Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Time to Live
Pay no Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain
0 reviewsAU Post OotP, No HBP, With Voldemort gone it's time for Harry to Live.
5Funny
Time to Live 17
By Loralee
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Severus Snape
Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain
Thankfully Snape's shock lasted until Harry apparated them both to the alleyway behind the Hotel. As Snape began sputtering about his dual apparition, Harry stripped off his dress robes to reveal the muggle clothes underneath, cast a speculative eye over Snape's old fashion frock coat, shrugged and walked away leaving Snape to once again trail behind. They entered the Hotel to the valet's greeting.
The desk clerk looked up and smiled at Harry, "Good evening Mr. Potter, how can I help you tonight?"
Hi, Carol, this is my uncle Mr. Snape. He's going to need a room for tonight. We will both be leaving tomorrow though."
"Oh, we'll be sorry to see you go, Mr. Potter. Would you like the adjoining room opened up? Your current room is sometimes used as a suite."
"Yes that will be fine, thank you. Oh, could you have something from room service sent up. It's been an awfully long day. Something simple," said Harry with a grin.
Carol smiled warmly and said, "Certainly, Mr. Potter, I'll see to it right away."
Harry nodded and walked toward the lifts with Snape in tow.
Once in Harry's room, Severus sat down gingerly, on the couch and glared at Harry.
"Your uncle, Potter?"
"What, you want them to think you're some kind of pervert instead. It's bad enough you're dressed like that. The loo is there by the way if you want to clean up before we eat," said Harry, pointing to the bathroom.
Harry then dug out his Gringotts account ledger hoping that he had some property where they could stay. He was watching Snape out of the corner of his eye waiting for the explosion. Instead, Snape took his bag and went into the bathroom. Harry heard the lock click shut and shrugged. He didn't think he'd ever understand the snarky git.
While Snape was in the loo, Harry heard a knock from the connecting door. When he opened it the one of the valets was there and had the key to that room. Harry tipped him and laid the key down on the table.
Harry finally found a property, and pulled out his cell phone and called Picklock to make arrangements, to take possession. The property was thankfully vacant. They would have to go past Gringotts first thing in the morning. Harry wanted Snape settled somewhere safe before he went back to the Ministry for the rest of the trials.
Snape was still in the bathroom when the food came so Harry knocked on the door to let him know. Several minutes later Snape emerged wearing a plain black robe with his hair still wet. Harry looked at him with surprise for a minute and then reached into his pocket.
"Sorry, I should have given this back sooner," he said and handed Severus his wand.
Snape sat down at the small table and held his wand. "You are under no obligation to return this to me, Mr. Potter."
"Look, lets just eat now and we can talk after. I'm sure you'll feel up to yelling and insulting me sooner or later," said Harry with a smirk.
Snape's mouth opened and then shut again and he nodded. He was really starting to freak Harry out.
They ate in silence.
When they were done, Harry finally sighed and asked the question, "Are you all right, Professor?"
It was as if a dam had burst. Snape's mouth curled into a sneer and his face began to turn red.
"I am not your bloody Professor any longer, you bloody foolish, arrogant, Gryffindor, idiot." Snape roared. "This is your fault, Potter. You and your bloody Gryffindor need for showing off, for…" he stopped abruptly as Harry pulled his wand.
"Please continue," said Harry, when he finished putting up the silencing charm.
Snape shook his head, "No, Mr. Potter, I don't need to continue to rant and rave. If you had just cursed me in my cell, as I had thought you would do, I would be in a cell in Azkaban or within the clutches of the Headmaster. Don't think I will thank you, however."
"Wouldn't dream of it," said Harry with, a smirk. "Look, I have some letters to write. Would you like to watch a little telly before bed?" He picked up the remote. "This is the on/off button and this one changes the stations."
He handed the remote to Snape and began pulling parchment from his bag as Snape stared at him.
"Potter," Snape was cut off as a phoenix appeared in the room. Harry and Snape both had their wands out as a pop sounded and Dobby appeared.
"Bad bird, you is to be bringing mail to Dobby, not to Master Harry, you bad bird," said the house elf sternly. Fawkes dropped an envelope in front of Harry, let out a trill and turned his back to the elf. Harry laughed and put his wand away.
"Don't be to hard on him Dobby he was only doing what he was told. Weren't you Fawkes?"
"That is the Headmasters phoenix, Potter. He will know where we are," said Snape.
Harry rolled his eyes, "Of course he will, I'm not exactly hiding, you know. Dobby can you tell if the letter is trapped, if it has a portkey in or on it?"
Dobby held his hand over the envelope then opened it up and said, "Letter is not, this page has portkey embedded." The page in question floated out of the envelope and off to the side. Harry took the letter.
Dear Harry
I am so glad to see that you have set aside your animosity for Professor Snape. It was a very nice gesture today to speak for him. I am sorry however that Amelia has placed this burden on your shoulders. You have already done so much for the Wizarding world.
I must warn you not to give Severus his wand or to remove the inhibitor cuff, as Severus could possibly be a danger to you. I don't imagine that his feelings toward you have changed. Although you are aware that he had to act in such a manner I find myself wondering more and more if he did not enjoy the role he had to play.
I have enclosed a contract for Severus' services as Potions teacher here at Hogwarts for the term of his probation where either or both of us may aid him in his rehabilitation. Of course he cannot continue as the Slytherin Head of House and his interaction with the students will be closely monitored.
Severus must be carefully guided into a new lifestyle now that Voldemort is gone. I had intended to see to this myself. If you feel that Severus will be too much of a burden then I would be glad to relieve you of it. You may assign custody of Severus to me and be assured that I will see to his needs.
The contract can be used as a portkey if you wish to discuss this with me or to send Severus to Hogwarts immediately. Simple touch it with your wand and say Hogwarts. You are always welcome.
Albus Dumbledore
Harry snorted and tossed the letter to Snape. "What a load of dragon dung." Harry then leaned over to look at the contract without touching it.
"Is 500 galleons a year good pay?" Harry asked after a moment.
"No, Potter but it's the 'perks' that the Headmaster thinks are the selling points."
"Perks?"
"Free room and board year round, cleaning and laundry service, on site medical facilities, hot and cold running elves."
Harry's eyes widened, "Was that a joke?"
Snape's mouth quirked slightly, "Of course not Potter, I don't joke."
"So, you don't want to teach, do you?" asked Harry.
"It is your decision not mine. I apparently need supervision." The sneer was back.
"Ok then," Harry picked up his quill.
Headmaster,
I am returning to you the unsigned teaching contract, Mr. Snape will not be teaching Potions for Hogwarts. If he, as you believe needs to be supervised then he should not be teaching children. If however he should be rewarded for his past service to the light then I believe that he should not be forced into a position that he does not want or like.
Please be advised that as long as Mr. Snape is under my supervision he is also under my protection.
Harry Potter
There that should do it I think. He showed the note to Snape and then had Dobby levitate the contract into an envelope with the note.
"Will you take this to the Headmaster, Fawkes? Also, don't ever bring him to me unannounced, ok?" Fawkes trilled a distinctly positive note and vanished in a burst of flame.
Harry pulled the other parchment toward him as he had other letters to write. Snape stared at Harry for a short time and then shook himself.
He finally picked up the remote and pressed the on/off button. The telly flared to live. Harry was watching unobtrusively as Snape regarded the television.
"feminine hygiene products" click,
"Lucy, I'm home," click,
"sounds of anti aircraft guns and planes" click,
"two to beam up" click
Harry snorted to himself, 'Figures, Snape's a flipper'
"West Ham scores" click,
"I'll get you, my pretty and your little dog too!" click,
"unclogs drains" click
"Potter is that man a wizard? His living space is bigger inside than out," said Snape, staring intently at the telly. Harry looked to see a man exiting a blue police call box.
"No, he's from another planet." At Snape's glare he continued, "That show is fiction, make believe." Snape nodded and jabbed at the button in his hand.
"stay fresh all day" click
"Tonight's scores" click
"doe a deer, a female deer" Harry tuned it out and concentrated on his letters.
Sometime later Harry stretched and noticed that Snape was still watching the movie and the family was just escaping over the mountains.
"I'm for bed, Professor."
"Where am I to sleep, Potter?"
"Your room is though there, sir." Harry pointed to the door to the adjoining room. Snape click off the television, picked up his bag and disappeared into the next room without a word. Harry shook his head, piled the dishes on to the tray and set it outside the door. He locked the door and heard the telly in Snape's room come on.
"feminine hygiene products" click.
A/N: This story is supposed to be humorous; I know it's a little silly, who would have guessed that Snape likes musicals?
Revised 1/18/07
By Loralee
Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or Severus Snape
Pay No Attention to the Man Behind the Curtain
Thankfully Snape's shock lasted until Harry apparated them both to the alleyway behind the Hotel. As Snape began sputtering about his dual apparition, Harry stripped off his dress robes to reveal the muggle clothes underneath, cast a speculative eye over Snape's old fashion frock coat, shrugged and walked away leaving Snape to once again trail behind. They entered the Hotel to the valet's greeting.
The desk clerk looked up and smiled at Harry, "Good evening Mr. Potter, how can I help you tonight?"
Hi, Carol, this is my uncle Mr. Snape. He's going to need a room for tonight. We will both be leaving tomorrow though."
"Oh, we'll be sorry to see you go, Mr. Potter. Would you like the adjoining room opened up? Your current room is sometimes used as a suite."
"Yes that will be fine, thank you. Oh, could you have something from room service sent up. It's been an awfully long day. Something simple," said Harry with a grin.
Carol smiled warmly and said, "Certainly, Mr. Potter, I'll see to it right away."
Harry nodded and walked toward the lifts with Snape in tow.
Once in Harry's room, Severus sat down gingerly, on the couch and glared at Harry.
"Your uncle, Potter?"
"What, you want them to think you're some kind of pervert instead. It's bad enough you're dressed like that. The loo is there by the way if you want to clean up before we eat," said Harry, pointing to the bathroom.
Harry then dug out his Gringotts account ledger hoping that he had some property where they could stay. He was watching Snape out of the corner of his eye waiting for the explosion. Instead, Snape took his bag and went into the bathroom. Harry heard the lock click shut and shrugged. He didn't think he'd ever understand the snarky git.
While Snape was in the loo, Harry heard a knock from the connecting door. When he opened it the one of the valets was there and had the key to that room. Harry tipped him and laid the key down on the table.
Harry finally found a property, and pulled out his cell phone and called Picklock to make arrangements, to take possession. The property was thankfully vacant. They would have to go past Gringotts first thing in the morning. Harry wanted Snape settled somewhere safe before he went back to the Ministry for the rest of the trials.
Snape was still in the bathroom when the food came so Harry knocked on the door to let him know. Several minutes later Snape emerged wearing a plain black robe with his hair still wet. Harry looked at him with surprise for a minute and then reached into his pocket.
"Sorry, I should have given this back sooner," he said and handed Severus his wand.
Snape sat down at the small table and held his wand. "You are under no obligation to return this to me, Mr. Potter."
"Look, lets just eat now and we can talk after. I'm sure you'll feel up to yelling and insulting me sooner or later," said Harry with a smirk.
Snape's mouth opened and then shut again and he nodded. He was really starting to freak Harry out.
They ate in silence.
When they were done, Harry finally sighed and asked the question, "Are you all right, Professor?"
It was as if a dam had burst. Snape's mouth curled into a sneer and his face began to turn red.
"I am not your bloody Professor any longer, you bloody foolish, arrogant, Gryffindor, idiot." Snape roared. "This is your fault, Potter. You and your bloody Gryffindor need for showing off, for…" he stopped abruptly as Harry pulled his wand.
"Please continue," said Harry, when he finished putting up the silencing charm.
Snape shook his head, "No, Mr. Potter, I don't need to continue to rant and rave. If you had just cursed me in my cell, as I had thought you would do, I would be in a cell in Azkaban or within the clutches of the Headmaster. Don't think I will thank you, however."
"Wouldn't dream of it," said Harry with, a smirk. "Look, I have some letters to write. Would you like to watch a little telly before bed?" He picked up the remote. "This is the on/off button and this one changes the stations."
He handed the remote to Snape and began pulling parchment from his bag as Snape stared at him.
"Potter," Snape was cut off as a phoenix appeared in the room. Harry and Snape both had their wands out as a pop sounded and Dobby appeared.
"Bad bird, you is to be bringing mail to Dobby, not to Master Harry, you bad bird," said the house elf sternly. Fawkes dropped an envelope in front of Harry, let out a trill and turned his back to the elf. Harry laughed and put his wand away.
"Don't be to hard on him Dobby he was only doing what he was told. Weren't you Fawkes?"
"That is the Headmasters phoenix, Potter. He will know where we are," said Snape.
Harry rolled his eyes, "Of course he will, I'm not exactly hiding, you know. Dobby can you tell if the letter is trapped, if it has a portkey in or on it?"
Dobby held his hand over the envelope then opened it up and said, "Letter is not, this page has portkey embedded." The page in question floated out of the envelope and off to the side. Harry took the letter.
Dear Harry
I am so glad to see that you have set aside your animosity for Professor Snape. It was a very nice gesture today to speak for him. I am sorry however that Amelia has placed this burden on your shoulders. You have already done so much for the Wizarding world.
I must warn you not to give Severus his wand or to remove the inhibitor cuff, as Severus could possibly be a danger to you. I don't imagine that his feelings toward you have changed. Although you are aware that he had to act in such a manner I find myself wondering more and more if he did not enjoy the role he had to play.
I have enclosed a contract for Severus' services as Potions teacher here at Hogwarts for the term of his probation where either or both of us may aid him in his rehabilitation. Of course he cannot continue as the Slytherin Head of House and his interaction with the students will be closely monitored.
Severus must be carefully guided into a new lifestyle now that Voldemort is gone. I had intended to see to this myself. If you feel that Severus will be too much of a burden then I would be glad to relieve you of it. You may assign custody of Severus to me and be assured that I will see to his needs.
The contract can be used as a portkey if you wish to discuss this with me or to send Severus to Hogwarts immediately. Simple touch it with your wand and say Hogwarts. You are always welcome.
Albus Dumbledore
Harry snorted and tossed the letter to Snape. "What a load of dragon dung." Harry then leaned over to look at the contract without touching it.
"Is 500 galleons a year good pay?" Harry asked after a moment.
"No, Potter but it's the 'perks' that the Headmaster thinks are the selling points."
"Perks?"
"Free room and board year round, cleaning and laundry service, on site medical facilities, hot and cold running elves."
Harry's eyes widened, "Was that a joke?"
Snape's mouth quirked slightly, "Of course not Potter, I don't joke."
"So, you don't want to teach, do you?" asked Harry.
"It is your decision not mine. I apparently need supervision." The sneer was back.
"Ok then," Harry picked up his quill.
Headmaster,
I am returning to you the unsigned teaching contract, Mr. Snape will not be teaching Potions for Hogwarts. If he, as you believe needs to be supervised then he should not be teaching children. If however he should be rewarded for his past service to the light then I believe that he should not be forced into a position that he does not want or like.
Please be advised that as long as Mr. Snape is under my supervision he is also under my protection.
Harry Potter
There that should do it I think. He showed the note to Snape and then had Dobby levitate the contract into an envelope with the note.
"Will you take this to the Headmaster, Fawkes? Also, don't ever bring him to me unannounced, ok?" Fawkes trilled a distinctly positive note and vanished in a burst of flame.
Harry pulled the other parchment toward him as he had other letters to write. Snape stared at Harry for a short time and then shook himself.
He finally picked up the remote and pressed the on/off button. The telly flared to live. Harry was watching unobtrusively as Snape regarded the television.
"feminine hygiene products" click,
"Lucy, I'm home," click,
"sounds of anti aircraft guns and planes" click,
"two to beam up" click
Harry snorted to himself, 'Figures, Snape's a flipper'
"West Ham scores" click,
"I'll get you, my pretty and your little dog too!" click,
"unclogs drains" click
"Potter is that man a wizard? His living space is bigger inside than out," said Snape, staring intently at the telly. Harry looked to see a man exiting a blue police call box.
"No, he's from another planet." At Snape's glare he continued, "That show is fiction, make believe." Snape nodded and jabbed at the button in his hand.
"stay fresh all day" click
"Tonight's scores" click
"doe a deer, a female deer" Harry tuned it out and concentrated on his letters.
Sometime later Harry stretched and noticed that Snape was still watching the movie and the family was just escaping over the mountains.
"I'm for bed, Professor."
"Where am I to sleep, Potter?"
"Your room is though there, sir." Harry pointed to the door to the adjoining room. Snape click off the television, picked up his bag and disappeared into the next room without a word. Harry shook his head, piled the dishes on to the tray and set it outside the door. He locked the door and heard the telly in Snape's room come on.
"feminine hygiene products" click.
A/N: This story is supposed to be humorous; I know it's a little silly, who would have guessed that Snape likes musicals?
Revised 1/18/07
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