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Unrequited Desires

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"Don't be ridiculous Strife! Do you really think I would do something like that to you" Asked the young red head as he was held at knife point against the wall. Damn. Really when had Cloud gotten so strong? Here he was, feet dangling from the floor, and Cloud looked like he had put no effort into the act at all. Really having all this pent up rage wasn't healthy. Knowing Cloud though he really just needed to get laid, or at least Reno would if he were in the situation.

"Yes, you sneaky fucking bastard, I think you would do something exactly like that to me" Oh well that was just not fare. After all he had done for the kid...how dare he accuse him of such things. Come to think of it, what were they fighting about again? Reno looked at the blond and saw the faint traces of black eye liner smeared around his eyes that made him look like he had been crying, and also the faint shimmer that was all over his face and hair. Oh yeah that! Reno bit the inside of his cheek to hold back a chuckle at his friend's expense. Really he had to hand it to himself, that had been one of his best.

"Strife don't be such a fucking pussy. It wasn't that big of a deal." Okay. Okay. So it was, but he really couldn't come out and say that at said time now could he? Plus it was really fun making the kid mad, even if he did now have a butter knife shoved rather uncomfortably into his windpipe. They were in the breakfast hall after all, and well it was really Cloud's only choice of weapon on such short notice.

Cloud's eyes blazed a dangerous blue, and Reno knew that a long line of curse words were about to ensue, he also knew that he would probably be rather sore the next day from the beating he was no doubt about to receive. "You call getting me shit faced, dressing me up as girl, and then pimping me out to a high ranking SOLDIER not a big deal"

At seeing the look on his blond friend's face, Reno couldn't hold back his laughter anymore. He broke down completely, shaking so hard with laughter that Cloud dropped him and he fell to the floor. Really of all his little pranks that had to have been the best thing he had ever come up with.

He had taken Cloud down to the slums for their weekly ritual of getting completely sloshed, and 4 beers and 7 shots of UV blue later, Reno got a wicked idea. He dragged a very inebriated Cloud to a boutique where he then preceded to have this girl named Tanya, or some shit like that, help him with the rest.

Well in his little devious plan he first had to have the perfect outfit. Reno was rather proud with himself when he came back with a satin black dress that was spaghetti strapped and traveled all the way to the floor. It also did well to accentuate Cloud's nice rack, which was happily provided by a nice 36D size aqua bra. He did look rather nice, because although he would never say it to his friend, the kid had a very girlish figure.

Cloud was slim in all the right ways, and had of yet not developed any hair on his body except that mass of spikes on his head, so there was no need to shave his girly chicken legs. It also helped that he wasn't very tall, making the illusion of him really being a girl all the more real. Though shortness wasn't necessarily always a good thing, the red head grabbed a pair of strappy stiletos to fix that problem.

Next was the hair problem. If Reno was going to pass him off as a convincing version of the opposite sex the spikes definitely needed to go. His friend Tanya was also nice enough to provide him with a wig, which to his delight was a deep honey blonde and it was long enough to go down to his waist...perfect.

Now up until this point Cloud had been pretty docile about the whole idea, Reno had a sneaky feeling that it might have had something to do with the joint they had both shared while still at the bar, but when the inexperienced red head came at him with an eye liner pencil and ended up jabbing him in the eye, Cloud got a little defensive.

"Hey shit face I do wanna see when you're done with me! Where did you learn to put make-up on you little pansy." Reno wanted to say a lot of things. Things that included that this was the first time he had ever attempted to put make-up on, and that not doing so definitely would not make him a pansy, but he didn't. It would just fall on death ears anyways, Cloud was way to gone by this point to care. Reno stared guiltily at the floor for a moment. Okay so maybe Cloud's docile state might have had something to do with the fact that he had slipped a rufie into his drink, but really in his defense he was just trying to get the blond to lighten up and have some actual fun for a change. Jeez shoot a guy for caring.

"I could help you with that if you want." Reno spun around at the sound of the voice. That voice did not sound like that Tanya chick who had been helping him, Tanya's had more of a slutty smokers quality to it. This voice was a high sweet sound, and he spun around to meet the vocal cords the voice belonged to.

The girl was short, shorter than Cloud even, and she had long brow hair that traveled down her back in a braid. She was decked out in a button up pink dress and appeared to be carrying a basket of flowers, which if you think about it was by all accounts odd because flowers shouldn't be anywhere near the underside of the plate. The most striking feature of hers had to be her sharp jade eyes that seemed to almost shine in the small store. Overall very pretty girl, you know if you were into that sorta thing.

"Yeah Re-No...let the nice lady finish making me all pretty...then we can make the money just like you pro-mised..." Cloud slurred out and then sank back not so graciously into a nearby chair. After shooting a deep glare at his blond companion, Reno flushed a dark scarlet from embarrassment. Really it's not everyday that someone finds you in a store with you obviously drunk male friend, and then that said friend blurts out that you're about to solicit them out as a hooker.

If the girl was upset by this evaluation she didn't show it. No, she merely just walked over, and after setting down her basket of strangely glowing flowers, took the eye liner away from Reno and went to work without a word. Reno watched on in amazement as his best friend was fully transformed into someone he didn't even reckonize. The funny thing was that Cloud looked amazing, really really amazing.

Reno started to get an familiar warming feeling in the pit of his stomach, and really after staring at Cloud he didn't like where his thoughts were headed to one bit. Forcing thoughts he didn't even want to think about thinking to the darkest recesses of his mind, Reno once again got his composure.

"Umm...thanks miss...I owe you one, and well so does...so does..." Reno paused for a moment. It was probably a good bet that Cloud was going to be completely pissed about this the next morning. It was also probably true that he would remember none of it, and if nobody knew it was Cloud than he never need explain this night. "Candy...this is Candy Angel." Wow that really sounded like a stripper's name.

The girl stared at Reno skeptically, then she turned her jade eyes on 'Candy' "Well it was very nice to meet you Candy." The girl paused for a moment. "I hope we can meet again when you're more level headed." She stopped to look at Reno, giving him a disapproving look, before grabbing her basket and heading out of the shop without another word. Damn. Some people were just weird. Reno chuckled a little at his thought. It was after all a little hypocritical to think that someone else was weird when you had just given your friend a rufie and then dressed him up in women's clothing. Oh well, the night was still young.

Reno grabbed Cloud's arm and hauled him to his feet. "Come on Candy there's a hot new night club up on the plate...I say we go there and have some real fun." The place was called Nosveratu and really was the coolest place to be nowadays. It had been open for a month now already, but had Reno ever been there...no. Cloud was always too shy to step one foot in the place, that's why they had always settled for the slum dives. That and the fact that the dives under the plate never bothered to check ID. Reno didn't even want to think about how Cloud would react if asked to go there in his right mind, but then again he wasn't in his right mind now was he? This should be fun.

An hour later they stumbled into the club. Stumbled because Cloud was struggling walking in his heels, well really he was struggling walking at all, which really wasn't to Reno's liking. The less and less the blond could walk, the more and more Reno had to help him walk. The close proximity of the two was definitely not good for his nerves, and really it didn't help the fact that Cloud kept snuggling up against his side. Really what the hell was wrong with him? He definitely couldn't be thinking such thoughts for his best friend, and that was all there was to it. That was it! He was never drinking again. Reno mentally scoffed. As soon as the thought passed his mind he knew he could never live up to it, but hey it was worth a shot wasn't it?

"Remember your name is Candy Angel." Reno stressed. The last thing he needed was for the blond to slip up and end up screwing up his chances in SOLDIER at his account. "Oh and try to talk in a higher pitch...it'll be more convincing that way." Reno gave the last of his pointers as they entered the night club. Now was the point when his spontaneous nature would either turn out to be hilarious, or blow up in his face. He knew his luck, and he prayed that it wouldn't be the latter.

The pair remarkably made it past the dancing crowds and over to a small table in the corner of the nightclub, which really was rather impressive. There were different colored strobe lights going off everywhere, casting everyone in a greenish-orangish-pinkish glow. The smell of smoke was thick in the air, as was the smell of bodies in the small area. There had to be at least 300 people crammed into the small area, really when they said this club was hot they weren't bullshitting.

Music reverberated off the walls and off of Reno's eardrums. It wasn't bad though. Sorta a mixture between punk and techno that, if it wasn't so loud, would be nice on the ears. As it was though it was almost deafening. Reno actually felt sorry for the people who had to be near the worst of it on the dance floor. Speaking of the dance floor it was definitely interesting to say the least. The floors were made off glass and had blue flashing lights underneath them, giving off the illusions that you were dancing on the flashing lights alone. The coolest part about the floor however wasn't the lights. It was the sprinklers on the ceiling that were constantly shooting out a pink foam that sprayed onto the occupants and let them dancing around in the bubbly discharge. It looked, well fun. Reno actually saw some girl throw her top at the DJ, only to disappear a second later under the lake of foam to be seen no more.

"Hey Red where'd you pick up the babe" Reno was snapped out of his observations by a familiar voice. Rufus fucking Shinra. Baby blue eye's hair was spiked to an ungodly perfection this evening. He also happened to be wearing the tightest black leather pants he had ever seen. How had he gotten into those, or more importantly how was he going to get out of them? He looked like he had just been poured into them, and as for his shirt...was that fishnet?

Though he couldn't account for his tastes, Reno had to admit that he liked the spoiled military brat. I mean really it's not everyday that the kid of a major organization becomes friends with a street urchin such as Reno, or go to a nightclub to get covered with foam for that matter. He had guts, he'll give him that.

Reno glanced over to Cloud, and saw that he was slowly sipping the martini that the red head had stolen from a nearby table. "Oh this...this is Candy." Cloud didn't seem to realize he was being talked about, and continued to look down into his drink. "I met her down in sector 6." It wasn't a complete lie. He had met "Candy" down in Sector 6.

Rufus plopped down in chair next to Reno, and it was only then that the red head realized he had other company. Toting behind the blond was a tall SOLDIER, you could tell from the eyes, with spiky black hair and a huge frown on his face. The blond prince followed Reno's gaze and motioned for the stranger to take a seat.

"This is Zack." With a hand he motioned towards the raven haired man. "Zack this is Reno." He motioned back to Reno and decided that was all the clarity they needed. Reno couldn't help but stare at his hair. How did he get it to stand like that? Really he thought Cloud's was bad.

Deciding that the stuffiness that was surrounding them just couldn't do, Reno opted to strike a conversation. "So Zack what's a guy like you doing hanging out with this punk." Zack raised and eyebrow obviously intrigued, and so the red head continued. "I thought all of you SOLDIER boys hated Shinra ups. You know damn the man and all that."

It was at the point that Zack was about to respond that Cloud let out a loud, and thankfully high pitched"Damn the man" and then preceded to brake out into a fit of giggles. Well that certainly lightened the mood. Zack was the first one to start laughing, and then Rufus broke out into his own laughter. Reno even gave a few chuckles at his friend's expense. It wasn't everyday that you got to see your best friend embarrass the hell out of himself in front of a SOLDIER and the heir to ShiNra himself.

Zack seemed to sober up, and be momentarily lifted from his bad mood. "Well Reno actually Tseng was on a mission today and Rufus wanted to go out." Oh so that was it. Zack had gotten stuck playing babysitter. Well it explains for his bad mood at least. It didn't however explain why he was staring so oddly at Cloud.

"You know Candy I have a friend in Sector 6, her name's Aeris, do you know her" Damn. Cloud really was in no condition to be answering questions that could potentially blow their cover.

Sapphire eyes snapped up and locked with Zack's amber ones. "No." Good job Cloud. One word answers were always for the best. Then something he didn't expect happened. Eyes still locked with Zack, Cloud scooted remarkably closer to Reno. It really wouldn't have been that big of a deal. Would of are the key words, because unfortunately Rufus noticed the little move.

"Oh looks like she really likes you Red, must not know your reputation yet." Apparently not liking being talked about, Cloud scooted even closer, making Rufus eye him further. "You know she looks remarkably like that trooper you always hang out with...I'd say it was his sister if I didn't know he was from Nibelheim."

Reno froze up at that. What do you say when you've all but been caught in a lie? The red head really had no idea what to say. His head was still to muddled from the alcohol and drugs to think up a legitimate lie. "I want to dance." Apparently you let Cloud talk for you. Cloud batted his bright blue eyes towards the black haired SOLDIER. "Whatya say Zack? Would you dance with me"

Okay so Reno was at a moral dilemma. He could let Cloud go dance with Zack, or he could save the last shred of his friend's dignity and take him home and let him sleep his humiliation off. "I would love to dance Candy." He glanced to Rufus and then to Reno. "That is of course if Reno doesn't mind staying with Rufus for the night."

Damn Zack was prosumptious. "Candy" had asked for a dance, and he all assumes that he's going to be with her the whole night. Cloud must look really hot, he knew it wasn't unnatural that he thought that. After all Zack obviously felt the same way. "Yeah go ahead Zack...Reno and I will be fine." Okay so now they were both prosumptious.

Zack didn't wait another second. He snatched up Cloud's hand and they both stumbled out onto the dance floor. Reno would assume that Zack was drunk if he didn't know how hard it was to walk supporting the tipsy Cloud. Needless to say he didn't see hide nor hair of either of them the rest of the night. Apparently Zack had actually taken Cloud home, and it was only after the drug Reno had slipped the blond wore off that Cloud ran from the SOLDIER's apartment. From what Cloud had said they had been about ready to go all the way.

Reno looked up from his place on the floor and saw that Cloud's eyes were still smoldering. "Well technically Cloud I didn't pimp you out...to be a pimp you have to make money from it." Cloud snarled, before kicking forward as hard as he could. Landing a good kick right in the red head's shin. This one kick was then followed by many many kicks.

After about 20 kicks to Reno's now very sore shin, Cloud seemed to tire out, and now was just heavily glaring. "You are the biggest asshole I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. Did you know that" The glare in the blond's eyes lessened and was replaced by sadness. "How could you do something like that to me Reno"

Reno by this point was actually starting to feel a bit bad about what he had done. You couldn't really see Cloud's kick puppy look and not feel bad. He started to feel a hell of a lot worse when he saw Zack out of the corner of his eye coming up to talk to them.

Cloud also seemed to see this, for he put a hand over his face and muttered something that sounded a lot like. "Oh hell this is sooo not happening." Cloud turned beet red and shifted his body to face the other way. Apparently Zack didn't see this, because he just kept walking over with a goofy grin on his face.

"There you are." Cloud reddened even further. "With you running out so quickly last night I didn't get a chance to say good-bye." Reno got up from his place on the floor and dusted himself up. Since he was now under an authority he gave Zack a salute, but with a disgusted look at the thought, Zack waved it off.

Cloud had stiffened like a board and was now examining the doors for a possible escape route. "Umm...yeah...I'm really sorry..." Cloud shut his eyes in further embarrassment, and to the red head's surprise he got a finger pointed at him. "Reno did it." Reno would have laughed at the blond's childishness if he didn't think that such an act would cause Cloud to never talk to him again.

Zack however did laugh, making Cloud flinch and turn even redder. "Yeah don't worry about it...I kinda figured." Zack shifted so his weight was on one foot and plastered a goofy grin on his face. "You're not a very convincing girl...I mean if Rufus suspected something you can only assume that more intelligent people would...I knew the whole time that it was probably your twit friend's idea."

Both Reno's and Cloud's eyes widened to saucers. Zack didn't seem to notice their surprise however for he kept on talking like he had never noticed their shock. "Anyways I'm assuming you're name's not Candy...so I was hoping I could find out your real name." Zack stuck his hand out. "I'm Zack...and you are"

Cloud eyed the hand warily, before shakily sticking out his own hand and conjoining it with the SOLDIER's. "Cloud...Cloud Strife." Was the blond's shaky reply. Zack smiled again before hastily shaking the hand.

"Well Cloud Strife it was very nice to meet you...I hope we can become good friends."

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Reno shot up, just coming out of a deep sleep. He immediately of course regretted doing such a brash move because he fell backwards again clutching his shoulder. What the hell was going on? The last thing he clearly remembered was coming entirely too close to being slain by Sephiroth...but then why wasn't he dead? If it was any concelation he felt rather dead.

What the hell was up with that dream? He never had dreams of his past. Reno was more of the super hero dream kinda guy, or hell even wet dreams were more common than these. The strange part was that he never even remembered that happening. Though it had to of, because he did remember introducing the two...well in a strange way that is. What he didn't remember was dressing Cloud up as a girl and then getting a hard on over him.

Maybe Sephiroth was right and Zack did have a reason to be a might bit jealous. Zack! Now he remembered. Forgetting all about how it was entirely too painful the last time he tried it, Reno once again shot up in bed. It still hurt like a bitch, but he sucked it up. This time however he didn't wince away from it, and his eyes opened up to boot.

There sitting at the table beside the couch the red head appeared to be lying on was Zack. "Okay. What. The. Hell. Is. Going. On." Reno did his best to accentuate every word, just to be sure he got through to the ex-SOLDIER. Amber eyes shined mischeviously, but he didn't say anything. That was so like Zack. Reno decided to ignore it at present time and go on with his unanswered questions. "You're supposed to be dead SOLDIER boy. Care to tell me how you managed to pull that one off" Zack actually did open his mouth to answer this time, but Reno didn't give him the chance. "Oh wait don't tell me...you're a zombie right? You're a zombie that's come back from the dead to eat my brains for not being able to protect Cloud."

Reno didn't fail to notice how Zack's eyes had darkened considerably at his comment, and the red head was starting to think that mentioning the blond wasn't the best idea at this point. The SOLDIER seemed to shake his potential anger of though, and in reply to his question just gave a shrug of his shoulders. "I have no idea why I'm back Turk...maybe I wasn't destined to die saving Cloud back there...maybe the people upstairs just fucked up." Amber eyes darkened once more, in fact all of Zack's features did. "Or maybe I was sent back to finish what Cloud couldn't...maybe I was sent back to kill Sephiroth once and for all.

Throwing his feet over the side of the couch, Reno slowly made it to his feet while still grabbing desperately to his aching shoulder. He noticed that he was just in his pants, and that his now ruined shirt and jacket were propped up on a nearby chair. "Well I'm happy you've found your calling Zack...and about Sephiroth I really don't think it could happen to a nicer guy."

Zack had by this point stood up and walked over to a closet and pulled out a t-shirt tossing it over to the red head. Reno noticed how his shoulder had been bandaged up, and wondered how long he really been here. "You know Red I was kinda hoping that you would be willing to help in that department...Cloud being your best friend and all."

At this Reno paused. Now was the point where he had to ask himself the amount of information to divulge to the ex-SOLDIER standing in front of him. Now he could go against protocol and help him, getting himself no doubt killed by either Sephiroth or ShiNra organization itself, or he could just not so subtly tell Zack all of the top secret information he knew and prayed he could get the blond away from the psychopath...or

"Sorry Zack can't help you there." Reno scooped up his ruined clothes and headed for the door. It only slightly bothered him that he had no clue where it is he might be. "You see Cloud's a terrorist, and me, I eliminate terrorists...I don't help them out of potentially deadly situations." Reno grabbed his sunglasses that were resting on the table Zack had just been sitting at and slipped them on. "Gotta look out for number one yeh know."

Of all the ways he expected Zack to react to that unbelievably asshole of a statement, his laughter was not one of them. "You crack me up Turk...you pretending not to care what happens to Cloud." Zack continued to laugh and Reno felt the need to glare full heartily at him. "No really it's hilarious..." Zack sobered up and walked so that he was staring down into the red head's blue eyes. He was looking down on him because Zack was one tall mother fucker and even though Reno was a good 5'11, Zack stood at least three inches above him. "Are you telling me Reno that you won't do a single thing while Cloud is with that insane bastard getting tortured, and maimed, and raped."

Not thinking he could take anymore of those terrible mental pictures, Reno put a hand up to silence Zack, making the raven haired man's smile turn even wider. "Believe me Zack I get where you're coming from...I do...but I have a job to do, and that job involves secrecy from Cloud." Reno raked a hand through his hair, trying to come up with a solution. "If I just go bursting through wherever it is Sephiroth has him, what the hell is he going to think? Somehow I don't think he would still think I was the enemy who's been trying to kill him for god knows how long if I suddenly become his knight in shining armor."

Oh shit he said too much. Zack got a very strange and rather scary look in his eyes, as he was obviously trying to digest everything Reno had just said. "Reno what do you mean you've been trying to kill Cloud" Damn. Damn. Damn. Zack's eyes were smoldering and Reno once again cursed himself for ever opening his mouth.

It suddenly occurred to Reno that he had no reason to feel so bad. Here Zack was giving him the death glare when he was the one that partially caused all of this. It had been his stupid idea for Cloud to go with them to that damn hick town in the first place. "He was gone for five years Zack." Zack's anger didn't seem to dissipate. "When he came back he was a fucking terrorist" Reno was now glaring at Zack just as hard as he was getting glared at. "For god sakes Zack I thought he was dead! And then when he comes back he doesn't even remember me, and me being the good employee I am go along with it...it's not as if I have a choice. This is my job...and a Turk's job is his life."

Zack didn't seem in the least bit happy, which you know now thinking back on it Reno had to agree that it was pretty odd. Zack was always happy. When everyone else felt like putting a bullet between their eyes he would always be all peppy and chipper, Reno remembered always being annoyed about all that. It was Zack's personality that made Cloud adore him. Well you really couldn't blame the blond could you? After what his childhood was like a person who acted as nice and cheerful to him as Zack did really would be the center of his universe.

Reno was brought out of his memories when strong hands grabbed his shirt collar and lunged him so he flew at the wall. Pain stabbed through his body as his injured shoulder collided with the wall. With a wince he pushed himself back up to his feet, and gave his best death glare that he had.

Though his glare was wasted, because with inhuman speed Zack was upon him and had pushed him back up against the wall. Reno resisted the urge to cry out when Zack dug and elbow right into his wound. "Give me one reason Turk why I shouldn't kill you where you stand." The red head bit his lip as hard as he could, and tried with all his might to think of a way out of this.

"Listen I get the whole death threat thing Zack...really I do. But you don't understand if I tell you what I know ShiNra will kill me anyways." You know just saying that statement made him think about all the ways he was going to hurt Cloud when he found him. He was a little punk little brat when he came to ShiNra and Reno had taken him in. He would never have bothered if he knew that his one act of kindness was going to backfire so much. Life really sucked sometimes, all the times really in his case.

"Oh believe me Reno you're death with ShiNra would be quick and painless. If you don't tell me what I want to know than your death will be slow, and it will hurt...a lot." Not really having another choice in the matter, Reno slowly nodded his head. Zack smiled at that and lightly slapped his cheek. "Good kid." Zack's humor seemed to have come flooding back, and all of his earlier murderous attitude was gone. "Now Reno, you will tell me everything that has been going on since I've been gone."

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"You were gone so long. Where did you go" Okay so normally Cloud had a very strict code about not asking Sephiroth anything, but this was different. Sephiroth had been gone at least a week, and now that he was home he hadn't said a single word. He had come home, plowed Cloud into the bed, and then preceded to wrap the sheets around his waist and stare amiously at the nearest wall. Cloud continued to stare at Sephiroth's bare back, and continued to receive no answer to his question.

A growl erupted from the blond's stomach that actually sounded like 'feed me' and he was reminded of how long it had been since he had eaten. Cloud only ever got food when Sephiroth brought it to him, and since he hadn't been home for a week it wasn't too hard to figure out that he was starving. "Umm okay don't answer me." Nothing. Cloud sighed out of frustration. "Did you at least bring some food with you" Sephiroth continued to ignore him.

Cloud raked a hand through his hair in utter annoyance, and it was at this point that he noticed something very critical. Sephiroth had left the door open. Sephiroth never left the door open. With wide eyes Cloud continued to stare. Sunlight filtered in from the vast hallway windows. It seemed that they were in some kind of a mansion. From what Cloud could see from the scenery it was rather snowy. This led him to the conclusion that they were somewhere on the northern continent.

It had been so so long since he had seen the outside, so long since he had seen sunshine. His eyes were so unused to the light that it almost hurt to stare, but Cloud couldn't bring himself to look away. Cloud's body seemed to move of it's own accord, and it was like he was under a spell as he headed over the threshold of the room.

How long had it been since he was outside of the mansion? Weeks? Months? He didn't know anymore. Cloud walked over to the huge bay window in the hallway and placed one timid hand on the glass. It was cool against his fingertips, and he inhaled a shaky breath as he saw that it was snowing outside. There were mountains all around, but it didn't look like there was any other civilization for miles.

"Do you like the view" Cloud didn't turn around as he felt Sephiroth come to stand behind him. He was much to transfixed by the outside world to even care. He managed to reply though in a somewhat dazed way.

"It's beautiful." Silver hair cascaded over Cloud's shoulder as Sephiroth leaned down and placed a small kiss on the nape of his neck. Cloud held his breath for the few seconds the lips seared his skin, and when they pulled away he couldn't help but turn around to face their owner. "It's only a view though...nothing I can't live without."

Cloud walked away from the window, and back into the bedroom to retrieve some clothes. He noticed out of the corner of his eye that Sephiroth had silently followed him back in and was taking up his example about getting dressed. "But listen I'm really starving. Are you hungry" Cloud smiled at Sephiroth, who looked about as far from happy as anyone could possibly get. "Maybe we can eat together...unless you have to leave that is."

"Why do you lie" Cloud was in the process of pulling on a hoody, but froze up when it was only half way over his head. "Anyone with eyes can see you're not happy." He slowly finished pulling the sweatshirt over his head and saw that Sephiroth's eyes were staring at him, and they were filled with sadness...and maybe regret.

Cloud furrowed his eyebrows in an attempt to get a hold on of the situation. Sephiroth did this sometimes, but never quite so extreme. In the past Cloud always found that it helped a great deal for him to be touched. It was like he didn't believe that the world was real unless someone could touch him and show him that all the sadness in life could be cured.

Taking a few tentative steps forward, Cloud slowly held out his hand and grasped Sephiroth's limp one. He couldn't help but feel a little hurt when the pale haired man never squeezed back. Sighing, the blond decided to try another approach. "Seph it's not that I'm happy, I love being with you...it's just." At this Cloud paused, and it seemed the whole statement was a mistake because Sephiroth pulled away from his hand altogether.

"Don't do this Sephiroth...don't pull away from me." At this aqua eyes slowly turned to face him. Sephiroth said nothing, but really he didn't have to. His look told him enough. It said that he was giving him a chance to explain and that he should do it quick. Cloud really didn't know what to say, so he said the only thing that came to mind. "Do you love me"

Sephiroth's eyes hardened at this, and immediately Cloud knew he had said the wrong thing. "One would think that you wouldn't have to ask such a ridiculous question." His voice was cold, and Cloud flinched at his tone.

"It's not a ridiculous question if the answer's no." At that Sephiroth reached out and grabbed Cloud around the neck. He lifted him from the floor like he was some rag doll, and just watched as Cloud kicked out his feet and gasped for air. His aqua eyes were shining an unnatural green, and there was anger in their depths like nothing he had ever seen. In a last ditch effort Cloud shakily reached out to claw at his arm. "Seph...Seph..ir..oth...let..go..."

At the sound of the blond's voice Sephiroth seemed to snap out of it, and he let go of his frail neck. Cloud landed rather painfully on the floor, and looked up to see Sephiroth's wide and scared eyes staring back at him. "I...I didn't mean to...I..." Cloud watched as Sephiroth sank back onto the bed and buried his face in his hands.

After rubbing his now very sore neck, Cloud slowly pushed himself up to his knees. He slowly crawled over to where Sephiroth was seated and settled in between his knees. Cloud placed one hand on either knee and raised himself up a little so that he was level with Sephiroth's face.

"It's okay. I'm fine." Cloud's voice was raspy, and he realized that he must have hurt his windpipe. "I know you love me Seph...I do." Sephiroth didn't even acknowledge that he had heard him, and with a small sigh Cloud again continued. It was really hard to have conversations with people who were so incredibly withdrawn. "I just don't think you know how much I love you." Sephiroth's hand twitched a little at that, and Cloud took this as a good sign to continue. "And how nothing could ever make me leave you."

Sephiroth rose his head and let his hands fall down to his lap so that they landed on Cloud's. Cloud smiled a little at the brief moment of affection. "Cloud I'm sure that you have a point to all this, but for the life of me I can't figure out what that could be." His voice was back to being harsh and cold, but more than anything he sounded tired. Tired and alone.

"My point." Cloud did his best to accentuate the last word. "Is that you can trust that I'll never leave you." Sephiroth raised an eyebrow and Cloud took this as his cue to continue. "That means that if you want to make me happy you can let me out of this room...let me outside...I'm not going to leave you ever."

Sephiroth grabbed Cloud's hands and entwined his with them. Cloud smiled a little and leaned forward touching their lips. Sephiroth smirked before looking the blond straight in the eyes and saying one word. "No." It was as if with that one word the laws of god were written. The firm tone he used with the word left no room for arguments. Cloud couldn't help but pull his hands away in spite.

"I see." Cloud didn't try to stop the bitterness from coming out in his voice. He pushed himself to his feet and walked over to the conjoining bathroom. Really was it so hard for Sephiroth to be a little cooperative? It's not as if he was fucking asking a lot. To go outside...to go anywhere but the same goddamn room! He had meant what he said, he had no plans on leaving. Truthfully he didn't think he could leave Sephiroth. Not just cause the other man would never allow it, but Cloud had just become so dependent on him that he really didn't know if he could live without him.

Cloud couldn't help but scowl at his reflection. He had made it a point not to look at it the entire time he was there, but now it just seemed right. He cheek bones had sunk it considerably, as did the rest of him from weight loss. He could also see that his muscles had all but diminished from lack of exercise and movement. A pale hand reached and traced his now purpling neck. You could see small traces of the fingers that had curled around his frail neck, and Cloud could still imagine Sephiroth squeezing the life out of him.

Feeling suddenly very disgusting, Cloud hurriedly ripped off the clothes he had just put on. He needed to get the smell of Sephiroth off of him. He needed to get the feel of Sephiroth out from between his legs. The thought of everything just seemed very wrong to him and he needed that feeling to go away. Getting clean was really the only option.

Reaching into the shower he quickly turned the water to scolding hot and stepped into the spray. The water was so hot it felt like bowling water was being poured onto his skin, and he watched as his skin turned a deep red. The thing was that he didn't mind the pain, the truth was that he barely felt it.

Cloud hastily grabbed the soap and a washcloth, and started furiously scrubbing at his skin. He scrubbed it raw, he scrubbed until it bled, and then he scrubbed some more. He heard a sob, and it was only after a minute or so that he realized that it was coming from him. When had he started crying? Did it matter...it's not as if anybody was listening. Sephiroth was still probably too caught up in his only little world to even realize he had left, let alone hear him sobbing in the bathroom tearing his skin to shreds. After all what the fuck did he care? As long as he still had a decent place to fuck what did the state of the rest of him matter?

The washcloth slipped from his fingers, and Cloud barely noticed that it was stained red. He watched as blood swirled with water and flowed down the drain, and then something snapped. Cloud fell ungraciously in the tub and didn't notice how his limbs were sprawled out rather painfully in all directions.

He felt himself completely break down at that point. It was as if all the suffering that he had gone through in the past weeks had chosen that exact moment to catch up to him and pick him apart piece by piece. The loss of Tifa...of all his friends, the isolation, the frustration, hell even the memories, all of it seemed to pick this moment to tear him apart and not knowing what else to do Cloud let the pain come.

Amidst all of the pain and confusion he didn't even feel the pair of arms that wrapped around him and lifted him out of the tub. Cloud barely noticed when he was layed on the bed and a towel carefully dried him off, and even took the time to fluff his spikes up. He tried to ignore it when boxers were slipped over his waist, and then a pair of loose fitting black pants and a black t-shirt were slipped on him. He really did try to ignore all of this and stay in his own little world of self-pity, he did, but he couldn't ignore the soft hand that tenderly stroked his cheek. His blue eyes snapped up to meet the cool green of his lover's.

"Are you ready to go" Cloud continued to stare into Sephiroth's eyes. As if that small action would unlock the key to the universe. Though he doubted even if he found the answers it would matter anyways. The universe really hated him. The sad thing was he truly believed that with all his heart.

"Go where Seph" His voice was hoarse and broken, but he didn't even try to sound happier. Cloud had always tried to before. He had tried to be the optimistic one in the relationship since Sephiroth was always so withdrawn and depressed. He realized now that it didn't matter what he did, so really why try?

Cloud couldn't help but gasp when he was suddenly pulled forward into a bone crushing kiss. It was short though, and when Sephiroth pulled back he rested his head on the blond's forehead. After a few seconds of contact he pulled back once again and stared into impossibly blue eyes. "To see your friends Cloud." Cloud's heart stopped, but he couldn't help but notice how sad and broken Sephiroth's voice sounded during that statement. "To see your friends..."

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Alright I loved writing that chapter. It was just hilarious making Cloud a crossdresser and all. Plus I really love Reno and I love writing him so that was fun. Please Review