Categories > Books > Harry Potter > The Curse of Legalese
Anchovies, Pizza and Coffee
6 reviewsSequel to Potter's Revenge. What dangerous things existed in the Potter's vault? Harry's about to find out.
5Funny
Disclaimer: To simply say that I don't own the Harry Potter series and that I don't make any money from this fic is so dull. I would love to e able to say that I've kidnapped the character and holding them hostage until my demands are meet, whatever that maybe.
Bad author notes: This was actual an easy chapter to write, pain to edit but easy to write. The next chapter will be a nightmare! So don't except it any time soon.
Anchovies, Pizza and Coffee
By Lady FoxFire
August 20, 2005
"Do we have any more of the chicken chow mein?" Sirius whined as he looked through the empty take-out boxes littering the coffee table.
"You had that for breakfast," Remus replied, not even bothering to look up from the legal documents he was reading. "And, you ate what was left of the sweet and sour pork as a midnight snack last night."
"Pizza?" Sirius asked hopefully as he spied a pizza box of the far side of Remus.
"Only Remus' anchovy pizza is left," Harry answered around a yawn as he stumbled into the living room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
Sirius' face took on a slight green complexion. "I'm a dog, not a cat. I don't do fish. I can't believe you eat those things Remus," Sirius says as he pointed at the pizza box in revulsion.
Remus snorted, looking up from the paper, and looked at Sirius with an annoyed look on his face. "Well, considering it was the only thing you and James wouldn't eat, I learned to make do."
"Now don't you try to blame James and me for the fact that you wanted to study more than come to dinner. We called for you to come and eat." Sirius said in a huff, as he looked down his nose at Remus as if to say /'don't blame me for your mistakes'/.
"Since when is whispering 'dinner' up the stairs the same as calling someone to come and eat," Remus replied with a growl that promised payback.
"I should have stayed in bed," Harry grumbled to himself as he stumbled out of the room in search for coffee.
~*~
The remains of two pots of strong black coffee and take-out from an Indian restaurant now added to the litter on the coffee table.
"Okay, where are we?" Sirius said with a sigh as he drew his hand through his hair, his legs thrown over the arm of the chair he was sitting in.
"Number 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey, Great Britain," was the reply Harry offered as an answer from where he lay on the couch.
"Very funny Mr. Potter," Sirius said as he glared at his godson, throwing a crumbled up ball of paper at him and missing. "Let me rephrase my questions. What have we learned so far?" he asked as he waved a hand towards the multitude of boxes that were stacked haphazardly around the room.
"That I'm rich," Harry suggested in a bored tone.
"Wrong. You're filthy rich," Sirius corrected.
"Add another house to the list," Remus called out from the maze of boxes he was hiding behind.
Sirius and Harry groaned at the news Remus had discovered.
Rolling off the coach, Harry made his way over to a map of the world, which was covered with a multitude of color push pins.
"Location?" Harry asked as he searched for a white push pin.
"Saranac Lake, New York, USA," Remus said as he immerged from behind the boxes. "It's a small house on the lake, only five bedrooms and four bathrooms, with fifteen acres of land."
"He's right. That is small," Sirius commented as he swung his legs so his feet were on the floor, and grabbed another file from the box on the coffee table. "So what does that bring the total to? Eight or nine?"
"Eleven houses, 104 companies, four hotels, and one department store," Harry sighed as he plopped, once again, onto the couch.
"One more house, and you can live in a different place every month," Sirius said with a smirk
"I liked it better when it was a different house every season. What am I going to do with all of this?" Harry exclaimed with a wave of his hand to the map covered in push pins.
"I'm sure you'll think of something," Sirius said as he opened up the file.
"But what?" Harry grumbled to himself, as he chewed on a fingernail. "I could give one to the Weasley family, but they might take it as an act of pity or an attempt to buy off their friendship. Anyway, the Burrow is probably nicer than any of these places. I could give Hermione and Ron one as a wedding gift if they ever figure out that they love each other, but they probably would want a place of their own. Something they bought and paid for."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," Sirius said absent-mindedly as he read over the file.
Harry raised an eyebrow as he noticed how distracted his godfather was; an evil glint appeared in his eyes. "Of course, I could always paint all the houses bright pink and run brothels out of them that cater to both men and women. Maybe I could cater to exotics too. You know werewolves, vampire, centaurs...."
"Yeah that's an excellent idea," Sirius mumbled as he continued to read the file. "Go for it."
"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed in outrage, dropping a box of legal documents on the floor next to an empty chair that Remus had staked out for himself.
"Huh? What?" Sirius looked over at Remus in surprise. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"I can't believe you encouraged Harry to work in a house of ill-repute." Remus growled threateningly as he glared down at his friend.
Sirius looked up at Remus and blinked at him in confusion. "What? I won't do that!" Sirius countered.
"He's right, Remus," Harry said, a smirk on his face. "Sirius encouraged me to own them, not work in them."
"What? I... I...I never did that!" Sirius sputtered, his eyes practically popping out of his head.
"So Remus, do you think there would be a market for exotics?" Harry asked innocently. "Give everyone a chance to fulfill their deepest fantasy. Of course I would provide complete security for everyone and necessary Wolfsbane for those who need it." Harry tapped his chin with his index finger in deep thought. "Do you think 10% is too much to ask from those who work there? I mean I would be providing food, shelter and medical expenses."
"Well if you're serious... I would make it 15%," Remus suggested after a moment of thought. "But I would also make sure to screen the clients. You'll be able to make more money if you make it exclusive. That way you won't have someone like Malfoy become a client."
"Remus!" Sirius sputtered in outrage.
Harry snorted as he tried not to laugh out loud, which immediate drew Sirius's attention to him. Sirius' eyes narrowed as he looked turned back to Remus, who was biting his lip. With a 'harrumph,' Sirius turned back to the file he had been reading and ignored his friend and godson as they snickered.
"I don't think he liked our little joke," Remus commented with a wink to Harry.
Harry shook his head in amusement. "But seriously Remus, do you think there would be a market for an exotic brothel?"
"Ash," Remus' mouth dropped open in surprise.
Harry smiled evilly, "Got ya."
Remus glared evilly at Harry as he plopped down into his chair. "I blame you for all of this Sirius," he said.
"Aha. Yeah. Right," Sirius replied in a distracted tone as he flipped a page of the file.
Remus and Harry looked at each other once again.
"Earth to Sirius," Harry called out. "Sirius?"
"Huh? Yeah?" Sirius replied.
"What do you have there Sirius?" Harry asked with a smirk. "Dirty photos Dad hid from my mum? I know ... it's a photo of Snape in a tutu."
"Hmmm. No. No," Sirius said absent-mindedly. "That's in my vault." Sirius flipped back to the previous page. "This can't be right," he mumbled to himself.
"What can't be right," Remus asked, his concern evident in his voice.
"Why would he do something like this?" Sirius asked as he stood up, and began to pace back and forth while reading the file. "I mean, it just doesn't make sense. Why help him?"
"Sirius, what is it? What's wrong?" Harry asked as he stood up and walked over to Sirius so that he could read the file over Sirius' shoulder.
"Well, from what I can understand... your great-great grandfather, Octavus Potter, loaned another wizard some money to help him get out of a financial mess he was in. Now this wizard and all of his male heirs are required to pay the Potter family a set amount each year until the loan is repaid, without interest. If the family forfeited the loan, then the loan becomes due, including all the interest since the time the loan was created."
"Okay," Harry said with a nod of his head to indicate that he understood what Sirius said.
Sirius closed the file and looked Harry right in the eyes. "The loan has been in default since 1982."
Harry shrugged his shoulders. "So?" He asked in a dismissive tone. "A lot of families died out during the war, Sirius. For all we know, this family could have been one of them. Or maybe the survivors didn't know about the loan. Or, they didn't have the money." Harry walked back to the couch and plopped back down. "It's not like they could have paid me while I was living with the Dursley's."
"They wouldn't have paid you, Harry. They would have been required to make all payments through the goblins, who would have kept account of everything," Remus commented. "It's standard procedure. But I wonder why they didn't foreclose on the loan already."
"That's something you'll have to ask them about, Remus," Sirius stated. "As for your question, Harry. I know for a fact that the family is still alive and that they have money. And even if his parents never told him about the loan, the goblins would have as soon as he came of age."
"And the point of all this is ...?" Harry asked.
"Read who the loan is to," Sirius said, holding out the papers to Harry.
Remus threw himself out of his chair and over to the couch, where he read the file over Harry's shoulder.
"Oh shit!"
Bad author notes: This was actual an easy chapter to write, pain to edit but easy to write. The next chapter will be a nightmare! So don't except it any time soon.
Anchovies, Pizza and Coffee
By Lady FoxFire
August 20, 2005
"Do we have any more of the chicken chow mein?" Sirius whined as he looked through the empty take-out boxes littering the coffee table.
"You had that for breakfast," Remus replied, not even bothering to look up from the legal documents he was reading. "And, you ate what was left of the sweet and sour pork as a midnight snack last night."
"Pizza?" Sirius asked hopefully as he spied a pizza box of the far side of Remus.
"Only Remus' anchovy pizza is left," Harry answered around a yawn as he stumbled into the living room, rubbing the sleep from his eyes.
Sirius' face took on a slight green complexion. "I'm a dog, not a cat. I don't do fish. I can't believe you eat those things Remus," Sirius says as he pointed at the pizza box in revulsion.
Remus snorted, looking up from the paper, and looked at Sirius with an annoyed look on his face. "Well, considering it was the only thing you and James wouldn't eat, I learned to make do."
"Now don't you try to blame James and me for the fact that you wanted to study more than come to dinner. We called for you to come and eat." Sirius said in a huff, as he looked down his nose at Remus as if to say /'don't blame me for your mistakes'/.
"Since when is whispering 'dinner' up the stairs the same as calling someone to come and eat," Remus replied with a growl that promised payback.
"I should have stayed in bed," Harry grumbled to himself as he stumbled out of the room in search for coffee.
~*~
The remains of two pots of strong black coffee and take-out from an Indian restaurant now added to the litter on the coffee table.
"Okay, where are we?" Sirius said with a sigh as he drew his hand through his hair, his legs thrown over the arm of the chair he was sitting in.
"Number 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey, Great Britain," was the reply Harry offered as an answer from where he lay on the couch.
"Very funny Mr. Potter," Sirius said as he glared at his godson, throwing a crumbled up ball of paper at him and missing. "Let me rephrase my questions. What have we learned so far?" he asked as he waved a hand towards the multitude of boxes that were stacked haphazardly around the room.
"That I'm rich," Harry suggested in a bored tone.
"Wrong. You're filthy rich," Sirius corrected.
"Add another house to the list," Remus called out from the maze of boxes he was hiding behind.
Sirius and Harry groaned at the news Remus had discovered.
Rolling off the coach, Harry made his way over to a map of the world, which was covered with a multitude of color push pins.
"Location?" Harry asked as he searched for a white push pin.
"Saranac Lake, New York, USA," Remus said as he immerged from behind the boxes. "It's a small house on the lake, only five bedrooms and four bathrooms, with fifteen acres of land."
"He's right. That is small," Sirius commented as he swung his legs so his feet were on the floor, and grabbed another file from the box on the coffee table. "So what does that bring the total to? Eight or nine?"
"Eleven houses, 104 companies, four hotels, and one department store," Harry sighed as he plopped, once again, onto the couch.
"One more house, and you can live in a different place every month," Sirius said with a smirk
"I liked it better when it was a different house every season. What am I going to do with all of this?" Harry exclaimed with a wave of his hand to the map covered in push pins.
"I'm sure you'll think of something," Sirius said as he opened up the file.
"But what?" Harry grumbled to himself, as he chewed on a fingernail. "I could give one to the Weasley family, but they might take it as an act of pity or an attempt to buy off their friendship. Anyway, the Burrow is probably nicer than any of these places. I could give Hermione and Ron one as a wedding gift if they ever figure out that they love each other, but they probably would want a place of their own. Something they bought and paid for."
"Yeah, that's a good idea," Sirius said absent-mindedly as he read over the file.
Harry raised an eyebrow as he noticed how distracted his godfather was; an evil glint appeared in his eyes. "Of course, I could always paint all the houses bright pink and run brothels out of them that cater to both men and women. Maybe I could cater to exotics too. You know werewolves, vampire, centaurs...."
"Yeah that's an excellent idea," Sirius mumbled as he continued to read the file. "Go for it."
"Sirius!" Remus exclaimed in outrage, dropping a box of legal documents on the floor next to an empty chair that Remus had staked out for himself.
"Huh? What?" Sirius looked over at Remus in surprise. "What's wrong?" he asked.
"I can't believe you encouraged Harry to work in a house of ill-repute." Remus growled threateningly as he glared down at his friend.
Sirius looked up at Remus and blinked at him in confusion. "What? I won't do that!" Sirius countered.
"He's right, Remus," Harry said, a smirk on his face. "Sirius encouraged me to own them, not work in them."
"What? I... I...I never did that!" Sirius sputtered, his eyes practically popping out of his head.
"So Remus, do you think there would be a market for exotics?" Harry asked innocently. "Give everyone a chance to fulfill their deepest fantasy. Of course I would provide complete security for everyone and necessary Wolfsbane for those who need it." Harry tapped his chin with his index finger in deep thought. "Do you think 10% is too much to ask from those who work there? I mean I would be providing food, shelter and medical expenses."
"Well if you're serious... I would make it 15%," Remus suggested after a moment of thought. "But I would also make sure to screen the clients. You'll be able to make more money if you make it exclusive. That way you won't have someone like Malfoy become a client."
"Remus!" Sirius sputtered in outrage.
Harry snorted as he tried not to laugh out loud, which immediate drew Sirius's attention to him. Sirius' eyes narrowed as he looked turned back to Remus, who was biting his lip. With a 'harrumph,' Sirius turned back to the file he had been reading and ignored his friend and godson as they snickered.
"I don't think he liked our little joke," Remus commented with a wink to Harry.
Harry shook his head in amusement. "But seriously Remus, do you think there would be a market for an exotic brothel?"
"Ash," Remus' mouth dropped open in surprise.
Harry smiled evilly, "Got ya."
Remus glared evilly at Harry as he plopped down into his chair. "I blame you for all of this Sirius," he said.
"Aha. Yeah. Right," Sirius replied in a distracted tone as he flipped a page of the file.
Remus and Harry looked at each other once again.
"Earth to Sirius," Harry called out. "Sirius?"
"Huh? Yeah?" Sirius replied.
"What do you have there Sirius?" Harry asked with a smirk. "Dirty photos Dad hid from my mum? I know ... it's a photo of Snape in a tutu."
"Hmmm. No. No," Sirius said absent-mindedly. "That's in my vault." Sirius flipped back to the previous page. "This can't be right," he mumbled to himself.
"What can't be right," Remus asked, his concern evident in his voice.
"Why would he do something like this?" Sirius asked as he stood up, and began to pace back and forth while reading the file. "I mean, it just doesn't make sense. Why help him?"
"Sirius, what is it? What's wrong?" Harry asked as he stood up and walked over to Sirius so that he could read the file over Sirius' shoulder.
"Well, from what I can understand... your great-great grandfather, Octavus Potter, loaned another wizard some money to help him get out of a financial mess he was in. Now this wizard and all of his male heirs are required to pay the Potter family a set amount each year until the loan is repaid, without interest. If the family forfeited the loan, then the loan becomes due, including all the interest since the time the loan was created."
"Okay," Harry said with a nod of his head to indicate that he understood what Sirius said.
Sirius closed the file and looked Harry right in the eyes. "The loan has been in default since 1982."
Harry shrugged his shoulders. "So?" He asked in a dismissive tone. "A lot of families died out during the war, Sirius. For all we know, this family could have been one of them. Or maybe the survivors didn't know about the loan. Or, they didn't have the money." Harry walked back to the couch and plopped back down. "It's not like they could have paid me while I was living with the Dursley's."
"They wouldn't have paid you, Harry. They would have been required to make all payments through the goblins, who would have kept account of everything," Remus commented. "It's standard procedure. But I wonder why they didn't foreclose on the loan already."
"That's something you'll have to ask them about, Remus," Sirius stated. "As for your question, Harry. I know for a fact that the family is still alive and that they have money. And even if his parents never told him about the loan, the goblins would have as soon as he came of age."
"And the point of all this is ...?" Harry asked.
"Read who the loan is to," Sirius said, holding out the papers to Harry.
Remus threw himself out of his chair and over to the couch, where he read the file over Harry's shoulder.
"Oh shit!"
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