Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Downward Spiral
I tried to search through my contacts as I ran the long distance from Jacquelyn's apartment to Gerard's parents. I didn't fancy being alone - in case Mary WAS some psycho killer.
I was having difficulty seeing the keypad through my tears, but it was fairly simple to ring Bob as he was at the top of the contact list.
After getting it to dial his number, I raised the phone to my ear.
"How'd it go?"
"Horribly," I didn't need to tell him I was crying as a lump formed in my throat.
"What happened?"
"She fucking framed me again! Jacquelyn came back and she just screamed and dropped to the floor!" I was sure Bob was holding the phone away from his ear as I screamed down the phone myself. "And so Jacquelyn kicked me out!"
"Where are you going to stay?"
"I'm going to Gerard's parents, I'm staying there. I'm going back tomorrow to pick up my stuff," I slowed my pace to a jog. "Bob?"
"Hum?"
"Tell Gerard what's happened,"
"You sure? You know he'll go mental at us for not telling him, at you for not letting us tell and then demand we come back,"
"I know, I know. Just tell him. And, in the unlikely event that he does insist on coming back - hit him for me. Tie him up if you have to - just don't let him come back,"
"Okay. You going to be okay?" I smiled and laughed slightly.
"I'm Not Okay, and I'm not going to be,"
"Well...when you get there, explain everything to Donna - she may not believe you, but she'll support you anyway,"
"'Kay," I stopped my running to gather my breath.
"Call me when you get there,"
"Kay,"
"See ya,"
"Bye," I pressed 'end' on the keypad before placing the phone into my front pocket. Feeling around, I found money in a back pocket, and quickly hailed a cab.
------------------------------------------
I was still on my way to a heart attack educed by too much running when I finally made my way up to the door of Gerard's parents house.
For a moment, I was sure my feeble attempt at knocking had gone un-noticed and was about to knock again when the door swung open. The sound of chatting and laughter filled my ears before there was a surprised gasp.
"Sam - are you okay?" I shook my head lightly, still breathing deeply. I didn't look up to meet Donna's eyes as she ushered me in and seated me on a sofa.
Picking a spot on the floor, I decidedly tried to bore a hole through it with only my eyesight as she bustled off. There were hushed voices, and I caught my name before I heard chairs scraping on the floor and solemn goodbyes. Still, my spot on the floor was more interesting.
I was unsurprised to jump in my seat as my mobile started vibrating in my pocket, the dull tune of Daft Punk's 'Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger' floating to my ears from the pocket. I almost smiled, remembering what had prompted that tune being assigned to Gerard's mobile. Almost.
Hastily, I pulled it out of my pocket, double checking the caller I.D:
'Gmob'
I stared at the phone, vibrating in my hand, whilst listening to the front door open and close as whoever had been in the house before me left.
I breathed a sigh of relief, somewhat, but my respite didn't last long. Muffled footsteps were making their way towards me when the phone started ringing again. My eyes started to prick with tears and I hastily put the phone on the coffee table so I could use both hands to cover my mouth.
"Sam...?" My head shot up to look at Donna. I realised I had started slowly rocking in my seat and stopped myself, sitting back in the sofa. "What's wrong?" She sat next to me on the edge of the sofa, placing a hand gently on my knee.
"I..." I sniffed loudly. Daft Punk stopped playing in my ears.
"Come on, what is it?"
"Mary..." As Daft Punk resumed it's tune, Donna sat up.
"Mary?" Obviously she had no mind to side with Mary as I watched her eyes harden. She frowned at me. "What did that girl do?"
I sniffed, mouth opening a few times before I managed to force a croak out.
My phone stopped ringing, but not for long. A few seconds later, it was vibrating dangerously towards the end of the coffee table again.
Donna looked over at it, studying the caller I.D before picking it up off the coffee table. She eyed the caller I.D again before offering the vibrating phone in her hand to me.
"Answer it," I looked from her to the phone before taking it off her carefully.
I had a good idea of how he was going to start, but after that it could go any way. I'd just have to be prepared for any eventuality.
Hesitantly, I pressed the call button and lifted the phone to my ear.
"Sam!?" I took a deep breath, sitting forward in my seat. "Sam, is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me,"
"Sam, what's going on?" I couldn't answer, I just couldn't. I felt so guilty. "Sam, tell me what's wrong!" Even more so as Gerard's almost frightened voice rattled into my ear. With every moment I didn't answer, I knew he'd get worse. "Sam!"
"Sorry, I just..."
"Just...?" I just couldn't quite force it out. The lump in my throat ensured the only noise I could make was a squeak of a croak. "Sam..." I sniffed, swallowing the lump in my throat. I turned, facing Donna slightly, before forcing myself to explain everything.
------------------------------------------
By the time I'd finished, I was enveloped in one of the warmest hugs I've ever had. The other end of the line was silent aside from the distinctive sound of an argument in the background.
I sniffed, coughing to clear my throat.
"Who's shouting?" I asked, suddenly less concerned about my own problems.
"Uhh...everyone by the sounds of it," He paused. "Every one except Mikey, Mikey seems to be arguing with himself at the moment," he trailed off, sighing. "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth, but was cut short. "Honestly,"
"I'm not too bad. Better than I was, anyway," I took a shuddering breath in, leaning towards Donna.
"What are you going to do now?" I thought a moment.
"Stay with your parents, if that's okay with them," I eyed Donna, who nodded frantically. "Then go back for my stuff tomorrow,"
"No, just stay there," I frowned. I knew no-one had much trust in Mary, but it wasn't like she really WAS the murdering type. She had a seemingly uncanny knack of twisting people around her little finger, but that was it - no murderer.
"Stupid question, I suppose, but why?"
"Very stupid - She appears at doorways, is entirely different around you WHEN ALONE and turns friends against you. Personally, I think that's enough," I nodded.
"Just...checking," There was a shout from the other end of the phone, followed by a lot of silence. "What happened?" I asked, sitting away from Donna. "Why's everything gone silent?" I got no answer, but could distinguish the sound of footsteps going up the stairs of the bus.
"Stay quiet," I heard a 'beep' and moved the receiver away from my mouth.
"Now will someone PLEASE tell me what the FUCK you're arguing about!?" Definitely Mikey's voice, even it was strange hearing him shout.
"Whether we're actually going back or not!" Bob.
"Well, has anyone reached a decision?"
"That's what we were just discussing," Frank.
"Well could you make one quickly? My head's starting to hurt!"
"Look, we can't go back! She'll be fine, she can fend for herself," Ray.
"How do you know that? Not that I don't have faith in the girl, but do you think she can really fend for herself against anyone other than our friends? Away from us?" Bob - ever the blunt one.
"What about you, Ray - your input so far's just been random shouting..."
"I-"
"Or Gerard, what do you think we should do?"
"Stay on tour,"
"You're not worried about Sam?"
"Yes I'm worried about Sam, but I trust her to not do anything stupid. She's staying at my parents house,"
"Still, you can't be there to watch over her and make sure she don't,"
"Frank, man, shut up! She'll be fine!" Shouted Mikey. It sounded like someone walked past the phone, picking it up.
"Shouldn't Sam have a say in this?" Asked Ray. There was a silence.
"Sam?" Pause. "You there?"
"I'm here," I replied, moving the receiver towards my mouth and standing up.
"Up the volume, man, up the volume!"
"Anything you wanna-"
"Yeah! You come off tour and I'll make sure you'll be eating out of your ass!" Yet more silence. "I'll be fine. I have strict instructions to not leave the house, and even stricter ones to not go fetch my stuff from Jacquelyn's, so for the love of god give it a rest! You were giving me a headache, let alone Mikey!" There was just the crackle of static over the phone. "SPEAK GOD DAMMIT!" I was so close to a breakdown it was unbelievable I was actually still standing and not just a crumpled mess on the floor.
"Sam..."
"We'll stay on tour," Confirmed Bob.
"Good, where's Mikey?"
"Here," Came a distant call from the background.
"In case the message didn't get passed on, I had no idea where your spare glasses were, but I'll look around here to see if I can find them. Bob, I leave it down to you to make sure everyone gets on stage, if I hear ANYTHING tomorrow morning about you cancelling a show, you're the one six feet under in dog shit. Gerard, get some rest. Frank - take me off speaker phone, I wanna talk," There was a bustle of activity before the phone beeped loudly down my ear.
"Yeah?" Asked Frank hesitantly. I collapsed on the sofa, rubbing my eyes.
"Right, here's what I want you to do - Tell Ray to take Gerard for a walk. I don't care where; just take him for a walk and let him talk all he wants. Got that?"
"Yeah, give me a mo," I heard what I assumed was Frank re-laying my message. "Okay, got that,"
"Right, I'm leaving you in charge of keeping everyone organised tonight. My spare make-up's hidden behind the cleaning stuff in the bottom right cupboard. Now, if they fall apart tonight, Bob may be six feet under in dog shit, but you'll be so far under the amount of shit I'd need would be classed as a new country. I think I'd call it - Frankshitland. How does that sound?"
"Umm...great?"
"Good, now go along and play nice with the guys and don't go too mad on the make-up, goodbye," My finger was already poised over 'end' several minutes before my conversation ended and so gave Frank no time to say anything before pressing said button.
"Are they okay?" I sighed, sinking further into my seat.
"Fine," My voice, strained due to the new lump in my throat, broke - bringing with it the opening of the floodgates.
I just fell to pieces. Couldn't hold anything back, the tears just fell from my eyes and my throat let out long wails. After I'd finished dwelling on what had happened recently, I started to wonder when I became this way. When I was nearly always a wreck - either physical, emotional or both.
And that just made me worse.
By the time I had calmed down enough to be moved anywhere, I was in the middle of Donna and Donald, both with a tight hold on me. I'd been told it all:
'I've heard they're not easy to work with,'
'I've heard they're not easy to date either - I'd hate to think what it's like to do both,'
'They don't mean it,'
'Things'll get better'
'They'll be fine, you'll be fine, it'll be okay'
'It'll be all right in the end'
I was sick of it. If I remember correctly, I forced myself to calm down so as I could be moved and be away from it all.
To my relief, the moment my wails were mere hiccups, I was stood from the sofa and lead down towards Gerard's bedroom.
I was having difficulty seeing the keypad through my tears, but it was fairly simple to ring Bob as he was at the top of the contact list.
After getting it to dial his number, I raised the phone to my ear.
"How'd it go?"
"Horribly," I didn't need to tell him I was crying as a lump formed in my throat.
"What happened?"
"She fucking framed me again! Jacquelyn came back and she just screamed and dropped to the floor!" I was sure Bob was holding the phone away from his ear as I screamed down the phone myself. "And so Jacquelyn kicked me out!"
"Where are you going to stay?"
"I'm going to Gerard's parents, I'm staying there. I'm going back tomorrow to pick up my stuff," I slowed my pace to a jog. "Bob?"
"Hum?"
"Tell Gerard what's happened,"
"You sure? You know he'll go mental at us for not telling him, at you for not letting us tell and then demand we come back,"
"I know, I know. Just tell him. And, in the unlikely event that he does insist on coming back - hit him for me. Tie him up if you have to - just don't let him come back,"
"Okay. You going to be okay?" I smiled and laughed slightly.
"I'm Not Okay, and I'm not going to be,"
"Well...when you get there, explain everything to Donna - she may not believe you, but she'll support you anyway,"
"'Kay," I stopped my running to gather my breath.
"Call me when you get there,"
"Kay,"
"See ya,"
"Bye," I pressed 'end' on the keypad before placing the phone into my front pocket. Feeling around, I found money in a back pocket, and quickly hailed a cab.
------------------------------------------
I was still on my way to a heart attack educed by too much running when I finally made my way up to the door of Gerard's parents house.
For a moment, I was sure my feeble attempt at knocking had gone un-noticed and was about to knock again when the door swung open. The sound of chatting and laughter filled my ears before there was a surprised gasp.
"Sam - are you okay?" I shook my head lightly, still breathing deeply. I didn't look up to meet Donna's eyes as she ushered me in and seated me on a sofa.
Picking a spot on the floor, I decidedly tried to bore a hole through it with only my eyesight as she bustled off. There were hushed voices, and I caught my name before I heard chairs scraping on the floor and solemn goodbyes. Still, my spot on the floor was more interesting.
I was unsurprised to jump in my seat as my mobile started vibrating in my pocket, the dull tune of Daft Punk's 'Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger' floating to my ears from the pocket. I almost smiled, remembering what had prompted that tune being assigned to Gerard's mobile. Almost.
Hastily, I pulled it out of my pocket, double checking the caller I.D:
'Gmob'
I stared at the phone, vibrating in my hand, whilst listening to the front door open and close as whoever had been in the house before me left.
I breathed a sigh of relief, somewhat, but my respite didn't last long. Muffled footsteps were making their way towards me when the phone started ringing again. My eyes started to prick with tears and I hastily put the phone on the coffee table so I could use both hands to cover my mouth.
"Sam...?" My head shot up to look at Donna. I realised I had started slowly rocking in my seat and stopped myself, sitting back in the sofa. "What's wrong?" She sat next to me on the edge of the sofa, placing a hand gently on my knee.
"I..." I sniffed loudly. Daft Punk stopped playing in my ears.
"Come on, what is it?"
"Mary..." As Daft Punk resumed it's tune, Donna sat up.
"Mary?" Obviously she had no mind to side with Mary as I watched her eyes harden. She frowned at me. "What did that girl do?"
I sniffed, mouth opening a few times before I managed to force a croak out.
My phone stopped ringing, but not for long. A few seconds later, it was vibrating dangerously towards the end of the coffee table again.
Donna looked over at it, studying the caller I.D before picking it up off the coffee table. She eyed the caller I.D again before offering the vibrating phone in her hand to me.
"Answer it," I looked from her to the phone before taking it off her carefully.
I had a good idea of how he was going to start, but after that it could go any way. I'd just have to be prepared for any eventuality.
Hesitantly, I pressed the call button and lifted the phone to my ear.
"Sam!?" I took a deep breath, sitting forward in my seat. "Sam, is that you?"
"Yeah, it's me,"
"Sam, what's going on?" I couldn't answer, I just couldn't. I felt so guilty. "Sam, tell me what's wrong!" Even more so as Gerard's almost frightened voice rattled into my ear. With every moment I didn't answer, I knew he'd get worse. "Sam!"
"Sorry, I just..."
"Just...?" I just couldn't quite force it out. The lump in my throat ensured the only noise I could make was a squeak of a croak. "Sam..." I sniffed, swallowing the lump in my throat. I turned, facing Donna slightly, before forcing myself to explain everything.
------------------------------------------
By the time I'd finished, I was enveloped in one of the warmest hugs I've ever had. The other end of the line was silent aside from the distinctive sound of an argument in the background.
I sniffed, coughing to clear my throat.
"Who's shouting?" I asked, suddenly less concerned about my own problems.
"Uhh...everyone by the sounds of it," He paused. "Every one except Mikey, Mikey seems to be arguing with himself at the moment," he trailed off, sighing. "Are you okay?" I opened my mouth, but was cut short. "Honestly,"
"I'm not too bad. Better than I was, anyway," I took a shuddering breath in, leaning towards Donna.
"What are you going to do now?" I thought a moment.
"Stay with your parents, if that's okay with them," I eyed Donna, who nodded frantically. "Then go back for my stuff tomorrow,"
"No, just stay there," I frowned. I knew no-one had much trust in Mary, but it wasn't like she really WAS the murdering type. She had a seemingly uncanny knack of twisting people around her little finger, but that was it - no murderer.
"Stupid question, I suppose, but why?"
"Very stupid - She appears at doorways, is entirely different around you WHEN ALONE and turns friends against you. Personally, I think that's enough," I nodded.
"Just...checking," There was a shout from the other end of the phone, followed by a lot of silence. "What happened?" I asked, sitting away from Donna. "Why's everything gone silent?" I got no answer, but could distinguish the sound of footsteps going up the stairs of the bus.
"Stay quiet," I heard a 'beep' and moved the receiver away from my mouth.
"Now will someone PLEASE tell me what the FUCK you're arguing about!?" Definitely Mikey's voice, even it was strange hearing him shout.
"Whether we're actually going back or not!" Bob.
"Well, has anyone reached a decision?"
"That's what we were just discussing," Frank.
"Well could you make one quickly? My head's starting to hurt!"
"Look, we can't go back! She'll be fine, she can fend for herself," Ray.
"How do you know that? Not that I don't have faith in the girl, but do you think she can really fend for herself against anyone other than our friends? Away from us?" Bob - ever the blunt one.
"What about you, Ray - your input so far's just been random shouting..."
"I-"
"Or Gerard, what do you think we should do?"
"Stay on tour,"
"You're not worried about Sam?"
"Yes I'm worried about Sam, but I trust her to not do anything stupid. She's staying at my parents house,"
"Still, you can't be there to watch over her and make sure she don't,"
"Frank, man, shut up! She'll be fine!" Shouted Mikey. It sounded like someone walked past the phone, picking it up.
"Shouldn't Sam have a say in this?" Asked Ray. There was a silence.
"Sam?" Pause. "You there?"
"I'm here," I replied, moving the receiver towards my mouth and standing up.
"Up the volume, man, up the volume!"
"Anything you wanna-"
"Yeah! You come off tour and I'll make sure you'll be eating out of your ass!" Yet more silence. "I'll be fine. I have strict instructions to not leave the house, and even stricter ones to not go fetch my stuff from Jacquelyn's, so for the love of god give it a rest! You were giving me a headache, let alone Mikey!" There was just the crackle of static over the phone. "SPEAK GOD DAMMIT!" I was so close to a breakdown it was unbelievable I was actually still standing and not just a crumpled mess on the floor.
"Sam..."
"We'll stay on tour," Confirmed Bob.
"Good, where's Mikey?"
"Here," Came a distant call from the background.
"In case the message didn't get passed on, I had no idea where your spare glasses were, but I'll look around here to see if I can find them. Bob, I leave it down to you to make sure everyone gets on stage, if I hear ANYTHING tomorrow morning about you cancelling a show, you're the one six feet under in dog shit. Gerard, get some rest. Frank - take me off speaker phone, I wanna talk," There was a bustle of activity before the phone beeped loudly down my ear.
"Yeah?" Asked Frank hesitantly. I collapsed on the sofa, rubbing my eyes.
"Right, here's what I want you to do - Tell Ray to take Gerard for a walk. I don't care where; just take him for a walk and let him talk all he wants. Got that?"
"Yeah, give me a mo," I heard what I assumed was Frank re-laying my message. "Okay, got that,"
"Right, I'm leaving you in charge of keeping everyone organised tonight. My spare make-up's hidden behind the cleaning stuff in the bottom right cupboard. Now, if they fall apart tonight, Bob may be six feet under in dog shit, but you'll be so far under the amount of shit I'd need would be classed as a new country. I think I'd call it - Frankshitland. How does that sound?"
"Umm...great?"
"Good, now go along and play nice with the guys and don't go too mad on the make-up, goodbye," My finger was already poised over 'end' several minutes before my conversation ended and so gave Frank no time to say anything before pressing said button.
"Are they okay?" I sighed, sinking further into my seat.
"Fine," My voice, strained due to the new lump in my throat, broke - bringing with it the opening of the floodgates.
I just fell to pieces. Couldn't hold anything back, the tears just fell from my eyes and my throat let out long wails. After I'd finished dwelling on what had happened recently, I started to wonder when I became this way. When I was nearly always a wreck - either physical, emotional or both.
And that just made me worse.
By the time I had calmed down enough to be moved anywhere, I was in the middle of Donna and Donald, both with a tight hold on me. I'd been told it all:
'I've heard they're not easy to work with,'
'I've heard they're not easy to date either - I'd hate to think what it's like to do both,'
'They don't mean it,'
'Things'll get better'
'They'll be fine, you'll be fine, it'll be okay'
'It'll be all right in the end'
I was sick of it. If I remember correctly, I forced myself to calm down so as I could be moved and be away from it all.
To my relief, the moment my wails were mere hiccups, I was stood from the sofa and lead down towards Gerard's bedroom.
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