FicWad

Author's Reminder: Lengthy pieces in italics still denote memories being shared between Obi-Wan and Anakin. Some memories will, necessarily, be a bit repetitive, so bear with me, okay?





Anakin is waiting impatiently in the docking bay when he returns, all but bouncing in place in his eagerness. He is already opening his mouth to speak when he notices the absence of Master Yoda. A small frown creasing his forehead and his body stills, abruptly, his bright eyes dimming with concern. "Problems, Master? Some pressing business for the head of the Jedi Council?" he warily asks.

Uncharacteristically tense and still upset by Yoda's all too thinly veiled accusation, Obi-Wan irritably snaps, "Nothing of the sort, unless you would define paranoia and unnecessary meddling matters worthy of the Council's attention."

"Master?" Anakin blinks, obviously shocked by the bitterly sarcastic remark. "Are you all right?"

Sighing, Obi-Wan bows his head and pinches the bridge of his nose, concentrating on the banishing the building tension already threatening a severe headache and forcing himself to let go of the indignation still seething in the pit of his stomach. A few moments later, he raises his eyes back up to meet Anakin's obviously worried. "Of course. Forgive me, Anakin. I am - discomposed by a matter touched upon by Master Yoda. It was . . . unexpected."

"It was about us again, wasn't it?" Anakin's voice has gone deadly quiet, a sure sign of the extent - and quite deadly nature - of his anger. Only if faced with something that he finds offensive all the way down to the very core of his being does Anakin ever become quite so still, so quiet, in his anger. It is not a good sign. And the next words out of Anakin's mouth confirm that. "They want to break up the team again, don't they? They think I have a bad influence on you. I know they do. They think we're too close. I can see it in their eyes, when the look at us. They think it's unnatural, for a Padawan to remain with his Master after his Knighting. Well, they can just think again! You were my Master and you're /my /Force-partner, and if they want to keep their Sith-be-damned Chosen One, then by the Force they'll just have to get used to the fact that this Chosen One doesn't function without his partner!"

Weariness and defeat hit him, then, like tangible weights, like a yoke of collapsium that has suddenly been hung about his neck and draped over his bowed shoulders. Acutely aware of his own failure - and inherent inability - to handle the situation properly, Obi-Wan yields and simply quietly begs, "Anakin, don't. Just - don't. Please. Not now. Please./ I'm not - I am not in anything approaching a state of mind fit to deal with this, either adequately or well. I know that the situation is hard on you. I understand that. And I am sorry for that, Anakin. /You /haven't done /anything /to deserve this. And there should be a way to fix this. But I just don't - I am too close to the matter to be able to see things clearly enough to discover a way out of this mess. I know that anger is not the answer, but my patience is so worn that I find it is unequal to the task. I grow tired of hitting this wall. I feel as if I am beating my hands against a mountain of solid rock. And I'm sorry, young one, but I just don't know what to do. I was taught to anticipate far better behavior from our fellow Jedi and to expect far more wisdom from the High Council. Qui-Gon often warned me about this: he always said that I placed far too much trust in the Council's hands, far too much faith in the Order's collective wisdom. But even Qui-Gon, for all of his questioning and occasional rather unique point of view regarding certain ideas and situations, never truly despaired of the Council, never doubted in the overall wisdom or ability of the Jedi. What are we, if we cannot even have faith in our own? It may be naive, but Anakin, I honestly don't know how else to /be. I wish that I had a better answer for you. But I just - I don't. I'm sorry, but I don't," Obi-Wan admits, face burning with shame.

Subdued, his rapidly growing rage entirely defeated by concern for his former Master's entirely expected and extremely out of character despondency, Anakin closes the distance between them and carefully gathers Obi-Wan into his arms, ignoring the slight stiffening of his former Master's body and determinedly holding tight until Obi-Wan finally gives in and relaxes into the embrace. "It's alright, Master. Well, it's not alright - it's not at all right /- but that's okay. It'll /be okay. We'll find a way to make it better, together. Alright? Don't let Master Yoda's inability to understand make you start doubting yourself. After all, he hasn't had a Padawan of his own in ages. It's been so long since he was in a true partnership with anyone that he probably wouldn't recognize a healthy, working Force-partnership even if it came up and bit him on his little green - "

"Anakin!" The attempted scold loses much of its efficacy to a half-smothered snort of helpless amusement.

"Well, he wouldn't, now would he?" Anakin only half-laughs, grinning triumphantly as he gives Obi-Wan one last good squeeze. Then, relaxing his hold, he coaxes his former Master into a turn and starts guiding him over to the nearest bench. "Face it, Master: Yoda and the Council - present company excluded - aren't nearly as all-wise or all-seeing as they seem to be. They weren't wise enough to believe Master Qui-Gon when he told them about the Sith. They didn't see it when Dooku started to fall. A lot of them didn't believe that Sidious even existed, all evidence to the contrary, and none of the others ever really tried too hard to find him, either."

"Yes, well, they believe in him, now. And they would very much like for us to find him for them," Obi-Wan dryly admits, unprotestingly taking a seat next to Anakin.

"Oh, do they, now?"

"Very much so."

Anakin snorts and shakes his head, obviously resisting the urge to roll his eyes in disgust. "Well, isn't that just typical! And just what, prey tell, is the rest of the illustrious Council going to be doing while we're out saving the galaxy, yet again?"

It is entirely too difficult to resist giving in to Anakin's efforts to cheer him up. So, with a small but genuine smile, he finally declares, "I'm not entirely sure, though I rather suspect it will be something along the lines of attempting to make sure that the Republic doesn't fall to pieces while we're otherwise engaged, O illustrious hero of the masses."

"Hey! I resemble that remark!" Anakin smirks, leaning back on the bench and stretching his legs out before him until he's sprawled indolently - but only deceptively gracelessly, as Obi-Wan is well aware - across the seat. "In any case, I seem to recall that 'Warrior of the Infinite' title happens to refer to you too, Master!" he adds, deliberately (but carefully, so as not to cause any actual damage) jostling Obi-Wan in the ribs with his elbow.

"Yes, and you're the 'Hero With No Fear,' as I seem to recall," Obi-Wan simply calmly counters.

"Yeah, well, you're the Negotiator! And /the Sith-Killer! /And /the Master! /And a member of the Jedi High Council - though on second thought maybe that's not anything worth bragging about, after all. Me, I'm just a lowly hero," Anakin smirks.

"And the Chosen One of Jedi prophecies."

"Yeah, well, fat lot of good that particular honor's brought me." Anakin scowls slightly and, giving in to temptation, finally rolls his eyes. Then, straightening slightly in his seat, he asks, "So they really want us to go after Sidious now?"

"Master Yoda is of the opinion that the war will not and cannot end until Sidious and all of his Dark Adepts have been dealt with. He believes that the mechno-chair may yield clues to Darth Sidious' whereabouts, and that the trail to Sidious should lead us to any other threats. He wants us to take up the search."

"So . . . we're supposed to end the entire war for them now, huh?"

"Essentially."

"Oh. Well, all right, then! No pressure. None at all," he jibes sarcastically.

"Anakin, we are the Order's most effective team. And you are the Chosen One. And I am, as you are so fond of pointing out, the only living being to have successfully defeated and killed a Sith in battle. I believe we should be equal to the task," Obi-Wan gently points out.

"Well, of course we can handle it! I'm not saying we can't, Master. With all we've been through and everything we've managed to accomplish for the Order and the Republic already, what's one more impossible assignment? It's just that, well," Anakin sighs and pauses a moment before raising a questioning eyebrow, "do you think maybe if we do this, too, they'll let us have some real downtime? We've been out here, going straight from one battle on to the next, for a long time now, Master. I don't know about you, but frankly I'm beginning to forget what Coruscant and the rest of the civilized galaxy even look like."

"We have a longstanding invitation to Alderaan, you know. If you'd like - "

"A retreat? A by the Force honest vacation? /Are you /kidding? Just let me at it!" Anakin cuts in, laughing. "As long as you're sure Prince Organa actually means the invitation to include both of us - "

"You may not believe this, Anakin, but the Senator actually admires you a great deal. He knows that it's been . . . difficult for us, with the Council, and he's told me many times that he's impressed at how well you've adapted to a less than ideal situation."

"I know he's a good man, Master. He's a friend of your's, after all. Plus, Padmé says he's so honest he makes even her look like a dirty politician," Anakin grins, momentarily, before adopting a more serious attitude. "But he is your friend, after all. I don't want to presume. I'd prefer to go someplace I'd be welcome, if I'm going to be given a real vacation."

"Bail would not have invited you if he did not honestly wish for you to come, Anakin. That is not his way. But perhaps we should concentrate on actually beginning the mission, first, before we begin to plan our celebratory vacation," Obi-Wan offers, gently redirecting the topic of conversation.

"Hey, you started it, O wise and illustrious member of the Council!" Anakin teases, leaning in and giving his former Master a playful poke in the ribs. "But the point's taken. I suppose they'll tell us when they're done dissecting the chair?"

"I would assume so."

"Well, in the meantime, then, while we're waiting for our marching orders, can I ask you something without offending you, Master?"

Raising an eyebrow, Obi-Wan pauses a moment to contemplate his former Padawan's rather earnest face. Finally, resisting the urge to respond with a rather pointed remark as to Anakin's apparently low opinion of his self-control, he shrugs slightly and says, "Well, you may certainly ask me anything you want, Anakin. I'm afraid I can't promise much, absolutely, beyond that."

"It's just that . . . well, aren't we obligated to notify the Chancellor of our find here?"

"We are, Anakin, and we will."

"But only when the Council sees fit, I suppose?"

"After the matter has been discussed, Anakin. You know the procedure."

"Yes, but suppose one or two of you should disagree with the majority?"

"Decisions are not always unanimous, Anakin," Obi-Wan replies, entirely astonished by the question and unable to discern his former Padawan's intent in asking something he already knows the answer to. "You of all people should know that. You've had to listen to me grousing about the endless circling debates. Whenever the Council is truly divided, the issue is generally deferred to Yoda's counsel."

"So the Force can sometimes be felt more strongly by one than by eleven, right?"

"I believe we've already established that even Master Yoda is not infallible, Anakin, if that is what you're trying to get at."

"But the Jedi should be better than they are."

"Anakin . . . we are all only mortal, fallible creatures. I am not sure what - "

"It's just that we could so easily be so much more than we are, now!"

Obi-Wan merely stares at him for several long moments, unable at first to gather up enough of his scattered wits to come up with any kind of response. " . . . I'm listening . . . "

"'The very best of us are little more than tools of the Force.' That's what Master Windu is always saying, Master." Anakin is obviously so excited by what he is proposing that he is all but vibrating in place with enthusiasm. "Well, then why aren't more of us like that? Why don't we go further with the Force, deeper into it, than we allow ourselves? Why doesn't the Council want us to ride its crest?"

"Anakin . . . Master Sora Bulq and many others would agree with you. But few Jedi have the stomach for such a ride. And fewer still have the actual strength for it. We are not all as self-composed as Yoda or Master Windu - or as Force-strong as you are, Chosen One," Obi-Wan points out, for the moment restraining himself from commenting on the fact that the course Anakin is proposing is something that he is actually not yet ready to pursue. Even though Anakin is certainly strong enough to embrace the Force much more fully and over a much longer period of time than other Jedi, Anakin is not yet self-contained enough - or as confident of his ability to retain awareness of his self and to therefore survive such an experience intact - to ride the Force's crest, as he is proposing, alone.

"But maybe we're wrong to give ourselves over to the study of the Force like this, at the expense of life as most beings know it - including love, and desire, and so many of all the other emotions that are forbidden to us, by the current interpretation of the Code. The Order's records are incomplete and contradictory regarding many of the rules that the Temple swears by today, the further back you go into what records there are. Haven't you ever wondered if there might be something fundamentally wrong with the way the Order functions, now? I mean, just look at us, Master! So many younglings fail to be chosen as Padawans and get shipped off to the Agri-Corps or the Medi-Corps or the Exploration Corps or some other organization other than the one that they've been brought up to believe they will one day be a part of, and become bitter and vindictive enemies of the Jedi Order because of that; so many Padawans fall to the Dark Side or fail their Trials and then turn on their former fellows in the Order; so many actual Jedi stray, or err, or run head-long after temptation and away from the strictures of the Code and the High Council . . . It happens /all the time, Master, and it's gotten much worse, since the war began. /The Jedi Order is the source of a vast majority of its own worst enemies. Doesn't that even hint at anything to you?"

"Anakin, we've had this discussion before. Not all who wish to be Jedi are cut out for the reality of a Jedi's life. The path is hard and narrow. Jealousy and greed, envy and fear, anger and hatred . . . these are all much easier things, Anakin. It's not that emotion is wrong, or even feelings of attachment. It's more that they can be so strong that they are inherently dangerous. When we give in to our emotions, there is always the danger that they will prove too strong to easily overcome or to turn away from again, later, and that they will therefore come to rule us. And if we allow our actions, our very lives, to be dictated by emotion and emotion alone, then we are nothing more than mindless animals, Anakin. We are no longer truly sentient, then."

"I understand that, Master," Anakin patiently, earnestly, persistently, replies, "truly, I do. What I don't understand is the Order's insistence that essentially all emotions, all forms of attachment, are evil and will lead to the Dark Side. I cannot understand how an Order that supposedly embraces the concept of compassion for all living beings as one of its two highest ideals can also condemn love and attachment as evil. I don't know about you, Master, but to me, 'infinite compassion' sounds an awful lot like just another way to say 'universal love and brotherhood,' only fancier. Of course, I also happen to think that if the Order could just loosen up a bit and be a little bit more understanding about what essentially is a universal given - either psychologically or physiologically or both - for all known forms of sentient organic life, then it would lose far fewer of its own people to the Dark Side. Maybe if Jedi and Jedi hopefuls were allowed an acceptable outlet of some kind for all of this emotion, all of this need, then so many of them wouldn't find the Dark Side and its emotionality quite so alluring!"

"Anakin, excessive attachment is a form of possessiveness. And emotions that are quite often mistaken for love - attraction, desire, infatuation, limerence, and so on - are little more than thinly disguised feelings of possession, of wanting to possess, to own, another living being. And possessiveness is the most dangerous of emotions, for most of us are either entire blind to it or else are unaware of its darker tendencies. Possessiveness leads directly to anxiety, to feelings of envy and jealousy, and therefore to fear and anger, and thence to hatred. The unrestrained and unreasoning desire to possess almost always inexorably destroys the very person or object or idea that was wanted in the first place. You know that. Of all people, Anakin, surely you must realize how impossible it is to truly own another thinking, feeling, sentient being."

But, "I'm not speaking of ownership,/ Master! Sith hells, no! I'm talking about love here, about attachment, about the need to love and be loved that we all have but that the Order tells us we have to deprive ourselves of and deny that we feel, except for what little attachment and love is permissible between friends or in a Master-Padawan or Force-partner bond. I'm talking about the Council and their narrow-minded attitudes, the way other Jedi look at us and so often automatically assume the worst because no real Jedi would ever be so close, so loyally devoted, to another living being, not even another Jedi. I'm talking about this ridiculous notion that the Force is supposed to be the be-all and end-all, the sole focus, of our lives, when we aren't even allowed to actively pursue any kind of truly deep or lasting connection with it! Devotion to a higher cause is all fine and good, but we shouldn't use that as an excuse to ignore what's going on in front of our own eyes! You've said it yourself: we're not infallible. There are things within the Order, in the way that Jedi function, that can be and should be improved. How can we justify the Order's claim to be in service to the Light if we can't even be honest about our own faults? And how can we obey the will of the Force if we spend something like ninety percent of our lives out of contact with it because we're busy either trying to shed our excess emotions or else we're trying to meditate on the larger meanings behind the Force? We spend so much time meditating and thinking and so little time actually doing - or even, Force forfend, /feeling - that it's no wonder so many of us get swept up by the first good emotion that comes along and drown in it!"

Reminded entirely too painfully of both Dooku's arguments against the Jedi Order, on Geonosis, and Master Yoda's all too recent revelations regarding Dooku's probable original reason for leaving the Order in the first place, Obi-Wan finds himself shaking his head, begging, "Anakin, be careful, please. Be mindful of what it is that you are saying, what it is that you are suggesting. You are treading very close to a line that we as Jedi do not and dare not cross. You sound so much like Dooku - "

"What, because I would prefer to look a thing squarely in the eye and to actually do something about it, rather than simply pretend that it doesn't exist?" he cut in bitterly, a dark scowl twisting his features out of true.

"No, Anakin. Because you are dwelling on the fact that we are not infallible as though mere awareness of that fact were enough to make us infallible. And it is not. That is nothing more than a trap. Those who tumble into it may earnestly believe, as Dooku himself surely once did, that it is possible to pursue a more perfect union with the Force, by embracing all aspects of its nature, but they are only deceiving themselves. They immerse themselves in the Dark Side, steep themselves in selfishness, and then claim that it is balance. They deceive themselves into believing that they are stronger, that they are infallible, because they have become masters of deceit and are either too weak-willed to resist the euphoric lure of their own baser emotions or too enamored of their hatred and their anger, and the illusion of strength that it gives them, to seek any kind of deeper understanding of their own limitations and frailties."

"But aren't we supposed to strive to always better ourselves? Master, how can we do that if we turn a blind eye to the faults that plague the entire Order? It's that hypocrisy? Isn't that just another form of deceit, of lying? Force forfend we should allow ourselves to become complacent about lying! I've seen instances were Jedi lied outright to one another, and none of them have come out good. Master Billaba lied about the way her intentions had changed, after she had been sent to Haruun Kal, and Master Windu nearly died because she had fallen to the Dark Side. And Depa is still/ in a coma because she didn't want to be taken alive and 'reformed' by the Council. Master Kolar lied about Quinlan Vos going to the Dark Side, and just look at what a mess he's made of things! Master, I know Quinlan has been a good friend of yours and Master Windu insists that he's still trustworthy, but honestly! He's fallen and reformed and fallen again so many times that no one knows what side he's really on, anymore! And we're lying now, by not sharing our information about Sidious with Chancellor Palpatine. What would Sidious or Dooku have to say about our lies? Wouldn't they rejoice to see us, the famous Jedi Knights, reduced to behaving more like a Sith or a Dark Adept or even, Force forfend, an actual /bureaucrat would, lying to cover up our mistakes and remain in favor with those in power, and deceiving our own allies just so we can keep certain information and power ours and ours alone?"

The comparison to Dooku hits entirely too close to home. As he has so recently become aware, many of the events that have defined Dooku's life during his time within the Temple and in the Order - and which apparently are also largely responsible for having shaped his life as it is now, with Dooku the only irrefutably known Sith Lord in existence and the leader of a splinter government responsible for the civil war that has been tearing the Galactic Republic apart for three years, now - are all too similar to events that have shaped his own life within the Temple, not to mention that of Anakin! The unrepentant Lorian Nod could have been/ Xanatos of Telos, if only he had been a bit more clever about covering up his theft of the Sith Holocron and therefore managed to stay within the Order long enough to picked as some other Master's Padawan. Bruck Chun, the bane of Obi-Wan's life while he was a youngling in the crèche and a newly chosen Padawan, could have so easily become another Lorian Nod, if the Masters had only become aware of his bullying nature and his selfishness earlier, in time to cast him out of the Temple /before he could be contacted and then corrupted by Xanatos - if, for example, any of Jedi had actually bothered to read the truth of what had happened, in that hallway, between Bruck and Obi-Wan, rather than simply taking Bruck's word over Obi-Wan's - that it is almost uncanny.

Why, there is even a resemblance between the unrepentant Lorian Nod, with his decades' long need for revenge against Dooku and the Jedi, and Xanatos' son, Granta Omega, who had held onto his irrational fury and his need for vengeance against the Jedi Order long enough to capture Anakin twice and to nearly kill both of them - Anakin and Obi-Wan - several times! Despite his utter lack of training and apparent inability to use the Force, the knowledge and enhanced hatred that Granta Omega had gained from his carefully amassed collection of Sith artifacts - including, disturbingly enough, the same Sith Holocron whose theft had originally driven a wedge between Dooku and Lorian Nod and led to the latter's expulsion from the Jedi Temple in the first place - in combination with the considerable wealth he had inherited from Xanatos through the Offworld Mining Company had made Granta Omega a surprisingly formidable enemy. Although Obi-Wan and Anakin had always managed to escape his clutches relatively unscathed, Master Yaddle had not been nearly so lucky. A plan developed by Granta Omega while he was working on Manwan under the alias of Striker, to capture the attention of the Sith and to prove his worthiness of becoming an ally in the Sith's unending war against the Jedi by essentially wiping out all life on that planet with a specially developed bioweapon, had, unfortunately, directly resulted in Master Yaddle's death. Unlike Lorian Nod, Granta Omega - like Xanatos and Bruck Chun - had remained defiant until the end, fighting and then embracing death rather than surrendering or allowing himself to be captured. But if he had survived that last confrontation with the Jedi, on Korriban, is it truly impossible to believe that Omega might have been reformed and perhaps even, in the end, become an ally of the Jedi, as Lorian Nod had? Somehow, Obi-Wan cannot find it within him to deny the possibility.

Though Anakin would doubtlessly fight him tooth and nail over his right to make such a comparison, Obi-Wan cannot help but think that even Anakin's own particular bane during his earliest years in the Temple, the now exPadawan Ferus Olin, shares a certain resemblance with Xanatos of Telos and Lorian Nod. That slick facade of serenity and shocking maturity for one so young had certainly hid a viper's nest of insecurities and petty jealousies, and no matter what Anakin might - because of his far too generous spirit and still much too great sense of personal responsibility for the tragic death of Padawan Darra Tel-Tanis - be moved to try to argue about mitigating circumstances and the insidious effects of the profoundly Dark aura and energies of Korriban, Obi-Wan knows better. Ferus' arrogance, his violent unwillingness to be shown up by Anakin's superior mechanical skills, is entirely to blame for the failure of Padawan Tru Veld's damaged and inexpertly mended lightsaber and the subsequent death of Padawan Tel-Tanis. Darra would still be alive if not for Ferus' refusal to allow Anakin to repair the nonfunctional weapon and the fact that Tru Veld had allowed himself to be cowed by Ferus' bullying. There had been signs, beforehand, of Ferus' power-hungry nature, but the other Jedi had been blinded by the boy's superficial charm and the mien of thoughtfulness and calm that he so often expertly adopted when in the presence of his elders rather than his peers or those younger than he.

Only a few weeks after their arrival back at the Temple, after Naboo, Ferus had bullied Anakin into racing him at swimming - when the entire Temple had known that the boy was from a desert planet and unused to large bodies of open water! - and Anakin had nearly died before Obi-Wan could get to him, his small lungs filled almost to overflowing with water. He has never forgotten the feel of Anakin's water-logged and eerily still body in his arms, and he has never been able to believe that it had been anything but a deliberate attempt, on Ferus' part, to rid himself of a potentially powerful rival in the Temple. Like Bruck and Xanatos and Lorian Nod himself, Ferus had hated the thought of being perceived as less powerful than any of his peers, and this, in combination with an appalling lack of basic morality - he had actually had the gall to try to blame Darra's death on Anakin, for supposedly failing to volunteer his knowledge that the patch on Tru's lightsaber was insufficient and the lightsaber would fail to hold an adequate charge, and the High Council had actually believed his lies, until Obi-Wan had finally set both them and the matter straight! - had finally seen him ejected from the Temple and the Order. Obi-Wan had feared they had won another enemy as implacable as Granta Omega in that moment, when Ferus had been stripped of his title and his Padawan braid unceremoniously cut, but as of yet there has, thankfully, been no indication that the boy has become another Dark Side Adept or attempted to swear or take vengeance on them for their part in his expulsion. Perhaps, like Lorian Nod eventually did in the years before his death, Ferus has instead simply finally come to terms with his own culpability in his failure to become a Jedi Knight . . . but Obi-Wan wouldn't feel very comfortable about betting on it.

As if the all too possible comparison between Lorian Nod and Ferus Olin and the almost eerie resemblance between Lorian Nod's earliest actions and his intentions - not to mention the repercussions of those events on Dooku's life - and those of Xanatos, Bruck Chun, and Granta Omega aren't unsettling enough, there is also the fact that even a reformed Lorian Nod had almost managed to effectively end Dooku's life - though by that time, granted, Dooku had long since left the Jedi Order for the Sith. The fact remains that although Lorian Nod had returned to the side of the Light before the end of his life, by willingly choosing to try to help the Jedi capture Dooku (an attempt that, unfortunately, failed in its aim and cost the man his life), this certainly didn't ever stop him from being - or at least attempting to be - the bane (and apparently quite often also the guiding force) of Dooku's life. Thus, the strange parallels between his own life among the Jedi - not to mention Anakin's - and Dooku's are even more unsettling. To have Anakin suddenly comparing them, claiming that the way they are behaving is comparable with actions that have been taken by Dooku and even Sidious, is not just disconcerting. It is downright disturbing, almost to the point of being frightening.

Far more rattled by this fact than by Anakin's actual line of questioning - which is, if truth must be told, very similar to a line of thought that he and Qui-Gon had once debated endlessly, with neither able to come to any sort of a satisfactory solution - Obi-Wan snaps, "Don't compare us to them!" his voice far more harsh than he has intended it to be. "The Jedi Order is not/ a cult! We don't worship a leadership of elites. We're encouraged to find our own pathways and to validate through personal experience the value of what we have been taught, Anakin, and you /know that. The Jedi do not fall back on facile justifications for exterminating a perceived enemy, nor do we attempt to use our baser emotions or desires as excuses to explain away our atrocities. We are guided by compassion and the belief that the Force is far greater than the sum of those who open themselves to it. We may not be infallible, but we are instruments of the Force's will, and it is a power far greater than all of us, Anakin."

Eyes very wide and voice very small indeed, Anakin merely offers, "I know that the Force is much greater than any of us. I'm only asking why we can't work harder at being more than what we are, now."

"Oh, Anakin . . . " Obi-Wan takes a calming breath. Too sure of themselves, the Jedi have become,/ Yoda had once told him. /Even the older, more experienced ones . . . To his shame, the sentiment is all too appropriate. How might Anakin have fared under Qui-Gon's guidance? Obi-Wan can't keep himself from wondering about that, especially in times such as this, when he has essentially allowed his own frustration with Anakin's inability to simply accept and abide by certain realities of the Jedi Order and the Code to get the better of him. After all, he's really only Anakin's adoptive mentor, a replacement for Qui-Gon, and a terribly flawed one in many ways . . . He is so eager to live up to the memory of Qui-Gon that he constantly finds himself overlooking Anakin's own attempts both to live up to his own memory of Qui-Gon Jinn and to live up to Obi-Wan's own example, as Anakin's Master. Shaking his head slightly at his own foolishness, Obi-Wan sighs. "I'm sorry, young one, truly I am, but I have no easy answers for you. If it were as easy as all that, then perhaps we wouldn't even have need of the guidance of the Force in the first place." Obi-Wan rubs wearily at his temples and sighs again, quietly, before attempting a smile. "If you truly wish to work harder at being more than you are, now, young one, then I can always step up my efforts to continue your training. And we can begin by focusing on your shaky emotional control and all of the reasons why your temper remains one of your greatest weaknesses."

The swift bloom of Anakin's all too brief smile is as brilliant as the rising of a sun. "I - I think I'd like that, Master. I think I'd like that very much."

"Well, then, it's settled. I shall continue to lecture you on the finer points of controlling your temper in between our efforts to save the galaxy. But in the meantime, former Padawan-mine, may I/ ask /you a question?"

"Without offending me, you mean? Sure! Take your best shot, Master."

"Why the sudden concern about Chancellor Palpatine? Has something happened or have you heard something that is bothering you?" Obi-Wan asks, concerned.

"Well . . . actually, yes. It's just something that Chancellor Palpatine said a little while ago. In a hyperwave commo, that is. It came through while you were off with Master Yoda, or I'd have asked you to sit in on it with me. He just wanted to congratulate us on our victory here, even though Viceroy Gunray escaped. We spoke for a bit, and he mentioned something about the Senate making things more difficult. I think he's honestly concerned about the Republic's ability to weather much more of this war. He sounded worried. And tired. And he mentioned something about not always seeing eye-to-eye with the High Council about the way the war's being waged. I just - I worry, Master. We're not the only ones who could use a vacation. This war has aged him, and I'm afraid that it's changing him, too, in a way I'm not sure I like. That order he gave to abandon Jabiim . . . " Anakin frowns and slowly shakes his head. "It wasn't at all like him. And he just . . . accepted Gunray's escape, almost like he'd been expecting it. I'm afraid that he might be losing hope. I don't want him to have to worry about the High Council keeping things from him, on top of everything else. It just might not be a good idea to keep this from him, you know? We all love the Republic and we all want what's best for the people of the Republic. We need to stick together, not keep potentially alienating secrets from each other, if we want to be able to get things done."

"That seems like a legitimate concern to me, partner-mine," Obi-Wan smiles softly, twisting about his former pet name and title for Anakin - Padawan-mine - into a newer, more appropriate one. "I will bring your concerns to the Council's attention. I can't promise that they will act on the knowledge as you might wish for them to, but at least they will all know that you have cause to believe the Chancellor is feeling the stress more than he lets on."

"That's all I ask, Master," he promises quietly, sincerely.

"It's good of you to worry for him, Anakin. You've always had such a large heart." Obi-Wan shakes his head slightly, once again utterly confounded by the inability of so many of his fellow Jedi to see this, to recognize this, about Anakin.

"I've had good examples to follow."

"Hm? Oh, you mean your mother and Master Qui-Gon?"

"Well, yeah, but mostly just you, Master."

"Anakin . . . " He finally simply blinks his astonishment, unable to think of anything else to say, thoroughly caught off guard by the admission. Obi-Wan has been told - or else accused of - being many things, in the course of his life, but large hearted? Surely Anakin must be jesting, or else trying to poke fun at him, in light of his current fixation on the Order's intolerance for such emotionality . . .

But, no, apparently not. "I mean it, Master. I'm not just saying that. I wouldn't even be here, if it weren't for you. You know that, right?"

Actually, he doesn't know any such thing at all, but he is saved from having to admit as such by the reappearance of Master Yoda.

"Carries on his shoulders the weight of the galaxy, Obi-Wan does," Yoda announces, approaching with one of the Intelligence analysts. "Ease your concerns, this news might," he adds before either Obi-Wan or Anakin can respond.

The dark-haired, robust-looking analyst, one Captain Dyne, perches himself comfortably on the edge of a nearby shipping container before launching into the news. "While we still don't know whether the mechno-chair was left behind deliberately, as some kind of trap, the image of Sidious verifies as an authentic recording. The transmission appears to have been received and stored two days ago, local, but we're going to have trouble tracking its source because it was routed through a system of hyperwave transceivers used by the Confederacy as a substitute for the HoloNet, and was encrypted using a code developed by the InterGalactic Banking Clan. We've been working on cracking that particular code for some time now, and when we do crack it - and we will, very soon now - we might be able to use the chair's hyperwave receiver to eavesdrop on enemy communications."

"Better you feel already, ummm?" Yoda gleefully asks Obi-Wan, motioning towards him with his gimer stick.

"The chair bears the stamps of several of the manufacturers affiliated with Dooku," Dyne continues, saving Obi-Wan from having to try to answer Yoda's question. "The hyperwave receiver is equipped with a type-summoning chip transponding antenna that are similar to ones we've discovered in a minelaying chameleon droid Master Yoda brought back from Ilum."

"An image of Dooku, the droid contained."

"For the time being we're proceeding on the assumption that Dooku - or Sidious, for that matter - might have developed the chips, and had them installed in transceivers awarded to Gunray and other key members of the Council of Separatists."

"Is this mechno-chair the same one I saw on Naboo?" Obi-Wan merely asks, curious.

"We think so, Master Kenobi," Dyne nods. "But from what we can tell, it's undergone some modifications in the years since. The self-destruct mechanism, for one, along with the self-defense gas." He studies Obi-Wan intently for a moment before adding, "Your hunch about it being the same one that the Neimoidians have been using for years was also right, by the way. It appears to have been originally been developed by a Separatist researcher named Zan Arbor."

"Jenna Zan Arbor?" Anakin snaps angrily. "The gas used on the Gungans at Ohma-D'un!" He looks over at Obi-Wan, who nods once, confirming his guess. "Well, no wonder you were able to sense it! Didn't you say you thought it was the same gas the Trade Federation tried to use on you and Master Qui-Gon, before the two of you were forced to escape to Naboo by hiding in amongst the deploying droid units?"

"Just so."

Dyne glances from Anakin to Obi-Wan but wisely refrains from asking any questions, instead offering the following tidbit: "The gas-emitter mechanism is also identical to what you find in some of the Techno Union's E-Five-Twenty-Two assassin droids."

Deep in thought, Obi-Wan absent-mindedly strokes his chin. "If Gunray has had the chair for at least as many years as he has had personal control over the Trade Federation - say, since the Eriadu Trade Summit, in the year immediately preceding the blockade of Naboo - then he could have been using it to contact Sidious during the Naboo crisis. If we could learn who manufactured that chair . . . "

Yoda only laughs. "Ahead of Obi-Wan, the experts are," he explains, leaning conspiratorially towards Anakin.

"We know who's responsible for the chair's Neimoidian engravings," Dyne explains. "A Xi Charrian whose name I'm not even going to attempt to pronounce."

"How do you know?" Anakin promptly demands.

The analyst's answering grins displays an almost disturbingly large amount of teeth. "Because he signed his work."

"Ah. Well, then. At least we know where our quest for Sidious will be starting . . . " Obi-Wan smiles, raising a challenging eyebrow at Anakin, whose grins is even wider than Dyne's as he nods and eagerly regains his feet.

"And a good thing, too, Master! The quicker we find him, the quicker we can end this Sith-cursed war - and get in that vacation we were talking about, earlier!" Anakin laughs.

Smiling, Obi-Wan simply takes the hand Anakin is offering him and lets him pull him up from the bench.

They can always have a few lessons on tact, to go along with those lessons on temper, later . . .

***

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan Kenobi doggedly follows in the footsteps of his former Padawan, feeling Anakin's pain, his anger, like blows against his heart.

Anakin's stride may be longer than his, but Obi-Wan had years of practice keeping pace with an even longer one, long before Anakin came into the picture. Within moments, just as Obi-Wan is about to reach out and grasp the taller man's shoulder, Anakin whirls about, pivoting so suddenly on his heel that his robe snaps tightly, flaring around him and momentarily shadowing them both with the shape of outspread wings. "We were wrong to come here, Master! I /was wrong to come here. I /never /should have listened to Palpatine! It was all a feint, and we fell for it. We're being kept away from Coruscant! I can /feel it."

Anakin's anguish is like a jagged obsidian knife, tearing into him. Obi-Wan folds his arms across his chest not because it is a pose that clearly radiates the most emphatic calm, but rather to reassure himself that he is not truly bleeding. Casting about awkwardly for the right thing to say, for the words that will soothe his troubled friend, he finally seizes upon the following: "You wouldn't be saying that if we'd captured Dooku."

"But we didn't, Master! That's what counts. And now no communication with Coruscant? You don't even see it, do you?"

"See what, Anakin?"

Anakin starts to speak, cuts himself off abruptly, eyes momentarily falling wearily shut, and then carefully begins again, shoulders drooping. "You should always keep me fighting. You shouldn't give me time to think."

Obi-Wan's hands are immediately upon Anakin's shoulders bowed shoulders, the weight of his concern far heavier than his hands, however rare the gesture of such a public touch not initiated by Anakin. After so many years with Anakin, it only seems natural, for comfort to come with touch. And Anakin is not naturally inclined to despondence, to giving up or giving in, so the momentary glimpse of despair hurts him far more than anything else, even the young man's earlier anger. "Please, calm yourself."

Anakin shrugs him off, a new fire in his eyes, and although the swift motion hurts Obi-Wan in a way he has neither the time nor the inclination to look at too closely, the stiffening shoulders encourage him. "You're my best friend, Obi-Wan. Tell me what I should do. Forget for a moment that you're wearing the robes of a Jedi and tell me what I should do!"

Stung by the gravity in Anakin's voice - so at odds with the anguished look of wild pleading in his eyes - Obi-Wan is silent for several long heartbeats before he quietly offers, "The Force is our ally, Anakin. When we're mindful of the Force, our actions are in accord with the will of the Force. Tythe wasn't a wrong choice. It's simply that we're ignorant of its import in the greater scheme."

Again, Anakin's shoulders slump, his head bowing in sadness. "You're right, Master. Of course. You're always right. My mind isn't nearly so fast as my lightsaber." He stares down at his artificial limb, the mechanical hand hidden beneath that ever-present black leather glove. The next words he speaks are so quiet that they almost cannot be heard. "My heart isn't as impervious to pain as my right hand."

Obi-Wan feels as if someone has knotted up his insides and is now hauling back against those knots, yanking on them roughly, pulling them taut, as though someone has plunged an arm up past the wrist into his chest and closed a hand upon his heart, squeezing tight. He is failing his apprentice, his closest friend. Anakin is suffering in a way that he has never seen before, and the only balm he can think to offer is a handful of Jedi platitudes. Obi-Wan's body heaves one stuttering breath, his mouth falling open as he casts desperately about for something more to say, for the right thing to say, for whatever it might be that Anakin so desperately needs to hear him say so that he can help make things right for Anakin again, before it happens.

There is a shift in the Force, something so minor that Obi-Wan almost doesn't feel it and yet at the same time so critical that he almost falls bonelessly to this knees, buckling helplessly beneath its weight as the backwash crashes over him. There is a voice, a girl's, a woman's, light, sweet, familiar, and in pain, crying out to him desperately, sobbing his name as the world turns grey and bleeds out around him.

Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan, please! I'm so sorry!

When he eventually resurfaces, he comes to himself to the familiar feel and comforting scent of Anakin all around him. Anakin is holding him. His limp and largely unresponsive body is braced against Anakin's, propped awkwardly upon his feet. Obi-Wan blinks slowly, struggling to focus, trying to push past the roaring in his ears, his head canted back loosely on his neck so that Anakin's terrified eyes, Anakin's soundlessly moving mouth, are the first things he sees. His former Padawan's arms are like a vise across his back and sides, his hands so tight upon him that Obi-Wan can feel bruises forming. But for several long moments he has neither the strength nor the wits to protest. One arm flops aimlessly, bonelessly, up against them both as Anakin shifts his hold slightly and pulls Obi-Wan up more firmly onto his feet. As feeling gradually returns to his extremities, strength returning slowly, as though drop by drop, to his rubbery legs, Obi-Wan understands that his other arm, his right arm, is crushed in between their bodies, and ever so slowly forces that hand to move, the fingers that at first will only twitch nervelessly eventually curling under in almost infinitesimal increments, tangling against and into the folds of Anakin's outermost tunic. The relief in Anakin's eyes at that deliberate motion - however agonizingly slow and weak - is like a wave crashing down into him, washing away some of the confusion and lingering weakness, and although Obi-Wan is still so lightheaded that his ears feel as if they are packed with cotton, words begin to filter through, intermittently, as though from some enormous distance or over a faulty connection.

" . . . just wait a . . . moment! It's not like . . . Master isn't . . . fainted? I can't . . . tell . . . safe to . . . don't want . . . hurt . . . ceiling fell . . . thought . . . fine! He's not . . . bleeding but . . .
Artoo, just wait a blessed minute!"

The shrilling, tootling, chittering, whistling, squealing blithering of the little astromech droid reaches his ears right about then, and Obi-Wan winces against the sudden stabbing pain in his head, eyes closing to slits. The sudden surge of unfocused healing power that abruptly pours into him, further rocking his equilibrium as waves of strength floods his system, shocks a gasp out of him as the energy buoys him up. For several long moments he hangs, as though suspended from a great height, galvanized by the Force, automatically grasping hold of that well-meaning boost of vitality, trying to direct it enough so that he can stand upright instead of just dangling from Anakin's hands. With a second, less ragged gasp, the ground firms up under his feet, and Obi-Wan nods his head, both hands grasping Anakin's tunic as he says, "Enough! Enough now. I am not hurt, Anakin! I swear to you, I am fine now!"

"Then what - ?"

"I am not sure. Something . . . a disturbance in the Force, I think. I am all right. Honestly, Anakin, you can let go of me now!"

Anakin releases his hold on Obi-Wan with obvious reluctance, though afterwards he immediately hurries off towards the still desperately shrilling droid, so quick that no one else seems to notice his hesitation. The harried crew chief is already demanding Anakin's attention, though, albeit apologetically. "I'm sorry, General Skywalker, but no one here understands droid. Will General Kenobi be alright?"

"I am quite recovered, thank you!" Obi-Wan snaps irritably, hurrying to catch up as Anakin swiftly scales the cockpit ladder and then throws himself into the open cockpit of his starfighter, hands already reaching out to toggle switches. Obi-Wan reaches the base of the ladder just in time to hear the crew chief's comlink tone as Supreme Chancellor Palpatine's voice begins to issue over the cockpit annunciators.

"Anakin, if you are receiving this message, then I have urgent need of your help . . . "

Obi-Wan glances helplessly from the crew chief to Anakin and back again, seized with a sudden overpoweringly bad feeling that he really doesn't want to know what either one might have to say. "What is it?" he finally demands in a rush, looking at neither one.

"Tight-beam comm from Coruscant." Although he is clearly only listening with half of his attention, the crew chief is the first to reply, the look of shocked disbelief rapidly spreading across his face more than indicating the seriousness of the communication. "Sir, the Separatists have invaded Coruscant!"

Obi-Wan just gapes at him, utterly floored.

Above him in the starfighter cockpit, Anakin lifts his face up towards the high vaulted ceiling of the assault cruiser's landing bay, his features contorted to the shape of a sustained snarl. His eyes glare sightlessly as he cries, "Why does fate target the people who are most important to me?"

The Jedi Master flounders helplessly, the weight of Anakin's pain a crushing weight upon his heart. "I - "

"Crew chief! Refuel and rearm our starfighters at once!" Anakin is back by Obi-Wan's side again so swiftly that he blinks and stumbles, knowing that he has somehow completely missed an entire series of actions that Anakin must have taken in order to come back down to him from the open cockpit. "Obi-Wan, Master, you must tell me the truth now." Anakin's eyes and his voice bear down upon his former Master with so much weight, so much focused Force, that the smaller man staggers a little bit before Anakin's steadying hands can come to rest on his shoulders. "Are you absolutely certain that you are well enough to fly?" /There is a Force-command sunk deep within those words, not a demand that he be well (whether he is in truth or not) but rather an irresistible compulsion for truth, that he honestly respond to the question. "I will /not risk you, on top of everyone and everything else!"

Obi-Wan is forced to grit his teeth and dig in mentally in order to push the words out past the obstruction that wants to inhibit him from speaking anything less than the total truth. "I. Am. Fine. Anakin! What is happening?"

The intently focused look in Anakin's eyes so swiftly blanks out and bleeds to a barren bleakness that Obi-Wan wishes, for one desperately selfish moment, that his former Padawan's compulsion could have proven too strong for him to overcome. For a long moment he doesn't respond, almost as if the reality is so far worse than the simple sounds of the words that could explain it that they refuse to come to him.

When he speaks, Obi-Wan's heart sinks within him.

"Coruscant. Palpatine has been taken by Grievous."

***

Obi-Wan can physically feel Anakin shivering against him - the younger man having managed to somehow work his way forward, even while keeping his position with the traditional cross-legged meditative pose, until much of the front of his legs are flush against Obi-Wan's - as well as his rising distress, intruding within the bond. Obi-Wan knows that things are only going to become more difficult for Anakin as the sharing continues, given Mace Windu's obvious distrust of Anakin, and the willingness of Masters Windu and Yoda to use Anakin's relationship with Palpatine to find a way to either neutralize or outright remove the seemingly increasingly dangerous man from his powerful position as the Supreme Chancellor, and so he again floods the bond with reassurance and love and tightens his grip upon the younger man's hands, offering up as much comfort and support as he possibly can. Though he expects it, because of the nature of his far-sight vision, Obi-Wan is still saddened by the rising sense of panic within Anakin's mind that is linked to the Order's increasing disapproval of Anakin and Anakin's own confusion and shame regarding Dooku's demise on the /Invisible Hand/. Anakin still cannot clearly access those memories, due to the cloud of confusion fogging his mind and the lingering effects of certain suggestions upon his will that the Sith Lord placed on him during and in the immediate aftermath of that one moment of overwhelming vulnerability during the fight, when Dooku repented and rejoined the Light and Anakin stood in stunned silence, unable to bring himself to give in to the evil compulsion that the Dark Lord had already loosed upon his soul.

Obi-Wan wishes he dared to open his arms and just take Anakin into the sheltering warmth of his embrace, but fears he will disrupt their sharing and somehow make circumstances go awry if he risks moving so much. Instead, Obi-Wan does the next best thing and sends out a wordless affirmation of his belief that everything will be all right and his unwavering devotion to and trust in Anakin, his determination to be here for Anakin, always, no matter what, and to provide support and understanding for him in all possible circumstances. In response, Anakin leans in towards him even harder, pressing forward until Obi-Wan is forced to move or to be shoved backwards. Startled, his eyes open for an instant so that he sees Anakin's pale face and trembling, bitten lips, and then his legs are unfolding and Anakin has scooted up against him, snugging himself into Obi-Wan's embrace, nesting between his legs in a position that should be awkward, given Anakin's longer legs and slightly longer torso, and yet somehow is not, because they fit together so perfectly, regardless of Obi-Wan's more compact stature and the tangle of limbs as Anakin snuggles up against him, his head firmly tucked into the crook of Obi-Wan's left shoulder and neck. Obi-Wan's left hand comes up to cradle that head even as his right hand spreads reassuringly across the expanse of Anakin's back, grown steadily broader and more heavily muscled in the years since the war began, and Anakin hugs him so hard that it would almost hurt, if the joy of being embraced so eagerly were not filling Obi-Wan with a oddly intoxicating sense of giddiness.

Obi-Wan turns his head against Anakin's, breathing in the supremely comforting familiar scent of him, luxuriating in the familiar weight of Anakin in his arms, content just to be close to him, and practically hums, feeling Anakin calming and relaxing at the other end of the bond as he makes himself more comfortable snugged up physically close to Obi-Wan. Reassured that he has made the right decision, Obi-Wan continues sharing his more recent memories.

***