FicWad

It was a mistake, he knew, agreeing to play along with their idea. But he was a bored telepath on a Friday night while his teammates were out doing the hunter-killer thing and the puppy had disappeared off to God knows where so really, he couldn't be held accountable for going along with the whole thing. Especially when dealing with the brats- all stubborn will, too-clever eyes, and the thinly-veiled threat of perpetual whining.

Schuldig was proud of them.

He just wished they hadn't decided to have a pseudo-slumber party on his night in. And that Cailin didn't love to braid his hair. That Brett didn't pick the pink nail polish.

And that Kirito hadn't been a telekinetic. Because once Schuldig had agreed, there was no way out.

"So what's next?" Calin asked, tossing her Hello Kitty brush over her shoulder. It landed with a thud by some stray popcorn.

"We could play.....I Never. Of course, my father would kill us if we drank. But my dad can," Brett said with perhaps too malicious a glint in his eyes. If he wore glasses, they would undoubtedly flash.

Schuldig frowned. "I think I'm done for the night. Have fun, kiddo's."

"No, Uncle Schu! You have to play!" Cailin's eyes wobbled.

"It won't be fun without you," Kirito said. "It would be /dull/."

Schuldig eyed them wearily.

The spawn all smiled.

"Fine."

"Great!" Brett exclaimed. "Kirito, float some vodka in here. And I go first." He looked thoughtful. "And first one to pass out gets a new makeover."

Schuldig sat up straighter. "Hey, I'm the only one drin-" A bottle of vodka fell into his lap.

"You're not backing out are you, Uncle Schu?" Kirito asked.

"...No..." The German grit his teeth.

"Good. Now then," Brett scratched his chin. "I never... killed a person."

Schuldig decided to just down the whole bottle right then and there and speed up the process.

*

Crawford stared at his telepath in something akin to horror.

Schuldig stared back with a bland expression.

Crawford coughed. "I thought you said you weren't going to dye your hair green again."

"I didn't dye it."

When Farfarello wandered into the room a second and took notice, muttering something about the motherland and nuns, Schuldig decided that they had truly raised the kids well.

Too well.