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I stared blankly out the window, iPod in hand.

"...and I'm waiting for you, with or without you, I can't live..."
The room was slowly darkening as the sun dipped lower and lower, until I was staring out at the darkened, snow-covered street. I don't know how long I stood there, just watching, not even thinking.

"Lexi?"

I slowly turned around; Izzy stood in the doorway, warm light from the hall flooding into the darkened office. She was wearing black dress pants and a modest, smart black blouse, a white rose pinned to the lapel. Her outfit was fitting and smart; I looked down at my modest black dress; it was simple. Maybe a bit too dressy. My similar white rose was pinned crooked; I looked awful.

"What are you doing?" Izzy asked softly after I didn't answer, her British voice quiet.

I shrugged halfheartedly.
Izzy looked at me with sympathetic eyes.

"Do you want me to run you a bath?"

Tears filled my eyes; I bit my lip and let out a small squeak.

"No." I whispered, my voice quivering.

"Why not?"

"Because...C-c..." I started sobbing before I could utter the name.

"Alright, alright, you don't have to explain. How about a nice, hot shower?"

I nodded, wide eyed.
Izzy extended her hand, reaching for my iPod. She glanced at the screen; 'With or without you by U2'. She shook her head sadly.
I quickly dried my eyes and watched as she ran the shower, testing the heat with her hand. She turned around;

"'kay."

I kept on staring.

"Well, I'm not gonna bloody-well undress you, if that's what you want." She snapped.

She stepped past me and closed the bedroom door. Sighing, I undressed myself and stepped into the shower. I think it was too hot; but I just stood there, letting the water rush over my body, wishing it could wash away the past week. I looked over the bottles of shampoo; the Head and Shoulders jumped out at me. I swallowed tears, imagining him lathering it through his think, dark hair-

"Lexi! Are you okay?"

Sighing, I turned off the water.

"Fine." I called back.

I wrapped a towel around my body, and left the bathroom. I didn't want to face the bedroom; I stood at the end of the hall, staring blankly at the door. Izzy was watching me.

"You haven't been in there for a week, Lex. You have to go." She said firmly, but not unkindly.

I took a deep breath, clutching the towel around my body, and walked towards the room I had been dreading all week. Izzy did not follow me; I was alone. I pushed open the door. The covers were the exact same way they had been early Sunday morning, when I had awoken to someone knocking on the door at 3 a.m. I had never returned to bed. I changed slowly into my fuzzy pajamas. I carefully avoided touching his shirts as I fished through my drawers, folded neatly next to mine. I made it to the bed without thinking about him, without seeing him in my mind's eye. But I couldn't bring myself to crawl under the flannel, burgundy covers. Ghostly hands wrapped themselves around my waist, and his far away voice whispered in my ear;

"I love you, Lexi."

My imagination went wild. I cried out in agony, wanting the raging war inside my mind to end. I collapsed against the wall, crying hysterically. This was too much to bear. I heard running footsteps; Izzy appeared, her mourning clothes gone, now clad in white flannel pajamas with little green dinosaurs all over them. Her eyes swept the room, and fell on my sad, crumpled form in the far corner. She sighed, and approached me, kneeling down and putting an arm around me.

"Lexi...I miss him, too, you know." She whispered.

The room smelt faintly of his cologne, mingled with my perfume. Izzy looked down at my trembling hands and sighed.

"You know, you have to take off your engagement ring sooner or later, it'll hurt you more to keep looking at it."

I slipped the ring off my finger, and let it drop from my fingers. Izzy and I watched it roll under the bed. Suddenly, Izzy was crying too. Neither of us had cried at the funeral; we'd been quiet and trance-like. But now, all the emotion was pouring out. We sat there for an hour, maybe two, just crying. Eventually, Izzy stood up, and pulled me up by the hand.

"G-go to bed, Lexi, you need it. We both need sleep."

I crawled under the covers, and Izzy left. I fell into a fitful sleep, dreaming of speeding cars and coffins.


It had been one week since awoke at three a.m. to the Police knock on my door. There had been a terrible car wreck; Cass would never see our wedding day. Cass would never see me in my beautiful white gown. The three musketeers had vanished; it was Lexi and Izzy now. Cass was dead.