Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > Looking for a Song to Sing

chapter six: when a look can only read comtempt

by getup_n_go 5 reviews

I've found hope in your hate for me

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: R - Genres: Drama, Romance - Warnings: [!!!] - Published: 2007-02-12 - Updated: 2007-02-12 - 1882 words

"Looking for a Song to Sing" by getupngo

Chapter Six: "When a look can only read contempt"

They say blood is thicker than oceans

That evening, Addison was able to just go about doing her job, the pressure and anxiety she felt the night before and earlier in the morning was gone. Brendon talked to Bob, who turned around and apologized to Addison for not asking her side of the story.

While the band finished their set, Addison was busy trying to set up for the meet and greet that was going to take place not long after the show was over. She hated meet and greets, just because she knew what it was like to meet your favorite band and to have ten or fifteen people rushing you along and shouting 'no pictures!' at you.

As the boys signed each item that sat down on the table, Addison stared blankly and the back of Brendon's head, pissed at herself for letting his lips control her again. She was hoping Brendon didn't say anything about them being back together to anyone, especially Jon. She was still holding on to this strange hope that he would somehow come to her and want to try being together, but something in his attitude was making her believe that someone already told him.

Once the meet and greet was over, they were all headed towards the hotel for the night. Brendon pulled Addison into the back room once everyone was settled on the bus and drug her down to him. She rolled her eyes as she fell down on his lap facing him. He attacked her with kisses and sighed, thinking that maybe this wasn't so bad after all. Brendon wasted no time; she felt his slightly calloused hands slide across her stomach and arched into his touch, forgetting all about the things around her. Brendon took his kisses from her lips to across her neck, causing her to groan softly. She reached down and pulled his shirt up over his head, barely breaking his pace. He worked his hands around her back and unhooked her bra before reaching down to pull off her t-shirt. Addison gasped softly as Brendon attached his lips to her chest. She let her fingers travel across the back of his head, raking through his hair. She let him linger for a moment, before grabbing his face and pulling him away, standing up and taking her jeans and panties off. Brendon half smiled as he watched her seductively remove her clothing. He leaned back and pulled his pants of as well, and then she placed her now naked body over his lap once more, where Brendon let his fingers travel to the moistness between her thighs. Addison gasped and kissed along his jaw line slowly, reaching her hand into his boxers and began to stroke him gently...

Ryan began walking to the back of the bus. The hotel wasn't far from the venue and he was going to tell everyone to grab their stuff and get ready for some sleep. He found Spencer and Jon in a bunk, they were looking at the latest interview they had done. He stayed with them for a second, before moving on to the back room, to tell Brendon and Addison to get their shit together.

He opened the door and was met with something he didn't want to see. Addison was naked with Brendon only in boxers and he was obviously fingering her and she was jerking him off, given the rushed groans escaping their lips. Neither of them noticed Ryan at first, Brendon had has face buried in Addison's neck and Addison wasn't facing him. Ryan watched them for a minute, and felt shock inside when he was expecting to feel disgusted at this display, he had thought he hated Addison to her core, but was surprised to find only jealousy resonating deep in his heart. Brendon suddenly looked up, feeling someone staring at them and he reflexively pushed Addison off of him. Addison turned her head and gasped, scrambling away from Brendon's lap and to the couch, yanking a blanket over her naked body.

"What the fuck, Ryan!? Get Out!" she yelled to him. He stood there staring, his gaze on Brendon.

"You're back with her? What the fuck is your problem, Brendon?!" he yelled at him.

"Don't you dare!" Addison interjected at him. He turned his gaze her and gave her questioning look. "Don't make him feel bad for wanting to be with me because you have so crazy idea about me that makes you think I'm a fucking turbo slut with no care for others feelings!" she shouted at him.

"What makes that idea so fucking crazy? You come here talking some shit about wanting to have a job managing bands and all I'm seeing is a stupid fucking girl just wanting to sleep with everyone. From Brendon to Jon and back to Brendon! Who's next, huh? Spencer or maybe Bob? You're a fucking joke and you're tearing my band apart!" he yelled back at her. She let the look of hurt register on her face and tightened the blankets around her.

Ryan wasn't sure how this happened or why, but suddenly seeing Addison sitting there heaving at him, her face flushed, he wanted to ravish her, forgetting entirely about Brendon. He wanted to slam her up against the wall and have his way with her, regardless of what feelings the rest of the tour was going to provide them. He let his eyes roam from Addison's barely concealed body; to the boxer clad Brendon, whose expression was one of rage that Ryan barely remembered seeing on his face ever.

"Seriously, get out!" Brendon yelled at him. Ryan felt his face go red, not from embarrassment at the situation, but really from the thoughts racing through his mind. He still didn't move from the spot where he was standing, he was taking in the pale color of Addison's skin and the slenderness of her upper thigh that was peaking out from under the blanket she had thrown around herself. Addison was staring at Brendon, trying hard to avoid the look in Ryan's eyes. She didn't like it, the suddenly air of lust radiating off of him was making her nervous, but she let her eyes skim away from Brendon, across the table, to the floor and then slowly to meet Ryan's gaze. He stared at her, and she felt alarmed for a moment, but then she felt funny. She felt almost...excited by him. She shook her head quickly and yanked her eyes back down to the floor. Ryan cleared his throat and turned back to Brendon.

"You are so wrong, man. Way wrong. I don't want to hear it when she fucks you over again," he said returning to his defense, before turning around and storming out. Brendon huffed and turned to see Addison peering intently at Ryan's back, until she quickly scrambled off the couch and pulled her pants and shirt on.

"Addy, where are you going?" he asked her softly, but he could feel her slipping away from him again, he didn't want to lose her once more, but any idiot could see the electricity between Ryan and Addison since day one, he was pretending not to be shocked by this event. She put her hair up into a messy bun, before turning to look at Brendon his eyes full of sadness and understanding. She walked up to him and embraced him, she held him tightly and he let his hands slip around her slender waist before pushing her away from him.

"I can't believe I was so blinded by it before Brendon. I'm so sorry, but we can't be together. I love you though, but we just can't be," she said, leaning forward and kissing his cheek. Brendon shrugged and nodded.

"I know," he said. She smiled at his softly before jogging off the bus and into the downpour outside. She spotted Ryan and Spencer walking into the hotel both carrying heavy bags with them. She looked down at her bare feet and felt tears well in her eyes. This was crazy! This was Ryan she was chasing after. Ryan Ross hates her to the core and she felt the same way about him, but that look in his eyes. What about that? She couldn't deny it and there was no faking it. She continued to make her way through the rain, her feet damp from the ground and she stepped on little pebbles along the way.

Spencer turned his head quickly to see where Jon had gotten to, but was surprised to see Addison making her way towards them. She looked soaked, as they all were, but she was barefoot and her face registered a hurried expression.

"Ryan, you might what to see this," he said to his friend. Ryan stopped walking and turned around and his mouth fell open as he saw Addison padding toward them. "I'm going to head inside awhile," Spencer added to Ryan, and he nodded his gaze not removing from the girl approaching him.

Addison stopped dead in her tracks when she saw Ryan staring at her. Shit, this was right, she probably imagined the desire in his eyes, but was surprised to see him put his bag down and begin walking towards her. She held her breath, nervous at what exactly was happening.

Ryan wasn't thinking with his head right now, there was nothing his mind could tell him that was going to make him stop. His heart was leading him to the brunette girl standing in the middle of the rain soaked parking lot in bare feet. He was in arms reach of her now and did just that, pulling her to him quickly before letting the embarrassment register on his face over the words he had said to her a few minutes earlier.

"It's okay..." she whispered to him, their lips now inches apart. Ryan suddenly became aware of his heart beat racing, as he felt her breath on his lips and her chest heave against him. He tightened his grip around her and gently, oh so gently, placed his lips on hers. Addison relaxed in his grip immediately, pressing her lips deeper into his and began shivering not only from the cold rain soaking her to the core, but from these crazy thoughts and feelings she suddenly had coursing through her veins.

Ryan's mind was completely blank. He had no words or phrases to even begin to put these feelings into. He was sure, even now, that he hated Addison. He was sure he hated the hair on her head to her wet, bare feet. He felt the hatred begin to escalate as he realized how much he liked her. He was enjoying the sensation of her chest pressing against him, of her damp lips upon his, of their soft tongues entwining around each other. All he wanted to do was hate her even more and it was possible, he was now deciding. He wanted to harm her physically and mentally, but he wanted to make her scream out his name in pleasure. What the hell was happening?

I've found hope
in your hate for me
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