Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > The Downward Spiral
The first week followed that same routine. Jacquelyn and Mary went out everyday, which I knew they did anyway, and I still didn't eat much.
Before I knew it, Saturday had rolled around I was looking worse than ever.
"What are you looking for?" I jumped in surprise and turned to see Mary in the doorway. My mouth opened in shock at the sound of the mousy voice.
"Umm...I..." I took a deep breath, sweeping some of my hair behind my ear before turning back to Jacquelyn's make-up stash. "Umm...I'm looking for make-up...why?" I looked up and into the mirror hanging on the wall, looking at Mary's reflection.
She didn't answer, just turned and left the room.
I rolled my eyes before rooting through everything again, finally finding what I wanted and running back to my room with it.
By the time Donna arrived, I was done. Thanks to foundation, I looked healthier and a lot less pale. My cheeks had colour and I looked happy - even without smiling. But that could have been the eye make-up.
"Hey!" I greeted breathlessly, ushering her in several minutes after she'd first knocked (the door was never answered in any great haste in Jacquelyn's apartment). There was a creepy man next-door, aging and going bald, who liked to stare at me an awful lot, other wise I wouldn't have practically pulled her in.
He was a bit like Mary, but he never looked at my face.
"You look wonderful dear, you must have been eating well," She sounded relieved as she removed her coat and hung it on the row of pegs.
"Well, wouldn't want to worry anyone, would I?" I smiled as sweetly as I could, following her into the living room.
---------------------------------------
That night, after finally ridding myself of Donna, I get a text:
'Mom says ur looking helthy'
I smiled, replying with:
'I am. Feel it 2,'
It wouldn't hurt him to think I was okay when I wasn't. A few moments later, my phone beeped again.
'good. Mikey wants 2 kno if uve seen his spare glasses, and frank says 2 remember wat he told u. wat the fuk did he say!?'
I stared at the text for a few moments before replying.
'said about caling if I neded 2 tlk, dats all,'
As soon as the message appeared on screen telling me the text had been sent, I searched through my contacts, finding Frank quickly and pressing the call button. Standing from my bed, I stood near the window, watching the odd car go by.
It rang for a while, and to my dismay the phone beeped loudly in my ear I received another text, before voicemail cut in.
Pressing 'end' I checked the text message.
'cool. Havin fun?'
I rolled my eyes, imagining Gerard sprawled over the sofa in the tour bus, mobile phone in hand, waiting desperately for my next message.
'lots. Wer is frank?'
'having a cig outside. Y?'
'tel him 2 look @ his fukin phone!'
A few moments later, my phone started to blare out the birdie song (Frank chose it, not me).
"What's up?" Asked Frank. From the sounds of it, stood close to the road.
"She's really starting to freak me out!"
"Who?"
"Mary!" I hissed.
"Starting? She already freaked me out,"
"Oh har, har. She keeps on staring at me. And when she's not around Jacquelyn, she gives me this evil smile,"
"Think she's capable of murder?"
"No, why?" I snapped.
"Just thinking. It's like one of those really bad movies, ain't it?"
"Yeah, except it's real!"
"Psh! You really think she'd do something to hurt you? Maybe not murder, but, y'know, something painful," I sighed.
"I don't know. You've seen the way she looks at Gerard, right? Maybe it's like-" I looked away from the spot on the wall and gasped in shock. There, in the doorway again, was Mary. Staring at me, eyes boring into the back of my skull. My lights were off and the only light now in the room was cascading from the hallway behind her, shrowding her in shadow.
I could just make out two darker beads that were her eyes.
She smiled slowly, the side of her mouth curling upwards. It seemed almost painful for her.
"SAM!?" Frank's rattle of a voice pierced my thoughts finally.
"Yeah, yeah I'm here,"
"Jesus, don't do that, I thought she really had gotten you," I watched as Mary backed out of the doorway slowly and turned for Jacquelyn's room. I scuttled across the room, looking down the hallway for any sign of Mary. She wasn't there and I assumed she was either in the bathroom or with Jacquelyn in her room. I closed the door before hearing Frank's voice again. "Sam, say something,"
"Sorry, it's just...she did it earlier today,"
"Who did what?"
"Mary...just appeared in the doorway,"
"Okay, she's definitely planning to kill you,"
"Frank!"
"Sorry, I mean - she just really loves you, she won't harm you," he said over-enthusiastically.
"That's even worse," I grumbled.
"What?"
"Nothing," I shouted as a bang from Jacquelyn's room startled me.
"What now?"
"Nothing. Frank...I gotta go. Tell everyone I miss them and tell Mikey I have no idea where his spare glasses are. And, uh, do me favour?"
"What?"
"Don't tell Gerard about this. Tell Bob, tell Ray, tell Mikey if you wish - but not Gerard, got it?"
"Got it. See ya,"
"Bye," I pressed 'end' on my phone and dropped it on my bed before heading over to my door. Gingerly, I reached for the handle, but didn't get a chance to open it as it opened in my face.
I stumbled back, rubbing my head. I stared into the light from the hall before a hand reached in and flicked the lights on.
There, in the doorway, was Jacquelyn, looking thoroughly pissed off.
"You!" She pointed at me. I frowned. What had I done? "What did you do to my room?" I blinked, oblivious to what she was on about. And I never listened to find out, too pre-occupied watching Mary behind her, smiling smugly at me. She'd gone that way...towards Jacquelyn's room.
Everything was starting to get too coincidental for my liking. I really did feel like I was in a bad film or something.
A really bad, yet really freaky one.
Apparently finished, Jacquelyn turned and stormed out of the room leaving me with a clear view of Mary, still smiling.
She took a few steps forward and leaned into the room, taking a hold of the door handle.
"Night. Sweet dreams," She whispered before turning the light off and closing the door, leaving me in the dark.
Literally.
-------------------------------------------
I didn't leave my room the next day, but had Mary bring me my meals. I was hesitant about eating anything, but had to try. Each time I retched, but nothing came back up, so I struggled on.
Frank phoned a few days later, asking me how I was.
I told him about that night, and confessed that I wasn't eating enough and why.
He told me he was going to tell Bob, for 'counselling', but promised to keep at away from Gerard's ears.
-------------------------------------------
I still wasn't leaving my room, and I was still having troubles eating when Bob decided to phone.
"You okay?" He didn't even say 'hi'.
"Hi, how are you?" I replied disdainfully before sighing. "I'm not good,"
"Why, what's wrong?" I looked around my room. Finding nothing useful to prop against the door, I sat on my bed, facing it.
"It's Mary,"
"The drunk one?" I nodded before remembering I had to reply.
"Yeah, her,"
"What's been going off?"
"Well, she kept appearing in doorways. And anytime she's around me without Jacquelyn she smiles all evilly. And she tried...well, succeeded in framing me for messing up Jacquelyn's make-up. Each time she brings me my meals she-"
"Brings you your meals!?"
"Yeah, I've not left my bedroom for a few days now," There was the sound of what I assumed was Bob shaking his head and biting him tongue so as to not say anything I may have taken offensively. "Anyway, each time she does, she doesn't say 'hi' or anything, but she sure as hell says goodbye. And I heard her talking to Jacquelyn this morning! She said she'd stick around to 'help me through this difficult time'. So, now, she's living here for the next week or so!" There was silence for a moment.
"And what about you not eating?"
"I just...I can't eat without retching. I'm worried if I eat too much, I'll actually throw up and have nothing to digest," He sighed. I rubbed my eyes, not sure whether I was about to cry or whether they were just watering from staring at the same spot for so long.
"I..." I waited for him to carry on, hearing footsteps pass the door. "I can only suggest taking it up with Mary, that's it. Where is she now?" I gulped.
"In the apartment. Remember what I said about hearing them this morning?"
"Yeah,"
"Well apparently that includes keeping an eye on me while Jacquelyn goes out to fetch groceries,"
"Well, take it up with her while Jacquelyn isn't there - Jacquelyn probably won't believe you on anything,"
"Okay,"
"You gonna be okay?" I thought.
"Yeah, I'll be fine,"
"Good. See you when we get back,"
"Kay, see ya,"
-------------------------------------------
I did, indeed, take it up with Mary. Wish I hadn't.
-------------------------------------------
She was sat watching TV when I left my room in search of her. As soon as my foot stepped anywhere near the sofa, her head snapped in my direction. I had been nervous about confronting her, but as soon as that smug smile appeared on her face, I was ready for anything.
"What's wrong, you love me that much you have to stare at me all the time?" She carried on smiling. "What's with you? Please tell me you're not some psychopath!" I placed a hand on my hip, aware I probably wasn't going to get a reply. She stood and attempted to pass me, but I moved in her way. "You are not leaving," I told her, placing my hands on her shoulder and steering her backwards. She stumbled and I tightened my grip so she didn't fall. "So what's your problem with me?"
"I don't have one," I looked her up and down, still at arms length.
"You stare at me all the time, smile maliciously at me and frame me for something you did! On purpose!" She just carried on smiling. "TELL ME!" I heard Jacquelyn's key in the deadlock and I hastily let go of Mary. As soon as my hands left her, she screamed and threw herself to the floor.
My mouth fell open as the door opened.
"SAM!" I gave Mary a scathing look before turning to face Jacquelyn, scowl etched onto my face.
"Jacquelyn, do you really think I'd-"
"I don't wanna hear it! I want you gone! Now! You can come back for your stuff tomorrow!" She screamed at me, dashing past me and tending to Mary, who was still lying on the floor, breathing heavily and staring, frightened, up at me. I didn't move from my spot. "NOW SAM!" I jumped as Jacquelyn's head suddenly turned in my direction, screeching.
I couldn't believe it: her friend for five years and she lets her get in the way of it!?
That thought was the only thing that pushed me to leave. I dashed into my bedroom, hearing Jacquelyn call as I fetched my phone:
"I SAID YOU COULD FETCH YOUR THINGS TOMMOROW!"
I ran from the apartment and down the stairs, tears falling silently. I was watched on my way down the stairs, and I knew the ageing man next door had probably heard everything that had gone on.
Before I knew it, Saturday had rolled around I was looking worse than ever.
"What are you looking for?" I jumped in surprise and turned to see Mary in the doorway. My mouth opened in shock at the sound of the mousy voice.
"Umm...I..." I took a deep breath, sweeping some of my hair behind my ear before turning back to Jacquelyn's make-up stash. "Umm...I'm looking for make-up...why?" I looked up and into the mirror hanging on the wall, looking at Mary's reflection.
She didn't answer, just turned and left the room.
I rolled my eyes before rooting through everything again, finally finding what I wanted and running back to my room with it.
By the time Donna arrived, I was done. Thanks to foundation, I looked healthier and a lot less pale. My cheeks had colour and I looked happy - even without smiling. But that could have been the eye make-up.
"Hey!" I greeted breathlessly, ushering her in several minutes after she'd first knocked (the door was never answered in any great haste in Jacquelyn's apartment). There was a creepy man next-door, aging and going bald, who liked to stare at me an awful lot, other wise I wouldn't have practically pulled her in.
He was a bit like Mary, but he never looked at my face.
"You look wonderful dear, you must have been eating well," She sounded relieved as she removed her coat and hung it on the row of pegs.
"Well, wouldn't want to worry anyone, would I?" I smiled as sweetly as I could, following her into the living room.
---------------------------------------
That night, after finally ridding myself of Donna, I get a text:
'Mom says ur looking helthy'
I smiled, replying with:
'I am. Feel it 2,'
It wouldn't hurt him to think I was okay when I wasn't. A few moments later, my phone beeped again.
'good. Mikey wants 2 kno if uve seen his spare glasses, and frank says 2 remember wat he told u. wat the fuk did he say!?'
I stared at the text for a few moments before replying.
'said about caling if I neded 2 tlk, dats all,'
As soon as the message appeared on screen telling me the text had been sent, I searched through my contacts, finding Frank quickly and pressing the call button. Standing from my bed, I stood near the window, watching the odd car go by.
It rang for a while, and to my dismay the phone beeped loudly in my ear I received another text, before voicemail cut in.
Pressing 'end' I checked the text message.
'cool. Havin fun?'
I rolled my eyes, imagining Gerard sprawled over the sofa in the tour bus, mobile phone in hand, waiting desperately for my next message.
'lots. Wer is frank?'
'having a cig outside. Y?'
'tel him 2 look @ his fukin phone!'
A few moments later, my phone started to blare out the birdie song (Frank chose it, not me).
"What's up?" Asked Frank. From the sounds of it, stood close to the road.
"She's really starting to freak me out!"
"Who?"
"Mary!" I hissed.
"Starting? She already freaked me out,"
"Oh har, har. She keeps on staring at me. And when she's not around Jacquelyn, she gives me this evil smile,"
"Think she's capable of murder?"
"No, why?" I snapped.
"Just thinking. It's like one of those really bad movies, ain't it?"
"Yeah, except it's real!"
"Psh! You really think she'd do something to hurt you? Maybe not murder, but, y'know, something painful," I sighed.
"I don't know. You've seen the way she looks at Gerard, right? Maybe it's like-" I looked away from the spot on the wall and gasped in shock. There, in the doorway again, was Mary. Staring at me, eyes boring into the back of my skull. My lights were off and the only light now in the room was cascading from the hallway behind her, shrowding her in shadow.
I could just make out two darker beads that were her eyes.
She smiled slowly, the side of her mouth curling upwards. It seemed almost painful for her.
"SAM!?" Frank's rattle of a voice pierced my thoughts finally.
"Yeah, yeah I'm here,"
"Jesus, don't do that, I thought she really had gotten you," I watched as Mary backed out of the doorway slowly and turned for Jacquelyn's room. I scuttled across the room, looking down the hallway for any sign of Mary. She wasn't there and I assumed she was either in the bathroom or with Jacquelyn in her room. I closed the door before hearing Frank's voice again. "Sam, say something,"
"Sorry, it's just...she did it earlier today,"
"Who did what?"
"Mary...just appeared in the doorway,"
"Okay, she's definitely planning to kill you,"
"Frank!"
"Sorry, I mean - she just really loves you, she won't harm you," he said over-enthusiastically.
"That's even worse," I grumbled.
"What?"
"Nothing," I shouted as a bang from Jacquelyn's room startled me.
"What now?"
"Nothing. Frank...I gotta go. Tell everyone I miss them and tell Mikey I have no idea where his spare glasses are. And, uh, do me favour?"
"What?"
"Don't tell Gerard about this. Tell Bob, tell Ray, tell Mikey if you wish - but not Gerard, got it?"
"Got it. See ya,"
"Bye," I pressed 'end' on my phone and dropped it on my bed before heading over to my door. Gingerly, I reached for the handle, but didn't get a chance to open it as it opened in my face.
I stumbled back, rubbing my head. I stared into the light from the hall before a hand reached in and flicked the lights on.
There, in the doorway, was Jacquelyn, looking thoroughly pissed off.
"You!" She pointed at me. I frowned. What had I done? "What did you do to my room?" I blinked, oblivious to what she was on about. And I never listened to find out, too pre-occupied watching Mary behind her, smiling smugly at me. She'd gone that way...towards Jacquelyn's room.
Everything was starting to get too coincidental for my liking. I really did feel like I was in a bad film or something.
A really bad, yet really freaky one.
Apparently finished, Jacquelyn turned and stormed out of the room leaving me with a clear view of Mary, still smiling.
She took a few steps forward and leaned into the room, taking a hold of the door handle.
"Night. Sweet dreams," She whispered before turning the light off and closing the door, leaving me in the dark.
Literally.
-------------------------------------------
I didn't leave my room the next day, but had Mary bring me my meals. I was hesitant about eating anything, but had to try. Each time I retched, but nothing came back up, so I struggled on.
Frank phoned a few days later, asking me how I was.
I told him about that night, and confessed that I wasn't eating enough and why.
He told me he was going to tell Bob, for 'counselling', but promised to keep at away from Gerard's ears.
-------------------------------------------
I still wasn't leaving my room, and I was still having troubles eating when Bob decided to phone.
"You okay?" He didn't even say 'hi'.
"Hi, how are you?" I replied disdainfully before sighing. "I'm not good,"
"Why, what's wrong?" I looked around my room. Finding nothing useful to prop against the door, I sat on my bed, facing it.
"It's Mary,"
"The drunk one?" I nodded before remembering I had to reply.
"Yeah, her,"
"What's been going off?"
"Well, she kept appearing in doorways. And anytime she's around me without Jacquelyn she smiles all evilly. And she tried...well, succeeded in framing me for messing up Jacquelyn's make-up. Each time she brings me my meals she-"
"Brings you your meals!?"
"Yeah, I've not left my bedroom for a few days now," There was the sound of what I assumed was Bob shaking his head and biting him tongue so as to not say anything I may have taken offensively. "Anyway, each time she does, she doesn't say 'hi' or anything, but she sure as hell says goodbye. And I heard her talking to Jacquelyn this morning! She said she'd stick around to 'help me through this difficult time'. So, now, she's living here for the next week or so!" There was silence for a moment.
"And what about you not eating?"
"I just...I can't eat without retching. I'm worried if I eat too much, I'll actually throw up and have nothing to digest," He sighed. I rubbed my eyes, not sure whether I was about to cry or whether they were just watering from staring at the same spot for so long.
"I..." I waited for him to carry on, hearing footsteps pass the door. "I can only suggest taking it up with Mary, that's it. Where is she now?" I gulped.
"In the apartment. Remember what I said about hearing them this morning?"
"Yeah,"
"Well apparently that includes keeping an eye on me while Jacquelyn goes out to fetch groceries,"
"Well, take it up with her while Jacquelyn isn't there - Jacquelyn probably won't believe you on anything,"
"Okay,"
"You gonna be okay?" I thought.
"Yeah, I'll be fine,"
"Good. See you when we get back,"
"Kay, see ya,"
-------------------------------------------
I did, indeed, take it up with Mary. Wish I hadn't.
-------------------------------------------
She was sat watching TV when I left my room in search of her. As soon as my foot stepped anywhere near the sofa, her head snapped in my direction. I had been nervous about confronting her, but as soon as that smug smile appeared on her face, I was ready for anything.
"What's wrong, you love me that much you have to stare at me all the time?" She carried on smiling. "What's with you? Please tell me you're not some psychopath!" I placed a hand on my hip, aware I probably wasn't going to get a reply. She stood and attempted to pass me, but I moved in her way. "You are not leaving," I told her, placing my hands on her shoulder and steering her backwards. She stumbled and I tightened my grip so she didn't fall. "So what's your problem with me?"
"I don't have one," I looked her up and down, still at arms length.
"You stare at me all the time, smile maliciously at me and frame me for something you did! On purpose!" She just carried on smiling. "TELL ME!" I heard Jacquelyn's key in the deadlock and I hastily let go of Mary. As soon as my hands left her, she screamed and threw herself to the floor.
My mouth fell open as the door opened.
"SAM!" I gave Mary a scathing look before turning to face Jacquelyn, scowl etched onto my face.
"Jacquelyn, do you really think I'd-"
"I don't wanna hear it! I want you gone! Now! You can come back for your stuff tomorrow!" She screamed at me, dashing past me and tending to Mary, who was still lying on the floor, breathing heavily and staring, frightened, up at me. I didn't move from my spot. "NOW SAM!" I jumped as Jacquelyn's head suddenly turned in my direction, screeching.
I couldn't believe it: her friend for five years and she lets her get in the way of it!?
That thought was the only thing that pushed me to leave. I dashed into my bedroom, hearing Jacquelyn call as I fetched my phone:
"I SAID YOU COULD FETCH YOUR THINGS TOMMOROW!"
I ran from the apartment and down the stairs, tears falling silently. I was watched on my way down the stairs, and I knew the ageing man next door had probably heard everything that had gone on.
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