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Izumi woke up early the next morning. The tears he shed had long since dried, and the only emotion that lingered was a distinct dislike for that man, Takamiya. Really, he never wanted to see him again. God forbid that he should show up on the doorstep

And to think his own mother had invited the jerk over for another visit. If she knew what that pervert had done to her son, she would never have let him in her house in the first place. But in order for his mother to ban Takamiya from their home, Izumi would have to tell her what happened, and he just couldn't. It would be too embarrassing, especially if she started to ask questions, which she might anyway.

It almost seemed as though his mother was in league with Takamiya. Between the two of them, they were driving him nuts. The next time Takamiya visited, Izumi planned to be absent. All he needed was a place to stay. Maybe his friend, Konno, would take him in, at least until school started up again.

After all, in a way, what happened with that homo pervert was Konno's fault since he was the one who had set Izumi up with the no-show blind date in the first place.

Izumi had accepted the date as a favor and put time and effort into the project. He went so far as to get his hair trimmed, bought a new jacket for the occasion, and spent all that time getting to the transportation center only to end up waiting and waiting. The way Izumi looked at it, Konno owed him.

He got up, dressed, had a bite to eat, and headed over to his friend's apartment. It wasn't more than a fifteen-minute walk. He'd been a little concerned that he was there too early, but Konno met him at the door, game controller in hand.

"You're up early," Konno said. "Check out the new game I picked up. Extreme Ultimate Fighter."

"Cool," said Izumi and he watched while a virtual Konno wielded a whip made of barbed wire against a giant squid brandishing baseball bats.

"You're going down, biatch!" Konno chuckled at the screen as he flayed the skin off the creature.

"Looks like fun," said Izumi.

Konno put it in two-player mode, and the two boys sat side-by-side kicking ass for a while.

"In the hidden stages, you can play against Godzilla, Rodan and Mothra," Konno said.

Izumi nodded as he concentrated on hosing down a fire-breathing dragon.

"By the way, Konno, how about you letting me stay here for a while?"

"Your mom driving you nuts?"

"Something like that," Izumi said.

"Stay over?" Konno considered this but didn't look too happy about it, "I don't know."

"Just until the new semester starts."

"That's over a week away."

"Yeah, but hey, you owe me one for that blind date that never showed up," said Izumi.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that. I guess it might not be too bad. I'm not going to be here anyway. I suppose you could look after the place."

"Where are you going then?"

"Traveling with the girl friend. Come to think of it, I should be leaving right about now."

"Now? Right now?"

"Yep."

Konno stood up, walked behind a curtained alcove and emerged with a suitcase.

"I packed last night, and I'm ready to roll," said Konno, as he reached into the pocket of his jacket, pulled out a key chain and tossed it to Izumi. "Think fast!"

As Izumi fumbled with his controller and reached for the keys, Konno laughed at him, saying, "Ha-ha! Too slow, Joe. See ya. Wouldn't wanna be ya!"

Izumi was still trying to catch the keys when they sailed under the curtained ledge that held the TV.

"Don't trash the place," was Konno's parting shot as Izumi bumped into the ledge, dislodged the curtain and the contents of the shelf hidden behind it.

Video tapes, floppies, CD's and DVD's went flying as Izumi stumbled and tripped.

"Gah! Why is he always such a jerk?" Izumi groused as he rubbed the knee he'd bumped and rolled his eyes at the mess he had to clean up. Then his eye caught the title of one of the videos. XXX.

Is that the one with Vin Diesel, he wondered, until he saw the subtitle. "Slutty Starlets". Another video bore the title," Hot and Juicy" and a third was marked, "In your face".

"Whoa! Is this what I think it is? Heh. Viewer discretion advised," Izumi giggled.

He gloated as he locked the apartment door, pulled the shades, found some tissues, and settled in by the TV.

"Perfect conditions for my first porn-fest," he exulted as he panted and pressed play on the remote. "I am gonna have some fun with this!"

"Slutty Starlets" didn't have much of a plot and it was more boring than he would have thought. It was mostly just naked girls taking showers. He didn't recognize any of the so-called starlets. Once he got used to the nakedness, it just reminded him of a public bath. He hoped Konno had something hotter in his collection.

He rummaged around in the pantry and found a stash of ginseng drinks. That might be just what he needed for a jumpstart. He slipped another tape into the VCR, uncapped the bottle of the drink and put his lips to it just as the first scene from "In Your Face" played and a big-busted blonde got showered with come.

"So, this is porn?" thought Izumi. He was wide-eyed at the woman's gigantic breasts, but it was more the astonishment of seeing something so outlandish, than an erotic turn-on. The video didn't do a thing for Izumi that way. It seemed to last way too long and he was glad when it was over.

The next video he tried, featured a woman in a black leather mask and jumpsuit spanking some guy who was all tied up in cords. It was very weird, but Izumi kept wondering when he was going to see some really good porn.

"People get off on these torture films? Doesn't Konno have any normal porn?" he wondered.

"Neapolitan" sounded like it might be Italian. Izumi thought he would enjoy seeing hot dark-eyed Mediterranean girls doing it. It had to be better than "Whips, Chains and Videotape" so he popped that tape into the VCR and watched for a few minutes, becoming increasingly grossed out, as the scenes played on.

"He's taking a dump? Ugh! It can't be good being an adult video actress. Konno, I'm beginning to have severe doubts about your taste. I wonder if your girl friend knows. Poor thing."

Izumi ejected that tape in a hurry, put another one in and finally perked up when he saw a couple that looked normal.

"Finally!" said Izumi as he popped the top of another energy drink and chugged it.

The woman in the video was dressed in a black lace garter belt. On anyone's scale of hot, she had to be at least a nine, and she was fondling the guy's cock until she got him hard. Then she sat on him and rode him, her breasts jiggling with every thrust. He watched the woman gasp and moan finally screaming in ecstasy at climax until the TV screen went dark.

"That's it? The tape is over?"

Sure enough, it started to rewind.

"Huh? This can't be," he thought with a sinking feeling, as he realized, "I'm not turned on."

He looked down at the three empty ginseng bottles on the floor.

"And I should have been. When I'm trying like this, how come I can't get an erection? Why?"

He started to panic as memories of Takamiya's cock slamming into him came flooding back.

"It can't be...It can't be!"

But the thought took hold and wouldn't let go.

"Have I become...a homo?"

It made him sick to think so, but the fact remained that the sight of those women having sex hadn't turned him on at all.

The fact that he wasn't turned on, made him worry that he might be a latent homosexual and right now, more than anything else in life, he wanted proof that he wasn't.

Straight people made fun of gays all the time. Is that what he had to look forward to? He could just imagine his schoolmates, laughing at him and pointing fingers behind his back if they ever found out what happened with Takamiya.

He used to laugh that way with his friends about boys they suspected were homos. Fruits, fairies, and fags, they'd called them. There were lots of names for homosexuals, but none were used as compliments. He didn't want his classmates laughing at him. Would he have to live like that for the rest of his life or live a lie?

The thought that his whole life might change so drastically, literally overnight, was overwhelming and he burst into tears.

"Who am I? What am I? I don't know who I am anymore!" Izumi wailed.

When his tears dried, he realized that the uncertainty was hurting him worse than the truth ever would.

Much as he hated the idea, it occurred to him, that if he watched some gay porn, he would find out for sure one way or the other, if he was a homo or not.

He thought about renting from the video store in Konno's neighborhood, but worried that gossip about his choice might somehow get back to his friend. Not to mention the fact that he'd have to ask the clerk at the counter for "Gay Porn". He didn't think he could do it. No, he would have to go some place where he could be anonymous.

The only gay movie house he knew of was the Rose Playhouse, which was close to the neighborhood he used to live in when he was younger.

When he was a kid in grade school, the students only talked about that place in nervous giggles. Everyone knew the dirty old men who hung out there were the lowest, most disgusting perverts in the world. The kids in his school avoided it like the plague.

And all the time he lived in the neighborhood, he never walked directly in front of the theater, but always crossed the street, afraid that someone would kidnap him, drag him inside, and he'd never be heard from again.

He had grown quite a bit since he moved away, but he still worried that someone from the old neighborhood might recognize him, so he stuck his hair under a baseball cap and wore a hooded jacket. He'd use the hood to hide his face, if he saw someone he knew.

He took the subway to his old neighborhood. It felt strange to be taking a trip down memory lane. The little candy store right outside the train station was still there, though it looked like it hadn't been painted since he left. He was happy to see the ramen shop still in business. Childhood memories were a happy distraction until he saw the marquee in the distance. The Rose Playhouse.

If felt odd to be actively seeking out the place he had avoided so religiously when he was younger. He pulled the bill of his baseball cap down and kept his eyes on the ground as he walked and only looked up when he was in front of the place. The first thing he saw was a movie poster featuring two naked men, their private parts concealed by the movie title, "Undercover Lovers."

He glanced away only to catch a glimpse of a guy sitting on a bench in the lobby with his hand between his legs. Izumi didn't want to stare, but found himself wondering if the man was just smoking or, as he suspected, had been feeling himself up in public.

What kind of person did that? If he could do that in public, what must he do in private? It was so scary thinking that way and the worst part was Izumi's thought, "Will I end up like that some day?"

"I can't chicken out here. I have to know one way or the other. If I find that gay porn turns me on, I'll know I'm a homo. If it doesn't, I can stop worrying."

Either way, he had to know the truth.

Izumi sighed and walked up to the box office window. The brim of his cap blocked his view of the cashier.

"One, please," he said as he handed over the money for a ticket.

A man's hand pushed change and a ticket stub back at him, and in another few seconds, Izumi was in the theater.

When he walked into the lobby, he noticed other posters on the walls but registered only a few details, as his eyes flicked and danced trying to avoid contact with anything that might confirm his worst fears about himself.

Although there were a few patrons lounging in the smoking area, Izumi could not have described what any of them looked like as he carefully avoided eye contact.

It was a relief to enter the anonymity of the darkened theater. The movie was already playing.

Izumi found a seat, and finally screwed up the courage to look at the screen. The scene was nothing too frightening--an outdoor shot of a sunny beach with two guys in bathing suits walking in the sand, blue water behind them.

As Izumi's eyes gradually accommodated to the darkened room, the sunny beach scene dissolved to a dimly lit bedroom. At first, he could barely make out anything on the screen. He only sensed vague movement in the darkness. The audio track started out with the rustle of clothing. Then the sound gradually got louder, the actors voicing whispers, moans, and finally harsh gasps.

Suddenly, there was a shot of a fireplace, and then a quick camera cut, so that he saw both men--erect, hot, red, swollen...they were... He's shooting his load, thought Izumi. He's coming on that other guy's --SHIT!

Izumi had to look away.

Find something safe to look at, he told himself. Izumi's eyes darted nervously at the balcony drapes. He could still hear the sound of ragged groans. Quadraphonic sound?

No, that was coming from the couple in the seats five rows in front of him. Oh, no, they were kissing.

He jerked his head away from them and glanced sideways.

Thank God. What a relief to finally see a normal guy. That man's face was turned away from the screen, just like Izumi's was. It was nice to know that he wasn't the only one who couldn't stand to watch what was happening up there.

But why's he bending over and what's with his elbows? Oh, shit, those are knees. Some other guy's knees?"

Now he saw the man's thrusting motions even as he heard loud moans coming from the unseen partner.

Ohmigod, they're fucking for real...right here in the theater...

Izumi felt bile rise and burn his throat. He jumped from his seat and ran up the aisle, hand over his mouth to keep the vomit in. Out in the lobby area, he searched frantically for the toilet, finally found it and raced in. He didn't make to a stall, but leaned over the basin and threw up again and again, his body shaking.

I can't even look at it directly, he thought, and felt the urge to vomit again until he felt a hand on his shoulder.

"Hey, are you all right?" said a deep voice behind him.

The physical contact from a stranger set off alarm bells in Izumi's head.

Oh, shit, he thought. The bathroom is the most dangerous place.

"I'm okay," said Izumi as he looked up and saw a hulking man in shades reflected in the mirror.

Oh, God, this guy could snap me like a twig, he thought.

"It's not healthy to hold it in," said the man. "You gotta stay until it's all gone."

"Nope, nope. I'm feeling better already," said Izumi with an idiotic grin even as it dawned on him, Uh-oh, I've gotta get out of here...

The door to the bathroom opened to admit a tall man, who stared at Izumi and said, "What have we got here? A sick puppy?"

"What can I say? This poor kid needs our help."

"Come on. A boy like you shouldn't be on your own in a place like this. We'll take real good care of you," the second man said as he held out his arms to block off the exit.

Izumi panicked and bolted for the door as the big man reached out and pulled him into a bear hug. Izumi struggled madly and his cap fell on the floor, while the other man tried to yank his jacket off.

Izumi stamped on the big man's foot and when the guy let him loose, the youth whirled around, and kicked the tall man in the shins.

"You little shit!" he grunted.

"Get him," he said to his friend.

Izumi dodged, pulled open the bathroom door and rushed to exit as the assailants lunged after him. When the tall man stepped on the back of the boy's shoe by accident, Izumi's sneaker came off. The man tripped over it, and tumbled to the floor just as his partner piled into him and fell heavily on the lobby rug.

The last thing Izumi saw as he pelted out the theater door as fast as he could go, was the the big man staggering to his feet, shaking a fist at him and heading for the street.

After that, Izumi didn't dare stop to look behind him. Even though his left foot hurt from running without a shoe and he had a stitch in his side, still he had to keep going. He was terrified to think what might happen if those men caught him.

He didn't know how long he ran, maybe half an hour. He finally slowed when it started to drizzle and the puddles on the pavement wet the sock of his shoeless foot.

Izumi turned around, scanned the streets behind him, and heaved a sigh of relief when he saw no sign of the men who attacked him, but the feeling was short-lived. He was safe from them, but still scared by what almost happened.

He had to come up with a plan. Although he missed his mother, he couldn't bring himself to go back home just yet. If she saw him in this condition, she would have way too many questions. It would be better if he returned to Konno's place instead. As he fumbled for the keys to the apartment, he noticed that his jacket pocket had gotten ripped in the scuffle and the key was gone! He turned out all his pockets--jacket, pants and shirt, and came up empty. His money was gone too!

The sky darkened as night fell and it began to rain heavily. Izumi walked on, eyes blurred by tears. He didn't know what to do. He had no money and no place to go. He felt so cold, so wet, and so miserable inside and out. He couldn't talk to his mother or friends about what he was going through.

No one could help him now when he needed help most.

He supposed he would have to make a collect call and have his mother pick him up. He really didn't want to face her. He noticed he'd walked well into the Shinjuku area, and he could see the King's Hotel in the distance. That's where Takamiya was staying, he recalled.

He'd rather face Takamiya than his mother at this point. He was sure that Takamiya would lend him money for the subway. That was all he needed, he told himself over and over. All he wanted was to borrow money for the subway.

Izumi walked the rest of the way to the hotel as if he were in a dream. The doorman recognized him and let him in.

Izumi took the elevator to the penthouse, walked to the entrance and rang the doorbell.

To be continued