to trip the circuit that will allow the dark tint on the normally so clear as to be invisible transparisteel to lighten to the point where at least some light will be able to filter into the suite. Searching out Obi-Wan in the resultant somewhat dimmer version of darkness, Anakin almost immediately spots his former Master on the floor, in what looks to be the center of the common room area, his body folded up in what appears to be a pose of meditation, though since his back is to Anakin it's impossible to tell for sure. Carefully, Anakin treads warily across the space separating them, where he comes to rest in front of Obi-Wan and drops lightly into the floor so that he can look upon his former Master properly.

What he finds is even more disturbing than the darkness within the suite.

In the extremely dim light, Anakin can just barely make out his former Master's face.

His former Master's rather pitiful looking tear-stained face, as it would seem.

Obi-Wan's cheeks are ruddy and look a bit swollen, as if from having been recently scrubbed with a repetitive motion to hastily wipe away tears. His body is wrapped tightly within the confines of his full Jedi uniform, including the heavy dark outer robe, the hood of which is drawn up over his head and so far forward across his face that Anakin is forced to lean in and peer up at Obi-Wan's face from below, in order to get a good look at him. Rather than resting laxly along his thighs so that his hands can either meet in the center of the space formed by the folded nest of his legs and form the shape of the mantra corresponding to his chanting or else simply folded against his sides so that his hands are open across his knees, Obi-Wan's arms are wrapped even more tightly than the folds of his voluminous robes around himself in what looks like a desperate bid for the comfort of warmth, though not even Anakin, a child of Tatooine, finds the suite cold.

Could Obi-Wan have actually cried himself insensate in the midst of a meditative trance?

Force, whatever it was that had made Obi-Wan's end of their old bond snarl and shriek with pain and rage and suffering, it truly must have been terrible, for Obi-Wan to react so openly emotionally to it. Anakin cannot recall having ever seen Obi-Wan willingly cry or even evidence of the fact that he has been crying more than just a scant handful of times, and three of those occurrences are intimately tied up with the murder of Jedi Master Qui-Gon Jinn, which is still one of the most horrible memories that Anakin has. He is truly curious for the space of about one heartbeat as to what could possibly be so awful as to make a man like Obi-Wan Kenobi cry, even while seeking the peace of meditation, and the immediate conclusion - that he doesn't really want to know, though it is all but inevitable that he will soon be learning the truth of the matter anyway - makes him blanch and quail in a way that not even the threat of possible dishonorable death at the hands of Count Dooku had been able to make him flinch only a handful of hours previously. Yet, even as his mind draws instinctively back and his body moves reflexively away, as if from a physical source of pain, his heart, his soul, are steeling to a resolve. Just as soon as Obi-Wan wakes up from his exhausted trance or resurfaces from his meditation or whatever it is that has hold of him, Anakin will do everything within his power - even if he has to play dirty - to find out the reason for all of this, so that he can help his former Master work past whatever it is that happened that brought him such agony. The most important thing - the only important thing, in all honesty - is making sure that Obi-Wan will not be permanently hurt or scarred by whatever it is that occurred. Anakin rather suspects (and a certain sudden strain of sorrow within the Force, as of the reverberating echo of some future disharmony, confirms) that getting Obi-Wan to allow him to truly help him with whatever it is that's wrong will end up being an extremely difficult and perhaps even painful task to accomplish. But for his former Master, he will do it anyway.

For Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker would do anything and everything in his power.

Something has hurt his former Master and wounded him in a way that burns Anakin with its power to injure Obi-Wan. Anakin aches for the man he still considers to be his Master, unsure whether or not he is more frightened or angry because of the lingering threat of that power or the damage it has already caused. The walls around his heart are scorching, filling his head with rising smoke, while the cold breath of dead space is seeping its way insidiously out into his blood. Yet, because Obi-Wan would, of course, prefer that Anakin give in to neither dark urge, because he knows that his former Master would gently remind him that anger, fear, and suffering are not emotions Jedi willingly deal in, since such malevolent feelings lead to the Dark Side of the Force, and the absolute last thing that Obi-Wan would ever want to do would be to cause Anakin to suffer because of Obi-Wan's pain, Anakin studiously disregards the maleficent voice of the stirring dragon and the strained sounds of the groaning restraining barriers surrounding his heart. For Obi-Wan's sake, Anakin will strive (as he always does) to do better, to be better, than his instincts would have him behave. He will not dwell on this. He will neither allow his mind to circle feverishly, and to no ultimate end but the generation of frustrated anger and sorrow, over the memory of Obi-Wan's pain, nor to pick endlessly at the possibility of what will come, when Obi-Wan awakens and he begins to discover what has so deeply hurt and troubled the young Jedi Master that it has reduced him to this state. Anakin will not think about these things. Instead, he will reside in the moment and he will wait. He will give in to neither the anger nor the fear that are tearing at his heart, trying to claw their way into his mind, his soul. Instead, he will wait.

Yes, that is what he will do. He will be patient, and wait for Obi-Wan, and he will not panic like some frightened little boy or frustrated and angry child. Obi-Wan isn't visibly hurt. Anakin can wait for him to regain full consciousness. He can do this. He can and he will. He just needs to think about something else, something that will distract him, keep him occupied, until his Master wakes up. Something that will help him meditate, or at least keep him calm while he is waiting - which means any kind of rumination on recent events is an obvious no-go, since it would only make him more anxious and upset than he's already inclined to be. What was the last thing he and Obi-Wan had spoken about, before the assignment to Cato Neimoidia? They'd been having a serious discussion about balance, about the differences between Jedi philosophy and the philosophies of other Force users, especially Dark Siders. Obi-Wan had been trying to help Anakin with an area of his training that had been neglected as the Republic was tearing itself to pieces and which was absolutely necessary if Anakin ever wanted to be able to prove himself worthy of Mastery. Despite the fact that he's no longer Obi-Wan's Padawan, Anakin had asked for Obi-Wan's help in this, for his instruction, determined to find a way to prove the High Council's low opinion of him wrong.

Anakin's training in the reasoning behind the creation of the Jedi Code and the logic of Jedi philosophy in general is, frankly, lacking in certain respects, not only begun years later than it really should have been but also rushed because of the desperate need for a Jedi of Obi-Wan's caliber back in the field. So his grounding within the Jedi belief system, and therefore his ability to actually function within the confines of the Temple - not to mention his capacity to actually understand, rather than simply blindly taking on faith, the underlying culture that supports the Jedi way of life - has always been precarious, only shallowly rooted, and, thus, much too easily disrupted. Anakin is aware of the fact that his abrupt, overhasty, and obviously more expedient and needed (because of the Clone Wars and the increasingly apparent far overtaxed resources of the Temple) than rightfully or even completely earned Knighting did nothing to help redress this matter. If anything, it made things worse, since his Knighting increased the level of expectation the Council, as well as other residents of the Temple and citizens of the Republic in general, had regarding his behavior and level of control even though Anakin clearly hadn't been adequately prepared for the added responsibility. He knows that it's not entirely the Order's fault, though (even though it is increasingly hard to remember that, given the way that the High Council treats him and Obi-Wan and the increasing amount of distrust and even thinly veiled hostility that the other Council Masters display towards him). Events have just conspired so that one disaster has followed on the heels of another with such rapidity that there hasn't been enough time for him to receive all of the training he should have.

It's been the same with Obi-Wan, who was taken as a Padawan learner in the aftermath of a barely thwarted disaster, Knighted in the wake of the invasion of Naboo and his Master's death, immediately given a Padawan of his own in the form of one Anakin Skywalker, the bereft, adrift, and dangerously undertrained Chosen One, and then later elected to the Jedi High Council following the outbreak of the Clone Wars and the proving of his Mastery with the Chosen One's successful, if precipitous, Knighting. Logically, Anakin knows that it's really not anyone's fault that events have fallen out this way. But sometimes, Anakin still feels more as if he's a tool that the High Council and Jedi Order are using than an actual functioning member of the Order. And he dislikes the feeling. Intensely. So he and Obi-Wan have been working together, trying, in their increasingly nonexistent spare time and downtime between missions, to rectify the situation by addressing certain inadequacies in Anakin's understanding. It's been a trial, for both of them, but a necessary one, one that helps keep Anakin grounded, focused on his lifelong dream of becoming a Jedi, a real Jedi, in spite of both the distrust and scorn of most of his fellow Jedi and the temptation to simply throw the entire effort over in favor of a life lived solely for and with Padmé. As much as he loves his wife and wants to be with her, Anakin needs his life within the Order, however precarious or uncomfortably fitting it might be. He needs the focus, the purpose and determination, the direction, that being a Jedi gives him. And although the Jedi most often speak of being tried and tested in terms of the Trials that determine Knighthood, the truth is that to be a Jedi is to be continually tried and tested. Anakin needs this, this willingly sought out and shouldered trial, to remain true to his calling as a Jedi. Obi-Wan understands, as no one else has even tried, how much Anakin needs this, and so has uncomplainingly secretly continued to teach and tutor Anakin.

The rest of the Council would doubtlessly not be pleased, if they were to find out about this extra instruction. Although they've often taken advantage of the fact that he and Obi-Wan have remained together since his Knighting, initially they had not been very happy about it - and still aren't all that thrilled about it, truth be told. Master Windu, in particular, has spoken against their continued partnership often, at great length, citing the necessity of both Obi-Wan's ability, as a Master, to let completely go of his former Padawan and the need for Anakin to be able to fulfill the unnegotiable requirement for a Jedi Knight to be able to stand entirely alone, to forge a relationship individually with the Force, without interference or influence from any other person, even a Jedi, even a former Master. The Council holds much the same opinion and only grudgingly continues to send them on missions together - and only because the war has made it necessary, not because they believe that Anakin and Obi-Wan should remain together. The Republic's continued and escalating need for their undeniably strong partnership and ability to get things done simply outweighs the High Council's reservations. Rather than challenge that balance, Anakin and Obi-Wan have simply kept quiet about the additional instruction Anakin has been receiving from Obi-Wan, as if he were still Obi-Wan's Padawan. It is one of the very few things that Anakin has kept entirely secret, not only from his wife but also from the Supreme Chancellor, with whom he usually freely discusses his instruction and progress within the Order. It's just easier and safer that way. And the continued instruction is surprisingly soothing, too.

Though at times Anakin had chafed under Obi-Wan's stern tutelage, as his Padawan, he has found a surprising amount of comfort in his former Master's continued interest in helping him, in supporting him in his quest to prove himself a Jedi and disprove the unfavorable opinion so many within the Order hold of him, Chosen One or not. Sure, Obi-Wan promised Master Qui-Gon that he would train Anakin, but Obi-Wan's obligation because of that promise had been fulfilled and his responsibility towards Anakin had ended when Anakin had been Knighted. So Obi-Wan's continued interest in helping Anakin and his willingness to keep teaching him about the Jedi way of life and his responsibilities now, not only to the Republic and the galaxy but to the Order and to himself, as a Jedi, only proves to Anakin how much Obi-Wan cares for him, how right it is that they are together, as Force-partners, even though Qui-Gon isn't here for them to help and protect. Whatever it was that Qui-Gon had been meant to do, Anakin is certain that he and Obi-Wan will still manage to do it, themselves, just as long as they stay together and keep on keeping each other safe and helping each other advance within the ranks of the Order and the levels of mastery within the Force that are represented by every progression, every change, in status. Obi-Wan's Mastery is proven and he is an enormously respected member of the High Council now. Anakin is determined to join him there, soon, regardless of how he has felt about the High Council in the past. It is not the Jedi way to dwell upon the past or to look with too fixed of an eye towards the future. But existing within the moment is only part of the Jedi way. "The past creates the future in the moment." The student need only participate in the moment, in the now, but the Master must be able to simultaneously hold to and understand all three.

Anakin has no such understanding - at least not yet. His visions and instincts drive him ever too far towards the future while his heart has him forever yearning in vain for a past that he does not know how to let go of - a past whose potential future does not and yet should, by all rights, conform to the shape of the now, the reality of his present. The wrongness of that, despite the unquestionable rightness of his presence by Obi-Wan's side, throws Anakin constantly, distracts him and keeps him from attaining true understanding. So Obi-Wan has been attempting to help him learn how to let go of his hold on the past and put aside his preoccupation with the future while still retaining his understanding of - and therefore his ability to learn from - both, so that he can live within the moment with purpose, using his past to drive the now towards a future that benefits not just Anakin and not just the Order, but the Republic and the collective beings of the galaxy. After all, a Jedi must be able to truly recognize the greater good before that Jedi can successfully bring it about. To do so, one must be able to live fully within the awareness of self simultaneously while existing within the awareness of unity with the Force. Anakin clings too much to his awareness of self because the overwhelming power of the Force, when it sweeps through him with unstoppable, uncontrollable strength and unimaginably vast quantities, terrifies him with the thought that he might become lost within it, absorbed so deeply within the embrace of the Force that all that is him vanishes forever, lost to the terrible, awesome unity that is the sublimation of his life, his light, into the overwhelming energy and Light of the Force.

It is a surprisingly hard lesson to learn. Anakin can understand it all easily enough, from the distant remove of abstract logic. But being able to nod his head in honest admiration of the coldly precise beauty of this logical truth is not at all the same thing as being able to accept and to welcome, in his heart and soul, the immediate overwhelming reaction of any attempt to really realize the practical application of that principle. Knowing isn't the same as believing, nor does it automatically translate into doing or being able to do something. If it were that simple, there would be a great deal many more Jedi than there are. Thankfully, Obi-Wan understands both this and Anakin's personal dilemma when it comes to the way he feels the Force, so much so that he trusts Anakin's abilities with the Force so completely that his faith, his belief, gives Anakin both the strength and surety of purpose to let the Force in, to court that unity continually, even when it frightens him. With Obi-Wan at his side, with unity between them, it is much easier to accept the overwhelming pervasiveness of Light that comes with true unity with the Force. It's still hard, though, and the thought of losing himself to the uncontrollable flow of the Force frightens him. Accepting the sublimation of self is hard for him because it seems natural to Anakin to fight, if necessary, for the right of every being (including himself) to be acknowledged as an individual whose life has inherent meaning, in and of itself.

When he was growing up on Tatooine, as a slave, Anakin had fought so incredibly hard against the prejudiced assumption that slaves are not people, not individual beings whose thoughts and feelings and desire matter just as much as those of free beings, that it is very difficult for him to let go of his hard-won individuality now, to be able to simply set his sense of self aside as secondary to that of the will of the Force. Yet, by definition, a Jedi is an ever willing sacrifice whose entire life - including the ending of that life, when it becomes necessary - is dedicated to the Force as a surety of that Jedi's total devotion to protecting and enforcing the greater good, no matter what the personal cost. Anakin wants to help people, he is naturally powerfully inclined towards helping people, but his sense of self and his need to connect with others is strong, so it's hard for him to let go, not just of himself but of others, the people who matter to him the most. He remains partnered with Obi-Wan not just because it is right, but also partially because he is not sure he would be able to live with himself if anything were to ever happen to Obi-Wan when he had not been there to prevent it. And that means that it's also harder for Anakin to find his own balance, not just of his duties and responsibilities and his own abilities but also, ironically, as an individual, as a self that can and does exist as an entity separate from yet wholly one with the power of the Force.

That mind-bending paradox is a cental tenet of Jedi philosophy, and until he can master it, Anakin knows that he will not be able to master his fears or overcome the flaws that keep him from the three-fold path of true Jedi awareness and direction. And until he gains the focus of that awareness, he will not be able to exist fully within the awareness of self while simultaneously living within the awareness of unity with the Force, which means that he will not always be able to do, unflinchingly, whatever is necessary to bring about or to protect the greater good or even to be able to automatically know what the greater good is, what it requires, what is needful to enforce it. Hence, the extra lessons with Obi-Wan. Hence, their many, many, many recent discussions about balance, the nature of balance and the need for balance. Thank the Force Obi-Wan understands and even, to a point, shares Anakin's difficulties, so much so that he normally won't hesitate to admit that, when he is doing something like telling Anakin to keep his attention on the here and now, he is reminding himself of that need, reinforcing his own understanding of all that is required of him, as a Jedi, just as much as Obi-Wan is reminding Anakin of it. Without Obi-Wan's understanding, Anakin is almost positive that he would have driven himself at least half mad by now, with his constant worrying and self-doubt.

Which is why, more than anything else in his life, even his marriage to Padmé Amidala, Anakin Skywalker is fiercely, purely proud of the relationship he has with Obi-Wan Kenobi, of the friendship that they share, a friendship that he will do anything and everything in his power to protect, to keep, and to honor - even, if necessary, the unthinkable need arises to finally let go of it, of him. He would not hesitate to move heaven and earth and brave hell itself to keep Obi-Wan safe, but if it ever were to come down to it, Anakin would let go of his former Master . . . by laying down his own life, a willing sacrifice to the Force for the ultimate greater good.

Which is why, more than anything else, Anakin wants to always make Obi-Wan proud of him, to do things that will make his former Master smile and reaffirm, for both of them, the absolute rightness of Qui-Gon Jinn's faith, both in Anakin and in Obi-Wan's ability to mold him into a Jedi worthy of Master Qui-Gon's trust. Qui-Gon was a sacrifice for them. Not Naboo or the Republic and not the High Council or the Jedi Order. He was a sacrifice for them because they are necessary for the greater good, needed to bring balance to the Force and harmony to the galaxy. Anakin may be the Chosen One, but he knows, in his heart, that he cannot do the things that he is prophesied to do without Obi-Wan's help. Together, they will bring balance.

Together, they are balance.

Reassured by this surprisingly comforting train of thought, Anakin Skywalker settles into a half-lotus pose, patiently echoing Obi-Wan's meditative position, and quietly resolves to wait for however long as will be necessary.

***

Obi-Wan Kenobi surfaces to the comforting supportive embrace of Anakin Skywalker's Force signature, which is so strongly present in the space surrounding him that he almost might as well have been cradled within the man's arms. The sensation soothes and calms him so utterly that his vision within the Force abruptly crystalizes while he is still rising back up within the layers of awareness that lie between the deeply detached abstraction of full meditation and the cognizance of full consciousness, suddenly filling him with the knowledge of what he needs to do now in order to best help Anakin. In that moment, if he had possessed enough attention to spare to wonder at what was happening, Obi-Wan would have been startled, in truth would have been shocked outright, that the Force should lend itself so entirely to him in this moment, in this endeavor that patently ran counter to everything that he is and should be as a Jedi, as a Master on the Jedi High Council and the former Master of this particular young Jedi Knight when he was still only a Padawan learner within the Order. Instead, because he is still in that hazy in between realm where awareness of the totality of the Force and perception of the limitations of the flesh overlap, when the Force whispers, /Here/, within him, when it tells him, /Like this/, and when it says to him, in the voice of command, /Now/, he does the only thing that he can, the only thing that is left for him to do. He doesn't think. He doesn't question. The Force is with him, and so he doesn't need to wonder about what he is doing or why. He knows that he is doing the will of the Force, and that is more than enough for him.

Obi-Wan Kenobi accepts.

Obi-Wan's gift is in the Unifying Force, not the Living Force. He had balanced well with Qui-Gon Jinn, who was a colossus of power in the Living Force and possessed a healer's affinity for strays that had often garnered him much trouble (and not just with the Jedi High Council). He balances well with Anakin Skywalker, whose light rivals that of the core of a sun in the Living Force, despite the fact that Anakin's aptitude tends to be for all things mechanical rather than with beings of flesh who possess unpredictable minds and unruly wills of their own. Under Qui-Gon's guidance, Obi-Wan had often been told to "concentrate on the here and now" rather than focusing on the future, advised to "be mindful of the Living Force" instead of centering on some vague anxiety concerning what might or might not happen at some vague and hard to pin down future date. Extremely down to earth and often straightforward to the point of being blunt, Qui-Gon Jinn had relied mainly on instinct and possessed little patience with the art of foretelling, knowing that the future is quite often extremely difficult to see for even the most talented Jedi and always in motion, likely as not changing from one instant to the next. Strangely, Anakin's gift has always allowed him to see into the future quite clearly, especially over short distances, so much so that, upon becoming Anakin's Master, Obi-Wan soon found himself in the position that Qui-Gon had once occupied, trying to gently remind his Padawan that a Jedi must not focus upon either the past or the future at the expense of the present, and that the Jedi are supposed to live fully within the moment, embracing the will of the Force. Thus, despite a natural ability for Force-aided far-sight, Obi-Wan has never really had the chance to practice or to learn how to control this rare and normally difficult to control talent.

The Force, however, does not recognize his lack of practice in this area as an obstacle.

The Force flows within him, nudges his mind in a certain manner, guides him through the steps of a mental dance of ordering and ascension that is almost familiar, and then -

- then -

- then it is as if a key has been turned within his mind, the transition is that sudden, that easy, and that final.

Rather than surfacing to consciousness, Obi-Wan's mind rises and continues to rise until it settles itself in a realm where he can see, with a clarity sharpened so fine as to split the space between the atoms forming one long continuous chain of molecules, every single circumstance and occurrence - no matter how minor or disregarded at the time of its happening - around him that has led him up to this particular point in time. He can no more stop the inflow of data or the cold precision with which each new item, every sensory impression and extrapolation of fact, each indisputable datum, is added to the sum of his knowledge than he can cease from seeing the computation of each incident, each event, passing within him and reshaping the innermost nature of his awareness until him mind climbs again, as if ascending another level upon a ladder, and he is suddenly able to see the avenues ahead of him, ahead of /them/,among the probable futures branching off from the point where Obi-Wan had first learned that Padmé Amidala Naberrie of Naboo, former Queen of Naboo, had died as Padmé Amidala Naberrie /Skywalker/.

The sensation is . . . odd, to say the least, though it is also ever so slightly familiar, as if he were finally consciously performing some task that he has dreamed several times of doing, before. The entire experience is chillingly clinical, in a way. Or it would seem so, if Obi-Wan were allowed free reign enough over his own consciousness to truly register the fact that he feels as though the Force has literally lifted him free of his bodily tether in time and space and set him above the flow and confines of both, allowing him to clearly see events stretching out over great distances in time and in space, including events of the past, yes, but also events of the future. Or at least the most probable of all possible events of the future, based upon the fixed events of the past and the ever flowing moment of the now/, the continual solidification of that which /is into the perpetual that which was/, both combining to yield the available and most probable winding paths of that which will be, a potentiality of events, ever-changing and yet naturally tending towards either extinction or permanency, unfolding out into the future and at the same time naturally progressing towards the permanency of what the ephemeral /now becomes . . .

It is as though Obi-Wan exists in some precarious state of latent Force-awareness that has always existed within him, unconstrained by the limitations of time or of space but unaccessible without the proper combination of circumstances and need and guiding support from the Force. Pathways stretch out in every direction before him, radiating away in all directions from this one point in time. It is as if the future twists across a surface more undulant and impermanent than that of flowing river, somewhat rather like an untethered and windblown nest of ribbons of silk. Yet, he can see down these paths. Indeed, he can see people. He can see actions, feel the heat and cold of uncounted probabilities. With a knowing that feels akin - though even more fleeting - to the knowing and being of all things that Obi-Wan experienced upon the deck of the /Invisible Hand/, when facing General Grievous, Obi-Wan knows names, places, and myriads of other little facts, experiences emotions without number, reviews data of innumerable unexplored nooks and crannies, avenues of possibilities folding and unfolding like endless fields of flowers from even a single new possible feeling, causing a possible new action based upon that emotion, and then another and another possibility, so on and so forth.

There is only time enough to probe and test and taste; there is not nearly enough time to shape. Indeed, it is all Obi-Wan can do to keep up with the endless progression of possibilities as they flash racing by him, his mind hastening and expanding by leaps and bounds to keep up with the seemingly endless flow of information. There is an all too real danger of overreaching, of overrunning himself, of becoming lost within the massively powerful and essentially steady flow of time's movement, everywhere complicated by shifting current, hidden vortexes, suddenly cresting waves, riptides and surges, countersurges and the threat of forming whirlpools, rather like an ocean breaking against dangerous rocks and plagued by foul weather as well as a strong moontide. Or there would have been such risk, if Obi-Wan had sought the fulfillment of this gift, his ascension to this higher plane with its far-reaching view, on his own. But because the Force itself has guided him to this place and he has yielded to its power utterly, the only risk he runs is the danger of yet choosing the wrong path to pursue.

It is an oddly stretching, oddly filling, fulfilling sensation. Or it would be, if Obi-Wan possessed time enough to process any emotion of his own in the midst of this whirlwind of sight.

What he is seeing is a spectrum of possibilities, from the most remote past to the most remote future, from the most probable to the most improbable occurrences. He sees his own death in countless ways. He also sees new planets, new cultures, new peoples, new possibilities. Indeed, he sees such endless swarms of people that he is positive that they cannot all be listed within the Jedi Archives, and yet his mind insists on cataloguing them all, weighing them all, considering and pursuing or rejecting each and every one, until the ways at last begin to narrow and converge, and though there are certain shadowy places where he cannot see, no matter how finely he weighs and calculates the possibilities towards probable convergence, at last a viable path begins to emerge. At last, after a period of endless calculation, there is but one broad road, one track marked by three possible divergences.

Along the first turn, the narrowest and apparently most difficult and improbable of the three possible future avenues, Anakin Skywalker is disgraced and cast out of the Jedi Order and returns as a husk behind a black mask, killing all in his path. The Order, and the Republic, are washed away in an endless stream of blood and violence. The thought of this path and what lies along it sickens him so utterly that he almost loses track of his ever-shifting columns of data.

Along the second turn, there are long grey patches of obscurity interrupted by peaks of all too clear violence. There is a war-fever here, a fire spreading out across the galaxy to engulf an almost unimaginably destructive and difficult to combat threat from outside the Republic and its surrounding territories that somehow centers about the mysterious attack upon and subsequent disappearance of the living planet of Zonama Sekot, a banner emblazoned with a vivid blood-red rendition of the Jedi Bendu waving at the head of legions upon legions of not only clone troopers but also droid forces and armies made up of the peoples of the Republic and as well as of the Outer Territories proper, an enormous force that is easily twice as large as the combined forces of the Republic and the Separatist armies at their greatest, among which a pitiful few remaining current members of the Jedi Order are all but swallowed whole. Though this way carries him and Anakin relatively safely together and within the Jedi Order for a very long way - indeed, for as long as he can follow this trace, it keeps them securely together in the Jedi Order - it terrifies him almost more than the first probable future, for they are clearly still in the Order only because they keep their relationship a secret until the point where it no longer is necessary to do so, after the discovery and death of the Sith Lord Sidious.

Before he and Anakin can cut the shadowy, black-swathed figure down - a man-shaped form whose face Obi-Wan cannot make come clear, though the place of his death is very clearly within the innermost, most sacrosanct government chambers, those generally only used by the highest government authorities, the Supreme Chancellor himself, and sometimes also by visiting dignitaries from outside of the Republic proper - the Jedi Order suffers unspeakable losses at the hand of the Sith Lord's final command, an order that has somehow been preprogrammed into the clone fighters and which they therefore cannot resist fulfilling. In the wake of Sidious' death, he and Anakin are both raised to positions within the Order whereby they are able to initiate such sweeping changes that the Temple hardly seems to house the same Order anymore, and not only do they essentially found an entire new Jedi Order from out of the ashes of the old Order, but at the head of that gargantuan army is none other than the exalted team of Kenobi and Skywalker, the jewels that Anakin found so long ago on Naboo born freely upon their chests for all to see, a mark of their life-long, soul-deep commitment to one another, a commitment that is announced publicly in the aftermath of Sidious' death.

Strangely, when Obi-Wan looks upon himself and Anakin at the head of this army, he can also see the familiar form of Qui-Gon Jinn - his figure somehow as exquisitely detailed and solidly formed as in life and yet seemingly half-transparent, lit from within and illumined with the brilliant corona of a strange blue fire - striding purposefully along at their back, his face calmly resolute where it rides in the space between his left shoulder and Anakin's right shoulder, though precisely how Qui-Gon should be there when he was murdered by a Sith years ago on Naboo is something that Obi-Wan cannot quite manage to see, no matter how hard he tries. The shadowed areas simply obscure too much information, though for a moment he almost thinks that he's sees a man who looks strangely like Count Dooku, awash in white light and dissolving out of his clothes, out of the physical realm, and into a realm of pure Force, in a manner that seems to allow souls to move at will, from one realm to the other and vice versa, dissolving and then reforming among the living in that blazing blue corona of Force-created cold luminescence.

The third possible path is not so much an entire new probable future as it is an almost inevitable branching off of the second way, one that he cannot, for all his information, manage to parse away and disregard without endangering the entire possibility supporting the second avenue itself. The possible pivot point seems to lie with Darth Sidious, with the manner in which they discover who Sidious is and when it happens. Obi-Wan distinctly sees Anakin standing with a twisted countenance - a face clearly torn with the pain of betrayal and a dangerous rage - over the obviously hewn apart and anonymously black-swathed fallen form of Sidious, as if there is still some doubt as to whether or not the man is actually harmless yet (though clearly deceased), while Obi-Wan is clearly speaking into a comlink with much haste. Though Sidious' final order has not yet gone out to more than a few of the various clone forces, the High Council itself is so decimated that, again, he and Anakin are elevated to positions of power in the Order whereby they essentially are its unofficial heads, where they begin to change the nature of the Order, if more subtly than in the second possible future path. The galaxy-encompassing war of the second pathway still occurs, but with slightly less rapidity and somewhat less obvious devastation, after Sidious' fall. Again, he and Anakin are at the head of an almost unimaginably vast army of clone troopers, droids, and citizens of both the Republic itself and the Outer Territories, the blue gems from Naboo worn bared upon their breasts for all to see, a public declaration of an unshakable love and devotion that, along this path, comes only after the new war against that ill-defined yet undeniably potent outside threat begins. And again, peculiarly enough, the blue fire of Qui-Gon Jinn's only half opaque form strides along briskly, purposefully, at his and Anakin's heels, after yet another only half-coherent flickering image of a man who might be Count Dooku, blazing with whiteness and dissolving, flesh and all, into the Force.

In the narrow sliver of abstracted thought that the narrowing ways have allowed for his own use, the processing of his own distinct impressions, desires, and emotions, Obi-Wan is hard pressed to decide which of the final two paths terrify him the most. Nevertheless, the first probable future is so horrifyingly awful as to be clearly intolerable, and the third, though clearly more dangerous for Anakin and him than the second one, seems to preserve the most life overall, so in the end he is left very little choice. The Force, it seems, has a clear purpose in mind for the attachment Obi-Wan has been agonizing over and trying to rid himself of for years, even while it has only continued to grow deeper, closer, and more meaningful. And apparently, the feeling is, indeed, a mutual affair.

Pity he cannot clearly see what it is that makes Sidious' identity come clear earlier here than along the second possible path, though clearly it is something to do with Anakin, something that touches someone he considers a friend, strikes a blow against his ability to trust . . .

Trust . . . friendship . . . Anakin Skywalker . . . clearly a political power . . . O, Force forfend, no - !

Force save and protect them, how could they all have possibly been so blind for so /long/?

Oh, Sith hells, no wonder that first path is still even an option, no matter how slim . . .

Sith-spawning seven hells, no wonder he has seen sign of both of their faces becoming shifting masses of blood and pain, along both the second and the third possible probable futures, after the confrontation that must inevitably come when Obi-Wan completely resurfaces . . .

Obi-Wan is so shocked that he almost loses the thread of his own thought, the realization feels so completely and obviously true and yet is still so confounding and utterly shocking. Little wonder Palpatine has been interested in Anakin since even before the events on Naboo, since the day their ship had landed on Coruscant and Queen Amidala of the Naboo and stepped forth, safe and sound! Obi-Wan has always felt a disquieting sense of something being not quite right about the former Senator from Naboo - the manner in which Palpatine responded to the Naboo crisis by manipulating Padmé Amidala into calling for a vote of no confidence in Chancellor Valorum has always seemed ever so slightly off, and Palpatine's unwavering interest in Anakin frankly has always made his skin crawl, though Obi-Wan nevertheless has always managed to convince himself that it's just his own concern for Anakin's ability to learn how to properly control his emotions and his discomfort for such obvious affection clouding his judgment - but it honestly has never before occurred to him that Palpatine might have a truly insidious ulterior motive for cultivating Anakin's caring, as he has been. The reason is so clear to him, now! Obi-Wan can barely believe his own blindness. Even given what the man is, and what it means he must be capable of, Obi-Wan can is hard pressed to understand how so many beings - especially so many Jedi Masters - have all managed to be so incredibly blind.

Obi-Wan sees the danger that the Republic and the Jedi Order itself has been blinded to very clearly now: Palpatine. Palpatine has recognized, in Anakin and in the precarious and increasingly intolerable situation that the High Council and the Order itself insists on placing Anakin in, that Anakin might grow to be a student worthy of a Sith Lord's teachings, if only he might be wooed away from his devotion to Obi-Wan. The potential has always been there, since the day Qui-Gon first arranged for the Masters on the Council to meet with Anakin and the Council had summarily and fearfully refused to welcome Anakin into the Order, "Chosen One" or no. But for his unswerving loyalty and an ability to love that did not and could not easily tolerate the suffering of others, Anakin would have been the perfect candidate for a practitioner of the Dark Side of the Force. His late and unorthodox introduction to the ways of the Jedi, the continuous undeserved mistrust with which the Council - and therefore most of the Jedi - has always regarded him, that dangerously ever-present degree of separation from his peers, and his astounding strength and ability with the Force, coupled with his all too volatile emotions and a seeming inability to ever fully relinquish them . . . Force help them, Anakin has been both an obvious and a tempting target for the Sith, and yet the Council, for all its worry, has apparently not only never realized it, it has unthinkingly shaped the boy as though willingly to be a weapon with the ability to turn suddenly in the Order's hands and strike them all down. The blind arrogance of it all - the way in which the High Council and the majority of the Order have been actively courting their doom - sickens Obi-Wan so much that he almost rebels, almost loses his balance and topples down from the heights of his Force-raised far-sight vision.

This negotiation will doubtlessly be the most difficult and important of Obi-Wan's life.

Having already yielded to the Force's suggestions and accepted the guidance leading to this vision of the most increasingly probable futures - an aggregate of still shifting possibilities that, even as he is watching from within the bubble of far-sight, washes away the possibility of the first probable path entirely and begin to branch out further away, with far fewer shadowed areas and many more immediate and vivid details, among the second and the third possibilities towards some far-flung fourth possibility that seems to overlap both probable courses towards the limit of what he can make out - there is little more that Obi-Wan can do, except to continue to trust in the Force, however utterly strange and unlooked for its assistance and its will might suddenly seem to be to his Jedi sensibilities. He has already accepted. He already knows. Little remains now but to /do/.

After making careful note of all of the areas that have suddenly come clear, given his revelation about Palpatine - including events on the /Invisible Hand/, with Dooku's repentance and acceptance into the Light - Obi-Wan releases his hold on the endless tabulations and impressions that support and make sense of his far-seeing and allows the Force to carry him back down towards full consciousness, the hopes and concerns in his mind few and closely related.

Anakin, forgive me for bringing you such ill and evil tidings. It is not my intention to hurt you. I love you, my former Padawan and my partner within the Force. I will do everything that I can to help you through this, to help us both, to help us all, get through this intact. Please, be strong, as I know only you are capable of being . . .

***

The timewinds are picking up, whirling and eddying in almost and yet not quite aimless vortices, unable as yet to gather enough momentum to flow outward along one set path but building power moment by moment, action by action, towards one mighty blow.

Two brilliantly bright souls - brightly burnished Force spirits still incredibly new to themselves, to their massless and luminescent existence as truly unembodied entities of pure energy, separate from and independent of and yet absolutely inexorably a part of and eternally entwined with the greater Light of the essentially limitless and still growing energy field that is the Force - dart in amongst these not quite purposeless swirls, weaving in and out of the flows of the microcosmic spirals that are their circles of influence and observing with elation the rapidly growing number of changes that have been trickling down the timestream and which are already gathering force, already turning the path of the now away - in a steadily growing arc - from the known paths of a future to a probability so new, so strange, and as yet so vague in places that only the barest hints of its overall possible shape can be grasped. Only its nature is immediately obvious: it is so alien to the tendencies of the now and the almost completely set final most probable pattern of the will be, with all of its many limitations arising from a preponderance of carefully cropped and shaped and manipulated channeling patterns of the was, that certain pivotal events are being turned so sharply about that reality itself is apparently shivering with the strain of holding so much change. The shape - or what is visible, overall, of the texture and pattern and weave - of this suddenly diverging and divergent probable pathway is so wildy different from all of the previously known and knowable possibilities that in places the timewinds appear to be trying to bend back inwards upon themselves, as if trying to rewrite what has already come to pass, to change what has been set within the pattern of the past into a new shape, one that alters the flow of the now to incline matters towards an even stranger and less recognizable future.

The apparently wildly random path of the two watching Force spirits, as they make their dancing way among the spiraling and gradually knotting slipstreams arising off of those changes, tends, gradually but unwaveringly, back along the widening arc of that difference towards the point of inception, the nexus point for the many slipping and even unraveling threads and the driving force for the many moving and altered flows within the changing overall pattern of time. The pathway picked out by those storms of change is surprisingly long, and grows longer by the moment. The rate of change is nothing yet near exponential, much less a geometric progression, but it is building, with increasing rapidity. Like the growing force of the timewinds, change is increasing with growing rapidity.

Soon, if this strange new pattern holds, there will be a crisis point. Either the momentum will gain critical mass and the state of the now and it possible future paths will have moved so far beyond what was once expected that there will be no returning to those patterns ever again, or else it will stall and dissipate, falling inexorably back into the more familiar patterns of the old known probabilities. The two Force spirits are determined that the latter will not be allowed to come to pass, and so they are making haste to reach the epicenter and eye of this storm of storms, to offer up their own not inconsiderable energy to power that growing divide between what has been foreseen and what is instead now coming about. There is a light of increasing power and luminosity, already much brighter than the heart of a star - in actuality, two lights, so close together that their blazing coronas overlap and form but one candescent flame - burning at the heart of the storm. The light of that twinned-star, though it is expanding, though for the moment it is still growing with such infinitesimal slowness that it is maintaining a fairly steady power. If that power spikes, the two Force spirits will abandon their perusal of the many changes and leap directly for the heart of that binary star. For now, though, they simply let the increasing light of that binary star guide them on their way.

Unfortunately, the two who are responsible for that twinned light would not thank them if they were to observe all of what is about to happen.

***